Laura Ziesel

The Redemptive Pursuit: All Things New

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 18:36:00 +0000

All Things New
by Laura Ziesel
February 13, 2012

Scripture:
"He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."" -Matthew 19:8

Reflection:

Divorce can be a lightning rod issue dividing people, creating a surplus of judgmental attitudes. In the Gospel of Matthew there is a story in which the Pharisees confront Jesus about the legality of divorce (Matt 19:1-9). The Pharisees were strict rule-followers, and they wanted to see if Jesus knew the laws Moses had delivered from God. Jesus replies by quoting some lines from Genesis 1, and caps it off with his famous line, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." But this reply was not what the Pharisees wanted because the Mosaic Law allowed men to divorce their wives. They reply to Jesus by essentially saying, "Wait! But Moses said we could divorce our wives. Are you calling Moses a liar?"

Jesus then replies with what was surely a surprising principle; Matthew 19:8 says, "He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."" The principle Jesus argues is essentially, "Moses gave you the law because of your sin, but in the beginning there was a better way." His reference to "in the beginning" is a second reminder of life in the Garden of Eden, life before the Fall.

This is profound, and it has many implications for those of us who seek to obey God, yet see how often we fail.

Jesus does not say that the law is bad, but he does say that it is not God's best for us. God didn't give us the law because he wants to watch us play a game in which He keeps score; He only gave us the law because without it we would do even more harm to ourselves and to one another. Our sin made the law necessary. But His ultimate desire for us is that the whole world would return to "Life as it Should Be."

We're not there yet, which is why we still have the law. To be frank, life just plain sucks a lot of the time, even for Christians. Our kids say they hate us, our spouses leave us, we are disowned by parents and loved ones. Death and disease steal lives every day. And our sin is still alive and well. Becoming a Christian doesn't make our problems going away. In fact, sometimes it makes us more aware of them.

But, we have a God who recognizes that this is not how it was meant to be. He tells us to look beyond the now, which is a slave-creating world in which we feel we are defined by how we measure up to God's standards and to the world's standards. He points us to the beginning of time when we lived in perfect communion with God and each other. And he reassures us that yes, we were made for something more.

And one day He will fully restore Eden and we will finally be at home. I don't know when it will happen, but Revelation tells us that God is making a New Heavens and a New Earth. John explains his vision of our future home this way: "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”" (Rev 21:3-5) When you read that, does your heart not long for it?

Because God is making all things new, we can each take a deep breath. God's ultimate desire for you is bigger than this world. He wants to make you into the woman he envisioned from the beginning, a woman who is not weighed down by guilt or perfectionism or sadness. A woman who freely loves others, herself, and God without need for the law. And one day, you will be that woman. So look backward to the beginning, look forward to the end, and then rest in the fact that He WILL accomplish all that He has promised.

Prayer:
God, our creator and sustainer, I confess that my vision is too weak, too narrow to see things as you see them. I confess that I think like the Pharisees think, being concerned with performing well in life. I ask you to help me as I try to take my eyes off of myself. It is so easy to be consumed by the right now in life. I ask that you would give me eternal vision so that I might be grounded in what you have done and are doing for the world. I long for the day when all is finally as it should be. Until then, thank you for Christ who allows me to know you and your plan while I am still a work in progress.

________________________

I will be posting my devotionals from The Redemptive Pursuit once a month as they are published. Sign up to receive these weekly devotionals via email here. Follow The Redemptive Pursuit on Twitter or like us on Facebook.

Why Do We Sing the Songs We Sing?

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:22:00 +0000

Studies prove that humans remember music more easily than lectures, discussions, or even projects they’ve worked on. Right now, I could recite a few dozen scripture verses from memory. But songs? I could sing hundreds. I know TV theme songs, pop music, and hymns.

Now think about your worship service. How many minutes are devoted to each component? At most churches I have been to, the total minutes given to the combined musical elements have been equal to or greater than the minutes spent listening to the sermon. I am more likely to leave church with a worship song stuck in my head than a quote from the preaching pastor.

I don’t think this is a problem; I actually think this is great! I think God desires that we use the arts during our worship services to open our hearts to Him. But given the lasting impact music has on us, I do have a serious question about the worship time at your church:

How and why are songs selected?

In my experience, the selection of songs is not as highly valued as the writing of the sermon. But I would argue that the same time and consideration should go into both, as well as into each element of a worship service. Though it is possible to quickly choose a few worship songs, perhaps the process should be structured to optimize musical discipleship. As I wrote recently, worship disciples our hearts either negatively or positively.

Moreover, I would like to challenge the great disparity in expected credentials between worship leaders and pastors. If music deeply impacts us theologically, should we not expect musical worship leaders to have some theological and biblical training? Most of us expect that from our preaching pastors, but it seems the people who lead us in musical worship are not expected to have formal theological education. At least, that is my impression of the churches I have been to.

So what credentials should be used to choose a worship leader? Should it simply be someone who is gifted at leading a band? Someone who is charismatic and energetic? Someone with an advanced degree in theology?

I don’t have much of a conclusion here. All I want is for us to think more deeply about how we choose our worship music and our worship leaders. And I want us all to realize that, for good or for bad, the songs we sing teach and train us as much as sermons do.

Sabbathing When it's Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 09:09:00 +0000

My husband and I take our Sabbaths pretty seriously. As two grad students, we don't have a lot of time together during the week. In order to make sure we continue to rest, worship, and connect, our Sabbath is essential.

Learning to Sabbath did not come easily to us. We have had to discipline ourselves in rest, just as we have had to discipline ourselves in other areas. The most challenging time for us, in terms of Sabbathing well, was when we were in vocational ministry. Boy, there's nothing like working in vocational ministry to make you feel as if eternal lives hang in the balance if you take time off. That feeling of urgency is driven by lies, but it's there.

However, I have discovered that communities rarely learn to Sabbath well if the leadership within that community does not Sabbath well. As they say, more is truly caught than taught, especially in terms of discipleship. So those of us who act as leaders in the Church must, I believe, learn to Sabbath well. I doubt I will re-enter full-time vocational ministry, but I know I will always be contributing to the needs of my church in some way.

As such, I'm wondering how church staff members and others in ministry handle Sabbaths. As you work on Sundays, Sabbathing is usually out of the question that day. Does your church staff take off on another day each week? Is Sabbathing an expectation for all staff members, or is it an oddity that you have to defend? What guidelines are communicated about what a Sabbath is and is not? What boundaries are in place during Sabbath? I want exposure to different examples of how Christian leadership can model Sabbath well.

To show my hand, my husband and I now take Saturday dinner until Sunday dinner as our Sabbath. We do not do any work for school or income, and we only do household management work (laundry, shopping, cleaning) if we truly want to. We require each Sabbath to have an element of community with others, which is often church, but not always. (When I was in vocational ministry, I was an introvert who worked in community 6 days a week, so Sabbathing back then did not have to include community.) Most of our friends respect our day off and have stopped asking us to go over homework on Sundays, but sometimes we still have to reinforce the boundaries we have in place.

In addition, I predict our Sabbath will change dramatically when we have a child. It will probably be a bit less restful. :-) So, as I begin preparing for parenting, how do parents out there structure Sabbaths? What elements are included and which are desirable-but-not-gonna-happen?

Who and What are Church Services For?

Church and Sabbath

What Worship Is: Formation

10 Weeks, a Journey in Humility

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:44:00 +0000

I hit the 10 week mark this week. My due date has been moved up to late August, though I'm still mentally preparing for a September baby as the average first-time birther waits 41 weeks and 1 day. If that's the case, I'll give birth two days after the Fall semester starts. Yippee!

How are things? The past week has been the roughest, physically, of the pregnancy. I have been able to keep food down, but the nausea never seems to leave. I have an aversion to nearly every type of food, yet I must eat. I get dizzy easily even when sitting and reading a book. Honestly, I really want to crawl into a hole and forget about all of the things that need to get done. I want my mother to arrive, and I want her to bring me toast.

Of course, physical difficulty brings emotional difficulty. I wish I was the type of pregnant women who was unaffected and could carry on with life as usual, but I'm simply not. I want you to give up your seat for me, 'cause the longer I stand the dizzier I get. I want you to excuse my lateness or my absentmindedness simply because I'm pregnant. In short: I want to be given special consideration. And I feel like such a horrible woman for admitting that. But it's the truth right now.

Admitting that I can't do it all and don't have it all together has been difficult, but less difficult than it would have been in the past. I'm a little relieved to notice that I have in fact grown in this area.

However, where I really feel some anxiety is in the area of career/academics. I haven't talked much about my long-term dreams here, mostly because I try to hold them quite loosely. But our hope is that after my husband finishes his doctorate (2015) and I finish my masters (probably 2014 now), I will eventually continue to a PhD program. In order to get into one of the PhD programs I desire, I know that my grades and performance now are important.

Yesterday, I was too sick to go to class and it was the first time I have missed class in graduate school. This area of what might be less-than-hoped-for-performance is the hardest pill to swallow. I want my professors to think highly of me, and I don't want to do anything to compromise my performance in their classes. And I certainly don't want to jeopardize my PhD application, which in turn can jeopardize my career.

Blah.

You can see which idols are being challenged here.

However, most days, all I can think about is getting through each day. Thinking about the future only happens during my better moments, when I'm not worried about my proximity to a bathroom. I am hoping that the second trimester brings a little more energy and a little less exhaustion-fueled angst. However, I'm sure come Fall, the exhaustion-fueled angst will knock at the door again.

How to Respond to News of a Miscarriage

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:28:00 +0000

Since going public with my miscarriage 10 months ago, I have received many an email asking for advice about how to love and serve couples who are going through a miscarriage. I both love and hate these emails. I love them because they are sent by people who genuinely love their friends and family; I hate them because their arrival means another loss has occurred. As I have now written quite a few responses to these inquiries, my answer has finally been boiled down to one sentence:

Don’t try to comfort them; rather, affirm their grief.

All too often, after all sorts of losses, we want to respond with words of comfort. We want to help people understand that God is in control or that their loved one is in a better place. But, as my friend who lost his third child to miscarriage last year wrote, these words can actually be quite hurtful. As he said, "People feel the need to turn bad news into good news." Resist that temptation. Let the bad news be bad.

The best thing to do is simply to affirm the grief. Miscarriage is a silent, hidden loss. I would guess that millions of women have experienced miscarriages completely alone, without another soul in the world ever knowing. One of the most hurtful thoughts after miscarriage is, “Does it even matter?” The temptation to minimize the loss of miscarriage is very present. So to have friends and family affirm your grief is freeing and validating.

Of course, people experience and express grief differently. Don’t expect your friends to grieve in the same way you would. If you see them going about their lives and they look fine, don’t assume they aren’t fully grieving. Don’t expect them to cry all of the time or look disheveled. If they do, let them. But don’t place romanticized notions of what grief looks like upon them.

In addition, don’t disregard the very real grief that men are experiencing. Their grief journeys might look a bit different from the journeys of their wives, but they are just as painful. Before asking a husband who has recently lost a child to miscarriage how his wife is, why don’t you ask him how he is? (I wrote a bit more about this here.)

So, other than affirm grief, what can you do to serve those who are grieving? Honestly, it will vary from person to person. The best thing to do is to ask them. Ask if they want company or solitude, if they want to be invited out or would prefer visitors on their own turf, if they want junk food or health food. Just communicate openly, expressing that you are there for them, even in the messiness of grief.

But above all, don’t try to tie up their grief with a bow and make it pretty. Let it be ugly, because it is.

Which Theological Hills are Worth Dying On?

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:06:00 +0000

I've written a fair amount about gender and the church. In fact, that's how this blog started. I've written less about it in the recent past because I've come to a conclusion: Scripture supports the full partnership and authority of women in ministry, in life, and in the world.

It took me about two years of reading, prayer, and conversations with people I respect to come to that conclusion, so I don't want to recap my entire journey now. You might disagree with my conclusion. One day, maybe I'll even disagree with my own conclusion. I'm okay with that.

You know why I'm okay with the fact that I might be wrong? As confidently as I might plant my flag in my new theological territory, I do not want to make more of gender equality than I do of the gospel. Yes, in my view, gender equality flows from the gospel, but it is not essential to the gospel.

A few years ago, I staffed an evangelical summer training program for college students. During a leadership meeting, it came up that one student was having trouble integrating into the community because of some significant theological divides between her and the other students. Our director, who was a thoughtful man, became deeply concerned about the situation. During the conversation, he said something to the extent of, "People are willing to die on too many theological hills."

That idea hit me in the gut hard. I used to be willing to die on lots of hills. Why? I have always felt the need to defend my position, to prove that I am right.

But the need to prove that I am right is not something I should trust to make decisions about what is essential to the gospel. If I went with my desires, I would make gender equality a hill that I would die on. Instead, I've come to recognize that the only hills worth dying on are ones that are essential to the gospel.

So that leads me to my question. Which theological hills are worth dying on? Which ones are truly essential to the gospel? It's easy for me to say which ones don't qualify, but it's harder for me to say which ones do.

Truly, I want your opinions.

Scriptures that Rub us the Wrong Way

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:06:00 +0000

We all, regardless of what we admit to, come to the Scriptures with biases. We all interpret passages of Scripture through the lenses we wear: how we view the world, how we view God, how we view Scripture, etc.

Learning to admit our biases is especially important when we come to a verse or passage from the Bible that rubs us the wrong way. I came across one of those the other day: Joshua 11:20-23

20 For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, to meet Israel in battle in order that he might utterly destroy them, that they might receive no mercy, but that he might destroy them, just as the LORD had commanded Moses. 21 Then Joshua came at that time and cut off the Anakim from the hill country, from Hebron, from Debir, from Anab and from all the hill country of Judah and from all the hill country of Israel. Joshua utterly destroyed them with their cities. 22 There were no Anakim left in the land of the sons of Israel ; only in Gaza, in Gath, and in Ashdod some remained. 23 So Joshua took the whole land, according to all that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and Joshua gave it for an inheritance to Israel according to their divisions by their tribes. Thus the land had rest from war.

Something about God willing genocide rubs me the wrong way. Sorry. Even if you don't have a problem with that idea, I think we all can find passages that rub us the wrong way if we read enough of the Bible. Try a few of these on for size:

4 Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head. 5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for she is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved. 6 For if a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, let her cover her head. 7 For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. (1 Corin 11:4-7)

21 Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, "One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 22 But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property. 23 And Jesus, looking around, said to His disciples, "How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God !" 24 The disciples were amazed at His words. But Jesus answered again and said to them, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25 "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Mark 10:21-25)

And no, that bit about a camel passing through the eye of a needle has nothing to do with walking through the city gate. That is a myth. Read it for what it says without trying to interpret it first. Yeah, a little uncomfortable, isn't it?

So what topic in the Bible makes you uncomfortable? Women being treated as property? God's condemnation of those who become rich at others' expense? The acceptance of slavery? God's call to make peace with your neighbor?

Today, I want to encourage us all not to ignore or dismiss the verses that rub us the wrong way. It's hard for me to sit with the discomfort. I want to interpret it away as soon as possible. But perhaps the feelings that arise when I read these Scriptures can be an opportunity for deeper communion with God. They should drive me to prayer, to deeper study, to confessing my struggles within my community. When I become angry or frustrated, I can go to God in those moments, asking him for help. (Sometimes, I get the feeling that God has been waiting a long time for me to simply ask him for help about a particular verse.)

I'm not saying these verses are best left uninterpreted, or that we shouldn't apply our minds to make sense of them ethically or theologically. All I'm suggesting today is that we pause and say to God, "God, I don't like this verse. I admit that my perspective is my own and not yours. Please help me to work through these feelings and this verse with you."

Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:45:00 +0000

You may or may not have read a headline during the past week that a "new denomination" was founded. More specifically, a new Presbyterian denomination, which really just sounds like the start to a bad joke. (According to Wikipedia, the United States already has 11 Presbyterian denominations.)

However, it is not entirely accurate to use the label 'denomination' for this new body, as it is not calling itself that.

The Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians has been created largely by churches who have been dissatisfied with the governing body of the Presbyterian Church (USA, or PCUSA), which is currently the largest Presbyterian denomination in the US.

I am currently a member of a PCUSA church, Glenkirk Church, so this issue is of some importance to me. If this issue is of any interest to you, I recommend a recent blog from our senior pastor, Jim Miller, describing what he experienced in Orlando as the Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians gathered together. Here's an excerpt:

John Crosby rightly predicted that the process would be “messy.” It’s almost a cute word to describe the exuberant adrenaline rush that comes with such passionate new direction. It’s messy because new ideas are bursting out all over the place. People who are passionate for mission, for meaningful theology, and for a church that is tied together by relationships rather than paperwork all united behind this cause. It felt like we were given permission to imagine. It was, in a word, fun.

I also recommend his last dozen or so posts which act as signposts in the past year of transition.

Personally, I am committed to Glenkirk and to its mission as a part of the kingdom of God. The people there make up a very important part of my community. However, my allegiance to my denomination is markedly less important to me. This is in part because I have attended and been a member at a variety of denominational and nondenominational churches, all of which have nourished me, and also in part because I have made a conscious decision that while I am in seminary I will remain open to possible changes in my ecclesial theology.

I welcome your thoughts on denominationalism, post-denominationalism, or the ECO of Presbyterians specifically. As my thoughts are still forming, I am genuinely appreciative of additional (gracious) perspectives.

Pregnancy After a Miscarriage

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 01:18:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot about how to communicate with you what this pregnancy has been like, especially as it relates to the miscarriage I had last year. I don't know how to articulate the full range of my thoughts, but I have come to two conclusions.

First, this pregnancy does not ease the grief of miscarriage. Of course, it eases the grief of trying to conceive, but those are two separate things. The grief we feel over the baby we would now be holding has not gone away. This second baby is not going to solve all of our emotional baggage. Nope, just not going to happen. In fact, I'm willing to bet this baby will only give us more. :-)

Second, and perhaps more daily in my mind, is the reality that I am less afraid of miscarriage now than I was with the first baby. That might seem counterintuitive, but it's true. Miscarriage used to be this mysterious unknown, a hardship I could not imagine going through. But now, I've known it. And moreover, my life was not ruined. God was present, my marriage remained strong, my friends loved me well, and I continued to live. So, the scariness of miscarriage is no longer there. It's like I looked the monster in the closet in the eye and lived, so he's less scary now.

I still worry about it happening, though. When I have a wave of energy, I worry; nearly every time I go the bathroom I say a little prayer. I worry there's something chronically wrong with my body, something that will impede my ability to grow life.

It is a battle to not let the worry take over my thoughts, but it is a battle I'm not giving up.

Because behind the worry is hope. Not hope that bad things can't or won't happen, but hope that they don't have to. I am not fated to a life of suffering, and for that I am grateful. Life does sometimes prevail against death. Good seasons of life do exist. They are always pure gifts that I am completely undeserving of, but they are real.

So those are my thoughts. Thanks for your prayers. I plan to get back to non-pregnancy-related writing soon, but for now, I'm giving myself the space.

Pregnancy Announcements, Loss, and Community

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:56:00 +0000

Before my first pregnancy, we decided we would follow the wisdom of the day in regard to when we announced our pregnancy. The wisdom of the day that we were aware of: Because of the risk of miscarriage, wait 10 weeks before announcing your pregnancy. To be safe, wait until the first trimester is over.

I’m not sure when this wisdom became the norm. When did our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers announce pregnancies? Or did they? Whatever they did, we can know we are pregnant much sooner than they knew. With that advance in technology comes a trade-off: We are faced much sooner with the decision of who to tell and when.

With my first pregnancy, we told our closest friends and family soon after learning I was pregnant, and we planned on announcing the pregnancy publicly when I was 10 weeks.

But as you know, I didn’t make it to 10 weeks. After my miscarriage, I felt God prompting me to write a devotional about my loss, but I knew doing so would make our reproductive journey somewhat public. After discussing it with my husband, we decided that we were willing to accept the negatives of going public.

(One of the big perks of writing about my miscarriage was that since people were already pressuring us to have kids, going public with our journey was actually helpful. People tend to be less pushy when they know you’ve just miscarried. How about we work on being less pushy all the time? You never know what someone is going through.)

For months after our miscarriage, we didn’t talk about how we would handle the news of our second pregnancy. We were trying to conceive, but the topic simply never came up. For some reason, I felt prompted to bring it up in early December. I sure am glad we had some time to talk about it before we got news of this pregnancy because we certainly did not see eye to eye! One of us wanted to wait longer than last time and tell fewer close friends and family. The other one wanted to tell people earlier than last time, including going public before 10 weeks.

After discussing with some dear friends who also experienced a miscarriage last year, we decided that we would announce earlier rather than later. These were our main reasons:

There is no safe time to announce a pregnancy. Pregnancy is always dangerous for mother and child, and many couples who make it through the “dangerous” first trimester still experience miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Moreover, parenting is dangerous. In having children, we are opening ourselves up to a deeper level of pain and loss than we’ve ever known. So it’s probably better to go into pregnancy recognizing that pain will inevitably be part of the journey, and loss might be as well. While we pray against these things, reproducing is inherently a dangerous thing, physically and emotionally.

Announcing a pregnancy early does not jinx it. I haven’t ever heard anyone formally propose this, but for some reason, it feels like some people might be tempted to believe it. Though I know it is completely irrational, part of me thinks this way. But it’s a lie.

God designed us to live in community, even while grieving. I understand why many people delay announcing their pregnancy because of fear of then having to announce a miscarriage. Trust me; I totally get it. But silent, unaffirmed grief is the worst kind. It is healthy for us to talk about our loss, to let ourselves receive help, and to have a few people who know how hard life is at the moment.

All pregnancies are “real” and matter. The trend to delay announcing pregnancies has created, I think, an implicit message that early pregnancies are not real or that they do not matter as much as late-term pregnancies. But that’s untrue. Chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies, molar pregnancies, and pregnancies of 4.5 weeks are all real and all matter. Of course, there are scientific questions about when life starts in regard to many of these situations. But I believe that if an egg is fertilized and my body receives a signal, even a small signal, that it is pregnant, a life worth loving and grieving existed.

So that, my friends, is why we have chosen to go public. We are certainly aware of the possibility of miscarriage and loss, but we know that even if that happens we will not walk through it alone.

When have you shared pregnancy news? What have you learned about yourself, others, and God in the process?

Pregnancy Announcements that Sting

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 10:01:00 +0000

During my months of trying to conceive, few things stirred up sadness as much as hearing the news of yet another pregnancy among my friends or family. It’s not that I wasn’t happy for them, it’s just that I was sad for me. I know it sounds selfish, but it is the truth.

I recently watched Julie& Julia, and I found that one short scene captured the mixed emotions well. (I can’t for the life of me find it online.) Julia Child was about 40 and unwillingly childless. Shortly after watching her sister, Dorothy, get married, Julia received a letter in the mail from her newlywed sister. In it, Dorothy tells Julia that she is pregnant. Nearly immediately, Julia bursts into tears, although she says through them, “I’m so happy.” Her husband, Paul, goes over to comfort her.

That’s what it feels like. Try saying “I’m so happy” while sobbing. It’s confusing.

There were a few exceptions to this sadness when I received pregnancy news, but most of the time, it rose to the surface. (For the record, men experience this sadness too.) One week, I hit the wall that I think many women who are trying to conceive hit: The everyone-is-freaking-pregnant-but-me wall. After the miscarriage itself, that was probably the hardest week of my year. It just downright sucked.

So, to all of my readers, family, and friends who are trying to conceive or grieving infertility, I want you to know that you can express that sadness around me. I won’t take it personally. I realize it rises to the surface sometimes against your will. And I’m sorry if the news of another pregnancy has been the cause of renewed sadness.

Also, if you have not shared your sadness with some close friends who can support you, I encourage you to do so. Being sad is hard enough. Being sad and having to fake happiness around the people who love you is not a burden you should have to carry.

I hope you know that I’m still on your team, rooting for life and joy and wholeness for us all.

What am I?

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 01:44:00 +0000

I'm a student, a wife, and a writer. I'm a former New Yorker turned never-wanna-leave Californian. I'm an aggressive driver and an ice cream fiend.

But today, look at the picture and guess what I am.

You guessed it: I'm barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.

(Today I'll give them what they want. But only today, so they better soak it up while they can.)

The details:

Almost 7 weeks, due around Labor Day(ish). (Yes, I see the pun.)

We found out just before Christmas and were able to tell our families and some close friends while we were on the East Coast. That was sweet.

I'm very fatigued, intermittently sick (more in the PM than the AM), and experiencing the other normal symptoms. Josh has been extremely kind. So far, I have only fallen asleep once mid-conversation. :-)

We're hopeful, but of course we know that we have no guarantees.

Thank you for your prayers. More pregnancy-related posts to follow soon.

One Thing I Love About My Seminary

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:23:00 +0000

When my husband accepted his grad school position at APU, we didn't know much about the school at large. Upon moving here, it took some adjustment as our undergrad educations were both at NYU, a far-from-Christian private university in NYC. One might say that these schools are opposites in many ways.

This is my home away from home.

But we've come to love APU for a variety of reasons. Most of them are probably too boring or personal to blog about, but I've been meaning to write about one thing I love about APU, and specifically the seminary at APU, for a few months.

In a nutshell: I love that the students and professors represent a variety of Christian traditions.

One of my age-old fears about going to seminary was that I would end up completely indoctrinated into one narrow theological frat club. It seems to me that many seminaries, and even Christian colleges, exist, to some small degree, to advance the gospel of their own denomination. I see the value in these institutions, especially if you are pursuing ordination within that denomination. But they have always scared me. What if, while sitting in class, I realize that I simply disagree with my denomination's stance on a serious issue? (This has happened to me after hearing the argument behind a position and realizing it really isn't as solid as I imagined it would be.) Or, perhaps more alarming, I was afraid that opposing theological positions would be negatively misrepresented so as to make their own position seem superior. (No, that would never happen!)

But APU. Oh, sweet dear, APU. You are so refreshing.

APU is based in the Wesleyan tradition. But the professors and students represent a variety of different denominations. Thus far, I have studied next to (at least) Methodist, Friends, Foursquare, Pentecostal, Baptist, Presbyterian, and Anglican students. I have studied next to pacifists and war veterans. I have studied next to Democrats, Republicans, and Canadians. :-) And no one, from my experience, has been made to feel as if they don't belong, as if there is a mainstream school of thought that you need to jump into or drown.

These students, I have come to love and respect them so much.

We are 22 and 62, ministers and mothers, prison guards and school teachers, black and white, Korean and Japanese, and men and women. Hallelujah! (Although, those men still outnumber us. My husband once asked, while we were on campus together, "Why are all of your seminary friends men?" I just looked at him blankly.)

It has been a great honor for me to study with these men and women, to hear their (very different) perspectives, and to pray together, walking away each night supporting each other's work for our King.

I'm so glad my fears about seminary, at least about the seminary I found, have not been realized.

________

This post was in no way endorsed or solicited by APU. I receive no special scholarship for raving about them. That would be a nice scholarship to create, though. :-) I only share these thoughts because I want to do so.

Laura Ziesel is on Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:25:00 +0000

For multiple reasons, I have decided to start a Facebook page for Laura Ziesel. At this new fanpage, I will be sharing links to pieces I write on this blog and pieces I write elsewhere. In addition, I hope to use it to share other great resources with you.

If you're on Facebook, I hope to see you there! You can simply click "Like" below to become a fan. (RSS or email readers may need to click through.)

The Redemptive Pursuit: Pressure for Perfection

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:43:00 +0000

Pressure for Perfection
By Laura Ziesel
January 9, 2012

Scripture:
"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." -Matthew 5:48

Reflection:

I am a stubborn, willful woman, and when I am pressured into doing something, I do not want to comply. Pressure, or what feels like manipulation, causes me to rebel, to want to prove to myself that I am an independent person. Even if I want to have lunch with a friend, repeated pressure to do so will only make me clam up and feel overwhelmed. These aren't good traits, but I have needed to recognize them.

When I hear or read it, "be perfect" is one of the most suffocating phrases to my heart and mind. It feels like pressure to me. Even though I might desire perfection for myself, I know that I am far from it. And Jesus' words here just make me want to roll up into a ball and give up. I can't be perfect. I can't, I can't, I can't.

But logically I know that if Jesus said it, I can't ignore it. So how can I open my mind and heart to this verse?

The best thing I can think of to do is to open myself to what Scripture says about perfection, rather than close myself off to it. So I flip to other places in Scripture that have this word "perfect" (telos in the Greek), and I ask God to help me understand what this word means.

This passage from 1 Corinthians helps me tremendously:

"For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away...For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known." (1 Corin 13:9-10,12)

The idea of perfection in my head is behavior-oriented. But this concept of perfection does not seem to be about behavior as much as it is about my composition, my very being. Right now I am a shadowy image of the true woman God created me to be. I am selfish, fearful, and wounded. I compartmentalize certain parts of my life to suit my own needs. I am broken.

But God wants me to be whole, to be full, to be complete. God wants me to come into perfection, meaning to fully be the women he created me to be, unblemished by brokenness. He wants to put me back together, to heal me. And that is less suffocating to me, mostly because God is the one who bears the responsibility for making me whole. I cannot heal myself of my brokenness, but he can and will heal me. If I'm going to strive to be perfect, I don't need to act better or make less mistakes; I need to submit myself to the healing power of our Heavenly Father.

And I know I can trust God with my now-imperfect self because he is a God who entered our broken world and experienced brokenness with us. He does not separate himself from our imperfections. He does not scold or shame us. He came down to earth, took on the form of sinful man, and died a broken man. He knows the pain of imperfection, and he desires our wholeness so deeply that he gave up his own wholeness on the cross. His body, broken for us, is proof that he'll go to any lengths to make us whole. Our perfection is not an unrealistic demand, but an already-purchased gift.

Prayer:

God, you are perfect, but I know intimately that I am not. Help me to confess my faults to you and to those who love me. Thank you for entering this world and experiencing brokenness so that I can be made whole. Help me to accept your healing. May I not fight you as you make me into the woman you created me to be. I trust you, and I am thankful for your love toward me. Amen.

________________________

In An Image

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:54:00 +0000

After asking you for suggestions of how to honor the baby we lost to miscarriage last year, we decided to commission a painting. We asked a friend to create the piece for us, and we are so pleased with the result. I feel that it captures the mix of joy and grief that we experienced so well. And if you can't tell, there is a piece of broken glass near the left center.

It feels remarkably comforting to have something physical as a reminder. I've always wanted something physical to represent that baby, and now we have it. Thanks for your suggestions, which convinced us that doing something like this was indeed a healthy part of grieving.

We are planning on framing it soon, but for now it sits atop our desk.

Learning from Imperfect People

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 18:28:00 +0000

I am privileged to guest post today for friend and writer extraordinaire Rachel Held Evans. Rachel is the author of Evolving in Monkey Town, a memoir, and the upcoming A Year of Biblical Womanhood, which I cannot wait to get my hands on when it is published later this year.

If you're visiting my blog for the first time, welcome! You can read about me here, and you'll see my most popular blog posts in the column to the right. I have some great content lined up for 2012, so I hope you'll subscribe via email or RSS and join the conversation.

_________

I am, by nature, a very critical person.

Correctness is one of my highest values, so I have a hard time letting perceived incorrectness slide. I pick up on your errors and I am not afraid to hold them against you. Often, I’ll even correct you, especially if you are teaching others.

A few years ago, my husband and I were given the reins of a college ministry. Leading a ministry was slightly overwhelming for us, a pair of 24-year-old newlyweds. Our boss sat down with us one day, asked how we were doing, and wisely offered to facilitate a mentorship for us. We needed the help.

Immediately, I was hesitant toward the couple he suggested to mentor us. I respected this couple, but one or two things I had heard the husband say had not sat well with me.

I said to our boss, “I’m not sure if that will work. I’m not sure I agree with his all of his views of Scripture.”

Very gently, our boss said...

__________

Read the rest of my guest post here.

On Watching TV: Everything is Permitted, but...

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:01:00 +0000

My husband and I don’t watch much television during semesters. But during the past few weeks, we have embraced our love of television during winter break. The countless hours we spent watching TV caused me to think a lot about how we choose programs to watch.

I think the average person turns on the TV, checks the current listings, and decides to watch the program they most desire to watch. It’s not a very difficult decision-making process.

But I want to suggest that Christians should consider more in their TV-watching decision-making process than desire. What we often want to watch, even if it seems “in good fun,” may not be a program that we should watch.

Now, I know I’m beginning to sound like Grandma. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to create legalistic lists of good shows and bad shows. Legalistic lists only keep Christians infantile, dependent upon others for ethical direction. Rather, all Christians should be growing into maturity, and part of the maturity process is learning to make one’s own decisions.

So what should we watch and what should we choose not to watch? Paul said that “all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial” (1 Cor 10:23). I think that is a good rule of thumb for choosing entertainment. Ask yourself, “Is this beneficial?” If the show you want to watch fortifies an idol in your life, creates ingratitude, or fosters materialism, it is not beneficial.

I saw an ad for a new-to-me show this past week. The show is called I Want That! and is an entire show based on new inventions and products that most people don’t have yet—new faucets, furniture, showers, and gadgets. While it is possible this show might be beneficial for some people (I’m skeptical, but open to the possibility), this show would definitely be a poor choice for me to watch. I like nice things. But, unfortunately, I am a grad student who is married to a grad student. I do best when I ignore the fact that nicer items exist than what we own. Moreover, I have realized that God does not give Christians wealth so that they can satisfy their desires for nice things. So if we do have extra income one day, watching shows that increase my stuff lust will probably still be unwise.

For you, avoiding violent shows, wedding-themed shows, gossip shows, or cable news shows might be a new idea. But if those shows make it harder for you to be content or to love your enemy, perhaps its time to reconsider them.

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:15:00 +0000

Happy New Year to all of my readers!

I am in NYC for a mini vacation with my hubs, so my year is off to a great start! We're heading out now to walk to the theater to see a Sunday afternoon movie. The weather is unseasonably warm, so no snow for us yet. No complaints about that, however. I am finally feeling rested and refreshed, and for that I am truly grateful.

I'm enjoying this as much as I can before school starts back in a week.

I am truly grateful for your critiques and thoughts as I have written in 2011. May 2012 bring us all to a deeper knowledge of God that drives us outward in service to the world.

What Worship Is: Formation

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:23:00 +0000

Toward the beginning of my first semester in seminary at Azusa Pacific, I asked Who and What are Church Services For?

After a few months of contemplation, I don't have all of my thoughts fully formed yet. But I am sure of one thing:

Church services form us either negatively or positively.

What do I mean by this?

Of course, our being informs our doing. If we are generous inside, we will act generously. But oddly enough, we are designed so that our doing also forms our being. Even if we are selfish people, performing actions of generosity can form us into a more generous beings.

In our church services, our actions shape us either into the likeness of the Christ's bride or into our own image.

For instance, we might come to church ungrateful and faithless. Okay, I'll stop using the royal we. I am often ungrateful and faithless when I get to church. As service starts, I do not mean the words that I pray or the songs that I sing. But, I don't have to mean them. I say and sing those words anyway, and sometime during the service, my heart becomes more grateful and faithful. Going through the motions isn't worthless; in fact, going through the motions is discipleship for my heart.

In my recent paper on Questioning the Ethics of Reproductive Assistance, I addressed how Christian worship shapes us to deal with the dilemma of fertility drugs. While I may share more of the paper later, I will say that it was extremely meaningful for me to contemplate how certain components of my worship service have formed my view of reproductive struggles. Communion has perhaps ministered to me the most: In sharing Christ's broken body and spilt blood, I am reminded that my broken body and spilt blood does not go unnoticed by God. Further, I am reminded that God entered this world and subjected himself to the same brokenness that I am experiencing so that I can have hope that one day all will be made well. Partaking in communion has moved me to tears recently, and it has formed me deeply.

However, it is entirely possible that church services fail to shape us into the image of Christ's bride. If a church service exalts human goodness, legalism, or gossip, it is forming its membership negatively.

I fear that many of our modernizations of worship services have removed components meant to form us as Christians. But, I am open to hearing from you. Maybe you can convince me that removing communion from weekly worship services (which most churches have done) is a positive change.

So what are the components of your worship service and how might they be forming you? And how do we design church services so that we maximize their discipleship potential?

Some of the components of church services worth contemplating:

Welcome

Greeting neighbors

Pre/Post Fellowship

Prayer of Invocation

Songs of Confession

Songs of Worship

Prayers of the People

Confession, Silent or Corporate

Reading of the Word

Sermon

Songs of Renewal

Offering

Announcements

Communion

Baptism

Unemployed or Underemployed?

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:34:00 +0000

When my husband and I moved to California a year and a half ago, we had no jobs lined up, only a spot in grad school. Upon arriving, we settled into our new town and immediately started applying for jobs. After we arrived in California, it was about two months before we found work, although even then I was underemployed and continued looking for work.

But we look back upon those months as some of the best we’ve had. Although money was tight, we decided to make the best out of our situations. Here are some of the things we did that helped us not only survive, but thrive:

Learn to live on very little money. We achieved this mostly through becoming coupon masters. We studied our store circulars, made use of the great resource of Money Saving Mom, and learned how to get many products for free. Now that we’re both in grad school and working, this skill still comes in handy. In addition, it forced me to learn my new city very quickly.

Host a TV or movie marathon party. During our months of unemployment, we planned a fun day for a Lord of the Rings marathon. We didn’t have friends in our new town at this time, but if you do, invite some close friends. If you don’t have the DVDs you need, make use of free trial memberships for Blockbuster, Netflix, or another movie rental company. Or try your local library.

Get healthy. While we were unemployed, my husband lost 40 lbs and I lost 25. We had time to cook fresh, healthy meals and we made use of trial memberships at the local gym. We also went for bike rides, long walks, and played tennis. These activities not only led to physical health, but they lifted our moods. I know that many people gain weight during unemployment, but you can buck the trend. And, to be frank, one of the best ways to save money is to simply eat less.

Become a great cook. Learn to make soups, sauces, and other things that we typically buy canned from scratch. Try to make demanding recipes that you’ve never had time to learn. Beef bourguignon anyone? Learn to make your favorite dishes from your favorite restaurants at home. (I plan to tackle Tikka Masala next summer.) Not only will this save you money, but you will hone your cooking skills and reap the rewards for life.

Tackle a project you’ve never had time to do. Build a bike, start a garden, or write a book. Pick something that engages the unused parts of your skill set. I tackled a family tree project, and I guarantee that my husband was glad I had something to occupy myself with.

Volunteer your time. You might not have funding to contribute to great causes, but you do have the time. Clean the local park, visit the local nursing home, or email your church’s pastor to ask where they need some hands on deck. Explain your situation so that people realize you might have to reassess your commitment when you find a job.

Foster important relationships. One of the reasons our months of unemployment were some of the best months we’ve had since being married was because my husband and I were able to spend a lot of quality time together. Those months were like a second honeymoon for us. If you are unemployed and your spouse it not, ask him/her how you can serve them and do it. Married or not, seek to serve and love others in your life. Call your grandma and ask her questions about her life. Email an old teacher and thank him for his contribution to your life. Write a snail mail letter to a friend. Pray frequently and spend time listening to God.

Have you ever spent time unemployed or underemployed? What did you do to make the most of that challenging time?

Snow Song

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:37:00 +0000

I'll be done with finals in a few days, but in the meantime I am preparing myself for a few weeks of real winter this year. I have not put on my winter coat since we moved to California a year and a half ago, and I have not missed the bone-chilling New England weather, especially the wind.

On Saturday, I'll board a plan for NYC and will spend a couple of weeks with friends and family in NYC, PA, and VA. I'm trying not to dread the cold and snow, so I'm singing this to myself frequently these days. Enjoy! (RSS readers, you'll probably have to click through to see the video.)

White Christmas was one of the only Christmas movies we owned in my family (along with Home Alone 2: Lost in NY and Little House: Christmas at Plum Creek), so I nearly have it memorized.

I hope to post more regularly in the coming weeks. Until then, you can pray for my Greek final on Thursday night.

Miscarriage, Fertility, and my Broken Body

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:24:00 +0000

My body is broken.

I've known that truth for a long time, but the awareness of my physical brokenness had been purely intellectual until this year.

Since the miscarriage, grief has been an unwelcome companion. But this grief is not simple; it is like living near a swarm of bees. Sometimes one bee finds me and brings a quick, sharp pain. Other times, the bees are simply a cloud hanging over the sun. Without a moment's rest, they are always moving, changing shape, dodging in and out from darkness to light. I never know where they're going or what dust they're going to kick up.

This year, I have not simply mourned for our baby or for the difficulty of trying to conceive again, but for the first time I am grieving the brokenness of my body. This formerly-intellectual concept has become real.

It has been eight months since the miscarriage. In these eight months I have had six cycles and only ovulated thrice. My body has not gone back to its pre-hormonal-tidal-wave normal. (Before the pregnancy, I had long, anovulatory cycles occasionally, but they were the exception to the rule.)

My persistent hormonal imbalance has caused me a fair amount of guilt. In trying to conceive again, I am the problem. My body is the problem.

I am doing every reasonable thing I can to fix myself. (I'm in the eat-right-and-exercise-for-health camp in general, so most of what I've been doing can be found at Donielle's fabulous blog, Naturally Knocked Up.) My husband has picked up on my desire to fix my body, and he's called me out on it: "Laura, do you realize that you're expecting your body to act like a machine? It's only frustrating you because that's not what your body is; your body is a flawed system." (Can you tell he's in grad school?)

In trying to fix my hormonal imbalance, I have forgotten that I am dealing with a vessel that always has been and always will be (until That Day) broken.

Yes, I can strive for healing and wholeness. Of course it's wise and responsible to take care of my body as best as I am able, to partner with God in the restoration of creation. But if my goal is to fix myself, to achieve total bodily health, I will fail.

I admit that I have been grasping for something that is not there.

So I focus on the Christ-child who took on the form of a human body. If the incarnation was only about God coming down to Earth, it would've simply been called the descension. But the in-carn-ation was also about God taking on human flesh. He entered creation to redeem it, allowing his body to be broken for your body and for mine.

I breathe deeply, inhaling this truth: My hope does not lie in fixing my own body, but in his resurrected body. My hope does not lie in having a baby of my own, but in Yeshua, the baby of Mary.

Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Son of righteousness!

Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings;

Mild he lays His glory by, born that man no more may die;

Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth;

Hark the herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King!”

The Redemptive Pursuit: Seepage Issues

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:25:00 +0000

Seepage Issues: Grief Uncovered
By Christie Hoos
December 5, 2011

Scripture:

"You have taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"-Psalm 56:8

Devotional:
A few weeks ago I watched “There Will Be Blood” with my husband: fantastic acting; wretchedly depressing plot. The movie orbits around the search for oil. After an earthquake, puddles of oil bubble up from the ground, evidence of a wealth of black gold just beneath the surface.

I have some seepage problems myself. I can’t always predict it. Sometimes the oddest things will shake it loose. I quite literally start leaking – sneaky tears I can’t hold back. It feels like someone has stuck their fist right down my throat. Evidence of a deep reservoir of grief, just beneath the surface.

It happened again today, in the middle of an important meeting. I don’t usually shy away from discussion about my boys, the two babies that I never took home, but more often than not I get choked up about it – even now, years later, when it is a shadow of the devastation I once felt.

I tell myself to suck it up, to quit being such… a girl. As if that’s a bad thing, to feel things so deeply, to show weakness, to have a heart that is no longer shattered, but still broken in places that matter. And when the embarrassment passes and I finally work out what I should have said or will say next time, I remember that this grief is a precious part of who I am.

Not because I’m some masochistic freak who enjoys the pain. I would much rather laugh than cry. I enjoy life and that mopey schmuck Eeyore has always rubbed me the wrong way. But the broken parts of me are the ones that understand life and faith and joy in a deeper way than I did before.

Psalms 56:8 shows us a startling, beautiful image of God collecting each of our tears in a bottle. Because each one matters. No matter what we are going through, every tear we cry is important to Him.

One of the most helpful moments I had after the stillbirth of our first child, quite ironically, came from a heavily pregnant co-worker. Her husband was alarmed upon getting home to find her sitting on the ground crying her heart out; she could hardly speak to tell him our sad news. It didn’t change a thing knowing this, but I felt a little less alone, because someone shared our grief for that moment in time.

And now, when it is my turn to comfort someone, I don’t always know the right words to say. I don’t feel any less helpless or awkward than anyone else. And I can’t always understand their unique hurt. But I can mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). I can understand how desperate a dark night of the soul can be, and that sometimes it doesn’t FEEL like God is there, even when we KNOW He is. I know that if you press into that grief and fight your way through it, you can come out the other side a better, though somewhat different person.

Because you never completely outrun the grief. It lurks below the surface. And some days it leaks. But it doesn't ever go unnoticed by God.

Prayer:
Father God, every hurt we feel, you feel too. Every tear we cry is precious to you, because you love us, that much. Give us the strength and perseverance to honestly face the grief in our life. May the brokenness in ourselves become a blessing to others. Fill our hearts with compassion, so we can mourn with the broken hearted. Thank you for walking with us through every season in life, especially the stormy ones. In Jesus Name, Amen.

________________________

Thank you, Christie Hoos, for writing this devotional in my stead for The Redemptive Pursuit this month. This devotional originally appeared as a blog post at Christie's blog, So Here's Us. Sign up to receive these weekly devotionals via email here. Follow The Redemptive Pursuit on Twitter or like us on Facebook.

Questioning the Ethics of Reproductive Assistance

noreply@blogger.com (Laura) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:05:00 +0000

For those of you who read this post in which I asked for feedback about an upcoming paper for my Christian Ethics course, I wanted to provide a short update.

I've chosen to examine reproductive assistance as a subcategory within reproductive ethics. I will be discussing fertility drugs and medical procedures used to correct infertility, but I will not be examining IVF or IUI, simply because those raise a new set of questions that I do not have space to explore.

Of course, this is a predictable topic for me, and I am choosing to embrace it rather than fight it. Perhaps I'll share some of my findings, but for now I welcome any sources you have on the following topics:

Reproductive ethics

Fertility drugs

Fertility nutrition

The intersection of community life and sexuality

Christian community as family
Infertility

Now off to the library I go.