Perpetual Anticipation

The schizophrenia of awareness

noreply@blogger.com (Laure) — Thu, 07 Jul 2016 23:03:00 +0000

More and more lately, I find myself torn between opposite impulses. As the tangible reality of energy and its power permeate my life a little more each day, I struggle with my human reactions to things, people and events. As I open social media, my feed is full of news that by all account warrant my anger, outrage and grief. But I am all too aware now that this anger would travel quickly and only fuel the egregor that is at the origin of the event or situation itself. I cannot pretend ignorance anymore of the kind of influence we as individuals have on the world we live in, not only in our actions, but in our thought and our (un)ability to transmute our emotions into something that will not feed the harmful forces that are at play in our physical reality.

But how to live this, or communicate about it in a way that respects people's justified outrage, still eludes me. I mean, I still struggle to not "send" my annoyance at someone walking too slowly in the street in front of me, or my anger at people I love when their behavior doesn't fit my projection of what it should be. How can I decently say to anyone that the way they are reacting to appalling injustice, pointless violence or harmful decisions motivated by greed is actually strengthening what they want to fight against?

How to bring that awareness across, and what to do with it myself, are still questions I struggle with every day. And even though I know it is vital for the growth of our planet that people become aware of how their own energy often sustains what they loath, I am reluctant to talk about it, mostly because I doubt my own ability to walk my talk. Should something terrible happen to me or mine, would I be able to deal with my rage in a way that would not be detrimental for humans as a whole ? Would I be able to experience it without sending it? Would I be able to stand on the side of love, no matter what ? The truth is, I don't know. At this point, if I'm being honest, probably not.

So the question stays open. How to make things change without feeding the other side? How to create a form of activism that is both efficient and aware, knows how to transmute anger into a tool for evolution, addresses the systemic causes of what they want to change as well as the present ones, and defends the greater good from a stance of Light? Is it even possible, on a global scale, at this stage of human consciousness ? I want to believe it is, because otherwise our world is doomed, caught in a cycle of energy that will never run out, where the perpetrators can reach at will into the well of anger and hate constantly being refilled by the victims. But I have no answers, just my desire to do what is most right ; to strive to meet everyone in my life with kindness and compassion. Somehow, today, it doesn't feel like enough.

Learning to grieve

noreply@blogger.com (Laure) — Thu, 09 Jun 2016 03:24:00 +0000

In the last year and a half, I have experienced many things, not the least of which were the death of my beloved grandmother and the end of my first serious relationship. Both were big events that sparked a tremendous change in how I lived with myself and dealt with the world. And today, as I am still going through significant aftershocks, most of which positive, I find myself wondering: is grieving in a good way the most important thing one will ever learn? And this begs another question: why was I not taught this as a child? Why was the transformative nature of grief not taught to me as soon as I was old enough to understand language? Why did I need to wait thirty years to begin to grasp what our culture, our parents, everything around us denies: without healthy grieving, change is ten times as hard.

This past year, things for me have been, and are still, moving at a pace I can barely keep up with. Almost everyday, my connection to my true self and to the invisible reality that surrounds us gains a new aspect, sometimes in ways I could not have foreseen. This transformation is thrilling, but it comes with its lot of letting go and grieving. If I hadn't learned, thanks to wise, generous women, how to welcome grief and make use of it, I could never go as fast as I have been going. Even as I discover new gifts and abilities everyday, and as my confidence soars, most days I find myself having to consciously sit down and cry for what I am losing.

Don't get me wrong: I would never trade what I have gained to get my old self back. Some of the things I am presently grieving are my identity as a victim, "normality" (even though I've known for a long time there was no such thing, it's still a difficult illusion to give up), unawareness, a sense of having no responsibility to myself, the luxury of looking to other people to guide me in what I don't yet understand, the illusion that I'm in control, or that I am the owner of my gifts, my propensity to allow myself compromises on things I know I cannot compromise on anymore, masks I use to be more acceptable in social situations. What I am celebrating is infinitely more precious, though it comes with a great sense of responsibility, which may just be another word for true personal power.

As I go through this process, pain is becoming my friend. In the end, it is not, in itself, good or bad as we were taught. Pain is just pain. It can be experienced, fought, denied, expressed ; nothing changes the nature of it, nor its presence. So why are we not taught its gifts? The gift of listening, to ourselves and to others. The gift of knowing that welcoming it is actually propelling us forward, to a version of ourselves we couldn't have dreamt of. The gift of recognizing it, sitting with it, letting it exist, letting it pour out of us without holding on to it. Why are we told to stop crying instead of being encouraged to cry as something healthy and no more distressing than any other human experience? Why are we not taught an awareness of ourselves that would allow us to know when pain needs to be acknowledged?

Understand me: I am not talking about trauma. Pain associated with trauma is a whole other beast, though healthy grieving is also instrumental in recovering. But I am talking about all the small or big losses that accompany any evolution and that, instead of becoming a big heavy ball that makes each change more difficult, can be released as we go, leaving us lighter to face a new self or new circumstances. After all, change is the one marker or being human; our ability to change who we are in the world, not in our essence, but in how we express it, is undeniable and often quite dramatic.

Each day, as I sit on the floor consciously grieving what I'm letting go (or trying to let go!) of, I find myself in pain, yes, but mostly I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for all the help I am getting, for the opportunity to change, for the opportunity to do this work, for the opportunity to be there with myself without once wondering whether I have a "right" to be upset, even as I am equally exhilarated by the new world that is opening before me and the role I can feel I have to play in it. I can only hope that when the time comes, I will be able to model this for my children, so that they can go through their life lighter than I have been, and fully embrace change when it appears instead of letting their old skins define them for fear of the pain that comes with shedding them.

NB: as you might have guessed by this post, as I am changing, the tone of this blog will change as well...

To busy Spring, laid back Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 20:34:00 +0000

Hello everyone! My my, I've done it again, it's been more than two months... To my defense, I had a LOT going on in May/June.

First, I performed my solo show for the first time at the end of May during the EAT New Work Series, and then two more times at The Hive in Brooklyn. It was a wonderful experience, and I felt so blessed with all the support and feedback I got! I now feel confident that I have a good piece and that it speaks to people despite its personnal nature. It still needs some tweaking, but I'm excited at the prospect of traveling with it, provided the department of Immigration grants me my visa... Here are some pictures of my Hive performances, courtesy of my Dad who was here for the occasion.

This experience has been an eye opener on what I really enjoyed doing as an artist, and that is to embody my own message. The more I do things, the clearer it becomes that I'm never going to be satisfied with playing other people's words or characters. The truth is, I don't want to be other people. Doing this show is one of the rare times where I truly felt empowered onstage, not only because people were listening to what I was saying, but because everything I was doing or saying belonged to me. It was exhilarating and terrifying and I'm so grateful that I had the chance to do it.

I then started performing the Tempest at The Hive as Stephano, the Drunken Butler. That was an awesome opportunity to do some comedy, which I've always wanted to do, and a great ensemble piece. My friend Kate, who also directed my solo, was amazing and we sold out for almost the whole run. Here are some more pictures below :)

And finally, three days after taking the last bow, I appeared in Tabula Rasa, an experimental dance show by Ran Xia exploring the relationships between creators, in which I played Georges Sand opposite Frederick Chopin. Below is the video, the Sand/Chopin part starts at 11.16. Keep in mind it's mostly improv, even though we'd been working together for a few months. It was fun and a great way to practice listening and being in the moment. Ran is an amazing girl, a writer, director and visual artist who is super knowledgeable on theater and twenty thousand other things :). If you can't see the video, follow that link: https://youtu.be/yfTyAXq2yEU

And after that we finally moved out of our apartment, and all I have to do now is wait for my visa and enjoy life in New York! My friend and yogi extraordinaire Mathieu Boldron visited for a month and he has managed to convert me to Yoga after I discovered the benefits of seeing the world upside down while hanging out with him and his sister Maeva (a gorgeous dancer who recently graduated from Ailey's dance school). Below are some pictures of the last few weeks (some of them are from the awesome rooftop I'm enjoying for the month of July):

And now, the professionals in action. Pro pics by David Tufino.

That's all folks! I'll get back to you before long to talk about Summer in NYC and the Sound Accord/Acutonics workshop I'm doing in Madison at the end of the month. Until then, down dog on :)

How to juggle your passions effectively

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 Apr 2015 22:10:00 +0000

Hey everyone! So, I've been pretty busy recently, but not so much overwhelmed, despite stretching myself in several very different directions (as usual). In addition to finishing my show (you can help by participating or sharing the Indiegogo campaign in the sidebar), learning my lines for The Tempest (and yes, we have a campaign for that too!), working on a dance show set to happen late June, putting together my visa petition and working as a tour guide to support myself, I have also started meditating every day, designed 2 knitting patterns, finished knitting a huge shawl, started drawing and blogging again and managed to go see three Broadway shows in less than two weeks. Now for those who know me, I have literally spent my life trying (and failing!) to devise a schedule that includes everything I like to do and everything I have to do while still staying manageable and flexible enough for me to stick to it. I had pretty much given up on trying to pursue everything while also feeling like I was accomplishing something. Enters: DA book!

Now I have read many books dedicated to people like me, and this is by far the one I've found the most useful. It gives a lot of good advice, but I only took away two, and so far they have changed the way I organize my life and made it way more fulfilling and easier to manage (you can purchase the book here)

The first advice is to choose the 4 things you'd like to give priority to in your life at this moment. Those are by no means set in stone and you can change them anytime. Then divide a notebook into 4 and start making lists of things you need to or want to do regarding those 4 things. For instance, for me, for the last few months, the four things were "Tell my own stories" (and this transformed into a subcategory of "Create One Woman show"), "Start setting foot into the knitwear design world", "Prepare my visa application" and "Deepen my spiritual practice". The list for Create One Woman Show included things like "Write 7 years old monologue", "find second hand suitcase", "cut music for second choreography", "look up solo festivals", "create crowdfunding campain", "write blurb for workshop in March", etc.... The categories can be anything and everything, "spend more time with my kids", "read more", "learn chinese", it can be a mix of things you have to do (preparing my visa) and things you just need to feel healthier in your life (deepening spiritual practice).

Then comes the second part of the advice: the actual scheduling! Margaret Lobenstine's book is mostly aimed at people with day jobs, and she says to dedicate chunks of time in your schedule to those four things, without defining in advance to which. You just block 2h in your day for that, and when you hit those two hours, you take your notebook and look at what you feel like doing at that moment. I do things a bit differently since my schedule is very flexible and mostly self imposed, so I actually have way more time than someone working 40h a week. I use a weekly planner mouse pad (best invention ever!) on which I write categories I want to be active in during the week. In my case, it goes well beyond the 4 things (again, if you have a day job, 4 might be quite enough!), though those might get a bit more attention. Next to each category I draw 3 or 4 boxes. Each box represents an uninterrupted period of time of one hour or more. Everytime I spend an hour or more on one activity, I check the box. If I spend only 30 min, I check half. If I spend more than 2h, I check two. The goal is that by the end of the week, I will have checked at least more than half the boxes in each category (so if I had 3 boxes next to knitting, having 2 checked. If I had 4 boxes next to Visa, having 3 checked etc...). Usually, for the 4 main ones I try to check all the boxes.

Here's what my schedule looks like at the beginning of the week (note that I'm not actually using the specific days, just the sheet as a whole to represent the week). The sticky note is for my current to do list, of things that are urgent or don't fit into any categories, like answering a specific email.

And that's it. When I get a chunk of time at home, I look at what category looks empty, what I feel like doing at the moment, if I need inspiration I go to my notebook and see what I could do to advance my 4 focal points, and away I go. And if one week one activity stays blank, then the next week I put a star next to it and make it a priority. Working this way has many advantages: I seldom feel forced to do anything, and keeping track allows me to see my progress and actually feel like I'm accomplishing something instead of running everywhere and not realizing how much I'm doing. It also lets me know which activities I tend to avoid and help me work on that. This new organization has really helped me feel like I'm moving forward and I thought I'd share what I found to be extremely efficient.

With this, I will leave you with some pictures that were taken when I workshoped the first 20min of my solo last month. I only have 4 weeks left to finish it, so I'd better get back to it! :)

Ghibli and me

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 05:38:00 +0000

So, I actually have a lot to say about what I've been doing, but it will have to wait because I've been dying to write this post for a month now! I'll just say this: I have just launched an Indiegogo campaign to help me finance my one woman show... If you want to donate or share it, I will be much grateful! Just click on the link below:

Fund "Woman Seeks God" Indiegogo Campaign

Ok, so now let's talk about Ghibli. Very few people know that, but I'm a Ghibli maniac. I don't think their work is as popular in the US as in Europe (but I may be mistaken). In trying to deal with my own life this past month, I've turned to Ghibli and rewatched some old favorites, as well as discovered some new ones. Without doing an in depth analysis, I 've been wanting to share here why I love those movies so much.

My fascination with Ghibli began when I saw Spirited away. There was so much danger and wonder intertwined in this film, I felt myself reconnecting with my dreams as a child, which were both terrifying and exhilarating. This movie is still my absolute favorite animated movie of all times, and my first go-to in case of despair. One of the themes that come back very often in Ghibli movies is innocence/childhood. I think Myazaki is a big fat nostalgic (or maybe because his childhood was shot because of the war), and there's always a glorification of this blessed time of being carefree and filled with joy by life. That's probably one of the reasons those movies speak to me as well.

Their aesthetic is extremely unique, especially when it comes to secondary characters, where they draw a lot on Japanese folklore and in general give birth to extremely weird and delightful creatures. The archetype of the Witch/The Old Woman is a prominent one in Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, Laputa, and she's always both good and bad (Clarissa Pinkola Estès would love them actually!).

These movies are very different from western ones. They deal with deeper archetypes. They don't use outside references, nor do they laugh at their own jokes. There's a sense of reality and humanity in even the most fantastic stories, like Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle. Almost all of the movies deal with loss (real loss, not "a character dies, then reappear magically at the end"). They may be created for children, but they don't pull any punches, instead showing how characters deal with life and its hardships, sometimes in a very painful way (don't watch Grave of the Fireflies if you're having a bad day!).

There's also no fairy tales here. Female characters don't exist to end up with male protagonists (except in Howl's Castle, that is adapted from a Western book and where the heroine still ends up saving her love interest, and in the more "manga like" movies like Whisper of the Heart and Only Yesterday). Miazaki said it best in one of my favorite quotes: “I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live - if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.”

Another distinctive feature of Ghibli movies (apart from the fact that they are entirely hand drawn, something that has become almost extinct) is that nature and the weather are characters in their own rights. An incalculable number of shots are devoted to the beautiful watercolor landscapes that serve as backdrop for the stories. Water is here in every single film. This brings a wonderful sense of time and stillness that is non existent in modern animation, where everyone tries to pack as many jokes as possible in 90min. Don't get me wrong, I love Pixar as much as the next girl...Ghibli just connects on a deeper lever. And very often, the way human interact with nature is central to the story, like in Princess Mononoke.

Finally, there are the houses, and the worlds. I'm a huge sucker for houses, gardens and magical dwellings, and every time I just want to teleport to live inside the movies. Below are some of my favorites...

One of the last movies from Ghibli is The Tale of the Princess Kaguya. It was nominated for an Oscar, and I'm singling it out because it is visually very different. The whole movie is made with ink and watercolor, and it is a true masterpiece, one that will take your breath away with beauty. It also happens to be a story dear to my heart, as it addresses what I'm struggling to share in my one woman show, the pain and joy of being on Earth when coming from a place of light.

On this I leave you, hoping to have sparked your desire to watch these beautiful films. I'll come back soon with an update of what I'm doing when I'm not watching Totoro! :)

The winter of my discontent...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 28 Jan 2015 01:04:00 +0000

Ok, I just noticed that my last post was in 2013. I have officially become the worst blogger ever. Anyway, it is never too late to do good, as we say in French ;)

I am radically changing the way I write my blogs. First, I'm going to post different things on the French and English version of this blog. Mainly because this one is a more general one (though I am not kidding myself as to the numbers of my readership :) ), while the French one is directed mostly to my friends and family. Also, I have finally started a knitting blog, that can be found here. I love so much browsing through other people knitting adventures that I thought I'd join in on the fun. Finally, I've decided to write about what is really going on with me, regardless of whether I find it "interesting" or not. Blogs are for readers, yes, but I would like to try an experiment in un-editing myself and see what will come out.

Never underestimate the cheering powers of pretty yarn.

2015 is starting strong for me. I have already talked about my grand mother's passing, and that is taking a huge part of my life right now, and sparking a slew of questions I would much rather not have to answer, but cannot ignore.

One of my attempts at answering them is the solo performance I've been working on since November. I have been lucky enough to have been welcomed at The Hive NYC to create the show, and while it has been very slow going, I think I can say that I'm finally beginning to see the direction it is taking. It is not quite the one I had in mind when I started and has taken a more metaphysical turn, but it reflects more truly what really matters to me, rather than what I think people will want to watch.

I am going to be using quite a lot of movement, and so far that is the part I haven't really dived in. I need to get back in shape and start doing very specific physical exploration if I want anything I do to have meaning. I am lucky enough to have gravitated around a bunch of very talented performers/directors in France putting up solo performances and theater/movement performances. François Berdeaux, director of the Compagnie Désequilibre, was one of them. Here's a trailer for a one man show he directed with acrobat Cyrille Musy, about time and its perpetual passing.

Of course I don't suppose to do anything as acrobatic, but getting back into a dance studio would probably do me good!

I know it's only a little show, and I barely have twelve minutes of it, and maybe eleven out of those twelve suck, but it feels fantastic to be my own master and do my own work. Not sure I'll ever be able to play the audition game for very long at a time. I guess you could call that a good thing, since it literally puts a gun marked "create!" to my head... :)

Here's to a next update before 2017!

Let's make up time... first part!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 16 May 2013 05:05:00 +0000

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Hello everyone! Yes, I know, I disappeared ... What can I say? ... The last few weeks have been epic to say the least! I do not even know where to begin ... The past two months, every day I felt like:

The rhythm accelerated quickly towards the end of March ... Between the songs to choose for the cabaret and the scenes to choose for the "Scene night", it was, in short, a marathon.

We play, sing, dance ...

We blow fuses...

Furniture is being hijacked...

And the teachers too are tired ...

All this does not prevent us to enjoy the few days of hot weather that we had in this chilly spring ... As soon as possible, direction: the park!

Looks like we are spending days outside, but all these photos were taken in two days ... :)

Personally I took advantage of the weather to spend quality time with my man... how much we walk!! And I love New York, even though I can not stand the city sometimes ... :)

From Central Park to the Highline ...

Through Downtown and the West Village ...

Ending with the Cloisters and Soho... so many kilometers in the last few months!

Well, it's not all that but I think it's been a lot of pictures to digest, even if not a lot of text ... So I'll take a break and come back to you very quickly (for real!) for the videos and reports of the various and varied performances ... Ah, doesn't that make your mouth water ;)

Spring is back... or not!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 18:01:00 +0000

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Well, yes, I know, it's been two months ... I do the best I can, huh ! Let me tell you that I have been busy lately, and I'm barely catching my breath after a week off before resuming the craziness...

So what's new? The weather has been delightful in recent months, with some particularly sunny and warm days. Of course, to balance it out, we still had a few days of blizzard, the last one yesterday!

Of course, I don't know much about all this because most of the time I'm stuck in my basement working like a dog... We started Shakespearean scenes, monologues first, then Twelfth Night ... a treat, but again a little rushed, since we're 17 and not ahead of other groups ... In short, we're quite exhausted ...

End of weeks at the 1C's ....

... that does not prevent us from joking around !

It's always in speech class that things go crazy...

From top to bottom and left to right: Romeo and Juliet, As You Like It (notice the forest in the middle)

and Taming of the shrew ...

Of course, in addition to all this, as I am in the advanced dance class, I had five hours rehearsals on Sunday evenings to prepare for the dance presentation of the second year ... yay ...

Losing it at 22h ... pic by Kristin Guerin.

Classes are going well overall. I confess that I am too tired and too close to the work to have any insight. I don't really know whether I'm improving or not. Being back in a school setting is quite draining, people criticizing you everyday is not great for mental health ... and not really conducive to creativity. Of course, it is inevitable, but nevertheless hardly reconcilable with the inner freedom necessary for this kind of exploration...

What we hear ten times a day ...

Often it is difficult to see the "big picture", or feel on track .... Before Spring Break, I had reached that point:

Tired of fighting in Alan's class to connect to anything real and find myself constantly stopped by the "Mary Poppins syndrome "

Plagued by old injuries and having to constantly work around them and apologize to the dance teacher for not being able to do this or that, I felt a little like Lina:

In short, feeling dandy! But hey, the break has worked its magic, and after a short week of recovery and sleep, I am ready to roll, spirited and with a new motto:

Come what may, I'll just do my best and "hope for the best" as they say here ...

Before the break I had the pleasure to have a little taste of France in the person of Flannan who visited New York and with whom I spent delicious moments at 54 Below to see Brent Barrett in concert, and at home with his friend Myriam, where we feasted and watched TV in good couch potatoes that we are ...

A good preamble to the break that followed! The week was short, but I still had time to wander, to draw, to do some shopping (yarn!) and test my new camera, yay!

I also took the opportunity to make a trip to Ikea (yes, even here) to buy a bookcase, because my room was getting crowded with books ... It is a real adventure, because you have to take a boat to get there!

So .... I have a bit of energy to face the start of classes and the choice of songs for cabaret ... the thing is complicated by the fact that we are supposed to choose a song pre-1969 ... As you can imagine it makes me crazy and makes me want to shout:

But ... It's not as if this period lacked good composers... They don't call it the Golden Age for nothing!

Voila ... I leave you with a lovely New York morning: pancakes and pink clouds!

Some time at last!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 05:09:00 +0000

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Okay, I know, water has flowed under the bridge since my last post, but the first two weeks back were plagued with one day weekends because of mocks dance auditions ... What I learned from those was that you have a better chance if you really want the part... lol!

Pics by Ariel, John and Kaleigh

But before that, I had the chance to go to the Park Avenue Armory to see the new installation of Ann Hamilton, The Event of a Thread. Completely magical! I could have stayed there all day, taking pictures and watching people ... :)

Otherwise, nothing exceptionnal in recent weeks ... The days are long and dark, and we hit the ground running with alot of scenes coming up... I'm finishing my translation, which is a great relief and will allow me to really work for school ... phew!

Ed, our Shakespeare teacher...

The middle names of my classmates, courtesy of Kaleigh Kay Wright. Note mine, particularly long.

Between Shakespeare and O'Neill

I am delighted to dive deeper into Shakespeare scenes and monologues, yay! Ed gave me Olivia in Twelfth Night, now I just have to channel my illustrious cousin ... :)

That's it .... Otherwise nothing new, except the bitter cold and the snow ! New York is still New York, and when I have a moment to take a stroll it is always a pleasure ...

I leave you with my succulent, thriving despite my lack of care!

Lots of kisses everyone, see you soon!

The enchanted holiday...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:35:00 +0000

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Let me start where I stopped yesterday, at my departure, on Christmas Day, to go to my Mum! Yay! The gifts were barely unwrapped when I jumped on the train (2 min before the doors closed...) for a safe trip to the sea ..

I took the opportunity to work (very little) and spin (a lot) ... I really miss crafts, and it's really hard for me to have no time over long periods ... So when I do have time, I go back in my bubble times 50. Since the beginning of the holidays, I have done virtually nothing for school (translation takes me quite some time already!). I'm going to have to get back into it quickly before Monday rolls in...

The bubble... ;)

Just arrived in my favorite haven, we exchanged Christmas gifts, and then I followed up with all my appointments: hairdresser, physiotherapist, shrink, various doctors, mediums / shamans and other angels. .. The kind of thing that in the U.S. I'd have to sell my body on Times Square to be able to afford.

Well, besides my trips to the huts of shamans, I still had time to go raiding stores Rochelle ... :)

As usual, we treated ourselves to great food ! I was so happy to find good French food without unbridled chemicals and especially without corn syrup everywhere ... yum!

After some rainy days, the weather improved gradually, starting with beautiful sunsets ...

... continuing with some gray days without rain ...

Finally, on January 1st, the sun came out, allowing us to truly enjoy the beacj ... Gorgeous! I thoroughly soak up horizons before returning to my buildings and my basement ... tough to live a city life without a car to get some air! : (

So one week under the sign of softness and relaxation (relative, as always ...) Going back will be hard!

And that's it ! In two days I fly back to the U.S., I admit fairly torn and dreading the return to our basement and our marathon ...

In short, the only light at the end of the tunnel is that I'm going to be reunited with my lovely group of crazy artist people and other dear friends overseas... Thank God for people. Who knew I would ever say that? :) I say, it's the best way to start the year... See you soon for new adventures!

Merry Christmas... hum...I mean... Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 00:13:00 +0000

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And a Merry Christmas to all!! What, I'm late? Barely! Although ... I have a lot to tell you! Here we go, I'll try to be brief (I might fail!)

So, we have lived the last few weeks before break like zombies, in total denial, barely awake enough to remember our names!

We need to reach the finish line!

I have said it before and let me repeat it: we are not tired at all!

Well, personally, it did not stop me from still enjoying Christmas decorations in New York, especially grand. Winter Wonderland indeed ...

So, before leaving for our well deserved winter vacation, we still had to go through evaluations, which means an appointment with the school's director who reads us each teacher's evaluation, discussed during the faculty meeting. Nothing to report in my case, except that everyone wants me to have a little more confidence in myself ... What a surprise!

Joking aside, it's true that I still cannot take myself seriously as an actress. On the other hand, on a personal level, I know things are moving, especially in my relationships with others. The work is paying (and doing exactly what I wanted it to do!) and I feel myself relaxing a lot more with other humans, and being more open in general to feel what I feel when I feel it ... which can sometimes be quite terrifying! :)

What is also becoming increasingly clear is that I'm not really orienting myself towards musical theater. I already knew it, but it has been confirmed by what I feel and also by being in contact with people who are really good at it ... Below is the video taken during our last lesson in Speech: Elizabeth gave us all the same text, to interpret as we wished in groups of 4/5. This is what some of my classmates did with 15 minutes of preparation ... I think it speaks for itself.

So once the classes were done, the gifts distributed and the farewells bid, we all flew to our respective destinations, in my case the gray Paris, which I was very happy to reunite with.

It was a pleasure to return despite the four days race to try and see everyone for a few frustrating hours. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful people, and it is still not easy to leave all those I love and who know me to go on an adventure in New York lol! I tried to do the best I could with the little time I had ... and I even managed to spend a day in London to see my dear cousin !

But unfortunately, that mean I have not spent enough time with my dear family ... fortunately we caught up on Christmas Eve ... It started with my stepmother, who had the good idea to put an electric train as a centerpiece ... Thereupon my brother and his iphone arrived... and the result cannot be told with words!

After that, we were on a roll and continued with the traditional family photos ... again, a poem!

But we can also be beautiful!

In short, we had a blast! And the next day we woke up at dawn to open our gifts! Youhou! :) Personally, I was spoiled with a lot of clothes and delicious books like this magnificent copy of "Silk" illustrated by my darling Rebecca Dautremer ...

Thus ends my Parisian break between winter forest, lights of the theater and warmth of friendship ...

I thought I could write more today, but I see that it is already too long ... so I will come back tomorrow for a double dose of news! How lucky are you?

I'd say "see you next year!" but I missed the boat by a day... my life is not an existence! (Copyright Camille Saillant)

See you tomorrow duckies!

Make way for Tofurkey!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:19:00 +0000

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I know, I know, it's been years since I have posted anything new! Shame on me! I'll try to catch up ... So, first, it's holiday season. Our Thanksgiving break was just long enough to make us feel how exhausted we were, and I had the chance to eat a delicious traditional meal prepared by my favorite roommate. The only unconventional dish was Tofurkey for an assistance mainly composed of vegetarians ...

Well, tofu or not tofu, it was delicious and we filled our bellies watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special ... Unfortunately I do not have my DVDs of Friends here, otherwise I would have rewatched the Thanksgiving episodes, always the best ...

In case you would still doubt it, Heather takes her decorations very seriously, whatever the occasion ... And again, this is nothing compared to Christmas ... but I'm getting there!

While we ate, my Circle buddies roamed the streets of New York, orchestrating false marriage proposals ....

Another event worthy of notice, we had our first fake dance auditions... Usually on Sunday (this morning it was 8:30 ... youhou ...), they are designed to put us in conditions for professional audition ...

Everyone manages rejection as they can... Finnish vodka is an option!
Photo by Kaleigh

And no, I have not been cast, neither in the first nor in the one of today (not quite "happy" enough, I hear... really? What a surprise! :P) ... It was a Mary Poppins theme, so the choreography was bouncing!

It's a lot of fun, it's just eats half of our weekend that is already pretty short ... oh well. It's not as if we were tired or anything ...

Anyway, apart from all that I lug myself around with both ankles sprained : the right from habit, the left because I foolishly took BH Barry's bait, implying I was lazy because I wanted to protect my crazy joints. As a result, I tried to land a handspring on my feet when I'm not even supposed to do a simple jeté in dance classes. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Fortunately in two weeks I'll be coming home and I can go wish a merry Christmas to my osteopath ... who does not cost $300 per half-hour, as here. Speaking of Christmas, I'd rather tell you they take it pretty seriously here ...

Photos by me and Heather

And as I have the good fortune to live with a holiday freak, I have my own Winter Wonderland at home now that we decorated the trees (yes, the trees, plural) ...

And you've seen nothing yet ... Below is a short video to give you a better idea ...

I admit, the last few weeks have been difficult, and I cannot manage to keep my spirits up because of the fatigue ... I feel like I suck at everything, the school and the translation, and in addition I spend my days struggling to stay focused ...

So I gave myself small Christmas gifts in advance! Who said I had too much wool???

It is not yet too cold, New York is beautiful whatever the weather ... I am big hit with my old coat that everyone hates in France, I don't go a day without someone being ecstatic over it lol! It shows, I just need to find where my peculiar sense of style would be appreciated at its true value ... :)

Picture by Kaleigh

Ah yes, my brother has been there in the meantime, and is ready to come live in NYC ...

Well, on this I leave you with a Christmas picture with my beloved group who's going very well ! Lots of kisses darlings, until soon!

What a ride!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 02:42:00 +0000

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OMG, guys, these past two weeks!

First, the passage of Sandy. Here in Queens we barely felt it. Just a few gusts of wind soon forgotten, followed by a week of (very welcome) forced vacation.

The extent of the damage in our street.

Of course, everyone did not have this chance, and some people in my class have just gotten back heat and hot water. And I'm not even talking about the devastation of Staten Island and along the East Coast ... It will take months to clean and restore everything.

Heather brings her most precious possession to safety during the storm ...

So after a week of eating junk food and watching TV, the first week of going back to school has been painful to say the least. On the one hand, I do not know how we would have made it to Christmas break without this this week off, and on the other, I feel that it is much worse to resume after stopping because the lack of time is so striking.

It feels really good to stop ... It is very difficult for me to be creative when I feel I'm chasing time ...

Well, the storm still ruined Halloween ... Some pumpkins survived, and we did a Halloween brunch with my friends / neighbors on the same day, but it is not the same as going to school all dressed up...

Sandy barely out of the way,school barely open again, we were all on edge again for the election!! It didn't seem like the vote was won in advance, despite all the blunders made by Romney, especially after Sandy ... So when the votes began to be counted Tuesday night, we were all rather worried ...

And gradually, as states became red on the map and the chances of Romney grew, it became more and more like:

But then Ohio saved the day!! And after that, it was over for Romney, Thank God!

And we were like:

And Obama was like:

And through all this, Diane Sawyer was like:

In short, a great day for all of us women, gays, artists and anti-corporation people in general.

What else to tell you ? It's been officially two months since we started school, even if it seems like years. I went to see the revival of the Mystery of Edwin Drood, I loved it and will concoct a review as soon as possible.

Click on the pictures to see them bigger!

The weather is going completely wacko and goes from snow to sun without warning ...

Our stage combat class is gradually transforming into circus class ... frankly, that's not what's best for my already struggling body, and I can not wait to start the use of weapons next year: less direct contact, so less danger of injury!

I have a new decor in my room, and I still manage to find time to knit, incredible!

And now what? Nothing too exciting unfortunately ... I have no scene until next week and the following is December 4, so it is pretty quiet. However, the first real false dance audition will be held on Sunday...lots of fun in perspective !

Ah, yes, one last thing : I spent the day watching documentaries on Netflix (the best invention since sliced bread), and one of them is absolutely amazing, about the 2006 production of Mother Courage and Her Children in Central Park, and the context in which Brecht wrote the play ... Below, the first part (it is in its entirety on Youtube). I can only strongly advise you to watch it, even if you're not an artist, the reflexion is worth it...

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, Sandy's in the place, yo.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 22:28:00 +0000

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So here I am waiting for the coming of our stormy visitor. Classes were canceled tomorrow for the first time in the history of Circle (barely an exaggeration). No subways from tonight 7pm. Which means ... more time to catch up on my blog !

These last two weeks have been full of new and varied emotions ... The first is that, nine hours a day locked up in an environment where we are asked to expose ourselves constantly can wreck havoc in my ability to relate to people without tension.

I am not used to being in a group all the time, and subject to the general mood changes and other incompatibilities of character... This had me in a state of super protection two weeks ago, and frustrated by everyone and everything, no matter how harmless...

Only it's all very well, but it soon dawned on me - my mind is slightly used to identifying my own defense mechanisms - that not only was it not quite fair to my classmates who were also struggling with the same unsettling conditions I was, but also that it was not especially constructive and that it went completely against the artist and the person I'm desperately trying to become ...

In short, all that was needed were a few adjustments on my part, and since then everything has been shiny! I feel that things are changing for the better, without my knowledge. The work that we do, although it seems scattered at times and I have the feeling I don't have enough time to digest it, is making its way outside f my control (which is just as well .. . ahem).

Photos by me, Emma and Kaleigh

So school is going fine, if I forget my ankle / knee sprains that do not make it easy to dance and make me look like a slacker when I'm just trying to keep my body in working order beyond 35 years old .... Oh well.
The thing I find hard to reconcile is the different approach to the two years of school: first year, we do 8 scenes max in the whole year. In the second year, we have sometimes 8 scenes per week ... Shifting into high gear is an understatement...

Huh? What? Four scenes in a day???

On another note, Autumn is here in all its splendor. The trees are yellow and the festivities are in full swing ... Here, the holidays are serious business! Yesterday night I was in Manhattan on my way to see Sherie Rene Scott at 54 Below (Review here), and I have never come across so many people in elaborate costumes in a city. It seemed that all the theaters had dumped their companies in the street ...

Only in New York City ..

Sherie Rene Scott at 54 Below: the show was great, I love this place. And Heather and Juliana are very awesome company!

Pictures by Heather

Otherwise, nothing exciting ... We still manage to have a quiet night from time to time, when I'm not translating I spend my life reading plays, and Saturday is always laundry day!

The only bit of interesting news was that Vanessa Redgrave was coming to do a seminar tomorrow ...

But... because of Sandy it is canceled of course ....

With that, I'm going to bed ... so far no sign of said killjoy, but I'm sure it will not be long ... it won't prevent me from sleeping soundly! Ha, I laugh in the face of danger!

Love and kisses to all and see you soon for an account of this adventure ...

Week...? Who's counting anymore?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 23:25:00 +0000

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Hello hello, my faithful readers!

Last weekend was very busy, so I found myself forced to postpone my article to today ... thus, I now have too much to say!

First thing I should say is, we are tired!

These last two weeks have been epic and eventful ... The week before last week was hard for me and I found myself going back to an "hyper protective" state, which is not really the most efficient for a theater program, eh ... So last weekend I kicked my own ass to get back to "vulnerable" ... come what may!

So before even getting into a recap of this last week, last Sunday I got up at dawn to go audition to be part of the advanced dance class with Jeanne at 7:30 on Friday morning. And yes, not only do we have dance a class at 7:30, but here 40 people will get up at 7am on a Sunday morning to audition for that class ...

The Sunday warriors

The state of my knees after the audition ....

The audition began as a regular class with a warm up and accross the floor and ended like a real audition with half an hour to learn a choreography in a crowded room, and dance it by group of three in front of people coming from outside the school. Personally, I had fun! In the end, 14 people got into the class and I was one of them : 7 girls 7 boys, 5 first years, 3 in my group. The week was starting well!

Monday, we were lucky enough to have Suzanne Bertish come and talk to us about Shakespeare for too short an hour ... I loved this woman, and I keep her in mind for "potential workshop opportunity" if one day she decides to teach one ... :)

Everyone was in high spirits on Monday, so during mask we went in all directions, from musical improv to "on the moment" games that suited me very well. We've been working on primal state and personally, as soon as we try making up stories of "I'm making a fire," "I hunt a mammoth", "I pick berries," I just drop out of it completely. While this time we were simply connected and playing while discovering words.

That was pretty much the idea of this class ...

Tuesday was almost uneventful, but we met our Workshop teacher, Mr. Abels. I like him a lot and I'm looking forward to working with him on Tuesday.
Wednesday we started a new exercise in physical acting, question/answer improv without words, just the body and sounds. I had a lot of fun, and I'm happy with the freedom that I'm finding in terms of instinctive reaction.

A mini diversion to talk in two words about shows that I've been seeing this week, because I'm super late for my review blog ! The new version of Forbidden Broadway, the show that parodies all current musicals where I died laughing. Pericles, Prince of Tyre, brilliantly directed by our classical text teacher, Ed (a lover of Shakespeare and well of knowledge), and performed by a young enthusiastic company with many alumni ... Shakespeare as you always want to see it performed!

It's autumn!

Wednesday, I did my first scene for Alan, so obviously a lot of stress, even though I was trying hard to focus... I was pretty scared to find myself defensive with him because he brings out all my insecurities (probably on purpose!), but I was ok I think. He pointed to the things I knew were weak in the scene... Still trying to find my way around everything that has to be expressed without "pushing" it... I sometimes have trouble when several conflicting reactions/emotions are involved... and of course anything really dramatic is still really hard for me to connect to (problematic, for an actress... hum!) We'll present the scene again in a few weeks. I'm very far from where I want to be in terms of truth, but I didn't feel false or disconnected, so I take it as a positive sign (trying very hard to be patient with myself here) !

New York is still New York ....

Thursday I sang Everybody Loves Louis in Singing interpretation. I had fun and I found several new beats, so it was great. And Sarah was happy, so that's good too. I love reworking a song I know with someone else and enriching what I've already found ... From next week on, we start to work with imposed songs from the American Songbook ... I'm curious to see what she'll suggest!

Friday morning, it was the real deal with dance at 7:15 ... Frankly, I was surprised not to be exhausted ... it was great, for the moment we're working a lot on technique because everyone has different backgrounds, but we move fast and it's stimulating ... But then the day after that is very long indeed !!

Small picture recap of two weeks of partying ...
Some photos by Kaleigh

And amidst all this, I still managed to finish the translation of Gregor 4! Next week, Gregor 5, here I come !

That's it, there's probably a lot of other things, but this is already a lot! Meet again soon for my next adventures!

Time goes by so quickly when you're having fun...or not!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 21:14:00 +0000

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Argh my dears, time here is not elastic! I was planning to write an article last week, but quite frankly I do not even see it go by ! It is very strange indeed, because on one hand time goes at breakneck speed, and on the other it feels like I have started months ago ....

The week began rather well with the Broadway Flea Market last Sunday where we went with Heather and Leehee (another crazy Broadway buff). We wandered between stands, saw lots of beautiful theater people and stopped to say hi to our favorite diva, who was wearing a damn beautiful shawl that was not unfamiliar ... :)

Photo not mine

Then we went home for a real slumber party with junk food, all kinds of screens ans rare bootlegs galore ... Below are some pictures to give you an idea of the evening ...

Still dressed

Pajamas mode

Well, it was all good fun and all, but on Monday, things became serious again. All students were invited to lunch in the theater for a briefing. And there : tragedy! Not only getting an artist visa after three years is an obstacle course, but even if I could, as a non-American, non-English and non-Canadian, I've got almost zero chance to become a union member (and therefore to work) one day ... This afternoon was pretty tragic for me ....

And my fellow students who were asking me "Are you homesick?" ... Uh, no, the opposite!

Well, tomorrow is another day, and I decided to take care of one thing at a time: first, my accent. There will be time to ask for a miracle in three years when I need it. For now, there's work to do and no time to mope. Without writing detailed account, here are some impressions in no particular order.

Technically, my major problem is breathing. I don't know if it's asthma or just unnecessary tension, but it is amazing how my lungs are handicapped.
I was warned about Alan (scene study), but it is now confirmed: this is the most frustrating, difficult, exasperating class all week. That being said, this is where I could learn more if I manage let go of my own demand for a result.
I'm a fan of our text analysis teacher, Larry Gleason, who is passionate, straightforward and with whom it is a pleasure to work.
I discovered a capacity for relaxation and concentration that I did not know I had in Jackie's class (acting technique) ... it is a joy to refocus in that class.
Physical acting is a boot camp for actors, and between it and dance I'll be super muscular in a few months ... for now it is still a huge struggle!

BH Barry (Stage combat, a legend) is one of the most amazing teachers I have ever encountered. His way of managing everyone's fear (we throw each other, we hit each other, we fall, we roll, all of it in a fairly daunting way) is completely effective and absolutely kind.
Giving up control, letting go of things, trusting others is still my main difficulty when it comes to relating... there's a lot of work to do this year!

Yup, that's me ... If there is one thing I have to work on this year, it's this one.

Terry Hayden (Acting technique, 92 year old) is a medium and a treasure ... How lucky to have her working with us.
In general, whether with Kryste or Sara, singing, I'm in the direct line of Chris and Frédérique, so I really feel like I'm continuing the work already begun, and that's great! I feel that last year has prepared me specifically for this program.
It is an absolute joy to be able to go see shows two or three times a week. Each performance is a lesson for me. Check the reviews if you like, although I'm way behind ...

The audition for the advanced dance class (Friday morning 7:15) is next Sunday at 9am. I'm going, but I'm freaking out for this winter and my little muscles who like neither the morning nor the cold. But Jeanne is really great and it would be stupid to miss an opportunity to work two more hours with her.
Passing Victoria Clark en route to a rehearsal for Cinderella when I'm walking to dance class is a surreal experience for the little French girl that I am ...

I still sometimes can not believe that I changed my life so much, that I am HERE. I am where I've wanted to be for more than fifteen years. It's crazy, magical and the overwhelming desire that I have to be part of this community can be upsetting ... So the idea is to focus on the present, one class at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time.

Fall is already here and Halloween is not far away either ...

I'm sure I have plenty of other things to tell you, but it's time to go to bed to start the week more or less fit tomorrow ... :) Love and kisses to all and see you soon I hope!

Week one - Did you say overwhelmed?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 04:57:00 +0000

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Hello lovely people!

So here I am ready to give you a condensed (if possible) report of the first week of classes ... yeeha, hang on and here we go!

First day, nine o'clock in the theater for the briefing with Colin, the director of the school. We, the geeky first years who had met the day before for a picnic in Central Park, kind of huddled in the same row, comparing our schedules. Mine is pretty well balanced : from 9am to 18pm every day except Wednesday when I start at 11am and on Thursday/Friday when I finish earlier. The second years make a hell of a racket, and are clearly too happy to see each other again.

Sunday afternnon ... All these beautiful people, only Ali (blonde) and Brittany (far right) are in my group.

Colin gives us a rundown on the school where we understand that this is not going to be a walk in the park, and before we have time to breathe we find ourselves in Voice with Lucille Rubin. For now, it's not too hard, as she's introducing the program, but on Wednesday it starts getting serious ... :)
Right after we have Alexander Technique, where we go into big philosophical discussions about posture. We eat lunch with a slingshot then re-topo with Paul libbin replacing the late Theodore Mann as artistic director of the school and the theater. A passionate and intelligent man, it is a pleasure to listen to him.

To get a true idea of the atmosphere, you should add the volume ...

After that we meet Mina Yakim, our Mask teacher who worked with Mime Marceau and Stella Adler in her time. She asks lots of questions and start a discussion on the usefulness of the neutral mask for an actor. Some of my co-students have great reflections, it's fun!
Then our first Speech class with Elizabeth Loughran where she takes a moment to talk about her approach and goes on asking everyone questions to start creating our profiles.

Finally, Singing Interpretation with Sara Louise Lazarus. Eager to work, as always, I go first and sing "I read" with a lost pianist and an out of tune piano... I must have spanned three different keys in one song! But, as nervous as I was, I enjoyed acting it, so it was alright. I followed with my Miss Marguarida's monologue and had a blast ! So glad that I could do it in front of an audience, as I was frustrated with not having had a chance to audition with it.

Second day! Voice again with Lucille's assistant, Kristina, who doesn't tolerate lateness (in fact, no one does: 3 latenesses = 1 abscence, 3 abscences = you're out). We run to dance class with Jeanne Slater. Frankly, I've never seen a class conducted as efficiently ... Even if I wasn't struggling with the steps, I had to hang on her every word to get everything she wanted (the downside of being a foreigner!). Those who had never danced gave a hundred percent (like everyone always do here) and followed somehow. Personally I am delighted because she works in depth and sensations, so I'm not disoriented even if it is more "straight jazz" than what I'm used to. We did a routine on "Too damn hot" from Kiss me Kate ... Yummy !

An "advanced" class should start within one or two weeks, on Friday morning at 7:30 am (!). What can I say? This week has confirmed what I already thought: French people are lazy artists.

After that, Acting Technique with Jackie Brookes. Such a joy to study with someone so rich of life and presence... Then Acting Workshop where we choose a partner and a scene to present in the coming month. As I am here to work and Silas, my partner is also eager, we will be the first to go next Tuesday with a scene from Venus in Fur (there is no words to say how happy I am about this).

The first day was pretty laid back. At the end of the second, our state of mind could be summed up like this:

(Gotta love Audra)

We already have a pile of homework and rehearsals lying ahead, and it's not going to get better. The next day, our first two classes are canceled, so we come to Scene Study class with Alan Langdon. He takes most of it to take us on a detailed "tour" of the room, each piece of furniture, every hole in the wall, observing our reactions and trying to elicit responses. I observe and smile. I smile less when he gives us a list of scenes that we can choose from: out of the 30 plays I barely know 4 ... A lot of reading in perspective. I knew my lack of knowledge of American plays would be an issue, but it's still frustrating and makes me feel unprepared, even though I did my best to read as much as possible in the last few months. I still sign up for next week with the imposed scene (Pinter) and in two weeks with a scene from A loss of Roses.

From Wednesday on, I begin to struggle to meet my translation quota in the evenings as we already have a lot of things to read, memorize, research, write. Thursday adds a new sonnet for Classical Text with Edward Berkeley. We present all our Shakespeare monologues, this is the first time everyone performs in my group of 17, well,I tell you, there's talent to spare. The other new class is with Terry Hayden, acting technique, 95 year old. The way she deconstructs people in two sentences is fascinating. I think we're all going to break down in this class because she is unsentimental, while still being compassionate.

Terry in her younger years ... a beauty.

So, at this point, I'm already working in the subway in the morning, in the evening, any time I can.

Just when we think we cannot have more homework, Friday shows up with the Text Analysis class. And then, how do I put it ....

We only have this class for the first 4 months, so Larry Gleason tries to do his best to prepare us in this short amount of time. We are divided into two groups, each with a different play, and in two weeks we have to make an interactive presentation about the historical/literary/artistic/etc... context. It would not be so bad if we were not already overwhelmed by the work for other classes...

My homework for the next two weeks ...

Fortunately, after that, we go to Stage Combat with the legendary BH Barry, who is funny, friendly and efficient, and allows us to unwind by throwing each other on mats while screaming in (fake) pain .

That's it, we've seen all the teachers, the week is over (though not really, because I spend Friday night and Saturday rehearsing). My feelings in no particular order: my group is great, very friendly, hardworking and most of them introverts, which is relaxing. I wanted a real training, and clearly it would be hard to find one better. Also, thinking of some french students I know who think they work so hard, I can only smile... No comment! You'd better be well organized to become an actor in the U.S. If you put 30 actors in a room, the volume is equal to that of an airplane taking off. New York is beautifully random, and the rare times we go outside, there is always something unexpected happening ...

I'm exhausted, behind, overwhelmed, and it is only the first week. But nothing can match the joy of being on a roof in New York after an exhausting week, amidst the lit buildings, rehearsing a scene from Venus in Fur in the dark with a guy I can actually believe in front of me. Or start working on a nonsensical scene from Pinter only to discover learning it that the writing itself gives all the information you need about the characters. So there's only one thing to do before tackling the second week:

On those words, I'll go learn a sonnet, read a play, start my lists for Alan, learn IPA, and research on contemporaries of Calderon de la Barca. I do not guarantee such a detailed account in the coming weeks ... but I try to do the highlights!

All the cool kids have regret - CrazyTown post.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 11:20:00 +0000

Who hasn't heard the expression "no regrets"? But the truth is, we'd better buckle up for some if we want to actually have lived...

I don't know about you, but I tend to regret more the things I did than the things I didn't do. Because of this, I spent many years doing nothing, living in fear of having to one day regret my choices. Let's face it, the overwhelming message of any well-meaning friend or self-help book is "Live to the fullest, you don't want to have regrets". Ah, yes. But here's the catch: if you truly live to the fullest, you are going to have regrets. For sure. It's non-negotiable. From the moment you make a choice, you are giving up the alternative and taking the responsibility of whatever future feelings will come with that choice.

Continue Reading at CrazyTown blog

And what do you do? - CrazyTown guest post

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 09:08:00 +0000

It is not always easy to find your place when you refuse to be put in a box. It is, however, highly entertaining to watch other people trying, and failing, to categorize you.

Ever since I was a child, I always had an overwhelming urge to thoroughly and immediately explore anything that took my fancy. One thing ALWAYS led to another and I lived happily in a Matryoshka-like world, where every interest would eventually bring me to another, completely new.

As I grew older, needless to say, I didn’t change much. What did change were the expectations of the outside world. I discovered with dismay, as I boarded the coasts of adulthood, that you were not supposed to “do” too many things.

Continue Reading at CrazyTown blog

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible - CT Post

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:12:00 +0000

I’m a sucker for the life of dead female authors. I don’t know where the fascination lies. It probably dates back to my ten year old self imagining my tragic destiny as a lonesome and misunderstood writer (yes, I was a depressing child) but the fact remains: give me anything Austen, Brontë, Woolf or less known, and I float off into a world of romanticism and imagination. And then I come back with relief to my present happy self. If you’re so inclined, here are some gems you might enjoy.

The Complete Poems of Emily Brontë (here’s my favorite)

The Victorian Women Writers project : if you’ve got a little time, you’ll find some unknown treasures in there.

Continue Reading at CrazyTown

Don't give up stories, they can save your life.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 12:43:00 +0000

Lire cet article en français.

On how fairy tales continue to guide me, even into adulthood.

Even today, in my venerable old age of 30, one of my favorite movies is "Spirited Away", from Myazaki. I could argue about the intrinsic quality of the work, but the real reason it is dear to me is has nothing to do with its obvious artistic qualities.

The first time I saw it (I was about 19), from the first frame, the atmosphere of this movie transported me right into my childhood dreams. And every time I watch it again, it never fails to reconnect me instantly to a primal part of myself, both serene and enthusiastic, generally stifled by "the realities of life".

When I was a kid, my favorite dreams might have been regarded by others as nightmares. But this notion was foreign to me (at the time, I had the ability to change dreams at will, and thus never found myself "trapped"), and I reveled in the strange and dangerous worlds and fabulous adventures that filled my nights.

In recent months, as my move to the US got closer, I saw my anxiety increase at the pace of a Republican war-horse at full gallop. Suddenly, the prospect of living in a country where thousands of people die each year because of lack of health insurance, where abortion and the pill are still put in question, where there is no legislation on chemicals used in food and furniture, and where they advertise weapons on TV was just terrifying.

A few days ago I bit the bullet and started by unsubscribing from the hundreds of newsletters I'm suscribed to, all along the lines of "Live Organic", "Awareness Brigade", "Vote Obama(care)" and other excellent initiatives that merely depress me by the injustice and aberrations they denounce. To inform oneself is fine, if one has the means to do something about it. As I am neither a U.S. citizen nor in a phase of my life where I could dedicate much time to activism, I will limit the information to avoid being consumed by a permanent and petrifying rage at the state of things.

Directly after this spring cleaning, I pulled out my secret weapon, namely the movie mentioned above. And as the usual euphoria enveloped me, as Chihiro discovered again the scary universe of Yubaba's Baths, the solution to my terror came to me. I would treat my life as if I was in a story. After all, leaving France for the US is not so different. I'm entering a world that is both magical and dangerous, just like in my dreams. And just like Chihiro, the only way to make the most of it is to take things as they are, work hard and never lose sight of my own identity (those who have seen the film will understand).

It sounds trite, put like that. You may say "we well know that". But there is a world between knowing and feeling. And I'm beginning to think that maybe, if we use them wisely and not as an escape, some things related to our childhood can help us be better adults in a world where hope is fast becoming a luxury.

If you have not seen Spirited Away, I recommend it highly. It will undoubtedly not have the same effect on you (you must be weird to be reassured by this film), but it is the masterpiece of the Ghibli studios.

Try a little tenderness - Crazy Town Post

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 11:28:00 +0000

What is this sorcery? Sometimes a good artist can also be a mean person.

When I was 19 years old, I learned the hard way that being a good artist did not automatically imply being a good person. As a first year music student, I became an assistant for one of my teachers, wonderful singer/performer and very dysfunctional human being. I escaped the very dysfunctional relationship that ensued after nine months, jolted awake by a family emergency.

Nearly ten years later, after very little contact, this person wrote me the meanest, low hitting things anyone has ever hurt me with, mean to the point where I refrained from reading that letter more than once, so afraid was I that I would never be able to forget it otherwise.

Continue reading at CrazyTown Blog

The purpose of this blog

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 10:29:00 +0000

Lire cet article en français.

*Edit* : While waiting for this blog to start in August, you can find me blogging at CrazyTown for the summer.

One year ago, I didn't imagine that, by August 2012, I would be living in New York, going to school on Broadway, fulfilling a 15 years old dream that I had never dared caress before. And all this at an age when, according to the common census, you're supposed to "settle down". No matter how big of a change this means, or how terrifying it can seem at times, I can honestly say that I have never been as excited about the future as I am now, nor as happy. Maybe I did it all backward, but I'd much rather have the hope I have now, rather than when I was 20 years old. I know it won't easily be crushed, because I come from a worst place. I take everything that happens from now on as an extra gift from life.

In August, I will start blogging here to document this change of venue, as well as life at Circle in the Square Theater School. When I was looking at schools on the internet, I had the worst time finding students thoughts on the different programs. Hopefully, my experience will help others making their own choice. So, if you're so enclined, check back in the summer for the beginning of this adventure!