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 My husband William and got I married about seven years ago. When we got engaged neither of us wanted to have kids. (This will be comical later on. Just wait for it.) We learned in pre-marital counseling having kids is biblical. Hmmm… So we decided to adopt. Getting pregnant kinda freaked me out (still does for the record) and there were “too many” kids out there already.  Seriously – that was our thinking.

Our son was born in 2008 (surprise!) and shortly after we began the process of international adoption. We were told “the process” would take about twelve months. About six months in we found out we were pregnant again. (Surprise!) And yes, we know how that happens.

<Enter nine month adoption break.>

When our daughter was four weeks old we started the adoption process again. If you aren’t familiar with international adoption, every single one of the bazillion forms you submit has an expiration date. Take a break? Re-do bazillion forms.

We updated all bazillion forms and the day before we planned to mail them, William was diagnosed with stage three melanoma.

<Enter surgeries and cancer treatment and another nine month adoption break.>

In March 2011 William was given a clean bill of health. We let out a long sigh of relief… Ahhhh.

Remember what I said earlier about the bazillion forms? Yeah, they expired again.

We updated everything again and mailed it off. Two and a half years into our adoption journey our bazillion forms finally landed in Ethiopia!

A few months later, Ethiopia deemed us unfit to parent. You can read about that here.

<Enter heartbreak.>

I wandered around the house in my pajamas all weekend. Thankfully, William remained steadfast and we pressed on. This time pursuing adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC).

Less than a month later we were matched with an adorable five-ish year old little boy. We planned to name him Malachi but never got that chance. He went home to live with his uncle and there is now one less orphan in the world. For that, we are thankful.

We went back on the list to wait for another little boy. (Circa February 2012.)

While we waited, God brought two little boys from five blocks away to live us. One of them is named Malachi. God is funny like that isn’t He? Malachi and his brother came to us through an amazing program designed to keep kids out of the foster care system – Safe Families for Children. (Please check it out. It is wonderful!)

We learned early on in our placement with the boys that they might not be leaving anytime soon. In fact, it became apparent they would likely be going into foster care. Since we were not certified foster parents, that would have meant them being pulled from our house and moved into a state certified foster home.

Becoming foster parents was not on our radar. It’s not something we ever considered. But God knew that. He re-wrote our adoption story to include the American orphan. I thought orphans in the US were far better off than orphans in places like Africa and India. I WAS WRONG. God knew we needed to see it for ourselves; in our own living room. So we became foster parents.

And that’s when God went to work on our hearts.

He showed us how the effects of neglect, abuse and trauma in the United States are NO different than the effects of neglect, abuse and trauma in Africa or Haiti. He opened our eyes to the 500,000 orphans in our own country who will go to bed tonight as wards of the state. He taught us that while yes, children in third world countries are more likely to be on the streets in the only shirt they own begging for food and living in a carboard box beacuase their parents are dead or dying, the effect parentlessness has on them is no greater than the effect of parentlessness on orphans right “here”.

Their needs are the same. The same as children in Africa. Children in Russia, India and Haiti. The need for lovers of Jesus to fight for the American orphan is the same.

Lindsy and her husband William live in Kentucky with their four preschoolers and are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a toddler from Africa. She blogs about orphan care and Jesus at word from the wallaces.

John had finally graduated from seminary the previous weekend and it had us feeling on the brink of something new. Plans have been set aside while we worked to just finish this one task set before us… but now it’s complete. We started talking about things we’d like to do in five years, ten years, and then the maybe/hopefully/wouldn’t-it-be-crazy-if-we-did-that hopes for when the kids are grown.

Some of our goals seem realistic and doable. Others seem big and scary and give me that rush of adrenaline that comes with excited nerves.  It came up quickly… my book. The one that’s been rolling around in my head and my heart ever since that day I dared to dream it up last year. Talking it through one thing became clear — now is the time.

So much of my time is going to be spent working hard on a book proposal, doing research, fine tuning queries, polishing up chapters, and nervously submitting them to agents and publishers. It won’t happen overnight and I may get a hundred rejections, but I’ll be doing something I love to do. I’ll be writing and sharing the vulnerable parts of my heart.

That brings me to this space — this blog. It’s been a little neglected over the last couple months. I’ve felt pressure to post regularly and nothing kills my creativity and inspiration quite like feeling as though I just have to come up with something to post… then doing so and realizing it’s just fluff to fill the space. Quantity.

I’ve been craving more quality — more of  what I love about writing in the first place… the stories of heartbreak, victory, faith, redemption, grace, and love. As someone who loves to just write and share beautiful things it gets a bit exhausting to try to maintain a blog in this internet world. One popular blog will tell you to write a post a day at least to keep your readership growing. I remember the days when I just wrote when I felt inspired and truly loved blogging. I want to get back to those days.

So there may be a little less quantity here, but hopefully you’ll begin to find more quality in what you’re reading. In light of all of this I felt the need to change this space up a bit and clear out some of the clutter. You can still find everything here that was before, it’s just moved around some to create some breathing room.

I want the focus of this blog to be the content — not the ads or links to other social networking sites. I still have links to some of my best friends — in real life and the internet. I still have links to some affiliates and to my facebook page and so on… you’ll find it all in the footer (the verrrrry bottom of the site… just keep scrolling down.) The menu items are up at the tippy top and my social network links are up there too.

I hope you still find this the encouraging and uplifting place I want it to be. I hope that if you can’t find something you’ll let me know. Most of all I hope you keep reading, because I’m going to keep writing.

The Come Rain Or Come Shine book giveaway from Rachel Garlinghouse was so incredibly popular that Rachel has so graciously offered to host yet another giveaway! This time there is some super cute apparel to be won along with a copy of her book and for anyone with a heart for adoption this is just too good to miss!

If you could send the world a message about yourself, your child, or your family, what would it be?

* All are precious in His sight.

* I look good in brown.

* Every good and perfect gift is from above.

* I love my hair!

* I’m gonna change the world.

These are a few of the t-shirt slogans offered by the new Etsy shop, Heart on Your Tee. Heart on Your Tee sells apparel celebrating adoption, special needs, and people of color. Shirts are made of super-soft cotton, are true-to-size, and are modestly priced. They can be ordered for infants, toddlers, youths, and adults (from XS-4XL). The best part is that buyers can customize their shirts to suit their style by choosing the slogan, shirt color, and ink color, creating a shirt that is truly theirs!

Heart on Your Tee was co-created by Jackie Bruns and Rachel Garlinghouse, both of whom are Christian women and adoptive parents. Jackie and her husband have six children, ranging from age twenty-four to two, some of whom have special needs and some of whom are transracially adopted. Jackie is a former nurse who now stays at home. Rachel has three children, ages four and under, all transracially and domestically adopted. Rachel is a part-time English teacher at a university, freelance writer (Adoptive Families, Diabetes Health, mybrownbaby.com), and book author (Come Rain or Come Shine: A White Parent’s Guide to Adopting and Parenting Black Children). Both Rachel and Jackie look forward to adding children to their families in the future.

One lucky Traded Dreams reader will be awarded one shirt of his or her choice. You picks the slogan, shirt color, and ink color! Additionally, the winner will receive a copy of Rachel’s book, Come Rain or Come Shine: A White Parent’s Guide to Adopting and Parenting Black Children.

Enter using the rafflecopter gadget below! This giveaway will run through Friday and the winner will be contacted on Saturday!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I’m not naturally brave. I have a lot of fears and the biggest of those is the fear of failure. That particular fear keeps me from trying a lot of things, but the more days that slip by the less I seem to care about falling flat on my face. I don’t want to look back on life and wish I’d tried.

Sometimes I wish I had known at 18 what I know now. As a fresh graduate of High School getting ready to embark on my college career I had no idea what I wanted out of life. But then I realize that it wouldn’t have made sense for me to know then what I know now. Because the things I’ve learned over the last eleven years have come through life experience.

I never could have known my passion for heartbroken women and helpless surrender. I had to experience devastating loss to know that.

I never could have known my love for other cultures and for the people that the world often calls “the least” … the poorest, the sickest, the most hopeless. I had to fly to Ethiopia to know that.

I never could have known that my heart would explode over adoption and orphan care because I’d never looked an orphan in the face and or held one in my arms before. I had to experience the adoption process and visit crowded orphanages in another place to know that.

And I had no idea that I would have burning desire to tell my story and others stories through writing. All of life has led me up to this point of realizing what it is that I really want to offer the world. Stories.

As much as I wish I knew that back at the start of college and could have gotten my degree in English or Journalism, I realize that there’s no way I could have known that until I lived a little more. What would I have written about anyway? You have to experience life to write about it.

I’m not sure yet where this is all going to lead. I am not naive to the fact that I have two very small children at home and a husband in full time ministry. Time isn’t exactly in abundance. But I have decided that it’s time to act. It’s time to take these dreams that I sometimes think are just too big and realize that there’s no such thing a too big a dream. God-sized dreams are just the right size.

I’m ready to start telling stories. I’m ready to offer hope, encouragement, awareness, and inspiration to the world through words.

My sweet girl is a whole year old!! Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday that we were in another country peeking around a corner and down into a bassinet to see the most beautiful baby girl in the world. She was so tiny with eyes full of curiosity and wonder. She’s still small and still curious and still completely delightful. But we’ve watched her blossom over the last eight months. She’s grown such a fun little personality developed strong opinions about all sorts of things. Everyday we laugh at the fun things she does. Arsema adds so much joy to our home and makes our family so beautifully complete. There aren’t words to describe how much we love her and how thankful we are for her life.

Mother’s Day is bitter sweet for me. I have two precious babies in my arms today and for them I am extraordinarily grateful. It’s a quiet, thoughtful gratitude… for I cannot forget the years I sat with empty arms and a broken heart. I cannot forget the two women who carried my children and labored to bring them into the world. I cannot forget their empty arms today. I cannot forget the four children who left me far too soon and who I now carry in my heart. So today is filled with joy for the gifts I have been given (and do not deserve) as well as a dull ache that I suppose I’ll carry until heaven when everything is made right again.

I can’t erase the pain of the past and the scars it left on my heart. I can’t go back and make it not hurt that I have two children in heaven and two little boys I loved as my own for a few short months who have left. I can’t make my heart not miss them… all of them… and wish for just one more moment with them. Those four children molded and shaped me into who I am today. Those children made me the mother I am today. If not for them, and the lessons learned through loving and losing them, I wouldn’t mother the way I do. They cannot be forgotten.

And I can’t forget that I didn’t carry the two babies I am blessed to call my own. I can’t forget that there are two women on the other side of the world who labored to bring my babies into the world. I can’t forget wrapping my arms around Mareto’s mommy and feeling like my heart could burst with gratitude and with sadness for what she had to let go of… to put in my arms. I can’t forget the way she looked cradling him in her arms one last time and kissing his cheeks and laughing at his yawns. Those images are burned in my heart forever just as I am sure Mareto is burned in hers. My full arms mean that hers are empty. I can’t forget that. I can’t forget that there’s a woman on another continent with Arsema’s big eyes and soft black curls. I can’t forget that she is missing out on her very first Mother’s Day and all the rest to follow. I wish I could tell her how wonderful a gift her little girl is… I wish she could see how much she’s grown.

Because of all the hurts that had to be endured to bring me to the place I’m in today… the spit up stained, crumb vacuuming, diaper changing, late night rocking, mama of two place I’m in today… the sweet is just that much sweeter. The joy and the peace is that much more abundant.

How much more is that much? The expanse of my heart – every inch – all the broken and stitched up places and all the places that are filled to overflowing.

We don’t worry over the little things here… because I know what it means to lose a life and all the little things that came with that. We celebrate every moment – big and small – because we know what it means to lose all the moments. Those diapers, that spit up, all the crumbs on the floor and crayon on the walls, all the nights we spend not sleeping… those are all gifts and things I’m so grateful for because it means one precious, enormous, treasured thing. It means there are little people in my home who call me “Mama.”

The other day I was sharing with John all the things I hope for the future and all my big (sometimes too big) ideas and dreams. My days are so full with my little people I expressed that it might be awhile before I can begin to do some of the things I think about. Then I wondered aloud why I didn’t do any of them in the 5 1/2 years before Mareto finally came home. As I thought back to those years I realized that I wasn’t really living life to the full, that I was just going through the motions and all of a sudden it hit me. I looked at John with tears in my eyes and said, “I woke up. I was living half asleep for all those years… but when Mareto came home it’s like that was the moment I woke up. Why do you think that is?” He had just one response…

“Because you were created to be a mother.”

When we asked Mareto’s mommy what his name meant she simply smiled and said, “peace.” The day we met our little Arsema we returned to the hotel and I turned to John to ask what he thought her middle name should be and he smiled and said, “Joy.”

God has given us peace and joy in our children. Precious gifts that were waited for quite impatiently. Yes there were, and are, some hurts… but the sweetness is sweeter because of them.

He has worked so hard… we all have. It hasn’t been easy and there have been a lot of tears (mostly mine), late nights (for all of us), all nighters (mostly his), and lot of prayer. We’re still a little in awe that this part of the journey is complete. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time to see what God might have in store for us next. I’m not expecting easy, but I am expecting marvelous.

(Just before the divinity commissioning ceremony. John and I on the left, and John with Rod, our associate pastor, on the right. )

(It’s blurry – but that’s John at the front of the chapel receiving his hood for the divinity degree.)

(John with his very proud parents on the left, and our little family on the right.)

(John with my parents on the left after his education commissioning and hooding ceremony – us on the left laughing because some man just walked right in front of the camera suuuuper slow and totally oblivious. haha)

(The full commencement ceremony was outdoors on Saturday morning. It was in the 50′s and raining and was all together very uncomfortable. I sat near a very nice family who had an extra blanket I wrapped myself in, but John and I were both soaking wet and freezing nearly 4 hours later when we got home. I did get prime seating and was able to be right on the isle when the graduates started the processional. John snuck in a quick kiss as he walked by. )

And now we will hopefully be able to breathe a little easier and enjoy our summer with the kids before the next big thing… whatever that may be.

And ya’ll I am so excited to share with you that I have been given the chance to host a Noonday Collection giveaway thanks to my beautiful & generous friend & Noonday ambassador, Wynne Elder!  I am leaving for Africa in 30-some days & am still in need of $834 [random amount, no?] in order to get there I need your help!!!

Here’s the deal, there is just over $300 worth of goodies here that are all fair trade & handmade items from artisans all over the world!  Amazing, right?  To enter you will simply need to make a $5 donation towards the mission trip [via pay pal].  Every $5 counts as 1 entry.  After you’ve entered that way, tweet/pin/facebook/instagram this giveaway and you’ll get an extra entry!  Just leave a comment with the link to where you mentioned it!  The giveaway lasts until May 12th at 8PM PST  – and one winner takes ALL! So friends, enter away and don’t forget to leave your links on MY BLOG PAGE HERE!!

 

So go head on over to Ashley’s blog and enter the giveaway as many times as you want!!! I’m so excited for her and can’t wait to see how God provides all the funds needed for her trip!

via

Life has been going 1000 miles an hour around here and we finally caught a break. A big break. John finished his last semester of seminary on Saturday. He turned in his last paper at 4:30am and Sunday we all took naps. Then mama and daddy put their date clothes on and went out to dinner to celebrate! Just a summer project left and then school’s out foreeeever!!

Mareto saw me eating Ezekiel bread cinnamon raisin toast with all natural peanut butter the other day and grabbed a bite. I held my breath and watched in awe as he gobbled it down. His feeding issues are so severe that this truly was a miracle. I cried big fat happy tears. That was the only piece of the whole loaf I got. Mareto ate every slice over the next few days.

Arsema figured out how to jump on Mareto’s trampoline now that she can reach the handle bar. It’s pretty much the cutest thing ever.

John has three graduation ceremonies this week. One for his degree in theology, one for his degree in Christian education, and one big graduation ceremony with the whole school. Yes, my crazy husband decided to get two master’s degrees instead of one. I’m ridiculously proud of him.

I need to post some stitch fix for you asap! I’ve had three boxes come that I haven’t blogged yet. The 8th box was the charm — I kept every item!

Our clean eating, whole foods, mostly plant based thing is going so well! We’re over 6 weeks in now and still feel wonderful. I haven’t had meat in over a month. I don’t miss it at all. I’m also off dairy and heavily leaning toward going vegan. One step at a time, but it’s something worth working toward.

I need to start exercising more. (I say more, but anything is more when you don’t exercise at all… unless chasing babies counts.) I’m trying to figure out a way to do it that doesn’t involve a lot of money or time away from my kids, and is fun for me. Let’s face it, if I don’t enjoy it I won’t keep it up.

John and I had some long talks last night about my book and the goals I have for that. Once his summer project is finished we’re finally going to be in a place to commit to my writing. I’m getting so excited to have a timeline in place and a goal for pursuing publishers and even looking at future writing projects. Pray for me?

What’s going on in your life? Big plans? Little plans? New goals? Accomplished goals?

Rachel has taken her experiences and put them to paper to create and incredibly helpful resource for others in her new book Come Rain Or Come Shine: A White Parent’s Guide to Adopting and Parenting Black Children. This book is perfect for prospective or current adoptive families, adoptees,  birth parents or expectant parents considering adoption, adoption professionals such as social workers, birth parent counselors, and adoption attorneys, teachers, counselors, therapists, pediatricians, and extended birth and adoptive family members as well as friends.

 Beyond each chapter’s content you’ll find even more valuable resources. There are extensive resource lists (for further exploration and education) for parents and children on a wide range of adoption-related topics and questions for discussion (to enhance the reader’s understanding on adoption). The book includes rue stories from the media and practical application exercises.

My favorite sections are the “questions from the trenches” (the burning questions adoptive parents have) and answers.

And you’ll finf advice and insight from experienced adoption professionals, adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees including Jana Wolff:  Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, Sherrie Eldridge:    Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Patricia Irwin Johnston:  Adoption is a Family Affair!:  What Relatives and Friends Must Know, Arleta James:   Brothers and Sisters in Adoption:  Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join the Family, Deborah Gray:   Attaching in Adoption:  Practical Tools for Today’s Parents, Elisabeth O’Toole:  In On It:  What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To You Know About Adoption, Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia:  The Open Adoption Experience, Adam Perman:  Adoption Nation:  How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families—and America, Nancy Newton Verrier:  The Primal Wound:  Understanding the Adopted Child, and many more.

This is such a thorough guide to understanding some of the “messier” parts of adoption and I consider it a great resource for anyone still at the starting line — not quite starting the journey to adoption. For those of us who are “veterans” in this adoption thing it still has helpful tidbits for us too! Hair and skin care anyone? I know I can always use more help in that area.

Rachel isn’t afraid to tackle the tough issues surrounding race and racism in our culture. Reading through those sections I felt a sense of validation. I was encouraged that I wasn’t alone in feeling like things are still a bit off in our world and we still have a long way to go. I also finished reading feeling more equipped to face these issues head on in a way that respect and protect my children.

Today Rachel is graciously giving away a copy of her book and a tote with the book’s title on it! Use the rafflecopter to enter the giveaway – it will be open until Monday the 29th!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Rachel Garlinghouse is a mother through domestic, transracial, open adoption. Rachel teaches composition at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville and is also a freelance writer, having written articles for publications such as Adoptive Families, MyBrownBaby.com, and Diabetes Health. She’s the facilitator of Adoptive Mamas of the Metro, a support group, and speaks at adoption training sessions. When she’s not teaching or writing, Rachel can be found dancing, baking, reading, and playing with her children. You can learn more about her family—who has been featured in Essence magazine and on The Daily Drum national radio show— by visiting their blog at www.whitesugarbrownsugar.com