The Grass is Greener

About Love

2012-02-17T13:23:00.000-08:00

When I first started therapy, I would gear up for an hour of a battle that I knew I would lose. I would come in with my guard up, start with my bull reasoning and leave crying the ugly cry. I had some serious issues and one of them being that I didn't love myself. I hated myself, to the point that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without being critical.

A. once had me write out 10 things that I liked about myself, that I truly felt positive about. I came up with one. She pushed for more, until I told her about this FB post** that a friend had once sent to me that I carried around with me. I carried it with me because I wanted to believe what M. believed I was. I would read it over and over and think I want to be that.

So A. wrote down all of those kind things that M. had said about me and we worked on helping me learn how to love myself.

The further I got into therapy, the more and more CB and I would discuss the path I was going on. Before, I would constantly question why he loved me, I just couldn't comprehend it. He was dashing, smart, charming, and was moving fast in his career. He had a ton going for him and I couldn't understand why he loved me. I would think, he would be so much happier if he wasn't with me, I'm stopping him from reaching his full potential. It would infuriate him every time he said "I love you" and I would respond "why?"

I brought it up to A. once, and with out hesitation she said to me "You have no right to tell someone whether or not they can love you. You can make that choice for yourself, but you can't make it for others." All of a sudden, a light bulb went off and it began to make sense.

So I stopped questioning him and trying to understand why, I just let it be. It was liberating. When I had really dark days, it was comforting to know that through it all, I had CB's love and I would be ok.

*M., you mentioned in the post that you had no idea why you were writing what you wrote, but I feel that there is a reason for everything. At that moment, when I first read your words, I sobbed. It was a pushing point for me to make a change. Thank you

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi

2012-02-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

Since it is the Day of Love, I figured it would only be appropriate to post a love song. I adore the song Terrified, but I especially adore that Zachary Levi is singing it along with Katharine. I had no idea he could sing so beautifully. He is so dreamy. What's your current favorite love song?

A short story about love

2012-02-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

I saw this sweet short film on A Blog About Love and I had to share it. I adore how love stories can develop in unusual ways. My love story started over emails after CB came home from serving a two year LDS mission. We were good friends before hand (I meet him when I was 14!) and at one point when I was 17, I wrote in my journal how much I admired him and would love to be with a guy like him. Little did I know that he felt the same way about me.

So many times I go back to those emails and I can't help but smile. When we saw each other for the first time after not having been around each other for over two years, we were both a little speechless. And then he cracked a smile and all was well.

Love is a beautiful thing. My heart's desire is for everyone to experience it.

Hey you!

2012-02-10T00:32:00.000-08:00

::photo::

At around midnight, my therapist sent me this photo and I couldn't help but smile. I love her and the random things that she sends along to help me through out my challenges. She even once convinced me that Jesus would think I am a pretty rad chick and would want to hang out with me, even if I wear skinny jeans faithfully.

The above picture goes hand in hand with my last therapy session. I'm in a better place because of the time, money and effort I have put in to rise above my demons. The first phone call, the first session, the first of everything was painful, I wasn't sure I was ready for it. Half way through and I literally sobbed because never in my wildest dreams did I think that complete strangers would have so much love and empathy towards me.

Maybe one day I will share the whole story on this little blog of mine. For now, I'm just going to write it down for my safe keeping, so I can remember how far I have come along. It has been a hell of a ride.

***If you ever have the desire to see a therapist, do it! Don't settle for a mediocre life. You deserve to be the happiest you can be. If you are looking for a therapist in the Seattle area and have no idea how to make it out, email me and I will refer you to mine. You will never regret it. (She didn't ask me to say this, I just adore her).

Oregon Coast

2012-02-09T21:56:00.000-08:00

I looove the above picture of us. Soaking wet, sporting our winter goods, and taking pictures ghetto style at one of the most beautiful locations I have ever been to. I'm in love with it all.

I love that CB made sure that we made this trip happen. I was ready to cancel it due to snow but he would not have it. He got new tires on the car, rearranged things with our booked hotels and as soon as the roads were clear we made our way to the coast.

We stayed a night in Astoria, OR at Hotel Elliott, which is seriously one of the coolest hotels i have yet to stay at. It was built in 1924 and while it has been renovated, it still has the old time charm. Astoria is a super cute town and I would love to spend more time there this upcoming summer.

The next day we drove up and down the Oregon coast and I made good use of my rain boots at the beach. Cannon Beach is a must if you ever go. I loved exploring the tide pools around the haystack rock and listing to the Pacific ocean roar.

CB thanks for making this trip happen, It was amazing.

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Holy F*

2012-02-07T08:53:00.000-08:00

I'm currently training for a half marathon and there are days that I feel like I have come to a complete hault and I can't do it any more. Last night was one of those days, I had no desire to go running, but I did anyways. As I was slowly running along, a song by Holy F* came on my iPod and I suddenly got an intense burst of energy that kept me going. It was awesome.

I've seen them live twice and they know how to rock it. I love several songs by them, but the one song of their's that hooked me is Lovely Allen.

Oh Hi!

2012-01-29T01:49:00.000-08:00

Heeelllooooo blog world! It's been awhile.

You all know that I quit my job and then the day after I got snowed in. There were peeps skiing down my street. I'm not making this stuff up. I was in complete awe at the insanity. I love snow days but not this time around. I had made plans to have a week break of vacation on the Oregon coast before I started my new job and that had to be adjusted. We did make it to the coast and I was stoked. That place is stunning and I hope to go back when it's warm and sunny, I froze my buns off.

I started my new job on Wednesday and on the first day I was like oh crap what kind of shiz did I get myself into. I had no idea what the heck was going on and I kept breaking stuff. I felt like I sat in on almost every meeting held at the company (it's small, like 30 peeps). At one meeting someone asked me my opinion and I was like umm I've only been here for 5 hours, but here is what I think. It was awesome and they appreciated it. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions, but mainly excitement.

My days have become pretty long and packed. Seminary, work, gym, Seminary prep, sleep. I'm such a rockstar at it but I'm going to have to adjust my schedule a bit so I won't get burned out. Seminary and finding time to train for a half marathon is hard work.

It's 2 AM and I'm pretty sure this post does not make any sense.

Until next time.

Rockin Out Tuesday-St. Vincent

2012-01-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

I love pretty much every song that I have heard from St. Vincent. CB introduced them to me and I was hooked. Surgeon is such a good song and it's on my running play list. Their song Cruel is another favorite and it made it on Pitchfork's 2011 top tracks. The music video to Cruel is insane.

2012 highlights so far

2012-01-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

::Photo::

I have a whole blog post dedicated to 2011 that I am still working on. It has a cool video that I am making to go along with it. This weekend I will hopefully post it. Promise.

The post also gives an overview on how back in August I began to feel like I was suffocating and it was time to make a change. I hired a therapist. Best decision of my life.

Oh and how I ever made a change. I stopped letting fear control every aspect of my life.

I quit my job a couple of days ago and I was scared out of my mind. I also accepted a job at a much smaller company where I can grow in my career. I am so excited and scared beyond belief.

Yesterday, my therapist let me know that I was progressing and that I would no longer need to see her once a week but once a month instead.

2012 is going to be pretty much the best year of my life. So much growth and change and I am so anxious to see how it will all pan out.

Own it

2011-12-30T16:51:00.000-08:00

My therapist is always telling me to own my story, to stop apologizing for decisions that I have made or that I plan to make. At first it was a hard pill to swallow but I have come to embrace it.

In these past several months I have made huge changes in my life and I have stopped feeling guilty all the time. It has been so liberating.

I love owning my story. Love it.

::photo::

Splitscreen: A Love Story

2011-12-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

A love story shot entirely with a phone. Simple and perfect

Splitscreen: A Love Story from James W Griffiths on Vimeo.

Empire State of Mind

2011-12-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

I saw this amazing video the other day and it made me think about my NYC trip. I loved every minute of being there, and the video just reminded me about how special of a place NYC is. I'm making plans to one day live there.

One of my favorite moments was visiting the Empire State Building. The art deco building is breath taking and the views are over whelming. I do feel that the views from the Rock are better but if you have an option to do both, you should.

Enjoy this little video, maybe it will inspire you to visit NYC.

A Year in New York from Andrew Clancy on Vimeo.

Delancey

2011-12-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

Oh heaven help me if there is a pizza in front of me. I have no control over myself and could eat more than my share, which results in me feeling guilty and strangely weird from all the cheese.

But not any more.

The first time I had a pizza from Delnacey, I didn't feel an ounce of guilt. In fact, I felt nourished and healthy. I kept thinking how is it that I feel so good after eating a pizza?! I've now become a pizza snob.

The ingredients are local, organic and fresh. Perfection. I'm also madly in love with the ambiance of the restaurant. I always feel so comfortable when I am there.

Love that Molly's husband had a dream and made it happen. You can tell that they have poured their hearts and souls into the restaurant. I am all about making dreams come true these days. So refreshing.

The only downfall is that because it is so dang good there is always a wait. We waited for an hour and 15 minutes. It was worth every minute.

Blow your mind

2011-11-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

I'm sure some of you have already seen this video, but just in case you haven't, I'm here to share it with you. I love the dude in the video, the homey feeling I get from watching it and the genius way to peel garlic. I can not wait to try this.

How to Peel a Head of Garlic in Less Than 10 Seconds from SAVEUR.com on Vimeo.

Rockin Out Tuesday- M83

2011-11-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

If you know anything about me, you know I'm a concert junkie. There is something about the rush of a concert that I can't get anywhere else that keeps me hooked. Whenever I see that a band will only be playing for an hour, I have high expectations that it better be near-perfect. This past weekend's sold-out, one hour M83 concert nailed my expectations. It was beyond perfect. The energy was insane, the set list was brilliant and they rocked out hard. You could tell that they loved what they were doing and were excited to be there to perform. They fed off of the crowd's energy and kept it going. It was completely dazzling.

M83 is a French indie pop band, created and led by Anthony Gonzalez who is insanely adorable and beyond gracious. He was supported by a four member band who rocked out as hard as he did, each part of a balanced formula for dream pop perfection.

They started the show with a figure wearing a monster mask that I am pretty sure was supposed to resemble something from Where the Wild Things Are. The crowd went wild as stars lit the background and the band started playing "Intro." They continued to build up the show with songs from a variety of their past and current album. Every song was immaculate and dare I say sounded better than their album recordings. Gonzalez would stop every once in a while and engage with the crowd by telling them how thankful he was for them and even said "This is the best crowd I've ever performed for in Seattle!" They had played an earlier sold out show that night at the same venue and I caught the tail end of it. He was spot on about the later show being much more engaging and responsive.

They ended the concert with "Couleurs" that created a massive dance party both in the crowd and on the stage. At the end of the show and before the lights were turned back on, Gonzalez high-fived the front rowers and made a heart shape with his hand as he left the stage.

As I made my way back to my car, I kept thinking about how perfect it was and was washed over with nostalgia. I lucked out by buying my tickets for $15 in July since they were going for about $150 on craigslist that night. Maybe it had to do with their 9.1 rating of their new album Hurry Up, We Are Dreaming on Pitchfork?

Last year, when Gonzalez announced that he was working on a new album that was going to be "very, very, very, epic" his confidence paid off. It is completely epic. Go ahead and be blown away.

Go figure

2011-11-12T23:58:00.000-08:00

Do you know what happens when you start blogging less? You start to live more. Or at least I have. I no longer feel the panic of needing to do something so I can blog about it. I just started to do things to do things. My reader also has over 1000 unread items and I don't feel guilty about it.

So wanna know what happened to me? Glorious things have happened.

I've made new friends who I have scheduled dates with every week. My calendar is jammed packed with hanging out sessions with people that I love. New friends are the best, you know who you are!

I have more time to study for the GRE and it's actually insanely exciting that I'm going to open a new chapter in my life.

I all of a sudden have tons of time to work out. Getting up at the crack of dawn to work out makes me happy. Who would have ever thought? Definitely not this girl!

I've gone to concerts and I even have dance parties in my living room. It's the best.

I've joined two book clubs and have a new obsession with Gossip Girl. So good.

But the best part is that I am happier. I feel so much more alive. At different times, blogging made me unhappy, I just felt like I wasn't getting any where with it. I mentioned this to a friend and her response was genius, "If it doesn't make you happy, stop. Besides it's just a dang blog."

Stopping for awhile actually helped me realize that I really love to write, and I missed it. I just don't need to let my blog determine how awesome I am. So what if I only have about 100 readers and not 1000? I now like the idea of having a more intimate readership, it works for me. Thank you 100 readers for sticking around, you are rocking my blog world.

I am so damn awesome.

And super hot too....

Aimee would be so proud.

Rockin Out Tuesday- Justin Bieber

2011-11-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Go ahead and judge, but I would be a liar if I said that I didn't like the Bieber. Matter of fact, I dance around the house to his music quite often. The sad part about my little obsession is that my husband loathes him and will leave the premises as soon as Justin Bieber starts to yell out that he needs someone to love.

I also really like Selena Gomez and I am currently obsessed with Gossip Girl. No wonder I get along so well with teenagers.

Go ahead, you know you want to watch his music video, I'm not here to judge. It's ok to indulge in teen heartthrob music every once awhile. Besides he has killer dance moves. And his hair....OMG his hair!

PS: I heard a glimpse of one of his holiday songs, and loved it. I just refuse to listen to holiday music until after Thanksgiving.

National Museum of American History

2011-11-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

Our time in D.C. was really short so we had to pick one museum that we wanted to visit the most. After Kelly and Travis briefed us on all of the Smithsonian that we could go to, I voted for the National Museum of American History.

I loved every minute that I was in there. It just got better and better with each exhibit. We spent a good chunk of our time there. I also love the idea that all Smithsonians are free to enter, I'm pretty sure if I lived in D.C., I would spend a lot of time there.

Seriously, you will not be disappointed at all with the National Museum of American History. They have really cool things like Dorthy's ruby red slippers from the Wizard of Oz and the American flag that inspired the Star Spangle Banner. The whole entire time I was in complete awe. It was just really cool to see things from the beginning of American history.

I also really loved seeing the First Ladies dresses and Julia Child's kitchen. I'm obsessed with both and I was like a little girl in a doll shop. Ever since the beginning of my obsession with Julia Child in 2009, I have hoped to see her kitchen at the Smithsonian. When Kelly mentioned that it was there, that sealed the deal for me.

Really, if you are ever in D.C., you should visit. There is something for everyone.

Restaurant Week

2011-11-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

Every Spring and Fall, some of the most amazing restaurants in Seattle host an event called Restaurant Week. I have found some of my all time favorite restaurants by attending this event. The menu is prefixed (you can choose from 4-5 options) and is a three course meal for $28. It's seriously the best way to experience amazing food for an amazing deal. Appetizer, main course, and dessert!

After an extremely stressful week for both CB and I, we rewarded our selves by going to this event. I sent CB a list of my top 10 and he made the pick. Surprisingly, he picked the only Italian restaurant on the list, he is not a huge fan of Italian food.

I loved everything about Cantinetta; the atmosphere, the food, and the service were all divine. The pasta is made on site and their ingredients are local and organic. If you go, save room for dessert and try the Zeppole with Nutella and Ginger Sugar.

Restaurant Week is long gone and if you missed it you should check out Dine Around Seattle. You will get the same experience as Restaurant Week, but there are less restaurants on the list.

Happiness

2011-10-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

Although last week was really busy, I had a ton of good moments that I have looked back on that made me laugh and smile.

Highlights:

Having friends over for dinner and losing track of time because the conversation was that good.
Teaching the Old Testament to High School student is epic. There were alot of "oh snaps" and "things are about to get real" said this past week and it made me chuckle and shake my head. I had their undivided attention the whole time. I'm pretty sure it was all the drama.
Seeing old friends and their twins that I have not seen in over a year. Holy cow, kids grow up fast and in no time I won them over. I think it was the introduction to Angry Birds.
Meeting with my nutritionist and having things finally click with me. I love her, she is helping me change my life.
Getting a fab haircut. I will never have thoughts again about cheating on my hairstylist, even if I want a haircut in a pinch. Rob is the best.
Eating at Mr Gyro twice in one week. Bliss.
Seeing Robyn with my lovely friend Michelle, and dancing the night away next to a fabulously dressed gay guy. The dude had serious moves and I was envious of his sparkly vest.
Running! I haven't done it in awhile and it felt so good.
Going to my friend's annual harvest dinner. Amazing food and good people to hang out with. My favorite event of all of Fall. I look forward to it every year.
Hanging out all Saturday with a chica that I have been dying to become better friends with. She is just as awesome as I have always thought she would be. Her kids are adorable and I loved trying to teach her toddler how to fist pump.

What are some highlights of your past week?

Bakery Nouveau

2011-10-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who is nuts over the pastries at Bakery Nouveau in West Seattle and I had to know for myself how good the goods were. I am pretty much in love with Honore in Ballard, and had a hard time imagining anything better.

On a perfect sunny Seattle day, I made my way over to West Seattle to eat my way through Bakery Nouveau. Their almond croissant is amazing but Honore wins with the macaron competition. I just felt that Bakery Nouveau's macarons were far too large. Nonetheless, they still tasted good.

umm manicure anyone?

If you ever find yourself in West Seattle, make a stop at Bakery Nouveau and get their almond croissant and maybe try their pain au chocolat and let me know how it is. So worth the visit. Then make your way over to Alki Beach and get lunch at Spud Fish and Chips. Also, don't forget to soak up the view! I am a sucker for amazing views and West Seattle has one of the best of Downtown.

Capitol

2011-10-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

What an insanely busy week! I really miss blogging and hopefully I can catch up this coming week. I want to still share all the details of my lovely trip.

I have always thought that our US Capitol Building was beautiful and grande. It is massive and I was in love with the details of the building. Travis explained the different wings and some of the history to it. Did you know that the statue on top of the building is actually a lady? Her name is Freedom. I actually thought it was a dude.

We didn't have a chance to go in because we decided to make our way to the National Archives to view the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and the Constitution of the United States before the lines got too long. I was completely fascinated by seeing these documents and a couple of times I had to remind myself how old they were. I was impressed with their immaculate penmanship and how well they were perserved. Although, the Declaration of Independence was a little harder to read than the other two. The rotunda that houses them is beautiful and is surrounded by paintings that depict important events from the history of our country.

last evening of Summer

2011-10-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

On the last evening of Summer freedom for me, C.B. and I drove to my favorite beach to soak in a beautiful sunset and bid farewell to Summer.

It was a rather warm night and the beach was packed with families and fisherman. Beach volley ball games were taking place and the last BBQs of the season were being held.

The Puget Sound was full with stand up paddle surfers and sail boats. It was such a breathtaking view. I asked a fisherman what he was fishing for and he said salmon and he had caught a few already.

I am so lucky to live in such a beautiful place. If you ever have a chance to visit Seattle, Golden Garden is a must see.

Library of Congress

2011-10-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

This past week I got a call from my mom asking me when I would blog about our trip because she is dying to read about it.

So here we go...

We spent a couple of days in D.C. before we headed to NYC and stayed with my dear friends Kelly and Travis. Travis just finished an internship with a congressman and became our unofficial tour guide. Man, he was so full of knowledge, I felt so lucky. My only regret is that I didn't get the chance to take a picture with them.

They picked us up at Union Station and it was go time. Union Station is so stunning that I was in complete awe. It is seriously so beautiful and once again I forgot to take a picture of it. One day I will go back and and just sit and stare at its beauty.

Our first stop on our tour was The Library of Congress. The outside of the building is majestic with it's statues and beautiful details. The inside was even more stunning with the mosaics and murals on the walls.

I have always wanted to see the main reading room and seeing it in person far excedes any picture. In order to read in the reading room, you have to obtain a library card and have a research purpose. One day, I would love to do just that. I was envious of the stories that Travis shared with us about seeing the special collections and getting special tours of the building.

Have you ever been to the Library of Congress? What did you think?

Identity

2011-10-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

I was asked a couple of months back to speak about life in the Middle East and being an Arab. While I agreed to it, I had no idea what to say. You see, there were points in my life when I decided to not identify myself as an Arab and tried my best to distant myself from that part of my identity.

Being an Arab wasn't always easy and sometimes it was painful. After living 12 years in the Middle East my family moved to the South, to a tiny town in Louisiana. I was a peculiar person and people knew that. I spoke Queen's English and was far from the typical blonde haired girl. When people would ask me where I was from and I would tell them I had just moved from Jordan they would get this confused look on their face and say "Oh you are an A-Rab?" And not only was I an "A-rab" but I was also a Mormon. Oh heaven help me.

I remember coming home one day and asking my mom what a Sand N*&#* meant. With a horrified look on her face she wanted to know where I had heard that. When she explained it was a racial slur used for Arabs, I was hurt. I had done nothing to be called that. So began the journey of me slowly pushing my Arab identity away.

Then 9/11 happened and I became more bitter. When I first heard of the attacks, I hoped that an Arab was not involved. When I found out that was the case, I was angry. All of a sudden all Arabs were horrible people.

So I went off to college and changed my major 5 times. I finally settled on Middle Eastern Studies/ Arabic. It just felt right and I was finally once again embracing my Arab Identity. I had Arab friends and went to get togethers. I began to remember the things that I loved so much about Arabs.

While I was in NYC, I had the chance to go to Gotham Comedy Club and see the Arab-American Comedy Festival. It was the first time in a long time for me to be surrounded by a large amount of Arabs. I am pretty sure there were a total of 5 white people and my husband was one of them.

I could not stop laughing, it was the best 2 hours I have spent in a long time. We saw Aron Kader (who happens to have a Mormon mother and an Arab father and is adorable), Said Durrah, and Dean Obeidallah, just to name a few. They joked about having large families, our obsession with food, and how the clash of Arab/American culture can be hilarious. It made me home sick for the Middle East and I suddenly wanted to hang out with Arabs nonstop.

When I finally spoke about being an Arab, I was excited and I shared so many fond memories. I told them how Arabs love their families and have huge families, I have 11 aunts and uncles and a whole slew of cousins. If you ever visit, they will have a massive feast prepared for you and it will be the best food that you have ever eaten. They love to have parties just for the heck of it and are constantly dancing and singing. They will also give you the clothes off their backs, even if they are as poor as dirt.

I'm an Arab and I am in love with that fact. Now I just need to find an Arab community to hang out with here in Seattle. Any one have any suggestions? Maybe the dudes at Mr. Gyro can direct me to the right path.