The Grass is Greener

My President

2017-01-20T00:55:00.000-08:00

I remember the night clearly when President Obama was elected in 2008. I was 24 years old, less jaded and felt so much hope for the future. I had never been inspired by a political figure until I started following the Obama campaign and he sparked a sense of urgency within me--I wanted to do more, work harder, and give back. I recall waiting patiently for the results to return and holding my breath that we, citizen's of the United States of America would elect our first black president. And we did, and I have never been so proud of our country. I cried and I could feel the momentum of progress deep within my bones.

When I was 12 years old, my family left the Middle East and moved to the Deep South. Some of the most painful experiences of my life happened at a young age and my experiences are no where close to what others have experienced. I was clearly different from my classmates and it was pointed out to me several times. GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. And when someone spat in my face and called me a sand n*** I was confused and traumatized. I remember going home and asking my mom what that word meant and before I could clarify that someone had called me that she had grabbed me by the arm and scolded me "DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!"

When President Obama was elected to be the first black president of the United States, I felt so much hope and courage. Our nation was stepping away from racism and my future children will live in a much different world than I did.

President Obama taught me to have courage, my voice matters, and it is a great responsibility to fight for the underserved. Because of him I am no longer afraid to say that I am feminist (the patriarchy really ingrained in me that was a dirty word!). I left my corporate job to work in the nonprofit world because I was inspired by his service and I believed that I needed to be involved in something bigger than myself. He was an incredible example of marriage and what a parent should be like. He believed in equality for all and changed the lives of many Americans. The lives of LGBTQ citizens are better because of his fight, women's issues and rights were at the center of his Administration, healthcare for those who were previously denied access to, took on the challenge of climate change, a proponent for immigration and refugee reform, rejected discrimination against Muslims and advocated for Palestinian rights for a two state system (although, this was somewhat late in the game). I love the Obamas and my life is better because of his administration.

At 24 years old I believed that our nation had drastically stepped away from racism and bigotry. I do believe that we have come a long way but the fight is not over. In the last year we have seen a rise in hate crimes and fear of safety for self and others are far too common. I can not tolerate this behavior. I can not sit back and allow hateful behavior to be a normal part of American life. I am driven by justice and equality for all.

In President Obama's farewell speech he asked us to "Show up. Dive in. Stay at it."

I can promise you I will. #ThanksObama

Where I Am From

2014-12-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

I am from desert sand and tumble weeds, hot air and cold nights.

I am from scrubbing floors, babies, and cousins that I don't even know.

I am from late nights of coffee drinking and fortune telling,

listening to the call of prayer in the early morning.

I am from open spaces and thick trees,

miles and miles to civilization.

I am from fried green tomatoes and corn bread, eaten on the front porch swing,

crickets chirping and fresh cut grass.

I am from heavy coated accents, a division of black, white, and brown.

I'm from a new religion and an old religion; both intertwined with drives of guilt and shame.

The foundations control me and push me away.

Motherhood is my only divine role and men have the final say.

I push the boundaries in search of freedom, only to have the noose tightened.

I am a misfit and a rebel with fear of abandonment.

I am from my mother and my father.

I am from two cultures that fit together,

two cultures that collide.

10 Years

2014-08-14T23:13:00.001-07:00

I really love this picture that Tysha took of us last summer, it's perfection.

10 years of an extraordinary life-beyond what I could ever imagine.

Here's a break down of those years (I am a total data nerd)

10 Years:

10 jobs combined

8 countries visited

3 states that we lived in

2 mortgages

2 cars

19 states visited

3 cats

2 bachelor degrees

1 hot air balloon ride

1 helicopter ride

5 weddings

3 funerals

3 apts

1 Ragnar

3 half marathons
1 application to grad school
Became serious concert junkies- I lost track of how many bands we have seen!
3 new nieces and nephews (two to be added soon!)
3 new sibling in laws
and 1 beta fish that I killed in a matter of 30 min...may he rest in peace.

It's been nuts! A good nut.

10 years. 3650 days. 87600 hour. 5256000 minutes.

I am so glad that I am on this journey with you Brock.

It's a good life

2014-04-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Oh how have I missed this blog. A year break is a long long break. Well it has been more like a 2 year break.

In these past two years life has changed and changed and changed and I could have never imagined the direction it has gone.

I've learned to run really long distances. I've also injured myself and I'm now on a break from running. I miss it so much that sometimes I get depressed thinking about how I have to wait. Physical therapy has been hard but I have seen so much improvement.

I've traveled a lot. I am grateful for those experiences. I love meeting new people, experiencing new places and falling in love with new cultures. I travel quite a bit for work and I'm always eager to go back and experience those places with CB. I love traveling with him, especially to new places. Sharing those experiences and being able to think back to them is such an intimate thing for me. When I was younger, I traveled alot with my family. When we have kids, I want those experiences for my children. Just because you have kids, does not mean that travel is out of the question.

I am no longer a member of a congregation of the ward that I have been in for the last five years. The boundaries changed, and I am in a completely new stake. The Greenwood Ward was an incredible ward that I felt very much at home with. It allowed me to serve, make new friends, and question my faith. I have been kinda lost with out it but our new ward is pretty great too. The Woodland Park Ward is very similar and very different. It will just take time for me to feel just as comfortable as I have been in the Greenwood Ward.

I have been at a constant battle with my faith. There are times I wonder why I even bother. There are things that I don't understand and I have wrestled with over and over. I feel like in the last two years, there has been a significant shift in my faith. I am not as orthodox as I used to be. I used to feel guilty about everything and I don't feel that way anymore. I would also say that I do not think I am a literal believer anymore. I feel more at ease in the shades of grey and I think that is why I keep going. This talk helped me decide to stay.

I've lost many loved ones that were dear to my heart and I miss them daily. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about them. Death can be earth shattering. There have been days that I think that I would have never thought that they would be gone so soon.

We bought a house. A house that we can stay in for a very very long time. It is in my favorite neighborhood of all of Seattle. I feel blessed. It has been the best journey learning how to make it more of our home. I have become a pro at painting, decorating, and shopping for used furniture. I never thought that we would ever be able to buy another house, not for at least another 10 years. Bless Amazon stock.

My baby brother got married! I am beyond excited to have a new sister in the family. So weird that he is married with a grown up job and grown up responsibilities.

In less than one month I will be turning 30. I am nervous and excited. 30 is serious. 30s is very grown up. 30s means that you better have your crap together. My 20s have been so hard and so good to me. I'm spending my last week of my 20s in NYC with one of my best friends. It will be a great way to bid farewell and to turn a page to becoming more serious and getting my crap together :)

I'll probably come back in another two years and keep you posted on how things are going. For now, you can follow me on instagram. You can blame it for killing my blog.

Random Facts

2013-04-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

Back in January (I KNOW!!!) the most lovely Brooklyn from Hoot Knows nominated me for the Liebster Award. There are three parts to this award. The first part asks for me to share eleven facts about myself; the second part asks me to answer questions provided by Brooklyn that are listed below; and for the third part I am supposed to nominate eleven people who have blogs that match a certain criteria.

so here we go...

Part 1:

11 Facts.

I have a fear of velvet. It makes me cringe like nothing else. I can't tolerate it. If I am even around it, I feel like I am suffocating. For this reason I do not like peaches.
I am a concert junkie. I love love love music. Especially live music.
I would rather travel the world than have material possessions.
I am my biggest enemy. I have often been described as extremely confident, but in reality, I am not.
I teach Sunday School to little kids. I love every minute of it. I'm not even kidding folks. Before teaching Sunday School to little kids, I never really liked being around children.
I am fascinated with birth. It scares the living heck out of me.
If you ever need to borrow a tube of red lipstick, I am your girl. I counted ten tubes the other day.
I love sushi.
Owls have a special place in my heart. I loved them before they became super trendy. Like back in 2006.
I recently took a DNA test that revealed to me that I am 25% Italian. I've always described myself as half Middle Eastern. In reality, I am only 8% Middle Eastern.
Florence, Italy is my favorite place in the whole world. I died and went to heaven the first time I visited. It is magical beyond description.

Part 2:

Brooklyn's Questions

1. What is your favorite bible verse?

Joshua 1:9

2. How did you meet your spouse?

I met my spouse at a church dance when I was 14. He had just moved to LA from California and I was instantly drawn to him.

3. What is something cool about your job?

I travel the country to meet with clients. If you know me well, you know how much I love to travel.

4. What is your favorite dessert? Please share the recipe.
I don't have a specific favorite dessert, but I do love this pumpkin pie as of late.

5. What is the best advice you would give to a couple just getting married?

Don't talk bad about each other to others.

6. Where is your favorite place to travel?

I went to Italy this past summer and I fell madly in love with it. It will always hold a special place in my heart.

7. What made you decide to live in your current city?

We moved to Seattle because of my husband's job. I can't imagine living any where else. The rain does so much for my soul.

8. Describe your personal style in one word.

Eclectic

9. What is your favorite childhood memory?

My favorite childhood memory were the summers that I spent with my cousins. My dad comes from a large family and the summers were always filled with fun times.

10. What is a past-time that you love?

I love going to concerts and listening to music. I'm a serious concert junkie.

11. If you could meet one person, who would it be?

This is a hard one. I wish that I had the opportunity to have meet both of my grandfathers. I have heard nothing but respect and praise about both of them.

Part 3:
My questions. Think about them. answer them.

Questions:

If you could be anything, what would you be?
What is your favorite book? Why?
What chore do you hate doing the most?
If you could choose anyone to be your mentor who would it be? Why?
Name one song that best describes your life right now.
If you could wake up tomorrow anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?
What is your favorite meal?
If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing that you would do?
Do you have a celebrity crush? If so, who?
What is the best gift that was given to you?
If you could go to any moment in time, what would it be? Why?

Day Dreaming

2013-03-03T10:58:00.001-08:00

I have a cold from hell and all I can think about is being somewhere far away. Like Italy. I went there once. Did you know that?

I wonder if I could convince CB to run away with me?

Adulthood

2012-11-26T21:07:00.002-08:00

Today it finally sunk in that my husband is in the bishopric. I guess this means we are adults for sure. So weird.

I can't shake this feeling

2012-09-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

The other night I was shuffling along in my kitchen while CB was sitting at the bar and I sighed really loud. He asked what's up and I explained to him that I just didn't know, I couldn't shake this feeling that I had.

"I'm just so bored with my life!" I murmured. He chuckled and said "Same here, I've had this odd feeling for awhile."

So we sat there and thought of ideas to make our lives so un-boring.
We could buy a new TV!
Fancy car?
Save up for a house!
Move to another apt...another city...another state...another country!
Start a family? We thought about it for two minutes and both said "nah" at the same time. Terrifying territory...for so many reasons. Although, we are in a better state now than we have ever been to make this happen.
More yoga, more running, more crossfit.

We debunked everything and still was not able to pinpoint what could shake things up.

One of CB's cousin told me that if she could be me for just one week it would be the best thing ever! I was like umm nope, you don't want to be me...I live a BORING life.

I shared my boredom situation with one of my coworkers and she just laughed at me. "You are the busiest person I know! You are constantly going to concerts, doing yoga, running, crossfit, a million book clubs, church stuff, traveling. For crying out loud you are going to Italy!"

Yikes.

Man, I sounded so pathetic. I just don't understand why I can't shake this feeling. No matter what I do, I just have this pit of a feeling that won't go away. In the last couple of years I have worked really hard to accomplish several goals. Both CB and I set some goals that we knew would take ALOT of time and energy to accomplish. Now that those are accomplished, I'm left shuffling my feet.

Maybe it is time to set some new goals? Does anyone else ever go through this? Suggestions?

Blegh

I am such a complainer. Someone punch me already.

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Nico Stai

2012-08-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my obsession with Spotify, I was introduced to Nico Stai a couple of weeks back. I love his voice and I have yet to find a song by him that I don't care for. So far my favorites are Maybe, Maybe and The Skies Over Your Head. Did I mention he is a Spaniard? Dreamy.

It feels like home

2012-08-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

I've been on this crazy ride with CB for the last 8 years and I could not have asked for more!

We send awesome text messages to each other.

Have the best inside jokes.

Disagree on TV shows, but agree on music 90.5% of the time.

He forces me to eat kale. I force him to eat my cupcakes. Not really.

Our cats mind him and ignore me. Hmph

I'm always right no matter what. He just nods his head and smiles.

We talk about our bodily functions often. It's mostly me that is talking.

Sometimes I pick arguments with him out of sheer boredom. He plays along and then usually tells me to read a book. We then hug it out.

We buckle down and make hard decisions like a perfect team.

He judges my outfits and I roll my eyes. He dresses better than me.

He tried to teach me how to bake bread and I taught him how to cut an onion.

There have been many times that we have skipped dinner and gone straight to ice cream. Cause we can.

I'm so lucky that he picked ME! He picked me! I am completely over the moon! It feels like home with him. To eternity and beyond!

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I am going to make this place your home

Seattle Rock and Roll Half Marathon

2012-07-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I ran my first half marathon. It was awesome and I can't wait to do another one. Although I am super slow, I still managed to beat my trial time by 5 min. I was in one of the last corral that crossed the start line and I feel that slowed me down a bit. I kept dodging walkers and at many points I had to walk, since there was very little space to run. Next time around, I won't make that mistake. The course also seemed to be much easier than I expected.

I felt super lucky to be able to run this race with CB. When I first proposed the idea of running a half, he was skeptical. The Monday after we finished our race, he sent me a link to another half that he wanted to do. He's hooked!

My next fitness goal is to complete a month of cross fit. I start on Tuesday. Wish me luck!

Hey there!

2012-06-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm running a half marathon tomorrow. Yo!

A new season

2012-06-18T21:27:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I was released from being a Seminary teacher and was called to be in the Primary Presidency. Yesterday the life that I have known for the last two years has closed. It was something that I have prayed for for awhile. I was exhausted. My body, spirit, and soul were breaking down. I needed to recover. On my last day of teaching and as I stood to be released, I was overcome with emotion. I cried alot. But the Lord knows me, he knows my needs and I have been so blessed. Seminary has rocked my world on so many different levels. I have pretty much lived and breathed Seminary.

What will I do with all my extra time?

I'm excited to see what happens with my future.

This past week there have been so many things that have come up that have allowed me to seriously think about my future. CB and I have talked about it extensively and I am excited for all the different possibilities. A family? School? School in a different state?

CB is the best partner to have along on this ride. When I mentioned school he mentioned applying to a program that I felt fit for, even if it was out of state. "Oh Layla, I can go wherever! Let's go to NYC!"

Yup. I am so damn lucky.

Rockin' Out Tuesday- The Lumineers

2012-06-12T10:51:00.001-07:00

A couple of months back, my friend Calley posted this video on her Facebook page and I have been falling madly in love with The Lumineers ever since. Their song Ho Hey makes me really happy. It has become my happy place song.

They are going to be at Capital Hill Block Party, which I go to every year. So excited to see them live.

I love summers in Seattle....Sunny days, music festivals and that incredible nostalgic feeling that comes with all of it.

She's only 17....I mean 28

2012-05-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

You guys, I have the most charming husband in the world! Seriously he knows how to make me swoon. For my 28th birthday he planned this epic trip to Vegas. He made plans to whisk me away from work and reveal to me where we were going on our way to the airport. Someone at church heard about it and not knowing that I had no clue what was going on, spilled the beans to me. So the trip to Vegas was revealed, but that was pretty much it. Once we arrived in Vegas, he rented a sports car (surprise number 2) and drove us to the Wynn (surprise number 3). The Wynn is the fanciest, most beautiful hotel that I have ever stayed at. I felt so spoiled!

The next day when I asked him what our plans were, he told me that we were spending the whole day at the resort's spa (surprise number 4). He scheduled messages for both of us and we had full access to the spa for as long as we wanted. I was a little nervous about the whole spa experience since the reviews said that clothing was optional (it was a woman's only spa). Gulp. On a side note, my therapist a week earlier had mentioned that I should go to a woman's spa to challenge myself one step further with my body image issues. "You know you have made it Layla if you can walk around naked at a spa!" Little did she know that CB had already made those plans for me to meet that challenge. You guys, I did it! I walked around in a towel and soaked in pools with other ladies naked! NAKED! The best part is that I didn't feel at all uncomfortable. It was so liberating! The spa was so beautiful. I could not get over what an amazing experience it was. The couples message that we had was out of this world.

That night we celebrated my birthday dinner at Marche Bacchaus. It was so good and the views were killer. CB topped the night off by given me this little beauty. I was so floored by it all. I kept telling him that he shouldn't have! I was so overwhelmed with the amount of effort that he went to make my birthday so special. And I only turned 28! He later revealed to me that he wanted to do this for me because I am known to make a big deal out of people's birthdays and mine should be made just as big of a deal. Apparently I have taught him that birthdays should be a huge epic event.

In all reality this trip was for both of us. We needed a break badly. We also just finished working our butts off to pay a huge amount of our mortgage off and it was time to celebrate! It felt so good to finally have our "insane who the hell does this" plan accomplished in less than 3 years.

The rest of the trip we spent at the pool sipping virgin pina coladas and driving around Red Rock Canyon. Red Rock Canyon is beautiful! I wish that we had more time to spend there. Vegas has seriously exceeded my expectations. I loved every minute of our trip!

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Grouplove

2012-05-15T15:23:00.004-07:00

I'm back! Wowzier, I haven't written in awhile. I'm 28! I have so much to share about this last weekend. It was epicness. Gosh I love CB. Ok, but back to the more important topic here, Grouplove is amazing! I am so obsessed with them. I particularly LOVE their song Tongue Tied. Have you heard of them before?

Much love!

Proud List

2012-04-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

A couple years back, I read Nie Nie's proud list and I have been thinking about my own proud list ever since. My proud list is important to me, because I do have moments in my life that I am not proud of. Whenever I am frustrated or down, I think of my list and it reminds me of how far I have come. I know that being proud gets a bad reputation, but sometimes moments of pride are needed and it is healthy.

* I am proud to be a Mormon. More specifically I am at peace with my religion because I have been able to question things that I don't understand. For awhile I struggled with my faith, but I have come to the conclusion that Mormonism is not just black and white, you can have thoughts and ideas and grow in the gospel.
* I am proud to be a Seminary teacher. This calling has pushed me to levels that I didn't think I could ever reach. It has kicked my trash numerous times and I have survived.
* I am proud that I graduated with a BA from Brigham Young University. Receiving my diploma was one of the greatest moments of my life.
* I am proud that I waited to have children. In the last eight years I have learned so much about myself, my spouse, and the type of life I want to provide for my future family. (no this is not an announcement)
* I am proud that we are consumer debt free. We both worked hard to not have any student loans, not to depend on credit cards and manage our finances carefully. Everything that we own, we were able to obtain and buy for ourselves. I am by no means saying that if you have had to go the opposite route than us than you are below us. You have to do what is right for you. For me and my husband, we were both terrified of being in debt. The largest debt that we have acquired is our mortgage and it has kicked us in the trash. In the last three years we have been aggressively paying it off.
* I am proud that I have traveled the world alone. Both times that I went abroad alone, I was able to reflect and think about my life and where it is headed.
* I am proud of the man that I married. He blows me away. I don't know how I got so lucky. He has been nothing but kind, gracious, strong and hard working in all manners of his life.
* I am proud that I stepped in to the unknown and allowed myself to meet with a therapist, nutritionist, and a doctor to help me heal from my body image and emotional issues.
* I am proud that in the last six months I have not binged, purged, or taken laxatives as a form of dieting. It was a path that I have known for the majority of my life.
* I am proud that I don't know my weight and that I handed over my scale.
* I am proud that I can run really long distance and endure. The body that I have despised for so many years is able to do things that I didn't know it could do. It is strong and healthy and I am grateful for it.
* I am proud that I can now look at myself naked in the mirror.
* I am proud that I am a straight Mormon ally. I want to try my best to understand and to make sure that everyone is felt loved and cared for, regardless of their sexual orientation.
* I am proud that I voted for Barack Obama and I plan on voting for him again.
* I am proud of my rich Middle Eastern heritage and that I was able to experience life in the Middle East.
* I am proud that I have a job that I like and that I can feel productive and help contribute to our finances. I love the fact that I have made all the payments for the car that I drive.
* I am proud that I have a better relationship with my father and my sister.
* I am proud that I kept my maiden name when I got married and added a new name to the mix. Having four names is bad A.
* I am proud that I have made an effort to better my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for prayer and meditation. I am grateful for the knowledge of his unconditional love. When all else seems to fail, that one piece of knowledge keeps me going.

Story Telling

2012-04-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

I love hearing stories. I also love telling stories.

Lately I have been listing to pod-casts from The Porch and it made me think about how much people love storytelling. When I was a kid, my dad would have this nightly ritual where we would listen to him tell us stories from when he was a kid. I was obsessed. He would make everything so exciting and would not miss a detail. I think I have inherited that trait from him.

The other night I was telling CB how much I love story telling. He chuckled and said "You do have some pretty rad stories." I laughed and asked him what was his favorite one. He replied, "Well some of my favorite ones are the ones when I wasn't there. Like that one time you congratulated your dad's car."

True story, when I was five years old I congratulated my dad's car. The funny part is that no one was with me to witness this and I went back home and told everyone like it was nothing. Here's the story.

When I was five years old, my family lived in an apt above a store. It was during winter and my mom asked me to go down to the store and buy some yogurt (this is a very normal thing to ask kids to do in the Middle East). The day before, my dad had gotten new seat covers for his car. While I was out getting yogurt, I passed by my dad's car to take a look. I remember telling the car in Arabic how beautiful the seat covers were and I congratulated it on it's new upgrade. I then said "Well I would love to stay and talk more, but I am really cold."

When I got back home, I proudly announced to my dad that I saw his car and that I congratulated it on the new seat covers.

I have yet to live this story down.

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Music to run to

2012-03-27T09:20:00.001-07:00

I've been asked numerous times what type of music do I listen to while I run. I've gone through several cycles of playlist since I have started to train for my half marathon. Now that I am running up to 8 miles, I really have to like the music that I am listening to. The music has to motivate me to run and keep going. Another important factor is that the music has to fit my pace. If it is too slow or too fast I have a really hard time keeping a pace. Once I listened to CB's running playlist and within 3 minutes I thought I was going to die. I should have know better since he runs about a 8 min mile and I run about a 12 min mile.

Here is a list of top ten favorite songs that I currently love to run to:

10. Midnight City- M83
9. Xxxo- M.I.A.
8. Run This Town- Jay-Z
7. Lovely Allen- Holy F*
6. Hysteria- Muse
5. Girls Like You- The Naked and Famous
4. My Body- Young the Giant
3. Yeah 3x-Chris Brown
2. Punching In A Dream- The Naked and Famous
1. I Like It- Enrique Iglesias

Seriously, Mr. Enrique keeps me running. As soon as I hear that song, I am pumped and ready to run hard, no matter how tired I am. What music do you listen to while running? I think it might be time for me to change things up soon.

I'm an odd one

2012-03-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here are some random odd facts about me for you to enjoy on this lovely Friday.

* While I don't have my own children and giving birth scares the sheez out of me, I am fascinated by birthing stories. I could spend all day listening to people share them, reading them, etc. The gorier the better. Nothing is more disappointing to me than hearing someone tell me that they got induced, got an epidural, and poped out a baby like it was nothing. I am a sick twisted human being.

* While I run I tell myself "You are so awesome!" "Layla, you are so strong, keep going!" When I pass someone, I chuckle to myself and think "pansy!" The problem is that I am a SLOW runner.

* Wanna hear a story, just ask. Today, one of my coworkers told me that out of everyone that he knows, I have the craziest most bizarre stories. Things stick with me for a while and I remember little details. Numerous times I have told my Seminary class if they pay attention to my lesson, I will tell them a story. It works every single time.

* Watching people play with their food makes me physically ill. Babies are the worst. Those pictures that you post of your child covered in food makes me puke. I can't even think about it.

* I have to shave my arm pits every morning. It drives me nuts if I don't. I'm currently sporting razor burn.

* I have more sympathy for animals than I do for humans. Your cat/dog is sick, let me bring you dinner. You had a baby? Congrats.

* Every morning, I set four alarms. I hit snooze on all of them (which results in an alarm going off every 3-5 min) and wake up 30 min before I need to be somewhere.

* I have a large collection of boots. They are all brown.

What are some of your odd facts?

Rockin' out among the apples

2012-03-10T17:56:00.001-08:00

The other night while I was shopping at my local QFC, I thought about this funny experience that I had about a year ago at that very QFC. CB teases me about it when we visit that particular QFC.

Story time.

While browsing the massive amount of apples, I am jamming along to some seriously awesome music. Every song that is played is so good and I can't get over how kick A the music is at this QFC.

I turned to CB and said: "The music that they are playing is so rad. I think on my way out I'm going to tell the manager how much I appreciate his taste in music."

CB: "Ahh babe, that is your iPhone that is playing the music."

Me: "No, it is so not!" As I reach into my pocket to check, it is most definitely my iPhone.

CB: "I was wondering what the deal was with your random solo rocking out party at the grocery store."

Me: BLUSH

Rockin' Out Tuesday- The Naked and Famous

2012-03-06T16:57:00.001-08:00

Oh goodness how I love this song, actually I love the whole damn album. I ran almost 7 miles the other day and rocked it because of amazing music like this. Let's back up a little bit...I freakin' ran almost 7 miles! It was so easy too! The only reason why I stopped is because CB was tired of sitting around and waiting for me. He finished his run 20 min before I did. Seriously, I am amazed by him. When I signed him up for the half marathon, he was not into it, but after he finished his five mile run within 40 something minutes, he was excited for the half marathon. See, I always know what is best. HA!

8 miles this weekend, wait what?!

About Love

2012-02-17T13:23:00.000-08:00

When I first started therapy, I would gear up for an hour of a battle that I knew I would lose. I would come in with my guard up, start with my bull reasoning and leave crying the ugly cry. I had some serious issues and one of them being that I didn't love myself. I hated myself, to the point that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without being critical.

A. once had me write out 10 things that I liked about myself, that I truly felt positive about. I came up with one. She pushed for more, until I told her about this FB post** that a friend had once sent to me that I carried around with me. I carried it with me because I wanted to believe what M. believed I was. I would read it over and over and think I want to be that.

So A. wrote down all of those kind things that M. had said about me and we worked on helping me learn how to love myself.

The further I got into therapy, the more and more CB and I would discuss the path I was going on. Before, I would constantly question why he loved me, I just couldn't comprehend it. He was dashing, smart, charming, and was moving fast in his career. He had a ton going for him and I couldn't understand why he loved me. I would think, he would be so much happier if he wasn't with me, I'm stopping him from reaching his full potential. It would infuriate him every time he said "I love you" and I would respond "why?"

I brought it up to A. once, and with out hesitation she said to me "You have no right to tell someone whether or not they can love you. You can make that choice for yourself, but you can't make it for others." All of a sudden, a light bulb went off and it began to make sense.

So I stopped questioning him and trying to understand why, I just let it be. It was liberating. When I had really dark days, it was comforting to know that through it all, I had CB's love and I would be ok.

*M., you mentioned in the post that you had no idea why you were writing what you wrote, but I feel that there is a reason for everything. At that moment, when I first read your words, I sobbed. It was a pushing point for me to make a change. Thank you

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi

2012-02-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

Since it is the Day of Love, I figured it would only be appropriate to post a love song. I adore the song Terrified, but I especially adore that Zachary Levi is singing it along with Katharine. I had no idea he could sing so beautifully. He is so dreamy. What's your current favorite love song?

A short story about love

2012-02-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

I saw this sweet short film on A Blog About Love and I had to share it. I adore how love stories can develop in unusual ways. My love story started over emails after CB came home from serving a two year LDS mission. We were good friends before hand (I meet him when I was 14!) and at one point when I was 17, I wrote in my journal how much I admired him and would love to be with a guy like him. Little did I know that he felt the same way about me.

So many times I go back to those emails and I can't help but smile. When we saw each other for the first time after not having been around each other for over two years, we were both a little speechless. And then he cracked a smile and all was well.

Love is a beautiful thing. My heart's desire is for everyone to experience it.