Lazy Revolution

Next week on "American Idol"

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:50:00 +0000

American Idol comes to a close next week.

Dreams of next week…

The finale. Where the shrieking scream machine known as the Glambert 3000 will no doubt emit so shrill and so high a noise at the end of the new official Idol cheese worshipping sap ballad that he will break the lenses out of Randy Jackson’s glasses, causing the former Journey bassist to proclaim, “yo dawg, I can’t see due to the tiny shards of razor-sharp glass which have severely lacerated my eyeballs, but that was off the hook, dawg! I don’t need to see you to know you’re the winner, yo!” Then Kara will pant and drool like a St. Bernard while hailing Adam the new Messiah and talking about how hip and edgy Celine Dion is. Paula will collapse in an Oxy Cotin-induced coma after mumbling something about reaching goals higher than soccer and hockey, and Lord Simon’s head will explode due to the tremendous pressure of his ever-so-tight t-shirt, causing Ryan Seacrest to wail mournfully about love not spoken for so very long.

The show is canceled for the good of the nation by President Obama, which turns out to be the finest decision he has made so far. The war in Iraq and Afghanistan ends, as the Taliban and Al Queda realize it was Idol that was making them so mad. The economy springs back to life, as people realize there is a reason to work hard, now that no-talent hacks like Danny Gokey can’t be made into celebrities anymore just by singing badly on a game show and wearing glasses. And there is universal health care for everyone, which has nothing to do with Idol going away, but won’t that be nice?

Adam Lambert is immediately cast in the lead role for the revival of the revival of the revival of Rent.

Allison is sued by Pink, then countersues, then the two have a catfight on a red carpet, then fall in love.

Danny Gokey opens a used-car dealership in Milwaukee, where he sings about great deals on Chryslers.

Lil Rounds goes to Hollywood and makes action movies with Jennifer Lopez. The two team up for a popular film about women detectives solving crimes, fighting the man, and raising children. Oh, and they have enormous butts. (send your title for this movie to LazyRevolution@gmail.com - the winner gets a free t-shirt!)

Kris Allen goes on tour opening for Jason Mraz, and his album sells extremely well in the my wife and my sister-in-law demographic.

And this Fall, Megan Joy is given the 10pm time slot at FOX to compete with Jay Leno every night. And the crazy gorgeous wackaloon destroys “the chin” in the ratings, caw-caw-cawing her way to becoming the most successful Idol-alum ever!

Peace,

T-to-the-B

Staying Dumb as Hell, Drinkin' Mountain Dew, Bitch

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:19:00 +0000

"Culturally Constructed Ignorance"

Yesterday I received an email dismissing global warming because it's been cold outside the past 2 winters. The astounding level of willful ignorance is enough to make one give up on the human race. I'm about there. The following link is a very interesting article about how it's easy to stay ignorant in these information-rich times.

http://www.wired.com/techbiz/people/magazine/17-02/st_thompson

All it will take to really send me over the edge is more of this Republican-led backlash against, well, logic. All I've heard againa and again for the last week or so is how the Obama stimulus bill is really a spending bill. So what's wrong with that? It's called investing. And why would ANYONE actually listen to these morons? They are the party that got us into so much trouble in the first place! If tax cuts haven't worked for 8 years, why would they suddenly work now? If you got a few hundred bucks back from Uncle Sam in May, would you immediately go buy something with that money? If you're a monkey, you might go buy a big bunch of bananas, but people in this economy are more likely to pay down their debts. That doesn't help grow the economy. So why the fuss about tax cuts? Because tax cuts help RICH PEOPLE.

Why not adopt the Jon Stewart plan? Yes, the host of The Daily Show proposes that the billion-dollar bailout be distributed to Americans so they can pay off their debts. This would level the playing field, as we would all be free to buy more stuff instead of still paying for the stuff we already bought, and all of that money in payments would go right to the banks, so they'd have an influx of cash from exactly the correct place: consumers. Why wouldn't this work? I can't imagine how it would not. It's a non-violent Fight Club ending. And none of us need to shoot ourselves in the face for it to work.

Peace,

T-to-the-B

If it's illegal, what's the punishment?

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:52:00 +0000

My intrepid sister-in-law found the following YouTube video and sent it around for comment.

Take a look, I thought this was very interesting...

What a FANTASTIC point this filmmaker addresses! If abortion is murder as they say, the taking of a life, then it would be homicide. From a legal perspective, there would not be no difference, right?

So, really, this wonderful video highlights exactly what's wrong with the Pro-Life movement: they don't care about women. It's all about the unborn babies. These people have been involved in this movement for years, and never even thought of the consequences to women who have illegal abortions.

Is a fetus more important than a woman? Be careful who you ask on that one...

Aren't a high percentage of pro-lifers also big supporters of the military? Is this the fisherman's rule? Throw 'em back when they're young so they can grow up to be dead soldiers?
And aren't a lot of these fetus-loving people also in favor of the death penalty? Hahahaha! Now that's hysterical! ">
Only religion can F with your head so badly that you can rationalize such diametrically opposite positions.

I know how to solve this problem. Let's just tell the crazy Christians that the babies that have been aborted, and will be aborted were GAY. Betcha they stop complaining so much!

Save me Jeebus,

TB

Why Conservatives Suck

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 10:47:00 +0000

Why Tuesday Will Be So Sweet

I recently read a wonderful blog that beautifully summarizes what I've known all along: that in a historical context, conservatives are anti-American, greedy, selfish A-holes. "Oh now, come on," you say, "Obama is about to take office next week, why talk trash now?" Because it's important to see just how screwed up the conservative ideology really is. Please take a moment to read Robert Creamer's excellent article, and you'll see that wingnuts like Sean Hannity are just warmed-over Tories and Confederates. He quotes author Mike Lux from his new book The Progressive Revolution: How the Best in America Came to Be to show just how base conservatives have been historically, and how even though you hear a lot of BS from Republicans about patriotism, it is the Progressives who founded this country.

Progressives invented the American ideal and inspired the American
Revolution. Conservatives, then known as Tories, opposed it. Since then,
every major advancement in American freedom, democracy, social justice,
and economic opportunity has been fostered, fought for, and won by
progressives against conservative resistance. Now who's anti-American?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-creamer/the-one-big-thing-george_b_158092.html

I've always felt there was something wrong about conservatives. Something just fundamentally incorrect about their ideology. These are people who always think they are right, who never question themselves or reflect on the consequences of their actions. They're selfish people who have used race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, you name it, to divide this country. Here's to the Obama era: a time of healing, rebuilding, and the awakening of decency in America. And the marginalization of Fox News, right-wing radio, and that crazy dude with the long hair (take your pick: Ted Nugent or Ann Coulter).

Peace.

T-to-the-B

Steve Panella - a rare mind

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:58:00 +0000

Steve was a good friend. Sadly, we had not spoken in years. Not for any particularly good reason, either, which makes me feel stupid. Steve and I were thick as thieves, hanging out, cracking each other up, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and having fantastic conversations, many late into the night at cafes, bars, Denny's. We'd talk about the lives we wanted to lead, and where we thought we might go in our futures. Over a few hundred cups of coffee, we argued, agreed, teased, and intrigued one another the way good friends do. As I said, we stopped hanging out, and I feel I missed precious time with a wonderful person.

I don't know why he took his own life. I'm not sure anyone does.

http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/beaconnews/news/1308155,aurora-multiple-stabbing-suicide-au120108.article

I know he lived life on a deeper level than most people, and it's why he was such a fascinating force. Steve was, to me, the coolest guy in the room no matter where he was. Being his friend, and earning his approval were badges of honor for me. His was a quick wit, and I learned many a put-down from his sharp tongue. He was a kind person, and extremely intelligent. He always seemed so above the petty bullshit. In high school, he never cared about what this person or that person thought. He didn't belong to any clique or group that I was aware of. He had many, many friends, as he was the kind of guy you just wanted to be around.

God damn. Why?

Steve was always on a different plane. He had a twisted take on everything that fascinated me. I miss him. I feel really stupid for not staying in touch the past few years. I don't know why he did what he did, but I deeply regret not having him in my life lately. It makes me think about old friends and how it's so important to keep in touch. Even if it's just a beer or a cup of coffee after work on a random night, it really is important. Steve's death has shaken me. Of everyone I've known, I would not have thought that it he would have left us like this. But the point is, he's gone. And one by one, we'll all be gone. So while we're here, we need to enjoy each other.

Steve was a talented artist; he was constantly drawing, sketching, and doodling. Over those hundreds of cups of coffee, he'd alternate his pen with his hand-rolled American Spirit cigarette, casually drawing all manner of things in a big blank notebook. Leafing through it from time to time, I could trace many of our winding conversations. Looking at his recent work, I see a maturity and grace lacking in much contemporary work I've seen. I'm no expert, but Steve's stuff is good.

Visit his blogs: http://3dpoetry.blogspot.com/ and http://stevepanella.blogspot.com/.

The first blog shows a lot of his wonderful art. I'd love for his work to be shown. Maybe a benefit gallery showing could be arranged? His family has asked that "in lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Hesed House, 659 S. River St., Aurora, IL 60506, where Stephen volunteered." Here is the mural Steve painted there. Proceeds from a showing of Steve's work could be donated to Hesed House.

The second blog has recent poems from Steve, and a very interesting story, told in verse. I found it to be quite good, and look forward to reading it to my own children some day.

Again, why? So talented, so smart. Maybe Steve thought it was time to become the energy he portrayed in his art. Maybe it was time, in his mind, to leave the body and become the spirit.

Much of the ironic detachment and skewed view of the world I have I owe to Steve Panella. His was a rare mind, and one I am glad I knew. I just wish I knew him better now I won't be able to have a late night cup of coffee with him again.

One of the pieces of art Steve posted recently: a self portrait.

And even though we had not spoken for a long time, the pain I've felt in my stomach all day tells me how much I'll miss my old friend.

Peace.

TB

HISTORY TONIGHT!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:45:00 +0000

How long can we, who voted for President-Elect Obama (doesn;t that sound AWESOME?) gloat to neocons?

How long are we allowed to sing nah-nah-nah-na-nah-nah to Republicans?

We need to come together as one nation, but honestly, this feels GOOD!

VICTORY!

In your face, GOP!

What now?

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:15:00 +0000

I am overwhelmed. Growing up black in the deep South, I never thought I'd see the day when one of us would be President.

But this is an eye-opener. Even more so than when my Dad explained to me the difference between Shinola and Sara Palin.

YES WE DID!

VICTORY!!!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:44:00 +0000

WE DID IT!

YES WE CAN

YES WE CAN

YES WE CAN

YES WE DID!

OBAMA WINS OHIO!!!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:34:00 +0000

OBAMA WINS OHIO!

NO REPUBLICAN HAS EVER WON THE PRESIDENCY WITHOUT WINNING OHIO!!!

It's not over yet, but it's looking VERY VERY good!!!

Woo-hoo!

FUCK GEORGIA

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:12:00 +0000

Dammit, Bob Barr! Where were you?

Atlanta! What happened?

CHANGE FOR THE WORLD!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:56:00 +0000

Great comment...

I wanted to share this: My friend from Brazil was telling us today "You have no idea how important this election is to the whole world. My country is clinging to this." She spoke with her family this morning and they were urging her to vote and chanting "O-BA-MA!" Just a reminder how this affects not only us as Americans but the world alike. This is going to change so much!

Amy Miller

Thanks Amy! Keep watching and commenting!

GO OBAMA!

EXIT POLLING RESULTS - BEACH PARK, IL

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:38:00 +0000

THIS JUST IN!

3 votes for Obama and the guy with no commentary filters

100% of males voted for Obama
100% of spoiled dogs were home alone when owners were voting for Obama
100% of gay men in household vote for Anderson Cooper! He's hot!
Bacon gives a big poop to that bitch with the square glasses!

don't have your DVR in pause!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:23:00 +0000

We just realized we weren't live on CNN! Aaaaaa!

All better now.

David and Richard have arrived, so we have a Democratic majority in the house now. We'll have Percival-Hall exit polling results shortly.

don'

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:23:00 +0000

McCain is underperforming Bush

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:21:00 +0000

Hope this continues...

Princess Leia on CNN

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:15:00 +0000

Did anyone see the hologram reporter on CNN earlier? Sooooo dumb. How much money does CNN have? Craziness.

SCOREBOARD

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:12:00 +0000

OBAMA - 77

MCCAIN - 34

HOLY CRAP!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:09:00 +0000

LOTS of states for Obama!!!

According to CNN...
Illinois, New Jersey, Maine, Connecticut, Maryland, DC, Massachusetts!

Screw Oklahoma and Tennessee. Boo red!

EXIT POLLING INFO FROM KEY AREA - ST. LOUIS

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:43:00 +0000

PROBST FAMILY OFFICIAL POLLING RESULTS - MO
3 votes for Obama/Biden

1 vote for fruit snacks

1 vote for the binky
1 aloof abstention (Wrigley, of course)

100% of females voted Obama/Biden
25% of males voted Obama/Biden
75% of males voted other/abstained

Kyah Probst participated in her first ever Kids Voting at Rogers Elementary - results to be announced tomorrow. She proudly wore her Obama/Biden '08 t-shirt along with a large Obama/Biden '08 pin and confidently voted Obama/Biden because he will "help me pay for college," says Probst.

Noah is visibly upset as he "wanted to meet Obama's grandma". The Probst's also canvassed Pointe South neighborhood today, proudly donning their Obama/Biden '08 t-shirts in an effort to sway the South County conservative vote. Noah practiced his "You voted for McCain??" look as seen in the Obama/Biden '08 Probst family picture.

EXIT POLLS

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:34:00 +0000

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

Check it out! Lots of positive exit polling so far. Returns coming in, drinks being poured in preparation of red states turning blue!

Keepo your eye on Indiana and Virginia!

FINGERS ARE CROSSED!

BREAKING NEWS!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:30:00 +0000

OBAMA TAKES DELAWARE!

Oh wait, we knew that would happen.

And - fuck Kentucky.

SHOCKING DEVELOPMENTS!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:13:00 +0000

Lil' Adler Probst was cited for electioneering this morning in St. Louis, MO. He pleaded with voting officals that his mommy dressed him, and it wasn't his fault. In fact, Adler is a fan of Sara Palin (for the boobs) ((relax, people, he's an infant, so boobs = milk! Geesh, ya sickos.))

In a related story, males in MO and IL agree that Palin is hot, but a moron. Easy on the eyes, not so much on the country.

BREAKING NEWS!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:01:00 +0000

LAZY ACTION REPORT!

St. Louis, MO -

Rumors of voter intimidation have been circulating from the Probst Family Compound on Hilly Haven, and we have the inside scoop from our intrepid reporter Wrigley, who filed the following report moments ago...

"WOOF! BARK! PANT, PANT"

Ok, that was seriously stupid. We would never work with Wrigley Probst again, not after plagarism allegations against him arose from his piece this summer on the best places in St. Louis to poop.

We'll have more from St. Louis soon as this story develops...

Stay tuned to www.LazyRevolution.com all day and night for wacky commentary, nutty exit polls, crazy interviews, and overall zaniness as we witness history!

Peace!

ELECTION DAY!

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:06:00 +0000

EARLIEST EXIT POLL RESULTS

Waukegan, IL -

The earliest exit poll today comes from 3321 Burr Oak Drive.

2 votes for Obama-Biden
1 abstained vote
1 vote for BONES!

The breakdown was 100% of women went for Obama, and only 25% of males were for Obama. Apparent third-party "BONES!" was a surprise, garnering an astonishing 25% of male voters. Reached for comment about his vote, Franklin drooled a bit, ran around in a circle, and farted.

Abstaining from voting was Monty, who is a little shit.

Stay tuned for more updates, including the ever-crucial PROBST FAMILY exit poll from St. Louis in swing state Missouri. There are reports of voter fraud, as Noah tried to take Kyah's turn. More details later...

What's Going On?

LazyRevolution@gmail.com (TB) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:25:00 +0000

Why are they killing our black celebrities?

Since celebrities die in groups of three, who's next? Post your guesses here, or email them to LazyRevolution@gmail.com. The winner gets a genuine, official, gourmet Lazy Revolution t-shirt, as worn by George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, Miles Davis, Kim Kardashian, and Barack Obama in a very odd dream I had the other night after eating pickles past 11pm. Yes, I'm serious! A t-shirt in your choice of size with the official LR logo! Thanks to David Merk for a sweet design. We'll have more questions coming up, and each time there will be something to win, so keep reading. When, of course, there's something here to read.

Peace,

T-to-the-B

for the winner...