… Just days ago a deadly tornado left a path of destruction in Moore, Oklahoma. Normalcy vanished in a matter of moments as lives were lost, homes and buildings left in piles of rubble, and valuables forever gone. As horrific images began to appear in the media, one of my favorite songs replayed in my heart:

Beauty for Ashes // Crystal Lewis

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said …

Fear and despair are being overshadowed by thousands of people displaying the love of God through service, support and sacrificial giving to help those in desperate need. Because the church is being the church, victims are already beginning to experience peace, healing and beauty in the ashes.

Churches all across the Oklahoma City Metro Area are partnering together to do all we can, wherever there’s a need. It’s an honor and privilege to minister in this city with so many fabulous pastors’ wives. To my Leading and Loving It community, your love and support has been felt in a huge way … THANK YOU! Seriously, you are such a beautiful blessing!

People’s Church created a video about the Moore disaster with information about how people can help. Please feel free to download this short video and share it with your church and/or community. Together we can live 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT) He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. Also, revisit Lori’s earlier post detailing ministries that are assisting and comforting during this crisis.

CLICK HERE to watch the video.

Lastly, I think it would be fitting to leave encouraging comments today. Please share words of comfort, words of strength, and words of love for the victims who may need support.

Words seem so small and insignificant today. But images have been powerful.

Piles of rubble. Complete devastation. Lives lost. Lives forever changed.

But there are other images as well.

The church being the church. And amidst absolute tragedy, this kind of love, care, and kindness is a beautiful thing.

As you and your church look for ways to help, we want to make sure you know about the efforts of our Leading and Loving It ladies in Oklahoma City. There are incredible churches in this area, but these three are led by people we know, love, and trust 100%. When disasters like this strike around the country, we at our church, always partner with local churches to help them as they work tirelessly to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of their community.

Journey Church in Norman

Journey Church is half a mile from the devastation and is led by our friends Clark and Robin Mitchell. Within hours, Journey Church was open and housing people displaced from their destroyed homes. They are right on the front lines of what is going on and are working with county officials and delivering food and water to first responders.

This is how you can stay up to date for the needs at Journey Church and donate to their relief effort:

Their website: journeychurch.tv/relief
Twitter: @journeychurchtv
@robinmmitchell
@clarkbmitchell

People’s Church in OKC

People’s Church is led by Herbert and Tiffany Cooper, who is on our lead team here at Leading and Loving It. They are working closely with their friends at Journey Church. Their volunteers are already on-site as they work together to provide for the immediate needs of people.

This is how you can stay up to date for the needs at People’s Church and donate to their relief effort:

Their website: peopleschurch.tv/storms
Twitter: @peopleschurchtv
@tiffany_cooper
@herbertcooper

LifeChurch in OKC

LifeChurch is led by our friends Craig and Amy Groeschel and Chris and Cindy Beall (leader of our marriage team) are part of the leadership there. They are accepting donations at all of their campuses.

This is how you can stay up to date for the needs at LifeChurch and donate to their relief effort:

Their Facebook page: fb.com/lifechurchtv
Twitter: @lifechurchtv
@craiggroeschel
@amygroeschel
@cindybeall

As you continue to pray for Oklahoma, please pray for these churches as they help with relief efforts. We will update this page as we have additional information and needs to share.

Last week I had a really rough day. One of those days that beats you up. I’m usually pretty positive… but this day I drifted into a “poor pitiful me” mentality. It wasn’t a good place to be.

Then a dear friend of mine, Eve, shared a short video of her mom who has spent many years battling cancer and is currently in the care of hospice. Words like cancer and hospice don’t sound very uplifting… but believe me, Carolyn’s video left me full of excitement, zeal and encouragement.

I knew as soon as I watched it I wanted to share it with you guys. Because here is what else I knew about Carolyn, for years she was on staff at her church in the trenches doing ministry. She still runs her own non-profit called “Manna From Heaven” where she gives to those in need. Carolyn is one of us. She’s a women in ministry who shares some valuable wisdom about life. And you know what else you will see? Carolyn finishes well. So often in ministry we get beaten up, we get bitter and eventually we leave ministry. She’s kept her focus on Jesus through the good times and bad. She’s guarded her marriage and invested in her husband. She knows the legacy she wants to leave and lives that legacy to the fullest.

You’re gonna love her…

If watching on a mobile device, click HERE to view.

5 years in the making.

18 months of working … writing … praying.

Is about to come to fruition.

Leading and Loving It: Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives and Women in Leadership releases August 6th (available now for pre-order). In Leading and Loving It, Lori Wilhite and Brandi Wilson offer a gut-honest look into their lives in ministry and dive into Biblical insight dealing with leadership challenges.

You will get tools to help regain or maintain the joy that God holds out as you follow Him in this calling on your life. You will rest in the knowledge that God, knowing your weaknesses and shortcomings, has called you to this work and this role. You will realize that you don’t have to face life and leadership alone. You will grow to lead, and love it.

And … that’s not all.

Starting on book launch day, you’ll be able to join us for a special three-part web conference. You will be joined by amazing friends and women in ministry:

Lori Wilhite- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Central Christian Church in Las Vegas and Founder of Leading and Loving It
Brandi Wilson- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Cross Point Church in Nashville and Co-leader of Leading and Loving It
Tiffany Cooper- Sr Pastor’s Wife of People’s Church in Oklahoma City
Dr. Tara Jenkins- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Fellowship Church Chicago and Founder of Ministry Mates
Holly Furtick- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC
Christine Caine- Author of Undaunted and Founder of the A21 Campaign
Lisa Hughes- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Church by the Glades in Coral Springs, Florida
Mardia Lira- Pastor’s Wife of Central En Espanol and Leader of (Leading and Loving It in Spanish launching in September)
Angie Smith- Author of What Women Fear and Mended and Women of Faith Speaker
Holly Wagner- Co-pastor of Oasis Church in Los Angeles and author of several books including GodChicks
Jessica Cornelius- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Bay Area Fellowship in Corpus Christie, Texas
Stephanie Carter- Sr Pastor’s Wife of Concord Church in Dallas, Texas
Lisa Bevere- Author of Girls with Swords and Co-founder of Messenger International
Sheila Walsh- Author of many books including God Loves Broken People: And Those Who Pretend They’re Not and Women of Faith Speaker

Don’t miss these three sessions:

Tuesday August 6th: Joy Stealers: Tackling the leadership challenges that threaten to steal the joy found in the calling God has on our lives.
Tuesday September 10th: Navigating Relationships: Learning to better navigate the oftentimes choppy waters of relationships and leadership.
Tuesday October 1st: The Importance of Influence: Grabbing hold of the influence that God has given us. Embracing it. Resting in it.

You can watch in your PJs curled up on your couch. Or you can gather with other ministry wives or key volunteers and leaders in your church. Or watch with other pastors’ wives and women in ministry in your community. If you’d like to participate as a host site for one or all of the sessions, simply email us at leadingandlovingit@me.com, and we will help you make that happen.

And believe it or not … there are more surprises to come. It is going to be an exciting fall.

… Sin is blatant and sin is sneaky. As women in ministry, we see the destruction of sin up close as people try to put their lives back together again. It’s ugly, painful and no respecter of persons. No one is immune and we’re in a dangerous place when we develop an invincible and casual attitude regarding sin. Pride is a sneaky sin that disguises itself in many forms. Scripture is clear about the end result of  pride …

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

As a community of friends, let’s ask the difficult question, “Is pride creeping into your life?”

Signs that pride is creeping into your heart:

1. When you aren’t willing to learn from other leaders.

2. When you spend time with people and only talk about yourself.

3. When you refuse to listen to and learn from people who lead a smaller ministry/organization than yours.

4. When you refuse to listen to and learn from the people you lead.

5. When you are defensive every time you are criticized.

6. When you don’t have compassion for those who are suffering, hurting, or trapped in sin.

7. When you talk down at people as though you have arrived.

8. When you want everybody to serve you.

9. When you don’t serve others.

10. When you justify why you’re not obeying the Bible in an area of your life.

11. When you believe you could never fall into sin.

12. When you don’t empower others to lead because you want to do it all yourself.

13. When you always take the credit instead of giving credit to others who helped.

14. When you start depending on self to produce results instead of trusting God.

Of course, there are many more warning signs that alert us to pride creeping into our lives. I encourage you to fight this sneaky, destructive sin that masks itself to appear harmless. Can’t see pride in your life? Ask a trusted friend if they see it in an area of your life. Ask God to reveal pride. Listen, God has greatness for our lives and we don’t have time to mess around with sin. No time for it at all.

Who keeps you in check? Who speaks into your life regarding the tough, real-life issues? We all need someone to speak truth, even when it’s hard to hear!

If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you already know that I just spent a week celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary in New York City. Sister, I spent years, YEARS, dreaming about taking this trip. Like since I was a teenager and first heard Liza Minnelli sing “New York, New York”. Oh, I could not wait to “wake up in the city that doesn’t sleep”.

I anticipated walking in Central Park, seeing my first Broadway show, eating a hot dog from a street food vendor, riding the subway, walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and seeing the Statue of Liberty with my very own eyes. The weather, for which I had been praying for since December, 2012…and I am not lying…was precisely perfect. And when I would hear a New Yorker share his or her delight in said weather, I smiled and quietly said, “You’re welcome.” For I was, AM convinced that God provided that weather because I was bold enough to ask.

But this post isn’t about my trip to NYC. It could be, but it’s not. It’s really about what I learned while visiting.

You know how when you go on vacation, you often don’t look forward to it’s end? Because that means you go back to household chores, the ministry position you hold and just regular life. And if you don’t enjoy your life, that would be a bad thing. But if you love your life, you don’t mind going home to the things that occupy your time the rest of the year.

While I loved my time in NYC and consider it to be a dream trip of a lifetime for me, I looked forward to returning home to my sons, my church, my friends and my life here in Oklahoma City. And I think that is because I know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. There was nothing in NYC that made me say, “I wish that was my life.” Instead I found myself saying, “I love my life.”

My question for you today is this: Do you love your life?

I know you may be in a hard season right now. Maybe you are struggling to figure out your next move. Maybe you are in a waiting pattern. Maybe you are raising toddlers and you are ready for them to grow up and become more independent. I get those things. They are tedious and tiresome but they are also grooming you to continue along the path God has for you.

Paul said he “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12). I don’t know to what Paul was referring as his “secret” but I know what it is for me.

Gratitude is my secret.

When I choose to live a grateful life vs. an entitled life, I am filled with so much joy, peace and contentment that I rarely throw myself a pity party. When I choose to start the day thanking God instead of grumbling over what I don’t have, my outlook is bright. As bright as a sunny day in Central Park.

What I would love to encourage you with today is to learn the secret. For yourself. Figure out what it is that will help you walk in contentment. Every single day.

We lead people in our churches and ministries every day. Let’s make sure we are leading from a heart that walks in contentment. When we do, they will follow suit.

Spend some time praying and ask God to reveal to you the secret to contentment. If you already know it, please share with us!

Recently we received this comment…

I was looking through the blog posts and was trying to find some on encouragement on Mothers Day!
I’m a wife of a pastor & have 2 little ones. Here I am on Mothers Day Eve just feeling bummed! Hubby is studying for tomorrow’s message & doesn’t have Mother’s Day even on his radar! And I know that tomorrow morning won’t be anything out of the ordinary! He will leave early for church and all mom duties will be left on my back & I just am feeling sad about that! I wish I could just be ok with that & focus on other positives about His job, but for some reason I’m just bummed! & for sure don’t want to be a big sad brat tomorrow. Ugh. Just wondering how other pastors wives don’t get sucked into this ‘poor me’ rut I feel I’m I tonight!!!

We’ve all been there… maybe not with Mother’s Day, but with another holiday, birthday or anniversary. At some time we’ve all been sucked into that “poor me” rut she references. Celebrating anything on Sundays is hard for any ministry family.

I think sometimes in ministry we have to “rethink” how we celebrate. For instance we are going to begin celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day on Saturday. It is so much easier to make someone feel “spoiled” when you’re not working around their busiest work day of the week. Heck, a lot of my friends were speaking at their churches on Mother’s Day and it’s hard to feel celebrated when you’re carrying that load.

In ministry trying to celebrate a special family day on a Sunday is almost setting us up for failure, as distraction is imminent. I’m a big believer in a celebration doesn’t have to occur on a certain “day” but rather, just celebrate, just acknowledge.

What are some ways you guys have chosen to celebrate certain holidays, anniversaries or birthdays differently when they occur on a Sunday?

… Leading and Loving It has been in full force this week! Why? We have been working on some amazing projects for women in ministry. We are so excited about what’s happening and can hardly wait to share it with all of you! It’s truly a privilege and honor to serve in ministry with you, our Leading and Loving It family. God is so awesome to connect our hearts and cross our paths. We love you!

Almost every month I meet my dear friend Eve for breakfast. We meet at the same restaurant and sometimes even let our husbands join. Eve says the purpose of our “meetings” is to give each other “oxytocin”. She’s seriously hilarious!

Eve and her husband Charlie have known our family for over ten-years. We’ve experienced a lot of life together and have been a part of our church from the very beginning. She is loyal, funny and loud!

Our conversations usually start out like this…

Eve: How are you my friend?

Me: I’m good!

We chitchat about life and start down rabbit trails which often lead to other trails causing us to forget how we got to the trail we’re currently on. Our conversations start with “how are you” and go a hundred different directions. It’s what I love about my “oxytocin time” with Eve. But sometimes I’m quiet. Sometimes I don’t want to chase trails. Sometimes my oxytocin is more toxic than life giving. Sometimes our conversations start with…

Eve: How are you my friend?

Me: I’m good.  (insert flat negative tone here)

Eve: How are you and Justin doing?

Me: We’re good. (insert some more negative tone)

Eve: If you say you’re good one more time I might just….

I wish I could say I only respond to my friends with “I’m fine” or “we’re good” statements but I can easily drift to say them to my husband as well. Sometimes I just want to share the good and dismiss the bad. Ministry is messy enough so why should I bring more of the mess home? There’s always this temptation to champion the hearts of those in our congregation and allow our hearts to simply live at “fine”.

I’m thankful for Eve’s relentless pursuit of my heart this week. Yes, I was even thankful she threatened possible bodily harm if I didn’t fess-up. But most of all, I was thankful she helped me to remember to be okay with being ugly, woeful and boring because it’s both the good and the bad that make-up ALL of me.

So how can you relentlessly pursue your husband’s heart regardless of your circumstances?

Here are three gifts God has uniquely given to you to help you be more than just “fine”.

1. The gift of sex.

I know I may have made some jaws drop on this one. God created your husband to have sexual desires. Sexual brokenness is overwhelming rampant in our church these days and causes more fear rather than the gift it was meant to be. Sex is a gift that brings you together not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.

2. The gift of affirmation.

Regardless of the season of life you’re in the power of your words will always far out weigh the words of others. But just like my friend Eve, you may have to be bold and speak truth in love. You may have to share words even when you think they aren’t being heard.

3. The gift of rest.

Rest is a game changer! I don’t mean having the house clean, dinner ready and you dressed to the nines so your husband can come home and rest. I mean providing and protecting your days off by saying “NO” to things only you can. I think the saying “happy wife, happy life” should read “rested wife, happy life”. When you take the time to rest you will naturally want to help provide and experience times of rest with your husband.

How do you pursue your husband’s heart?

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

Luke 11:23

Unity is critical. Unity on our staffs, with our spouses, with other churches, with other ministries. Make every effort to create and maintain it through the smooth times as well as through tough times.