Lead Them Home

My Struggle with Pro-Gay Theology

2012-01-25T09:59:00.001-05:00

I routinely encounter gay Christians who point me to various resources. One resource that regularly comes up is Evangelicals Concerned. A cursory review of this website yields a warm welcome and inviting atmosphere for LGBT people to seek and discover Christ. I celebrate that.

On their resource page, however, is a Book Review list that positively refers seekers to author Robert E. Goss. He is author of Queering Christ, a highly sexualized account of Jesus. I caution you that this passage is explicit and will be highly offensive to many - including many gay Christian friends. Here is Goss:

"My technique of meditative prayer was to envision Christ with me and experience him as a lover. Scott Haleman, Betty Dodson, and Joe Kramer argue that masturbation can be spiritual and can become a form of transcendental meditation. Masturbation can harness fantasies and sexual energy. When prolonged, it can stimulate and extend pleasure. When fantasies are focused into making love with Christ, the experience opens itself to a fundamental and profound consciousness of God. My visualizations of Jesus were certainly explicit, erotically envisioning various forms of making love to Jesus the Christ. I had sexual intercourse with Jesus. Sometimes he was the top, and sometimes he was the bottom. My relationship with Christ was mutual and deep."

Every time I investigate some seemingly beautiful path toward gay liberation theology, I run across statements, claims, interpretations and suggestions that quicken my spirit with caution. When I read a passage like this one, I hesitate. I run into roadblocks that give me pause. I ask myself. Does this look like the Jesus of the Bible? Does this nourish the peace that the Holy Spirit produces in my soul?

My answer is no.

Lead Them Home focuses on nourishing faith in LGBT people; honoring gay Christians as our brothers and sisters in Christ; enhancing their welcome and inclusion within the evangelical church; and battling against bullying and gay teen suicide. That is the 99.5% of our work. Yet when it comes to who Jesus is, I honor HIM as the ultimate resource of biblical truth.

Goss offers a sexually charged route to biblical interpretation, but this is not the Jesus of the Bible. I have no criticism of Evangelicals Concerned, and I support their efforts to create paths to Christ for many LGBT people who have been deeply wounded by faith communities like yours and mine. Yet I do pose a question: do you really believe that Goss represents a sound understanding of Jesus?

This is not a debate. I accept whatever answer Evangelicals Concerned might offer. If they stand by Goss' sexualized account of Jesus, that would be valuable information to know.

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Surrender: My Journey Toward Christ

2012-01-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

Below is a link to my faith story shared on January 22, 2012 at North River Community Church in Pembroke, MA. As many of you know, I do not make this ministry about "my story." Rather, 99.5% of my focus has always been and will continue to be equipping the evangelical church to respond with greater Christlikeness to those who identify as LGBT and those who struggle with SSA. With that said, it is a great joy and privilege to share how God encountered me at each step in my life. I wanted to share this, because many people often ask me for a recent audio of my faith story. For those interested, here it is. God bless, Bill

http://northriverchurch.org/index.php?option=com_docman&Itemid=13

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Posture Shift: North River 1/21/2012

2012-01-18T19:12:00.002-05:00

I look forward to presenting Lead Them Home's Posture Shift seminar this Saturday from 9:00 am to 12 noon at North River Community Church in Pembroke, MA. This event is designed to equip church leaders and whole congregations for more effective outreach to and pastoral care of LGBT/SSA persons. Join us!

My Christmas Post: "Come Home"

2011-12-20T22:18:00.000-05:00

When I hear of families who will not welcome LGBT loved ones home, it grieves my heart. I must stress that most evangelical families are very loving. Yet even for them, they can worry about violating the scriptures. For this reason, my "Christmas Post" offers a biblical basis for welcoming gay loved ones home.

But first, a troubling question. Do we ever worry about inviting any other loved ones home? The answer is no! Our fears nearly always are about gay loved ones. I find myself asking: why aren't we bothered by porn user loved ones? Statistically speaking, it is because we are not so bothered by ourselves.

Our problem is this: we look for the sins we don't struggle with and develop a moral high ground that tempts us into judgment. I guess you could say that - like porn - judgment is addictive. Watch out! Actually, that is exactly what Jesus said to the Pharisees. Watch out!

Since ancient times, exclusion has been the judgment tool of choice. In comes Jesus with a stark message we find in Matthew 7:1-2. He WARNS (not the "gentle" Jesus we imagine) that we will receive the same measure that we offer others. If we refuse mercy; if we express judgment through exclusion; if we view others as particularly vile; then all the born again claims in the world will not rescue us from God's wrath.

In Romans 2:1-4, the Apostle Paul expands this teaching in a plea: "Or do you show contempt for the riches of God's kindness, tolerance and patience not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance." Paul reminds us that "we do the same things." Our problem, then, is that we do not allow some people to draw near to Jesus-in-us. We exclude them thinking we are holy, but there is a hole in our thinking.

I think this is why Jesus tends to talk not about external holiness but inner kingdom fruitfulness. In John 15, He says that a "good" tree is known by its' "good" fruit. In this extended passage, Jesus hammers away at religion by stressing that faith is not achieved by a religious standard - much less layering upon others a standard that we ourselves are unable to attain. To the contrary, kingdom fruitfulness is nothing more - and nothing less - than allowing Christ to fill us and spill from us as we engage others. To take Him in and not breath Him out is false religion. Jesus says false or fruitless trees will be torn to pieces and burned. Yikes!

With all this in mind, I tend to fear being guilty of "religion" much more than I fear my sins. I do not want to minimize either - we need to repent - but repentance of sin should never be followed by judgment of others that fail to do likewise. Rather, we should allow Christ's salvation within us to be expressed as a radical extension of "God's kindness that led us to repentance." Why repent myself of very difficult sins to overcome only to then be found guilty of the judgment that God just spared me from? This is neither wise - nor safe!

Surely we will fail. Just as we sin, we will unintentionally judge others at times. When this happens, we must admit this and then adjust our actions, attitudes and words. This is not the danger we face: we get in trouble with Jesus when we allow a continual attitude of judgment to harden our hearts against others. When those who have been "forgiven much" withhold God's "kindness, patience, and tolerance" from others, Jesus says we become ungrateful (or even wicked) servants. These warnings keep being directed at us! Watch out...

When this really sinks in, a new insight sprouts inside my heart. I begin to celebrate that Jesus welcomes sinners, because He dearly loves them and knows their need for salvation. This realization flowers a new humility in which I realize my own impurities and the religious games I attempt to play. I need mercy.

We are left with a simple question: which "Jesus" bleeds out of us? The Jesus who invites loved ones home? Or the spirit of Pharisee who demands others to clean up before they come? The only time we are ever called to flee from or expel sinners is when we - or others - are tempted to join them. Otherwise, we are called to reflect Jesus-in-us to this world as it is - and to sinners as they are.

The only hope for any of us is that the Holy Spirit will invade our hearts and cause us to be renewed through washing, repentance and spiritual surrender. People do not achieve this. It is the gift of God, so that no man may boast. We cannot coerce this salvation experience to occur in others' lives: we can only reflect the One who has come to dwell inside us.

Grateful servants who have experienced the miraculous arrival of Christ are all too ready to welcome anyone - especially loved ones! - home for the holidays. First, because we love as Christ has loved us. Second, because we love as a parent or sibling naturally is made to love. And third, because we know that we have been forgiven much.

This Christmas, may your loved one come home and encounter the radiant beauty of Jesus Christ living fruitfully inside you. This is more powerful - oh, and more biblical - than exclusion ever will be. Amen.

Please consider helping us with a year-end gift to propel our ministry into 2012. Thanks for your prayers and support throughout the year. Merry Christmas!

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2011: Year-End Newsletter Part 2

2011-12-13T10:37:00.003-05:00

Read Part 1 of an overview of our 2011 ministry news.

“The Church That Saves Lives” mobilizes evangelicals to combat bullying and prevent gay teen suicide. Our November 15th event was attended by dozens of church leaders, counselors and parents of gay teens. I was pleased to have representatives of PFLAG Boston in attendance as well. Collaboration with LGBT leaders on these two critical issues is needed. We must work together to save young lives.

What does it look like to “save lives?” Meet Tim, a 21-year old college student from the Midwest. As my family took down Christmas ornaments in early 2011, Tim called me via referral. He had just survived his second suicide attempt in 6 months. Tim had many difficult questions, but what he needed most was love, acceptance and support.

Tim’s professional care covered him just a few hours per week. While I am not recommending an untrained person to play counselor, I am asking us – as representatives of the church of Jesus Christ – a very important question: “what happens after Tim receives professional care during the remaining 95% of his week?” He needs a Sustainable Support Network (or SSN) that includes pastors, counselors, mentors, peers – and family.

In Tim’s case, his father is distant and incapable of providing emotional support. His mother is busy raising younger siblings and working to put food on the table. Sadly, Tim’s family situation leaves a gaping hole in his SSN increasing his vulnerability to additional suicide attempts. Tangible care means that we ask: who will step up?

Many church leaders have homosexuality in a theological box. When I say that, some will think I am pro-gay. That is not the case. What I mean is that they engage gay people on the basis of doctrine rather than tangible care. We might be tempted to view Tim as the guy who needs repentance and miss the reality that low support raises suicidality. Thankfully, a local church leader has been a surrogate father to Tim. It turns out that Willard lost his own father as a boy, and understands some of Tim’s pain. Willard sees that Tim has REAL support needs.

My church promotes mentorship and spiritual direction, but I am responsible for finding others to serve these roles in my life. With suicidal persons, they often lack the energy to conduct this search and do not handle rejection well. Willard’s role, then, becomes critical for Tim. He is “the” local leader who can help Tim enhance his SSN. Over the next months, Willard worked with Tim’s church. I worked with Willard, Tim’s mom, his roommates and a campus ministry leader to increase his support. Over time, Tim began doing this on his own.

At times, Tim needed a pastor; other times, a father; and still other times, a counselor, mentor or friend. You know there is hope when Tim laughs! Sometimes, he just needs a comedian. In everything, Tim needs to see (in us) and hear (through us) “the still, small voice” of God. We must get over any discomfort with homosexuality, silence our attempts to fix, and simply listen. Tim will give us clues as to what he needs if we will listen well.

As summer approached, Tim’s anger surfaced and he decided to leave God and the church. I told him: “Wherever you go, God will be with you. And Tim, I am here for you - no matter what.” This is what Christ has done and continues to do for us. Tim needs to know that God will never let go. We must avoid condemnation and rejection.

After a few months, Tim circled back to the Cross. He told me: “Bill, I finally realize that the reason I cannot be in a gay relationship is not because of the church: or the pastors who have hurt me; or those who judge and reject me. The reason is simply that God will not give me spiritual peace in that place. I am learning to accept this.”

Did I jump at his theological correctness with a grand celebration? No. The factors driving Tim toward a same-gender relationship are still present. He needs assurance, so I simply said: “Tim, whether you run, hide, lash out or give up, Jesus never gives up on you. He is your Heavenly Father who beckons, ‘Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest for your soul.’ Tim, you don’t have to run away. You can run to him.”

Today, Tim faces difficulties but he is stronger as Christmas approaches. Tim says, “Lead Them Home is the most positive example of hope and encouragement that I have ever seen inside the Christian Church. Bill is neither apathetic nor disengaging. Through persistent interactions with me, I am honestly looking more into Christianity as the way of truth and life. As far as the church goes, that will take time. There are many wounds.” SDG

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2011: Year-End Newsletter Part 1

2011-12-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

I hope your year is winding down to a joy-filled Christmas pause. On behalf of our directors, I want to extend our sincere gratitude to the church and ministry leaders who trusted us to serve them - as well as each individual, family and church that supported our ministry with prayers and financial gifts. We thank you for your continued commitment in the midst of challenging economic times. We pray that you are seeing the fruit of the Kingdom in our service to you.

I invite those in Greater Boston to our next Posture Shift seminar at North River Community Church in Pembroke (MA) on January 21^st. This event will equip you for effective outreach to and pastoral care of LGBT and SSA persons.

Please help propel us into 2012 with a year-end gift. Thanks for your support!

In Christ,

Bill J. Henson, Jr.

Founder and President

Glimpses of 2011

Our year kicked off with a 4-week teaching series at Grace Chapel (Lexington, MA) called “January Jolt.” This series yielded robust participation and affirmed the hunger among evangelicals to get Jesus right for LGBT loved ones.

Throughout the year, I consulted pastoral teams on a range of issues from how to care for gay teens to sermon design and content. The post-culture war silence on homosexuality has not been healthy. Church leaders are now returning to the topic – notably, with increased sensitivity for effective outreach and pastoral care. It is a joy to prove that radical care does not have to threaten moral truth.

One of the most exciting events of 2011 was our Posture Shift seminar at Houston Chinese Church (HCC) in Houston, TX. Homosexuality can be a difficult topic for many ethnic churches. However, our changing culture is driving a much higher need for these churches to get equipped. We saw this rise occur in 2011.

The HCC pastoral team courageously invited their congregation and area Chinese pastors. Over 150 people attended. Near the end, Pastor F. invited young adults who struggle with sexuality and gender to privately meet with us. He said he wanted them to know they have spiritual support in their home church. Several young men responded and opened their hearts to “their” pastor. HCC deserves top honors for “living out” the Posture Shift teaching.

Please join me for Posture Shift at North River Community Church in Pembroke, MA on January 21, 2012! Simply email bjhenson@gmail.com to attend.

Church Leaders: Request our PDF brochure to learn about Posture Shift 2012

Go to PART 2 featuring the inspiring story of Tim's battle against suicide and his search for faith.

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ALERT! New Suicide Prevention Tool

2011-11-15T14:06:00.001-05:00

Lead Them Home is pleased to launch our ALERT! bullying and suicide prevention tool. This 5-step program is designed to help church and campus ministry leaders prevent and respond to anti-gay bullying and gay teen suicide. This tool will help staff, lay leaders and volunteers to:

Assess Suicidal Inclination.

Learn About Risk Factors.

Evaluate Support System.

Reveal Christ's Presence.

Train Families and Faith Communities.

Founder Bill Henson will unveil ALERT! at Lead Them Home's November 15th bullying and suicide prevention program, The Church That Saves Lives. To advance order this new tool, contact us for details.

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The Adult Bullies Keep Surfacing

2011-11-14T12:13:00.001-05:00

When a Missouri student recently sought to educate his Facebook friends on the tragedy of gay teen suicide, one of his teachers chastised him by posting a comment mocking his concerns. In frustration, the student confronted his teacher with the following post: "How many more kids have to kill themselves before everyone realizes this is an issue?" The teacher posted: "11-13 ought to do it. Somewhere in that vicinity." Once confronted, the teacher apologized, claimed he was unsure how his remarks ended up on Facebook, and refused to answer further questions. He continues to teach. When such people's inner thoughts are mysteriously being posted by Facebook, it must be a conspiracy!

When a Wyoming high school football coach recently issued a mock bullying survey called the "Hurt Feelings Report," he was removed as high school coach and reassigned to the position of "guidance counselor." Administration officials claimed they wanted to move him into an area where he can do his best work. Below is a sample of the coach's mock survey in which bullied students can check off whether they are "queer," "have woman like hormones," "am a pussy," or a number of other insensitive options. I am left asking myself just one question: what exactly are his guidance counseling talents?

The thing I appreciate about the Clint McCance case (2010) is that he absorbed the full weight of his atrocious comments on Facebook by appearing in front of a national AC360 audience to express remorse and resign from his school board position. I cannot minimize his hurtful words, but at least he accepted responsibility for how dangerous his words were to young people.

People are not perfect, but when mistakes are made it is always best to accept full responsibility. As I prepare on the eve of our gay teen suicide prevention event, The Church That Saves Lives, I am reminded of how important it is that we keep surfacing the stories of adult bullies who think it's comedy to harass gay teens. Insensitive words and actions really do hurt.

There is nothing funny about teasing teens over sexuality - or their weight - or any other issue. Join us for a great event tomorrow night in Greater Boston.

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Suicide Prevention Event 11.15.11

2011-10-07T13:01:00.001-04:00

Announcing Lead Them Home's special event, The Church That Saves Lives: What You Can Do To Prevent Bullying and Gay Teen Suicide. Tuesday, November 15, 2011. 7:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Metro-West Boston. RSVP to attend this event. Designed to equip evangelical pastors, elders, lay/youth leaders, campus ministry staff/leaders and parents. All are welcome. Please share this event with the evangelical community throughout New England. Join us.

The Danger of Online Support

2011-09-21T22:15:00.000-04:00

I have previously commented that we as adults must be proactive and cautious about how LGBTQ teens receive support when they are vulnerable. The tragic death of 14-year old Jamey Rodemeyer from Buffalo, NY simply adds weight to this warning. He took his life earlier this week.

Jamie posted a testimonial video on the "It Gets Better" website. He ended up being horrendously harassed by online bullies. The purpose of the "It Gets Better" project is good - to provide a 24-hour online support resource where adults can encourage LGBTQ teens struggling with suicide. No doubt, thousands of such teens have been cared for well by this project.

My concern is not with "It Gets Better." My concern is for ANY person - teen or adult - who is suicidal and posting open forum comments, stories or video testimonies about their private lives online. When it comes to an LGBT suicidal teen, my concern rises 100 fold simply because their lives are already so vulnerable. They often cannot withstand any additional stress.

Jamie was active on Formspring, a social networking site for adolescents. He received hateful messages like this: "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND UGLY. HE MUST DIE!” And this: “I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!” These kinds of attacks are apparently quite common on Formspring. Parents beware.

Jamie just started high school three weeks ago. During Suicide Prevention Week, he posted online this message: "No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you're the ones calling me [gay slur] and tearing me down. I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me?" It is clear that school bullying increased his stress load.

People assume that the support of counselors, family and friends will counter the weight of online and school bullying. This can certainly help, but in some cases the support that is received away from these venues has little impact in taking away the pain of enduring the abuse in such venues. The abuse in these venues, then, but be stopped - or avoided.

I realize that most teens will have an online presence in our world today. Yet the tragedy of Jamey's death reminds us that IT IS BETTER for LGBTQ teens who are suicidal to NOT seek support in online open forums. It is best to receive live support, real-time, from face-to-face interactions with parents, teachers, administrators, counselors, pastors and friends. This support saves lives.

Dan Savage, founder of the It Gets Better project, responded to Jamey's death with the following statement: "The point of the It Gets Better project is to give kids like Jamey Rodemeyer hope for their futures. But sometimes hope isn't enough." Without criticizing Savage, I prefer to put it this way: online forums can steal hope from 14-year old teens who are vulnerable to suicide.

Young people, protect yourselves: go to real people for real support, and avoid hostile venues that threaten your emotional health. Parents, provide oversight: some online limits are necessary. Bullies, feel your shame: your words and actions actually cause others to die. Your surrogate form of murder is REAL murder. Everyone: let us not assume the Jamey's of our world are ok. Let us spend time with them, serve them and stand up to protect them - yes, 24-hours a day if that is what it takes.

God, provide rest for Jamey's soul in your eternal kingdom. Comfort his parents, extended family and friends who loved him dearly. Penetrate the hearts of those who bully. In Christ's name, amen.

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The Implications of Neutrality Part 2

2011-09-08T15:40:00.000-04:00

This post is the second part of a follow-up to "Red Light! Green Light!" Click here to read Part 1. These messages are addressed to evangelical church leaders - not lay persons, young adults or youth wrestling over faith and sexuality. Everyone is welcome to listen and offer feedback.

An evangelical pastor recently asked his congregation this question: must everyone have a strong opinion about homosexuality? By strong, I assume that he meant judgmental, mean-spirited or biased. I might ask a slightly different question: does a strong belief about scriptural teachings on homosexuality necessarily mean one is mean-spirited? Is it possible to have a strong opinion without falling prey to the dangers of bias and judgment we find in Matthew 7:1-2 and Romans 2:1-4?

I want to honor and protect this pastor, because I have sincere respect for him and have not had the opportunity to ask him directly about his position. That said, I certainly heard from many people who struggle with SSA both in and beyond his congregation. In every case, young people felt that this pastor was distancing God and the Bible away from historic teachings on homosexuality. Some felt he was going so far as to question the validity or the scriptural basis of their personal repentance and conversion.

One young man who wrestles with SSA put it this way: "His message made me feel that I might have misunderstood God at the very point that I surrendered my whole life to Him." Whoa! That's a powerful statement, and one that demands delicate care. For the record, I fully trust that this pastor would never intentionally want to question or unwind the work of the Holy Spirit in anyone's life.

As I pondered this - for weeks - I realized that one of the foundational mistakes of the ex-gay movement has been to market former (or non-practicing) homosexual persons as strong believers who can withstand any degree of spiritual stress. That is the image that often comes across. At some point, church leaders just assume that SSA strugglers are tough enough. "They've got Jesus," we say, "good for them. They'll be fine."

But! What if they - what if we - are actually not so strong? What if we are actually quite weak?

You see, I encounter too many young adults, college students and teens who have resisted - or are attempting to stop - acting on SSA. There is freedom in Christ that can produce peace, but getting there can involve deep soul-searching, painful questions about biblical truth and heartrending decisions about leaving a cherished partner (or giving up the dream of finding one). This can be a battle that tires the soul. I must add that most of these young people will continue to experience ongoing SSA in their lives.

They sense deep conviction that they cannot act on romantic inclinations toward someone of the same gender. They accepted Jesus years ago. They love him with their whole heart, soul, strength and mind. Yet Jesus encouraged us to seek fellowship within the body of Christ for what purpose? To encourage and strengthen one another, of course. And they need a special dose of strengthening for the challenges they face.

We all face our own battles against the flesh. The spirit is willing, but the flesh (which includes the mind) is weak. Thus, we understand that conviction about biblical truth and submission to it can become a difficult battle when the flesh is lonesome for affection.

My point is this: it takes "the Body" to help individual believers stand strong against the weaknesses of our flesh. One of the young men who contacted me described his weakness this way: "Being held by a guy and looking into his eyes and knowing that I love him and he loves me...it feels so good and right to imagine that becoming a reality in my life except for one thing: my conviction that God's Word says what it says. But Bill, if seminary-trained evangelical pastors are not so sure what the Bible says, why should I?"

This brings to the surface one of the most critical implications of neutrality. Whether intended or not, it does have the effect of weakening the spirit and leaving strugglers prone to giving in to fleshly hungers. Thus, it is incumbent upon us as leaders to make sure that we are thoughtful in how we guide and care for those who struggle with SSA. "You've got Jesus, good for you," may not give them what they need.

The lesson is this: if we cannot offer a kind, compassionate and clear explanation of our beliefs on sexual morality, we may unintentionally play a role in deconstructing the work of repentance in the lives of Christ followers. When we do this, we risk working against the Holy Spirit. That is dangerous business.

To be clear: we want to avoid exclusionary postures that leave LGBT people turned away from Christ, while also avoiding uncertainty that can unwind the work of the Holy Spirit in SSA strugglers' lives. When evangelical leaders communicate beliefs that seem to imply an untenable neutrality, I think what most are truly seeking is not a neutral position but a "balanced" Gospel message that accomplishes both of these goals.

Can we accomplish both of these goals? I believe we can for I know of no other Gospel than the one which never loses compassion and love as it seeks to uphold biblical truth (and vice versa). Amen.

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The Implications of Neutrality Part 1

2011-09-01T16:25:00.000-04:00

This post is a long over-due follow-up to "Red Light! Green Light!" It is addressed to evangelical church leaders - not lay persons, young adults or youth wrestling over faith and sexuality. Everyone is welcome to listen and offer feedback.

When evangelical leaders take a position of neutrality on the issue of homosexuality, several consequences follow. It is important to begin by stating that neutrality necessarily means something. It literally means: we are neither for nor against expressions of same-gender romantic love. Or maybe it means: we are both for and against such love. As you can see, neutrality is...confusing. What does it actually mean?

Neutrality can mean (or yield) pro-gay belief via the impact of two contagious forces. First, research shows that the top reason why people switch their belief on gay relationships is because they know someone who is gay. Uncertainty among church leaders, then, accelerates this shift that already naturally occurs. Second, uncertainty adds fuel to the social justice engine that seeks to remove biases against LGBT people in the church. While this is a needed work (which my ministry is highly commited to), left unguided this call for a level playing field at the foot of the Cross can turn into moral compromise.

The lesson is simple and clear: beliefs begin to change when leaders are uncertain about biblical morality.

Simultaneously, neutrality can mean (or take the form of) an anti-gay position. To illustrate this, the Apostle Paul taught that it is better to marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9). Why then would a neutral church leader not support gay marriage? Yet the ones I run across say things like, "We'll think about that later." Later? So many people are waiting right now, and they can enter sanctified marriages with your help.

The lesson is this: if same-gender relationships are moral, it is odd to hesitate supporting gay marriage.

When you consider the intellectual and spiritual flaws of a neutral position, maybe these evangelicals leaders are not really neutral. Possibly they hold to a prohibitive - or affirmative - view on homosexuality, but they are withholding their true belief for unstated reasons. For example, an evangelical pastor who has become pro-gay may believe his congregation or denomination is not quite ready for his disclosure. Or possibly a leader fears that discussing biblical truth will push seekers away from Jesus Christ.

In no way am I criticizing the heart intentions of those proclaiming neutrality. I am spiritually, intellectually, and theologically thinking about what neutrality looks like - and whether it actually exists. There are other implications and lessons that flow from neutrality on homosexuality. Join me next time to learn more.

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Gay Teen Suicide Prevention Seminar

2011-08-25T21:49:00.000-04:00

Lead Them Home is pleased to announce our second Gay Teen Suicide Prevention Seminar for the Greater Boston evangelical community on Tuesday, November 15th, from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm. Many leave the issue of LGBT teen suicide to the gay community assuming that we could never care for youth vulnerable to self-hatred and hopelessness. This simply is not true. Every evangelical church will want to attend this critical seminar to enhance your ability to care well for gay youth in your congregations. More details will be announced in early October. We invite you to RSVP early. This is a FREE event.

Speaking at Rumney Bible Conference

2011-08-25T21:40:00.000-04:00

This weekend, I will share two messages - "Biblical Truth on Homosexuality" and "Biblical Love for LGBTQ People" - at Tremont Temple's Students and Young Professionals Retreat at Rumney Bible Conference in Rumney, NH. Also speaking: Patrick Smith, Assistant Professor of Theology and Philosophy, at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. This is a private event. For those in attendance who want paper-free notes (the only kind I offer), simply email me to request a copy of my presentation.

Red Light! Green Light!

2011-08-10T12:18:00.001-04:00

When a small but growing segment of the evangelical church suddenly announces it is pro-gay or neutral on homosexuality, something is happening that needs further evaluation. Even in the midst of a rising social justice generation passionately seeking to do good, this is a huge leap from orthodoxy.

This "movement" in belief is likely connected to another trend. Studies confirm that the number one reason why people change their belief on homosexuality is because they know someone who is gay. Is this what is happening in the theological shifts we are beginning to see in the evangelical church? Maybe so. If so, how does this happen?

There seems to be a "binary" (on/off) switch built into our system designed to protect us physically, emotionally and spiritually. This switch emits impulses - on/off, light/dark, fight/flight, good/bad, red (stop)/green (go), right/wrong and the like. As Christians, we also have a binary switch between "the flesh" and "the spirit." The Bible and the Holy Spirit become sources through which we navigate spiritual dangers in life. Much of this danger resides within us, by the way.

One of Christianity's historic (and most dangerous) weaknesses is to flip this switch designed to help us avoid sin to a position where our internal gearings align against people. We switch from having a belief that certain actions are sinful to a position where we operate against those who engage in such actions. We use the natural switch designed to keep us from sin and turn it against people who sin in ways we do not.

Suddenly, we exclude people on the basis of how they sin. "You cannot be a member because you are involved in homosexuality - and worse, you think it is ok." Yet divorced and remarried folks (who think it is ok) and those involved in pornography (who act like it is ok by the way they repeat it) are included because we are accustomed to an allowance for heterosexual messiness.

Over time, though, our biases get revealed. With the social justice generation now emerging, a new crop of believers and church leaders see the injustice of our blind spots against LGBT people. What will these church leaders do to right our longstanding wrongs?

In our binary minds, the only alternative is to flip the switch into the OFF position. The experience works something like this: "We have totally left people feeling judged. We excluded gay people from the church. We did not notice when gay teens died of suicide due to long-term bullying in schools where we fought against anti-bullying programs. We did not even go stand with the gay community when Fred Phelps came to town. We actually fought against their access to health care. We have not respected gay people nor reflected Christ's heart for them. Something has to change."

Whoa. There is a lot of energy tied into the heart that seeks to bring justice to this situation. Trust me, I feel it inside me - it is the very reason why I left the corporate world to start this ministry. So to those evangelicals who are becoming neutral or pro-gay, I do not condemn you one bit. In fact, I celebrate this one thing: that we both share an intense passion to do the right thing; to get the Gospel right.

My caution is simply this: we do a disservice to the Gospel if the only way we know how to accept people is to change our beliefs. I find it unhealthy that we have historically treated those with different beliefs very poorly. I find it equally concerning that beliefs have to become neutral or switch entirely before we can get the Gospel right and bring justice to our wrongs.

My point is this: if blind spots existed when the binary switch was turned to intolerance, it is equally probable that there will be blind spots when we operate in the new tolerance called neutrality. I believe that a more authentic and powerful expression of the Gospel involves us radically loving, caring for, including, involving, listening to, understanding and walking over the long haul with those who believe differently on this matter. Is that not what Jesus did? Is that not what He does for all of us?

To more traditional or conservative evangelicals, we need to ask ourselves this question: are we without sin? No? Yet Jesus is still walking with us? Will he only do that for us? Will he NOT do it for those who sin in ways we do not?

We have engaged gay people with a huge "red light" for too many years. I don't think that a "green light" has to turn acceptance into approval - or theological uncertainty. I am attempting to present an alternative to both of these options. Thanks for listening.

In my next post, I will summarize a list of implications that arise from the theological shifts that are emerging within segments of the evangelical church today. Please join me and contribute your thoughts. Just a reminder: please refrain from naming, criticizing or trashing others. This conversation will be much more productive if we prove that differences can be handled within a spirit of peace.

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Passionate Ambiguity: Hip and Cool

2011-08-04T13:58:00.001-04:00

Roughly two years ago, I spoke at a national conference. Another speaker described biblical theology on homosexuality as a tough call between two good views. He shared how one can go about reading both viewpoints to arrive at a personal decision on what to believe. The one thing he did not do is clarify his own beliefs. It was ambiguity painted beautifully to perfection.

I walked away from this experience with new passion. I decided: for the sake of the Gospel - specifically, not pushing LGBT people away from Jesus - I am going to go ambiguous! I never actually experienced ambiguity in my own biblical convictions - I simply decided to avoid theological questions in order to focus on effective relational witness to LGBT people. This was an important decision, because LGBT people are in every audience I encounter. My job would now be...easier!

At my next speaking event, I carefully pushed away the theology questions and stressed the importance of getting our reflection of Jesus right. I followed the pattern that I had witnessed, dodging theological clarity with mental agility. I was excited about all this until the ministry leader contacted me a short while later: "Bill, you were more than a bit vague and unresponsive to what I consider to be very direct questions." He kindly asked: "Why is that?"

Immediately, I was humbled. I never want to leave my audience with the impression that I am evasive or unwilling to answer difficult questions. I had given my best shot at passionate ambiguity, and the experiment miserably failed. Thankfully, this leader gave me an opportunity to submit written answers to the most controversial questions asked that evening. I responded with concise and clear answers. He and his ministry team extended grace and gratitude for my willingness to clean-up my own mess.

The trouble for me? I was now committed to giving clear answers to the most difficult questions no matter where I speak. Yikes! That is at odds with what is now a growing movement within evangelicalism to pioneer a new acceptance for theological uncertainty. The basic tenet of this new approach is as follows: "the texts are too difficult to understand" - or "there are too many valid interpretations of the biblical texts - so many that we no longer know what to believe."

Another branch of this movement is more deceptive: "we all know what the bible really says about homosexuality, but let's be quiet and not talk about it because it really ticks gay people off." That is no criticism of LGBT people who get frustrated. In deciding to be clear about my beliefs in a world that is increasingly rewarding uncertainty, I never once felt less respectful of my LGBT friends. To the contrary, this situation - that initially felt like a trap - forced me to face the most difficult questions surrounding how I can be a good spiritual friend to those who hold beliefs different than my own.

The result was revolutionary. I found that the Gospel has so much more power when it is honest and clear, but cut-to-the-heart real and compassionate and tolerant and respectful. This freedom propelled me into establishing much deeper and authentic spiritual relationships with my LGBT friends and those who stumble across my ministry. My fears and hang-ups about our differences melted away.

This discovery honed my message to evangelicals: the onus is on us to prove that we can radically love LGBT family and friends. There is no longer any excuse for an un-level playing field at the foot of the Cross. Jesus died for all of us, and those who need the covering of his blood are in absolutely no position to determine who is in - and who is out.

New doors opened for my ministry. I began consulting pastoral teams and training licensed Christian counseling teams on effective care of both those who experience SSA and those who identify as LGBT. One thing became clear: their stories no longer have to be pitted against one another. These two groups come to different conclusions, but we share so many common personal experiences.

I will never trade the joy of discovering that biblical orthodoxy never denigrates the value of people; and attributing value to people never has to lead to theological collapse. It may not be hip and cool, but my passionate ambiguity has been transformed into a passionate certainty in both the reliability of God's truth and the palpable reality of His great love for all people.

Join me again next time as I share more insights about this discovery. As I mentioned in my prior post, I will not name names or blame others. I will share the lessons I have learned from my own mistakes. I enthusiastically invite you to share your feedback below, but please do not use my blog to trash or criticize others. Trash me if you need to - that is perfectly acceptable. Until next time, may Christ's love reign and conquer our whole hearts into holy surrender. Amen.

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The Trouble With Walls

2011-08-02T15:26:00.003-04:00

People have been building walls since the beginning of time: to protect property, livestock, and entire cities. There are other kinds of walls. Emotional walls to shield against relational wounds. Mental walls to block out painful memories. Spiritual walls to protect against hurtful religion - or to hide from God. Some walls are designed to exclude others from coming inside. Keep Out, they seem to say.

One of the greatest challenges facing the evangelical church is how to cultivate a welcome of LGBT people in our midst while conveying assurance that our theology remains sounds. Some sadly think that any kindness toward LGBT people is a crack in the armor of Christian orthodoxy. Some LGBT people think that any measure of Christian orthodoxy necessarily means that there is NO welcome.

No doubt: there is a natural tension between welcome and protection. The right balance is something that good people will differ on. Recognizing this does not solve the problem: it only makes the problem more tangibly complex. It might be tempting to just avoid this tension altogether. As the social justice generation continues to emerge, avoidance will become increasingly difficult. Striking the right balance, then, is both necessary - and terrifically challenging.

Most evangelical leaders I encounter sincerely desire to cultivate an everyone is welcome atmosphere in their churches. Some LGBT people describe this attempt as signage platitude: they report the actual welcome being a tad bit cooler than the one advertised. Some evangelical leaders concede that the welcome they can offer will not be acceptable to every LGBT person.

Against this backdrop of perceived - and real - walls that to one degree or another exclude LGBT people, a few evangelical leaders are attempting to pioneer a new kind of welcome. Some of the most notable examples involve some degree of theological shift. A small few have become pro-gay in their theology. A small few others have become sufficiently ambiguous as to convey hints of a possible theological shift in the future. This shifting - and ambiguity - play directly into the evangelical fear that kindness toward LGBT people necessarily evolves into theological collapse.

Must orthodoxy collapse in order to offer a spiritually nourishing welcome to LGBT people? Must evangelicalism repeat the slow divide that has torn at mainline denominations over the past several decades? Or is there a way to cultivate a more hospitable welcome while maintaining orthodoxy?

Getting the balance right will be uncomfortable for both evangelicals and LGBT folks. Will we humbly discuss the challenge of this balance in ways that build one another up? Or will we divide evangelicalism via an internal culture war?

The trouble with walls is that people are always trying to build them while others are trying to tear them down. Our goal, then, should be to preserve ancient walls of orthodoxy while opening new gateways by which LGBT people can encounter the Living Christ in our faith communities. Mistakes are sure to crop up along the way. Instead of naming names and blaming others, I think the most appropriate - and scary - thing to do is share my own mistakes. I will do just that next time.

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Two Things Jesus Never Does

2011-07-14T09:51:00.129-04:00

Why am I shocked that Jesus gets the Gospel so right? After all, he is the Gospel. The shock must originate in me: in how far off "my" version of the Gospel is from His. I am prone to get it wrong: either I am too lenient or too legalistic. Jesus never does this. He always gets it right. He shocks me.

There is no story that elicits this shock more than the one where the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. They said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?"

They were attempting to trap him. He had elsewhere claimed, "I did not come to destroy the law. Until heaven and earth pass away, not a dot will pass from the Law." Now they had him...

Instead of caving in the face of this implied threat that could (and ultimately did) subject him to death, Jesus said nothing. He "bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger." This is classic peaceful resistance to the threat of violence: just wiggle a finger in the sand. Impressive, eh?

The scriptures say "they kept on questioning him." Jesus finally stood up and said to them: "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then, he bent back down and continued to write in the sand. "At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time...until only Jesus was left with the woman still standing there." This was an ultimate "but what about you" moment. In light of their own sins, the Pharisees had no reason to keep pressing for the Law.

I imagine myself in the place of this woman. Like a dead man walking, I was waiting for the hailstorm of bludgeoning rocks. Now the rocks are on the ground and the throwers have all walked away. Jesus has just delivered me. Here I am staring at Jesus with a strange blend of fear, shock and confusion.

"Why did he do that," I ask myself. Did He clear them out to stone me in dignified privacy? Just me and my Judge? I see Jesus stand up and turn towards me. His eyes are now staring right into mine. Somehow, I know that He knows the truth about me. He knows what I've done. There is no getting around it: I can no longer claim ignorance - or innocence. He knows.

I cannot take my eyes off him as much as I want to. Suddenly, a strange calm fills my heart. I sense that He is just - whatever He might do. Jesus finally asks: "Where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," I respond.

"Then neither do I condemn you," he declares.

Most of us look at this story as an outside observer. We do not want to be the Pharisee. Likewise, we do not want to be the one religious people target. We depersonalize this story, because we want it to be about someone else. Or rather, we want parts of the story to be about others.

We want to be the one Jesus rescues; the one he likes; or the one he approves of. We want to be delivered from harsh religion. We do not, however, want to deal with Jesus regarding our sin. We want to keep our sin - and claim Christ's protection in it. He comes to us with the power to stone us and offers us grace. Like an orphan, we grab the candy and run. We miss out on a deeper deliverance (and relationship) that God intends.

None of us are immune to this. We all want grace with no - or minimal - cost. The problem is that there may not be much grace given where the cost is low. Grace is amazing only because we so desperately need it! If we do not desperately need it, we probably don't really want it either.

As Jesus develops a relationship with us, proves that He is for - not against - us, and demonstrates that He will protect us from those who judge and condemn us, He then disturbs our comfort. With deep love, he stares right into our eyes and says, "Go now and leave your life of sin."

"What? Jesus, I thought you were FOR me!," we mumble.

The sad reality of the human heart is that we all too often receive grace and then turn against God. Recall the parable of the man in debt who was forgiven and released from prison only to go choke another man who was in debt to him. We do this. We want release from judgment. We do not, however, easily let go of our will. God gives grace freely. We take it and then turn around and rob Him.

There are two things Jesus never does: he never abandons the law; and he never allows the law to be used as a basis for abandoning those who fall short of it. He will never allow others to condemn us, but he never allows us to rest comfortably in our sin. This is difficult to accept. We crave one; but despise the other. No wonder it is so difficult to get the Gospel right. No wonder Jesus keeps shocking us.

UPCOMING: When a truth-centric church transitions to social justice, the Gospel begins to swing. While a shift in our posture is needed, the risk is that some will take it too far: a posture shift can easily become a theological shift.

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Feeling Bad: "Our" License to Sin

2011-07-05T11:41:00.001-04:00

We are most likely in violation of Christ's prohibition of judgment in Matthew 7 precisely at the point where we rely upon "right beliefs" to cover our own sinful behaviors while denying the validity of others' claim to the same beliefs due to their sinful behaviors.

Many conservative religious folks conclude that LGBT people cannot be Christian because of their sinful behavior. LGBT people who claim to have had a deep encounter with Christ are told that they are deceived because God does not bless this kind of "lifestyle." Yet those of us from this very same religious community will largely accept the reality of widespread internet porn use - all because we have the "right belief."

We possess the"right belief" of feeling bad about our sin. At some level, this is biblically accurate: that is to say, saved people mourn falling short of God's glory while those outside of Christ may not experience this kind of spiritual conviction. Yet at another level, the heavy reliance upon this right belief can become a medicating balm that allows us to continue sinning. At this point, the scriptures clearly suggest that we have turned grace into a license to sin - the very charge we have leveled against LGBT folks who claim to be Christian.

With internet porn use so prevalent in the conservative religious community today, I think we have to ask a serious question: have we crossed the line of turning grace into our license to sin? Are we protecting our addictive lifestyles by relying too heavily on the right belief of feeling bad?

The truest sense of feeling bad must ultimately translate into right behavior. We call this repentance. Behavior must shift to match belief; or the walk must shift to match the talk. Until then, it is very dangerous to establish whether others are Christian (or not) based upon whether they feel bad about the parts of their life that we call sin. For all too often, this tendency is abused to benefit the religious majority and condemn those outside our box. More to the point, we ignore Christ's stark warning: "with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)

"But what about them," some will protest. Are we not to hold them accountable to biblical truth? This kind of complaint is understandable yet when it is strained through Matthew 7, it always tends to echo back differently. The measure we try so hard to establish for others comes back to us as Jesus counters, "but what about you?" (and me!)

Importantly, coming to this realization does not water down moral theology. If anything, it simply shifts our focus upon the urgency of repentance from others...to ourselves. The only way to ever provide a map for others to follow is to first walk the pathway ourselves.

May each of us think hard about the call to surrender our entire lives to Christ. May each of us find our spiritual identity not in sexual orientation or spiritual superiority, but in Christ alone. May each of us humbly consider, "what about me?" Lord, what is there in my life that you are calling me to surrender to you? With this kind of focus on Christ, there is neither falling into judgment nor seeking license to sin. There is the one thing that is most needed on the pathway of redeemed living: whole-life surrender.

This is so challenging that it leaves NO room for me to focus on others' failures. When I focus instead on my failures, vulnerably share them with others, genuinely honor others' faith in Christ and posture myself to be a learner from others' Christian life experiences, I find that trust deepens and conversations turn away from debate and toward real questions about what it means to know and follow Jesus. These real questions do not target my LGBT friends - they apply to everyone! All of us have to figure out what to do with Jesus and the Bible. This involves how to handle sexuality in the context of biblical faith, but that's just one piece for Jesus wants all of our lives.

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The God of Banished Persons

2011-06-29T09:39:00.004-04:00

I recently went on a silent retreat at a monastery where I stumbled upon an unfamiliar bible passage referenced in Dean Merrill's book, "The God Who Never Lets Go." It reads: "Like water spilled on the ground which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him." 2 Samuel 14:14

No doubt some of us feel banished - by family, certain friends or the church. Some of us, however, possess an inherent and continual knack for banishing ourselves. We struggle to trust other people - or to accept how valuable we are. We retreat as a preemptive effort to avoid rejection. Others are convinced that God has banished them. Have you ever felt this way? I understand: me too.

Parents sometimes say to their children: "you need to accept your discipline." How often do children lose heart or give up trying? We have to go to them, comfort them and encourage them to give it another try. If we do not reassure them, they are prone to withdraw and internalize a sense that they are banished. Parents have a delicate task to ensure that discipline does not break a child's heart.

I counsel hundreds of teens and young adults who experience same-sex attraction or identify as LGBT every year. Many of them have been hanging out in our evangelical churches since they were young. Some have shared their sexual orientation with parents and pastors, but many have carried that secret as "to-be-banished" people fearing rejection one day when everyone finds out. Some of them carry a huge emotional weight of fear and depression. We interpret them as quiet or shy and miss their pain.

We know the plight of so many LGBT teens who are vulnerable to bullying and suicidality. They too are like banished persons, who consider the ultimate act of vanquishing their lives in an attempt to escape pain. So often, parents are unaware of just how much bullying their child has endured. Some parents make the horrific mistake of blaming their child for being bullied.

Religious people are good at "knowing" right behaviors. The two things we are not good at? Actually turning all that talk into a sustainable walk of good behavior. Second, maintaining humility before God and mercy toward others when we are maintaining all the right behaviors. We either fall into sin ourselves or else we note how sinful others are. Or both! These blind spots cause us to miss our own sin; and excuse our judgmentalism. Under the influence of this spiritual superiority, we overlook others' pain and miss opportunities to reach out to people where they are.

In comes Jesus. He says disturbing things like "unless your righteousness exceeds the goodness of the teachers of religion, you will not inherit the kingdom of God." The Pharisees miss his point thinking "sinners never have a chance to be better than us." Yet Jesus will not be mocked - he keeps going at the Pharisees about their own sins; and he angers them by reaching out continually to the people they have permanently banished. Jesus always reaches out to the one we would least imagine worthy.

For those of us who know we are sinners, Jesus does not water down truth with his compassion. He calls to us, "repent for the kingdom of heaven is near." He says we must "lose our life in order to save it." He convicts us with "go and sin no more" even as he rescues us from the hands of Pharisees. Like the scripture says: we must die like spilled water that cannot be recovered, but God does NOT take away life. He devises ways to bring banished people back into intimate relationship with Him.

Do you feel banished? My friend, God never banishes. He does discipline. He does correct. He does guide and direct. He does bring our wandering lives to unexpected dead ends where life no longer seems to work. He does allow pain to reach into our emotions to draw us toward a different path. Yet I think we need a different image than the one of an angry father in heaven with furrowed brows holding a hammer over our heads at every wrong turn we take.

I imagine a father who is helping his toddler to learn to walk. You hear him say with a smile "no, no sweetie." At times, if the child darts toward the street, he may at times have to shout "No!" He may forcibly scoop up his child if she is in imminent danger. Imagine how it feels to be quickly pulled off the ground to six feet in the air by an arm coming up from behind you. Toddlers may begin to cry. Some suggest they are crying because they did not get their way. Maybe so. But maybe they are just plain frightened. The interaction of a loving and protective father with a wandering toddler teaches us that there is love and protection in discipline and boundaries.

Another image we have is the scriptural story of a sheep wandering away from the flock and getting caught in barbed wire. The shepherd comes to rescue the sheep but unfortunately this kind of rescue will require digging metal out of flesh. It's going to hurt.

Does dealing with a God who disciplines hurt? Yes, it can. But remember: God is always about the work of bringing banished souls back into communion with him. His rescue is not pain free, but it is for nothing less than salvation that He comes to bring his children back home. Of course, if we hear his voice, we can simply walk home today. Banished one, come home. All who are weary and burdened, come home. "Come to me," Jesus says, "and I will give you rest for your soul." He encourages, "I have plans to prosper you; not to harm you."

Post Note: Dedicated to a special child of God named Marshall. You are HIS. He loves you...

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AFSP Symposium: Role of Families

2011-06-22T08:12:00.082-04:00

I just attended the American Federation for Suicide Prevention Boston Chapter's symposium on LGBT suicide risk factors and prevention, featuring the notable research of social worker Dr. Caitlin Ryan who keynoted the event. While Dr. Ryan is supportive of same-gender relationships - a position at odds with most evangelicals' beliefs - every church leader can learn from Dr. Ryan's groundbreaking work that I have highlighted in my ministry over the last 24 months.

Dr. Ryan unveiled new data pointing to best practices for preventing suicide among gay youth. One of her key ingredients is family. This runs counter to many gay organizations that counsel gay youth to limit interaction with family. Further, this runs at odds with the passive-progressive response by evangelicals of routinely referring youth to Trevor Project and other gay resources. (see disclosure at end)

Dr. Ryan stresses that families - and yes, faith communities - must play a critical and direct role in helping vulnerable gay youth. In short, passing our kids off to others is not always the best support - we must also learn to care well for them ourselves. If we do, some gay organizations may pause before directing gay youth away from their parents. Whether they do or not, we must still do our part.

This vision matches Lead Them Home's longstanding efforts to help LGBT/SSA young people develop what I call a Sustainable Support Network. At the top of this support is family. Dr. Ryan's research provides hard numbers demonstrating just how critical family support is. Importantly, family "support" does not have to mean a change in doctrinal belief. You do not have to choose between doctrine and your child. Keep your beliefs and love your child.

Some will no doubt suggest that evangelicals are dangerous - that we can never play a safe role in caring for gay youth. To this point, there are indeed churches and families of faith that do increase suicidal inclination through judgment, exclusion, and insensitive counsel. Yet in the last decade - and particularly in the last 3 years - counsel to gay youth has dramatically improved in the evangelical community and there is a good trajectory for continual improvements ahead. As one data point: I am receiving more requests to train licensed Christian counselors and pastoral teams in the direct care of LGBT/SSA youth.

While the tide is turning, there remains much work to do. For now, I simply want to celebrate that learning from Dr. Ryan's research can lead us to better care for young people in our churches and families. One core Christlike trait is humility - the commitment to love, listen to and learn from others in a spirit of compassion. We will not always agree with what we hear, but we may just be surprised at how much we can learn and put into application in churches and families throughout the evangelical community. Dr. Ryan can help us.

I leave you with one simple idea. If you are the parent of an LGBT/SSA teen or young adult, Dr. Ryan suggests that you simply be aware of and take note of each of your interactions with your child. She recommends that parents catalogue their "accepting behaviors" and their "rejecting behaviors." Parents who can increase accepting behaviors and lower rejecting behaviors can significantly reduce the risk of suicide in their child's life. Pastors, elders and counselors can apply this in a similar fashion. We can do this today.

Disclosure: If you encounter gay youth contemplating suicide, it is critical that you obtain whatever support is necessary. Dialing 911 is necessary if the threat is specific and imminent. For less serious situations, there are many suicide hotlines available, including Trevor Project. See our homepage for a hotline referral. I am not opposed to Trevor Project: rather, I am opposed to evangelicals always referring gay youth outside the church. We must learn to care well.

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Summer Counseling

2011-06-05T10:20:00.004-04:00

Summer counseling is now in session. Every year, I counsel hundreds of families in need of encouragement and advice on how to love, care for and extend Christ to LGBT loved ones - in addition to hundreds of individuals who experience same-sex attraction (SSA) trying to figure out how to handle their sexuality in the context of their Christian faith. To obtain counseling, simply email me or call toll-free (877) 683-6867. Listen to Lead Them Home Radio today. Please feel free to pass this along to others. God bless you.

AFSP Suicide Prevention (MA) 6/18

2011-06-01T10:16:00.001-04:00

I invite you to join me in attending American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's "Symposium on LGBT Suicide Prevention" at Bentley University (Waltham, MA) on June 18 from 12 noon to 6 pm. Dr. Caitlin Ryan of the Family Acceptance Project will be the keynote speaker.

Why should pastors attend a secular, gay-affirming event? One reason: we must learn to minister well the presence of Jesus Christ to vulnerable teens and young adults struggling with sexuality and suicidal inclination. We will not agree with everything we hear, but there is still much that we can learn from an event like this.

SPECIAL POST-SYMPOSIUM DINNER: Please join me and others for dinner from 6:45 to 8:15 pm to debrief how we can apply what we learned within an evangelical community context.

HOW CAN I ATTEND? Register via AFSP or simply email me (bjhenson@gmail.com) your contact information and mail a check to FOTOS in the amount of $60 (actual AFSP price). For dinner, bring sufficient cash to pay for your own meal. The dinner location will be determined soon. FOTOS/Lead Them Home will not make any money on this.

HOW PREVALENT IS LGBT SUICIDE? Each year, roughly 4,000 to 5,000 10 to 25 year olds commit suicide in America. It is thought that 10% to 30% of these young people struggle with gender and sexual identity issues. Dr. Ryan's research indicates that gay teens are 3-8x more likely to attempt suicide compared to heterosexual peers, but 16x more likely if a young person has been bullied.

In the fall of 2010, we saw a spike in gay teens committing suicide due to bullying. My blog and radio show covered this spike extensively - read more at http://blog.leadthemhome.org.

LEAD THEM HOME: FALL 2011 CONFERENCE Lead Them Home is pleased to pre-announce our 2nd Gay Teen Suicide Prevention Seminar coming in Fall 2011. You will learn more details in the coming weeks via our July email newsletter. Stay tuned.

May 14: Shift 20.20, Northampton

2011-05-09T09:21:00.001-04:00

Join 100+ church and lay leaders for Shift 20.20 hosted by College Church in Northampton (MA) this Saturday, May 14. This full day seminar equips church leaders and whole congregations to love and extend Christ to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered) persons.

As the appeal of culture war fades, church leaders often address homosexuality in one of three ways: some double up on doctrine; others become silent; while others drift into pro-gay theology. All of these approaches are costly: the lack of "language" creates confusion about our theological beliefs when we begin to care for gay people.

Example: Over the past two years, Lead Them Home has focused heavily on justice responses to bullying and gay teen suicide. In a church lacking "language" to care for vulnerable gay teens, founder Bill Henson often hears complaints such as "don't focus too much on that" or "where are you going?" The idea that Jesus would not minister to gay teens and young adults is utterly tragic.

U2's lead singer Bono in the song Bullet The Blue Sky (Rattle and Hum) shouts "the God I believe in isn't short of cash, mister!" My friends, Jesus is not short of compassion either. We must learn to engage and nourish spiritual identity in LGBT people - right where they are. Just as Christ originally met each of us - right where we were.

Lead Them Home founder Bill Henson created Shift 20.20 to provide the church with "language" for communicating the Gospel in a social justice generation on the issue of homosexuality. Can evangelicals radically love, care for and extend Christ to LGBT people without compromising on theological truth?

Come and see.

Join us this Saturday at College Church in Northampton (MA). To learn more, contact Bill at bjhenson@gmail.com.

Listen: Radio Interview

2011-04-06T19:09:00.000-04:00

Listen to the radio interview on gay bullying that Bill participated in along with Dr. Bill Campbell and Dr. Caitlin Ryan on the I'm Thankful Network. Evangelicals and the gay community can partner to fight against bullying and gay teen suicide.