What I see when I first set foot on the beach

I’m spending time this summer with my family in my most favourite place on this earth, the island of Eleuthera in The Bahamas. There’s something magical about this place. Something deep within me is stirred every time I set foot on the beach and see that vast Atlantic ocean. This is sacred time; a time of being present in the moment and noticing – noticing the beauty that surrounds me, from the pristine, natural beauty around me in the physical space to the beauty of watching my children delight in it. I wish that everyone could find that place that speaks to the core of who they are. A place where your body responds in a way that has you fully at ease and knows it’s home here; a place where your heart responds with emotion of sacred connection to this beautiful earth and vast sky; a place where your mind has the clarity to dream of what’s possible, to imagine and to bring the vision into the present. This is the place for that. It’s not the only place and it’s my place.

It’s sacred.

Finding Sacred is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

What are you most proud of?

Of my family – that’s the first thing. I’m so proud of every one of you – no exceptions. And perservering through struggles and challenges.

What makes you happy?

That everybody is healthy and that I’m healthy. With your Dad, I take it day by day.

What makes you sad?

Immigrating to Canada (from the Netherlands); leaving everyone and everything behind. The emotion is still there after all this time.

I wish I had…

Oh, I don’t know. I don’t wish for much. I wish I had learned how to drive a car.

What do you fear?

Moving into a new home. It’s a big step. But I can do it. I feel positive about it. I know it’s the best for both of us. I’ll have more independence there.

My best advice is…

Stay true to yourself. Try to do your best. And don’t hurt yourself by looking back too much and falling into regret. The good things overpower the bad. My life is good. Beautiful little Hailey (her new great-granddaughter) brings me a lot of happiness.

What inspires you?

To be outside. To enjoy nature. I learned a lot from your Dad. He taught me to appreciate nature.

Who is your hero?

I think your Dad is.

What do you long for?

That we may be together for a long time yet. Dad has such a good heart, in both ways. I’m so lucky. I enjoy the simple things.

What question should I ask you now?

What’s your main thing in life? It’s my family – it has been my life, my purpose.

Simple.  Pragmatic.  Focussed.  That’s my Mom.

Meaningful Conversation #7: My Mom is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

On this beautiful spring day, I decided to spend some time at the Royal Botanical Gardens in Burlington, Ontario. The lilacs were in full bloom and I wanted to treat my senses. There I was in a grove of lilac bushes, with over 800 different cultivar taking in the different purples, blues, whites and greens and wishing there was a way to capture the delicious fragrance that are so unique to lilacs. I was so grateful to have taken the moment to slow down and take this all in. I commented to a woman next to me that I wished I could somehow bottle the smell. This turned into an education about cancer prevention that I wasn’t expecting and was willing to hear. The woman’s name was Jennifer, a member and regular visitor of the RBG and someone with a mission to educate people about the chemical toxins that are in all of our consumable products – the food we eat and the personal care products we use. She shared with me a past experience that taught her that sometimes a negative turns into a positive. When she was 18, she was in car accident that should have claimed her life but she was spared. She was driving her father’s car wrecklessly, wishing it was the convertible her friend’s father had just bought her. Looking back, she knows that it was her father’s choice in vehicles that saved her life. At this point in her life she has taken up the purposeful task of educating people on cancer prevention and wishes to someday write a book about all of the information she has uncovered. She is a role model for chemical-free living and limits her own exposure to cancer-causing agents by consuming only natural and organic products.

What are you most proud of?

To be honest, I missed this question. And I wish I had asked it. This woman had a great sense of pride about her, a countenance that spoke of purpose, clarity and determination. Much to be proud of and yet I wonder what stands out most for her.

I wish I had…

“I wish I had my own swimming pool like I used to have. I wish I had more friends in my condo. I wish I had 5 pounds off but then I look at very overweight people and I think well… I wish I had a man in my life that doesn’t want to move in, ‘cause I don’t want them moving in. I wish I had a sister who was talking to me – we’re not talking right now. She lives 10 minutes from here but we don’t see each other. You notice there’s nothing I’m wishing for that’s related to money and material things are not a part of that either.”

What makes you happy?

“Being here – being right here makes me happy. For every person I reach with this cancer prevention information makes me happy. I can’t control what people buy but I can give them the information and they can make the decision from there. So that’s what makes me happy.”

What makes you sad?

“My son lives in Toronto and I don’t get to see him as much as I’d like. But he was living in England and then he came back to Toronto, that made me happy. Sad… hmmm… I don’t know, not a lot of things make me sad.”

What do you fear?

“Flying and I used to travel a great deal. I fear the holocaust that we’re living in. People are being poisoned every day and I want to help them, I want to educate people. I want to teach. That’s basically what I fear. Ummm, snow storms – I feel trapped inside. I fear things that are going on in the world and I hope they don’t affect Canada, like tsunamis, earthquakes, natural disasters that are going on in the rest of the world. I don’t dwell on it – I just hope it doesn’t happen here.”

What inspires you?

“The fact that I’ve got good health and I’ve got energy to do what I want and go where I like. I’m seeing a good play tomorrow – so concerts and plays, good movies, stuff like that and coming to the gardens. And talking to people – I love it.”

Who is your hero?

“God, God is my hero. And my Dad, I think he was my hero. He didn’t get that convertible. And now that I could get one, I don’t even want one. They’re not that safe and imagine a woman alone driving a convertible, anyone can get into the car at any time.”

What do you long for?

“A man in my life that doesn’t want to move in with me. I don’t want someone with me all the time. I need space, my independence.”

My best advice is…

“Take the information that I have for people and not buy those products. To live a clean, chemical-free life and de-tox everyday with lemon juice and water. That would be my best advice: to figure out a way not to buy these products.”

What question should I ask you now?

“I don’t know. I think you’ve covered it all.”

I appreciate all of the information Jennifer had to share. I found some of it pretty overwhelming to be honest and was conscious of her impact on me as well as my experience of sensory overload from the lilac grove. The care and keeping of ourselves and our loved ones is a priority. There’s a lot of information out there. We can’t possibly take it all in and it’s a good thing we have people like Jennifer who share what they know.

Meaningful Conversation #6: Clean and Free Living is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Brené Brown is a researcher, writer, and professor. She has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, looking at: “How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity, spirit, and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging and joy?”. Much of her work has been centred around what she refers to as “the universal experience” of shame and how it keeps us disconnected. I get it. Within each of us is some element of shame, that has us feel different, not good enough, and ultimately holds us separate and disconnected from others.

My daughter has a book about a hamster named Lola who is seeking the right moment to share her “special words”. Towards the end of the book she is about to burst, as she has held back many times because the timing wasn’t quite right. Finally she spills at the end of the book saying “I love you, I love you, I love you” to her mom and dad and nods off contentedly to sleep knowing the words are always there on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be shared. Sweet little hamster.

The words are always there, if we stop long enough to listen and to speak them. What words are on the tip of your tongue? Are you ready to burst?

The Daily Practice of Authenticity is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Enjoy this day, nurturers and caretakers of the world!

Happy Mother’s Day is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

According to the fundraising recipient, Camp Oochigeas “is much more than a summer camp. Camp Oochigeas offers year-round programs for children affected by childhood cancer at our site in Muskoka, at the Hospital for Sick Children and in the community. Through these programs Camp Oochigeas provides fun and meaningful experiences to approximately 445 children affected by cancer each year at no cost to their families. This is all made possible by the generous support of our donors and volunteers.”

The fund-raising goal was set at $1,000,000 and as of today they are at $900,000. Here’s the link if you wish to donate: Camp Oochigeas

Last week I was sent an invitation on facebook to join a group called “Zoe is a Rockstar”.  It’s a group created to support a little girl going through some trying chemo treatments at The Hospital for Sick Children here in Toronto.  Currently, there are over 2000 members. Here’s the description:

Zoë is truly an amazing soul who never stops laughing and making people smile, even when battling cancer. She has been dubbed the Sweetheart of Sick Kids.
Thank you to everyone who sent Zoë a fan letter. We received an overwhelming response from people all around the world. Zoë is home for now and we had to give up her Rockstar suite at Sick Kids. Check out the photos of fan mail and her art walls!
Zoë was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and after two open heart surgeries she had a heart transplant when she was 6 months old.
She was diagnosed with T-Cell Lymphoma at the start of November 2009 and is currently under-going chemotherapy treatments to hopefully deal with this very rare type of Cancer.

This invite on facebook was timely for me.  It helped me to anchor a face with the cause I was running for.  Zoe, you are a rockstar in my book!  Your courage, bravery and passion are remarkable!

Running for a Cause is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

This week’s conversation reminded me of one of the reasons I started this project.  To me, what’s important is asking the questions that are so seldomly asked.  It’s about inspiring the idea of more meaningful conversations in the world between women.  My hope is that I’ve inspired that with the woman I had a conversation with this week.  What caught my attention with her was how engaged she was with her baby as she played with him and talked to him.  She was a beautiful example of a new mother, completely absorbed in the moment with her child.  I approached her and explained a bit about my E=mc2 project and she agreed to answer my questions, with a caution that if the questions got too personal she wouldn’t answer them.  We agreed that it was her choice to offer any comment.

What are you most proud of?

Wow. I guess my son. He’s my first. Yes.

I wish I had…

I wish I had time to travel. Right now it’s just him and…

What makes you happy?

My family.

What makes you sad?

When I see my family unhappy.

What do you fear?

I wouldn’t be able to answer that.

What inspires you?

I guess nature.

Who is your hero?

I’d say my Mom.

What do you dream of?

I won’t be able to answer that

My best advice is…

To be happy.

What questions should I ask you next?

I wouldn’t be able to answer that one either.

I have to admit that following this conversation I wondered if the questions I was asking were too probing or did I simply intrude on a moment between a mother and her child.  As a coach, I live in the land of these conversations regularly with my clients. And I was struck with how uncommon it is to have these kinds of questions asked of us.  It’s verging on radical.  Some may find the questions too probing. And I’m not going to change a thing about the questions I ask because I know that somewhere within each of us is a desire to be known on a deeper level. To share things about ourselves that are meaningful – if not with a stranger, then with a loved one.  And if not now, then sometime later down the road on our journey.

Meaningful Conversation #5 is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

This conversation is with a woman I’ve been acquainted with for several years and yet there was so much I didn’t know about her because I never asked. She immigrated to Canada 25 years ago from Portugal and raised her family here. She cleans homes and offices for a living and was eager to share some insights that were meaningful to her.

What are you most proud of?

“I’m proud of my kids and my life because I come with nothing and I don’t accomplish a lot of material things but I accomplish a lot for my kids. They’ve turned out good – for now. From here it’s out of my hands. I’m proud of my hard work, not having school (I’ve only finished Portuguese grade 6) and I think I did okay. I’m proud of myself. I came to Canada for four months on vacation to stay with my cousin and I met my husband. I stayed and I’m still here 25 years later.”

I wish I had…

“I wish I had more free time or money-wise, so I can afford to have more free time to do more of nothing, just being at home.”

What makes you happy?

“Being out, just driving for no reason, just going places makes me feel happy. I like to go to a Portuguese bakery for a coffee and something sweet with a friend and talk about our children, sometimes bitching about our husbands but that I think is normal. Makes you feel alive – conversation that is.”

What makes you sad?

“Not nice answers from my kids. Like when they come home and they don’t kiss me. Like my husband telling me “Don’t get upset with me, but that fish smells badly” – makes me cry. I don’t like negativity. Sometimes I feel like I’m too negative and when I hear it from others it really makes me sad… I always tell them. Not in the moment. I have to cry first and then when things have settled down, then I tell them.

When I was a kid, I was really mouthy with my parents and I got into trouble every day. When I hear it from my kids, I remember. I’ve learned over the years. The first five years were very hard – of marriage and having kids. I grew up with more kindness than my husband did – it was very different. There was a different kind of respect

I grew up on a farm with my brother and my parents in Portugal. Every day my parents would go to their market and I would stay home with my brother. From the age of 7, I had to take care of my brother and I cooked for him. Every day the same thing at lunch – boiled potatoes and boiled fish. It was very different from growing up in the city.”

What do you fear?

“I fear my kids won’t accomplish and more than that they get into things they’re not supposed to. Even knowing now they are older, life always tricks you and I’m always afraid. Mostly I’m afraid because I’m not in control anymore. Sometimes even thinking about it makes me cry – the thought that something can happen to them makes me worried just because it’s not in my control to say “No don’t do it”. I feel like I’m in a boat without the oars.”

What inspires you?

“To go on? Just to be here. I am grateful for all I have. I’m happy just being alive, being here, I am happy. Feels good. I thank God for just being alive.”

Who is your hero?

“My Dad. My Dad and my Mom are role models for my marriage. But my Dad and I, we have the same kind of temperament.”

What do you long for?

“For the world to have? Peace. Not much. Every time I go to church, I don’t go often, but every time I ask for something, I ask for peace in the world. I never ask for me because other people have much more worse problems than me. Just peace and health for people who are worse off than me. I don’t ask for much.”

My best advice is…

“Hmmm… Be kind. Be kind to others if you want others to be kind to you. Even if you sometimes think they’re not, you’re not going to be accepted the way you want to be but at least you know in your conscience you are doing your best in a nice way to people… I have a lot of disagreements with my husband because of that. I always try to be nice to everybody and I accomodate everybody to help them and when it’s my turn nobody’s there. My husband is more tough and street-wise, he says to me “smart-up, not everybody’s that way”. I cannot change the way I am and he sometimes worries that some people take advantage. It makes me feel good.”

What question should I ask you next?

She laughs. “I don’t know. I think you ask all the main questions. Ask anything you want to know”. What do you love about the work that you do? “ Nothing. I do it because I don’t have school. I don’t like nothing about it. I do my best. I do it because I don’t have school. I have Grade 6 – it’s nothing. It’s either that or a factory. I’ve been doing this for 15 years already. I’m not going to change it now. Only time I change it is when I stop. This is what I tell my kids all the time. Do something, doesn’t matter what, something you love to do. Don’t be like me. I do it to survive. You guys can do something to survive and have pleasure at the same time. Whatever makes you happy.”

There is wisdom in simplicity, more wisdom than we know. Go to school. Do what you love. Be kind to others. Pray for peace in the world. Enjoy conversation with a friend. More free time to do nothing. What’s that old saying? All I really needed to know I learned in kindergarten? Life can get so complicated as we progress on our journeys. Stop for a moment, take in a breath of fresh air and ask yourself “What did I learn in kindergarten that is important for today?” I’ll bet you’ll find wisdom.

Meaningful Conversation #4 is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

My third meaningful conversation is the second part of the conversation I had with the two friends at the coffeehouse. This woman had been stirred up by circumstances in her life that have offered her the opportunity to understand and reflect on what’s important. Her clarity was remarkable and had a profound impact on me.

What are you most proud of?

“The way I handled my husband’s death when he was sick. He passed away from prostate cancer but it took us two years from the start to the gradual decline and I saw things myself I never thought I would. You know, you never know how strong you’re going to be through those situations and looking back that’s probably the thing I was most proud of, the way I handled that…that was 2 years ago.”

What makes you happy?

“I have to relate mine to my career only because I’m not with anyone right now and I don’t have kids. But I do a lot of public speaking and training, so for me I just love when my folks get it – that just really makes me happy. Like I know I’m doing the right thing.”

I wish I had…

“I’d have to say, I wish I had a partner, who is as great as my husband was. Someone I could be best friends with – it’s because we had such a good relationship that I want another good relationship. We used to golf together and all that and I’d love to find someone who likes the athletic things… We were together for eleven years.”

What makes you sad?

“I don’t get too sad, I’m pretty good at putting things into perspective. You know, yeah, I miss my husband big time, I wish I had him back but it doesn’t make me sad to think about him. It makes me happy to think about the good times we had together. I guess I’m more sad when other people around me aren’t happy, because I always feel like I want to help them and I feel helpless, I can’t help others when they’re sad. I want to fix it.”

What do you fear?

“In the beginning shortly after he died, I was afraid I wouldn’t live my life to the fullest, I was afraid I would be too sad or depressed. Now I think my fear is not being a Mom. I just turned 41 and I’d really like to meet someone. I’d make a great Step-Mom. I think I might be passed the stage of having one myself, although I have my husband’s sperm on ice… just before radiation, I got ‘em out of there just in case. But I don’t know if I’d want to do that all on my own – that’s a lot. So, yeah, I’m kind of fearful that I won’t have that opportunity be a Step-Mom or Mom. It would be nice and maybe I’d consider adopting but I’ve got to find the right man who is willing to do all that as well.”

What inspires you?

“My Mom – she’s awesome. We lost my Dad five months before my husband, so Mom and I went through it together and we were just solid. She was right there. The other things that inspires me is when people take on a challenge. I see it a lot because I also teach public speaking and it inspires me to see people get up there even though they are scared to death. And I love that. That person is scared for their life and when that person faces that challenge head on, I find that inspiring because it’s not easy to do.”

Who is your hero?

“I would say my husband and my Mom too. They way they both dealt with it. One thing with my husband was that he never once questioned why. And I did. I had some low moments where I said why – why is this happening to us, why is this happening to him, he’s so young. He never said why. He would say it’s all part of the plan, part of the master plan, there’s not much we can do to change it. So I’ve learned to live life to the fullest.”

What do you long for?

“Definitely for me, that long-term relationship, that long-term commitment with someone who says I’m with you to the bitter end. Someone who’ll be my best friend as well as my lover.”

My best advice is…

“Every day matters. Every moment counts. I travel a lot for my job, always on different planes, meeting different people and I see people together and I can tell they’re not touchy-feely and really together. I look at them and I think God, they have no idea. So when I have the opportunity I say “come on over and give her a big hug, giver her a big kiss, you tell her you appreciate her, because you never know”. I don’t preach it but if given the opportunity and someone starts talking about their relationship, I’ll kind of slide it in because it does matter.”

What question should I ask you now?

I realize now in playing back this conversation, this woman didn’t answer this question. So I’ll pose my own: How do you come through such a tragedy and share such strength, wisdom and beauty?

Challenges and crises have a way of opening us up, rather than shutting us down. We have a choice and that’s often what we choose. As human beings we are incredibly resilient and I am grateful for the reminder embodied in this woman I had the pleasure of meeting. I am also grateful for the reminder from her that “every day matters and every moment counts”. Absolutely. Today I celebrate 13 years of marriage with my husband Dave. I’ll hold onto that hug with him a little longer after having this conversation and remember to be grateful for every day and every moment.

Meaningful Conversation #3 is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.

Engaging Women in Meaningful Conversations Makes Community

My second and third meaningful conversations were done in tandem. I met these two ladies at my neighbourhood coffeehouse on a beautiful spring morning outside on the patio. I first noticed the dog that belonged to one of them, who was whining while his owner was inside getting him a Vente water – sustenance while the two friends could settle in to some time to chat together. They were more than happy to spend some of their time with me, an intrigued stranger.

I quickly found out that we all shared a passion around running and that is how these two women met and became friends. Shared experiences had brought them together. And they had very different responses to my questions, based on their own unique experiences in their life. I’ll post their answers in two separate posts, to honour the individuality of each of them.

What are you most proud of?

“My children.”

What makes you happy?

“My kids – if my kids are happy, then I feel happy. If they’re having a hard time it affects me – totally. Yeah, so if they’re happy, I’m happy. That’s my answer.”

I wish I had…

“Well right now I’m looking for a part-time job so I wish I had a part-time job. I’m sending e-mails out galore and nothing’s coming back, not even an interview. So, yeah, I wish I had a part-time job right now… that works with my kids’ schedules.”

What makes you sad?

“I gotta relate this to the kids again. What really gets me sad is when things are not working well with my children. My oldest is very complex, she’s a worrier, she gets very stressed and that affects me. She came home at Easter and I had to put her back together again. She lost her wallet. She was sick. The marks were low – she’s at university, second year.”

What do you fear?

“I fear any of my loved ones getting sick, or myself. I have a fear of that. I lost a girlfriend to pancreatic cancer, it will be a year ago in August. So be involved in all that, going to those treatments with her and seeing all that. It can happen to anybody. I don’t want any of my loved ones to go through that – I saw my friend fight a battle with pancreatic cancer and it was a hard battle… two years. She kept believing she would be the one to conquer it, even with the statistics being as bad as they are… I would be sitting there with her and take in all the people sitting there going through treatments, you know, the nervousness on their faces. They were just going about their business when all of a sudden they were diagnosed with something like that. You know sometimes you don’t even feel poorly and then someone says to you, Oh, you’re sick…”

What inspires you?

“To be a good Mom – my Mom is an inspiration to me. She’s still living, she’s 79. She’s a fantastic Mom. So she inspires me – how she raised me to be a good mom for my kids.”

Who is your hero?

“Well my friend was my hero, the one that died. She had such an impact on my life. We were friends for forty years. She’s gone now and she’s still my hero, every time I think about her. I’m proud of the way she handled everything, the whole cancer thing – she was so courageous.”

What do you long for?

“You know when I say a prayer or make a wish, I ask that my family is safe, healthy and happy. That’s what I long for – that we’re all safe, healthy and happy. What more could you want. If you have all that, you don’t need more.”

My best advice is…

“Do what makes you happy.”

What question should I ask you now?

“Do you think we’re kind people? Because I think we are – after listening to our answers. We are. I can see how she and I are bonding more and more because we have similar personalities and have a lot in common. We have a shared experience together.”

I was struck by this last part with this woman. I believe there’s a part in all of us that wishes our kindness to be known. To be able to share that. I hope my questions, and more importantly their witnessing of each other in answering them, had a way of strengthening the bond between them. Another shared experience to strenthen the bond of friendship between women and to strengthen us to be good Moms to our children.

Meaningful Conversation #2 is a post from the Leap Into Life blog.