This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All of them show two men in suit and tie, talking at an outdoor cafe. One man is a redhead with a mustache; the other is a clean-shaven blonde.

PANEL 1

REDHEAD: And the conditions in the concentration camps we’ve built are appalling! I’m ashamed for my country!

BLONDE: Whoa! “Concentration camps”? Really?

PANEL 2

A shot of the blonde man, lecturing.

BLONDE: The camps can be criticized but calling them “concentration camps” is inflammatory. It’s something people say for the shock value.

PANEL 3

The blonde man looks angry.

BLONDE: Frankly, calling them “concentration camps” demeans the memory of the victims of the real historic concentration camps!

PANEL 4

The “camera” pulls back, and we see that this is a scene from 1930s Germany. (Storefront signs are in German, there’s a horse and carriage going past, women in 1930s fashions and hats.) The blonde man has angrily stood up, and we can see he wears a swastika on his sleeve (as does another man in the foreground).

BLONDE: And finally – never say you’re ashamed to be German. It’s like our new chancellor Hitler says – we’re making Germany great again!

(No chicken fat in this one!)

Don’t Call Them Concentration Camps | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a “kicker” panel at the bottom.

PANEL 1

Little Barry is reading in bed when he’s startled by Big Barry coming in through a glowing time portal in the air. Rags, a dog, looks around.

BIG BARRY: Hi, Barry of 1983! I’m you from decades in the future! Ask me anything!

LITTLE BARRY: ACK!

PANEL 2

Little Barry thinks about what to ask. Big Barry smiles but looks very nervous. Rags sniffs Big Barry, tail wagging.

LITTLE BARRY: Okay, um… So is Reagan still the worst President ever?

BIG BARRY: Hah haha ha ha ha! Hoo boy, you think Reagan’s bad! HA! Ha ha aaah oh God.

PANEL 3

Big Barry, weeping, rushes out through the portal.

BIG BARRY: SOB! I’m sorry, I can’t – I – it’s – I gotta go!

PANEL 4

The time portal flicks out, and Big Barry is gone. Little Barry addresses the dog.

LITTLE BARRY: Well, that bodes ill.

KICKER PANEL

Big Barry is petting Rags; Rags is happy for the attention.

BIG BARRY: I didn’t really come back to see my younger self. I came back to see Rags. Who’s a good boy?

RAGS (thought): Is it me? It’s ME!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is archaic cartoonistese for fun little details in the art.

Panel 1: A poster for the “Annie” musical above Barry’s bed says: “Annie. A New Musical and Barry’s First Celebrity Crush. Remember when tickets were affordable… Must be nice.”

Panel 2: The poster has changed to a crudely drawn caricature of Ronald Reagan, with the caption “Let’s Retire Ron.”

Panel 3: The poster has changed to a shirtless, ridiculously muscled man flexing, little mini-muscle bumps sticking up from his huge biceps. The caption says “MUSCLES MAN… His Muscles Have Muscles!” He has a word balloon, which says “Please get me to a doctor.”

Panel 4: The poster has changed to a photo of Reggie Jackson swinging a baseball bat. The caption says: REGGIE… because being good at hitting a ball with a stick makes you a HERO.”

Time Travel 2: Ask Me Anything | Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel.

PANEL 1

Two workers in reflective vests and hard hats are on a factory floor when a man wearing a blazer over a t-shirt walks in, arms spread wide.

BLAZER: Greetings, workers! I just bought this weezotski factory.

WORKER: Oh, uh… Welcome! So you must have lots of experience with weezotskis?

PANEL 2

Grinning, Blazer keeps talking, looking very smug.

BLAZER: None! But success in an unrelated industry has made me freakishly wealthy! And that makes me a business genius who can run anything!

PANEL 3

Blazer puts his arm around the worker and makes a grand “envision the future!” gesture.

BLAZER: I’m gonna disrupt this company so hard! It’ll be amazing! You’ll see! (Not you personally. I’m firing you.)

PANEL 4

CAPTION: SIX MONTHS LATER

Blazer, still grinning, flees from a burning factory building.

BLAZER: Another business brilliantly saved!

KICKER PANEL

Blazer, looking smug, is talking to Barry the cartoonist.

BLAZER: Maybe I should run the government!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-obscure cartoonist talk for fun but unimportant details in the art.

Panel 1: A limp hand is sticking out a hole in the huge factory machine. A panel of the floor is missing, and a corpse in a funeral suit lies within. The box the worker is carrying is labeled “Caution: Irrelevant Prop.”

Panel 2: In the background, in supervisors windows, are Homer Simpson and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

Panel 3: An opening in the side of a big factory machine contains Brain, of “Pinky and the Brain.” A vent hose has a distressed face on it. In a window in a machine in the background, a grinning stoned person hands upside-down.

A sign says “URGENT: Always complete your shift and clean your area before fighting demonic forces.” Another says “WARNING: Studies show that most people’s largest deathbed regret is time not spent working.” A sign on a large red button says “NO. Do not press button. Nope.”

Panel 4: The dark cloud in the sky, if you rotate it 90 degrees to the right, is an enormous face in profile.

The tattoo storyline: In panel one, the worker has a tattoo of a snake on his right arm, and a tattoo of an apple on his left arm. In panel two, the snake tattoo has crossed to his left arm and is examining the apple. In panel 3, the apple has been eaten, and the snake – no longer merely a tattoo – is crawling out of a hole in a big factory machine.

The Business Genius | Patreon

(All dialog taken from “Dark Like Our Future,” The Guardian, March 8 2026.)

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all showing a woman in her thirties in a modest but nice apartment.

PANEL 1

The woman pulls back a curtain, looking at the darkness outside.

CAPTION: “Negin” – not her real name – lives in Tehran.

NEGIN: The situation is so frightening it’s hard to describe. Smoke has covered the city. I have severe shortness of breath and burning in my eyes and throat, and many others feel the same.

PANEL 2

Negin turns away from the window and speaks directly to us.

NEGIN: I ask those who have the ability, especially foreign media, to reflect on this situation. What are people supposed to do under these conditions?

PANEL 3

Negin speaks angrily.

NEGIN: If someone has a problem with the Islamic Republic government, that’s one thing – But not with us, the people! This is no longer just a human rights violation.

PANEL 4

Negin sits on the sofa, slumping and looking down.

NEGIN: It is truly anti-human behavior.

A footnote below the cartoon says “Dialog quoted from “Dark Like Our Future,” The Guardian, march 8 2026.”

Tehran | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a yellow shirt is at a bus stop, cheerfully lecturing the other two people at the stop.

MAN: “Feminization” has warped society. If we lived as nature intended I’d be the alpha wolf!

PANEL 2

The man with a huge thought balloon, showing him imagining walking with one hand holding a bloody axe and the other around a woman’s waist. A second woman, in a maid outfit, is carrying a tray of cake and steak. A third woman looks at him adoringly.

MAN: And the alpha wolf gets the first pick of everything! The best food, the best mates!

PANEL 3

MAN: That’s how men should live. I wish I was a wolf in the wild!

PANEL 4

Inside a wolf den, two adult wolves are talking. There are four kids (three small puppies, one medium sized) and a dead rabbit.

CAPTION: Wolves in the Wild

DAD WOLF: First the little ones eat, then the rest of us will.

MOM WOLF: And then — cuddle pile!

PUPPY: Yay!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an archaic cartoonists’ term for unimportant little details in the art.

PANEL 1 – The tattoo is of a German cartoon mouse named Diddl, holding a heart.

A poster says “HEY YOU! READ THIS! Wow, I can’t believe you’re reading this just because I said to.”

Another poster shows a cool woman in sunglasses holding a guitar. Text says “YET ANOTHER BAND… you’re not cool enough to know.”

A pigeon standing on the sidewalk is wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.

PANEL 3 – A poster has a picture of the panel 1 pigeon, with the caption “BEWARE Bad Pigeon.”

The guy waiting at the bus stop is miming shooting himself in the head so he doesn’t have to listen to this alpha wolf prattle any more.

The woman’s tattoo now shows the character Superjhemp (a parody of Superman and other superheroes). He’s very popular in Luxembourg – “he has appeared in over 29 graphic novels that have the highest sales rate for Luxembourgish publications.”

The Alpha Wolf | Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. A caption at the top says “History, Rhyming.”

PANEL 1

A close up of someone’s hand lying limply on the ground, in sepia tones.

CAPTION: August 20, 1965: Civil rights activist Jonathan Daniels put himself between a deputy sheriff and the black teen the deputy was attacking. The deputy shot Daniels to death.

PANEL 2

A close up of a gloved hand lying limply on snowy pavement, a cell phone lying nearby. Drawn in blue tones.

CAPTION: January 24 2026: Anti-fascist activist Alex Pretti put himself between border protection agents and the woman the agents were attacking. The agents shot Pretti to death.

PANEL 3

This panel is divided in two, sepia on the left and blues on the right. On the sepia side, a man inn a suit sneers. On the right side, a man in a border patrol uniform sneers.

BOTH (in unison): He was intended to commit a massacre!

CAPTION (sepia side): Arthur Gamble: Corrupt prosecutor who threw the case.

CAPTION (blue side): Gregory Bovino: Border Patrol Commander.

PANEL 4

Another panel divided into sepia and blue sides. On the sepia side is a cheerful middle-aged man in a suit. On the right side are two masked Border Patrol agents.

ALL THREE (unison): I was in fear for my life!

CAPTION (sepia side): Tom Coleman, Daniels’ murderer.

CAPTION (blue side): Jesus Ochoa and Raymundo Gutierrez, Pretti’s murderers.

PANEL 5

On the sepia side, three people with 1960s haircuts are angrily yelling. On the blue side, same thing except with current-day hair and clothes.

ALL (unison): If he hadn’t put himself where he didn’t belong he’d still be alive! Cops have to make split-second judgements! Law! Order! Bark bark bark bark woof!

CAPTION: Boot-licking stooges.

PANEL 6

In a clearing, surrounded by grass, trees, and shrubs, two men talk to each other. The men are distant from us. One, dressed in black and wearing a clerical collar, is identified as “Jonathan Daniels, 1939-1965.” The other, wearing a comfy looking winter jacket and baggy jeans, is identified as “Alex Pretti, 1989-2026.”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obscure cartoonists’ lingo for little details hidden in the art. I drew almost no chicken fat here – the tone of the strip felt wrong for it – but in panel five, two of the modern day people are wearing MAGA hats that say “Make America Dicks Again.” One man’s t-shirt shows a teddy bear saying “FU.”

History, Rhyming | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and frequent collaborator Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing the same central character, a fortyish redheaded woman, in a different setting.

PANEL 1

A woman wearing a red cardigan over a white t-shirt, and a cross necklace, is handing a brown paper lunch bag to her daughter. The daughter is rolling her eyes.

WOMAN: Schools are hotbeds for trans groomers! Don’t let any of them talk to you.

PANEL 2

Four women, including our main character (who is currently speaking), are having a meeting on Zoom.

WOMAN: I found a petition supporting this week’s new bills banning trans heath care. I’m sending the link so we can all sign.

PANEL 3

A woman with short brown hair is washing her hands in a public restroom. Nearby, our main character watches the woman suspiciously.

WOMAN (thought): Short hair… Might be trans? I better call the manager!

PANEL 4

The woman lies in bed. It’s nighttime, but she’s wide awake.

WOMAN (thought): Why is the left obsessed with trans?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is ancient, mostly forgotten cartoonist-ese for fun but needless details in the art.

PANEL 1 – The dog is rolling its eyes, just like the daughter. The daughter’s t-shirt says “Plants are gooood!” with a picture of a lit joint.

PANEL 2 – One person on Zoom is drinking with a mug with a picture of Jesus grinning and with his thumb up, a reference to the Kevin Smith movie Dogma. Another zoom person has dozed off, and the cat in her lap is anxiously taking notes. And a third zoom person is knitting a sweater with three sleeves, a reference to a famous Charles Addams cartoon.

PANEL 3 – The short-haired woman has a tattoo of Mr. Cupcake from Five Nights At Freddy’s.

PANEL 4 – The dog is wearing a sleep mask and pajamas with little hearts. Also, there are four books lying on the bed, which are:

1. TRANS PEOPLE HATE YOU. They’re Probably Hiding Under Your Bed Right Now, by Matt Waltz & Dave Chappelle.
2. HARRY POTTER AND THE INFINITE WELL OF ANTI-TRANS FUNDING by J.K. Rowling.
3. TRANSGENDERS ATE MY DOG and other things that definitely really happened, by Abigail Crier. “This is the best and probably only book I’ve ever read” – D. Trump
4. HOW THE TRANS DESTROYED MY LIFE. It’s Definitely Their Fault And Not Just That I’m An Insufferable Asshole And Everyone Who Has Ever Met Me Hates Me, by Graham Lineham.
   

   ---

The Obsession | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel at the bottom.

PANEL 1

A mother in the middle seat of an airplane is holding her crying baby, while the annoyed women on either side of her offer their advice.

AISLE SEAT LADY: If you let your baby cry in public you’re a bad mother.

WINDOW SEAT LADY: If you quiet them with screen time you’re a bad mother.

PANEL 2

A smiling woman wearing a mint green gi sits crosslegged next to a potted plant, holding a mug of tea. A large picture window faces a natural scene.

WOMAN: Formula is poison! Quit your job and breastfeed at least every two hours or you don’t love your baby.

PANEL 3

A woman in business wear and red glasses speaks directly to us.

WOMAN: If you really love your baby, spend more time at work and start their college fund.

PANEL 4

A middle-aged man is carrying a tall stack of books and pamphlets, so heavy that he’s bent backwards.

MAN: I brought you some light reading about “wake windows” and optimal nap schedules.

PANEL 5

Most of this center panel is taken up by the title: HELPFUL ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS. Below that, a blonde woman in a green jacket smiles.

WOMAN: Trust your instincts! Which are terrible and wrong.

PANEL 6

A mom has her baby in a stroller in a park, and is just kneeling down to put on some socks. A woman behind her turns red and curves over the mom in an impossible arc to get in her face and yell.

WOMAN: Why isn’t your baby wearing SOCKS?!?

PANEL 7

A couple relaxes on a sofa, her head resting on his shoulder. They talk to us, his expression genial, hers angry.

HIM: Co-sleeping is the natural way to teach your baby to sleep!

HER: Until you roll over and smother them, you murderer!

PANEL 8

An older woman leans close to us and holds up a finger as she gives advice.

WOMAN: Wean too soon and he’ll grow up sickly. Wean too late and he’ll grow up weird!

PANEL 9

A large crowd of people, of various ages and ethnicities and fashion choices, speak in unison. Some are angry, some friendly. One is a mother with a baby in a sling.

EVERYBODY: And remember: Whatever happens, it’s your fault!

“KICKER” PANEL AT THE BOTTOM

Barry is talking to a woman who looks absolutely exhausted.

BARRY: Do you know what “catch 22” means?

TIRED WOMAN: Is it minutes of sleep I caught last night?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is ancient cartoonist lingo for fun but unimportant little details in the art.

In panel six, the sockless baby is kicking their feet so much that Becky drew the baby with six adorable little feet.

In panel nine, one woman is wearing a T-Shirt design that’s a mix of an anarchy symbol and a cat’s head. That same design showed up as a poster on the wall in a previous Becky cartoon.

Also in panel nine, one man in the crowd carries a “World’s Best Dad” mug, and the baby’s eyes are hilariously wide and shocked-looking.

Helpful Advice For New Moms | Patreon

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They all show the same scene – the lobby of a weight-loss store – but a few months pass between each panel. In every panel, a fat redheaded woman, a customer, talks to a thin blonde woman, a saleswoman.

PANEL 1

Through the display window, we can see a green, leafy tree. A couple of bags of money lie under the counter. The customer is wearing a floral sundress and cardigan, and is opening a purse full of cash as she talks to the saleswoman.

CUSTOMER: I’d really like to lose weight.

SALESWOMAN: We can help! It’s only $200 to start!

PANEL 2

The tree has now lost all its leaves, and the customer is returning, carrying a sack of cash and wearing winter clothing. There’s more money under the counter.

CUSTOMER: I lost a bit of weight, but I’d like to lose more.

SALESWOMAN: You got it! For a modest monthly subscription.

PANEL 3

It’s now spring, and there are little pink flowers on the tree. The customer, in stretchy pants and a loose fitting long-sleeved top, returns with a grocery cart filled with bags of money. The saleswoman is cheery, but the customer is downcast. There are now so many moneybags under the counter that some are spilling out the side.

CUSTOMER: Now I’ve gained all the weight back… And a little more.

SALESWOMAN: You need our super subscription plan. It comes with an app!

PANEL 4

The tree is full and green again. The customer is back, with the shopping cart piled so high with money that she’s mostly hidden behind it. The room is filled with money bags, and the saleswoman is lounging on the pile of money, smiling happily.

CUSTOMER: Does it worry you that your weight loss plans keep on failing?

SALESWOMAN: Oh, yes, definitely. So very concerned!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure cartoonists’ term for fun background details. There’s a poster on the wall which says “Love Yourself,” but in the first three panels we can’t see the complete poster because the saleswoman stands in front of it. In panel four, we can finally see the small print below “Love Yourself”: “Not yet. Later. Once there’s less of you.”

Weight Loss Inc. | Patreon