Another collaboration with the chicken-fat-mad Mike Lawrence! That trap-filled hopscotch board was entirely Mike’s idea.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two friends walking through a wooded park. One is a man wearing a baseball cap and an orange T-shirt, so I’ll call him ORANGE. The other is a woman wearing a red plaid shirt, so I’ll call her PLAID.

PANEL 1

Orange smiles as he reads something on his smartphone. Plaid looks interested.

ORANGE: Look at this! Another study found that basic income works!

PLAID: What’s basic income?

PANEL 2

Orange explains while Plaid hops through a hopscotch grid drawn on the path.

ORANGE: It’s the government giving everyone a basic income, so we’re all guaranteed enough to live on.

PLAID: That sounds amazing. But… if we had that, why would anyone work?

PANEL 3

Orange gestures emphatically with his free hand. Plaid walks with one hand thoughtfully against her chin.

ORANGE: That’s been studied so much… Over and over, when people are given basic incomes, they don’t stop working!

PLAID: Hmm… I’m still against it.

PANEL 4

Orange looks baffled. Plaid shrugs.

ORANGE: But why?

PLAID: I just can’t believe anything that good is possible.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obsolete cartoonists’ term for unimportant but fun details slipped into the art.

PANEL 1: A little gray alien is flying a flying-saucer-shaped kite.

PANEL 2: The hopscotch grid is full of traps, including a spider, tacks, a Lego brick, a mouse frantically waving its arms as if to say “Don’t step on me!,” a pile of poop, a whoopee cushion, a mousetrap, and a bear trap. A “wanted” poster for a raccoon with an eyepatch is nailed to a tree.

PANEL 3: A sasquatch and an Ewok are hiding behind trees; the sasquatch signals to the Ewok to be quiet.

PANEL 4: The raccoon from Panel 2’s “wanted” poster is hiding in the bushes.

CLOTHES: Orange’s T-shirt shows a smiley face in Panel 1, an alien smiley in Panel 2, the blood-spattered Watchmen smiley in Panel 3, and the Hitchhiker’s Guide smiley-faced planet in Panel 4.

Plaid’s T-shirt shows an ear of corn in Panel 2 and a human ear in Panel 4.

Orange’s cap has a picture of a fly (insect) in panel 1, and a picture of a fly (pants) in panel 2.

The Basic Barrier | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The first three show a wealthy, middle-aged couple in their luxurious living room with their poodle. I’ll call them MAN and WOMAN.

PANEL 1

The man leaps up from the sofa, staring with horror at his phone. The woman, sitting beside him, looks concerned.

MAN: Oh my God!! How could they do this?

WOMAN: What? What’s happened?

PANEL 2

A close-up of the anguished man holding his phone toward us. The phone displays a news page with the giant headline “NEW TAX.”

MAN: They’ve passed a new tax on billionaires!

PANEL 3

Back in the living room, the man sits hunched forward with his face in his hands. The woman throws her arms into the air, wailing.

MAN: Why are they doing this to us?

WOMAN: Because billionaires are the only minority it’s still acceptable to pick on! They won’t stop until we’re absolutely crushed!

PANEL 4

A large caption says “TWO YEARS LATER.”

The Woman from the first three panels is with a friend, relaxing in swimsuits on cushioned lounge chairs on a yacht, beside a swimming pool. A waiter approaches with a tray.

FRIEND: So how did that “billionaire tax” turn out for you two?

WOMAN: Devastating! We still haven’t recovered.

WAITER: Hors d’oeuvre?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is old-fashioned cartoonists’ slang for little unimportant but hopefully fun details in the art.

Panel 1: The painting on the wall is American Gothic, but with Statler and Waldorf from The Muppet Show. The coffee-table books are titled “RICH: YOU DESERVE IT!,” “POOR: THEY DESERVE ZIP!” and “MIDDLE CLASS: WHO CARES?” A poodle naps beside the couple, while a Koons balloon-dog sculpture is on the coffee table. Outside the window, a giant hand atop a building flashes a peace sign.

Panel 2: Other stories on the phone include “ABE VIGODA FOUND ALIVE,” “SHOCKER! RICH IDIOT BUYS $40,000 PHONE!” and (in a partially cropped off thumbnail) “CROP truncate shorten cut off.” The “$40,000 phone” image shows the same phone the man is holding up —and even the same hand. (And yes, that phone — the “Agent Q Himalaya Alligator Gold & Diamond” — is real.)

Panel 3: The coffee-table books now refer to Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” routine: “WHO — FIRST,” “WHAT — SECOND” and “DON’T CARE — SHORTSTOP.” A framed photo of the Monopoly Man sits on the end table. A rat in a tux holds a cocktail. The poodle pees on the Koons sculpture.

Panel 4: The poodle wears sunglasses and reads a magazine. The Loch Ness Monster (but with a duck head) swims in the ocean. The rat from panel 3, wearing swim trunks, is doing the back float in the pool.

Those Poor, Poor Billionaires | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

This cartoon is by me and the amazing Mike Lawrence.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

Panel 1

The year is 2024. A WOMAN and a MAN sit at a table in a coffee shop, looking at their phones.

WOMAN: The Supreme Court says no official act by the president can be a crime! Can we call it fascism yet?

MAN: Of course not. Don’t be hysterical.

Panel 2

The year is 2025. The WOMAN and MAN stand outside in snowy weather; the woman is pointing to something on her phone.

WOMAN: ICE invaded Minneapolis! Masked government agents are kidnapping people! Can we call it fascism now?

MAN: No! It’s bad, but let’s not exaggerate.

Panel 3

The year is 2026. The WOMAN and MAN sit on a park bench. She reads from her phone.

WOMAN: The White House says it’ll eradicate “Antifa militants” and ignore civil liberties. Can we call it fascism yet?

MAN: Enough with the doomerism!

Panel 4

The year is 2030. Armed, armored government troops stand nearby. The WOMAN begins to speak, but the frightened MAN stops her.

WOMAN: Can we—

MAN: Shhh! Do you want to get us arrested?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an ancient cartooning term for fun but unimportant details in the art.

PANEL 1: The coffee shop is called “Bump & GRIND (not a strip club).” The menu offers “brewtentious latte, true brew, vessel w/ pestle, dragon flagon, palace chalice, hot tea” and in a section marked “Pies,” offers “whim pie, pup pie, gup pie, hip pie, and yup pie.” Groucho Marx’s decapitated head is in the pastry case. The extremely embarrassed-looking barista is reading a book called 5000 Shades of Gray. The coffee mugs have a logo consisting of the words “BAD LOGO” arranged around a pile of poop. A tentacle is reaching up from under the table to grab the pie.

PANEL 2: There’s a “Calvin and Hobbes” snowman in the background. The logo on his jacket says “pradagonia.” A bird in the tree is bundled up with a scarf and knit hat.

PANEL 3: Fozzie Bear peers out of a hollow in the tree. A groundhog emerges from a hole in the ground. The MAN’s boba tea appears to be filled with eyeballs. The man’s t-shirt says “REBEL ™”.

PANEL 4: Graffiti reads “Romanes Eunt Domus” and “We Leader.” There appears to be a shark swimming in the filthy water beside the sidewalk.

Can We Call It Fascism Yet? | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins

.

Transcript of Cartoon

Panel 1

A fat woman is shopping in a clothing store, flipping through dresses on a rack and looking annoyed. A thin woman beside her, trying to be reassuring, touches her shoulder. A little lightning-bolt like zap emanates from the thin woman.

FAT WOMAN: Why don’t they make nice clothes for fat women?

THIN WOMAN: You’re not fat! You’re beautif—

THIN WOMAN: AAAAGH!

Panel 2

A city skyline. Lightning-bolt like “zaps” are emanating from two different places in the city.

VOICE 1: You’re not fat, you’re bea— Ow!

VOICE 2: You’re not fat, you’re— GHAAAAH!

Panel 3

A hand holds up a phone showing a nervous looking TV news anchor.

NEWS ANCHOR: Scientists are baffled by a sudden plague of minor but extremely painful shocks whenever anyone says… uh… never mind.

Panel 4

Two women sit at a cafe table. One looks at her phone, talking to the fat woman from panel 1, who smiles contentedly.

FRIEND: You had one magic wish you could have used on anything, and this was your choice?

FAT WOMAN: No regrets.

You’re Not Fat, You’re Beautiful | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each panel shows a powerful leader early in a war.

Panel 1

A smiling King George III sits at a fancy writing desk, feather quill in hand.

CAPTION: King George III. November 1776.

KING GEORGE: We’ve taken the city of New York! The rebel army will surely quit soon!

CAPTION: All dialogue paraphrased from real statements.

Panel 2

General MacArthur, seen from behind, stands admiring himself in a mirror, grinning around his famous corncob pipe.

CAPTION: General MacArthur. November 1950.

MACARTHUR: Our troops in Korea will be home by Christmas!

Panel 3

Vice President Dick Cheney, grinning broadly, sits in an office.

CAPTION: Vice President Cheney. March 2003.

CHENEY: Iraq will take weeks, not months.

Panel 4

On a Fox News TV broadcast, President Obama smiles while holding up a forefinger.

CAPTION: President Obama. March 2011.

OBAMA: Libya will take days, not weeks.

Panel 5

President Trump sits in bed, wearing pajamas and tapping on his phone.

CAPTION: President Trump. March 2026.

TRUMP: We won! In the first hour it was over!

Panel 6

AI President Lincoln, a cartoon Abraham Lincoln head on a round video screen, held suspended in the air with tubes, is speaking in front of a podium.

CAPTION: AI President Lincoln. May 2045.

AI PRESIDENT LINCOLN: The war on Canada will be over fifteen minutes before it begins!

Chicken fat watch

In the King George panel, a bottle is labeled “Royal Brain Tonic. Contains arsenic and mercury.” A strange tentacle is reaching up to the window. The note George is writing says “I have no idea what,” an allusion to my brain drawing a blank when it was time to fill that in. A crown is hanging on a coat rack. The dog is wearing a peruke (aka a curly white wig). There’s a framed portrait of Lucy from “Peanuts,” wearing a crown.

In the MacArthur panel, MacArthur is admiring himself in the mirror (MacArthur was famously an egotist). A “MASH” lunchbox has a picture of Hawkeye holding a cocktail. The bird on MacArthur’s hat is holding some marijuana and a missile. There’s a baseball above its head, and the ribbon it’s holding says “Most Overdone Hat.”

In the Cheney panel, there’s a trophy labeled Best Sneer 2003. A framed note says: Dear Dicky, please don’t shoot me in my face and then make me apologize. Love, Harry.

In the Obama panel, the Fox News logo actually says “New Foxes.” The chyron says “Obama declared king of snobs,” and the second line says “fam tortures cartoonist with incessant sports TV.” On the wall in the background is a basketball hoop, and a framed Nobel Peace Prize, labeled “Presented to Barack Obama in recognition of his achievements in not being George Bush.” A mouse in the foreground is reading “The Cider Mouse Rules.”

In the Trump panel, a huge container on the nightstand is labeled “Tub o’ Orange: executive face goop.” Trump’s pajamas are covered with his “T” logo, which is also on his pillow. There’s a framed picture of Greenland inside a heart. There’s a framed print of Trump’s sketch of a woman’s nude torso (which he infamously sent to Jeffrey Epstein). A note lying on the bed says “Dear Don, you are the GREATEST smartest strongest leader EVER! Yrs, Don.” There’s a hole in the wall near the floor, and we can see an eye peering out.

In the AI Lincoln panel, protesters hold signs saying “Don’t blame me, I voted for AI Nixon” and “Unfair, Unreal, Unplug.” The podium has a seal with the X (formerly Twitter) logo and the words Formerly Known As The United States of America. The AI Lincoln on the screen is not wearing a hat, but a stovepipe hat is perched atop the screen.

RECEIPTS

Panel One: In a letter to Lord North, dated November 4, 1776, King George III wrote:

Nothing can have been better planned, nor with more alacrity executed, than the taking of the city of New York, and I trust the rebell [sic] army will soon be dispersed.

Panel Two: On November 28, 1950, General MacArthur wrote:

“You tell the boys that when they get to the Yalu River they are going home. I want to make good on my statement that they are going to eat Christmas dinner at home.”

Panel Three: On March 16, 2003, appearing on “Face the Nation,” Cheney was asked if he thought the war would be “a long war or a short war?” Cheney said it would go “relatively quickly.” Pressed for more specifics, Cheney said “Weeks rather than months.”

Panel Four: From ABC News, March 18, 2011:

President Obama told a bipartisan group of members of Congress today that he expects the U.S. would be actively involved in any military action against Libya for “days, not weeks,” after which he said the U.S. would take more of a supporting role, sources tell ABC News.

Panel Five: In a speech in Kentucky on March 11, 2026, Trump said:

Let me tell you, we’ve won. You know, you never like to say too early you won. We won. We won the — in the first hour, it was over. We won.

No receipts for panel six. :-p

A Brief History of Brief Wars | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

This comic was drawn by R.E. Ryan, who did a great job rendering my silly version of Colonial America.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a “kicker” panel underneath.

PANEL 1

In colonial times, Thomas Jefferson is walking after Thomas Paine, holding up an open bible.

JEFFERSON: Hey Thomas Paine — check this out!

PAINE: Hey yourself, Thomas Jefferson. It’s the Bible, but… you’ve cut it up?

PANEL 2

A close-up on Jefferson. We can now see that his copy of the Bible has been cut up; Jefferson is holding scissors in his other hand.

JEFFERSON: Precisely! I cut out the bullshit: miracles, the virgin birth, Jesus being God. What’s left is the good stuff—love your neighbor, give to charity.

PANEL 3

Jefferson tucks his bible under his arm. Paine looks very conceited.

JEFFERSON: I call it “separating diamonds from dunghills.”

PAINE: Nice! You’ve obviously been reading MY work. “Religion was invented to enslave people.”

PANEL 4

We switch to the current day; we are looking at a hand holding a smartphone. On the phone’s screen is a YouTube-style app, playing a video of someone sitting in his car yelling at his camera.

MAN: FACT! The Founding Fathers meant the USA to be a CHRISTIAN nation devoted to our lord JESUS CHRIST!

KICKER PANEL

Paine folds his arms and looks at Jefferson sternly. Jefferson looks abashed and turns away.

PAINE: So Jefferson — have you freed your slaves yet?

JEFFERSON: Oh dear, I’m suddenly needed in Monticello.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure term once used by cartoonists for irrelevant but fun details in the art.

PANEL 2: A bird on the fence is wearing a white wig with elaborate curls, aka a Founding Father wig. Graffiti on the fence shows a heart with “GB + US 4VR” written inside but the heart is crossed out.

PANEL 3: A beer cart is in the background, with a sign saying “BEER: It’s what’s for breakfast.” A drunk child sits against the cart, drinking from an enormous mug. On the cart’s other side, a cat is lapping at some spilled beer, while a drunk rat has passed out. A smaller sign on the cart says “HEAD CHEESE – Made from REAL calf head!”

PANEL 4: The website is called “ScrewLoose.” The video channel is named “MrBased.” The thumbnails for other videos say: “ANGER: I will NOT let them CANCEL me,” “FEAR: How WOKE is COMING for your KIDS,” and “BUY VITAMINS: THEY don’t want you to KNOW about these PILLS!”

Two Toms Talking Theology | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. They all show the same scene – an ordinary-looking white guy in a living room, talking to a shiny floating pink ball.

Panel 1

MAN: Magic wishing ball! Of course I’ve got nothing against brown people, but I’m desperate to fix unemployment and the deficit — so I wish all the immigrants gone!

Panel 2

The man is eagerly looking at his phone.

MAGIC BALL (thought): I’ll teach this rube a cruel ironic lesson!

MAGIC BALL: Wish granted!

MAN: Oh boy! I’ve gotta see this!

Panel 3

The man has a betrayed expression as he reads his phone.

MAN: Hey! Unemployment and the deficit are both much higher!

Panel 4

MAGIC BALL (thought): Buh bu bum! My trap is sprung!

MAGIC BALL: That’s right! Taking away millions of workers shrunk the economy. There was a major recession! The economy crashed!

Panel 5

MAGIC BALL You also made the country whiter — but those white people will be poorer for generations because of your bigo—

MAN: The country’s whiter?

MAGIC BALL: Yes, but—

Panel 6

The man jumps happily, clicking his heels together.

MAN (shouting): Success!!

MAGIC BALL (thought): Fuck.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an ancient cartoonist term for unimportant details in the art.

PANEL 1: Woodstock from Peanuts is standing on the window. The empty cardboard box the Magic Wishing Ball came in has the slogans: “Fun!” “Amaze your friends!” “Irony!” and “Fake true love!”

PANEL 2: The cat on the sofa has two heads. In a table in the background, a mouse stands a bowl of nuts, holding up a knife and fork.

PANEL 3: Beaker from The Muppets is peering in the window.

PANEL 5: The character in the framed picture on the wall (last seen in panel 2) is climbing out of the frame. One of the flowers in the carpet pattern is smiling and smoking a joint.

PANEL 6: A bird flying outside the window has Groucho Marx’s face. A tiny Harpo Marx is peering out from behind the throw pillow. The corpse of Micky Mouse is lying under the sofa (we can only see his hand). The figure from the framed picture on the wall is now standing on the sidetable. (He has a letter on his shirt in every panel he appears: The letters spell out W O R D.) The three books in the lower shelf of the side table are entitled “Who Cares?” “Irrelevant” and “Unimportant.” And Itchy (from “Itchy and Scratchy”) is also on that shelf.

Wishing Immigrants Away | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

This cartoon is by me and R. E. Ryan.  It’s from 2024, but I forgot to post it on leftycartoons until now!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A man with a big mustache, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt, has a sneery grin as he points at a woman. The woman, whose back is to us, listens with her hands on her hips. Let’s call the man “MUSTACHE.”

MUSTACHE: In a thousand years, scientists will be able to tell your skeleton was male! HA!

PANEL 2

The same scene, but now the woman’s body language is surprised, and Mustache is grasping at his chest and has an expression of agony.

MUSTACHE: ACK! Heart attack!

PANEL 3

We are viewing Mustache in his open coffin; there’s a casket spray (that’s what the traditional flower arrangements that lie on top of coffins are called, and that’s something I didn’t know until I googled it two minutes ago because I was writing this transcript)  on the coffin. There’s a photo of him when he was alive on a tripod next to the coffin. His eyes are closed and he looks at peace. Ironically, his hands, folded on his chest, are in almost exactly the same position as in panel 2.

PANEL 4

We are looking at a cross-section view of a grave in a graveyard. We can see that a coffin is buried sex feet under. In the background, we can see the skyscrapers of a city.

PANEL 5

We are looking at the same scene, from the same angle, but now a hole has been dug and two sleek white floating robots are lifting the coffin out of the grave. In the background, we can see a sci-fi cityscape, with lots of tiny spaceships in the sky.

PANEL 6

We are in some sort of sci-fi medical research lab. In the background, we can see screens with various graphs and readouts on the wall, including one with a diagram of a skeleton surrounded by labels. One of the robots we saw in panel five is working at a panel of buttons. In the foreground, two scientists with sci-fi looking eyewear are thoughtfully examining a skeleton on an examination table; one of the scientists is scanning the skeleton with a handheld device.

The skeleton is Mustache’s (we can tell because his mustache has somehow survived).

SCIENTIST: The scans are conclusive – this skeleton was an asshat.

What Will Future Archeologists Say? | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Everyone’s looking for a cartoon about information bubbles, right?

I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.

PANEL 1

Two people are walking along a cliff’s edge and chatting. The first is wearing jeans and an orange t-shirt; the second is wearing black pants, a white polo shirt, and a VR headset that completely covers his eyes.

Tshirt looks irritated, Polo is cheery.

TSHIRT: How can you say the economy’s good? Everything’s awful! Oil prices, drug prices, yo-yo tariffs, the rampant corruption…!

POLO: I don’t see any of that!

PANEL 2

A closer shot of Polo shows that his VR goggles are covered with stickers for right-wing news outlets – NewsMax, Fox News, Truth Social, X, and others.

TSHIRT: Of course you don’t see it — you’ve got your Fox goggles on.

POLO: Hey, my goggles are the only thing that shows me the truth! Which is that—

PANEL 3

Polo trips over a stone, falling directly into Tshirt.

POLO: Whoops!

PANEL 4

Tshirt and Polo fall off the cliff and are falling an enormous distance.

POLO: We’re in a golden age!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is ancient cartooning slang for unimportant details in the art.

PANEL 1: A notice posted on a tree says “WANTED: Actualization, Self-Esteem, Belonging, Safety, Physiological.” (This is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.) Groucho Marx is lying on the grass in the background. A tiny bike-rider is riding down the other tree.

PANEL 3: There’s a cloud person fishing sitting on the upper-left cloud. There’s a cool snake (cool because it’s wearing sunglasses) wrapped around the tree trunk, and an evil bunny (evil because smoking a cig) at the base of the tree.

PANEL 4: The middle cloud on the left side of the panel has a big face in it. (Rotate 90 degrees clockwise if you have trouble seeing it).

THE T-SHIRT: Every instance of the T-Shirt shows a different character or thing shaped like a tube with a puff on top: Burt from Sesame Street, Beaker from The Muppet Show, Road Runner from Looney Tunes, and a carrot.

Fox Goggles | Patreon

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels, arranged in a circle, with arrows pointing clockwise leading from one panel to the next. In the center of the circle is a large caption, saying “The Kitchen Table Cycle.”

UPPER LEFT PANEL

This panel shows a smartphone. On the smartphone screen, an angry man wearing a suit and tie is talking.

MAN: The only thing the Democratic candidate ever talks about is trans issues! Trans trans trans!

An arrow leads from this to the

LOWER RIGHT PANEL

Three Democrats sit in a treehouse; a sign on the treehouse says “Democrat Strategy Meeting (No progressives allowed). One of them is speaking.

SPEAKER: The pundits say we lost by talking too much about “identity politics.” Next time, our candidate has to be a centrist who only talks about kitchen table issues!

An arrow leads from this to the

LOWER LEFT PANEL

A politician stands behind a podium giving a speech.

CANDIDATE: As your Democratic candidate, let me just say: Kitchen table! Kitchen Table! Kitchen Table!

An arrow leads from this back to the upper left panel with the cellphone.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is old-fashioned cartoonist speak for little extras in the cartoon.

UPPER LEFT PANEL: The Fox News logo says “Cur Fews. Go to bed.” The chyron says “Democrats hate all puppies” and the second chyron says “New science proves: everything is still Biden’s fault.” Below the Fox News screen, there are six thumbnails leading to suggested videos. The thumbnail captions read: Owned! Crushed! Cooked! Demolished! Murderized! And then, in smaller letters, “I attempted to refute their position with persuasive arguments.”

LOWER RIGHT PANEL: The treehouse is modeled after the treehouse in my favorite comic strip of all time, “Calvin and Hobbes.” There’s a hole in the tree trunk; in the hole is a giant rat wearing a top hat and bow tie.

LOWER LEFT PANEL: The seal on the front of the podium has a picture of Sam the Eagle from the Muppets (it’s a little hard to make out because of the foreshortening, alas). The paper lying on the podium says “Tiny print no one reads.”

The Kitchen Table Cycle | Patreon