Donuts, Dwarfs and Dimwits

There is a group of scientists from the University of California San Francisco who have released their research on what they claim is a major health crisis caused by consumption of sugar. They are adamant that sugar is toxic and that its distribution should be controlled like alcohol or tobacco and that its products not be sold to kids under age 17. If they get their way, I can see problems down the road..

Who would police this? Do you think our cops have the resources? Or the inclination? Offhand I don’t see any police force planning to infiltrate and bust a high school desert ring. And even if they do, I somehow don’t see the lead officer proudly displaying for the media a stash of confiscated Timbits. And do you see some school kids getting suspended because they violate the school’s policy of zero tolerance Sprite? Certainly if these researchers get their way, sweets will be at a premium. We would likely see them sold at duty free shops. If you are out of Canada for at least 7 days, you would be allowed to import a liter of Crown Royal, a carton of cigarettes and a dozen muffins. Not my cup of tea.

Also in the news these days is the subject of dwarf tossing. This practice is illegal in Florida, New York, France and other places but still OK in Ontario. In this province the once proposed Dwarf Tossing Ban Act never got past first reading. In fact in Windsor, a club called Leopard’s Lounge, advertises a contest attracting folks from distant places. Leopards announces, "All skill levels of dwarf tossers are welcome to attend this event, from rookies to veterans to dwarf-tossing pros."

My question is, who in their right might would boast about this skill? When applying for a job, would this person complete his resume and under the section, “hobbies and pastimes”, put down “dwarf tossing pro”? Then again, who in their right mind would travel from distant points to Windsor to watch some dimwits throw a dwarf across the room?