let’s altogether stop using the h— word {homosexual & homosexuality}.

i really believe in the power and urgent need for helpful and respectful dialogue, and it has been my experience that when we refer to gay folks and their families as homosexuals, it often brings pain, disrespect and creates damaging division.

jenell paris in her article the invention of homosexuality and heterosexuality:

In the 19th century, medical sex researchers created the categories “heterosexual” and “homosexual” in an attempt to make sense of proper or deviant sexuality. Those categories have shifted over time.

They have meant different things. We now have different words like lesbian, gay, and bisexual added to the repertoire. But the concept that sexual feelings are linked to identity is a 19th-century medical concept.

language matters, especially for those of us in church leadership. let’s offer inclusive and thoughtful language that highlights the loving and kind nature of the One we follow.

in my conversations, i choose the words gay & lesbian; referring to a male same-sex relationship and family as gay, and female same-sex relationship and family as lesbian.

let’s agree!  in the spirit of love and respect, let’s retire the h— word for good.

and now, children’s ministry rockstars. last week, i had a great conversation with a children’s ministry leader regarding giving volunteers more responsibility and new tasks. we were discussing her lack of volunteers in a specific area, and brainstorming ways to get new people involved. she began telling me about one volunteer, a true rockstar, who she wished she could multiple by a million. it occurred to me to change her focus from recruiting to empowering her rockstars for greater long-term impact.

at willow, bill hybels often talks about high capacity volunteers, or people who have greater capacity for more responsibility, and how as leaders, we must recognize these folks are and give them additional responsibility and ministry promotions.

in children’s ministry, i think, for fear of burning out our volunteers, we far too often lean the opposite direction. we don’t ask rockstars to do more. we let them sit in their roles doing the same thing-sunday-in-and-out, fearing if we disrupt the boat, they’ll walk out on us. but here’s the thing, usually when we don’t give rockstars more to do, we burn them out. they get bored, and look for other places they can use their full gifts.

once upon a time i volunteered at a church in the two-year-old room. providing childcare for two-year-olds was not my favorite thing, but along the way, the children’s director noticed i had more to offer and asked to me to help choose new curriculum for that classroom. without that additional responsibility, i would have quit in less than a year.

this week, make a list of your rockstars: the volunteers who excel in their roles, always exceed your expectations, and seem happy while serving. invite them out for coffee. ask questions about their gifting, and their current level of enjoyment, and if there are other things they dream about doing in the ministry. listen to their answers carefully.

if they say yes, listen and empower them to start working immediately. if they are unaware of additional things they could do, suggest a few ideas involving leadership and managing teams and curriculum organization. if you see a new smile on their face, call them a rockstar and tell them their volunteer life is about to become a bit more rocking-er!

but, if not closely monitored {by the hobby police, of course}, work for me can become all-consuming. and, as much fun as that is, i’d rather be evolving into a well-rounded whole person committed to family, friends, work and the hobbies that bring fresh life.

along those lines, i’ve started a small, simple blog called Amy Out Of Office. i’ll be documenting my journey through pictures, recipes, and stories, and i’ll be posting thoughts on discovering life outside of the church office. i’d love if you’d join me.

in an attempt to be far more intentional, yesterday i spent the afternoon at the bookstore looking for books directly unrelated to my work. it wasn’t easy. there’s a magnetic pull inside my body towards the leadership, church, and religion sections.

yesterday, i fought the pull, and spent time in the cooking, style and music sections. these are the books i’m reading outside the office:

Living in a Nutshell by Janet Lee

Still by Lauren F. Winner

Ali in Wonderland by Ali Wentworth

Decoded by Jay-Z

Vegan Cooking for Carnivores by Roberto Martin

The Pioneer Woman Cooks by Ree Drummond

what are you doing outside the office? are you reading anything unrelated to kidmin?

the curriculum isn’t printed in the correct color ink. parents are receiving too many forms of communication. the music is too loud. the classrooms are too cold. the nursery is too hot. i wish we could hire someone better. {all true statements directed towards me}

sometimes we let the negative voices = the loudest voices. i’m not a fan.

a few tips, i’ve found helpful for managing the negative folks in ministry:

listen & understand  take time to listen to the person’s opinion and work hard to truly understand his perspective. all behavior {usually} makes sense within it’s context. always start by assuming the best, and by seeking understanding.

determine helpful communication  i’ve met a whole swarm of negative voices with really great ideas! the problem is they too often choose to express themselves in ways that discourage others from hearing their ideas. if you want to include a person’s ideas but the style of communication is getting you down, consider alternative ways for communicating ideas. suggest an email or handwritten note instead of meeting in person or over the phone. you set the tone {and rules} for helpful communication.

create an environment of positivity determine that a positive environment for volunteers, children and parents will be a high priority. it’s helpful to say, “we’re looking to create a positive environment and we need positive people to lead and serve.” when the negative voices show their face, give a gentile reminder, “this is a positive environment, i’m happy to discuss this further when you’re able to contribute positively.” and bonus! when the positive folk hear this, they’ll be encouraged to continue using helpful, positive tones.

never go alone always, always, always take a teammate with you to a meeting that might include negative folks. it’s good to have additional support and backup when things start heading towards negative town. and, always keep your supervisor and pastor updated with negative folk behavior by sending a quick email or requesting an occasional extra meeting. i’ve always been super glad to have my pastor’s support. always.

determine boundaries & move along decide how much negativity you’ll allow into your ministry and set strict boundaries in order to enforce. when negativity attacks, it’s easy to tell ourselves to not take it personally. but, c’mon! how can we not? it usually feels so personal. do all you can to protect your energy and heart. if you notice that a negative phone call derails your week, ask the person not to call during the week. for goodness sake, you have a culture of positivity to create and lead. aint no one gonna stop you!

how have you managed negative folks? share your tips!

this year, celebrate memorial day by giving families in your church michael’s road trip pack!  each family who joins the WITB email list will receive the downloadable pack free. also, everyone who joins will be entered to win a $25 gas card for that very special memorial day road trip. the giveaway ends on friday, may 25 at noon, so hurry!

and, of course, be sure to pop in your favorite WITB video while on your road trip. hopefully, there won’t be one person in the car who gets the super catchy theme song stuck in her head and sings it repeatedly to the rest of the family who is innocently trapped in the car simply trying to enjoy a peaceful and relaxing scenic drive.

that’s never happened to me. i’ve just heard from others. happy memorial day!

while in los angeles, i had dinner with bethany. we ate caprese flatbread, and chicken cobb salad, and i had my very first taste of pinkberry, and when the meal was over, i walked her home and paused in deep gratitude for the friendship god had given.

ten years ago, i met bethany, a young 15 year-old who had recently moved to chicago and found her way to my children’s ministry classroom. she volunteered to lead a preschool small group, and lead the large group time. she was an energetic, super-mature, friendly teenager trying to find her way in a new high school and new church.

because of her outgoing personality and curiosity for the world, she quickly made friends and become a leader of all-sorts. i watched weekend after weekend as she led and taught children and invited her new friends to volunteer alongside her. she challenged our curriculum, helped write new music, and brought endless hours of laughter to our team as she tried on funny costumes and props. she was a delight to lead!

but, you never really know when you’re in the middle of leading volunteers {especially student volunteers} if you’re providing meaning or true community in any sense. you hope you’re not taking advantage, or simply filling spots with able bodies. you trust you’re doing your best, and that the volunteer experience will grow a person’s faith.

and then, last sunday while visiting LA, bethany showed me around her apartment and her neighborhood, and told me about her job and new church, and as we sat at dinner talking about the pain of being child-less {me} and single {her} in the church, i realized the joy of leading her as a young teenager had in fact turned out to be a gift to me.

back then, i rejoiced when she showed up on time and memorized her script.

today, i rejoice as she asks first about my faith and listens to my stories.

leading student volunteers is, of course, worth the effort. they teach children in bold ways, and they are leaders, and creatives, and artists in every sense of the word.

and yet, for all the years, blood, sweat, and tears we pour into volunteers giving them all we’ve got, we sometimes forget to open our eyes to see the blessings they give to us.

today, tomorrow, and this weekend open your eyes to the goodness god gives through your very own volunteers. they are a blessing from him to you.

volunteers are a gift. especially when they turn into friends.

while at the event, i took a whole heap of pictures from Rock Harbor’s children’s ministry rooms, which are really tremendous. i absolutely love the value placed on children’s artwork {there were places to create and display art everywhere} and the value of simplicity expressed in design, color choices, and lack of clutter. enjoy!

Entrance to Kids’ Classrooms

Registration & Information Area

Early Childhood Classroom called “The Playhouse”

Chalkboards along the walls for children’s drawings

Hallway Board for parents to pick up take-home papers

Art Board inside classrooms for children’s artwork

Nursery Classroom – love the color on the floor

5th Grade Classroom

Preschool Classroom

Preschool Classroom

Preschool Art Area

Elementary Large Group Room

Elementary Prayer / Quiet Response Area

Bible Story Timeline {on Chalkboard}

Elementary Small Group – Love the sign!

Elementary Art Area

i’m a big fan of counseling and therapy, and wished we invited professionals into our faith communities more often to share their wisdom and practices. their work could profoundly affect our ministry to families. amen?

i appreciated the speaker’s approach, his thoughts sparked a further thought for me {for a future blog post} on the distinction between pastoral care and professional care. as leaders and pastors, we often walk that line so carefully that it can be hard to know the right moment to refer a child or family to professional care. we want to care for them, but often their situations are beyond our experiences and education. let’s be quick to refer families to professionals. what do you think? 

of course, i had hoped this session would include a few words about loving & serving {non} traditional families, but hey, i’m a little obsessed with the topic, so what can i say?

Dr. Gregg Jantz Session Notes

i actually first met matt years ago during a conference at elmbrook church. what now feels like an eternity ago, i attended a session he taught on children & digital teaching methods {before any of us even knew what digital teaching meant}.

the class was so inspiring and helpful that years later while working on the conspire conference, i tasked my sister with finding matt and inviting him to teach the same workshop. she worked overtime tracking him down, he led a stellar workshop, and the rest is history.

today, matt spoke on storytelling, and shared 4 ways to tell stories: collaboratively, visually, dramatically, and theologically. the reminders were great, and the emphasis on using visual images and learning to draw was super inspiring. i’m planning to follow up with a resource matt mentioned: austin kleon’s Steal Like an Artist.

Matt Guevara Workshop Notes

oh! the giveaways keep coming! {don’t forget to enter this one, too!} i’ve got a copy of the big god story to give to you. leave a comment with your best tip for storytelling. one book + one winner + a whole heap of great storytelling tips = a good day!

congrats, frank tan–you’re the winner of the big god story!

my mind is thinking about the President’s comments yesterday on gay marriage, and honestly, this morning i’m grateful for his words. this will help accelerate our conversation in children’s ministry on how we serve and love all families. we needed something like this to get our conversations going, and help us feel the urgency in serving the modern family. until now, we’ve had occasional conversations here and there, but the President’s words change everything. and for that, i’m grateful.

this morning’s session led by michelle anthony focused on the Gospel–all of it’s messiness and complexity, that it’s a story to be lived not a speech to be memorized.

and, i’m thinking about the {non} traditional families in our churches who are looking for us to live out a super messy gospel. for us, living out the gospel with love, and care, and understanding, and a listening ear is how we might best proclaim jesus’ good news to all.

Michelle Anthony’s Session Notes

also! i’ve got a copy of michelle’s yet-to-be-released book dreaming of more for the next generation. leave a one-sentence comment describing your dream for the next gen. i’ll choose one winner to receive the book. good luck!

congrats, matt norman — you’ve won michelle’s new book!