Lesbiatopia

Lesbian Dating: How to Take the First Step and Make it Last

2012-04-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

By: Rebecca Jones

Are you proud to be a lesbian? Although declaring yourself a lesbian is much easier now, there are many who face problems in basic relationships. Relationships are a tough call. On top of that if you are meant to deal with an added prejudice that you face from the society then relationships become a very difficult game indeed. To top it all, the yardsticks and dating tips that are easily available, mostly adhere to the traditional heterosexual couples. Does this mean that you are going to give up your choices and live life according to standards that have been set by other people? Not in the least. Help is where you look for it.

The first step

If you like a girl, how do you take the first step? Firstly you will have to ascertain that she is interested in a gay relationship. Let us say, you like a girl, but are not sure whether she is gay. How to look out for the symbols of being gay? There are many symbols that are universally associated with being a lesbian. Some of the commonest ones are a rainbow or an inverted pink triangle.

In case you cannot find such signs, try breaking the ice with her and see her opinion on various issues. You could casually bring up the lesbian topic. The best way to go about it is by going for outings or coffees together. This helps you to know and understand her as well. Remember a strong relation always starts with a strong friendship. In the course of time you can come up with the truth. You could try going to pubs instead of a cafe as it is much easier to warm up after you have had a drink or two.

Making it work

Yet the most difficult part is making the relationship last. Remember one of the most important expectations in a gay relationship is equality. Under no circumstance get dominant or let the other person dominate you. Avoid competition or role playing. Another very important aspect in this regard is to discuss whether you want to be open about your relation or keep it under wraps. Since this is a sensitive issue, you really need to ensure that both you and your partner feel the same way about this. As in any other relation sexual health goes a long way in terms of relationship maintenance. Ensure that your relationship does not die the common lesbian bed death. Take time to know and understand her. You might not need to compromise but adjusting to each other’s wants and needs is very important.

While societies all over the world are increasingly becoming tolerant of homosexual relationships, you will be well aware that there will always be some stubborn jackass out there, who will believe that such relations are ‘unnatural’ and ‘abnormal’. This makes it doubly difficult for lesbians to not just maintain a healthy relation but also lead their daily lives. That is why it is good idea to socialize with people belonging to this community. This not only helps you deal with the social isolation but also allows you to pick up tips from your surrounding on how to make your relation work.

About the author: Rebecca Jones is a passionate blogger who enjoys writing on lifestyle the most. Apart from blogging, she loves collecting expensive watches and perfumes. Currently she is busy in looking out for some nice fireplace design ideas for her new house.

"THOSE LUCKY BASTARDS"

2012-03-15T12:33:00.005-07:00

I was recently invited to perform at a poetry/open mic that was celebrating Women's History Month, where I shared my latest poetry, a couple of favorite poems from one of my favorites, Dorothy Parker, and for the first time ever I shared a blog entry rant with an audience. I wrote it just for the occasion. I actually wrote it THAT night. I was so moved by a recent conversation, it just had to be done, and it seemed like the perfect occasion, and appropriate venue for it. So, here it be:

"THOSE LUCKY BASTARDS"
by Cynthia Rodriguez

I've never wanted kids. I've talked about this, and wrote about this before. Anyone who really knows me, knows how I feel about this issue on a personal basis. They know how my uterus goes into hiding just hearing about it. However, just because it's not for me does not mean I don't appreciate the miracle of birth. I know what a beautiful, and fascinating event it is. I've seen it happen live, up close, and personal, trust me. I have the utmost respect for ANY woman who can survive that.

Now, here's the thing. For almost a year now, I have been blessed to be in the most amazing relationship ever.* This woman,is almost half my age. She's beautiful, very loving, kind, and one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.

Okay. So this is the deal. She wants my baby. I mean seriously wants my biological child. And she is the ONLY one in my entire life that has made me even remotely consider the thought of parenting.

Now here's the challenge. I can't do that. And I don't think I need to explain why to anyone, right?

We have already discussed the several options of how we can possibly, in the future, make this happen. Because of the fact that same-sex couples cannot biologically reproduce together (not yet anyway, I'm sure someone will discover something someday and get obscenely rich over it), until then, we have to rely on things such as adoption agencies, sperm banks, and turkey basters.

Meanwhile, as we both ponder on what we understand is probably going to be a very pain-in-the-ass process for us, I have a conversation the other night with a friend of mine who shared with me about a semi- recent past pregnancy she had, and lost to a man who, in my opinion, was, for lack of a better phrase now, a piece o' shit.

"Walk away"? How can a man walk away from such a precious thing of their own making? Oh, how this angers me so. I think to myself, these men, these straight men anyway, have NO idea how lucky they are. To be blessed with this ability to physically connect with their female partner in a way that I will NEVER be able to connect with mine, and just to throw it away, like many of them do, there are just no words. Spreading their seed, and not giving a damn about it. Using, and abusing the mother of their children. Something so sacred. It makes me very sad. They don't appreciate it, and they don't realize what a gift that is.

I would do and give ANYTHING to be able to knock up my girlfriend. And not that I don't already, but I would treat her like a freakin' GODDESS. She'd be on a pedestal. I'd be like, "That's right. She is carrying MY baby." (Not "SPERM DONER # 268")

These guys betta reco'nize. They are some lucky bastards.

* For those of you who are not aware, YES, I am in a relationship. My first one in almost TEN years. I will be writing about that at another time.

and yes, I've come a LONG way from my first infamous Lesbiatopia blog rant:

"NOTES FROM A MIDDLE-AGED, JADED, BITTER LESBIAN"....

Need Advice, Ask a Queer: First Girlfriend Query

2012-02-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

So, I have been dating a woman for about 2 yrs. I am 33 and this is the first woman I have ever dated. She is 40 and she has been out for awhile. Everything has been great right from the start. It felt totally different and more wonderful than anything before. I felt completely drawn to her and still do. We have a connection and chemistry that has always been there. I was not drawn to her b/c of looks at first, it was more just the connection we had and things I felt. Now we are talking about marriage and kids and I can totally see a future w her. We have such a strong, supportive, caring, communicative relationship. Lately though I have been having doubts. I thought it was b/c she was a woman and that was so different for me (and part of it might be) but now I wonder if it’s b/c looks weren’t a priority at first. I mean, I think she is cute and am attracted to her, physically our relationship is awesome. But I have wondered if I am settling b/c she may not be what I would have ideally been attracted to had I been interested in girls before. I have been thinking more and more that maybe I am attracted to girls in general and it wasn't just this one?! So there is a part of me that is curious to explore this world but there is also a part of me that is afraid to lose what I have. I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down, I want a family and my gf does too. Plus, I have heard (and have seen) about so much drama in the lesbian community and craziness etc. So getting into that does not interest me especially if it means giving up something so good to test it out. Also, I wonder if the first time you date a woman, do u usually stay w that one or b/c it’s such a change does it take some time to settle into etc?! Maybe that seems like a dumb question but those are things I have thought about. Any advice or insight would be appreciated!

Dear Questioning,

It sounds like, despite your concerns, you have a wonderful relationship going on. In my experience, most women don't stay with the first girl they have ever dated but that also tends to be because most women are very young when they meet their first girlfriend. I was young when I met my first girlfriend and was very immature. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted, so naturally the relationship didn't last because we both still needed to do a lot of growing and exploring.

I feel like your situation is a little different because you have discovered your sexuality at an older age, and despite having just come out, you are pretty self-assured person and have a strong sense of what you want in life. In regards to your relationship, you said in your letter, "Everything has been great right from the start. It felt totally different and more wonderful than anything before. I felt completely drawn to her and still do. We have a connection and chemistry that has always been there. I was not drawn to her b/c of looks at first, it was more just the connection we had and things I felt. Now we are talking about marriage and kids and I can totally see a future w her. We have such a strong, supportive, caring, communicative relationship." I can tell you that most people spend years looking for these kind of qualities in a relationship, whether it be gay or straight. Now, you are having doubts, and that is completely normal. Your concern is that looks weren't a priority at first. You have to ask yourself, in the grand scheme of life and relationships, how important can looks really be? You, yourself, stated that you have a strong connection with this woman. Beauty is on the inside and it sounds like you have found a beautiful person.

It is hard to give advice in this situation because on one hand, you have have this wonderfully symbiotic partnership with someone who you adore but on the other hand, you have never dated other women and there is a strong, innate curiosity to explore the newness of that. You are older so you want to settle down, but you are "new" to the gay community. Here is my advice to you - doubts in your relationship or not, it is most important to be honest with your partner. If you haven't considered talking to her about what you are feeling right now, even in your state of confusion, you might want to sit down and have a talk with her. She is older, mature and has most likely been in a similar state of mind at some point in her life. Talk about where you are in your relationship, and ultimately what you both want. If you feel like your inability to explore is making you unhappy, than you need to address that. If you feel that you are truly happy with this woman and just having minor doubts, then let her know as well. Be positive about it and come at from a loving, respectful place.

Just remember, whether you are gay or straight, finding a truly wonderful connection/attraction to someone is rare. Being able to see a future with someone is also rare and sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side. If you break away to explore other women, you might find yourself ultimately coming up disappointed. Weigh your options, be open, be honest (to your partner and yourself) and follow your heart. If you do these things, you can and will find the happiness you want and deserve.

Best of luck to you in love and life!

Renee

Editor-in-Chief

Keep the Spice Alive in Your Long Term Lesbian Relationship

2012-02-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

By Rebecca Jones

In a lesbian relationship, it becomes more important to keep the intimacy, going, to make the relationship a successful one. A woman will always feel wanted in a lesbian relationship. They are always looking for comfort, security, and intimacy in a relationship. You will always know what your partner likes to hear. So tell her something that will make her feel special during and after the act. Always remind here that she means a lot to you and how much you love her. Every woman loves to hear this and she will really appreciate it. The relationship and the bond between the two will only grow stronger day by day.

Buy Some Clothes for Her

Buy clothes that will bring out the best in her. You must compliment on her looks and express your feelings. Say all the beautiful things that you can and tell her how much beautiful she looks. When you are in a lesbian relationship, you must be honest with your partner in all aspects. Do not be intimate with her just for the sake of it. Be genuine in your comments.

Get Flowers

To spice up the intimate relationship; how about decorating the bedroom with rose petals all over the place. Almost 90% of the women in a lesbian relationship love roses. Roses have a unique quality to make the woman feel special in every way. There is no hard and fast rule to buy red roses only. You can even buy white roses if you think that it will suit her better. To make it more adventurous you can actually buy both types of roses.

Lesbian Sex Manuals

Sex is purely skill based and it is not a bad idea to have a little bit of education in this field. If you feel that even roses and new clothes are not doing the trick in your relationship, there is no reason to feel despondent. Nowadays, there are great lesbian sex books that will help you and your lover learn the way the body functions. You will also get to know about different sexual techniques and the myriad ways in which you can turn yourself and your partner on.

Complement her Body

Every woman in a lesbian relationship yearns for some positive comments about her body. She will be pleased to know that there are no imperfections in her body. Do not lie to here. Just say what you like about her body truthfully and express how you feel about certain other things. No wonder, this will boost her self-esteem by a few notches.

You must encourage yourself and your woman to spice up the intimacy in your life. Always make suggestions to each other. Maybe she wants long passionate kisses or a different toy; so be open to what she says and thinks.

About the author: Rebecca is a blogger by profession. She is fond of Plus Size Winter Coats. These days she is busy in writing an article on Ivory Wedding Shoes.

New Jersey Defends Freedom to Marry for All

2012-02-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

On the Heels of Ninth Circuit Victory, AFER Congratulates New Jersey on Passage of Marriage Equality Legislation. The New Jersey Legislature passed marriage equality legislation today, joining the State of Washington as the second state in recent days to defend the fundamental freedom to marry for all of its citizens.

One week ago, the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit issued a landmark ruling upholding the historic August 2010 decision of the Federal District Court that found California’s Proposition 8 unconstitutional.

American Foundation for Equal Rights (AFER) Board President Chad Griffin issued the following statement:

“New Jersey has taken a momentous step in defending the fundamental constitutional freedom to marry for all Americans. Separate is never equal—and the New Jersey Legislature recognized that today, setting an important example for the rest of the nation.”

About the American Foundation for Equal Rights
The American Foundation for Equal Rights is the sole sponsor of the Perry case. After bringing together Theodore B. Olson and David Boies to lead its legal team, AFER successfully advanced the Perry case through Federal District Court and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. The Foundation is committed to achieving full federal marriage equality.

Conceiving Family

2012-02-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

Watershed Productions recently released a new documentary film entitled “Conceiving Family", which is gaining great acclaim as it starts to make the film festival circuit.

Conceiving Family follows (Director/Producer) Amy Bohigian and her partner, Jane Byers, as they adopt biracial 15 month-old twins, Franny and Theo. Their journey to becoming a family, like the other four same-sex couples, is laden with challenges, including confronting the Christian Fundamentalist foster parents who express fear that the children they’ve cared for since birth will now, “grow up to be gay” with parents who are “going to hell for their sins.” Required to live together for two weeks during the kids’ transition they confront their differences in the most surprising ways. Combining personal interviews, intimate footage, and family photos, Conceiving Family tells the collective story of what it takes to become an intentional family.

Conceiving Family Trailer from Amy Bohigian on Vimeo.

Movie Review: "The Help"

2012-02-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

"The Help"

Screenplay written, and Directed by Tate Taylor

Starring Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, and Bryce Dallas Howard

Movie review by Cynthia Rodriguez

This is the first time I can remember doing a book/movie review, and giving both FIVE stars. And it's very well deserved. As well deserved as the Oscar nominations it recieved this year, along with the SAG (Screen Actor's Guild) award for best cast in a film. I'm mucho happy it's being so recognized, and rightly so being that it was so beautifully made, and superbly acted. I believe it's a very important film that everyone should see. Very timely. Even in the year 2012. I pretty much love the movie, as much as I love the book. This is a rare occasion indeed.

Now I won't go into any type of synopsis because I've already done that. (See book review). I will, however indulge into some of the movie magic, and point out a couple things I failed to mention in the book review.

Now this movie is as close to the book as one can get. That is without turning it into a mini-series. It's already 2 1/2 hours long. But it's not the kind of long movie you couldn't watch over, and over again. It's not too "debbie downer", or anything that would stop me personally to a second helping of "The Help". It could've been. They did it just right. There was enough funny to balance out the heavy stuff.

The only, ONLY mini- complaint I have, (and it's very small), is the fact that they made Constanine's daughter black in the movie, when she was actually white in the book, which was really what all the fuss was about in that particular situation. It may not sound it, but being that racism is pretty much the theme here, it's kind of a big deal. Other than that, the movie was just...brilliant.

Now another note about the acting. I know it must have been difficult to pick just THREE from the movie to give Oscar nods. It was one of the times when the ENTIRE cast was just phenomenal. Jessica Chastain makes you fall in love with "Celia Foote", as well as her husband, Johnny. Not that I didn't in the book, but with the book I found myself feeling more sorry for her, but in the film I noticed I cheered for her more. Celia ultimately proves that her "white trash" self ends up having more class than Hilly or any of those snooty bitches she calls "friends". So Jessica definitely earned that nomination. Another one totally worth mentioning is Sissy Spacek, who was quite the leading lady herself back in the day, makes a wonderful "Ms. Walters", especially when she pokes fun at her evil daughter "Hilly". Speaking of Hilly, she's the type of character you just want to punch in the neck, and Bryce does an awesome job of you really hating her. Now's THAT'S acting. I think anytime I see her do anything else, I'll be like, "What a BITCH."

What's my favorite scene? The pie scene, of course! I must have seen that clip about a dozen times already. It just never gets old. The faces on all three characters during that scene is just absolutely priceless.

On the DVD I watched, unfortunetly there were not many special features at all, which was a bit disappointing being I'm such a special features freak. I can sit there (and I have) for endless hours with that, LONG after I've watched the film. Except for a couple of deleted scenes, and a lovely music video by Mary J. Blige, that was about it.

The other very touching part of the film, (as well as the book) is when they somewhat re-create very sad, and tragic, real life history event moments such as when activist Medgar Evans was shot, and killed in his driveway in front of his family (see "Ghosts Of Missippi" movie), and when Kennedy was killed. It all ties in with the hard life, and times of the people stuck in the middle of it all.

This movie is not only entertaining, but a history lesson we should all never forget, and a testamant to what the human spirit can accomplish when it's ready to make a change.

Book Review: "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett

2012-02-03T05:12:00.000-08:00

"The Help"
by Kathryn Stockett

book review

by Cynthia Rodriguez

I want to begin by saying this is one of the BEST books I have ever read in my life. AMAZING. A true classic. It's definitely on my top ten list of must-read. Once I started, I couldn't put it down. That doesn't happen too often.

That being said, I think there are many lessons to be learned from this book. I would recommend it to anyone, especially to people down South, where the story is based on.

Apparently, this was one of those beginner's luck, first timer's big hit situations, for Kathryn Stockett, novice novelist. Lucky biotch.

It's a story of this white lady in the South in the 60's, "Skeeter", an aspiring writer, who is sympathetic to the black maids in the area at the time, and decides to write a book about what their lives are like being black maids in the South working for white families, in the 1960's, with a little help from her "co-writer" "Aibileen" (one of the maids) and Aibie's BFF (another maid) "Minny". Not only because she thinks it would give her a shot at being a big time writer, but because she believes it would make an impact on society, help "change things".

Not hard to figure out the main theme of the book: racism. Personally, I cannot believe all this really occured, or I should say I wish it didn't. Now the book itself may or may not be based on a true story, but it doesn't matter, we all know things like this really happened back then, and unfortunetly some of it still does. And this wasn't that long ago. Been about fifty years. When I was born, it had only been not even a decade that segregation was going on, and there were actually public signs up throughout the country talkin' about "white fountain/colored fountain", "colored bathroom", etc. What a disgrace. Slavery didn't end when honest ol' Abe said so. It too MANY years after that for it to truly be over.

You know what truly, absolutely kills me about all this mess? It's the fact that these people, these maids were apparently good enough to raise these white people's own children, holding them, feeding them, change their diapers, (these kids LOVED them), but they weren't good enough to share a BATHROOM with. How retarded is that? It makes NO sense.

If you read the book, after the ending you can see the author's own personal story about her growing up with "The Help". About her own experience being raised by a black maid in her family called "Too Little, Too Late". You can tell she IS "Skeeter". So again, even if it's not a true story, it comes pretty damn close.

Now let's talk about the South for a minute. No, I'm not gonna be one of those "damn yankees" as they call us, and do any kind of south bashing. That's not the point of this paragraph. I have visited the southern part of the Mason-Dixon line a number of times (I'm not including Florida, because I don't really consider them "The South"), and honestly, most of what I saw was very charming. It's true what they say about southern hospitality. Whether some of them are faking it or not, it's still quite lovely, especially compared to the North Eastern's rudeness that makes us, (especially New Yorkers) so popular. I remember many moons ago, when I went to visit a then girlfriend in Birmingham commenting on their cityscape after she picked me up at the bus stop: "Wow, you guys have big buildings!", she responded with, "Yeah, how 'bout that? We also have electricity, and running water!" This slightly awkward moment proved to me us Northerner's sometime sense of superiority amongst our Southern neighbors can be a little obnoxious to some. I went into this little vacay at the time thinking I may never come back to my family because I'd be lynched on some back road by toothless, redneck, hooligans in their beat up pick-up truck, and would drag me kicking and screaming to the nearest Magnolia tree to string me up for being the only Puertorican in Alabama. Of course she DID warn me that there were SOME parts of the state that were still like that, and of course we steered clear of those parts. However to this day, I still can't help feeling some kind of disdain for people who drive around with either a Dixie license plate or Dixie flag. Especially when they live up North, as in PENNSYLVANIA. I think to myself, "HELLO? What do you even KNOW about all that? Is it because you think it looked cute on the "General Lee" car in the "Dukes Of Hazzard"?? And to those in the South still going on about the whole, "THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN", I say PUH-LEEZE, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT ALREADY. That was a LONG time ago, the civil war. You'se guys LOST. (Yes, I'm using the N.Y accent and grammar that annoys some of you so much.) Time to move on.

I guess some things never change, though. And some people never change. Perfect example: the KKK, and all their little modern day neo-nazi, skinhead groups, wanna-be 3rd Reichs. Hi there. Would you like to join us in the 21st century? I mean, seriously, get over yourselves with your God complex. And speaking of that, the villain in the book, "Hilly" is pretty much the epitome of evil, in all of the above in this paragraph. Except she's wrapped up in a pretty, little debutante, society girl package with her bridge club games, and benefit parties as fundraisers for the "Starving Children of Africa" which everyone knows she doesn't really give a shit about.

And back then, even MORE so than now, the politics were real crooked, and the politicians were OPENLY racist. Mayors, and Governors saying we were better off segregated. "Equal, but separate" they said. What a crock o' shit.

Now moving on to my favorite character in the book. "Minny". I LOVE Minny. I mean, I absolutely ADORE her, and I want her to be my new BFF. Now she's the one in the book that don't take no shit from NOBODY. It's also why she always gets into some kind of trouble. Especially, in that town, at that time, her mouth is a danger to herself, and those around her. You gotta admire her spirit though, and her courage, especially when she ends up doing something in particular to protect not necessarily herself, but those she loves.

That brings me to the other heroine in the story, "Aibileen", the one who ends up bringing all the other maids, including Minny, to Skeeter that she needs to write her book. She's not exactly the rabble rouser like Minny but is very strong woman, with also a great spirit, who is quietly courageous. Aibie has a long time habit of making "prayer lists" in helping people in her circle by including them in her nightly prayers which she writes down, instead of just memorizing. Myself, not being necessarily religious, but spiritual, found this to be a great idea, which I will start implementing in my own life. Thank you Aibie.

And finally, getting back to our author, Ms. Stockett has graciously included a "reading guide" with questions in the back of the book made for book clubs. I always find those entertaining. At my book club, "Book Slut Club", we always like to read out loud, and kind of make fun of those reading guides. I don't have anything against them. They are good to have. However, I believe that after reading a book like this, if you don't have a clue what to talk about, you probably shouldn't be reading it in the first place.

Pin Up of the Day: New England Patriots Cheerleaders

2012-01-23T04:19:00.001-08:00

Well, its official. The New England Patriots are getting a chance at redemption against the New York Giants, who they lost against at Super Bowl 42 just a few years back. I'm a diehard Pats fan... Who will you be rooting for this year?

Queers Land: New Queer WebSeries on YouTube

2012-01-22T16:19:00.000-08:00

Queers Land is a new queer webseries to check out on YouTube - Click the link, show 'em some love.

About "Queers Land" The Series

Queers Land is a light hearted tongue in cheek mocumentary web Series starring The Fagtastic Rhys Emmett Rathbone & Dyknamic Leah Pellinkhof showing the hilarious side and the delicate hearts of the beautiful unique and diverse people that make up the colours of the rainbow pride flag

In this hellarious Series the Comic Duo play dual lead roles in six different story lines. Drag Queen & Choreographer, Hippy Lesbians, A country dyke and her homophobic brother, Ultra Attractive Queers, an actor in the closet and his Agent and Bisexual emo teens. Follow them as they pursue of their dreams, hopes and ambitions, Often funny, occasionally heart breaking and always Queer

Book Review: "Transition" by Chaz Bono

2012-01-19T21:33:00.001-08:00

"Transition" by Chaz Bono

book review by Cynthia Rodriguez

Yes, your favorite, friendly, gayborhood A.D.D pain-in-the-ass book reviewer is back! Sorry for the six month hiatus. I'll try not to let that happen again. Okay, moving right along...

So I wish I had known about, and read Bono's other two books "Family Outing", and "End Of Innocence" prior to getting my hands on "Transition". I felt like I was watching a movie sequel without catching the original. And I hate watching sequels without seeing part one, and two, and...ten, etc. I understand that it's not necessary in this case, but I'm still interested, which of course is a pretty good indication that I enjoyed this book.

I must say, I feel like it truly takes some major cojones to really put yourself out there in the public eye, and open up with such a tell-all story such as "Transition". I highly commend Chaz for it. No doubt, it is a courageous act, and not just in the actual physical transition itself but for sharing it with the whole world. You can tell how hard-core honest he is with his experience. Both the good, the bad, and everything in between, especially when it was all so recent at the time. The only thing about that I am curious about is how his family, friends, and then partner feel, or felt at the time knowing it was such an expose on not just himself, but everyone around him. In a memoir like that, there is no changing the names to protect the innocent, and the guilty. There is much name dropping. Certainly not in a malicious way, but just at times I'm sure it was painfully honest. I wonder if there were any of that, "I can't believe you mentioned that about me!" going on from someone talked about in the book.

One thing I have to mention before I go on is I couldn't help but think that she did sometimes suffer from what she calls the "poor little rich kid syndrome". I was torn. I realize she did obviously go through A LOT with this whole ordeal, but at the same time I thought to myself, "I'd seriously consider giving up my left tit for your kind of life." Traveling, traveling, traveling. Being a recording artist/rock star for fifteen minutes. Growing up with that kind of fortune, and fame. It's better than collecting unemployment. Okay, po' person bitterness aside...

I most definitely walked away from it with a much better understanding of what a trans person must go through. I won't say I'm some kind of expert now because I read his book about it. Like he says, it's different for everyone. Like everyone else, everybody has their own path. Meaning I won't go around telling every trans person I know, "Hey, I know exactly what you're going through because I read Chaz's book!" I'd say that would be pretty darn ignorant.

It also concretely confirms my own sexual gender indentity once, and for all. Meaning that at one point in my younger life, (as I've shared this with few people), I too once thought about transitioning. This was more in my earlier, developmental years. This was before I even knew what the word "transition" meant, (in that context), before EVERYBODY knew what it meant. I don't even remember that word used in the 80's! Now everyone talks about it, or at least has heard of it.

I actually shared with my girlfriend not too long ago, (yes, I have one of those now, thus my hiatus), using the book as an example. I told her, "He said he never wanted his then "her" breasts touched during sex. That it didn't feel right, natural, or good." I believe this was the clincher for me. Personally, being that although I wish I would have been a little more endowed, I know for a fact I enjoy my breasts very much, and I like them being enjoyed by someone else too, so I was like, "You know what? I LOVE being a woman." I never felt those things he did, so I know I'm in the right body, as imperfect as it may be, it suits me just fine.

I'm glad I never acted on those feelings when I was younger. (Not that I would have been able to afford it anyways), but this is exactly why I must say I have mixed feelings about some of our "transgender youth", especially since I personally know of some that have felt the same way, and it turned out that it WAS temporary. A phase. Not saying this applies to everyone, but I know it happens. Just my own belief but I feel that taking the hormones and actually physically transitioning should not be done until a person is at 18 years of age, when they would be considered a "legal" adult. I HAVE seen the documentaries on transgender youth, and I know it's a very real issue. Not disputing that fact, however, that's where I stand on that.

I attended a trans health conference a few years back for my then job, and it was also very enlightening, and educational. I feel like I still had many questions on the subject. More than what I came in with. I certainly want to learn more in order to erase any unnecessary fears, and ignorance I know I still have, including the fact that I am still in disagreement about unisex bathrooms, although there seems to be more, and more of those popping up in places, especially like in Philadelphia where I had my first experience with a unisex bathroom, and felt like I was in an episode of Ally McBeal.

I really don't like the idea of sharing a public restroom with men. Biological OR Transgender males. I have to admit, it makes me a little uncomfortable. I've always looked at a woman's public restroom as a safe haven of sorts where women (unlike men) usually travel to in flocks, but not just for it's original purpose. It's also a temporary escape from the official social gathering waiting outside it's doors. It's a place for the 5 minute gossip about the evening, where your femme friends touch up their make-up, where you can ask a total stranger (another woman) if she has a spare tampon, and if you're lucky, occasionally have that drunken, slutty moment at the local gay club where you end up making out with someone in there you just bumped, and grinded with on the dance floor. All of the above, not so much possible in a unisex restroom.

(A little post book update, the book itself ends with Chaz getting the top surgery, and being with his then girlfriend Jenny. I believe now they are not together anymore, and he is going for bottom surgery.)

I know I totally digressed as usual, but Chaz really does touch on almost all of these things in the book. This is just my take on it. I like to think that is part of what these types of books do. Crack open wide some dialogue.

It's time.

2011-11-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

The Australians are on to something.

http://www.getup.org.au/campaigns/marriage-equality/petition/sign-and-share

Can You See Me? The Importance of Lesbian Visibility

2011-08-31T06:14:00.000-07:00

My name is Geraldine Joosten and I am a lesbian. Who there did I scare you? You must have thought that lesbians were mythical creatures sometimes talked about and never seen.

Recently I have felt more and more invisible in the world. Lesbians these days seem ignored and forgotten about. Where are we these days? Has the world forgotten about us?

Being a journalist and writer I decided to do research into these issues and find out if other lesbians felt the same they did. So much so it was decided that there should be a book on this issue.
Inspired by the amazing lesbian essay books of the 1990’s and the fact that there are many amazing bloggers and writers out there whom all have their own views on the issue, it quickly became clear that the book on Lesbian (in)visibility should be an essay driven project.

It asks the question many lesbians have been asking in the last few years: “WHERE ARE WE?”

Where are we in the media, in TV shows, in the news in LGTB projects, at Gay Prides, on the work floor?

Why are lesbians so invisible? Why are the 2 stereotypes (male sex fantasy or unwanted fat screaming angry dyke) still how we are seen?

How this lack of visibility affects us: Who are the icons out there for us? Does it make it harder for girls to find themselves without many easily accessible role models? Why is there such a disbalance between lesbian and gay visibility on TV, the media and the magazines. Why are gay men more accepted (in TV shows, films, articles in the media. Why do people automatically think of/talk about gay men when the issue of gay rights are brought up? Why do celebrities only link themselves to the male gay rights organisations?) Why do people still think that lesbians can’t have “proper” sex. Why is it still allowed to insult lesbians on TV shows/in the media? Why are bi girls hip and lesbians not.

Have we worked hard enough for our right to be seen? Has feminism helped us or held us back?
What should we do? What do we need?

Several girls from all over the world will write an essay about what this means to them, what they are missing, what do they want to change and how has it affected them. As it is all aspects of lesbian visibility everyone can bring their own take, talk about their own feelingsregarding lesbian visibility. It’s open to many interpretations and they are all valid.

We are still in talks with publishers -but it is certain the book will be out mid next year. We want the book to have a universal feel so it will speak to lesbians from New York to Berlin, from LA to the Netherlands.
We are still looking for more women to be involved in this.

Are you a blogger, writer or simply inspired to join in? Or do you have an opinion you feel should be included? You are welcome to get involved in any way.

Lots of love,
Geraldine

Jessie J: The Girl You Need to Know!!

2011-08-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Recently there has been a surge of faux bisexual girls. The sexy girls that claimed to be bi to promote their movies, albums, TV shows. But as of late there hasn’t been a true women loving bi chick out there in the in the music industry. (No, not Lady Gaga either. She only does it in her head, remember.)

Until now: step forward lovely Jessie J.
Open about her sexuality from the day she stated out, Jessie's girlfriend even starred in her first music video: “Do it like a Dude”. Jessie believes in total honesty and speaks her mind about everything.
She is a breath of fresh air in an industry filled with fake and secrets.
The British singer states: 'I’m not afraid to say I’m very comfortable with who I am and I love who I love.'

Here is some of her material and interviews:

“L.O.V.E” about falling in love with her first girlfriend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0q8WRjACCs

Her honest and funny interview with Alan Carr

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SQEmlFC8Ko

Jessie talking about her sexuality and singing L.O.V.E. onstage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABwFB2Ru6PA

Jessie telling it like it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPuJBkk_1jw

Do it like a Dude HOT video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOf3kYtwASo&ob=av2e

Do it like a Dude acoustic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAd3ogzmnl4

What Amy Winehouse Means to Us - Her Forgotten Bisexuality

2011-08-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

by Geraldine Joosten

Last Saturday I started on my first proper column for Lesbiatopia. Still, I only fully finished it on Wednesday night.

What happened? Something sad, unfortunately.

Right in the middle of writing it I took a short break and opened my Twitter. The first Tweet I saw made me sit in stunned silence for several seconds: Amy Winehouse was thought to be dead!! Snapping myself out of my shock I quickly sprang into action.

Was this true?

I turned the TV on to Sky News, Tweeted the journalists I work with, etc. Soon it sadly and tragically became a reality: Sweet Amy with her lovely smile, her beautiful, magical voice, my Jewish sister, would never sing again.

While I was upset, while her fans were upset, while her family wasn’t even informed yet, the media set the wheels in motion: coverage, questions, speculation, opinions. The usual carousel that follows a celebrities death was played out. Facts were stated before her tiny body had even reached hospital.
In the days that followed the story continued and more and more people gave their opinion. At the same time her family spoke and shared their feelings. Strangely it feels as if we barely know anything, even after being told a lot.

Now Amy has been cremated and has hopefully found peace at last, let’s looks at what this special woman has meant to us. The lesbian community.

First there is the obvious: her music. Who hasn’t laughed, cried or made out to one of her songs? Who hasn’t sang “Valerie” at lesbian karaoke night?

But there is more. Even the press, at this moment, forgets to mention it.

Amy was openly bisexual and wasn’t afraid to show it. Even in the early days of fame she wasn’t quiet about it. She talked about finding women sexy. How she had sexy girls tattooed on her body because “I like pin-up girls. I'm more of a boy than a girl.”

And how after a sambuca she just lost her inhibitions and gave in to her desire for girls. She wrote her song “Addicted” about loving to be with a certain girl and sharing her weed with her, but not wanting the girls boyfriend around or sharing her weed with him.

She publicly shared a hot night in with a model with Amy suggesting that they play games using a pair of glow dice. On one dice were actions such as 'kiss', 'hug' etc and on the other dice were parts of the body like 'neck' and 'belly'.

Then that Blake person filed for divorce on grounds of Amy cheating on him with women and told friends she had been with lots of girls in the past. Amy never denied this.

During her much publicised stay on St Lucia she revealed even more of her bisexual side. Hooking up with girls, and even breaking up a lesbian couple by hooking up with one of them. When the other girl caught the pair in bed Amy casually asked her to join them for a threesome. Then there were pictures published of Amy with yet another girl sweetly making out in a hammock. She confirmed the affair and for a while looked happier then ever.

As the media didn’t seem to understand Amy asked a friend to confirm that she was bisexual. Amy told the press: “So what? I like girls as well. I have had relationships with other women but that doesn't mean I don't still love Blake. There is something about being with a woman that is very satisfying. I don't care what people think about me being bi - I do what feels good.”

Her friend continued: “There is nothing restrained about Amy's sexuality. She doesn't hold back and says what she feels. She often talks about other women. Her favourite is Cheryl Cole, who she really fancies. Most women can appreciate another woman's beauty but Amy definitely takes that to the next level.”

It’s a shame the straight as well as the gay media have largely ignored or forgotten about Amy’s coming out. Amy could have been a beacon for the GLTB society. She, like Lady Gaga now wouldn’t have been quiet about everything going on. Maybe if we had welcomed and not ignored her she would have been more cherished and protected then she was.

Amy could have been so good for us, if she had had her chance. She wasn’t brave. She did what she thought was right. She went with what she felt and didn’t care what people thought. This is what we can all learn from her. Be who you are, follow your heart and be true to your feelings. Actually. To have done this in this day and age means that: Yes, Amy WAS brave.

Tonight!! Uh Huh Her in Costa Mesa, CA with Maniac and We Are / She Is

2011-07-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

Comprised of members Leisha Hailey, most known for her role as Alice in The L Word, and Camila Grey of the lo-fi indie group Mellowdrone, Uh Huh Her prepares to bring the hype to the Orange County music scene at the the small yet popular venue, Detroit Bar. The indie/synth/rock duo is on their second tour since their release of their brand new second EP, Black and Blue, and is currently writing and recording for their second album due next spring, NOCTURES. They have just finished a residency in Las Vegas, NV and are ready to hit up a couple California coast shows before returning to their hometown, Los Angeles.

On tour and sharing the stage with UHH is Maniac, a vibrant, indie/pop group native from Australia. Since their formation in September 2010, Maniac has done several US and Australia tours and have made about a dozen self-produced music videos for their fans. Opening this highly anticipated night is the energetic, OC local alternative/dance duo We Are / She Is. Formed in August 2010, We Are / She Is have since recently had their single "Barlights" featured on The Real L Word along with successfully wrapping up their first west coast tour.

Uh Huh Her, Maniac and We Are/She Is will be at Detroit Bar on July 31, 2011. Show starts at 9pm. You can buy tickets at: http://tktwb.tw/j9oeK9

Uh Huh Her: http://www.uhhuhher.com
Maniac: http://maniacmania.com
We Are / She Is: http://www.wearesheis.com

The LT Family: Meet Geraldine Joosten

2011-07-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

My name is Geraldine Joosten. I am a lesbian, a writer, a comedian, a freelance journalist, a gay rights activist and drag king living in Holland. I am also Jewish.

That’s a lot, most people think. But I don’t stop there, I also sing, act and run a news site for British comedian David Walliams.At the moment my main focus is writing my new book, a sexy musical lesbian drama set in the 1920’s and my internet comedy show “The Mad Gerald Show”. A show about filthy rich dandy Lothario Doctor Gerald Damien M. Eshugener (played by moi ;-)) a debonair man about town. With his posh title and big bucks he managed to buy the title of Doctor, but it isn’t certain how much he really knows about psychiatry. He does know women though, and lots of them. Getting them on his couch to make them pour their gorgeous little hearts out seems to have a miraculous effect on his love life. What his wife Rachel thinks of all this is another question. Gerald is a snub, rude and thinks he knows everything. Does he really …? I write the scripts, act and edit the shows, so it’s a lot of work.

Still, I was desperate to write for Lesbiatopia. Why? Because I have a lot of opinions that I would love to share with you. A few years ago I wrote columns for Lavender News a new sort of Gay and Lesbian news site I had set up with like minded pals. We made quite a big splash at the start, but had to fold again less then a year after the launch due to lack of funding. This was really sad and knocked me for six for a while. Still the good thing is that I discovered that I loved writing columns and that I wanted to share my opinions with others. I hope to be able to do this here and am really looking forward to sharing with you all.

Geraldine

www.Geraldin.co.uk
www.MadGerald.co.nr

Comedy Spotlight: Erin Foley - Lower the Bar

2011-07-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

If you are a queer lady and you like comedy, chances are you've heard of the hilariously talented stand-up comic Erin Foley. She has quite an impressive comedy reel. Erin spent years in New York City’s comedy clubs mastering the art of stand-up comedy while successfully pursuing her acting career. In New York and Los Angeles, Erin can be regularly seen at Gotham Comedy Club, Caroline's on Broadway, The Improv, The Laugh Factory and Stand Up New York. She has performed at the Just for Laughs/TBS Comedy Festival in Chicago and the Marshall’s Women in Comedy Festival. Foley has had the honor of being selected to perform at the prestigious Montreal Comedy Festival three times. Not only has Erin had a successful career in comedy, but she also succeeds on the small screen with several national television commercial campaigns, including a recent Nature Made commercial where she makes light of vitamins and minerals.

Erin is filming a comedy pilot for E! Entertainment. She recently shot her own half hour comedy special for Comedy Central and has taped Chelsea Lately and The Kilborn File on FOX. Simultaneously, Erin has enjoyed success in the field of acting. She can be seen in the short films “Cried Suicide” and “Squeezplay”, as well as a pilot for MTV called, “This is Ray.” Her favorite role to date was in Cameron Crowe’s film “Almost Famous”. Erin played the role of Allison, the fact checker.

Erin's latest accomplishment includes the release of her very first comedy album, Lower the Bar, which is currently available on cdbaby.com and iTunes. Download your copy today and you can spend hours each day laughing at Erin's hilarious jokes.

If you're looking to catch Erin in a show, check out her latest schedule of performances across the good old US of A.

Tue 7/19	8:00pm	AKBAR, Hollywood, CA
Tue 7/26	8:00pm	AKBAR, Hollywood, CA
6/29 - 7/3		The Improv at Harrah's Lake Tahoe
7/12 - 7/17		The Improv at Harrah's Las Vegas
8/5 - 8/7		Maine Comedy Festival Maine

Not familiar with her work? Here are some classic clips of Erin Foley in action!

Let's Play: Who Wants to Be a Lesbian?

2011-07-02T04:36:00.000-07:00

by Cynthia Rodriguez

Do you dream of being a Lesbian? Does it keep you up at night? So, what's holding you back? Oh, that's right! You're a MAN! Sucks for you. Epic FAIL. ACCESS DENIED. Thank you for playing. Please try again.

But wait! Now, with the power of the magical world of the internet, you too, can be a LESBIAN! It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. Uno, dos, tres. Un, deux, TWAT. All you need to do is swipe your wife's driver's license, (or just about any unsuspecting female's identity), and start your own "lesbian" blog. You may want to prep first, and do your homework though. It's not enough to watch "Logo TV", and listen to the Indigo Girls. Make sure to browse some already existing popular Lesbian blogs, maybe even contribute to them for a while. THEN, and only then are you maybe ready to be a Lesbian jedi knight.

Okay, so this post may be about a couple weeks late since the scandal broke out, but I know I really needed to chime in with my 2 cent worth of ranting.

These days it looks like it's hip to be Lesbian. Yes, I said hip. I guess it's easy to be a virtual dyke, when you are really some middle-aged white guy whose married with children. You don't have to deal with the everyday real-life bullshit we do. None of the ignorance or harassment like the "Oh can I watch?" or "Can I join you?" You get to hide behind your cushy IKEA chair, and IPAD in your "man cave" while you're wife is cooking lemon garlic tilapia for dinner, completely unaware that all the while you are typing away, ranting about the complexities of issues like, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", and why Lesbians love Lindsey Lohan.

To know what I'm talking about please refer to the article written by our Chief Lesbiatopian Renee Gannon called "The Straight Man Who Claimed To Be Lesbian". Basically about some 58 year old dude named Bill Graber pretending to be a Lesbian (on-line)a.k.a "Paula Brooks" for about three years, and was one of the biggest "Lesbian" bloggers on the web. He was recently, finally OUTED, as a result of that caused a huge ruckus in the Lesbian community, and now as far as I know, is in hiding, where he belongs.

Luckily, I did not have much direct contact with this individual, or else it may have turned me off to write for Lesbiatopia, or ANY Lesbian blogs. I woulda been like, "Hell with this. Too much dyke-o-drama for me." I came in at the tail end of the whole fiasco back at the end of 2008, which is when I began blogging for the site. I did notice a lot of snarky little comments left behind on several posts by you know who and I thought to myself, "WTF? Who lit the fuse on her tampon?" I remember asking our chief Renee about it, like "What is up with that one?" Now realizing the "she", was really a HE, explains A LOT.

Now pretending to be something you're not on the internet is not an entirely new concept. It's quite common. Being able to hide behind the safety of a P.C goes way back. For the good, the bad, and the ugly, it goes with the territory.

I have a confession to make. I have had my OWN experience in this area. Back in my early to mid-twenties when I first discovered the crazy, and faceless world of chat rooms, I was hooked on phonics with that for a while. I found them fascinating. I was relatively new in my Lesbianism, and was looking for different ways to connect with people. This one particular one I resided in I found the people really great and easy to talk to. The only issue was that it wasn't necessarily a GAY chat room. What was funny is maybe because of the way I spoke but people automatically assumed I was a MALE, and as a result of that, I just let it go, and played up the part. It lasted maybe a few months or so, before I finally 'fessed up, because I started developing some real friendships on there which fortunetly lasted even after I revealed my identity. I even ended up afterwards, hooking up with one of the women I met on there. I was lucky I had pretty much a happy ending. No harm, no foul. I may even write a short play about it. Not to make excuses or justify any of it. Sure, I know it was wrong. I was young, and stupid. It was brief. I admitted it, AND I wasn't mean or cruel to anyone, or write them insulting, and harassing e-mails, and comments, etc, i.e "Paula Brooks". "She" was just a bitch. So, yeah, I would say there is a difference.

I suggest for any Lesbian sites a rigorous screening procedure that would make the TSA look soft. Extreme times call for extreme measures. First of all I'd keep the contributing writers on a close, "she's a friend of a friend" kind of basis, and not put it out on Craig's List or MySpace (if that still exists), that you need a book reviewer. Second, I don't think applications (asking for references), and questionnaires should be counted out. I'm thinking people that are for real, sincere, serious, and have nothing to hide (which I would like to assume if they are a blogger), wouldn't mind a little screen test. Sure blogging is fun, and may be just a hobby to some, but it's also like a job, a committment. I believe if these simple precautions are taken, much of this can be avoided.

Note to any Lesbian imposters in the future (which I'd bet there are plenty out there), if you're gonna do that, the least you can do is not be an asshole about it, then maybe you won't get BUSTED.

Help Find Amber Devoe, Michigan Native, Missing from the Boston Area

2011-06-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

A 28-year-old Zeeland, MI native who had relocated to the Boston area only 4 months ago has gone missing. Amber DeVoe was last seen on June 21st at around 5:30pm by her landlord. Her roommate returned to her Jamaica Plain apartment on Sunday to find DeVoe, and her car, gone.

She currently works in private investigations for insurance companies. She also plays in a softball league with a few acquaintances of mine in the Boston area. Although I do not know her personally, this news is having a very strong impact on the Boston community.

DeVoe also has an 8 year old daughter. She's described as 5'8", 180lbs, green/blue eyes and blonde hair style like faux hawk.

She drives a black 2007 Chrysler 300 with Massachusetts plates.

To see a video report, that includes a phone interview with Devoe's mother, by TV station WZZM in Michigan, click here. Friends and concerned residents plan to meet at J.P. Licks on Centre Street 7 p.m. Tuesday to post fliers around the neighborhood.

Anyone with information on Devoe's whereabouts is asked to contact the E-13 police, where a missing person's report has been filed, at 617-343-5630.

We are all praying for Amber's safe return home. To help spread the word, a Help Find Amber Devoe fan page has been set up by friends and family where people can share tips and information and send their support. Please consider "liking" the page and re-share within your networks so that people can be vigilant and aware.

Diffuse 5 Talks to Lesbiatopia Editor about Paula Brooks Scandal

2011-06-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard of Diffuse 5, they are an awesome site connecting the queer community by giving you information about the events, people and businesses that support it. Diffuse 5 is based in Boston, the place I quite happily call home. I was quite honored when Diffuse 5 CEO Ashley Lucas contacted me for an interview in regards to my personal reactions about the "Paula Brooks"/Bill Graber scandal.

In case you weren't aware, I was quite intimately involved with "Paula Brooks" for the first couple of years that "she" began blogging. If you haven't read it already, you can catch up on my personal account of my interactions with "Paula Brooks" here. After you've caught up on the drama, check my interview, below, with CEO Ashley Lucas...

Picture this. You are the founder of a lesbian focused website and you begin to open up your business and your life to a number of content contributors who want to be involved with what you’re building. You develop relationships, friendships and business partnerships with these people, letting them in to your life and sharing your experiences and life stories with them.
Now imagine that one of those people, whom you trusted and relied on to be an ally, turned out to be lying about their identity throughout the entirety of your relationship.
Renee Gannon, Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Lesbiatopia, doesn’t have to leave much to the imagination…
Over the past few weeks, the names Bill Graber and Paula Brooks have been all over the news. Brooks was the editor of lesbian news site Lez Get Real, with the tagline “A Gay Girl’s View on the World.” She worked with a number of other sites, sharing content and building relationships that would quickly sour. Sour because “Paula Brooks” turned out to be Bill Graber, a 58 year old retired Ohio military man and construction worker that had adopted his wife’s identity online.
For years Graber took on an alter ego, convincing people that he was a lesbian dedicated to educating the world and advancing gay-rights, until the Washington Post did some digging and discovered that Brooks was not who she said she was.
Renee Gannon, one of the victims of Graber’s alter ego, was kind enough to talk to us about her business relationship with the 58-year-old and the impact his deception has had on her life and the lesbian blogosphere.

The Interview
Diffuse 5: This fiasco has been pushed out all over the news. When was the exact moment you found out about it and what was your reaction?
Renee Gannon: I was contacted by one of Lesbiatopia’s former writers who shared with me the article on the Washington Post that broke the story that “Paula Brooks” was actually Bill Graber. My initial reaction was of shock, and then of course, I had a million questions running through my head. I began Googling the story which lead me to the discovery that Paula/Bill was directly related to the Gay Girl in Damascus hoax, which I had briefly read about in the news just days before.
__
D5: Graber said that he faked his identity in order to be taken seriously within the world of lesbian media. Clearly that didn’t work in the end. What do you think he should have done if he wanted to be a true ally?
RG: I have always loved the saying, “The truth will set you free” and I truly believe it. If Graber had just been himself from the beginning, all of this could’ve been avoided. Unfortunately, through his deceit, he hurt a lot of people in the process. If he really wanted to showcase lesbian rights, he could’ve started a blog as a straight man in support of these rights. Would he have been taken seriously? I think, with the right approach and the right amount of credibility, the lesbian community would’ve listened with open ears if his intentions were truly in the right place.
__
D5: How do you think the lesbian community should react to this? Is the current reaction what you expected?
RG: Well, the women who had, over the years, worked with “Paula” in some capacity or another were obviously upset and greatly disappointed. I think the lesbian community should react with a sense of vigilence, first and foremost, especially those of us who engage in online networking on the regular. For me, personally, the reaction was a mixture of anger and sadness. I was angry at being lied to and deceived for years, but also sad for Graber because he clearly needs help.
__

Read the rest of the interview from Diffuse 5

Cetosurf.com - A Community for Women Who Love Waves

2011-06-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I am an avid surfer and lover of all things oceanic. Waves, surf, sun, sand and fresh ocean air are definitely at the top of the list of things that make me happy. You can imagine my excitement to learn of the launch of my lesbian friend Christine's new site, CetoSurf.com.

CetoSurf.com welcomes women of all ages, abilities and surfing styles who share a passion for the ocean, fun and friendship. By connecting and informing women surfers, Ceto seeks to foster greater access to the joy of waves, promote a healthy ocean environment and a more sustainable surf industry. It was founded by longtime surf enthusiast, Courtney Hayes.

How awesome is that?

CetoSurf.com offers:
• a home page for all ocean lovers: featuring great interviews with the world’s top women surfers, ocean activists, surf industry innovators and artists.
• a women-only social networking community:
the home page also serves as a portal to our private, women-only community featuring member profiles, regional subgroups, ocean news and forums, meet-up events, used equipment classifieds and surf product reviews.
Recent events include a women's shopping night at Cinnamon Rainbows surf shop in North Hampton, NH with special discounts and deals, volunteering to teach children who have Autism how to surf at Special Surfers Night with Aquaholics Surf Shop in Kennebunk, ME, and women's only surf and stand up paddleboard lessons in Maine, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts.

Future events will include an event for the first ever International Gay Surfers Day, weekly women's lesson groups, and monthly post-work cocktail nights at various participating bars and restaurants around in the area.

While most events are located in the New England area, Ceto Surf hopes to expand and reach out to women who love waves all over the world. Check out the site and come surf with us!

Below is a photo gallery of Christine and the founder of CetoSurf.com, Courtney Hayes. Some of the photos include a recent volunteering event in Maine, teaching Autistic kids how to surf. It's a great community and we hope you will help these ladies spread the word!

Are You Afraid of Vagina Wolf?

2011-06-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

The fundraising campaign for the independent film “Who’s Afraid of Vagina Wolf?” by Anna Margarita Albelo (A Lez in Wonderland, Hooters!) has officially begun via indiegogo.com. If you're interested in donating, you can follow the link. Every little bit helps!

A heartfelt dark comedy, “Who’s Afraid of Vagina Wolf” is the coming of age tale of a 40 year old Cuban-American filmmaker. The day after her 40th birthday, a filmmaker who's sacrificed her love life for her career, realizes she has neither decides to embark on adapting an all-female parody of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"

It is both intensely personal and universal in its exploration of the search for love, purpose and the midlife existential crisis. You can expect a stellar cast and you best believe it's hella gay.

Visit our website for more vagina http://www.vaginawolf.com/ and meet our celesbian cast and crew!

The Straight Man Who Claimed to be Lesbian Paula Brooks: The Beginning

2011-06-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Before reading this article, please read this recent article posted in the Washington Post, titled "Paula Brooks, editor of 'Lez Get Real', also a man". Paula Brooks is actually a 58 year-old retired military man named Bill Graber. I got involved with "Paula Brooks" four years ago, in 2007. This is my story of how we got involved.

In 2007, I started this blog as a voice for myself as a gay woman. I was, and still am, a gay woman who is smart, funny, creative and fell in love with a blogging platform that allowed me to share all aspects of myself and my interests, living in a world as an out-and-proud lesbian.

After starting the blog, I began to consider bringing in a community of writers that could also share their voice and opinions on their own gay world. The idea was to invite writers from all over the country to give their unique perspective on lesbian life, culture, entertainment, politics, music and anything else they felt was appropriate (or not so appropriate).

About 4 years ago from this date (6/17/07) I received an email from "Paula Brooks", a fan of Lesbiatopia:

Renee,

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you I really like your blog; its honest and I love your opinions and views on Lesbian issues.

I live in an Open relationship in real life with a long time partner and I don't make that fact a secret and it has caused me some grief. So on my blog I am somewhat reluctant to address lesbian issues much because many of my reader are local Outer Bankers and know who I really am outside of the blogesphere.

You see the entire The Outer Banks is essentially a small town in North Carolina, a small town where I am a 3rd grade teacher, so while my readers know of my sexual orientation, I stay away from the subject of lesbian rights on my blog and stay with my surf mom theme and there are days after I read one of your articles I feel like something of a sell out.

I had a friend who I got to start a blog. She is a very good writer and I used to love to read her stuff. In real life she lives in a hetro relationship and teaches in a catholic grade school. She discovered lesbians sell and started becoming a lesbian right activist on her blog, which annoyed me because while she got the readers, I just could not read about lesbian rights and issues coming from someone I know was in the closet about her own sexuality. We had a big falling out over all of this and don't communicate any more.

I can tell by reading your stuff you have paid your dues sister and you know. I would like to say keep up the good work, you have loyal reader.

Paula

At the time, I was also contributing to AOL's now debunked queer blog, QueerSighted.com. She asked me to help her out by writing an article spot-lighting the fact that she wanted to come out to her readers on her OBX surf blog. Her story was touching. She was a deaf 3rd grade teacher with a loving partner named Debbie and adorable twin daughters. I decided to write an article for QueerSighted titled "When Lesbian Surf Blogger Comes Out To Readers, Some Rain On Her (Pride) Parade" which received a great response from the QueerSighted readers, They posted comments on the article with an out-pouring of love and support. I felt by using the power of my words on such a high-traffic site like QueerSighted, I was doing something good for someone who was having a tough time coming out in a small town.

I decided, at that point, to invite "Paula" to write for Lesbiatopia. Never once did I question her gender or her identity as a gay woman. She was a deaf woman but despite her struggle she seemed strong, confident, smart and encouraging. Her story seemed interesting to me and I felt like Lesbiatopia would be the perfect place for her to share it. She certainly had everyone fooled as to her identity. I remember exactly how she introduced herself in her very first blog article: "Hi, I’m Paula the Surf Mom; The Queen of the Outer Banks Surf Pirates, sovereign of all that is Surfing, supreme protector and defender of all that is lesbian in the land that is called the Outer Banks of North Carolina and today your dreams of finally getting the opportunity to rub elbows with royalty are going to come true."

When "Paula" signed on, she definitely went above and beyond the call of duty for Lesbiatopia. She brought in new contributors, reached out to media outlets, shared articles on all marketing channels and even helped with site maintenance and design. "Paula" knew a fair amount about web development, from what I could see, and I was certainly learning a lot from her. Our relationship grew into more of a partnership with the site, she was very pro-active and I was receptive to someone who was very focused on making the site into something as wonderful as I had envisioned. I never questioned the motives behind her work on the site. I remained open to this potential new partnership because there seemed to be a fair balance... then things began to change.

I can't really put a finger on when things with "Paula" began to take a turn for the worse. Her articles, emails and comments were turning militant and angry. She was getting upset over little things that were, in reality, not important. It started to feel like a hopeful relationship that was quickly going sour. I remember one weekend in particular where I went away to Palm Springs for a weekend with my girlfriend (at the time), while people were in LA picketing Proposition 8. "Paula" began sending angry emails to the other Lesbiatopia writers about my actions:

Yes Heather, Renee wrote some articles that helped raise some money and a thousand dollars of that money was from a check I wrote… Then she took her own money and went to have a good time in Palm Springs while Julie and others were fighting for her rights in a street not two miles from Renee's home…It is not just Renee, this seems to be a real big problem in our community.

Now you can write articles or you can write checks…

You can pretend everything is going to be ok and go on vacation or you can see it is not and get into the street to raise your voice…

You can get mad at me for getting on your asses to get you out to tell the haters no more or you can get out and get mad at the haters for making you a second class citizen…

This was causing quite a stir with the Lesbiatopia writers. They were coming to me, upset and confused as to why this person was becoming so difficult and angry. It was especially alarming to me because I felt like I hadn't done anything wrong. I began to have a very unsettling feeling about everything. I became conflicted over the situation. Here I was, the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief of a site that I had poured so much energy into, and the second biggest influencer of this site was turning from Mr. Hyde into Dr. Jekyll. No pun intended.

I decided it was time to have a conversation with "Paula". Keep in mind, at this point there was little to no money being made on this blog. I never started it with the intention of raking in large amounts of cash, for me it was never about the money. I tried to have a conversation with "Paula" about her tone on the blog. She had become angry and negative, and to be quite frank, it was off-putting to the other writers and the readers. I explained that I wanted the blog to be a fun, light-hearted, entertaining platform, not an angry, militant one. Also, I had never asked "Paula" to do all the work she had done on the blog. All the hours she contributed were completely voluntary and done on her own volition. Please don't get me wrong, I always so thankful to anyone and everyone who contributed to Lesbiatopia. Without them, the site would not be what it is today. There were so many great accomplishments, like the 8against8 campaign, that raised over $13,000 for the Equality California No on Prop 8 campaign. I am forever grateful to all of you. As you can imagine, I was pretty upset when I received an email that simply said, "When you start sending me a paycheck for the work I've done on this blog, then you can tell me what to write and how I say what I say...Till then... I am your partner and not an employee on this thing and as such have as much say how things go as you do."

At that point, I realized that it would be a good idea to sever ties with this person. The tone and the way that they spoke to me was alarming and I was not feeling good about it. Then, I was completely blind-sided when "Paula" locked me out of the backend of the site and made herself the only one to have access to it. She sent me an email stating, "I have the feeds and if you dont want to be put off the air give me my template and my articles... you have 10 minutes." I was now being threatened. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I felt as though there was no reasoning with "Paula" at this point, she was completely out of control and I feared the loss of my site forever. The threats didn't stop there. "Renee, I want my articles off your site today… I went to my attorney office this morning and had her draft a cease and desist. I am not f*cking around here… I want those articles off your site. TODAY"

It was the belittling that really drew the line for me. Who did this person think they were?

Renee,

I don’t have any idea what you thought getting into this pissing match me would accomplish, but I told you when it started that if it did not end, this would be the conclusion.

Now I have long thought you are a bit of a party girl… not very focused on much other then having fun… and that you do just enough to get by…

But I never shared that with you, because I knew I had to work with you and I knew sharing that would do nothing but cause problems between us…

Now since we started this project I have had to make up for you blowing stuff off on many occasions… I did it and when on without saying much to you.

Now just what the f*ck did you think you were doing publicly taking Shannon side over me? I expect my partner to back me up, just like I have backed up my partner.

For Christ sake I am 34 year old… my way of doing things, while they do from time to time upsets people, has been very effective for me and really were good for the blog… and I really don’t give two shits if you don’t like it… just like you really don’t seem to care two shits that working with you can be a real challenge for someone like me.

This is called doing business… I rent to people all the time I don’t like and I do business with people personally find hard to work with.

Now all of this only served to kill something that we both really loved…

good job Gannon."

I was finally, after much deliberating with "Paula", able to regain access to Lesbiatopia and lock "Paula" out. She had to step down at this point so she decided to move on and start her own blog, Lez Get Real. Through this process though, she had a hard time letting go, as she continued to email, text, IM and even call me and the other writers repeatedly, possibly searching for closure or something more, but it was bordering on stalker behavior. "Paula" did see something in me but whatever it was, it became scary and unhealthy and was not like any business partnership that I ever care to partake in ever again. Unfortunately, through the process, she also scared a lot of my writers away and the site ultimately suffered from the bad publicity.

"Paula" started the new site, Lez Get Real, and continued under the guise of a deaf lesbian activist for another three years. I only ever spoke to "Paula" on the phone once, and it was through her "father" who acted as an interpreter because of her deafness. Thinking back now, I realize that her "father" was actually the imposter himself, Bill Graber.

I'm sure you're wondering what triggered the exposure of "Paula Brooks" true identity. It was actually triggered when a popular Syrian lesbian blog admitted to being a married, American man named Tom MacMaster. According to the Washington Post, journalists, bloggers and fans of this "lesbian blogger" Amina, hunted for clues as to the identity behind the blog. "Paula Brooks" came under review as a possible suspect. Liz Henry, a Web producer at BlogHer.com, questioned Brooks’s involvement with Amina, as Amina had started to write about the Syrian uprising on Lez Get Real before starting her own blog.

Many lesbian bloggers have had interactions with "Paula Brooks" over the last four years and every single one of them was fooled. "Paula" lead people to believe that her partner Debbie died of breast cancer. As for her twins, her surfing girl lifestyle and all the other lies, well, it's all a bit overwhelming to process. I shared countless email exchanges with this person and never once did I question the fact that they might not be who they say they are. After "Paula" and I parted ways and she started Lez Get Real, we never spoke again. I felt it was in my best interest to continue on my own path and didn't feel the need to reconnect with someone who was clearly a loose cannon. Unfortunately, there are many other online writers that have worked with "Paula" closely on her site, Lez Get Real.

The news that "Paula Brooks" is a man has caused quite an uprising in the online lesbian blogging community. As I mentioned before, "Paula" had many interactions with many people in the online community. Another writer, and co-owner for Lez Get Real, Melanie Nathan, wrote about a similar experience she had with "Paula Brooks". According to the recently article she published called Paula Brooks from LezGetReal is a Man – Straight Man Fraud in the Lesbian World, she reiterates a similar experience she had with "Paula". Melanie writes,

"I have been a co-owner on LezGetReal and paid for the site LGR for two years. I left the site because I believed that Amina “the Gay Gal from Damascus” was not authentic. When I informed Paula Brooks, that I could not continue with LGR in good faith because of the blatant antisemitism, she set up a complex plot to assassinate my character and get me off the site. She was abusive and threatening and I resigned just in time before the Amina hoax exploded."

I am glad that "Paula Brooks" true identity has been revealed. I am feel incredibly saddened and confused as to why straight men would spend years pretending to be militant, lesbian activists. I have to ask you, Bill Graber, what were you trying to prove? And why did you torment, abuse, threaten and badger these women (including myself) who you claimed to care so much about. I am struggling to understand why these things have happened. It makes me question the validity of online personalities and how incredibly easy it is to be someone or something completely different then who you really are. It seems very cowardly if you ask me, to hide behind a computer and bully gay women. I guess there are some things I will never understand. Is the message here, trust no one? That, in itself, is disheartening, but it certainly makes me question my own naivety I am glad the truth is finally out there, though. They are right when they say that the truth will set you free. I hope that Bill Graber can finally get the help that he needs.

Interested in reading more about this? Geek Porn Girl has also written an article titled The Internet Brings Men Together, As Lesbians.

If you've written an article or had an experience with "Paula Brooks" or someone who faked an online identity, I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below.

- Publisher and Editor-in-Chief, Renee Gannon

Movie review: "Bridesmaids"

2011-06-03T13:45:00.001-07:00

BRIDESMAIDS

directed by Paul Feig
produced by Judd Apatow
written by Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo

MOVIE REVIEW BY CYNTHIA RODRIGUEZ

I first fell for Kristen Wiig when she played the kick ass roller derby team captain of the Austin, Texas Hurl Scouts, who also had a soft side being the only Mom on the team,
#99 MAGGIE MAYHEM. The one who said, "Be your own hero." I've never been a big SNL fan, so before that, I didn't really notice her, but I remember watching "WHIP IT" and thinking, "Who's that hot grrl that looks like Jennifer Aniston?"

So, I'm usually not a "going to the movies to see a comedy" kind of person. I'm always afraid they are gonna suck, and that I spent twenty bucks on a bag of popcorn alone for nothing. Especially when I consider it to be a "chick-flick". It's usually ONLY when my "date" insists on seeing one, or when I do the group grrly thing and we do dinner and a movie that most likely has something to do with "Sex And The City". I prefer my action/big epic drama/horror film/super hero movie you should see on IMAX kind of films. Everything else can wait until Netflix.

This time I made an exception. I was feeling very chill and laid back this week, and the middle of the week movie night was a spontaneous, rare occurance for me. I'm glad I did that, because it was actually funny as hell.

I think this may possibly be my first "Judd Apatow" experience, even though he did not necessarily write this one, just produced it. And it was without the usual "SLACK PACK" of guys he has in his movies. My first Apatow experience happened to be with all girls, which was quite delightful. The fact that it was from the makers of "SuperBad", etc, really didn't impress me, since I haven't seen any of those films, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

The aforementioned Kristen Wiig stars as "Annie", a woman who is down and out on love, work, her living situation, and...well, pretty much everything and then all of a sudden gets sucked into the vortex that is known as being the maid of honor in her best friend's wedding. The timing couldn't be worse. She's broke, bitter, and not exactly in the most stable state of mind to be planning her BFF's most important time of her life, but she deals, as best as she can, with not too successful results. Sucks for her, but very funny for the rest of us.

The movie dives into the bizarro world that is what I call "wedding culture". There are magazines, books, TV shows, and a multitude of other media dedicated to it. All those quirky, little rituals we have for each other when one is about to strap on the ball and chain, the showers, bachelorette parties, all the elaborate planning for this and that, the venue, the dress, the decorations, the food, the guest list, the entertainment, blah, blah, blah. I believe all that can sometimes get a little out of control. It's fucking insanity. Socially acceptable insanity.

A few notes, on a few things: Some bits of it kinda reminded me of an Adam Sandler movie. Just a few moments when the humor just seems a little too much for me. Like for example, what I call the "gross factor" as in, I didn't really need to see a woman puking on another woman's head. I think there is a tendency for a lot of today's comedies to have that kind of over the top bathroom humor, like literally in the bathroom humor. It's probably just my age showing, but moving right along...

Chris O'Dowd who plays Annie's love interest Officer Nathan is adorable. Although I don't know if it's just me, but his Irish accent was a bit questionable. I felt like I sometimes heard it, and then sometimes I didn't. Not necessarily great looking but so fucking sweet, cute, and charming, you just want to eat him up, with a cream puff on top, as opposed to Annie's "Ted", the dickhead, so-called "friend with benefits" played too well by "Mad Men" Jon Hamm who is really good at playing a douchebag.

The scene-stealer Melissa McCarthy's "Meagan" should have TOTALLY been a dyke. It was like c'mon people! Can't you see it?! The moment she walked onto the screen me and my friend looked at each other and were like "LESBIAN!" It didn't even feel right hearing her talk the way she did about men, and the last scene during the credits with that guy was just WRONG. When she was talking about doing a "Fight Club" bachelorette party theme, I thought to myself, "Thatta grrl!--- yep, LESBIAN!"

It's also good commentary on true friendship, that long-time, goes way back to child-hood, we know everything about each other, and been through everything together, can't do anything without you kind of friendship, and what that means, and how important it is, especially to women.

This is the kind of "girly" movie that is good for EVERYONE. One that both women, and men can appreciate. If not for the theme, definitely for the humor. Whoever says that women can't be funny can kiss Meagan's ass.