It’s not unexpected, I came in with him.

[Image property of Hyperbole and a Half]

The problem is that she’s disappeared from the interwebs. Apparently she’s been struggling with depression, and it’s taken its toll on her hysterical blogics (comics + blog = blogics. Shut up, I’m tired.) and she’s taking time to focus on feeling better. And while I can certainly understand and appreciate that (I did the same thing a couple years ago), you should all spend the rest of your day reading her blog without taking a break to eat or pee (I’m serious, no breaks) and flood her blog with equally hilarious comments to encourage her to come back. Deal? Deal.

Hyperbole and a Half? More like Hilarious and a Half.

Day 16 ::: Sad, heavy tree is sad. And heavy.

Took 25 minutes to drive 3 miles to work…. Welcome back, winter.

Day 15 ::: My view when I feel like crap. Like right now.

“WE WANNA PLAY!”

To all my Chicago-area friends, I still hold daily jealousy for your ability to grab Portillo’s italian beef and a milkshake anytime you want.

And now to my Elgin friends – revel in the beauty that is the grand opening of their newest restaurant. I wish you many extra calories and delicious, dripping goodness.

Go forth and gain (completely understandable and acceptable) weight.

I’ll just be over here crying in my coffee.

Sniffle, sniffle…

Day 14 ::: GO HOME KOOZIE, YOU ARE DRUNK.

Day 13 ::: He hauled ass up the tree with an apple core with his friends, then saw me and hauled ass back down and ran past me. Squirrels have no logic.

We all know that laundromats are historically uncomfortable, awkward places. This isn’t news. You have awkward people who awkwardly protect certain washers and dryers and will stab you for even looking at “theirs”. There’s the one person who always takes up entirely too many machines and can’t seem to figure out how to sort their garments to save their lives. Or the one person who will look at and fold every single article of clothing that comes out of the dryer for entirely too long while you desperately try to be patient and not rip all of their clothes out of their hands and throw it in the street. These are the people who I feel really need to get their lives together. I mean, c’mon. Seriously.

But today I found a new level of strange and creepy. To set the scene, there are about 10 washers and 10 dryers in my complex’s laundry room. I’m using 2, and 2 others are occupied (for those of you who are mathematically challenged, that means there are 6 washers free). This woman comes in with at least three machines’ worth of clothes in two small hampers. She stacks them on top of each other on top of one washer, and then barley fills the machine, closes the door, sets the timer, and stands directly in front of it and stares at it. And keeps staring at it. For 30 minutes. I left and came back in, and she was in the exact same pose, staring at the washer. When that machine finished, she took out the wet clothes and piled them on the floor in front of the washer, and then barely filled it again. And stared at it, again.

Over a few hours time that I did a few loads of laundry, I watched her do this at least 5 times, and she wasn’t even halfway through her clothes. She never put anything in the dryer, and she just kept piling wet clothes in front of this single washer.

Moral of the story: I desperately need a house with my own laundry room that does NOT have creepy people in it.