http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/metro/6372972.html

If someone asks you how you know you are happy or how you know you are in love…that would be a completely appropriate time to say “I know it by heart.” BUT if someone asks you how you just recited Pi to the 46th digit…please think(with your BRAIN) before you speak and let them know that “I know it by brain!”

I did not realize when I accepted this new position that dealing with customer complaints was part of the job description, so forgive me that I am not very accommodating when doing so.  I can almost pretend to care about the legitimate ones, but if I have to spend one more minute listening to or reading about how you are “appalled” that we carry the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated in our stores I think I might snap.  We are not the Family Christian Bookstore…we are a sporting goods retailer…we sell swimsuits…I’m sure you own several swimsuits…but for some reason the girl on the cover of the magazine wearing one is offense?  Is it because you know you will never look that good in one???  Do you seriously have nothing better to do with your time than to waste mine letting me know you are never going to shop with us again because one time a year our magazine rack has the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition sitting on it???  Wal-mart sells it, Walgreens sells it, Target sells it….go complain to one of them!!  The women on the cover of Shape and on the cover of Fitness are wearing less clothing than the women on the SI cover and no one complains about that.  It is funny how I haven’t had to deal with any MALE complaints on this….

I don’t understand how a 50 year old Asian woman riding a beach cruiser style bike down a busy high school aged infested sidewalk has the audacity to come to the crosswalk and push the button for the crosswalk signal 43 times within two seconds!  ONCE is enough.  Twice is a little obsessive and anything over that will get you dirty looks and possibly a very legitimate voo-doo curse issued under my breath.  In my experience, Asian people are never in a hurry – especially if you are behind one walking at the mall or in traffic.  Also, who would dare ride a bike in front of a high school at the precise time the kids have made it out to the streets and parking lots and then give off the illusion of being in such a hurry that they are unwilling to wait the 12 seconds for the cross light to signal the go ahead?  So picture if you will….a very busy sidewalk with angry and self proclaimed Princesses walking across the street to the nearest Starbucks for after school social hour and an old Asian woman on a bike trying to make it to the crosswalk.  Once the Asian lady makes it to the crosswalk she proceeds to hit the button multiple times.  I’m sitting in my car with my daughter and we are watching all of this happen.  My daughter notices the Asian lady pushing the button and asks why this lady keeps doing that.  I said I didn’t know, she must be mentally unstable and then I proceeded to chant “Banish, Bind, and Enemy Be Gone”.  So with all that said, please don’t be the person that mashes the button more than once.  This applies to elevators, buzzers, doorbells, and crosswalk signals.  You just look stupid and you piss people off.  STOP!   

- bread and butter

- in the wheelhouse

- beat a dead horse

- between a rock and a hard place

- pedal to the metal

- high on the hog

- cut the mustard

- you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette

- cash cow

- firing on all cylinders

I mean people say some of these things every now and then, but I swear to you this is all these entire meetings consist of. It is like some game I’m not aware of to see who can squeeze the most into the conversation. No actual work gets accomplished because no one is actually saying anything other than this crap!!! All of these phrases do not make you sound any more intelligent or important and they certainly don’t serve to get anything accomplished! ARGH!!! Just talk normally!!!!!