Good idea: Doing a S&M photo shoot. Bad idea, scheduling a OB/GYN appointment for the following day. Your doctor will see the massive bruises, she will not believe you do it for pleasure , you will have to sit threw a 30 minute talk about therapists and shelters in your area.

Never assume that your 10 year old in the next room is asleep and can't hear you having sex. He's going to be sitting in the back seat with a good friend the next day whispering "I heard my Mommy have an orgasm last night!"

No matter how many times you hit the pause button on YouTube, the music on your iTunes will never pause. On another note, no matter how many times you hit the pause button on your iTunes, the music on your IPOD will never, ever pause.

Never, EVER, play hardstyle and dubstep music while shaving.

Before panicking about gaining much more weight than you thought, unzip the dress before trying to put it on.

When going to a nightclub that uses blacklights, remember that your shirt is thin and your white bra will glow like a beacon under it. Everyone will spend all night staring at your "headlights".

The laptop has a battery, but the modem and router do not. The laptop will work when the power is knocked out by a storm, but you cannot use the internet to check the weather. #LFMF

Just because your American Sign Language teacher is deaf, doesnt mean the rest of the class can't. So when you fart, everyone will hear, laugh, and the teacher will have no idea what's so funny. Also: being deaf has no effect on your ability to smell. #LFMF

If you plan on using a paper shredder and you have REALLY long hair, you might want to put it up.
Just saying.

Walking in on your parents is embarrassing. walking in on just one parent? Even more so. #LFMF