I really need you to understand something right now. I need you to understand how important you are and how important your life is. I have experienced something recently that has changed my world. It wasn’t just for me. It was for you. You are on purpose. You are intentional. You won’t regret reading this.

A year and a half ago I received some pretty shocking news. I had been trying to start a family for sometime. I always knew that I would be a mother and I always subconsciously created my world around that reality. Even my pursuit of a career in college revolved around the question “What can I do and still be a “stay at home mom?” Now, what I meant by that is what job is really flexible, that I could set my own hours, work on my own terms, and still be the main caretaker of my child. So, I graduated with a Bachelors in Business Administration w/ a concentration in Entrepreneurship. I knew starting my own business would be the solution, and photography sort of fell into my lap not long after I graduated. It’s what I’ve poured my heart and soul into for the past 5 years. In retrospect it’s sort of bizarre to me that I planned so much around being a mom because it was never on the forefront of my mind. The desire never truly hit me until YEARS later. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that. I was very content with it being just me and my husband.  Nonetheless, I see how God orchestrated something that would take place years later by planting a subconscious seed that resulted in me creating the perfect circumstances for myself. He planted a seed of thought that I constantly and unknowingly responded to.

When the desire to start a family came about, I was met with disappointing pregnancy tests month after month. Not a good feeling. From the moment you are trying to start a family, everything in your world changes. You expect every month that you will be pregnant and you start to prepare as if it’s happened. Only for it not to happen which forces you to continue on with your current life situations when your heart is already somewhere else. Eventually fear sets in. Doubt sets in. Your plans are ruined. Our plans get ruined because we think we have God figured out. We think He works on a schedule. Our schedule.

He doesn’t.

Back to the news. At the age of 28,  I sat across the desk from a doctor, only to be told I had less than a 2% chance of conceiving naturally. There was a major issue at hand and InVitro Fertility (IVF) was pretty much the only way I might get pregnant. It was only a better chance. There were no guarantees.

I was pretty shocked. It’s not how I wanted to get pregnant. I never envisioned myself having to go through something like that just to have a baby. After all I felt like I waited on Gods timing before trying to have kids. I have no question that this was His timing. So why wasn’t it working?

I have the answer. It was His timing. Just not his process. For the first time I could really see that I couldn’t mix God’s timing with my process. It’s His way or no way.

Now stay with me. There’s something I want you to see.

We were on board with IVF instantly.  I won’t go into the expenses, the time consumption, the setbacks, the frustration, and the anxiety that this process was for me. Just know those things existed in a big way.

I wanted to know how this worked. What do I need to do. What needs to happen. I sat and listened to the doctor explain to me and my husband every phase that has to occur on a microscopic level – each phase that has to occur perfectly so the next phase can simply have the chance to occur perfectly. From me injecting myself with countless shots of hormones a day, so that the ovaries can grow big and mature more eggs, so the doctor can retrieve as many eggs as possible, in hopes that they actually are mature, so when they are joined with sperm they can fertilize (hopefully), so they can continue to divide, and continue progressing for 5 to 6 days into a fully developed embryo (blastocyst), with hopes that once they get to that stage they are even healthy embryos that can be transferred into a womb that will allow its attachment and be hospitable enough to allow a baby to develop for 9 months until he/she is born.

Did that make your head explode? Because that’s not even a fraction of what occurs. That’s just a fraction of what I’m sharing.

When you naturally conceive these things occur without you knowing about it. I remember thinking as I sat and listened for hours about how everything works ” How do any of us exist?” ” How did any of us not only get here, but continue to thrive and be alive and live year after year in this world? A world full of so much life and good but yet full of so many toxic things. So many toxic ways.  So much evil. So much affliction. How are we still here?

The answer is simple. Because you are on purpose. Your life was intentional from the start. Your life formed with perfection whether you knew it or not. There is a behind the scenes that you can’t see, that’s working in your favor. There is value in what you’re going through. There’s a lesson in the adversity you are facing. There’s hidden treasures in the mountain you are climbing.  We face mountains so we can show others how they can be moved – how they can be climbed – the technique we used – the strategy we applied – how to get our bearings – how to persevere – how to move forward – how to pace ourselves. Ultimately, how to change our process to get the reality we want.

It’s so important that I share this message because I never realized how far removed I was from valuing my own life. How far removed I was from valuing my skill and the talents God has given me.

I want you to know something. When you are completely thrown out of your comfort zone, you tend to become vulnerable to the idea that it will never be over. You think the hell you are experiencing will always be the case. That is not true.  If you press on with what you can control, God will work out what you can’t control.

With all of the challenges I faced over the past few years, I have never been more happy to announce that the one and only healthy embryo that we ended up with is continuing to live out his purpose in my womb. I am now almost 27 weeks pregnant with a little man who is expected to arrive by Jan. 3. He has already changed my world and my life will never be the same.

I wouldn’t change anything about what I experienced and what I learned. Your life is on purpose.

LIFE & PHOTOGRAPHY

I am transitioning in photography. I don’t know what that looks like overall, but I know I am coming to a temporary stopping point in order to prepare for my little one. I am playing life right now by ear. I don’t know when I will step back into photography, but I know when I do, I have a sneaky feeling that I will be inspired by motherhood beyond belief. Thank you for believing in me and  allowing me to celebrate and capture beautiful memories of you, your families, and your beautiful children.

I have had the honor of photographing the most AMAZING group of high school seniors this past year. From star athletes to valedictorian/salutatorians to cheerleaders to dancers to honors graduates, the talent and drive among these 17/18 year olds was truly impressive. From Hamshire-Fannett, West Brook, Lumberton, Hardin-Jefferson, Silsbee, and other schools around the golden triangle, these college bound seniors allowed me to create the most amazing memory of their senior year. So many times when I receive calls from parents about a senior photo-shoot they will tell me that their senior picked me. They hand picked me out of dozens and dozens of photographers, and that is why I have a special place in my heart for each and every one of them. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for trusting me to photograph this special time in your life. I wish you the best of luck in everything you set out to accomplish!!!

Below are photos just from the Spring. Scroll down to posts from the Fall or earlier in the year to see more of the beautiful 2015 Seniors.

I created something new this Valentines. At the start of the New Year I was inspired to do the “ALL FOR LOVE” mini sessions. You can read more about it here. I rarely do mini sessions. I can only think of 3 I’ve done in the past 4 years. There may be one I’m not remembering.

I set the scene up in my studio lounge. It was interesting setting up an indoor photo-shoot. The style I went with is much different than what I usually photograph, but it was a lot of fun to try something different. It was the first time for me to photograph at my studio lounge. If you’ve been to it, you know it’s a cozy place where you view your images for the first time, get to see beautiful products, and have things designed right in front of you. It is not a studio for photographing. Most of my photos are taken outside using natural light. Needless to say, I had to temporarily flip it to photograph…which took DAYS. I had to remove furniture, rearrange EVERYTHING, hang 9ft white black out material all over the place, bring in studio strobes, backdrops, create backdrop “floors” from scratch, homemade props, props, and more props, and the list goes on. That was exhausting. I think I need a natural light indoor studio so that I never have to do that again. :):):)

However, the reality is if I had to I would do it again. That TINY bit of work I had to do, that feels like “so much”, doesn’t even compare to an actual problem that a child lives and endure in many parts of the world. There are children that endure starvation daily and are forced into horrific situations, like human trafficking. CHILDREN. If I could help them all, God knows I would. I know I can only do my part, and I hope you will do yours as well.

A total of $633.56 has been donated from the sessions through Samaritanspurse.org to help put a stop to these horrific situations that children are forced to live with. There are many organizations to donate through and I hope you will find one that suits you. A big thanks to my husband Kirk for all of his help and support!! (Btw -He made that bow and arrow in the photos from scratch. Pretty handy guy, huh?!) Thank you to all of those who participated. Every time you look at these photos of your kids I want you to remember the little children you helped. Make sure to hug those that you love a little tighter today. HAPPY LOVE DAY!!