Life As Fun As This..

Exams, exams and REVISION :-D

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Tue, 24 May 2011 19:20:00 +0000

Afraid that this part of the year is when we are filling our heads with info until they mince up into putty, and generally try to learn something for the next day/hour/minute.

Yup, its GCSE time (for those not in the UK, its our final school exams, and they're quite important!).

Anyway, here's some revision tips for those of you who aren't interested (most of my readers I assume...):

Take freqent breaks (not bickies, breaks from learning)
Close your book after reading a page and remember as much as you can (you know, like those TV competitions)
Listen to your music if you feel like it (maybe not death metal...)
Don't let your friends push you into not revising, and playing games instead (ahem.)
Enjoy yourself (yeah?)

Judgement Day...

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 23 May 2011 15:44:00 +0000

Apparently Judgement Day is set to be May 21st. Seriously? Well yeah...

Have you noticed that all the supposed "end of the world" dates are fast approching:

Judgement Day is on May 21st 2011
The End of the World is on October 21st 2011
Aztec calender is set to finish on December 21st 2012

Does this worry you?
Nope, me neither.
Well there we go, thought you'd be pleased to hear that. Also, what's so precial about the 21st of those months? They're all the same.

Friday Favs #5

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Fri, 20 May 2011 15:52:00 +0000

Poetry Sucks...

Microsoft buy Skype?

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Wed, 18 May 2011 15:27:00 +0000

So, apparently the giant that is Microsoft have bought Skype form eBay (I think - let me know if I got it wrong) for $8.5bn. Thats quite a few Mars Bars worth of cash.

Now, tell me if I'm wrong again, but how exactly does MS justify this? I mean, its not as if we all pay Skype for use of their services, is it? To be honest, I reckon its more of a jab towards Apple, as MS try to out-do them on the face-time line of things (which, incidently, I don't have).

This battle between MS and Apple is, to put not too fine a point on it, not going very well for Microsoft - what they need to do is come up with something original, escape the confines of the MS OS.

Make an iPhone.
Actually - that's already been done, hasn't it?

Hey, don't buy anything in our shop!

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:03:00 +0000

As promised in a post ages ago, which I forgot (Ahem.), here is my account of my last visit to the great capital. London.

I must admit that the arcitectural beauty of the city is a wonder to behold. There, I hope I didn't sound too much like michael palin. Good. Then I'll continue.

The aim of the game was simple - to visit the silver vaults, their sparkling, shiny little works of art; the sheer value of the contents; the brilliant salesmanship of the shop owners.

Can you guess the opening, greeting sentence of the doorman, eager to earn some of my money [which nobody was going to anyway - I just wanted a nosy]

"Sorry mate, we've just closed"

Hey, I love the way the silver vaults' decided to ignore the basic rule of making making money - selling things.

The exitement of visiting, the drama as I found a map, the suspense as I crossed the bridge; all quelched as soon as I actually found the building. You'd think they'd signpost it, wouldn't you? Yeah, ok, so I took 5 wrong turns. Big deal.

Notice how I neglect to mention that the opening hours were clearly stated on the map I printed out.

How not to escape a detention

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 16 May 2011 15:02:00 +0000

My class mates lack of imagination often suprises me. They are quite often late to a lesson, and generally get into trouble because of it.

It is amazing how a little thought could get them out of trouble - a tidy excuse / alibi goes a long way.

If they have just come in from the field, having messed around with their game of football for too long, then their reason for being late is "sorry miss, I was putting my ball away."

You'd think that they'd come out with a nice, neat, tidy excuse like "I was taking tommy to first aid."

This is the same problem with MPs - no imagination.

Which is why we are in a recession.

How not to make money

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Sat, 14 May 2011 13:21:00 +0000

While there are more and more sites out there, offering to help you make money on the net [trust me, I've searched for them too!], it has occurred to me that something doesn't quite stack up.

If they are so good at making money, then why do they need a site with adverts? The answer is simple. They don't have a clue either.

Their best guess is that making a mint out of telling others their ideas is probably a good idea. You don't really think that they have a clue what they're talking about, do you?

Put it this way. Teachers, for all their wisdom, are forever telling us kiddiewinkles what we should be doing. Now this is probably a good idea, because there would be complete chaos if it was slightly up to us.

But do they follow their own example? No.

To give an example, I know a teacher who works in a primary school. Along with other things, she teaches handwriting lessons.

Good luck with trying to read HER writing!

Picture this scene. A spider falls into a bottle of whisky. It then climbs out, and falls headlong into an ink pot. Paralytically, it then stumbles accross a wide expanse of A4 paper.

The spider's 'writing' looks an awful lot neater than this handwriting teacher's!

Which just goes to show that most people who teach you something are extremely hypercritical.

Especially if it is to do with money.

Friday Favs #4

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Fri, 13 May 2011 15:00:00 +0000

AAAARRRGGGHHH its Friday 13th guys!! Unlucky for some... Anyway, here's this week's Friday Favourite: Allergic?...

I'm gonna sue you cos you said I'm crap

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Wed, 11 May 2011 14:59:00 +0000

I read on yahoo news a while back that a woman who went on stage in Britain's Got Talent is going to sue them, because they called her rubbish.

Now I don't mean to be rude, but they were right. And isn't that the whole point of the program? To laugh your ass off at someone making a complete fool of themselves? Or am I missing the point somewhere...

Anyway, I really hope that she doesn't get any compensation. Not only because the presenters were only telling her what everyone else was thinking. Not just because the program would have to get every subsequent congruent to sign a form, saying that they agree not to sue the presenters, directors, window cleaners, sound people, or the person who last cleaned the floor; for any reason whatsoever. Or because I think she's wrong. But because if she does win, this will happen:

• It will set a precedent for future cases
• It will give one of the annoying (and plain wrong) no-win-no-fee suing jerks a real win
• The program will stop broadcasting, so we won't be able to laugh at some imbecile hopping around on one leg, while juggling fire, and riding a unicycle.

Only cos I'm jealous.

Make life easier: don't think

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Tue, 10 May 2011 14:58:00 +0000

I was in for a shock when I Iogged into my computer account at school this morning. Or rather, TRIED to log in.

"Login denied. You have been locked out of your account. Please contact a network administrator." was the cheerful message designed to brighten up my day.

So, as I was traipsing up the stairs to the ICT dep., I began to wonder why I had been locked out. The usual reasons for an admin locking you out at school is one of the following: you have been playing too many online games [yep] / you have entered a virus onto the IT system [don't think so] / your 'friends' have tried to guess your password too many times [probably]. So, with a 1 out of 3 score, my chances were looking pretty slim.

It was with a heavy heart that I summoned up the strength to knock on the door. "Oh, sorry mate, I'll just reset your password for you"

I could have hugged him. I didn't. Instead I mustered up a world-weary grin, and thanked him.

It just goes to show - life is an awful lot easier if you don't think.

Man found starved in desert surrounded by packets of food

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 09 May 2011 14:57:00 +0000

It is only a matter of time before the above headline appears in one of the newspapers. Have you tried going on a desert exploration with a couple of packets of nuts, and some beans? Obviously not. You're still alive to read this.

I'm not sure the harsh reality of this crazy situation has quite been realised yet. I bought a chocolate bar as a little treat for myself. I tried to open it. Tear at the seam? No. Pull the heat sealed halves apart? No. Bite the end off? Nope. Get your fingernail under the hopeless little flap? No.

I resorted to cutting it open with a pair of scissors.

So, as I was out, I bought a pair. Brilliant packet design. You need a pair of scissors to open the packet of a pair of scissors. I'm sure there's an irony in there somewhere.

So I bought a knife to chop the packet open. Sealed packet. Penknife? Plastic seal. In the end I resorted to the stone age method. I grabbed a Flint and scratched away at the packet containing the chocolate bar.

"So what?" you ask yourselves. I'll tell you.

This is simply another example of the short-sightedness of the current population of humanity. No forward thinking.

Which is why the olympics are being hosted in the UK.

Friday Favs #3

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Fri, 06 May 2011 14:56:00 +0000

Sorry, but this really was funny...

Moral high-ground?

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Thu, 05 May 2011 14:54:00 +0000

Another older post guys.. Hopefully this is the last I have forgotton. (Btw, its the 5th of the 5th wooo)..
#

The time has come when the applications for Head Boy and Head Girl come flooding in. Or more to the point, are sent by me. [yeah, haha not the one for Head Girl]

Anyway, we've had the interview, the team building excercises etc. and now we just have to find out who's been selected. We were going to find out on Friday according to the letter. Friday, according to the headmaster when he 'interviewed' us. Friday, according to some guy who asked him during Fridays lunchtime. Yeah? Well it's Tuesday now.

Can you guess what the requirements are? Good attendence, punctuality, reliability, and many more ...ility words.

Funny, that.

No entry to dirty hands

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Wed, 04 May 2011 14:51:00 +0000

Yup, it's time for another signs post. This time it's the 'No entry to dirty hands' sign that is lucky enough to be talked about (if you have anything you would like me to blog about, please type it into the bar in the sidebar somewhere, or contact me).

I'm sure you've all seen it. There is a picture (the kind you'd expect to find in cave drawings - you know the type) of a man with a big grubby hand stretched out toward you. There is also a big red circle with a line through it, showing, if I'm not mistaken, that people with dirty hands are not allowed access.

The real meaning? No access to unauthorised personnel. Yeah right.

I'm suprised they don't have to have an arrow pointing to the nearest wash-room.

Norfolk - squeak

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Tue, 03 May 2011 14:48:00 +0000

Just found this ancient post which I never uploaded. Soz guys: here it is...
#

Well here I am - on holiday at Norfolk. For those of you who are just as bad as me at geography, it's on the top of the right hand sticky-out bit of England. Right. Now that we've got that sorted.

First impressions? Well, actually I guess it's second impressions seeing as I've already been here. Second impressions? Mmm, better, bigger room than I had last time. Great!

"SQUEAK"

Yeah, I found the loose floorboard 5 seconds later on my way to check out the sea view. Now. If you had to position a loose floorboard in a hotel room, where would you put it? Near the wall, so that the least number of people tread on it? Or between the end of the bed and the sofa, so the only way past is to tread on the blasted thing? Have a guess.

It's not that bad though. It's just a pity that everyone in the room will have a very vivid picture of when you get up to go to the loo at night, and how long you take. Hmmm.

Pill boxes for children

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 02 May 2011 14:45:00 +0000

This isnt just related to pill boxes, but anything child-proof. Have you ever noticed that children find it the easiest to get into dangerous packets?

Pill boxes, medicines, Bleach are just a few that this theory applies to, but anything anti-child really.

Older people can't open them because of their rhumitism, parents can't open them because they've still got their fingers in plaster from when little jimmy bit them, and nobody else can because they're allowed to.

Children on the other hand are not.

Which is why they find it the easiest to get into.

Friday Favs #2

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:46:00 +0000

Toilet Rolls...

Poetry sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 14:44:00 +0000

Ok guys, I've done all my English GCSE Coursework. 'Yeah, good for you. So what?' you're thinking

Well, now I've finished, I have the wonderful treat of doing poetry. Now, for all you poetic freaks out there, yes poetry can be quite good at times.

Unfortunately not this time.

We've got a whole anthology to basically learn off by heart, a massive load of annotations to do, and god knows what else.

'where does this relate to me?' I hear you asking. Well, back in the middle ages, people who liked poetry were allowed to get on with it; without shoving it down everybody else's throat. Including mine.

Yup, these days we all feel obliged to sit straight and kill our manly sides slowly, 'cos it's polite.

And I don't know why either. If we were all honest, and told people what we really thought, they'd stop feeding it to us like baby food.

Yum, yum [extreme sarcasm]

Roll on the time machine

Tate modern

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 14:43:00 +0000

A while back, I went to Tate modern.

Unsuprisingly, I hadn't planned on visiting it, it just sort of happened. Well, not quite. But I'll explain this in my next post. If I remember.

When I turned up on the doorstep, there was a little exhibition to the side. So I went in.

It was quite good actually, it was based on star wars - but that's not the point. I thought it was quite good, and I planned on doing something about it as part of my art project at school [yep. I'm afraid I haven't escaped the clutches of our education system yet. Not for quite a while]. Of course, I never got round to it.

So I went inside, expecting something the same kind of quality. How wrong could I be?

To be fair, there were at least 4 pieces out of the seemingly millions that were quite good. Maybe.

My favorite just had to be the picture I found upstairs. I forget it's name now, but it's description was brilliant. In place of the norml 'oil on canvas', or the slightly more unusual 'acrylic on wood' was a caption saying 'mirror on canvas' - I quote exactly.

Yup, that's right folks, I was looking at a mirror. Stuck on a bit of cloth. I wouldn't mind, but they hadn't even painted the edges of it.

However, this was just one of many beautiful pieces of modern 'art', closely followed by a canvas with a tear in the middle, and the black canvas with a brush hair and dust.

Annotated.

The only thing that annoys me is that the superb artist on the river bank, painting the bridge, doesn't earn a penny for most his stuff.

And his is better.

Umbrella sign

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 14:43:00 +0000

There are many signs that will eventually be lucky enough to be discussed in this blog, and this time it's the 'man having trouble with umbrella' sign's turn. Lucky it.

I'm sure you've all seen it. There is a triangular black splodge in the bottom left corner with a stick poking out of it, and a man holding it.

He is obviousely in distress - he is unfurling his umbrella into the ground - last time I checked, it was solid.

The real meaning? Warning: Road works. Yeah right.

Even Paddington Bear agrees with me.

WARNING: Dont crash into this sign!

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 14:41:00 +0000

I was on the way to school, as I so often am in these posts, when I passed a road works sign on the right hand side of the road.

Well, to say 'a' sign is a slight lie. I passed a jumble of every sign in the least way relevent to the hole in the Tarmac.

Here is my best guess as to what the signs meant. Pedestrians: go on the right hand pavement. Cars: one lane closed. Cars: one lane merged into other. Cars: no temporary traffic lights. Warning: don't drive or fall into this hole. Warning: man having trouble with umbrella [more on that later]. Cats: don't climb in and get stuck. Dogs: don't chase cats into here. Etc.

Less than 4 feet was actually taken out of the drivable space, the road was a dead end anyway, and any pedestrian stupid enough to climb over the safety barrier and fall in deserves what they get.

I wouldn't mind if the hole was more than 10 cm deep.

Friday Favs#1

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 14:40:00 +0000

Last out of Class...

Well, we really are lost

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 14:38:00 +0000

On the way to school this morning, I saw a highway maintenance van take a right-hand turn down a side street.

30 seconds later, I saw it reverse back out again at high speed again. It then proceeded to speed up to a traffic warden, and stop.

Intregued, I did a Sherlock Holmes, and pretended that my school had miraculously teleported itself to the end of that road.

In other words, I went and had an earwig. They were asking for directions!

We know that there's something wrong with our road system the minute a highway maintenance van asks you where the nearest depot is.

Why can't we all eat like chefs

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 14:37:00 +0000

I was watching a cooking program the other day, although I won't name who, and was interested by the words used.

The host was explaining how healthy the desert dish was. While pouring maple syrup all over it. When finished, she then proceeded to explain that the dish contained no added sugar.

Um, I'm pretty sure that maple syrup contains some suger.

Quite a lot a actually - what else is in it?

Anyway - my point is this. What if health was purely an opinion. What if thinking something was bad for me actually made it bad for me. What if thinking something was good for me actually made it good for me.

Great, I can finish that chocolate bar now :-).

Here's how this is going to work:

noreply@blogger.com (Matt) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 14:35:00 +0000

Ok guys, no doubt you have realised that this blog has only just really got off the ground. Nevertheless, it is now up and running. This blog now has a YouTube account (check it out @ www.YouTube.com/user/LifeAsFunAsThis ). On this I will post a video roughly outlining what will happen in tomorrows edition. Don't forget to check it out for sneak previews, hints and tips; and what will soon be happening. I am willing to try setting up a members section, as soon as I cam see it working.

Now for the blogs. No doubt there will be a couple of weeks where posts are weekly, but the plan is as follows:

• On Monday: I will write a witty post
• On Tuesday: I will write a witty post
• On Wednesday: I will write a witty post
• On Thursday: I will write a witty post
• On Friday: Friday Favourites
• And I will have the weekend off! =D

What are...?
•Friday Favourites: every Friday I will re-post a popular edition to the blog. This will have been either voted by you, or decided by me. Who needs a democracy?!

Thanks for the waves of good luck I feel radiating out towards me, and please point your friends to this blog (www.Life-As-Fun-As-This.blogspot.com); our YouTube channel where nothing happens, (www.YouTube.com/user/LifeAsFunAsThis); and post links all over the place - social networking, texts, emails, etc.

DON'T FORGET - THIS BLOG WILL CRUMBLE AND FALL WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT

=P