Here are 9 ways to ensure that you DON’T get good help:

1. You Feel entitled to receive help

This is the number one reason most people go wrong. Nobody is entitled for anything. An exception may be with members of your circle of love but other than that you got to earn your way into getting good help.

2. Your timing is Wrong

Mediocre help is everywhere and good help will ALWAYS be scarce. This means people who can provide good help are busy. Sometimes they are VERY busy. You catch them on those times and your chances will be slim.

3. You are an opportunity cost rather than an opportunity

If someone lends you really good help, they are making an investment in you for the future. If they don’t see you as a good enough investment, you are an opportunity cost rather than an opportunity.

4. You make ridiculous requests

I have heard this from many smart people. The requests they get for help are ridiculous. To fulfill their requests, one has to go through the hoops, doing a reverse somersault and try to fly across a bridge (Not literally.. just trying to make a point here)

5. You don’t even attempt to make a case

Some requests are so poorly constructed that they it takes time to understand what exactly was asked. When you are asking someone to “invest” time on your behalf it would be reasonable to expect that you will “invest” your time to make a case for deserving that help.

6. You direct your requests to the wrong people

If you don’t make a request in the area of their core strengths, you have directed your request to the wrong person. It’s not OK to ask just because you can ask.

7. You are following wrong advice

This will be a controversial one. There is a lot of bad advice about making requests out here. One of the classic ones is, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” Follow this advice at your own peril. In general, if you ask for good help without deserving it, you will be mentally blacklisted AND there is a good chance that your future requests are deeply discounted. In other words, your future requests go a few places back in the queue.

8. You tend to spray and pray

This is the classic model for people like spammers to those blindly dialing for dollars. You think it’s a game of numbers. Getting good help rarely fits into the model, unfortunately.

9. Your willingness to pay twice

You need to be willing to pay twice. First time for the help itself and second time to implement and follow through as an outcome of receiving that good help. Most people are not even willing to pay once and being ready to pay twice is a rarity.

All of us need good help and all of us also need to provide good help. Here are two articles on those topics:

1. The Art of Giving and Getting Help – Part 1
2. The Art of Giving and Getting Help – Part 2

Photo Courtesy: The Tactician on Flickr

The Wrong Question

The dilemma or the catch is in situations where you have to stretch and go beyond the call of duty. Let’s take a hypothetical situation where you are bringing your 110% into the game. Unfortunately, the situation is such that your 110% is not sufficient to make things happen. It requires a lot more from you.

One option is that you keep giving more. A lot more – may be 200% to make this happen. This comes with a heavy price as you will be probably bringing 10% of you into other part of your life – generally to relationships that you (think) can take for granted for a while.

The question is: how far should you stretch?

The Right Question

This is the time for reflection. If you started answering the question above, you will lose even if you find the right answer. Because it’s the wrong question. While it would be cool to say you have got to do what you got to do to make things happen, you should ensure that you are not breaking your other part of life to pieces to go after something. It is not worth pursuing something while building up a bag of regrets to be opened after you reach your current destination.

The right question should be:
By how much should you increase your capacity so that you don’t have to give your 110% to make this happen?

Obviously, there are stages in a project where you have to walk the extra mile and you will. But, every project should make you think about capacity expansion so that it costs less and less of your time and energy to make things happen.

All the best!

“Show, not tell” is something that works every time like a charm. This is simply because the burden of proof is no longer in question once you show.

Even people who just “tell” know that “show, not tell” is better.

The Articulate Incapable

A class of people who are “articulate incapable” are creating a new kind of problem for everyone else. Once someone has had a bad experience with one or more “articulate incapable” people, they suspect everyone else. Because they don’t know whether you belong to the class of “articulate incapable,” they think it’s better to see some proof.

When you show, the proof is right there.

The Real Problem

Many people have nothing to show. So, they decide to keep telling and worse yet, they lean towards perseverance, “not giving up” mentality and positive thinking attitude etc to explain away why nobody is listening when they talk and continue to simply talk to more people.

Their strategy? Strength of Numbers. If they “tell” to a large number of people, at least some of them will listen and act – at least that’s what they believe.

To add to their woes, there are a few people around them who are also following the same strategy giving them false proof (in the name of social proof)

A Better Posture

When you don’t have anything to show, you have a real problem. You can get away with that (may be) in the early part of your career but that’s about it. After that, it’s all about solid proof of creating measurable value in whatever you claim.

A better posture will comprise of the following:

1. When telling doesn’t work, stop telling even more

There is a reason what you are telling is not sticking. By telling more, there is no guarantee that it will stick. In fact, if you keep telling the same thing (like a broken record) you will probably annoy the listener.

2. Don’t dodge the question

When it is clear to you that they are looking for proof, don’t dodge the question. Being honest and admitting that you have no proof is probably the best option than trying to fool someone.

3. Spend bulk of your time on creating something that you can show

Every moment you are spending on thinking about what to tell can be used for creating an asset that will help you show what you were going to tell. Granted that you can’t take this to an extreme but you can shave off a large chunk of your “time to tell” and refocus it on “creating.”

4. Sometimes you need to sacrifice to get a chance to show

When you are doing something for the first time, you face a dilemma of not having anything to show to get a chance to perform. So, what do you do?

You can do a number of things. Here are a few suggestions:

• Agree to Results-Based-Compensation: This will remove the risk of you not coming through with your promise. So the other party may be more open.
• Show accomplishments in related areas: You may be able to prove your capabilities indirectly.
• Work for No Compensation: This will be your investment in the future – a price you will pay make that necessary switch.
• Create a smaller version on your own: If you are writing a novel, start with a short story. If you are building a product, start with a prototype. If you are starting a band, start with a song. Do something small to show that you are on the path.

The above are some examples and in most cases it will require you to sacrifice something probably your entertainment quota in order to gain time for more important things.

5. Avoid the temptation for short-term wins.

Creating meaningful accomplishments takes time and effort. Usually a very long time. The biggest temptation that will derail you from your goals is the search for a short-term strategy to achieve something that you can only achieve in the long-term. Once you avoid the temptation, you can reclaim valuable time to focus on the right things.

All the best!

Photo Courtesy: Thaiskickass on Flickr

Do you want to be a
1) burden for some OR
2) blessing for many

Rarely will anybody pick the option 1. Nobody wants to be a burden for some. Besides, it would be politically incorrect to pick that choice, don’t you think?

So, it is safe to assume that 99.9% of the people will pick option 2. They want to be a blessing for many. In other words, intention-wise, we are all doing good. Majority of the people want to change the world for the better.

Then, why do you think we have so many problems?

The answer is in the old adage – “knowing is not doing but doing is doing.”

Let us dig deeper into the two options:

1. Burden for Some

When will you be a “burden for some”? When you can’t take care of yourself.

When can you not take care of yourself? When you don’t have the capacity or will to.

When will you not have the capacity to take care of yourself? When you have not invested in yourself.

So, it boils down to a series of choices you made along the way to invest (or not invest) in yourself.

2. Blessing for Many

When will you be a “blessing for many?” When you can make others life more meaningful.

How can you make the lives of others more meaningful? By caring for what they care about.

How can you care for what others care about? When you have extra capacity beyond what is required to take care of yourself.

How can you have “extra” capacity? By investing in yourself over a long period of time.

Summary: If you don’t invest enough in yourself, whether you want or not, there is a good chance that you will be a burden for some. On the other hand, when you invest in yourself over a long period of time, you have an “option” to be a blessing for many. Please note that I didn’t say you will be a blessing for many but you have an option to be a blessing for many. Because, it is a still a choice you have to make. In the first case, you don’t even have that choice.

All the best!

Think about it.

It seems like unfair to complain about people who get their job done.

Why blame them?

The birth of mediocrity

Mediocrity is not meeting the standards expected. That would be non-performance.

Mediocrity takes birth when people choose to do JUST what is required of them. If everyone in a department, takes that approach, the choreographer (the leader or manager) gets overloaded as he or she has to stitch the pieces of work with utmost care.

Now, imagine the exact opposite scenario. If every member of the team starts doing what is required of them and goes beyond that a bit to ensure that what they did really creates the necessary impact that the organization is expecting it would. This would mean that they have to walk a few extra steps or a mile as the case may require. The goal is for the team members to do things that will create the necessary impact their actions were designed to create. In this scenario, the choreographer has to spend very little time thinking through the pieces as the team is pretty much autonomous working in alignment of organizational goals.

The second case, as you can see, is far better than the first case.

The Case of Coupons

Recently, I was at a restaurant where there was a packet of coupons from Kohls. The packet was packaged in a neatly sealed plastic. Someone (probably) a customer had tried to open the packet but must have given up so all the coupons were inside the packet.

There was no incentive for the restaurant staff to open the packet.

So, that “someone” who will open the packet will be a restaurant customer who wants those coupons. This customer will have fumble through the packaging for at least a minute to get that coupon. As you can see, nobody had dared to do that for whatever reason.

I am confident that if those coupons were available freely many of them would have been taken.

The person who delivered the packet of coupons did his or her job. And, nothing more. If the person had thought even for a minute, he or she would have realized that the real value comes when people take these coupons and use them in the store. The first step was to make these coupons easily accessible. But, obviously, that would mean that the delivery person has to be more thoughtful about what else he or she needs to do beyond tossing the packet of coupons on the table.

C’est la vie!

Reflection time

Think about your own current project. Are you doing your job OR are you making sure that you are taking bigger responsibility to deliver the impact your piece was designed to deliver?

You know the answer for this and if you are not happy with the answer, you have the power to change it!

These are three photographs from an airline.

No smoking in the Lavatory (not that it’s allowed in the cabin, BTW)

No Cigarette Disposal (just in case you decide to break the rule)

Ash Tray (For your convenience, please)

Do you see?

Being congruent is hard work. Before you laugh at the above-mentioned example, will you please take a few moments to reflect on your own life and see where you are challenged to remain congruent?

Everyone knows the power of reciprocation – it’s usually a thank you gift as the result of a something received earlier. Reciprocation doesn’t work every time simply because there are too many free riders. Free riders are typically people who feel entitled to receive things for free and take those who help them for granted.

But, free riders should not prevent you from doing good as, thankfully, there are still MANY good people out there who value when something valuable is given to them. These good people feel super compelled to reciprocate. That is pure magic.

The problem?

You don’t know who is a free rider and who is not when you start helping people. Without making that assessment, you might end up doing a lot of work that may turn out to be just a “thankless” job. You might also get lucky and miss every single free rider. Being that kind of lucky would be ideal but you can rarely engineer that because in general, free riders will be a majority force.

On a lighter note, another option is to wish for others to change and you know what that will result in.

A better alternative

A better alternative would be to build a platform to be COO. No, not asking you to be the chief operating officer. COO that I am referring to here is “creating overwhelming obligations.”

COO = Creating Overwhelming Obligations

If you have a platform through which you can provide significant help to large number of people, you have a number of benefits:

1. Your cost of giving a valuable gift goes down significantly
2. You can scale without having to work like a dog
3. You can reach lot more people
4. You amplify your personal brand as a side benefit | The distinction is very important
5. You can expect your level of fulfillment to go up

When you use your platform to create significant help, everyone including the free riders benefit. But that’s OK as it’s part of the deal. There will always be a small percentage of people who will feel compelled to reciprocate. Not all of them may reach out to you but they may do things to amplify your message creating an even bigger platform for you making it even more simpler to provide signifiant help.

The virtuous cycle

The virtuous cycle looks like this:

1. You create a global platform and provide significant help
2. You provide significant help using the platform
3. Percentage of the people receiving help reciprocate back (sometimes this is as simple as amplifying your message)
4. Your platform grows bigger and reduces your cost of providing even bigger help
5. Go to step 2

A few examples

Fortunately, there is no dearth of people who create overwhelming obligations.

A few are project examples are listed below:

1. Khan Academy | Created an educational revolution. Thanks to Salman Khan
2. TED | Brought insightful content from across the world for the benefit of everyone
3. Wikipedia | Made Encyclopedia almost irrelevant
4. ChangeThis | Bringing awesome manifestos from awesome people for FREE.
5. Kickstarter | Creating a platform to bring many cool projects to life

I don’t want to list individuals as there are far too many to list but you get the idea.

Where could you start?

The process is different for different people (obviously) so I have chosen a sub-set of people who provide services to highlight the steps:

1. Deliver beyond expectations: The easiest way to meet or beat client expectations is to hold yourself to a higher standard than what your clients expect from you. When you go beyond expectations, you automatically create more value. In that process, YOU too become better at your craft.

2. Extract Re-usable Components: While you may be providing specific help, there are always things that are broadly applicable. You can easily extract those re-usable components and polish them up.

3. Package and Make them Relevant for the Present Times: Most advice won’t stand the test of time. But you can polish these components to make them relevant to present times.

4. Share with zero barriers: Next step is important – share these packaged insights with zero barriers. Choose a medium of your choice but share it as if someone is paying a fee.

Then, watch the magic unfold.

Photo Courtesy: nuvonova on flickr

Close your eyes for a few seconds and think about it again.

If you have got an answer, are you sure about that answer?

If you have not got an answer, are you still searching for one?

Actually, this is a trick question forcing you to come up with a reason to be happy. if you fall for that trap and choose to answer the question, immediately you surrendered yourself to conditional happiness. Whatever were the reasons you choose, those become the conditions for you to be happy.

What if you chose the default to be “happy?”

What if you really need a “good” reason to make you unhappy?

That would change the game completely. People around you might think you are a bit crazy as the default is not “happy” for most of them. The media and all the advertising is focused on telling them that they need to have that “something” to make them happy. Listen to the media and the chatter long enough and even you will think that you need that “something” to make you happy. That sets the discontentment and the gap to be happy.

Open Happiness

Let’s take a simple example – an advertisement from Coke.

The advertisement states that a coke bottle denotes opening happiness. With 39 grams of sugar within a bottle, if anything drinking that bottle of Coke will be closing happiness. However, what Coke (like any other advertiser) wants you to think is that you need their product to be happy. If you fall for that trap, you are a victim and you added one condition to be happy. Believe more such messages and you continue to add more conditions to be happy. Very soon, happiness comes to you ONLY with conditions attached.

The Antidote

The antidote is do exactly the opposite. Put a LOT of conditions to be unhappy and make your default state be that of happiness. Since that may not be easy, whenever you go down to the dark side (unhappiness) you can quickly acknowledge that and move back to the default state. It’s more fun that way.

Photo Courtesy: roosanaa on Flickr

I wish life would be this simple. A third element comes into the picture that makes things a bit complex. That third element is “what you portray as your ability.” Now there are a number of combinations that are possible. Here are few of them:

1. Shortchanging yourself: Your ability closely matches with your belief but what you are portraying is much below what you are really capable of.

2. Over-confident: Your belief about your ability is much higher than the reality of the situation. However, what you portray matches with your belief. Unfortunately, others can see your real ability and hence you come across as over confident.

3. Over-hyped: You know what your real ability is but you choose to portray your ability as way higher than what it is. In an extreme case, you focus your attention on how to portray yourself better rather than improving your ability.

4. Lacks Confidence: Your actual ability is way higher than your belief but you portray your ability closer to your belief clearly demonstrating a lack of confidence. In many cases you know this but you don’t want to change because you want to be absolutely clear that you can deliver on your promises.

Of course, there are many more combinations possible. It is good to reflect on your own case and see if that posture is helping you both in the short-term and in the long-term. If it is not, then today may be very well that day to make a shift.

My feeling is that we need to put on a different hat when we are thinking about preparation = what we should conjure up is the image of the prize and not the price.

The prize is already factored in when you prepare. You have got your ROI way before you perform. In fact, the moment you start preparing well, you are accumulating positive ROI.

A couple of examples:

I recently gave two talks in Bengaluru on the topic of “Why Smart People Get Stuck.” This is a topic I have been researching on for 3.5 years so I thought it would be a breeze. However, as I started preparing for the talk, there were whole lot of things that I had to deal with – including structure, examples, opening, closing, transition, pausing, preparing slides, animation, sequencing and actual delivery in front of the mirror etc. Preparation has an in-built magical element that ups the clarity in your own mind on the topic that you are preparing. That’s exactly what happened. The more I prepared, the more I prepared, the clearer the concepts became. The prize was right there during the preparation. I didn’t have to wait for delivering what I prepared. The prize of thank you notes I got after the delivery was a big bonus.

On April 22, I will be conducting a workshop on “The Art of Personal Branding” (organized by Compassites Software Solutions and HomeConnect) in Bangalore. Unlike the above two talks, a workshop requires even more preparation – including game design for participation, thinking about where exactly to give a break so that audience can breathe, structuring content in such a way that EVERY one benefits from the participation etc.

Since I have absolutely no time during the day, the preparation time has to be at night and if I think I am paying a price for preparation, it would make things hard. However, once I see that the prize is in the preparation, things change drastically for the better.

Note: If you are in Bangalore on April 22 and want to attend the event on personal branding, the details are here.