Love is where you are not.

It would bomb as a pick up line, but it’s a concept of love worth pondering. They are the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti, a renowned spiritual teacher who travelled the world in the twentieth century extolling the merits of self-inquiry.

At first the statement comes across like one of those if-a-tree-falls-in-the-woods Zen mindbenders, but spend a few moments with it and it may dissolve into a valuable insight.

Tug on the word ‘you’ and the statement begins to unravel. You, as in ego. Krishnamurti was saying that love can only exist when the ego is not around to muck things up.

Few of us would object to such a selfless concept of love. Similar observations by acknowledged subject matter experts like St. Paul and Kahlil Gibran lift our lips into hopeful smiles during wedding ceremonies. In those moments of stillness we contemplate the endlessness of human possibility, but only seconds later we are contemplating the endless flow of free beer at the reception. It’s as if such grand visions of love are too hot to hold, or perhaps too unattainable to sustain our attention.

And anyway, who are St. Paul or Kahlil Gibran to lecture anyone about love? The dudes weren’t even married.

For better or for worse, we view love as easily acquired treasure. This is because we define it as a feeling, rather than as the shared experience Krishnamurti hints at. We can’t wait to report the news of our surging feelings to friends after a third date with our latest admirer. And three dates later we want to throw open the window and broadcast our feelings to the world. Something inside us has been switched on, and it’s a marvelous feeling that’s hard to describe. Eventually we all find the same word for it – love.

But is a feeling that any randy seventh grader can experience really what the world needs more of? If this is love, it is not of the selfless variety. It is all about us, and hooray for that. But feelings come and go, even the rapturous ones, making this kind of love as easy to fall out of as it is to fall into. Is this ephemeral quality evidence of love’s sublime mystery? Or is love, the feeling, too flimsy a structure to stand on its own?

Divorced from feeling, love loses its conventional charm. When it’s not being rented out for wedding ceremonies, the concept of love as a shared state of being is considered the property of ascetics like Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Far from romantic, it is a state in which the ego loses its grip and one’s identity merges with those around them. It is love without a speck of self-gratification; in the absence of ego, there is no self seeking any reward.

Love exists, according to Krishnamurti, because we no longer do.

As inspiring as this selfless model of love might be, who needs it? The old model works just fine. That is, until it breaks down, which it does most of the time when you consider the hefty divorce rate and then guess at the number of burned out marriages. Add to this the legions of lovers meeting similar fates outside the borders of marriage and we have what might be termed an epidemic if it were a contagious disease. And yet somehow none of this dissuades us from hopping aboard the same rickety jalopy for another perilous ride.

A more abiding state of love awaits those disillusioned by one too many hapless joyrides. We need not shave our heads or abandon all earthly pleasures to enter this transcendent state, but we must discard the notion that love is a self-fulfilling venture. Love and ego cannot coexist. Like light and shadow, they cancel each other out. For love to appear, you must disappear. You must give yourself so completely that no trace of you remains. Love arises in the space created by your absence.

Love is where you are not.

To grow spiritually is to look inward.

Introspection goes beyond recalling the things that happened in a day, week, or month. You need to look closely and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations. Periodically examining your experiences, the decisions you make, the relationships you have, and the things you engage in provide useful insights on your life goals, on the good traits you must sustain and the bad traits you have to discard. Moreover, it gives you clues on how to act, react, and conduct yourself in the midst of any situation. Like any skill, introspection can be learned; all it takes is the courage and willingness to seek the truths that lie within you. Here are some pointers when you introspect: be objective, be forgiving of yourself, and focus on your areas for improvement.

To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials.

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual. Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing one’s full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next. Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.

To grow spiritually is to search for meaning.

Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christianism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that life’s meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist. We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm. Our lives have purpose. This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to—a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections.

Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus we call other people “brothers and sisters” even if there are no direct blood relations. Moreover, deity-centered religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science expounds on our link to other living things through the evolution theory. This relatedness is clearly seen in the concept of ecology, the interaction between living and non-living things. In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow. Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you.

Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

The problem is that even once specific things happen in our lives, were rarely satisfied with them! Instead, we shift our focus to something even bigger and better, believing “it” will make us happy (or happier). We never allow ourselves to reach a point of contentment. Have you done the same thing to yourself?

The good news is that you can decide to be happy NOW, even if not everything in your life is perfect. Below you’ll find 3 easy ways to do so:

1) Be grateful. Gratitude is one of the most powerful states of mind that you can adopt. Not only does it make you feel good, it shifts your focus from what you don’t have to what you DO have, and keeps it there! As you focus more on what you are grateful to have in your life (even the really small blessings!), you worry less about anything that may be lacking. The result? A more pervasive sense of happiness!

2) Take time to smell the roses. If you spend most of your days feeling rushed and scattered, it’s hard to feel happy and content. In order to be truly happy, you need to make time for yourself to relax, dream, and take pleasure in life’s simpler moments. Beginning today, make sure to spend time doing things you love on a regular basis. Read books that stimulate your imagination; listen to great music; take long walks, and generally make an effort to enjoy your life as it is right now.

3) Love the journey. Many of us make the mistake of pinning all of our expectations on some vague, far-off result, like the completion of goals. We believe that once we “get there” everything will be perfect and we’ll finally be happy. However, there is much to be gained from enjoying the journey TO your destination! Make it your mission to revel in every moment that you’re working toward higher goals. Enjoy the sense of self-mastery and accomplishment you gain with every goal you achieve. Make it a worthwhile journey and you’ll savor the end result that much more!

The most important thing to understand about happiness is that it is largely a CHOICE you make from moment to moment. Though certain serious situations make it difficult to feel happy at times, most often we allow the little things to bother us and block any happiness we would otherwise feel. Embrace happiness, and it will grow to monstrous proportions in your life!

Believe it or not, balancing your life does not require massive changes. You don’t have to quit your job, abandon your family and escape to a remote retreat in order to feel peaceful and happy. In fact, true balance is something that starts WITHIN YOU first and foremost – no matter what else is happening in your outer life circumstances.

Below you’ll find three simple ways to begin building a greater sense of inner peace and harmony:

1) Quiet time.

One of the first things we tend to sacrifice when we’re busy is our personal time. Instead we devote all of our energy and attention to caring for others, multi-tasking, meeting responsibilities and “being productive.” Over time this depletes our energy and we begin to feel more and more burdened by our responsibilities.

To live a more balanced life, quiet time to yourself is CRUCIAL. You may believe that you don’t have any time available for yourself, but something amazing happens when you consistently MAKE time; you find yourself feeling happier and more energetic, your focus improves – and you still get plenty done! Just a few minutes spent sitting quietly in meditation or reading a book can do wonders in transforming stress into peace and happiness.

2) Self-care.

Beyond making time for things you enjoy, there are other ways to nurture and love yourself on a daily basis. Getting a full 8 hours of sleep (or as much as you personally need) is a great start, as well as eating nutritious food, exercising daily and speaking kindly to yourself.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re really tired or stressed, even the smallest problem can seem like a nightmare? On the other hand, when you’re feeling well-rested and centered, you’re much better able to handle upsets. Caring for yourself is one sure way to consistently replenish your energy, inner peace and joy – which means you’ll have the strength to handle whatever comes your way.

3) Flexibility.

Did you know that one of the biggest causes of stress is rigid expectations? We all do it from time to time; get a mental picture of how our lives “should be” – and get really annoyed when our outer circumstances don’t cooperate! One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is a flexible state of mind. In other words, learn how to detach from unrealistic expectations and go with the flow.

When you have a flexible mind-set, you’re able to deal with crises and problems much more easily because you’re not working against a preconceived notion of how things “should be”. You’re able to tap into your creative problem-solving skills and move through challenges without all the drama and frustration. Be like the tree that bends with the breeze – and you’re much less likely to break!

These inner changes can make a dramatic difference in your state of well-being, but you may also want to examine your outer life circumstances and see if there are other small changes you can make to help support your inner work.

For example, you might choose to let go of certain obligations that are no longer meaningful or enjoyable to you. Just because you agreed to host weekly meetings for a support group three years ago doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it forever – especially if it’s become a drain on your time and energy!

Be willing to let go of activities that no longer complement the lifestyle you desire, and you’ll create a space for greater fulfillment, joy and peace.

Ask around and you will find different answers to the formula of success. The truth is, success leaves clues and you can achieve the success in the area you desire by observing the common qualities and principles. They are simple and considered to be common sense but most people simply do not follow them.

Let me share with you one of my favorite quotes:

“There are no secrets to success. It is the results of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure” -Colin Powell-

As stated in that quote, there are three key factors to achieve massive success in your life:

1.Preparation

You don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect. Start with the first step and keep moving. Success doesn’t happen over night. Prepare, prepare, and prepare. You must be ready to receive the success you desire. Set your sight to the destination that you want to achieve, then work and prepare for the moment when the opportunity knocks your door.

2.Hard Work

Success needs hard work. Don’t listen to these “get rich quick” schemes. You need to build your character and work hard on yourself and your business to achieve greatness. Work hard and work smart. Do the right things and do them in the right way. Don’t procrastinate. Take bold actions. Work long hours and craft your legacy.

3.Learning from failure

Successful people do not see failures as failures. They see them as important learning lessons. Lessons that are capable of giving them insights to prevent such mistakes from happening again. By adopting this mindset of turning each failure into a learning lesson or opportunity, you can never fail until you yourself quit.

Preparation, hard work and learning from your failures are the fundamentals to building your bright future.

If you want to live a happy life, then you MUST spend some time deciding what you want to do with your life, and then make the effort to live that life with passion.

It’s up to you!

No-one else is going to do it for you.

So, take some time out from your busy day-to-day routine, and consider the following questions.

1. What is my Life’s purpose?

2. If I had to take a best guess at my Life’s purpose, what would it be?

3. Who am I?

4. What is the most important thing in my life?

5. What do I love to do, more than anything else?

6. If I had only six months left to live, what would I like to achieve?

7. What would I like to leave the world, as my legacy?

8. What would I do with my life, if I knew I could not fail?

9. If money, or time, or current responsibilities were not an issue, what would I like to do with my life, more than anything else in the world?

10. What activities have I discovered that give me the most pleasure?

11. What do I still want to learn?

12. When I was a child, what did I dream of doing with my life?

13. What has been the greatest challenge that I have overcome so far in my life? Could I help other people to overcome that same challenge?

14. What challenge would I love to overcome, and then help others achieve the same?

15. Who are the people I most admire?

16. Why do I admire these people?

17. How would I define their Life’s purpose?

18. What qualities do these people possess that I’d also like to be known for?

19. What is the biggest dream I have ever had for my life?

20. What subjects did I enjoy most in school?

21. What sport have I most enjoyed?

22. What art or craft have I most enjoyed?

23. What social activity have I most enjoyed?

24. What hobbies have I pursued?

25. What hobbies do I wish I had pursued?

26. What would I like to do, if only other people didn’t think it was silly?

27. Where in the world would I most like to live?

28. Who would I like to live there with?

29. Where in the world would I like to work?

30. Who would I most like to work with?

31. What would my perfect day be like?

32. Is there a spiritual side to me, waiting to be unleashed?

33. What would I like to do, RIGHT NOW, which would bring me the most happiness or pleasure?

34. What special gift do I have that I could give to the world?

35. What makes me cry with joy, or brings tears to my eyes?

36. What would I like to do this weekend, just for fun?

37. If I could be granted the power to change the world, what would I do?

38. If I were given three wishes, what would they be?

39. What is something that scares me a bit, but would be really exciting if I did it?

40. What does my heart say I am to do with my life?

41. What qualities do I possess that I am really proud of?

42. What have I done in my life that I am really proud of?

43. If I had time available to contribute to a charity, or some cause, what would it be?

44. What am I usually doing when I suddenly realize that time has flown by, and all my focus has been on that one task?

45. What do I want to do on my next vacation?

46. Who in history would I most love to be, and why?

47. What do I most regret not doing, so far in my life?

48. At the end of my life, what would I most regret not having done?

49. What is my Life’s purpose?

50. If I had to take a best guess at my Life’s purpose, and just get started with something that excites me, what would it be?

Ponder these questions for a while. Pick out one that you can really relate to, and ask yourself the question over and over and over, until you have an answer.

The answers are within. If you ask, you will receive your answer.

You can live a life of purpose. You can live a life of passion and success! Ask, until you get your answer. And then take massive action. It’s worth it, I promise.

A negative attitude will not only make you miserable, but everyone around you too!

A positive attitude, on the other hand, turns you into a person that everyone wants to be with; a person that constantly experiences great things, and a person who loves their life! Do you want to be that kind of person? If so, read on for some easy ways to develop a positive attitude.

1) Do what you love. This applies to hobbies and fun activities, but it also pertains to one of the biggest parts of your life ñ your work! Do you enjoy your job? Are you spending most of your time on something that makes you feel purposeful and fulfilled? If not, consider exploring other career options and moving toward a job you’ll love. When you regularly do things that make you happy, you can’t help but feel better about yourself and your life, which fosters a positive attitude.

2) Expect the best, always. It’s easy to get into the habit of seeing doom and gloom in every situation, but doing so keeps you forever focused on the negative. Instead, make a conscious decision to expect the best, even if your first impulse is to think negatively. Affirm as often as you can, ìThis is going to work out great! Wonderful things are going to happen today!î The more you do it the more you’ll begin to believe it, and the more you’ll begin to experience just that.

3) Build yourself up. Think and speak positively to and about yourself every day. Most of us are in the habit of talking down to ourselves, which leaves us feeling hopeless, frustrated and pessimistic. Get into the habit of building yourself up with positive self-talk and positive thoughts. Affirm your good qualities and downplay your negative qualities. Affirm that you are a work in progress; not perfect but great nonetheless!

4) Build others up. As often as you can, make an effort to encourage, support and compliment the people you encounter each day. That goes for people you know as well as strangers you meet in your daily travels. The more you focus on emphasizing the positive in others the more likeable you’re going to be, and the better you’re going to feel about yourself too!

5) Think strength. The more you worry about your weaknesses and “failures” the more pessimistic and negative you’re going to feel. Instead, consistently affirm your strengths, talents and capabilities. You’ll end up feeling empowered and in control of your circumstances, which cannot help but improve your attitude!

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