Today we welcome Susan Cooper to the LFI porch to share her blogging story! Susan is a published author who has a vital blog over here!Treat yourself to a visit after you meet hear her story (and share yours) here!

The social aspect of blogging has been a surprise to me.  When I first ventured into the blogosphere, I was a babe in the woods.  I’ve grown to love blogging & the creativity it brings.  Being a dyslexic, I’ve so enjoyed how it’s stretched me.

Here’s what I’ve found.  There are givers & takers. You first learn that in order to be noticed, you must engage with other bloggers.  That engagement consists of reaching out for advice, commenting on blogs & guest posting.  What comes of that will surprise you.  I’ve made some amazing friends.  There’s a sense of wonder whenever I speak with an out-of-country blogger friend.

Social Media has that name for a reason.  The need to syndicate your blog posts requires work.  What you’re willing to do will come back in kind and takes on a life of its own.  Through the many different Social Media channels, I’ve learned to find what works and stick with it.

In all of this activity comes a realization that 60% of your time is spent publicizing your blog, 20% in creating images, and the remaining 20% in writing blog posts.  You realize that without that, you’ll be doing this blogging thing alone or no one will notice.

The other factor is the need to comment on other blogs. Early on that’s where most of your traffic will come from. By being a regular commenter, these bloggers grow to trust you; start reciprocating, and friendships blossom.

Then there’re the takers.  They ask for, even demand your attention but do little in return.  How do you know the difference?  It takes time to discern that. Once you know, you’ll know what to do.

At times you’ll find blogs that have mega comments which makes it impossible for reciprocation. Learn from them, enjoy their creation and maybe you’ll get noticed.

What have I learned?

• Blogging is social, requiring engagement with others. Yes, you’re alone at your computer, you’re just communicating differently.
• Beware of false prophets.  Not everyone is an expert.
• It’s hard work becoming a successful blogger.
• Not everyone will love what you have to say, that’s OK.
• Push past the doubts. Your efforts will pay off.
• Don’t obsess about the numbers.  It’s not about that; it’s about building relationships.
• You’ll make amazing new supportive friends who’ll cheer you on.
• Don’t to be fooled by the “anything goes content bloggers”.  Good content matters. Readers know the difference.
• Find ways to have fun.  Your readers will love it, and so will you.

Remember, it’s all about building relationships and enjoying the process.

What’s been your experience?  How do you see the social aspect of blogging? What have you learned from your experience?

See other posts in the Life of a Blogger series here! We would love to hear your blogging story! Email me and I’ll send you the Guidelines for submitting your contribution.

Recently I read The Weathy Barber Returns. Years ago I had read the original book and I wanted to see what he had to say all these years (and an economic crash) later. The first half of the book was all about saving money but it got really interesting around the middle of the book when he spoke about spending it.

According to Elizabeth Dunn, a social psychologist, he references, money can buy happiness if you spend it wisely. Chilton says that rather than spending money on material things we need to spend money on experiences which create excitement, memories, good feelings and camaraderie.

He explains it this way, “experiences don’t grow mundane; they don’t create habituation. In fact, it’s quite the opposite – they offer us a break from the same old, same old. They rescue us from routine and, therefore, excite us.”

It makes sense. We if I buy a new sports car this is exciting but the thrill of it wears off over time. It can be diminished, too, when my friend buys a nicer, and now newer, sports car.  But the trip I took to Greece with my daughter can’t be diminished by anyone else’s trip – with anyone – anywhere! Additionally, I can relive the memories and enjoy the trip over and over again. Experience is forever. You, the people on this porch already know this!

So what about things which create experiences? If your favourite experience is golf, for instance, you need to buy the equipment to enjoy. Isn’t the experience more fun with nicer equipment?

Does that mean the best purchase may be a souvenir of a wonderful experience?

What purchase(s) have you made that have made your the happiest? How do you spend your money?

photo credit: Murilo Cardoso

“Summer afternoon—summer afternoon;
to me those have always been
the two most beautiful words
in the English language.”
~ Henry James

If I had to choose one summer activity it would be this; sitting on the shore of the Bras D’Or Lakes in Cape Breton gazing into the waters, breathing in that invigorating salt air and contemplating life.

But one activity isn’t enough! When we were in High School, my best friend and I would make a list of things we wanted to do in the summer.  That was fun because it created anticipation, allowing us to enjoy these activities much longer! So I decided to revive this practice for the summer of 2013. Here’s my list:

1. Get an ice-cream cone and eat it while walking along the waterfront park across the street from the house where we raised our children and lived for twenty years.
2. Gather flowers from the yard to adorn our table, beginning with wild plumb and mayflower blossoms and continuing with lilac and Lily of the Valley and whatever else I can find until the last honeysuckle blossom has fallen.
3. Enjoy a frosty glass of iced coffee on the back patio with a great book to get lost in.
4. Spend time meditating on the swing and gazing at the little waterfalls in the brook that runs past it.
5. Have friends and family over to cook and eat outdoors.
6. Shop downtown on a lazy day and stop for lunch at an outdoor cafe.
7. Take in one yard sale/treasure hunt – or maybe two!

What are your favourite summer activities?

photo credit: Lori –  beautiful Bras D’Or Lakes

Barbara is hosting the conversation on the LFI porch today, starting what is bound to be an interesting discussion about something most of us have pondered. Barbara blogs over here! Take it away Barbara!

I always thought I had to be perfect, well, as a child I did not know the word perfect but always felt like I was missing out on that tiny bit to gain my surrounding’s praise; like I did not live up to any expectations.

I tried to be perfect in everything, look good and be perfectly groomed, be perfect in everything I was doing, first in school and then in my professional life, be well liked and an integral part of any group, present a smooth and polished surface with never a crack in it, like a polished stone egg.

Reality was another thing and not quite what I had envisaged: I had quite a sharp tongue even in young years and an uncanny talent for saying the most inappropriate things, I was not too fond of my teachers and thus not too inclined to study very hard. And I had a face that gave (and still does) everything away.

According to Wiki the oldest definition of “perfection”, fairly precise and distinguishing the shades of the concept, goes back to Aristotle. He distinguishes three meanings of the term, or rather three shades of one meaning, but in any case three different concepts. That is perfect:

1. which is complete — which contains all the requisite parts;
2. which is so good that nothing of the kind could be better;
3. which has attained its purpose.

Too bad I did not know this definition at an early age! If perfection means that you have reached a state of completeness, you cannot do it any better or it has fulfilled its purpose, then what will follow?

An object with a polished surface, no cracks or uneven lines does not induce anything else to stick to it, it will shine and reflect but your own image when looking at it.

Does not the same apply to people and relationships? I quite like the analogy, with whom would you rather spend time: a person who is “perfect” inside out, always perfectly dressed and groomed, a brilliant conversationalist, always right and never makes any mistakes or a person who allows a bad hair day, makes mistakes and openly says what she/he thinks?

Honestly, the former make quite boring company and make me feel uncomfortable. I’d rather spend my time with the latter, sharing funny stories about situations that went completely wrong and laughing it off together.

Have you ever known this feeling of wanting to be perfect? How do you feel in the presence of “perfect” people?

photo credit: Barbara, of course!

Today we welcome Patricia Weber to the Life of a Blogger series! She says she is an introvert-cum-blogger, an interesting conversion as blogging has helped her to connect with many people in a wonderful way. Patricia’s blog is here! Take it away Patricia!

Levels of connections. Meeting people fits for me even though I’m more of an introvert because one of my highest values is creating something new. That includes new friendships. When I blog I meet others who could be bloggers, people who are introverts or someone who found my most recent blog topic interesting.

One of my recent experiences came from a request I emailed to some other introvert bloggers I am connected with. Now one of these 12 or so LinkedIn connections and bloggers too, are exchanging guests blog posts. Most people become some kind of a connector for me. Fewer of them are people I move the conversation further along.

Connections can open a level of creation. Some people I meet through my blogging, live in my own local community, but more are across the world. Local coffee shops work to meet with people I want to connect further who live locally. If I’m not certain of any mutual interest or benefit, then I might Skype or Google Hangout before making that in-person commitment.

A couple of years ago, through my blogging, I met a local retired enlisted officer. We emailed, telephone talked, met in person and then, he invited me to be a panellist for a topic he was presenting at one of our local colleges. Blogging for me is more than writing. It’s almost a networking venue.

Connecting can lead to a collaboration or joint venture for – doing what I love again – creating something new. Getting to this level takes a bit more time and getting to know someone. It is more of a co-creating.

Through LinkedIn, because of my blog, I am in a couple of groups for bloggers. There I met a woman and we began to telephone talk. When I learned where she is from, we hit it off – I’m from the same state! Eventually after guest blogging for each other, we created an eBook and put it on Kindle.

So sometimes I monetize efforts, other times it can be a dismal failure. Regardless, I these kind of connections, are longer lasting.

I’m grateful for each of these unique experiences and more, as kaleidoscopic as they may appear. Like a kaleidoscope, with all shapes, sizes, colors and forms, my connections from my blogging are all unique.

How does your blog help you make connections? What’s been one of your most interesting connections? Do you have more good experiences in connecting than not so good?

See other posts in the Life of a Blogger series here! We would love to hear your blogging story! Email me and I’ll send you the Guidelines for submitting your contribution.

I am excited to introduce my brother to you! Allan Abbass is a Family-Physician-cum-Psychiatrist who specializes in, researches, and teaches worldwide about a psychotherapeutic treatment model called Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy.

If you have ever wondered if there is anything to the idea that the mind and emotions have an impact on our health, you will want to watch this concise and informative interview!

I’ve long believed in the connection between the mind, body and emotions.  I observe it in my Reiki practice, I experience it in my own life, I wrote about it in my book.

It’s interesting how life goes, isn’t it? As I was formulating my beliefs via my travels on the alternative, “New Age” route, my brother was collecting data to forge a path on the traditional one and validating through science what I had come to believe.

What exciting times we live in! Do you believe the mind, body and emotions are connected? How have you experienced this in your life or in your work?

This is the sixth post in the Dear LFI series where we converge here on the porch to answer specific, personal, life-issue questions posed by anonymous contributors. Will you offer your thoughts on this issue?

I recently ended yet another relationship. This time it was just short of a year instead of three. I guess I am realizing things quicker, but my goal is to reduce this to like right away.

Although I had been emotionally manipulated and yelled at and had my things thrown at me I still had a very hard time leaving this person.

No matter how much of my time and attention I gave him it was never enough. Towards the end he was calling me for every little problem and decision throughout his day and talking about how much bad luck he had. I would try to help in any way that I could as his doctor, therapist, mom and cheerleader. It was exhausting. If I didn’t answer him immediately he would be accusatory about how I was spending my time. If I was not in communication in a regular way he would accuse me of cheating on him. Or he would get mad at me if I wanted to take some time to myself. He would twist my words around and accuse me of not caring about him and not wanting to help him.

I was constantly walking on eggshells wondering when the next attack or argument would begin and where I would end up defending myself. Sometimes he would twist things around so much that I would start to doubt myself and half the times not even remember what we were fighting about in the first place.

He didn’t look after my needs and I didn’t even have time to take care of my own. The sad thing is that if he had been nice to me I probably would have kept catering to him and putting myself second

I am trying to understand why I put up with so much, what is it that I so desperately need from this person. Why am I am willing to go this far? A few answers have arisen, the need for love, the need to avoid conflict and the one that seems a likely possibility… I am scared of not finding anyone that needs me enough not to leave me. So therein lies the question, why am I so afraid of being alone?

Sincerely,
Frustrated

photo credit: gfpeck

See other posts in the Dear LFI series here. Do you have a question for Dear LFI? Submit your question here!

We know that bad things do happen to good people.  So let’s imagine for a moment that we could each remove one “bad thing” from the table of Life. What one Life rule would you make?

Would it be that no children should be hungry or abused or cold or neglected? Would you choose a clean environment – no pollution allowed – of any kind?

Imagine! We could eliminate corporate downsizing, unwanted transfers and economic crashes; financial stress! We could ban bombs, guns and other weapons. We could stop wars!

What rule would apply on a personal level? No one should be lost, no one would be lonely, or afraid. No one should have low self-esteem – let’s rule that one out. Every child would be a wanted child, loved by his or her family.

How about mandating kindness, love, sharing, understanding, listening, caring? Enlightened leaders in government, intuitive teachers in our schools, loving, happy people in all walks of life.

There are so many potential life rules, all of them valid but if I had to choose one I’d add one not yet mentioned. No parent should ever lose a child. I’d like to have that rule.

Will you play? What one life rule would you make?

photo Credit: Mike Baird

Pssst! How do you organize your blog reading? I’m trying out something new:Bloglovin!

Today we welcome Janet Louise Stephenson, a blogger I’m just getting to know, to share her blogging story. Janet writes about personal transformation here. Take it away Janet!

After a lifetime of people-pleasing, I made a commitment to myself several years ago to embark on a journey to fully embrace who I am and make every effort, in every situation, to present an authentic version of myself.

And for me, presenting authenticity is a commitment that requires dedication! Occasionally, I feel inspired to write on a topic that pushes me out of my comfort zone of likeability. The recovering people pleaser in me still pauses for just a moment to get centered, re-committing to presenting the most authentic version of myself in that moment, and moving forward.

Blogging from this perspective has been both easier and more difficult than you might expect. On one hand, it’s easier to transition through your personal growth without being under the microscope of your long-time friends and family who expect you to play a certain role for them. Sharing myself with virtual strangers has, at times, felt much more comfortable than with my own circle. That being said, once people start to read the words that you write, it’s also humbling to be so exposed to such a wide audience!

To blog from an authentic perspective required that I get clear on what that really means. It’s rather popular in mainstream culture to drop a truth bomb full of sarcasm and then defend the statement by saying, “I’m just being real.”

While it’s perfectly acceptable to acknowledge and express emotion from an initial reaction, I find that this is rarely an authentic response. Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity. It’s much easier to spout off on any topic under the guise of ‘keeping it real’ than it is to dig a little bit deeper to access perspective from your inner wisdom.

I take my blogging inspiration from the happenings in my daily life. I catch myself framing daily interactions and events into blog posts, similar to how I imagine a photographer might view the world as a series of snapshots. For example, if I run out of gas for the third time in less than a month, and I’m waiting for assistance, I might jot down the outline for a post focused on the importance of putting fuel into our personal and emotional tanks: Check Your Fuel Gauge – Are You Running on Empty?

Have you made a commitment to present an authentic version of yourself in every situation? Have you ever caught yourself justifying a response by claiming to be ‘keeping it real’? Is it easier for you to step into authenticity with your long-time friends & family or in the virtual realm?

See other posts in the Life of a Blogger series here! We would love to hear your blogging story! Email me and I’ll send you the Guidelines for submitting your contribution.

I love the definition of advice in a song by Baz Luhrmann:

“Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it for more than it’s worth.”

Does that give you pause? I’m asking myself the question I just put to you, do I give too much unsolicited advice? I’m afraid I do.

I’m sure you won’t judge me for it. Sometimes we have to give advice because:

1. we hate to see someone suffer
2. we could show her a shortcut
3. this could make his life so much better
4. what’s the point of knowing if you can’t share?

Is there merit in giving advice? Are you morally responsible to do it, rather than not do it or are you obligated to keep your opinions to yourself?

Many who gather here on the porch are personal development bloggers and business of life coaches. Yep – you give advice but it’s asked and paid for so that doesn’t count, does it? Nor does it count when you respond to the questions on the Dear LFI posts.

I swear; when I hear a parent say that his or her child is shy- in front of the child – I’m compelled immediately to regale them with the story of how we told our daughter Natasha when she was small that people mistakenly believed her name was “Shy” and she should correct them by saying, “No, I’m not Shy – I’m Natasha!”  Please don’t tell a child that he or she is shy! May I be excused for dispensing this advice?

Do you give too much advice, unsolicited advice, no any advice at all?

I’m going to go back to two posts a week for a while. I’ve been very busy with my TCP site redesign and I don’t have as much time as I had before. So we’re back to Mondays and Thursdays as of next week. But stay tuned for another Life of a Blogger post this Friday!

photo credit: Lara604