It’s a crazy world out there.

Weird weather, uncertain employment, foreclosures, freak accidents.

It’s as if we’re all leaning forward, tensed in advance of whatever might hit us next, in a collective anxious anticipation.

I don’t know about you, but I find it utterly exhausting.  Like living under seige.

Right now there’s a lot of urgency and drama in the world – unemployment is stubbornly up: “I could lose my job”. Foreclosures surge: “I could lose my house.” Stock market is off: “My retirement savings are half what they used to be.” Employers pass surging health care costs to employees: “I am one major illness away from disaster.”

We’re so in the moment with all the bad news that we cannot even begin to think about anything else. We dwell, we ruminate, we get stuck in all the negative. It feels crappy.

But there’s a cure, an antidote. A way to start feeling better, regardless of the uncertainty.

Here’s what you do: have a vision. An idea of the big picture. A sense of how you’re contributing to some greater purpose and mission.

Now, I’ve written about this before – What’s The Point? – and suggested that it’s important to never confuse urgency and drama with meaning and purpose. We’ve got too much of the former right now, when what we really need is more of the latter.

Recently, the Washington Post had an interesting item on leadership. Written by Sally Blount, Dean of the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, it talks about how to create worker satisfaction. Blount says: “…people in organizations are hungry for meaning, for understanding of how what they do each day contributes to a greater purpose, a greater mission.”

Excellent point. And equally applicable to individuals. Meaning: you.

Examine how what you do every day contributes to a greater purpose, a greater mission. By doing what you do each day, are you supporting your spouse, your children, your parents, an ill sibling? In the course of your day, whose lives are you making better? How does what you do make a difference?

And if it doesn’t… or if you feel like it doesn’t…

Start making a contribution.

Volunteer somewhere that matters. That’s a great thing. But you may not feel like you have the time. OK, then. Be a courteous driver. Open doors for people. Be nice to the kid riding his bike in your driveway. Mow your lawn. Make repairs where you live. Take charge of stuff rather than letting stuff take charge of you.

Dare to care about something.

Sally Blount suggests that organizations “provide a sense of purpose, a narrative for what that organization stands for and how it contributes to making the world a better place.”

Look at your own big picture, then. And craft your own narrative about who you are and what you stand for.

And hold fast to that amidst all of the hullabaloo and uncertainty.

Related posts:

1. What’s The Point?
2. Let’s Re-Cap
3. Supply & Demand

It’s going to be a happy, action-packed fall for yours truly.  Thought I’d give you a sense of what’s on my dance card, and extend an open invitation – join in on anything that appeals to you.  You’re absolutely welcome and I’d love to see you.

September starts off with a bang – my book tour for I Am Not Superwoman: Further Essays On Happier Living. In each city, I’ll be leading a 5 hour workshop using tools and ideas in the book to help all of us would-be Superwomen relax, take a deep breath and craft work and life that matters.  The calendar looks like this:

September 15th – Washington, DC (Chevy Chase) 9:30am – 2:30pm (hosted by Karen Anillo)

September 22nd – Richmond, VA  9:30am – 2:30pm (hosted by Beth Hanna)

September 24th – Atlanta, GA  9:30am – 2:30pm Druid Hills Golf Club (hosted by Laurie Foley)

September 25th – Knoxville, TN  9:30am – 2:30pm (hosted by Jennifer Voss)

October 1st – Chicago, IL  9:30am – 2:30pm (hosted by Dana Frost and Mary Beth Sammons)

October 8th – Annapolis, MD  9:30-2:30pm (sponsored by St. Anne’s School Parent’s Association)

Each workshop offers an autographed copy of my book, five hours of great tools, exercises and learning plus a supportive, interesting group of women to meet and work with.  You’ll get a delicious lunch, too!  $179 for the day in each location.

Additional dates are being planned in Southern California, Houston and New York City.  If you’d like to help, or come, or have other suggestions, please drop me a note.

If you are anywhere close to these cities, I would love to see you.  Come by, will you?  And stay tuned for sign-up information – coming soon!

•

I also have a wonderful group forming – designed especially for women asking “What’s Next?” I’ve run this program several times before and it’s always a great success for those participating. In a three month process, you’ll work in a small group with other like-minded people – who are all working on discovering What’s Next?

We’ll work on getting clear on your strengths, values, priorities and passions, then take steps to determine how and where you can get more of what you want in your life.

Starting Tuesday, September 14th, we’ll meet every other week at 7pm (EST) in an intensive 90 minute phone conference, where you’ll get great coaching and support from me and from the group.  Dates:  September 14, 28, October 12, 26, November 9, 23. You’ll get: A comprehensive Myers-Briggs Type Indicator™ with a thorough analysis of what it means for you; other assessments, worksheets and tools to uncover the best of you; homework and assignments; email support between sessions; and, the great feeling that comes from working in a group with other like-minded people.

•

If you’re a coach, or becoming a coach, I’m launching a cool class series with Master Coach Alexis Robin – you’ll learn everything you need to know about creating events, from people who know how to do them.  The largest event I’ve ever planned involved about 250,000 people on the Washington Mall.  Alexis has a rich experience in hotels.  Together, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about using events to grow your business.

•

And also for coaches, my pal Master Coach Pam Slim and I are offering a Marketing Strategy Intensive October 15 – 16, at the Roger Williams Hotel in NYC.  Working with a high-powered, small group, you won’t just learn how to market your business – no, you’ll walk away with a specific, executable strategic plan.  Don’t miss this one – we have a special guest star coming, too:  Crystal Williams of BigBrightBulb.com will do her magic to make your plan that much better!  More details coming shortly.

Yes, it’s a lot of stuff, but I look forward with enthusiasm – what great people I will see!  What great work we’ll do!  What fun we’ll have.

Join us, won’t you?

Related posts:

1. Let’s Re-Cap
2. Finally Un-Stuck
3. What’s Not Working?

I have always held that the most challenging times of our lives come when we face redefining ourselves.

Like when we go from being a high schooler to being a college student.

From being a college student to being employed.

Or employed by someone else to employed by ourselves.

Or from being single to being married. Or being married to being divorced.  Or widowed.

From being a kid’s mom or dad, to being an adult’s mom or dad.

From being healthy to being sick. From being sick to being healthy again.

These are the moments that vex us, because we’re required to think about who we are and who we want to be.

And it always comes just at the moment where we’ve gotten so damn comfortable with who we were.

I know you know what I’m talking about.

Often, where people get stuck is in letting go of the old, comfortable definition and making room for the new way of thinking about themselves.

It’s kinda like a special sort of roller coaster – the kind where you only ride once.  Ever gotten off a roller coaster and said, “Well, that was fun,” never intending to ride it again?  That’s like life.

You can’t go back and ride high school again.

Or college.

Or your 20s. 30s. 40s. 50s. 100s.

You get one ride. And it has plenty of twists and turns. And before you know it, you’re not where you started.

You’re somewhere new.

Allow yourself to grow, and change, and redefine.  Welcome change in all its magnificent uncertainty.

If you let it, it’ll be one hell of a ride.

Related posts:

1. Centered Enthusiasm
2. What Makes A Priority?
3. Saying Goodbye

Exactly ten years ago – August, 2000 – I took my then 7 year old son Munroe on a mother-son trip to New York City.  It was so fun, and something we’d planned and anticipated for months. We took the train from Washington, DC to Penn Station.  We stayed in a swanky apartment near the Empire State Building.  He put on a blue blazer and a necktie and we went to one and a half Broadway shows (the second show had “way too much dancing” so we sneaked out at intermission). We rode the subway and ate numerous hotdogs loaded with ketchup at Nathan’s.

One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to our friend David Bloom on the Today Show set.  Munroe had asked, “When we’re in New York, can we see Mr. Bloom?”  See, David and his wife Melanie had twin daughters who were a year ahead of my son in school.  We’d gotten friendly, and when David got the Today Show job and they moved to New York, we stayed in touch.  I called David and asked if we could come see him – “Sure!” was his response, and he told me where to go and what to do.

2000 was such a different world from 2010.  When we got to Rockefeller Plaza that Sunday, Munroe and I simply walked in a side door – no security – and almost right on to the set.  A fellow in a headset asked if he could help, we said, “We’re friends of David’s” and were escorted right into the studio.  When Munroe caught David’s eye, the affable anchor shot him a wave and at the next commercial break, we were shown around the place.

David was a goof in the best possible sense of the word.  He treated Munroe like he was a guest on the show and made him giggle with a bit of silliness.  David smiled every time Munroe called him “Mr. Bloom” – I got the sense that David was never “Mr. Bloom” within earshot of the cameramen and electricians in the crew.  He delighted in having us there.

It was an absolute treat.

Thinking back on that trip makes me realize how much has changed in the past 10 years.

David Bloom died covering the war in Iraq in 2003.

Melanie Bloom has created powerful public awareness about the dangers of deep vein thrombosis – and happily remarried a lovely man who had also been widowed.

I got divorced, became a coach and wrote two books.

And the 7 year old boy who smiled on the Today Show set is now driving, shaving, and thinking about college.

Had you asked me in August, 2000, “What will your life be like in August, 2010?” I would have never envisioned this life I have now.

This life I love now.

So, I know this:  You cannot predict what the future may hold.

You cannot hold back change.

You don’t know if death or catastrophe will come to you – and you can’t live your life fearful of that possibility.

All you can do – all you need to do – is get the most out of who you are, where you are.

Take your kid on a trip. Call up a friend. Enjoy your life.  Giggle.

Because who knows what the world will look like in 2020.

Related posts:

1. Reeling In The Years
2. Let’s Re-Cap
3. More Than Anything

Sometimes when I’m teaching a class, I blurt. Someone asks a question and I blurt out something that then becomes SOMETHING. And people remember it. And because I didn’t write it down (I blurted, remember?) and because it’s so central to my way of being (doesn’t everyone know this?), I am often surprised that whatever I said has had any kind of impact.

[Now it appears I am rambling rather than blurting.]

In some class or other one day or another a year or so ago, a student asked about “getting outside your comfort zone.” And my response apparently helped so many people who subsequently talked about it, that my friend Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing suggested I write it up.

So here goes.

I would say that  “Get out of your comfort zone!” is a phrase we’ve heard one or two… thousand times.

Especially from people who are anxious to do something risky and would like company. Or from folks who are conflicted about what they desire and want to normalize it by having someone do it with them.  Or from self-proclaimed gurus selling their snake oil.  Or from middle-aged men pressuring their naive twenty-something girlfriends.  I’m just saying.

“Get out of your comfort zone” reminds me of the middle-school taunt: “You’re no fun! Stop being such a prude!”  It’s a shaming, join-the-herd, peer pressure-y catchphrase.

And I dislike it intensely.

Friends, we have a comfort zone for a reason. And it’s good to know the what and why of yours, so you can take care of it – and you.

Sometimes the reason we have a comfort zone is integrity – our comfort zone is like an integrity bubble, and popping out of it may mean violating our own moral code.

Sometimes the reason we have a comfort zone is safety – actual physical safety. If you have a fractured foot, refraining from dancing for a month or so may be “no fun”, but it’s wise. And it’s safe. And it’s within your comfort zone.

Comfort zones can reflect your expertise. Fluency in Spanish, or C++, or the Part 36 rewrite – all may reflect the deep strengths in which you flourish.

Comfort zones protect and orient us, and that can be a good thing. But comfort zones can also become restrictive, if used as a excuse to justify inaction. You want to be safe, I know, but not so safe that you never learn, or grow, or change, right?

The idea of jumping clear of our comfort zone, as we are often urged to do, feels risky.  It feels big.  It feels icky.  And so we don’t do it.  And we beat ourselves up for not doing it.  And we feel bad as a result.

And I am all for feeling good.

So to stop the endless cycle, just quit thinking “get out of my comfort zone” and start thinking “enlarge my comfort zone.”

That’s all you want to do.

Stretch it a little.

Grow it a bit.

Make your comfort zone just a teensy bit roomier.

When you make a consistent daily commitment to simply enlarging your comfort zone, you create consistent progress toward growing and learning.  Each and every day, you make needed, small adjustments and make yourself some extra room.

Enough room, in fact, to be completely and fully yourself.

Which is, in fact, precisely what having a comfort zone is all about.

Related posts:

1. Risky Business
2. Cleaning a Closet
3. What’s Not Working?