Life in Reviews

Sage Browned Butter

2012-02-20T00:01:00.000-06:00

What: Sage Browned Butter
Rating: 8
Non-Quantifiable Rating: When the first ingredient is butter, it has to be good.

Ooooh, I love me some sage browned butter.

You might have had it before and not even known it -- have you ever ordered a butternut squash ravioli with a translucent rich, aromatic sauce? It might have been my dear friend sage browned butter.

There are a few options here:

1) You can make it as a melted "oil," great as a sauce on its own, or for bread (as a drizzle or a dipper).

2) You can chill/refrigerate it to turn it into more traditional "butter" texture.

3) You can toss it with 1/4 cup of grated parmesan and the juice of 1/2 a lemon, and this recipe becomes a beautiful pasta sauce.

Sage Browned Butter
Ingredients
- 4 tablespoons of butter
- 8 fresh sage leaves
- Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

- (optional: juice of 1/2 lemon)
- (optional: 1/4 c. freshly grated parmesan)

Directions
1) In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat.
2) Add sage leaves.
3) Watching the butter carefully, cook it until it becomes foamy, stirring/shaking occasionally to keep the butter from burning.
4) Keep cooking and shaking/stirring until the foam dies down and it starts to brown a bit around the edges. Give it another 30 seconds or so and then remove from heat.
5) Add the cracked black pepper.

- If you want it to be an oil, you can serve immediately.
- If you want it to be a butter, chill at room temperature or in the fridge.
- If you want it to be a pasta sauce, add lemon juice and a bit of pasta cooking water and return to heat until warm. Add parmesan cheese, toss with pasta, and serve immediately.

The Descendants

2012-02-17T00:04:00.000-06:00

What: The Descendants (2011)
Rating: 5
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Kind of like a drunk sloth: sluggish, lethargic, and not entirely sure where it's going -- but somewhat endearing in spite of it all.

George Clooney's back must hurt from carrying this entire film. I'm fairly certain that he was in every single scene of The Descendants, and he did a bang-up job. The Oscar might as well already be in his well-manicured hand.

OK, that isn't wholly fair. Shailene Woodley, who plays Clooney's daughter, also gave a solid performance.

But they were given a script that tried to be a whole pile of things (dramatic, funny, heartwrenching, reflective, scandalous, scenic, contemplative, provocative) and ended up being only sort of all of those things.

Perhaps I'm missing something, because the way critics talk about The Descendants, it's the best thing since Casablanca. The film had its moments, but I left feeling...tired.

Awe and Blah: Pampered Chef Smooth-Edge Can Opener and WineSpectator.com

2012-02-15T00:08:00.001-06:00

Awe

What: Pampered Chef Smooth-Edge Can Opener

Why: Last fall, I ranted about my experience with an epic string of can opener failures. I was ready to start gnawing cans apart with my teeth.

A few of my darling readers pointed me toward the Pampered Chef Smooth-Edge Can Opener. I trusted them, and they were oh so wise.

Caveat: I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took me to figure this thing out. It is roughly as intuitive as the Welsh language.

You plop the Pampered Chef Smooth-Edge Can Opener on top of the can, and invisible trolls jump out and magically cling to the can.

OK, maybe it's a magnet. I'm not sure.

Either way, the can top comes off flawlessly and leaves no sharp edges behind.

Longevity is yet to be determined, but so far, so magical.

Blah

What: WineSpectator.com

Why: We got a good deal on a subscription to winespectator.com. We figured if we were going to put the time and effort into going to Sonoma and tasting different wines, it made sense to be able to research bottles from our collection (and potential purchases) and find out when they were most "drinkable" and how to pair them with food and all that snobby jazz.

So far, not so impressed. It's pretty much the exact result that we got from Consumer Reports: it's fun for perusing articles, but it's terrible for researching specific items.

In fact, I don't know if I've found an exact match on a single bottle I've searched.

Am I supposed to drink this bottle today or in ten years? Should I pair it with gruyère or Cheetos? Come on, Wine Spectator! What am I paying you for?!

Maybe it's an unfortunate coincidence so far.

Maybe our tastes run dramatically ~~cheaper~~ different than WineSpectator.com's catalog.

Either way, it's a bust.

A few foods for Valentine's Day

2012-02-13T00:02:00.001-06:00

I loathe Valentine's Day for all its commercial absurdity, but the holiday has produced a pretty cool tradition for us: we have an all-out fondue night to celebrate.

We usually do a cheese fondue followed by a chocolate fondue. And then we sit around in a ridiculous food coma.

The chocolate fondue recipe is pretty straightforward (mix your favorite type of chocolate chips or broken up baking chocolate with cream or milk, a few drops of vanilla extract and -- if you want -- a bit of brandy or chocolate liqueur).

I thought I'd re-post my a link to my cheese fondue recipe for you as well as a beer bread recipe you can use as a dipper.

Cheese Fondue

Homemade Beer Bread

And in case you want to mix it up on the dessert end, here's a link to the Individual Chocolate Lava Cakes recipe I posted last year for Valentine's Day:

Individual Chocolate Lava Cakes

New York Yankees Perfume

2012-02-10T00:02:00.000-06:00

image via yankees.com

What: The New York Yankees releasing two fragrances this month

Rating: 1

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Smells fishy.

Wheeeeee! Snarky bloggers like myself LIVE for this kind of ridiculous news: on February 21st, the New York Yankees baseball team will release two fragrances:

1) New York Yankees

2) New York Yankees For Her (a.k.a. "Derek Jeter")

It's just way too easy to make fun of this.

Since the fragrances haven't yet been released, we can only surmise at the scents and ingredients:

One million dollar bills mixed with the tears of Mets fans?

Chewing tobacco with notes of dugout?

Eau de locker room?

Nachos, peanuts and beer?

Greed and spitballs?

Ohhh, the possibilities...

Awe and Blah: Fun With Grammar and Gisele Bundchen is a Sore Loser

2012-02-08T00:04:00.026-06:00

Awe

What: See above.

Why: Baahahaha! *Snort* Squeeeeheehee!

I'm in grammar nerd heaven. This is even more fun than "Let's eat Grandma!"

Blah

via seattletimes.nwsource.com; credit: Rob Carr/Getty Images

What: Gisele Bundchen is a sore loser

Why: Tom Brady's wife, a.k.a. the highest paid supermodel in the world, once claimed that natural childbirth "didn't hurt at all."

What apparently did hurt? Watching her spouse lose the Superbowl.

Bundchen was taped in a post-game rant where she blamed her hubby's teammates for the loss.

She said:

1) "[Brady] played the best game of his life."

2) "I can't believe [Patriots receivers] dropped the ball so many times."

3) "My husband cannot [expletive deleted] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time."

4) "I am super annoying."

OK, I added that last one.

I get that she's disappointed. But really? Brady went 27 for 41, which is not exactly a rock star performance. And sure, the Pats receivers had butterfingers, but can't the girl muster a shred of diplomacy?

Now poor Wes Welker has to nurse his ego AND pull himself out from the bus Gisele just threw him under.

What if Tom Brady went to watch Gisele in a Victoria's Secret fashion show and publicly declared that the other models were all frumpy little wombats?

I rest my case.

Superbowl Ads Fumble

2012-02-06T00:02:00.001-06:00

What: 2012 Superbowl Ads
Rating: 2
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Like watching ... commercials ...

I love football, but Giants vs. Patriots? Seriously?

The only way I could have been less enthusiastic about this match-up is if it had been two teams both comprised entirely of Ben Roethlisberger.

"At least there'll be good ads," I thought.

I thought wrong. This year's ads were a major letdown.

Where was the tear-inducing Google ad? The laugh-out-loud anything ad?

Lamesauce.

Even though I'm giving the overall day-of-ads a two out of ten, I figured I might as well share a few (relatively) bright spots from the dim crop:

1) Budweiser "Eternal Optimism" -- Proof that you don't need chicks in bikinis or people face kicking each other to make a decent Superbowl ad. (And yes, it's possible that you may have to watch an ad before the ad.)

2) Honda "Ferris Bueller" -- Only cool if you've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Probably. Pretty stinking awesome if you've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Of course.

See more Super Bowl 2012 videos

3) Acura "Transactions" -- Again, requires some background knowledge (to get the "Soup Nazi" reference, and to understand Jay Leno's famous affinity for cars) but it gets points for the super awesome Manhattan zipline. (I want it to be real, and I want to try it!) I'd take the car, too.

See more Super Bowl 2012 videos

Quinoa Bites

2012-02-03T00:03:00.000-06:00

What: Quinoa Bites
Rating: 9
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Shhhh! Don't tell anyone it's quinoa!

I know, I know. Quinoa bites. It sounds about as appealing as gnawing on a fencepost.

Stop judging, start eating. They're delicious, I promise. My meat-and-potatoes husband says that they taste like the the breading on chicken wings.

Quinoa bites taste scrumptiously unhealthy, but they're not -- they're actually packed full of protein and vegetables. I served them alongside curried carrot bisque and they were a huge hit (and by "huge hit," I mean we scarfed down all 24 of them).

Quinoa Bites
adapted from soveryblessed.com
Makes 24 using a mini-muffin tin

Ingredients
- 1/2 c. uncooked quinoa
- 2 large eggs
- 1 c. shredded carrot
- 2 stalks green onion, chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/4 c. chopped fresh cilantro
- 1/4 c. grated parmesan cheese (up to 1/2 c. if you're a cheese-head and not as worried about calories)
- 2 Tbls. flour (it's just a binding agent -- whole wheat is fine)
- 1/2 tsp. seasoning salt
- 1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

Directions
1) Cook the quinoa using a ratio of two parts water to one part quinoa. Use a rice cooker (see Monday's post!) or cook on the stove, stirring occasionally until the water is absorbed.
2) Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
3) In a large bowl, mix together the cooked quinoa and all the other ingredients.
4) Distribute the mixture into a greased mini-muffin tin. Since it'll make 24 bites and most mini-muffin tins hold 12, don't forget that you only need half the mixture for one muffin tin.
5) Bake for approximately 20 minutes or until the tops are looking a bit golden brown.

Dip the bites in greek yogurt (my favorite), honey dijon, buttermilk ranch, BBQ sauce, or enjoy on their own!

Awe and Blah: 118-Year-Old Cookbook Edition

2012-02-01T00:39:00.003-06:00

This is a long post, but it's worth a bit of time. If your boss complains about you spending time on my blog, tell him or her I that said, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

So by now you all know about my cookbook project. (Have you sent me your recipes yet?)

Paul's boss, fine fellow that he is, was kind enough to loan me a handmade cookbook that he and his wife found at a garage sale.

It's not really a cookbook so much as a journal that the owner (unidentified, though I think I see the name Mrs. J. M. Hanks written on one page) painstakingly created by taping, pasting, hat-pinning and stitching recipes clipped from newspapers -- as well as handwritten recipes -- onto the pages.

In other words, it's a friggin' gold mine of old recipes.

In the inside cover, the original owner scrawled a note indicating that she wired a message to a company and received a response on "May 13th, 1894."

Sooo...that was a long time ago.

I certainly want to use these recipes in my cookbook (if only I knew who she was so I could credit her properly!) but this week's Awe and Blah comes from two particularly striking clippings found in the book.

Awe

What: "How to Cook a Husband"
Why: This, er, "recipe" is printed as a letter to an advice columnist named Faith Felgar. I Googled Faith and she died in 1925, so -- while there is no date on the clipping -- it clearly pre-dates that year.

I also Googled a few lines from the text and found that a similar article was attributed to a 1934 issue of Good Housekeeping, but I guess I have the evidence in my hands that it was around before 1934.

I don't quite know what to make of this, but it's too funny that a) this was printed in the first place, and b) the original owner of the journal/cookbook took the time to cut it out and paste it into her book.

For those reasons, it's an Awe. Make of it what you will.

How to Cook a Husband
A good many husbands are entirely spoiled by mis-management in cooking, and so are not tender and good.

Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others freeze them; others put them in a stew; others roast them, and still others keep them constantly in a pickle.

It cannot be supposed any husband will be good and tender managed in this way, but they are really delicious when properly treated.

Don't keep him in a kettle by force, as he will stay there by himself if proper care is taken. If he should splutter or fizz don't be anxious some husbands do this.

Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call "kisses," but no vinegar or pepper on any account.

A little spice improves him, but it must be used with judgment. Do not try him with something sharp to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently the while, lest he lie too long in the kettle and become flat and tasteless.

If you follow these directions you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you, and he will keep as long as you want."

So...the attribution on the clipping is "-- E., Minnesota," but I promise it's not me. I wasn't born for several decades, and while I'm a fan of metaphors, this one is a bit, um, extended. Digestible husbands? Eek!

Blah

What: "Obesity Cure"
Why: For sheer entertainment value, this clipping almost warrants an "Awe." It's so absurd that it's awesome.

Again, I'm a bit floored that the original cookbook/journal owner pasted this into her book. Just wait until you get to the last paragraph:

Obesity Cure
"Twenty-five cents' worth of pure white soap and 1 pound of epsom salts (soap is not as cheap now as in the olden times.)*

Shave the soap into a granite kettle. Pour three quarts of hot soft water over soap and put on back of stove until melted. Do not let it boil. Set aside until cold.

Dissolve the salts in a 1/2 pint of hot soft water and when both are cold stir the salts into the soap, stirring until smooth and velvety.

Apply the soap directly to the skin, rubbing it in well, and then bathe it off in 12 hours. If one can apply it night and morning the reduction will be more rapid, but if one can use it but once a day, let it be at bedtime.

The epsom salts seem to destroy the fat cells and the soap acts as a poultice.

The excessive fat comes off in little rolls or balls, as though one had taken a Turkish bath. The treatment does not affect the digestive organs as when internal treatment is taken.

If the "cure" is faithfully applied the reduction will be about 1/2 pound per application. Keep track of your weight and you will find this to be true.

If one is troubled with fat upon one part of the body, but having proper proportions otherwise, the cure may be applied to the needed parts with the same results.

It will remove the double chin in a short time, leaving no wrinkles. When the cure has been used a week or ten days that tight, "stuffy" feeling begins to leave and soon one can walk or stoop with the utmost freedom.

Do not eat cake or candy, or you will put on fat faster than you can take it off. Several have testified that this has cured them of varicose veins."

OK...so let me get this straight: if you cake soap onto your skin and then wash it off once it is dried on, the stuff that comes off is fat (through the skin, which would be gruesome if it were actually feasible).

Of course, it couldn't possibly be the dried on soap that you're washing off.

And the best part is that, while you're using this miracle "cure," you're not supposed to eat cake or candy.

I can see the testimonials now: "It's amazing! I caked soap onto myself, washed it off, cut sweets out of my diet, and the SOAP caused me to lose weight!"

As my mother said when I read this to her, "We as a society have been gullible for a really long time."

*Hahaha! Seriously, that's a direct quote. It said "olden times"!

Tiger Electric Rice Cooker

2012-01-30T01:05:00.000-06:00

What: Tiger Brand Electric Rice Cooker
Rating: 10
Non-Quantifiable Rating: "I love rice. Rice is great when you're really hungry and you want two thousand of something." -- Mitch Hedberg

I'm stingy with 10s. Really stingy.

I was going to throw out an eight or a nine for this bad boy, because it doesn't have tons of bells and whistles.

But then I thought about it -- and for what this rice cooker is supposed to do, it's flawless. I have zero complaints, and I occasionally consider hugging it.

We received this rice cooker as an off-the-registry wedding present from my cousin and his wife, and I don't know how I ever lived without it.

You put in the rice (brown or white), put in the water, flip it to "rice cooking" and it automatically switches to the "warm" setting when it's done, so your rice is toasty whenever you need it.

What really pushes it over the edge to a 10? I discovered that it makes my beloved superfood quinoa *just* as easily (two parts water to one part quinoa, turn it on and you're done).

I've done my research, and Tiger is where it's at when it comes to rice cookers. Worth every penny.

I'm going to go make two thousand of something.

The Grandma Project Update

2012-01-28T14:04:00.000-06:00

The Grandma Project was just featured on MyTalk 107.1's Weekly Dish radio show. Thank you so much to Stephanie March (show co-host and Food & Dining Editor at Minneapolis - St. Paul Magazine) for the shout-out.

Click on the link to the left (in the sidebar) to submit your recipes!

Click here to learn more about the project!

Wheeeeeeeee!

Cheap & Easy Crock Pot Black Bean Casserole

2012-01-27T00:28:00.000-06:00

What: Cheap & Easy Crock Pot Black Bean Casserole
Rating: 9
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Make the crock pot do the work.

Like rice and beans? Me too.
Like casseroles? Me too.
Like when you're having a busy day and the crock pot offers to cook for you? Me too.

Silly crock pot. I don't even pay it.

This recipe gets a superstar rating because it scores five out of five on my scale: cheap, healthy, easy, versatile and delicious. It's not made with rice -- it's actually quinoa, which is a bona fide super food with crazy nutritional stats including high protein.

Feel free to sub ingredients/spices -- this is a very forgiving recipe.

And wait 'til you see the directions on this perfect winter comfort food.

Cheap & Easy Crock Pot Black Bean Casserole
Serves 4-6
Ingredients
- 3/4 c. uncooked quinoa (you can buy it in bulk at the grocery store)
- 1-1/2 c. vegetable or chicken broth
- 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
- 1 can sweet corn, drained and rinsed (or 15 oz. fresh or frozen)
- 1 onion, chopped
- 2-3 cloves garlic, chopped
- 2 tsp. cumin
- 1/4 - 1/2 tsp. cayenne (depending on your spice level preference)
- salt and pepper to taste

Directions
1) Throw everything in the crock pot and stir. Turn it onto high for about 3 hours, stirring occasionally to prevent burning.
2) Eat.
-

Awe and Blah: Household Tips and Tricks for Winter and Headhunting, NFL Style

2012-01-25T03:04:00.002-06:00

Awe
What: Suprising tips to make winter more awe-worthy
Why: Winter finally (sort of) showed up in Minnesota, but we're all out of practice since it has been positively balmy since last March.

Lest we become total weaklings, I thought I'd share a few winter-savvy tips:

First up: Prevent windshield frost with vinegar

Mix three parts vinegar and one part water. Pour the solution into a spray bottle and spritz your windshield, side mirrors and windows.

According to The Huffington Post and other online sources, it can provide anti-frost protection for up to a few weeks. Woot!

Next up: Cooking spray to de-ice your snow shovel

I've mostly shifted away from Pam in favor of good ole' olive oil, but it turns out that the canned stuff still has at least ONE cool function.

Have you ever been shoveling a driveway/sidewalk and had the snow, slush and ice gunk up and stick to your shovel? Annoying. Apparently, if you coat both sides of your shovel with Pam or other cooking spray, the gunk will slide right off.

And finally: Uncooked spaghetti to light multiple candles

This one isn't explicitly winter-related, but if you're like me, you tend to cozy up around candles more frequently during the dark, cold months.

There's nothing like the race to light multiple candles with one match. (Will I or won't I scorch my fingers?)

Solution? Use an uncooked spaghetti noodle instead of a match! Whoda thunk? Just imagine what it could do for a birthday cake! The last two handy tips (and the corresponding noodle photo) are from the ingenious folks at my beloved Real Simple.

Blah (After all that you still get a Blah? OMG, you are soooo lucky!)
What: New York Giants players who admit to intentionally going after a player with a history of concussions

Why: I just read this article on CNN's health blog, and it made me want to chop block somebody.

Two players from the Superbowl-bound New York Giants have admitted that they specifically targeted San Francisco 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams during Sunday's NFC championship game.

The problem with that? They apparently did so because they knew that Williams has a history of head injury and concussions. CNN's article quotes one Giant as saying, "We knew [Williams] had four concussions, so that was our biggest thing, to take him out of the game." Another Giant explicitly said that the team went after Williams "because he's had a lot of concussions."

I love football and I loved watching that game, and I know players get paid a lot of money to be roughed up, but this is insane. Specifically targeting someone at the expense of his brain health -- and then bragging about it?

Going after an injured player is certainly common in football. (Try being a quarterback with a bad shoulder.) But, as CNN Health points out, shouldn't the brain be different? You can't sit in an ice bath for your brain. And there are a kazillion high school football players watching you who shouldn't learn that the best way to "take out" the opposition is to target people with histories of head injuries.

Are the players to blame? Sure. But so are the folks in charge who tolerate this stuff.

Giants, since I'm writing this from the safety of my home and not actually in front of you, I feel empowered to call you meanie doodyheads.

Grayson Cellars 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon

2012-01-23T00:11:00.001-06:00

What: Grayson Cellars 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon
Rating: 9
Price: $8-12 depending on retailer
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Good enough for 1 p.m. on a Monday...

That's right. 1 p.m. on a Monday.

Judge all you want, but it was over lunch with a colleague celebrating a successful 2011 for Word Couture Consulting. (So as company holiday parties go, this was quite tame. No dancing on desks, Xeroxing body parts or playing "Pin the Tie on the CFO").

Strange date/time for drinking aside, this was a truly fabulous glass of wine. I thought I'd reviewed it previously, but it turns out that was Grayson's pinot noir. The cabernet is even better.

Grayson Cellars has received a fair amount of attention from critics and oenophiles for offering well-crafted wine at bargain prices.

Cheap wine? Yay!
Delicious wine? Yay!
Cheap, delicious wine? Cheers!

The Leann Rimes Tattoo Debacle

2012-01-20T00:05:00.002-06:00

image via people.com

What: Singer Leann Rimes has a new tattoo. She should have used a proofreader.

Rating: 0

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Permanent grammar fail.

First Katy Perry spewed poor grammar all over the airways. Then Leann Rimes had it inked on her foot.

Leann's brand new tattoo should read: "The only one who matters." She says it's a quote from her husband.

Here's your super fun grammar lesson for the day: if you insist on directly quoting a grammatial mistake, you can acknowledge the error by adding "[sic]" after the offending word.

I'd like to recommend that Leann alter her tattoo accordingly:

"The only one that [sic] matters."

You're welcome for the free editing advice, Leann. Next time I'll bill you.

Someone apparently pointed out the error via Twitter. Leann's painfully worded response:

"No it's not "who" it was what was said from my husbands mouth and there's nothing wrong with "that."

Egad.

Talk about putting your foot in your mouth! HA! HA! HA!

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Film, English version)

2012-01-18T00:20:00.000-06:00

Looking for your Awe and Blah? It was on Monday this week. I apologize for messing with your world.

image via imdb.com

What: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Film, English version)

Rating: 8

Non-Quantifiable Rating: One of the few instances where Hollywood didn't Botox a book or a foreign film to death.

I reviewed this book 18 months ago. I gave it a 9. About a year ago, I reviewed the Swedish version of the film. I gave it a 6.

Surprisingly, this version approaches the book in terms of quality.

Is it convoluted? Yep.
Is it painfully -- almost gratuitously -- violent at times? Yes, but then, the book's author was certifiably twisted.

This high rating is as much for production quality as it is for plot. They do mess with the book's plot a bit (grrr) but they make up for it with stunning cinematography, a haunting score (done by the guy from Nine Inch Nails), and impressively compelling, suspenseful direction.

Worth seeing for sure. Bring a pillow to hide behind (I'm talking to you, Mom).

Special Monday Awe and Blah: Golden Globes Fashion

2012-01-16T00:00:00.017-06:00

Don't worry, you didn't accidentally sleep through Monday and Tuesday.

I'm mixing things up by throwing out a super special Monday Awe and Blah with awe-worthy and blah-worthy fashion from last night's Golden Globes.

Awe(s)

I'd look like a roll of toilet paper in this, but Claire Danes looks graphically fabulous.

The Help's Viola Davis doesn't need any Help looking stunning in this beautiful dress. (Ha! I made a pun!)

Paula Patton is basically wearing a yellow version of my wedding dress. Gosh, I'm sick of celebrities rummaging through my closet and dying my clothes. It's super annoying.

Again, I could never pull this off, but I give Nicole Kidman tons of credit for an unusual, interesting choice. Also, I haven't seen her smile in years. The Botox must have finally worn off.

So George Clooney is finally settling down. Here's why:

And my favorite look of the night comes from Dame Helen Mirren. Seriously, where do I sign up to look like that ~~in 40 years~~ now.

Blah

And now the mocking begins...because, let's be honest, that's more fun.

Charlize Theron is thirty years too late for her fifth birthday party.

Oh, Julianna Marguiles. I'm trying so hard to resist the Barney the Dinosaur jokes.

So Jessica Biel got engaged to Justin Timberlake over the holidays. Apparently, the wedding dress shopping has already started...in her great-grandmother's closet...

This should teach Lea Michelle to never let an angry cat play with her dress.

Angelina Jolie's dress probably looked fine until someone vomited wine on her shoulder.

all photos via people.com except Helen, via msnbc.com

Cream of Wheat

2012-01-13T00:01:00.002-06:00

What: Cream of Wheat (seriously)
Rating: 7
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Like the 1980s in a bowl.

I must be regressing. Between the Ovaltine post and now Cream of Wheat, I'm reliving my epicurean childhood. Must be that new project of mine.

I honestly didn't know they still made Cream of Wheat. Sure enough, I stumbled across it during a recent Target trip, and that guy on the box is still smiling. Nostalgia won over, and I purchased a box.

The new-fangled flavored Cream of Wheat has predictably scary nutritional stats, but the plain original stuff (featured above) is refreshingly simple. Three ingredients, plenty of vitamins and minerals, and each serving has 120 calories, zero grams of fat and four grams of protein. Not too shabby!

Is it bland? Sure, but not as bad as you'd think. And you either like the texture or you don't. I do.

I've been eating it piled high with blueberries, which is satisfying and delicious. It's also extra creamy made with milk (or with a bit of unsweetened vanilla almond milk swirled in at the end after making it with water...mmmm...).

Word to the wise: this stuff is absurdly susceptible to boiling over. To be fair, I've been using my parents' reject microwave in our basement since our kitchen isn't *quite* functional yet, but it's like the stuff waits until my back is turned and then explodes.

I've heard toddlers do that, too.

Bottom line: It's cheap. It's fast. It's nutritious. And speaking of toddlers, you can serve leftovers to your toddler, assuming you have one of those wandering around.

Awe and Blah: Fast, Great, or Cheap and Tracy Anderson's Big Mouth

2012-01-11T00:11:00.000-06:00

Awe

via www.pitchdesignunion.com, and they got it from www.tinytank.net

What: The Fast, Great, or Cheap Chart

Why: I stumbled upon this chart on the blog of my graphic designer pal Margot.

It's designed (ha!) for graphic designers (obviously) but I think it's beautifully applicable to a lot of roles in a lot of fields.

I particularly like what you get when you combine fast and cheap:

"Dipped in ugly sauce with haste and carelessness."

As a freelance writer, I'm especially tickled. After all, you can go ahead and hire the cheapest writer available. I'll still be here when he or she forgets the "L" in "Public" on your press release.

Blah

What: Celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson and the yahoos at Us Magazine who quoted her.

Why: This week's Us Weekly magazine featured diet and training "secrets" from stars and their trainers.

I know. Ick.

The worst? Attention-hungry Tracy Anderson, who trains Jennifer Lopez. Anderson's advice? Dance. That's all well and good, but her logic is disgusting. She says:

"You don't want to make your quads big like you would by running."

Super. Thanks, Tracy.

Thanks for scaring girls and women away from running for fear of getting big thighs. Because big thighs are clearly the most common side effect of starting a running regimen. (I need a sarcasm font.)

Tracy, if you're ever in Minnesota, look me up. I'll race you.

The Goat Rodeo Sessions

2012-01-09T00:06:00.001-06:00

image via amazon.com

What: The Goat Rodeo Sessions (an album from Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer, and Chris Thile).

Rating; 9

Non-Quantifiable Rating: Talented goats. Or goat rodeo cowboys. Or...whatever. I give up. Strange name, great music.

I got a track from The Goat Rodeo Sessions as a free download from Starbucks. I don't frequent Starbucks enough to get very many of their free downloads, but in my limited experience, they're usually weird and crappy (think whiny acoustic covers of Beach Boys songs).

I should have known that anything from Yo-Yo Ma would be good. After all, Yo-Yo Ma is to cello what coffee is to being awake: essential, fundamental, and glorious.

The free track, Attaboy, was enough to compel me to download the rest of the album. The Goat Rodeo Sessions is a collaboration of Yo-Yo Ma and ~~some other guys~~ fellow accomplished string musicians who combine to form a quirky, lively, adventurous quartet.

The music is technically classical, but incorporates delicious bits of celtic, pastoral, bluegrass, folk, etc. It's the kind of music I want on in the background while I'm cooking/cleaning/entertaining/wanting to be cheered up.

I never thought I'd enjoy a goat rodeo so much.

Announcing the Grandma Project!

2012-01-06T00:02:00.003-06:00

Today is like the day where you don't get an ice cream cone, but that's because you get a chocolate brownie ice cream explosion instead.

OK, I'm a little excited.

There's no review today, but that's because I'm announcing a new project. It's a cookbook. And by "new," I mean "I don't have a publisher yet." (So if you know anyone, send him or her my way. Tell him or her that I'm super cool.)

Here's the deets. Pass it along!* Join in the fun!**

*Yes, you!
**Now!

Yes, the text is teeny. Click here for a Google Doc version.

Awe and Blah: Painter's Drop Cloth Curtains and Target Spelling

2012-01-04T00:31:00.001-06:00

Awe

What: Curtains made from Home Depot Painter's Drop Cloths

Why: You read that right. My new curtains are made from Home Depot painter's drop cloths.

Seriously.

If you read last week's Awe and Blah, you know that I was burned by Overstock.com's return policy. As a result, I was afraid to drop a bunch of cash on new curtains that may-or-may-not have worked.

The universe works in mysterious ways. That's why, a few days later, I was skimming through my local newspaper when I came across a feature on an interior designer. The designer said that she loved using Home Depot painter's drop cloths for upholstering furniture -- and as curtains.

Say what?!

We scurried off to Home Depot (where we were greeted with, "Hey, we haven't seen you in six hours, is something wrong?") and landed four 5x9 panels for just a few bucks each. Bonus: these cloths are pre-hemmed. Wahoo!

Sure, they're meant for painting, but they're canvas so there's no reason they can't be curtains.

I washed the drop cloths and they came out of the dryer so wrinkled that they looked like geometric figures. After a lot of ironing and a bit of sewing (just to make a seam at the top -- thanks, mom!) they were ready to go.

I love them. I especially love that they cost less than a Chipotlè burrito.

Blah

What: Target's proofreading skills
Why: Let's keep the drapery trend going. I stopped by Target and picked up a (non-drop cloth) shade for my office. Let's review the language on the back, shall we?

"Recommended quantity of panels for desires look."

Umm...desires?

I used to work for Target's corporate headquarters.

It looks like they should have begged me to stay...as a proofreader.

This nonsense would have made it past spellcheck, since "desires" is indeed a word. As if we needed more proof (ha!) that there's no substitute for proofreading!

We're all susceptible to mistakes. But you'd think someone would have caught this one before it made it all the way to store shelves.

Memo to Target: For the right price (and a private jet to take me to all 1,600 stores) I'll go around with a Sharpie and fix all the labels for you. You're welcome.

Sweet 'n Savory Sweet Potato Side Dish

2012-01-02T00:01:00.001-06:00

What: Sweet 'n savory sweet potato side dish
Rating: 8
Non-Quantifiable Rating: Speedy, simple, scrumptious.

Happy new year!

I hate rating my own recipes. It's awkward. It's like grading my own essay tests.

But since this side dish was gone before I could take a picture, I'll take that as a vote of confidence from the people who ate it.

At my family's Christmas dinner, we needed a last minute side dish, preferably involving vegetables.

This one involves vegetables, along with a healthy dose of butter and sugar. I decided to put this together based on ingredients we had on hand. It only took about 20 minutes start-to-finish, and it was pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.

Sweet 'n savory sweet potato side dish
Ingredients
- 2 giant or 4 small sweet potatoes
- 2-3 Tbls. butter
- 1/3-1/2 c. brown sugar
- 2+ Tbls. chopped fresh parsley
- salt and pepper to taste

Directions
1) Wash and peel sweet potatoes
2) Cut into bite-sized pieces
3) If you have time to roast the sweet potatoes, do so. Otherwise, put them into a microwave-safe dish, fill the dish with water to cover the potatoes, cover with plastic wrap and microwave until tender (it was about 10 minutes in my parents' microwave)
4) Meanwhile, melt the butter in a large pan
5) When the potatoes are ready, drain them and add to the pan
6) Add brown sugar and stir into potatoes/butter until sugar is melted/dissolved (about five minutes)
7) Top with parsley, salt and pepper; stir for another minute or so

Serve warm.

Best of 2011: Year-end review(s)

2011-12-30T00:22:00.001-06:00

2011 was a big bucket of awesome.

I'm excited for 2012, but before we ring in the new year, I want to send off 2011 with my second annual year-end review.

Enjoy this all-star list of my reviews from this 2011 -- and have a safe and happy new year!

JANUARY - Homemade Bagels

FEBRUARY - Kristen's Amazing Cookie Dough Brownies

MARCH - The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Next

APRIL - Blood, Bones and Butter

MAY - Aveda Comforting Tea

JUNE - Rex Goliath Free Range Red Wine

JULY - Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage

AUGUST - Bon Iver

SEPTEMBER - Nutella Sandwich Cookies with Nutella Buttercream Filling

OCTOBER - Sweet Potato Corn Cakes

NOVEMBER - Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30

DECEMBER - Bota Box Malbec

Awe and Blah: Heavy Rope Training and Overstock.com Return Policy

2011-12-28T00:38:00.002-06:00

Awe

What: Heavy Rope Training (a.k.a. Thick Rope Training, Battling Ropes, Power Ropes, etc.
Why: New Year's Resolution, anyone?

Heavy Rope Training looks like you're playing double dutch jump rope by yourself. In other words, it looks ridiculous.

But when I saw Heavy Ropes at my gym, I figured I had nothing to lose. I have seen contestants on The Biggest Loser using heavy ropes, and -- if nothing else -- it'd be a nice change of pace.

I expected the ropes to be weighted, so when I picked them up, I was surprised at how light they were. I thought, "Well, this will be a piece of cake."

Mmm, not so much.

I briefly chatted with a nearby trainer. When she heard I was a cross-country skier, she recommended mimicking cross-country skiing motions. Who knew you could do that with ropes?

Turns out you can.

Within thirty seconds, my legs, shoulders, back and abs were on fire, and I felt like I was gargling my heart. Talk about a double whammy of cardio and strength! Throw in the functional training, and it's the best -- and simplest -- exercise I've discovered in a loooong time.

I dragged my husband over and made him trade off 60 second intervals with me for ten rounds. (I'm a recent convert to high-intensity interval training. Google it.)

I originally planned to head to the cardio machines to close out my workout, but after 20 minutes of ropes intervals, I was completely spent. Hooray for a full workout in 20 minutes!

Blah

What: Overstock.com return policies

Why: It's official. I'm spoiled. After Zappos.com's 365-day, no-questions-asked, free-shipping-both-ways return policy, anything less seems crummy.

So maybe this is a slightly unfair "Blah," but at least it can be a warning to other potential shoppers.

We recently ordered a couple sets of drapes from Overstock.com, and the color proved to be considerably darker in person than it looked online. I started to process a return, only to discover that I'd be out shipping costs both directions. (Apparently I missed that in the fine print, which made returns sound like a piece of cake.) That may not sound like a big deal, but it meant being out $40 for curtains I wasn't going to keep.

I chatted with customer service, and they agreed to let me return the curtains for free as a one-time concession. However, the tone of their response made me feel like an admonished child. Plus I'm afraid to order replacement curtains lest I pick the wrong color again.

Looks like I'll have to actually enter a store to buy drapes. Gasp! The horror!
Then again, that isn't always easy either. Here's an article from today's Huffington Post about returning holiday gifts at brick-and-mortar stores: http://www.stylelist.com/2011/12/23/holiday-guide-return-policy_n_1167445.html