(Psalm 147:3)

“Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

(Matthew 5:4)

In the aftermath of deep emotional pain, I wanted to believe these words. They sure sounded good, but how?? How does one achieve this healing and comfort the Scriptures speak of? I’d been angry, I’d been sad, I’d thrown a couple of things, cried countless times, until I was just sick of it all. It was nearing my baby girl’s birthday, and I didn’t want to cry anymore. Didn’t want to keep doing things that hurt just because they were supposed to help me heal. Didn’t want to talk about it to people who wouldn’t understand, but would try to give advice anyway.

Grief can be selfish. Just like all forms of depression, it can be easy to get used to where we’re at and want to stay there. We know we hurt, and there’s got to be something better for us down the road . . . but it’s so familiar, we become justified in our sadness. It’s comfortable, and we have every right to hold onto it, since we’re never getting that special person back. It becomes who we are. A part of us, and we’re not sure we want to let it go.

Healing is too long, and too hard. The constant cleaning of so deep a wound becomes too much to bear. Will we ever truly be healed, anyway? Couldn’t we just replace the bandaid every now and then and be done with it? I could pretend to be okay.

“This hurts, Daddy.”

One night, about two in the morning, I woke up crying for my baby. That’s when God spoke, and finally got through to me. He said, “Give me your pain. There is a difference between crying, and crying out to me. I want you to cry to me. I want you to tell me how you feel. This pain doesn’t belong to you. Give it to me and let me give you comfort.”

You see, I had come to dislike my tears. They made me feel weak, and vulnerable. I was even a little afraid of them. What if I started to cry and couldn’t stop. What if they led to complete emotional breakdown. What if they just made me feel worse. These were lies.

Everything God creates, He creates for a reason. If used in the correct way, tears make us stronger. They are a very, very good thing. If we communicate our feelings to God, we will be closer to Him, and to the comfort and healing or whatever it is that we need.

Our tears are precious to God. I love this verse, Psalm 56:8:

You Yourself have recorded my wanderings.

Put my tears in Your bottle.

Are they not in Your records?

That night, I opened my Bible to Isaiah 49, and God showed me these words:

For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones.

But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.”

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has born?

Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . . (13-16)

If you are feeling discouraged or sad, just remember we serve a heavenly daddy who not only knows how many hairs are on your head and how many tears you’ve cried, but who also longs to give you everything you need in exchange for your surrender to Him and an intimate relationship with Him. If you’re hurting, won’t you come to the Father and tell Him how much it hurts? You won’t be complaining, you’ll be lamenting, and I promise you will be rewarded for it.

Ingredients:

• 4 cups chicken broth (I like to use homemade or this brand)
• 1 cup half & half
• 2 large carrots, diced
• 2 cooked chicken breasts, diced
• 1 onion, diced
• 3 garlic cloves, minced (or 1 tsp garlic powder)
• 1 cup frozen broccoli
• 1 tsp. dried thyme
• 2 teaspoons sea salt (or seasoned to taste – my broth is nearly salt free)
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 3 TB flour (I like to use einkorn flour – it’s more easily digested than regular gluten flour)
• 3 TB butter
• 1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
• 1/3 cup white rice (I like basmati)

Method:

1. Saute onion in butter until soft. Add garlic and cook for a few minutes longer.

2. Add flour and cook for a few minutes. Slowly add 2 cups broth. Stir until mixture thickens.

3. Add carrots and cook for about 5 minutes to soften.

4. Add everything else except cheese and cream.

5. Cook for 6 minutes on low pressure. (I use the soup feature and then adjust the time.)

6.Allow the pressure to release, then open the lid. Add half & half and shredded cheese.

7. Enjoy! Serves: about 4.

Especially as I’ve passed through times of loneliness or seasons of great need, I’ve struggled with Jesus’ words to us in John 16:

“But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.”

I guess you could say I’d never really believed this verse. How could it be better for Jesus to go away so we can have the Holy Spirit instead? As a friend of mine put it, it’s not as if Jesus himself was standing right there beside us … But wait a minute, yes it is!

Too often I think we treat the Holy Spirit more like an “it” than a legitimate person of the Trinity. We say the same rote prayers over and over, usually at mealtimes or right before going to bed. We then get upset when we don’t “hear” anything from God. It’s not as if we aren’t trying, or even that we don’t expect him to speak. But He longs to be an intimate friend and lover, just as much or more as we long for that type of relationship. Instead we seek for those longings to be filled by flawed human beings, and relegate our conversation with him to the type of prayers we’ve all been raised to say: Thank you for this food, bless it to our bodies, please protect us on our trip, etc.

Because the Holy Spirit lives inside us, he has the ability to know us intimately, if we will let him. We have access to him at all times, but my question is, how can we expect him to speak to us or for us to know when he is speaking, if we don’t treat him like a real person and take the time to get to know him? If we treated our best friends the way we treat the Holy Spirit, could we really be best friends and know everything about each other?

 My REAL “Imaginary” Friend

When I’m trying to understand a concept, visuals help me a lot. Have you ever seen a child interacting with her imaginary friend? A child will talk to her imaginary friend just as if her friend was real. You can’t convince her that her friend doesn’t exist, and it doesn’t matter that no one else can see her friend. Maybe it’s time we start treating our relationship with the Holy Spirit that way. I have found it helps me to visualize this friend next to me, and then to start speaking out loud what is on my heart. I stop “feeling lonely” when I start focusing on the Truth. You see, if Jesus were right here in front of us (I mean, where we could see him with our physical eyes), I believe we’d treat him a lot differently than we do the Holy Spirit. And when we begin to treat him as we should, exercising our faith, He becomes more real to us. Then we will experience the intimate relationship that we desire and were made to enjoy.

Let me tell you, getting to know the Holy Spirit is the most fulfilling pursuit I’ve ever had. The closer I get to Him, the more I experience glimpses of the “more abundant life” that Jesus spoke of. I’m finding that I truly have everything I need in Him, no matter what life looks like around me. I pray that you too, will be able to say, “the longer I serve him, the sweeter he grows”!

(Reading for this post: John 14-17)

I couldn’t stand another month without a baby. Yes, even as scary as the unknown may be, or as strange as it may feel to have another baby inside me during the time I would have been nursing Hope.

Trust me, God says. I won’t give you more than you can handle. Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS! (Joshua 1:9) And the positive pregnancy test came right away. In the following weeks of announcing to close family and friends, through the stressful interviews with midwives who needed to know last year’s story of loss, to breaking down and crying because I didn’t think I could handle another pregnancy . . . God reminded me of that verse:

Even though I couldn’t handle things on my own, God was right there with me, promising to give me the strength that I needed. I was blessed with no morning sickness. For the first time since Hope’s passing, my appetite returned. I craved all kinds of food, especially chocolate, which I didn’t really care for with my two girls. March 12th, my estimated due date, seemed so far away! I speculated if I was carrying a boy this time, but my experience has been that every pregnancy is so different, it’s really hard to tell!

Learning to Lean

Then the spotting began. I wasn’t too worried at first – I mean, it’s a pretty common occurrence in early pregnancy. As it slowly picked up, I started to wonder if there was more to come. Something seemed off. I tried to rest, and instantly my mind filled with questions – questions of whether this could be my fault. What had I done differently this time? A little bit of painting before we knew I was pregnant? The kitten we’d recently adopted? The cup of coffee (or less!) I was drinking in the mornings? Maybe I had just gotten too stressed, or maybe it was because, in a moment of weakness, I’d broken down and said I couldn’t handle it and I didn’t want to be pregnant?? Maybe I just didn’t have enough faith?

Finally the bleeding reached a point that I knew I’d lost something. We’d have to go for an ultrasound to find out for sure what that was. I’d been through waiting before, and if you’ve been through anything similar, you know that a day and a half can stretch out to what seems like an eternity . . . And that’s where the battlefield of the mind really began for me.

This time, though, there was a sort of sweetness in it. When I was able to dwell on God’s promises, commands, and very nature, I remained in a calm state. I was able to receive the peace that God gives. When I couldn’t make the voices of worry or self-blame go away, I began to pray for other’s needs . . . And then something else happened. A joy bubbled inside of me and I began to want to praise this God who made me and loves me so . . . Who commands me not to worry, who promises peace, and strength for tomorrow. Right when I need it, and not before.

Yes, we lost the baby. And no, I don’t understand his ways. But I think I understand a little more about this walk of faith than I did before.

Worrying wouldn’t have changed anything except to make me physically ill and unable to eat that weekend. God’s strength came at the exact moment that I needed it. I would be lying to you if I didn’t admit that there were a few times I had trouble eating. Or that my hand didn’t shake (quite a bit!) as my dear husband held it during the ultrasound. But I think I am learning more about simply abiding in my Savior.

Counting My Blessings

There are always blessings when we learn to look for them. When we lost our daughter, there was a lot of uncertainty about what had caused her condition. There was definitely temptation to blame myself, and even be angry with my own body, because I had those antibodies which may/may not have had anything to do with her death. This time God graciously allowed me to know the exact cause of my miscarriage, and it had nothing to do with me. It was simply an informational error. A very common type of miscarriage that usually only occurs once in a woman’s life.

The baby was already gone, too small to leave anything behind that might be seen. Which makes me both relieved and sad – relieved because I’m not attached enough to feel as deeply sorrowful as I might be. Sad because I didn’t get to know anything about this little life.

I never had any pain during my ordeal. The ultrasound came back clear – nothing left in the uterus that I had to worry about getting rid of.

I wasn’t alone when any of this happened. During the actual miscarriage, I was at a close friend’s house with my husband.

We had just found a midwife and were able to receive help from her, instead of wondering where to go or what to do.

We have a kitten who is as many weeks old as I was pregnant when I miscarried. I happen to think that’s kinda neat. And a little stress reliever to have something to pet.

Blessed for Believing

In the sadness and confusion following the ultrasound results, I re-read part of Joshua 1, and my eyes fell upon this reassurance:

God has also reminded me that I am blessed because I put my trust in Him. Just because I haven’t received my longed for child in the flesh yet, doesn’t mean I don’t have enough faith. God knows my heart, and I don’t have to keep begging him for those desires which line up with his own. He longs to bless me with children just as much as I desire to have children. This was simply a detour along the way.

I do have to wonder, and have asked several times, “Really, God, just REALLY? Why? I was expecting a miracle, my rainbow baby, and THIS had to happen?”

And if I’ve learned anything through my recent trials, it’s that the answers to our “why’s” rarely come. But for now, I’m okay with the not knowing, and to simply believe that God works everything together for our good. I have asked for more intimacy with God, and that is what I’m getting. More peace, more faith, more trusting. More of a heart for the unborn. More compassion and understanding for women who’ve had both early and late pregnancy losses. And more joy than I’ve ever known. Seems appropriate to name this baby Winter Joy, since she came during the winter of my sadness, reminding me of crocuses that bloom just before spring arrives.

Okay, remember that I said I wanted to take care of myself so I could take care of my family better? That was only partly true. You see, I wanted another baby. Badly. But I knew it wasn’t a good idea to get pregnant on top of the anemia and near constant stomachaches that had only gotten worse since my first pregnancy. Nothing seemed to help until I did a liver detox. For a week I felt great – I had so much energy I actually wanted to get out of bed in the mornings! Then a different kind of tiredness hit, and I realized I was pregnant with baby #2! I was so excited. My skin was glowing after the detox and my anemia was gone. I was sure this pregnancy was going to be smooth sailing!

Well, I was wrong. Morning sickness was worse, much worse than before. So I figured I was having a boy. There was some random bleeding and we went in for our first ultrasound at 11 weeks, giving a sigh of relief to see our tiny little peanut kicking up a storm in there and sucking his/her thumb. Finally, I stopped my frequent visits to the white throne and even felt good for a few weeks until some rather strange symptoms popped up. It seemed there was an explanation for all of them, yet something didn’t feel right to me.

My “feelings” were confirmed with my last prenatal visit at 28 weeks when our midwife advised us to get another ultrasound. From there our baby was given a fatal diagnosis: fetal hydrops caused by fetal brachycardia. Just some fancy words that meant, “your baby has swelling everywhere and we think it’s caused by a low heart rate caused by some antibodies . . . which you didn’t even know you had, and usually don’t cause any problems.” Oh, and by the way, “your baby is too little for a pacemaker, even if we got her out now, we wouldn’t do anything to help her and would just let you hold her.”

Wait, what?!!

We spent the next couple of weeks begging, pleading, with God to save our little one. She lived longer than the doctors said she would. We even thought she was going to pull through. Then one night after communion on October 24th, she moved more than she’d moved in a while. Her daddy got to feel her move too. I thought she was just excited about the grape juice, but truth is, she was probably saying goodbye. She didn’t move at all the next day. That week the ultrasound showed no heartbeat, but I didn’t give up h/Hope (literally and figuratively!) until the next ultrasound when we finally found out she was a girl. God was gracious to me, allowing me to deliver her naturally, despite the doctor’s assurances that I “would never go into labor” on my own. We also got to see a normal looking baby, since the swelling had gone down considerably by that point. Hope Iris was stillborn on November 3, after 7 1/2 hours of smooth labor. Physically I recovered quickly, but emotionally is a different story. My heart has been shattered to a million pieces.

Ever had life hit you out of nowhere and suddenly you can barely breathe? You begin to question everything you’ve ever done or believed? That’s how I feel after Hope went to heaven. If you’ve been through a tragedy like this, you know that nothing will ever be the same again. Just so you know, I do still believe those things I said in the beginning. However, getting there … to that place of health and joy, is coming from a brokenness I never thought I’d have to experience. If you’re still with me, and you want to reach that life of fullness, I’m truly humbled and honored that you’re here as I limp along. I have nothing to offer you except what my Savior shows me along the way. May the Lord bless you on your journey, friend.

I decided to study the passage again with fresh eyes. What I found is that there is far more to this woman than becoming an early bird and enjoying sewing. Proverbs 31 was actually written as a poem praising the woman of wisdom, one who fears the Lord. Since the writer of Proverbs frequently personifies wisdom as a woman, it makes sense to me that this woman at the end of the book is yet another personification of wisdom. And all of her accomplishments? They are highlighting character traits that flow from a Christ centered life, not domestic duties to be performed. In other words, it’s not what we do, it’s how we do them that really matters. If we allow ourselves to be defined by our roles, we will become them. In fact, no where in the passage are we told to copy this woman’s actions in order to be wise. In the end, we are told that, “a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!”

So, the question is, what does it mean to “reverently and worshipfully” fear the Lord? 

Well, if you fear the Lord you will put him first. I think that means we should act like he is more important than anything or anyone else, yes even our schedules, our Ipad minis, our chocolate, and our coffee. But on a more serious note, the Lord tells us that we cannot even put him in the same category as our family! (see Matt. 10:37) Our fears, our hopes, our dreams, our everything, must be fully set apart from the love and life we have in Christ. One question I find myself asking continually is, if everything were taken away, could I still be content in Christ? Would I be more than okay if my family, my house, and my possessions were all gone? What if I was sitting in a prison cell with nothing? I heard recently of a fellow believer who lost her husband to cancer, after suffering a couple of miscarriages, having a couple of children with special needs,  AND their house burning down. Yet, amazingly, she spoke of how she knew the Lord was taking care of her. Her “everything” was gone, but praise was still on her lips because she had learned to put God first in her life. Could I be like that?

The truth is, people like that woman exhibit a strength that I don’t have. Most days, I stumble and fall. I repeatedly make the same mistakes, as I take my eyes off my Savior and gaze at the world around me instead. I struggle not to worry about the very things that many other Christians around the world are dealing with right now. And yes, I know – I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Right? Scripture is full of examples of God using those who are weak for his glory. In this world we will have trouble, but Jesus has already overcome the world. Over and over again we are told not to be afraid.

But here’s what I’m getting at: If we fear anything, if we are afraid of something other than Jesus Christ, than we cannot fear him. In other words,

If I fear Jesus, than I must not fear anything else. 

Now, does this mean I won’t ever be afraid as long as I serve God? I don’t think so. I’ve listened to the testimony of several Christians who have suffered for their faith, and I don’t know of any who did not admit to being afraid as they faced difficult circumstances. That’s very much a human response, and a human emotion, but it’s what we do with it that matters – do we confess it to God and ask him to fill us with his supernatural strength? Or do we succomb to it, live in it, wallow in it? Until we are no longer living our lives for Jesus Christ, but rather in bondage to fear?

You know what’s sad?  I do not even have to be facing real threat of something dangerous to live my everyday life in fear. My mind easily conjures up endless scenarios of “what ifs” on its own. But I have learned, just like any other sin, that if I entertain those fears, they will take root and grow until they possess me. Maybe that’s what Peter means when he says that we are to follow Sarah’s example by “not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve” us (I Peter 3:6).

Fear of the Lord goes hand in hand with obedience. 

You may say, wait a minute, to fear God may mean that he comes first in our lives. And of course we should revere and worship him only. . . . but I don’t think he wants me to be afraid of him! Consider this: Have you ever stopped and imagined what it would be like to meet the King of Kings? Would you fall on your face in worship? Like Isaiah, would you say, “Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips?”  As you remember that any of your righteous acts are like filthy menstrual cloths in comparison to the holiness of God Almighty? I know the thought has made me tremble!

It is this reverential awe of God that causes us to obey his commands. I mean, yes, he loves us, yes he died for us so we could have a relationship with him, but I have to think that if I had a real encounter with the Creator, I could do nothing less than respond in obedience. . . . How about you?

Fear of the Lord requires faith.

In order to have a healthy fear of the Lord, we must first believe he is who he says he is.
This is something I often question myself: If I truly believe in him, shouldn’t my life look and feel incredibly different? 

Too often I feel like I’m living my own life with Jesus as an afterthought, instead of the other way around. But when I think about truly building my life around Christ, I wonder if . . .  Maybe this sort of life is comprised of the smallest decisions - those seemingly inconsequential acts of daily surrender, that moment-by-moment choice to do what you know is right, regardless of what others may think or how hard it is for you to carry through.

Maybe it’s in practicing an awareness of the presence of God, and meditating constantly on his word to remind me of who he is. Or in the praising of him for the beauty I see everywhere instead of taking little miracles for granted.

These days, instead of being annoyed with Proverbs 31, I find myself refreshed and encouraged – because the woman of wisdom reminds me that I don’t have to work or complete any specific tasks in order to reflect the beauty of my Lord. Like Mary, I need only sit at his feet in reverence and awe, and soak in his glory.

References & Suggested Reading:

Matthew 10:37

I Peter 3:6

Exodus 20:18-20

Isaiah 6:1-8

Isaiah 64:6

Definition of Fear

3 Things You Might Not Know About Proverbs 31

The Fear of the Lord (Set Apart Girl Devotional)

And maybe it’s a new mom thing, but I’m constantly questioning myself: Did she eat enough vegetables? Am I forgetting to teach her a skill she should be learning? Why did I get impatient with her just now? Did I read a book to her today? How am I going to home school her?

But you know, as overwhelming as all these thoughts are, they are not what really concerns me. I know that my single, most important job is to teach my little girl about Jesus. To disciple her. I can teach her all the “things” that would make her a “good little Christian.” You know, read your Bible, pray, don’t swear, don’t lie, or cheat or steal. But that’s not what makes you a follower of Jesus. I don’t want to teach her religion; I want to teach her how to have a relationship. I want to teach her that the things we read about in the Bible are real, not just nice stories. I have to model a Christ-like life to her. A real, spirit-filled life that actually lines up with the Bible. I have to be. like. Jesus.

And, well, THAT is what really concerns me. It shakes me to the core. It scares me that the behavior I model every day has the potential to drive her either to or away from Christ. You see, I might not know how to teach Leah some of the things I mentioned earlier. But I can learn. However,  if being a good mom really means being like Jesus . . . I will fail every time.

Discipling does not equal perfection

The good news is, I don’t have to be perfect to disciple others. Even the apostle Paul openly admitted his faults to believers, yet in the same letter, encouraged them to follow his godly example. We’ve all been around someone whose very presence exudes the spirit of Christ. Take my husband for example. He has had both professing believers and non believers ask him why his behavior was so different from others. And you guys, as amazing as he is, he does have his faults. I’ve also been around other Christians and sensed that they were fellow believers without them having to utter a word about Jesus.

The difficulty in discipling those within your own household is that the ones closest to you unfortunately get to witness many, if not all, of your faults. They’re going to really notice when your words don’t line up with your actions. Children especially are great observers and imitators. But there’s a flip side to this. They are usually better at forgiving you too. So I think the key here is to be sincere. Be willing to admit when you are wrong. Don’t hold your children to a higher standard than yourself. Get down to their level, ask forgiveness, and try again.

My other thought is that you need to actually be with Christ. Be quiet before Him. Spend time in his presence. Love him. I like to think of the story of Moses whose face is radiant when he comes down the mountain after communing with God. If I really love God, people won’t be able to help but notice a difference in the way I live. Christ-like actions will pour effortlessly out of a believer whose heart is totally consumed with love for her God. As Paul says, if we walk with the Spirit, we will not satisfy the desires of our sinful nature (Galatians 5:16).

If our children see that we really love God and are living for Him and pouring our lives out for others instead of our own desires and wishes, I can’t help but think that will make an impression on them. Ultimately we can’t make them choose to follow Christ. We can invite them on our mission to serve others. We can make a Christ-filled life attractive to them. But the decision of who or what they will commit their lives to is theirs alone to make.

Prayer is everything

Deuteronomy chapter 6 gives us some instructions on how we should disciple our children. Besides loving the Lord with all of our hearts, it tells us to get the words of God inside us so we can teach our children, and that we are to talk about Him constantly throughout the day – like when we get up in the morning, as we do laundry and dishes, while we eat, and before we go to bed at night. To make sure we don’t forget his commands, we can even place physical reminders before our eyes.

. . . Is it just me, or does it seem like with everything that goes into being a godly parent, somehow it’s all too easy to forget the most important piece of our “job” – and that is to pray? Unless I ask for God’s help, it’s simply impossible for me to keep going without burning out and to have the wisdom to respond to each situation that arises. And here’s another really sobering thought: according to the Bible, not everyone one will be saved. So we should be praying diligently for our children’s souls. Pray without ceasing. And pray for specific needs in accordance with God’s will.

In her book, Set Apart Motherhood, Leslie Ludy tells the story of how Hudson Taylor’s mother wrestled in prayer for him one night until she was certain that his soul had been saved. Hudson later came to tell her that he had made the decision to follow Christ. He went on to become the famous missionary to China that many know of today. This story is encouraging to me, because Hudson’s mother is a wonderful relatable example of how “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).

We may not be able to make our children choose Christ, but we can pray for them until they do!

As I write this, my little girl is just eighteen months old. I’ve already seen her personality begin to emerge as she enters this stage of toddlerhood. I’m sad to see my “baby” start to grow up, though she’s still one in my mind, but excited to see how independent she is becoming. At times, her stubborn, willful attitude amazes and shocks me – I’m not quite sure how to discipline this child, much less disciple her! But mostly, I imagine what an awesome, strong and capable woman of God she will become once she chooses to follow Him. I pray that I will remain faithful and fulfill the part I have been given to play in her life. As mothers we get to shape future men and women for Christ. People who will change the world! I mean, what a blessing it is to be called to motherhood! I pray that these words will challenge you and encourage you in your own journey as you disciple your children. As always, feel free to add your thoughts in the comments below.

I tried to write, but I just couldn’t. The words became a blur on the page rather than something meaningful, and I thought, how could I? How could I write about these things while Christians are being brutally crucified and beheaded in Iraq, women are raped and sold into slavery, children in India are lucky to survive on one meal a day, and here in the US babies are torn apart from their mother’s wombs and left to die. I know of a woman who has been at her husband’s bedside after a fall off a roof for a whole year now, still hoping that he might walk again. I know of another woman who has watched her precious son receive cancer treatment after cancer treatment, only to be told after numerous infections that the tumor has still not shrunk.

I thought about how I’d like to help all of those people. I wished we had more money to give away. I started thinking about what I could do to make extra money to give to those needs. A fundraiser maybe? Anything . . . Then a voice inside spoke to me:

But, you do have money to give away. Weren’t you just talking about how you wanted to spend $150 on massages for your anniversary?

That got me to thinking. We eat out about once a month, spending $20-$30 usually. Sure, that’s not a large amount, but when you think about the little boy who has nothing to eat and how many meals that might provide for him, or how it takes $25 an hour to run a truck to share the truth about abortion, well, a little bit of money could go further than you think! Now, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to get a massage or go out and eat every now and then, just that what I might consider to be a “need,” might in fact really be more of a want. It’s all in how you want to think about things.

You see, God was pleased with the widows’ mite because she gave everything she had. Giving when we have excess is easy. But giving everything we have shows real love.

Think about this for a second. Has your relationship with God ever been characterized by completing a self-composed list of Biblical commands out of obligation? I know mine has. What would happen if we were all really motivated by love, rather than a sense of duty that merely results in trying to get as close to the perceived “line” of disobedience as we can?

How could we ever do enough for the One who has already given his all to save us? Love doesn’t ask, when have I done enough or how close can I get without actually sinning. Love asks, how can I give more?

The point of this post is not to make anyone, including myself, feel bad, nor to impart some nugget of wisdom. The truth is, I don’t know where to go from here. I just know that I’m feeling convicted and I want to change. I don’t want to listen to the word but not do what it says, “like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like” (James 1:23, 24).

What are your thoughts?

Mentioned in this post:

Gospel for Asia - Sponsor a child in India here

PUSH for Lucas Facebook page, Read his story/donate here (little boy fighting cancer)

Samaritan’s Purse - Provide help for displaced Iraqis fleeing the violence

Operation Rescue – Work to end abortion (also run the Truth Trucks); ways you can help

You’ll Need:

1 whole chicken (4-5lbs)

1 large onion

3 garlic cloves

6 TB  sea salt

ground pepper or peppercorns

6 cups of water

What to Do:

There are two approaches to this task: You can start the process either the night before you plan to cook the chicken, or the morning of. I’m going to focus on the chicken-in-a-day process, because honestly, who plans that far ahead? ;)

Oven Roasted Chicken-in-a-Day – The Quick Method

Step 1 – The Brine:

1. Bring a couple cups of water to a boil in a pan (enough to dissolve the salt), and add the salt. Turn off heat and stir until salt is dissolved.

2. Add the rest of the (cold) water to equal 6 cups (add some ice cubes first if you want to speed up the process – you want the water to be cool). Put the chicken in a large bowl or container and pour water over. Ideally the water will completely cover the chicken, so you may need to adjust the amount of salt water needed, depending on how deep your container is. Cover chicken and refrigerate 5-12 hours. Note: I’ve left it for longer than that, so if you do, just keep in mind that your chicken will be much saltier and you will probably want to rinse it before cooking.

Step 2 – The Roast:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

1. Drain the water off the chicken and place it breast side down in your baking dish.

2. Fill cavity with one whole onion and three garlic cloves (skins removed of course). Sprinkle pepper over the bird, or add a few peppercorns. (Note to Self: Make sure the peppercorns land on the chicken and not on the floor, or your 9 1/2 month old may try to eat them.) Turn the bird back over so the breast is facing up and pepper that side too.

3. Bake for one hour and check to be sure the skin isn’t getting too brown. You can turn the bird over if you choose (or need to), but I usually don’t bother. Continue roasting another 30 t0 45 min., checking to be sure the internal temp reaches 165 before removing it and allowing the meat to “rest.” Enjoy!

Before I tried a Lilla Rose flexi clip, I had convinced myself of several reasons why I would never buy one. They are the same reasons I wouldn’t normally buy a hair product that costs more than a few dollars.

1. I’m too frugal. The most expensive hair product I’ve ever bought, and this was maybe two times in my life, were a pair of hair sticks from Claire’s. They were not worth it because of reason #2.
2. I’ve broken most of my hair products, mostly because my hair is so thick.
3. Hair clips are uncomfortable and ponytail holders just fall out.
4. I’m too practical. I mean, most of the time I don’t wear jewelry or even put on make-up, so why would I put my hair in a fancy hair style with a dressy clip? At least not on a daily basis. (Not that there’s anything wrong with doing that. I just like to keep things simple.)

I had never heard of Lilla Rose until a friend started selling these things called “flexi clips,” which are supposed to work in any type of hair. I thought they sounded too good to be true. But she has several daughters with long hair similar to mine, so I thought maybe she knows what she’s talking about. When another friend of mine started wearing thstrong, I got really curious. Again, being practical, I still didn’t want to buy one before I could try it first. So I entered one of her giveaways, you know, just in case I got lucky.

Well, guess what? I won a medium flexi of the month, and waited eagerly for it to arrive since I had just broken my last hair clip and was tired of my ponytail holders constantly falling out or getting caught in my hair. When I tried the flexi, I couldn’t believe it – this clip actually stayed where I put it. It was . . . . actually comfortable. I could put it in my hair in the morning, and completely forget it was there until time for bed. It was even pretty. (To my surprise, there are plenty of styles to choose from that are not too fancy for me.) And it really wasn’t complicated at all – it’s very easy to use for the simple hair styles I’m used to, like a ponytail, bun, or half-up.

Oh yeah. Did I mention that I can’t break a flexi? I’ve bent mine every which way, and so far it still looks great. I’m also very klutzy, so if anyone should be able to break one, it would have to be me.

So do I think these are worth the price after all? Absolutely! I can’t tell you how much money I’ve wasted over the years on inferior products. Or time I’ve wasted re-adjusting my hair constantly. (You know what they say – time is money.) Or hair I’ve lost. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to pay more for healthier hair and a head that doesn’t hurt!

Well, I am not a salesperson, but after wearing one for a while (okay, who are we kidding, it only took a few days), I started getting this crazy notion that maybe I would like to become a consultant. I just really love these things and want others to have a hair product that actually works too. When I share about the flexi and someone wants to buy, they might as well buy from me, right? Just smile and nod. ;)

(Here’s my link should you decide to look around: www.lillarose.biz/melodybrewer. Anytime you shop through one of my affiliate links, I get a little bit of the sales at no extra cost to you. Thanks for your support of this blog!)