"Life" is a Noun

Today's Noun - Atheists

2009-05-20T23:54:00.003-04:00

a⋅the⋅ist [ey-thee-ist)

–noun
a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.
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I do not resent the atheist position, I am glad it's there. Humans will always need the questioners. They are simply looking for the evidence that helps them be sure. I only wish they would soften their requirements just a tad.

I feel the same way about those believers who are overly thumping - not only their sacred books, but peoples ears, as if they are doing "sinners" a favor by being donkeys. It's ludicrous. If they too would soften, just a tad. . then both schools of thought might be able to come together, and eventually find out the final truth. Whatever that truth may turn out to be. . I am absolutely convinced this is what must take place before humans can move on to the next level.

If I am right, and there is a G-d, then surely that kind of love for one another is what G-d must be waiting for us to learn. If we actually pulled it off, who knows how the world would change, and how G-d would then be able to reveal himself with evidence offered and understood more readily because minds and hearts are open. One cannot love with a closed heart, or a closed mind.

If atheists are right, then I dare anyone to think of a better way to live than with that kind of love for one another. Humans have never lived in such a manner, and we have a hard time even picturing what it would be like. But every one of us wants it, no matter how fervently they want to tell themselves otherwise. It is one thing we all have in common, this desire for love, and even the animals and nature of this realm desire it.

Can evidence exist in the lives of believers, for the atheists to see? Can evidence exist in the heart of a non-believer, for beievers to see? The bottom line is, we don't know until we are brave enough to LOOK. If everyone is so stiff necked and certain of their own thoughts, no one will overcome that fear of looking.

It would be the greatest failure of mankind if we just were too scared to look. .Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy. Right now atheists and theists are so busy acting like an old married couple arguing about who's right, they can't even hear one another. We're going to have to call some kind of truce and start over.

Today's Noun - Presence

2009-05-01T23:00:00.003-04:00

pres⋅ence /ˈprɛzəns/ [prez-uhns]

-noun
1. the state or fact of being present, as with others or in a place.
2. attendance or company: Your presence is requested.
3. immediate vicinity; proximity: in the presence of witnesses.
4. the military or economic power of a country as reflected abroad by the stationing of its troops, sale of its goods, etc.: the American military presence in Europe; the Japanese presence in the U.S. consumer market.
5. Chiefly British. the immediate personal vicinity of a great personage giving audience or reception: summoned to her presence.
6. the ability to project a sense of ease, poise, or self-assurance, esp. the quality or manner of a person's bearing before an audience: The speaker had a good deal of stage presence.
7. personal appearance or bearing, esp. of a dignified or imposing kind: a man of fine presence.
8. a person, esp. of noteworthy appearance or compelling personality: He is a real presence, even at a private party.
9. a divine or supernatural spirit felt to be present: He felt a presence with him in the room.

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What a wonderful word. Presence. I am so feeling it right now.

It's been over a year since I've had a presence on this blog. I did not abandon it. I never will. But, I could not have a presence here for that time due to, simply put, life.

I find it so amazing that my last blog entry was about purpose. I just re-read it for the first time since it was posted.

Here is the last paragraph of that post . . .

So, the choice before me is, fulfill my purpose or not be alone. This is black and white. The grey has already been explored, and there are no answers there. It's one way, or the other, apparently. The nuances of that choice boil down to the rhetorical . . . do I please G-d, or do I please people. . . Do I continue to accept my purpose and continue to fulfill it, or do I listen to others and give in to what they say I should do, which would make them very happy.

Decisions, decisions.

It was right after this very post that I made my choice, and seemingly, lost my presence. From before that time until about two months ago I was in a limbo, of sorts. It was as if my perspective was not at all important to the work of some *other* presence within the depths of what I called my life. I sometimes felt as if I was hanging on a coat hook, attempting to get down - flailing my arms and legs wildly, but with conviction. Then, fall exhausted against the wall and feel that hook becoming a part of my very being. There was absolutely no way out of the circumstances . . . I had to live them. I had no presence of my own - none was necessary. That other presence was in control, and I and my coat hook were not. It was scary as hell.

My decision was to continue to follow my purpose in this life, and not follow other people. It is much more important to me to know I am following G-d's will for my life than the will of another. What I really need to think through is . . . why? I don't know why that's more important to me, but it is.

That choice totally changed my entire life. I am a different person now. A different presence. Better. Stronger. Kinder. Tougher. More spiritually aware.

I've had a lot of losses through all of this, but I don't care about that because my mind works again. I find that to be so phenomenal, and boy, is it great to be back to being me. For several years my mind had been clouded by. . . by a presence. It began to take over, and postulated it's right and intelligence to do so consistently. At the most foundational part of the whole situation, there really was no choice. So I put into action what I knew was required of me. My clarity of mind has returned because it is no longer overshadowed.

It's amazing what divorcing an abuser will do for you.

Let me share something with you. Do not be afraid of losing your presence as it is right now. When your mind returns to you, you will see that you are truly a glowing new creation with the same essence, but an entirely new presence.

“The person who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world, will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend or thing that offers him refuge and comfort and encourages their old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the difficulty and pass courageously through it. Only to the extent that a person exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found within them. In this daring lies dignity and the spirit of true awakening.” – Zen teacher Kalfried von Durkheim

2009-04-07T15:47:00.001-04:00

Just added Ping.fm

Today's Noun - Purpose

2008-02-27T08:20:00.005-05:00

pur·pose /ˈpɜrpəs/
–noun
1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
3. determination; resoluteness.
4. the subject in hand; the point at issue.
5. practical result, effect, or advantage: to act to good purpose.

[Origin: 1250–1300; (n.) ME purpos < OF, deriv. of purposer, var. of proposer to propose; (v.) ME purposen < AF, OF purposer]

—Synonyms 1. object, point, rationale. See intention. 7. mean, contemplate, plan.

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We all have purpose in life. Purpose varies from person to person. And, we all have more than one purpose, I dare say.

Today, I'm going to concentrate on just one of mine. The most obvious.

There are many times in my daily life that I have the unshakeable feeling and understanding that the purpose for which I was put on this earth was to call attention to all the lumps under the carpet that people trip over and do nothing about.

Since I was a very young child I've always been the one pointing at the 500 pound gorilla in the room, saying, . . . "Don't you think we ought to get him outta here? He's making us miserable, and no one seems to notice." . . . while everyone else was shhhhh-ushing me, or ignoring me too, and then pulling the proverbial carpet over the gorilla, turning, and saying in response - "What gorilla? There's no gorilla!"

My entire childhood just about the only time I was in trouble was when I spoke openly about things. My poor mother had a real job on her hands trying to teach me about being socially appropriate. Some of it got through my stubborn head. But it's still like I'm *required* to say the things other people won't say. I just have to say, "Ummm. . . that gorilla is just hiding under the carpet. . . hello?"

It amazes me that most of the time, people do choose the lumpy zoo over facing the gorilla head on.

With those who are not in my immediate circle it's pretty easy to let them choose to live there. It's really no skin off my nose, and if they can live with it I can live beside it. With those IN my immedate circle, it's much much harder. When they choose to live with lumps to trip over, and gorilla poop left to smell - or for me to clean up - it's much much harder to deal with. Apparently those who ignore the smell don't understand (or don't care) that I can still smell it, and they are not at all happy about my complaining and holding my nose. I'm not exactly clear on what that does to them in full, but I have a pretty good idea because whether they realize it or not, I *have* heard them.

This "requirement" of purpose causes others to "see" me as arrogant, think I think I know it all, think I think I'm better, smarter, or wiser than them. I don't, but that's how they see it, regardless. Eventually they put me out of their lives. I can understand why. This aspect of my purpose makes me very hard to live with. I can fully understand that. It's GOT to be tough, really tough, to be around someone who is pointing out things they'd rather avoid. I can only imagine what it must have been like for my older children, and now my seven year old, with me as a parent. And, it's one of the main reasons I'm getting divorced - my soon-to-be-ex spouse can not deal any longer with my need to NOT have any lumps to trip over or poop to clean up. I can't blame him. I want him to go and be happy in the way that he is comfortable, and that's obviously better for him.

The people who can handle me and my given purpose are few and far between. The few I've found are those who are sick of walking on lumps and cleaning up gorilla poop themselves. They do support me in my purpose as much as they can. I'm grateful.

It's also painfully obvious to me that they are people who don't have to deal with me on a day to day basis. Is the inevitable saying that I am destined to be alone? That I SHOULD be alone? That if I am to fulfill the purpose I feel G-d has given me, I have to do it without support from someone with skin beside me every day?

I have to analyze everything down to the atomic level(Gawd, I know that must be so annoying to others) as that is an element of this "purpose" I have been given. But how does one fulfill their purpose in life, do what they feel is their G-d given purpose in life, and not rub other people the wrong way? My only conclusion is, I can't. I've tried every way possible time and time again.

So, the choice before me is, fulfill my purpose or not be alone. This is black and white. The grey has already been explored, and there are no answers there. It's one way, or the other, apparently. The nuances of that choice boil down to the rhetorical . . . do I please G-d, or do I please people. . . Do I continue to accept my purpose and continue to fulfill it, or do I listen to others and give in to what they say I should do, which would make them very happy.

Decisions, decisions.

Today's Noun - Lesson

2008-02-12T23:14:00.002-05:00

les·son /ˈlɛsən/
–noun
1. a section into which a course of study is divided, esp. a single, continuous session of formal instruction in a subject:
2. a part of a book, an exercise, etc., that is assigned to a student for study:
3. something to be learned or studied: the lessons of the past.
4. a useful piece of practical wisdom acquired by experience or study:
5. something from which a person learns or should learn; an instructive example:
6. a reproof or punishment intended to teach one better ways.
7. a portion of Scripture or other sacred writing read or appointed to be read at a divine service; lection; pericope.

[Origin: 1175–1225; ME lesso(u)n < OF leçon < L léctiōn- (s. of léctiō)

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When I was about seven years old my father came home from work around 6:00 PM on a Friday night and announced that we were moving to Wyoming, and we needed to be there by Monday morning. This was nothing new. Dad was in the mining and tunnel construction business, so we moved about every 6-18 months. My mother was the queen of picking up our entire household, moving it across country, and putting it all back together in a weekend.

All of us kids knew the drill. None of us even spoke. We all just stood up, went to our rooms, pulled the boxes and suitcases out from underneath our beds, and began packing our personal things. Mother began packing the kitchen, and after my sister and I were finished with our items we went to our parent's room and began packing their things. My three brothers were in charge of gathering and packing things like tools and the garden hose, then were commissioned to start packing the trunk of our huge car as my sister and I carried boxes to them. Everyone was well aware of their jobs, and it worked like a well oiled machine every time. This particular time, our house was totally packed up by midnight. We all slept in sleeping bags, which, in the morning were put on top of the car (on the bed frames and mattresses) and all seven of us piled into the car once again - this time for a two day drive from Alabama to Wyoming.

This particular trip was memorable to me because I was in charge of reading speed limit signs. This was the first time I'd been given a job DURING the actual road trip - just like my four older siblings. I felt as if I was, at last, important to the family. In my mind, I was very grown up. In addition to that important duty, I was also told that it was my job to watch for billboards that advertised gas stations. This part of my "job" was excruciating! I remember asking time after time . . . "Do we need gas yet, Dad?" Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity to me, we did need gasoline and I was to find us a place to purchase it.

I diligently started reading every billboard. For miles I was disappointed. I began to fear I had missed one. I worried we would run out of gas. I was a perfectionist even then, and was so worried I began to get nauseated. But I did not want to appear unworthy to my family, and sweated it out silently. Finally, I spyed a sign for Stuckey's!! (Remember Stuckey's? =) As was our custom, my family literally applauded when I loudly announced we had two miles to go before reaching the gas station. (My father was not one to stop often, and the seven of us had been packed in the car for a solid four hours.)

We all piled out of the car and everyone but me and Dad headed for the restrooms. I was quiet as Dad instructed the gas station attendant to "Fill 'er up with Ethel!" The attendant set the nozzle in the tank, turned on the pump with a crank, and began to clean the windshield while making small talk with my Dad. I watched as Dad pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket that was about four inches in diameter to pay the attendant. I was mezmerized!! How much money could that be? Dad broke my gaze as I stared at it by telling me to go inside and "Do what you need to do."

I obeyed immediately. On my way to the back of Stuckey's where the restrooms were, a beautiful horse figurine caught my eye. It called to me! I looked around cautiously for any of my family members, realized that they were using the restrooms and I would have to wait anyway, then decided it wouldn't hurt to go have a closer look at the beautiful figurine. I dared not pick it up, for fear of dropping it, but I gently ran my fingers over the mane and tail, and the muscular features of it - marveling at the detail of it.

Instead of going on back to the restrooms, I went back outside and approached my dad. "Dad? Do you think I did a good job with my road duties?"

"Yes, you did. But you have to keep doing it. I need your help." He said flatly.

"I will." I promised. I took a deep breath and asked, "Daddy? Can I please have some money to buy a horse I saw inside? It would be great for my collection."

"I don't know. CAN you?"

"MAY I?"

"No, you may not. I don't have the money right now."

I was crushed. I felt betrayed. I just knew had been LIED to!! I had *just* seen that wad of bills my Dad had in his pocket. I knew he had money!!! But I never said a word, went inside and used the restroom, then piled back into the car when everyone else did.

For years I continued to think my father betrayed and lied to me. That is, until I was a teenager. I got my first job, and my first car - complete with car payments, insurance, and gasoline to pay for - when I was sixteen. One day, after cashing my paycheck, I realized I would not have enough money to pay my car payment, pay the insurance, buy gasoline, buy my lunch all week, AND go to the football game on Friday night.

My niece, Sharon, was with me at the time. After we had gone to the bank she asked, "Aunt Beth? Can we go to McDonalds for lunch?"

"No, Sharon, we can't go this time. I don't have the money."

"But . . ." whined my six year old niece ". . . You just went to the bank!! They gave you money!!"

Boy. It hit me like a lead balloon.

I dropped my niece off at her house, went home, and promptly apologized to my Dad.

Today's Noun - Direction

2008-02-08T08:19:00.000-05:00

di·rec·tion /dɪˈrɛkʃən, ˈdaɪ-/ [di-rek-shuhn, dahy-]
–noun
1. the act or an instance of directing.
2. the line along which anything lies, faces, moves, etc., with reference to the point or region toward which it is directed: The storm moved in a northerly direction.
3. the point or region itself: The direction is north.
4. a position on a line extending from a specific point toward a point of the compass or toward the nadir or the zenith.
5. a line of thought or action or a tendency or inclination: the direction of contemporary thought.
6. Usually, directions. instruction or guidance for making, using, etc.: directions for baking a cake.
7. order; command.
8. management; control; guidance; supervision: a company under good direction.

[Origin: 1375–1425; late ME direccioun (< MF) < L dīréctiōn- (s. of dīréctiō) arranging in line, straightening.

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I remember being lost in Washington DC. My father pulled to the curb and asked a stranger for directions. The man gave elaborate guidance . . . "Go to the light, make a left, go three more lights, take another left, ... " ETC. My mother took short-hand like notes, feverishly trying to keep up. The man spoke for almost two minutes, which is a pretty long time. Finally he took a breath and said quite matter of factly . . . "When you get to that point, you just have to FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!". . . and literally ran away laughing as hard as he could and holding his stomach.

Sometimes, like today, I feel like God has done the same thing to me. Sent me on a wild goose chase, and convinced me He was sincere, but in the end it's like some big cosmic joke.

The directions I'm receiving right now are not making sense. (Not that they ever really did, mind you, but I have faith.) I'm at the point now where God is more like the brainless scarecrow - telling me that all directions are "nice." I am confused by it all. For years I have been doing exactly what I felt God would have me do. Following the directions to the utmost detail. And yet, here I am, between Munchkin Land and Oz.

It's not like I've never questioned the directions - I uaually do ask . . . "Are you SURE that's the way I should go? It sounds like you're taking me the long way around." I was always assured that's the direction I was supposed to take. So, that's the way I went. More often than not, I found that I was supposed to go that way because of others, but sometimes it was so I could learn something for myself. But I'll tell you, sometimes it's just not worth the trip.

If I ever get to the Emerald City, and God is nothing more than a manipulative control freak, I'm going to be spending eternity in the wicked witch's dungeon with the flying monkeys, because I'm going to be PISSED - and the whole of the cosmos will know it!!

It's not like I want to go back to Kansas. Things weren't all that great in Kansas. I mean - there was that tornado, and the bitchy spinster, let's not forget the pig pen, and everything there is so . . . colorless. No. Kansas is not where I want to be. I've been to Kansas and it's no promised land. I'll take my chances with the flying monkeys, thanks.

So, what choice do I have but to keep following the yellow brick road in my ruby slippers that certainly don't match my blue gingham dress? And....do I *HAVE* to take the Cowardly Lion with me? He's driving me to the brink of insanity.

I tried the three clicks thing already - it doesn't work.

I just want to go home.

Today's Noun - Confusion

2008-02-07T12:50:00.000-05:00

con·fu·sion /kənˈfyuʒən/ [kuhn-fyoo-zhuhn]
–noun
1. the act of confusing.
2. the state of being confused.
3. disorder; upheaval; tumult; chaos:
4. lack of clearness or distinctness:
5. perplexity; bewilderment:
6. embarrassment or abashment: He blushed in confusion.
7. Psychiatry. a disturbed mental state; disorientation.
8. Archaic. defeat, overthrow, or ruin.

[Origin: 1300–50; ME (< AF) < L confūsiōn- (s. of confūsiō).

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Today, it's #2, #3, #4, and #5.

'Nuff said??

Yeah. I think so. I don't want to say anything stupid.

Today's Noun - Post-It

2008-01-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

Post-it [pohst-it]
Trademark.
1. a small notepad with an adhesive strip on the back of each sheet that allows it to stick to smooth surfaces and be repositioned with ease.
2. a sheet from such a pad.

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Why is it I have my best ideas when I'm behind the wheel of a car or in the shower - when I can't jot down the ideas?

When I was driving to work around noon today, I had a whole half hour to think without any interruptions. (Well, except driving, of course.) I came up with at least four things to blog about - complete with some clever ideas as to how to present them. I even told myself . . ."I am going to remember these."

Famous last words.

I got inside my workplace and was reaching for the post-it notes to write down the ideas. Just then, the phone rang. I used the post-it's for taking a phone message, and put the written message in the cubby of the proper person. I excitedly reached for the post-it's - at this point I still had all the ideas in my memory.

I sat down, rolled up to the desk, picked up my pen, and positioned the post-its at the correct angle to begin writing down my ideas. A rapp rap rappppp invaded my thoughts. I rolled away from the desk and answered the door with the post-it's in my hand - I was determined not to forget. It was one of my clients coming to greet me and show me the model car he's working on. When we were finished talking I again sat down to write down the ideas.

At this point a co-worker comes into the office (they have keys, so I didn't have to get up this time at least) and starts doing what we call "changeover." This is important information that I need to have to opperate properly, so I used the post-it's to jot down changeover information - one post-it for each individual piece of info.

By then I needed to check my email because it was time to give meds, and I always check to see if there are any med changes or any pertinant information I need regarding a particular client before I start interacting with the clients themselves. I kept the post-it's in my hand to jot down anything of use. As usual, I wrote down about a dozen pieces of important information regarding various clients.

I passed meds, directed all eight clients as to the next thing on their agenda, and made sure they were following through. The other staff on duty were supervising them. This was my chance!! I couldn't remember all four things I had in mind while in the car, but I still had three of them!! I was confident that once I started writing them down the fourth one would return to my brain.

I didn't go to my desk this time - I went into the kitchen! (I was afraid of the phone, and the door, by this point.) I stood behind the kitchen door so only the surveillance cameras could see me. I put the dwindling pad of post-it's up against the refridgerator and JUST as my pen touched the paper, I feel the door knob hit me in the butt and a young voice calling my name. The thought in my head was a very loud . . . "Damnit!!". . . as the pen scrawled ink in a most uncomely manner up and off the post-it pad . . . onto the refridgerator door. (Plus, that door knob HURT!) I dealt with the mini-crisis of my client, redirected them, and then went to the cleaning closet to get some cleaner - I had to get the ink off the refridgerator - but I never put down the post-it's.

I'm nothing if not a stubborn and determined wench. After scrubbing ink off the fridge, I checked the cameras . . . everyone was in place and doing what they were supposed to be doing. This time I went into the staff bathroom and shut the door. Surely I could take just a couple minutes to record my ideas, plus, I was even more afraid of doors by now and thought no one would bother me in there. I leaned over the counter and managed to write . . .

Blog Ideas!

1) wea

. . . when that annoying buzzer that tells us someone is moving around outside the building went off. None of the other staff could leave the clients unsupervised to check out the alarm, so I knew my bathroom hiding time was done. I grabbed my coat and picked up the post-it's simultaneously. I turned off the alarm, scanned the cameras counting heads to make sure none of the clients had gone outside, and then went outside myself to investigate. I opened the door to go outside and saw a squirrel scurry across the lawn, and I knew that was my culprit, but I walked around the building just to be sure. I found nothing to be suspicious of so I go back to the door and find - I had my post-it's, but NOT my keys.

I rang the doorbell and waited. If I'd *also* picked up my pen, I'd have had time to finish that word I started. The clients can not be left unsupervised at any time, so it took a while for one of the staff to get to the door - with four clients in tow - to let me in. My cheeks were crimson from embarassment, not from the cold, but at least I had my post-it's, and still TWO ideas left in my brain.

By now it was snack time. After that, time to lead a group. Then time to do some individual therapy, and of course, dinner. Then, yet another group. All this time there was one client (the one who hit me in the butt with the door knob) who was not particularly on his game today, so he required much individual attention.

Seven hours into my work day, I'm still carrying the post-it's in my hand, but only one of the ideas in my head. I decided to go outside for my first smoke break of the day. Post-it's, pen, AND keys in hand, I go outside, hide around the back of the house, light up, and lean against the building to write down the one lonely idea I had left. That blessed little squirrel ran in front of me and gave me a start.

For the life of me, I could not remember what I was going to write down. Damn squirrel!!

And now, home and in front of my computer, I can't even figure out the word I started writing on that lime green post-it note.

Today's Noun - Faliure

2008-01-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

fail·ure /ˈfeɪlyər/ [feyl-yer]
–noun
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.

I have failed at my previously proposed ventures. I wanted, and attempted, to take the high road. I don't know exactly where things went wrong.

Now I have to make a new plan.

Today's Noun - Beginning

2007-12-29T17:29:00.000-05:00

be·gin·ning /bɪˈgɪnɪŋ/[bi-gin-ing]
–noun
1. an act or circumstance of entering upon an action or state
2. the point of time or space at which anything begins:
3. the first part:
4. Often, beginnings. the initial stage or part of anything
5. origin; source; first cause:
6. just formed: a beginning company.

[Origin: 1175–1225; ME beginnung, -ing. See begin, -ing1]

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Few, if any at all, are going to understand what is written here, besides me. But glean what you can, and welcome to the recesses of my mind. =)

At this time of year all of us come to an ending and a beginning. Humans tend to shed their proverbial "old skins" - like a snake - at times like this and encouage new growth in themselves. It's the natural way of things.

I'm into growth. It is my understanding (viewpoint?) that the purpose of humanity is to grow and evolve into something that it is not - yet. I feel a huge responsibility to do my personal part in that. We're all connected. If I don't do my part, someone else has to do it, and I become the burdensome one who retards everyone elses growth. I refuse to let that happen if I can do anything about it. I want to be ALL about growth.

Loving the learning, hating the process
In 2007 I have experienced the growth process of endings. I've spent much of the year dealing with grief. Losses of all types - People, places, things, a job I loved and was damn good at, relationships - serious ones and minimal ones, hopes, dreams. This has been the greatest catalyst for *other* types growth this year.

"Ain't THAT amazin' - Gracie?"
In 2007 I have experienced the growth process of beginnings. What I actually saw as I looked closely at those seeming beginnings, was that they are not! The truth is they are simply continuations or a rediscovering of things that were laying dormant, waiting to be focused on. Waiting to become useful again. Things that, apparently, I wasn't finished "growing" through, so they present themseves again - to be nurtured and fed to maturation.

~!Whew!~ Missed THAT catastrophe by the skin of my teeth!
In 2007 there has been *phenomenal* growth process in clarification ability. It's rising like the Phoenix out of the ashes. I have learned, through grief, that death is necessary for growth to take place - again, it is the nature of things. Pruning is painful, but produces lovely blooms. If I had stayed in a previous lifestyle, this clarification would not have taken place. I'd have stayed under the thumb of stagnation, and molded there. Fate did me a huge favor. I'm humbly grateful.

The Borg Factor
In 2007 there have been changes *to* my life that I had no control over. The result of this has been a solidifying of my resolve. (Translation - It made me even more stubborn) From this point forward my resolve is to be as proactive as possible. I won't fight unless I have to, but I'm prepared in any event.

So, this is your only warning, you dirty control freaks of the Borg Collective. All of you. Assimilation is NOT an option - You won't take me without a fight. Don't tempt me to upload a virus that will destroy all your circuits with the mere push of a button. Don't underestimate me because of my graceful demenor and blonde hair - I'm not weak, I am motivated. Inside this chest beats the heart of a Lioness, the supressed wrath of a woman scorned, and the spirit of Ghengis Kahn. I have no qualms about killing anything that threatens my den. It's time for YOU to learn that change is inevitable and resistance is futile. You've bullied everyone long enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~

This little review has shown me I haven't been living with nothing to show for it. That's just REALLY good news, to me.

Now . . . where's the champagne?

Today's Noun - Hope

2007-12-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

hope /hoʊp/ hohp] hoped, hop·ing.
–noun 1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: 2. a particular instance of this feeling: 3. grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: 4. a person or thing in which expectations are centered: 5. something that is hoped for: 6. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. 7. to believe, desire, or trust: 8. to feel that something desired may happen: 9. Archaic. to place trust; rely 10. hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it:

[Origin: bef. 900; (n.) ME; OE hopa; c. D hoop, G Hoffe; (v.) ME hopen, OE hopian]

~*~*~*~*~*~

It occurs to me today that it takes a lot of courage to be hopeful. One has to walk into hope with the knowledge that hope is just a dream, yet, with hope that dreams do come true. What a dichotomy!!

We often have no hope at all that a certain desire may be fulfilled. So much so that we discard the desire as a dream that died and went to hell, and turn to a journey where we actively work for someone else's desires to be fulfilled. As we travel the road of fulfilling the hopes of another, our own hope peeks out from around the corner then darts back out of sight as soon as we turn to look at it - taking it's essense with it. (Wait a second! I sent that hope to burn in hell!!) Then, it begins to get more bold, and stay just long enough for us to begin to recognize it's face. It essence invades you, almost against your own will, to make a real change in your life.

You begin to question. . . Do I dare to hope? Do I dare take the chance? Do I have "reasonable confidence" (as is expressed in the definition above) that this can morph from being dead and in hell into livable reality? I can't go through much more pain, unless the pain actually produces some positive results. Is this a *real* hope, or only real because I secretly hope for it to be so?

Hope is just a . . . thing. But what courage it takes to dare to accept it.

Today, I start a new journey. One of hope for myself, not for another another this time. I choose to be brave. I choose to hope. I choose to rescue it from the hell to which I, personally, banished it - come what may.

Where is my shovel?

Today's Noun - Farewell

2007-12-15T18:05:00.000-05:00

fare·well /ˌfɛərˈwɛl/ [fair-wel]
–interjection
1.
goodby; may you fare well: Farewell, and may we meet again in happier times. –noun
2.
an expression of good wishes at parting
3.
leave-taking; departure: a fond farewell.

[Origin: 1325–75; ME farwel. See fare, well1]

In light of the excellent news that I will be starting a new job on January 2, I was able to turn in my notice at the college bookstore. Today was my last day. Since it was a temp position, a longer notice was not called for. (And boy, am I glad!) I am going to take a couple of weeks off to enjoy the holidays, spend time with my family, and mentally prepare myself for the new job.

Everyone knew it was my last day fifteen minutes after I got there and informed the baby-talking manager. Ironically, everyone was much more friendly toward me today than they ever had been before. Many asked questions about the new job, and what it was like to work under such conditions. Several started telling me about the mental illnesses in their family. A couple asked my advice about what to do with their own teenagers. Isn't it interesting how people change once they find out things about you? They (save one) were not interested in my life before, nor even interested in being friendly as co-workers, but once they found out I was leaving and why, their tunes changed.

There are (well, were!) five temps working at the bookstore right now. The manager let all of us go a while early today because we just were not very busy. I had gone to the storage room to get my coat and say my goodbye's. As I made my way back up to the front to leave I spoke to each person, giving them good wishes for the holidays. I felt almost a sadness. It was quite strange, because I really hated this job. I did not expect to feel anything but joy as I left. But alas, I was wrong. It was clear that the others were feeling the finality of things as well. It showed in their eyes and in their body language.

When I'm in front of virtual strangers and don't want to show my feelings, I tend to resort to joking around. I searched my brain for an idea of how to help all of us feel better. They were all standing at the counter - staring at me with goofy grins on their faces - and I was in front of the counter - and I don't have a clue what my expression was.

Then it hit me.

I clicked my heals together three times, and said . . . "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

They all laughed.

Then I rushed over to the Mr. Thrifty display that a co-temp and I put up last week. I grabbed up the skelleton, wiped a faux tear from my eye, and said . . . "I think I shall miss you most of all."

They all laughed even harder.

I then walked out the door (and the inevitable "dong without the ding" resounded in my ear for the last time), saying . . . "Come on Toto. We're going HOME!" . . . while motioning for an invisible dog to jump into my arms.

As I turned to wave as Dorothy would, I saw them holding their stomachs and pointing at me, and laughing harder than ever.

I didn't feel sad anymore. =)

Bonus Noun - Question

2007-12-11T11:31:00.000-05:00

ques·tion /ˈkwɛstʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kwes-chuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1.
a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.
2.
a problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.
3.
a matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem (usually fol. by of): It was simply a question of time.
4.
a subject of dispute or controversy.
5.
a proposal to be debated or voted on, as in a meeting or a deliberative assembly.

[Origin: 1250–1300; (n.) ME questio(u)n, questiun < style="FONT-VARIANT: small-caps" href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=-tion" minmax_bound="true">-tion; (v.) late ME < MF questioner, deriv. of the n.]

In our {American} culture questions are often used as a way to convey judgemental opinions, be sarcastic, and be condescending. I really despise this particular aspect of our culture because it causes me problems.

I'm a question asker. Some don't understand that, for the most part, my questions are just that - questions. Inquiry. An attempt to disover, uncover, discern, acertain, hear, perceive, and learn. BUT . . . I see that *sometimes* I do use questions as a coping mechinism to convey my true inner feelings. At times, with some, it seems safer to covey a feeling in the form of a question rather than just laying a wounded bleeding heart out there to be further pummeled. This is part of the problem, and indeed something I need to change. I need to stop doing that. Now.

I already know why it happens that some misunderstand. I fully "get" that it's not what you say, but how you say it. Understanding something doesn't mean one has mastery over it 24/7/365, however. Especially me. I'm a very blunt spoken person - the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I'm trying as hard as I can to learn to communicate that I am really seeking the answers, not being a b*tch. I often do this with disclaimers. But some don't want to hear the disclaimers, and tell me to "get on with it" even though I'm not being pedantic. So, the problem remains.

One aspect of this I see causing a communication problem for me is . . . I'm passionate. About almost everything. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing right. To do it right, I have to have information. I am sure my passion comes across the same way my questions do. Differently than I intend, and as if I'm judging, being condescending, or that I'm right and they are wrong. The problem is, it all looks the same to some people who do not have the perspective in the moment to discern when I'm when I'm simply being passionate.

Yet another aspect of all this I see - in my vocation I am required to be this blunt spoken, passionate, kind of person. It's imparitive to the success of my work. The fact that I'm the type of person I am is exactly what makes me very successful in this work, and has served me well 99.9% of the time!! In order to contnue being successful, I have to keep these skills honed and sharp. I "am" my work, and my work is "me." Whether that work is as a mother, a friend, as a daughter, a spouse, or in my vocation - I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam. =)

In order to communicate with some I'm taking the responsibility to change, not "expecting" another to do any changing - that's just not going to happen in this lifetime. There are some who just cannot accept this aspect of who I am. I'm putting in the effort to learn how to convey accurately to these who don't accept my ways. I just don't know how to change such a core part of myself and do it differently. But I have to. If I can't learn, and quickly, some things are going to happen to my child that I do not want to happen.

Today's Noun - FUN

2007-12-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

fun /fʌn/ [fuhn]
–noun
1.
something that provides mirth or amusement
2.
enjoyment or playfulness
3.
Informal. joke; kid. –adjective
4.
Informal. of or pertaining to fun, esp. to social fun: a fun thing to do; really a fun person.
5.
Informal. whimsical: flamboyant: The fashions this year are definitely on the fun side. —Idioms
6.
for or in fun, as a joke; not seriously; playfully: His insults were only in fun.

[Origin: 1675–85; dial. var. of obs. fon to befool. See fond1]

I am looking for a permanent employment postion in my chosen vocation, but that's a bit hard to come by - I have a highly specialized vocation. I do have an intervew tomorrow morning that I'm excited about though! In the interim I am working at a temp position in the bookstore at a college.

The bookstore is quite typical, as college bookstores go. Lots of hoodies and nick-nacks in school colors, and the school logo plastered everywhere. The windows have been decorated with strategically placed hand-cut paper snowflakes. Just near the door there is a Christmas tree on a counter - complete with green and white {school colored!} lights - and a huge mother-of-pearl white star on top with . . the school logo, in school colors.

The television that hangs precariously over a wheeled table displaying cheap blankets (sporting the school logo in school colors) is constantly showing the same loop of school propaganda, every ad also sporting the school logo in school colors, WHILE playing the school fight song. . . . over and over. And over. Ad nauseum.

Every time someone enters the store an "Avon Calling" bell rings. When someone leaves, all you hear is half of the same familiar tone - the last half. The "dong without the ding" is a bit disconcerting, let me tell you! What is up with that? "Avon Leaving" perhaps? I suppose I should count my blessings - it could play the school fight song with a strobe light in school colors flashing to the tempo.

My new friend R. and I created a display of "Mr. Thrifty" today. Mr. Thrifty is a skeleton. For a mere $67 (that's a "thrifty" price, eh Mr?) one can purchase the entire plastic skeleton on a hook. So, we put him at the logical beginning of the display, with signage [in school colors with the school logo] saying . . . "Mr. Thrify needs only $67 +Tax of love to be whole again".

Next, we placed three models of Mr. Thrifty's skull.

The first sign [under the first model] says . . .
"Every Woman's Dream - Mr. Thrify! No Removeable Parts: $27 +Tax."

The second sign [under the second model] says . . .
"More Realistic Mr. Thrifty! No Brain; Easily Removeable Head! $32 +Tax".

The third sign [under the third model] says . . .
"Mr. Thrifty - with brain and removeable parts; PRICELESS!!
(but to get the best you gotta PAY!! - - - $37 +Tax)"

After the display was finished we observed several students laughing at the signs. It made our day. =)

Today's Noun[s] - Boundary or Frontier?

2007-12-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

bound·a·ry /ˈbaʊndəri, -dri/ Pronunciation [boun-duh-ree, -dree]
–noun, plural -ries.
1.
something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.
2.
Also called frontier - Mathematics. the collection of all points of a given set having the property that every neighborhood of each point contains points in the set and in the complement of the set.
3.
Cricket. a hit in which the ball reaches or crosses the boundary line of the field on one or more bounces, counting four runs for the batsman.
[Origin: 1620–30]

In our use of language we all-to-often think of a word as meaning one thing. Very rarely is this a reality as the overwhelming majority of words have more than one meaning - especially in the English language. However, we all continue opperate under our own personal understanding of the meaning of the word. This understanding comes from many other aspects - upbringing, culture, ETC.

Recently I've been dealing with understanding my own boundaries as well as those of another person in my life. For the past several days it's been a rough journey. I needed some HELP! So, of course, I went in search of a noun.

I surmise that most people's definition of "boundary" is in that "limit" capacity. Not me. Imagine my delight when the word "frontier" jumped off the page at me as I read the definition. That's exactly how I see a boundary - As a frontier! As an opportunity to explore, and therefore discover, and gain knowledge.

fron·tier (frŭn-tîr)
noun
1. a wilderness at the edge of a settled area of a country
2. an international boundary or the area (often fortified) immediately inside the boundary
3. an undeveloped field of study; a topic inviting research and development

Ahhhh. . . there it is. MY definition of boundary, with a twist. That word "boundary" is certainly prominant. I admit that before now, when thinking strictly about a frontier, I never even entertained that a frontier had boundaries. I always think of a frontier as an open space. I have to acknowledge that the word picture in my mind DOES have edges. I was focusing on the central part of the picture before.

So, I was thinking it through . . .

If we open our boarders to everyone, we get hurt. Humans adore control. It is because of control issues boundaries are set to begin with. Personal boundaries are personal laws - the law of our own personal kingdom. We are the monarch of our own kingdom, and we set out just what laws there are. We set out just who may enter our kingdom and who may not. When we do allow someone to enter our kingdom they are expected to follow our law.

Most of us, when confronted with a boundary, stop dead in our tracks. We are taught that boundaries are not to be crossed under any circumstances. Invasion of another persons "space" is rude, disrespectful, unkind, controling, and unloving.

But, wait!!! Each of us has a desire. A desire for that special someone who walks into our kingdom and explores our frontier. We learn from the explorer - that's what makes them SPECIAL. We find out just exaclty what lives and what does not live in our kingdom from that someone!! If we keep our boarders so protected and fenced in we never allow an explorer to cross any boundaries we never fully know or understand what is on our frontier. What good is living in a kingdom if no one else is there with you?

If you invite someone special to be part of your personal kingdom, then by all means, let them IN. Allow them to explore your frontier, on all sides, that you may know your own kingdom well.

Of course this makes your kingdom vunerable. But consider this . . .

“The person who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world, will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages their old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the difficulty and pass courageously through it. Only to the extent that a person exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found within them. In this daring lies dignity and the spirit of true awakening.” – Zen teacher Kalfried von Durkheim

Open the boundaries of your frontier. You'll discover the dignity of your own kingdom, and awaken to the aspects that keep you from expanding those boundaries. Find what is indestructile about you.

Today's Noun - Acceptance

2007-11-21T09:08:00.000-05:00

ac·cept·ance /ækˈsɛptəns/ Pronunciation [ak-sep-tuhns]
–noun
1.
the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2.
favorable reception; approval; favor.
3.
the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4.
the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.

Synonyms: accepting, acknowledgement, acquiring, admission, agreement, approval, assent, compliance, consent, cooperation, gaining, getting, having, obtaining, okay, permission, receipt, reception, recognition, securing, taking [on], undertaking

Antonyms: disagreement, refusal, rejection

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have to begin a journey of acceptance in my life. It is the only choice I have left, having exhausted all other options. Accepting where things are, what things are, how things are, who they are, and when things are . . . all without knowing WHY things are. That's a tough one for me. I've always been a "But WHY?" person. I've also always been a planner. In this, I'm formulating a plan for just how to go about doing this acceptance thing. I am using the best tools I have available to me - understanding of the word itself, along with the Serenity Prayer.

I have many doubts that anyone that doesn't know me, and know me well, is going to fully understand this post - which is actually my style of poetry. My mind is a complex and obscure place to wander, so . . . Prepare Thyself!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

The journey begins with . . .

Acknowledgement, to Admission, to Compliance, to Approval;
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Then on to Aquiring, and therefore Cooperation;
the courage to change the things I can

Then from Obtaining, to Receiving, to Assent
and wisdom to know the difference.

Further, from Compliance. . .
Living one day at a time;

. . . to Approval. . .
Enjoying one moment at a time;

. . . to further Assent.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

From Recognition. . .
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

. . . to Undertaking . . .
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

. . . and finally Obtaining, Receipt, Reception, Securing, Gaining, Getting.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next.

Well, that's the plan, at any rate.

Today's Noun - Friend

2007-11-19T13:58:00.000-05:00

friend /frɛnd/
–noun
1.
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile
4.
a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5.
make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to.

[Origin: bef. 900; ME friend, frend, OE fréond friend, lover, relative (c. OS friund, OHG friunt (G Freund), Goth frijōnds), orig. prp. of fréogan, c. Goth frijōn to love]

For a few weeks now the verse "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) has been literally invading my mind. It's come up not only in my mind, but in several other areas of life too. So much so it's uncanny, but I'll spare you the details.

I had a big "DUH" moment today when I realized just why this verse was being brought to my mind. The moment helped me take the verse from my mind, into my heart. I thought I'd share it with you.

I recently moved back with my ex-husband so he and I could co-parent my grandson together. He and I made a commitment to become close enough friends to do this co-parenting in a manner that is nothing but beneficial for this child. I can tell you, it has been extremely difficult so far. I've been working hard at trying to learn how to do this. I don't have any room for big mistakes here. I have to do this right.

This morning, after a particularly trying past few days, the verse flooded my mind rather loudly! It was hard to ignore. (I'm thick sometimes.) So I started meditating on the verse. My first thought was . . . "How is this applicable to my life? My friends already know I'd lay my life down for them."

The Spirit said to me "You're working on a new friendship. You asked for help. There it is."

My first reaction was negative. "Are you KIDDING me? I have to die, or be willing to die, for my ex-husband?"

The Spirit said nothing, but I sort of visualized Him rolling his eyes at me. I kept meditating on the dying part.

Death. Dying. Die. Die for a friend. Die away. Die down. Die off. Die out. Die hard. Expire. Depart, Relinquish. Pass away. Surrender. Subside. CEASE TO EXIST!!!!

I admit, I was on the verge of the mother of all self-imposed panic attacks at this point.

"Some things that must die are not physical, nor tangible, nor are they obvious - especially when one is so close to it." the Spirit gently goaded. (No eye rolling this time.)

I meditated further. I tried incorporating all the things that have been on my mind and what has been in going on in my life since that verse started resonating through my mind. Nothing real came to me, right then.

Later in the day a friend and I were talking on the phone and one of the many things we talked about was an ego problem she perceived she had. (She doesn't have this problem, she just THINKS she has this problem.)

I hung up the phone, and almost immediately an epiphany hit me. This is the point at which the DUH came loud and clear.

The verse says great love means laying down your L I F E for the friend. What good does a dead body do for a person, except cause them grief? That verse does not have to mean ONLY physical life, and it doesn't mean ONLY death of the body. While I had feelings of nobility as I envisioned stepping between me and Lib, (or Tara, or Christy, or Mindy, or Joy, or Flo, - All my BFF's) and a bullet, this is not what the Spirit has been trying to tell me about my choice to be friends with my ex.

What must die is my own ego .
The "I expect. . . "
The "I want. . . "
The "You should. . ."
The "If only you would . . . I could . . . "
The "Why didn't you . . . "

(SUB THOUGHT - Gee. Maybe if we'd done that before, we wouldn't be ex-spouses.)

Now if I can just take what I have heard in my mind and taken into my heart because I understand it, and move it into action in my day to day life things might be ok.

It occurs to me that taking a bullet would be a WHOLE lot easier!

Today's Noun - Prize

2007-11-15T14:48:00.000-05:00

prize /praɪz/ Pronunciation Key - [prahyz]
–noun
1.
a reward for victory or superiority, as in a contest or competition.
2.
something that is won in a lottery or the like.
3.
anything striven for, worth striving for, or much valued.
4.
something seized or captured, esp. an enemy's ship and cargo captured at sea in wartime.
5.
the act of taking or capturing, esp. a ship at sea.
6.
Archaic. a contest or match. –adjective
7.
having won a prize: a prize bull; a prize play.
8.
worthy of a prize.
9.
given or awarded as a prize.

[Origin: 1250–1300; in senses referring to something seized, continuing ME prise something captured, a seizing < MF < L pre(hé)nsa, n. use of fem. ptp. of pre(he)ndere to take; in senses referring to something won, sp. var. of PRICE since the late 16th century]
—Synonyms 1. premium. See REWARD

Last night a friend and I were watching the movie "300" - which is a sort of comic book re-telling of the victory of the Spartan's over the Persians. In the opening of the movie a narrator conveyed that, in the Spartan community, the most beautiful girls were set aside as oracles. Their only purposes were to serve men in two ways - any way the man wanted, and as an as a medium between man and the gods. In a later scene there is a very large man, with a gleam in his eye and a wide smile on his face, promising that if another man will do his bidding victoriously, he would reward the man with "many oracles as the prize."

Upon hearing this dialogue I said, . . . "Women are always the sought after prize, but they are rarely treated as valuable when they are actually won."

The response of my friend was a hugh sigh that I was sure could be heard by my BFF, who lives two hours away. He looked at me as if I had three heads - one of them a fire breathing dragon. We both knew better than to even begin to have a discussion about it. Besides, I'd had a dose of antihistimines due to an allergy flare-up, and I was quite drowsy. My friend was just as glad, I'm thinking. He hates that I talk during movies anyway.

The scene from the movie was still on my mind today. Even with all the progress that's been made in the last few decades, I kept feeling like men just don't get it.

Is my statement about the movie right, or wrong? Do I need an attitude adjustment? Is the statement simply of my own viewpoint from my own balcony? Women, when YOU have been the prize, have you experienced being treated as a worthy one?

I found it QUITE interesting that in the "Origins" section of the definition, that "prize" is a varriant of the word PRICE since about the sixteenth century. Hummm.....maybe I'm just thinking about it like I'm the price, and not the prize. Ya think?

Today's Noun - Aberrancy

2007-11-14T13:24:00.001-05:00

ab·er·rant /əˈbɛrənt, ˈæbər-/ Pronunciation [uh-ber-uhnt]
–adjective
1.
departing from the right, normal, or usual course.
2.
deviating from the ordinary, usual, or normal type; exceptional; abnormal. –noun

[Origin: 1820–30; < L aberrant- (s. of aberrāns, prp. of aberrāre to deviate).

—Related forms
ab·er·rance, ab·er·ran·cy, noun
ab·er·rant·ly, adverb

I had the most abberrant experience of my life last night. I sat between two men to whom I have been married. We gathered to discuss our future plans.

Going into this I had expectations, as I know all three of us VERY well. I expected the testosterone to be on the level of a medical-mask-smog-day in Los Angeles. My expectation of myself was that I would be nervous, easily insulted, and stumble over my words - sticking my foot in my mouth and making everyone feel uncomfortable. Man One - I expected him to be overly emotional and tell redneck jokes and speak about inappropriate topics that did not relate to the subjects at hand. Man Two - I expected him to be devoid of emotion, push too hard for his own viewpoint while making himself look as if he were sacrificing the equvalent of his first born, and be a total jerk in the process.

That, after all, would be normal.

But alas, aberrance prevailed. The three of us got along famously and all objectives we set out to work out were achieved to the satisfaction of all involved. There was no testosterone nebula in my living room - at most there was a hint of fine mist. Man One was surprisingly and unemotionally impressed and agreeable to the caliber of plans Man Two and I presented as options. Man Two was surprisingly nice, had balanced and appropriate emotions, and did not present himself as the martyr or even a jackass. I didn't get emotional, take anything personally, nor insult either one of them. It was amazing!

The glaring question I must ask is . . . WHY?

I have only one answer that makes any real sense.

The overall welfare of a seven year old boy, whom we all love and care deeply about.

Noun of the Day

2007-11-13T10:59:00.000-05:00

un·cer·tain·ty /ʌnˈsɜrtnti/ [uhn-sur-tn-tee]
–noun, plural -ties
1.
the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy
2.
an instance of uncertainty, doubt, etc.
3.
unpredictability; indeterminacy; indefiniteness.
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME uncerteynte]

Nuff said!!!

I am About to Become An Adjective

2007-11-08T12:27:00.000-05:00

ad·jec·tive
–noun
1.
Grammar. any member of a class of words that in many languages are distinguished in form, as partly in English by having comparative and superlative endings, or by functioning as modifiers of nouns, as good, wise, perfect. –adjective
2.
pertaining to or functioning as an adjective; adjectival: the adjective use of a noun.
3.
not able to stand alone; dependent.

Before I begin the actual point of this entry, I must note how utterly ironic it is that the word "adjective" is a noun.

I know I'm weird. At least twice a week *someone* says it to my face. Yeah - out loud. I just ate a microwaved potato (for lunch) with absolutely nothing on it because I'm trying to get through a weight loss plateau, and still have all the nutrients I can get. (Potatoes have every nutrient known to man, so I hear!) No, I don't like ice cream. I eat popcorn with a spoon (if I'm alone) for goodness sake! When I was a child I wanted to be a museum curator when I grew up, and I used to pretend to have skelletons of dinosaurs on my patio. Yes, I'm certifiably bizzare.

I took a few moments today to look at my life. My conslusion? It's weird.

I am twice married, once divorced, currently separated but living in the same domicile with my soon-to-be-ex. You may know people who are in this situation, but I'd bet most of them are planning to move out as soon as possible. I, on the other hand, am making plans to move to another city and state WITH him, and move into the same house again, so we can co-parent together.

Not so weird, you say? HA! You don't know the rest of the story.

My first ex-husband may also be living in the same house with us in that other city and state. Now THAT'S weird. It's not prudent of me to publish just why my first ex might be living with us, so let it suffice that it's the best choice for all involved.

In the definition above, I can see that my life has become an adjective. Not able to stand alone, but by functioning as modifier of nouns, as good, wise, perfect.

Secondary conclusion . . . My life as an adjective is good, wise, and perfect. Weird, eh?

This Blog is about . . . .

2007-11-08T09:44:00.000-05:00

1.
the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
2.
the sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, esp. metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment.
3.
the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one's life; a short life and a merry one.
4.
a corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: eternal life.
5.
the general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.
6.
any specified period of animate existence: a man in middle life.
7.
the period of existence, activity, or effectiveness of something inanimate, as a machine, lease, or play: The life of the car may be ten years.
8.
a living being: Several lives were lost.
9.
living things collectively: the hope of discovering life on other planets; insect life.
10.
a particular aspect of existence: He enjoys an active physical life.
11.
the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence: His business has been his entire life.
12.
a biography
13.
animation; liveliness; spirit
14.
resilience; elasticity.
15.
the force that makes or keeps something alive; the vivifying or quickening principle: The life of the treaty has been an increase of mutual understanding and respect.
16.
a mode or manner of existence, as in the world of affairs or society: So far her business life has not overlapped her social life.
17.
the period or extent of authority, popularity, approval, etc.: the life of the committee; the life of a bestseller.
18.
a prison sentence covering the remaining portion of the offender's animate existence: The judge gave him life.
19.
anything or anyone considered to be as precious as life: She was his life.
20.
a person or thing that enlivens: the life of the party.
21.
effervescence or sparkle, as of wines.
22.
pungency or strong, sharp flavor, as of substances when fresh or in good condition.
23.
nature or any of the forms of nature as the model or subject of a work of art: drawn from life.
24.
Baseball. another opportunity given to a batter to bat because of a misplay by a fielder.
25.
(in English pool) one of a limited number of shots allowed a player: Each pool player has three lives at the beginning of the game. –adjective
26.
for or lasting a lifetime; lifelong: a life membership in a club; life imprisonment.
27.
of or pertaining to animate existence: the life force; life functions.
28.
working from nature or using a living model: a life drawing; a life class. —Idioms
29.
as large as life, actually; indeed: There he stood, as large as life. Also, as big as life.
30.
come to life,
a.
to recover consciousness.
b.
to become animated and vigorous: The evening passed, but somehow the party never came to life.
c.
to appear lifelike: The characters of the novel came to life on the screen.
31.
for dear life, with desperate effort, energy, or speed: We ran for dear life, with the dogs at our heels. Also, for one's life.
32.
for the life of one, as hard as one tries; even with the utmost effort: He can't understand it for the life of him.
33.
get a life, to improve the quality of one's social and professional life: often used in the imperative to express impatience with someone's behavior.
34.
not on your life, Informal. absolutely not; under no circumstances; by no means: Will I stand for such a thing? Not on your life!
35.
take one's life in one's hands, to risk death knowingly: We were warned that we were taking our lives in our hands by going through that swampy area.
36.
to the life, in perfect imitation; exactly: The portrait characterized him to the life.

[Origin: bef. 900; ME lif(e); OE līf; c. D lijf, G Leib body, ON līf life, body; akin to LIVE]
—Synonyms 13. vivacity, sprightliness, vigor, verve, activity, energy.
—Antonyms 13. inertia.

SOURCE: www.dictionary.com