Life of Smiley

So this happened

2010-01-15T12:11:00.004-05:00

Sleep studies completed: 0

Vasovagal episodes: 1 (Probably. A bit embarrassing, but it happens)

Emergency responders: 4 or 5 (I think. It was kind of like this)

Emergency vehicles: 3 (ambulance, police car, and fire truck - why?)

Tubes of "cherry goo" consumed in record time: 1 (yes, the EMT remarked about this and yes, I am strangely proud)

Tests: infinity plus one (chest x-ray, ekg, eeg, echo, countless blood tests, etc.)

Consulting physicians: 5* (ER, Telemetry, Neurologist, Cardiologist, Endocrinologist)

Finally saying enough is enough and checking myself out AMA: priceless

. . .

* I didn't wait for the endocrinologist, but I actually saw two cardiologists and I think more than one doc in the ER, so it was probably more than five total. Not to mention all the nurses, assistants, etc. It felt like overkill but I have to admit the quality of care was excellent.

False sense of security

2009-06-30T11:34:00.009-04:00

Superhacker Max Butler Pleads Guilty

When Max Butler was 25, curiosity led him to hack into Pentagon computers, where he promptly closed security holes he found, effectively making the network more secure. The Pentagon immediately hired Butler as their new head of network security. No wait, they actually put him in jail, where he met real criminals and taught them how to steal credit card numbers.

What have we learned from this story?

Not only does our justice system fail to deter criminal activity, it actually creates more sophisticated criminals

The Federal Government is not interested in improving security, only in prosecuting offenders (that they know about) long after the breach occurs

This is one of my biggest pet peeves: security by threat of prosecution. I would say this is the bureaucratic equivalent of closing the barn door after the horses have gone, but all they're really doing is scolding the horses.

Bad horse! See that barn door? I'm going to leave it wide open. Do not run through it again, or else!

Be careful what you wish for

2008-09-05T19:22:00.009-04:00

As governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has a proven track record of bringing about change swiftly. Which is great, so long as you agree with her changes.

From Bristol's Body, Sarah's Choice on Slate.com:

Palin made her position clear last fall, when she denounced and sought to reverse an Alaska Supreme Court ruling that upheld the rights of teenage girls. "It is outrageous that a minor girl can get an abortion without parental consent," said the governor.

...

The court affirmed that minors often needed guidance, that parents were entitled to provide that guidance, and that states could facilitate this role by notifying parents whose daughters sought abortions. But the law in question, the Alaska Parental Consent Act, went further.

...

The justices concluded that the law "allows parents to refuse to consent not only where their judgment is better informed and considered than that of their daughter, but also where it is colored by personal religious belief, whim, or even hostility to her best interests."

...

[Palin] says Bristol will "realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child."

...

Palin claims the decision was Bristol's. But had Bristol faced the same predicament a year ago, and had she chosen not to bear the child, her mother would have demanded the right to force that result. As governor, Palin fought for this authority. Two weeks after the Alaska court's 3-2 ruling against her, she replaced one of the justices in the majority. She called for a state constitutional amendment to reverse the ruling. This year, with the court stacked in her favor, she endorsed a bill that would send the court an even tougher parental consent law. She even proposed a special session to pass the bill.

...

Watch the video of Palin answering abortion questions during a 2006 gubernatorial debate. "If your daughter were pregnant … what would be your reaction and advice?" asks a reporter. "I would choose life," she answers, smiling. The reporter persists: What if your daughter had been raped? "Again, I would choose life," she replies. Not she would choose. I would choose.

...

John McCain is no different. Eight years ago, after initially saying that his daughter, in the event of pregnancy, would make her own decision with parental counsel, McCain corrected himself. It would be "a family decision, not her decision," he told reporters. "Cindy and I will make that decision."

...

McCain and Palin want more justices like Samuel Alito, who voted to uphold a law requiring women to notify their husbands before getting abortions. In fact, they want a constitutional amendment to ban nearly all abortions.

The idea of letting minors, even maturing ones, make abortion decisions may sound radical. But that's how autonomy for blacks and women used to sound, too. It's hard to recognize the injustices of your own era. One reason to try is that paternalists may have targeted people like you in the past. The other reason is that if you don't speak up, they'll come for you again.

How do you say "Unintentional Comedy" in Chinese?

2008-06-24T20:15:00.002-04:00

Everything about this story is oddly hilarious to me. I mean, you
know, except for the dead people.

Stating the obvious in 4200 words or less

2008-05-27T23:51:00.003-04:00

At least, it seems obvious to me. But still an interesting read.

Where are they?
Why I hope the search for extraterrestrial life finds nothing.

Such a discovery would be of tremendous scientific significance. What could be more fascinating than discovering life that had evolved entirely independently of life here on Earth? Many people would also find it heartening to learn that we are not entirely alone in this vast, cold cosmos.

But I hope that our Mars probes discover nothing. It would be good news if we find Mars to be sterile. Dead rocks and lifeless sands would lift my spirit.

Conversely, if we discovered traces of some simple, extinct life-form--some bacteria, some algae--it would be bad news. If we found fossils of something more advanced, perhaps something that looked like the remnants of a trilobite or even the skeleton of a small mammal, it would be very bad news. The more complex the life-form we found, the more depressing the news would be. I would find it interesting, certainly--but a bad omen for the future of the human race.

'Nuf said

2008-04-18T22:19:00.001-04:00

Define genius

2008-04-09T11:44:00.002-04:00

Trying to Design a Truly Entertaining Game Can Defeat Even a Certified Genius

Ted Castronova, a social scientist and professor at Indiana University, made a name for himself studying the economies of online games, going so far as to calculate the exchange rate between US dollars and EverQuest platinum. But he wanted to do more than study virtual worlds - he wanted to create one. So in 2006, armed with a $250,000 MacArthur Foundation grant, Castronova and a team of grad students got to work designing Arden: The World of William Shakespeare. The aim was to have players explore an Elizabethan environment, interact with characters from the Bard's plays, or just go to a tavern and wager a few farthings on card games like One-and-Thirty.

The game was released last fall - to little fanfare. It seems something was rotten in the state of Arden.

"It's no fun," Castronova says ruefully. "We failed to design a gripping experience."

Really? It took a purported genius and $250,000 to figure out that a game called "The World of William Shakespeare" might not be a smash hit?

Shouldn't these grants come with a stipulation that if you use the money to prove that you are in fact not a genius, you have to give it back?

KingHenryMMV: Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more
LilRomeo69: Shakespeare is teh suck. U R all gei

God Bless America

2008-03-29T17:38:00.009-04:00

I totally agree with and support what this soldier has to say about our government's foreign policy decisions, but more importantly I am grateful for his right to say it. When it comes to active-duty soldiers, that right is technically more of a privilege, and it should not be taken for granted. Do you think Chinese soldiers are allowed to blog? Hell, even if they were, Chinese citizens wouldn't be allowed to read it. I've made it very clear how I feel about our current administration, but I still love this country, and I look forward to the years ahead with hope and optimism.

[T]his is not a blog to sing the high praises of my chosen profession, but rather a tool of expression for my disdain for the day in and day out mountains of bullshit and mundanity that I climb every day of the week dear reader, and it is a shame I didn't begin this along with my career. There is an endless amount of moments that could have been recorded that would make the average Joe Taxpayer shake his head in shocked disbelief.
But to catch you up:
Today we were issued the last of the equipment that we need before going overseas. This includes superfluous ballistic paneling along the neck and groin that would offer no realistic protection from shrapnel. Armor plates were also issued that are heavier than previous incarnations. Millions in R&D really paid off I'm sure. They're still inferior to civilian alternatives if you were wondering. The plates given to us will crack if dropped right. A Dragon Skin plate will stop an AK-47 round at 20 feet. I figured that issuing everyone Dragon Skin plates would cost more than the life insurance payouts the Army is paying to dead solider's families who would otherwise have lived with better plates. Cold equations.
- Army of Dude

The ultimate word you can't say

2008-03-25T22:26:00.003-04:00

For whatever reason, I've always been intrigued by what you can't say. Here's a thoughtful essay on the ultimate word you can't say.

You weak minded fool!

2008-03-24T12:41:00.006-04:00

He's using an old Jedi mind trick. Get in the rancor pit. P.S. You're fired.

At least that's what I would have said to any of these checkout clerks who claim to have been hypnotized into emptying the cash register.

What do you suppose he said to hypnotize them?

Look into my eyes. You are getting very sleepy. Okay, here's the deal. Give me all the money in your register, then meet me outside in 15 minutes and I'll give you half. Then, tell your dumbass manager that you were hypnotized. Once he sees me on the security tape he'll totally believe you. Look at me, I'm like a cross between Saddam Hussein and Rasputin. Of course he'll expect me to have mystical powers. Same goes for the policia. Okay, now go all slack-jawed and glassy eyed. Oh good, you're way ahead of me.

Speaking of the policia, according to the article they are still searching for the "Saddam Rasputin look-alike Hypnotist Bandit." Um, guys? Do you maybe want to look in those checkout girls' apartments?

Nice work if you can get it

2008-03-12T22:21:00.033-04:00

If a woman is so amazing that men will pay her $1,000 an hour for sex, good for her.

Oh sure, according to Ashley Dupre's MySpace page she left a broken and abusive home at 17, and wound up homeless and addicted to drugs. But even if we suppose that any of that is true, she eventually wound up sunbathing on yachts and charging $1,000 an hour for her time. Talk about your victimless crime.

As for Eliot Spitzer the private citizen, I don't believe he's done anything wrong. Legalize prostitution and tax it, I say, and do the same thing for marijuana while you're at it. Basically I'd like to see vice cops looking for other, more productive lines of work.

And frankly I'd be a hypocrite if I agreed that Spitzer should step down from public office. I didn't think Bill Clinton's indiscretions hurt his ability to run the country, and I don't believe this should affect Spitzer's ability to govern New York.

As for Eliot Spitzer the husband and father, he's a total loser. And Eliot Spitzer the lawyer isn't doing so hot, either. How does a man who earned a perfect score on his LSAT exam and then went on to crusade against prostitution as state attorney general manage to get himself caught paying for call girls? I realize the obvious answer is that he was thinking with the wrong head, but the irony is overwhelming. You can't make this stuff up.

Putting this woman in jail would be a crime

Meh

2008-02-14T14:10:00.004-05:00

Did you see Rocky Balboa? There's a movie that totally didn't need to be made, but nevertheless it was a reasonably entertaining way to spend two hours. Best case scenario for Indiana Jones IV is that it will be reasonably entertaining. Worst case? We get another Temple of Doom. The fact that they even acknowledged that movie in the trailer, combined with the scenes of cannibals chasing Indy around and just the title of the movie itself has me fearing the worst.

It's not the years, it's the mileage.

You're gonna need a bigger boat

2008-02-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

Jaws Police Chief Passes Away

Great whites around the world mourn the passing of Roy Scheider (pictured, right). The actor, best known for his role as a shark obsessed police chief in Jaws, pased away Sunday at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas. He was being treated for multiple myeloma at the hospital's Myeloma Institute for Research and Therapy for the past two years and had battled with blood cancer for the past three years. He was 75.

I installed Linux

2008-02-01T19:49:00.000-05:00

I would love to read a behind-the-scenes account of where Longhorn development went wrong. Vista cannot be the operating system that Bill Gates envisioned.

Couldn't agree more

2008-01-23T13:37:00.000-05:00

I've always been against the war in Iraq, but not because I lack patriotism, or conviction. Precisely the opposite is true. I've been against it from the outset for a very basic and specific reason. When the UN Security Council found insufficient basis to warrant an invasion in 2003, the US government formed a "coalition of the willing," basically stating that we were going to take our ball and play somewhere else.

How ironic that we chose to set aside the outcome of that democratic process and make an essentially unilateral decision to invade Iraq, under the pretense of fostering democracy there. At that moment I felt ashamed to be an American. Since that time I have watched with disgust as our government has participated (or failed to participate) in a series of events ranging from the childishly stupid to the globally tragic, to say nothing of the insidious erosion of our civil liberties at home.

I realize there is a tendency to overstate current problems and romanticize the past, but I don't remember ever feeling this way under Clinton, or Reagan, or even Bush I. As I read Al Gore's latest book and think about what a different path our country might have taken over these past seven years, I can't help but feel a deep sense of regret.

September 11 had a profound impact on all of us. But after initially responding in an entirely appropriate way, the administration began to heighten and distort public fear of terrorism to create a political case for attacking Iraq. Despite the absence of proof, Iraq was said to be working hand in hand with al-Qaeda and to be on the verge of a nuclear weapons capability. Defeating Saddam was conflated with bringing war to the terrorists, even though it really meant diverting attention and resources from those who actually attacked us.

When the president of the United States stood before the people of this nation and invited us to "imagine" a terrorist attack with a nuclear weapon, he was referring to terrorists who actually had no connection to Iraq. But because our nation had been subjected to the horrors of 9/11, when our president said "imagine with me this new fear," it was easy enough to bypass the reasoning process that might otherwise have led people to ask, "Wait a minute, Mr. President, where's your evidence?"

Even if you believe Iraq might have posed a threat to us, I hope you will agree that our nation would have benefited from a full and thorough debate about the wisdom of invading that country. Had we weighed the potential benefits of an invasion against the potential risks, perhaps we could have prevented some of the tragic events now unfolding there.

Terrorism relies on the stimulation of fear for political ends. Indeed, its specific goal is to distort the political reality of a nation by creating fear in the general population that is hugely disproportionate to the actual danger that the terrorists are capable of posing. Ironically, President Bush's response to the terrorist attack of September 11 was, in effect, to further distort America's political reality by creating a new fear of Iraq that was hugely disproportionate to the actual danger Iraq was capable of posing. That is one of the reasons it was so troubling to so many when in 2004 the widely respected arms expert David Kay concluded a lengthy, extensive investigation into the administration's claim that Iraq posed an enormous threat because it had weapons of mass destruction with the words We were all wrong.

As we now know, of course, there was absolutely no connection between Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. In spite of that fact, President Bush actually said to the nation at a time of greatly enhanced vulnerability to the fear of attack, "You can't distinguish between them."

History will surely judge America's decision to invade and occupy a fragile and unstable nation that did not attack us and posed no threat to us as a decision that was not only tragic but absurd. Saddam Hussein was a brutal dictator, to be sure, but not one who posed an imminent danger to us. It is a decision that could have been made only at a moment in time when reason was playing a sharply diminished role in our national deliberations.

Thomas Jefferson would have recognized the linkage between absurd tragedy and the absence of reason. As he wrote to James Smith in 1822, "Man, once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind."

- Al Gore, The Assault on Reason

Natural selection

2008-01-17T11:20:00.001-05:00

Police: Man Shoots Self During Robbery

KOKOMO, Ind. (AP) — A man accidentally shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store Tuesday, police said.

A clerk told police a man carrying a semiautomatic handgun entered the Village Pantry demanding cash and a pack of cigarettes. The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge.

Police say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants. The clerk wasn't injured.

A short time later, police found 25-year-old Derrick Kosch at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg.

Kosch was released from the hospital Tuesday and booked into the Howard County jail on a charge of armed robbery, criminal recklessness and battery. He is being held on a $100,000 cash bail. A jail official did not know if he had retained an attorney Wednesday.

The best laid plans

2007-12-28T15:12:00.000-05:00

After two decades of construction, Boston's Big Dig project is finally coming to an end (officially, as of December 31, 2007). At last count, the project has cost taxpayers over $14,600,000,000. Far worse, it has taken the lives of four workers and one civilian.

On the bright side, Boston's central artery has been transformed from this:

to this:

yay!

If the Big Dig had been my idea, I think I would be committing ritual suicide right about now.

Whaaaa?!

2007-12-21T14:09:00.000-05:00

I am curious (and somewhat dubious) to see what the late-night talk shows come up with when they return in January sans writers. Especially in Stephen Colbert's case, I believe he could still put together a funny show without the help of a full writing staff. The Daily Show also has a ton of on-screen talent who I believe are capable of being funny without a script.

But questions over the format of both shows -- which rely heavily on writers -- remained unanswered Thursday, with many segments of both thought to be off limits according to WGA strike rules.

Strike rules?! How do they get to have rules? Isn't this like a petulant child refusing to join in a game, and then trying to disrupt everyone else from having a good time? The WGA's stance strikes me as unfair, unreasonable, and downright un-American. There I said it; all striking workers are communists. Or, to use the modern term, terrorists.

Bottom line: even if hiring scab writers or other work-arounds are considered "against the rules" who cares? What are the writers going to do, strike harder? They would be crazy to bring any kind of lawsuit against the AMPTP, as that would surely end all negotiation talks between the two sides. The conventional wisdom is that writers need jobs more than producers need writers. If the WGA doesn't come to its senses soon, they will get what they deserve: a permanent vacation. Somebody wake up the Gipper and bring him back so he can fire these guys and start over.

Music to my ears

2007-12-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

After Talks Fail, Writers' Strike Could Drag On

"There's a huge transition in our business," Steven Bochco, creator of the TV hits "L.A. Law" and "NYPD Blue," said in a recent interview. "This may hasten the demise of the model that we've all worked under."

I would love to see this strike turn network television on its head. I've said it before and I'll say it again. With a few notable exceptions, unions are evil. If you aren't happy with your contract, go work somewhere else. If you can't get more money somewhere else, guess what? You don't deserve more money. Who needs television writers anyway? If it weren't for sports in HD, I would totally drop cable. Just give me the Internet and a good book.

How did we get here?

2007-12-10T22:42:00.000-05:00

Like many football fans, I was recently up in arms over the current feud between big cable and the NFL Network, which prevented me from watching Packers-Cowboys in the comfort of my own home (and will similarly prevent me from watching Pats-Giants on Dec. 29). But then I read this article by the Sports Guy, and realized that this is nothing new. I've always been annoyed that I can't watch any and every NFL game that I want to each week. Well, I could if I had DirecTV and was willing to pay for Sunday Ticket, but I don't and I'm not. That being said, there's a larger issue here that needs to be addressed. It's hinted at in this article about the Packers-Cowboys game:

The league hoped to get 70 cents per customer per month from the cable carriers for distribution on their popular basic digital tier. If the NFL could sell its network to cable companies across the country, including Comcast and Time Warner's 38 million subscribers, the rate would generate more than $300 million in subscription fees annually. That would be before a single second of commercial time was sold.

So, the NFL Network wants to get paid by both advertisers and the cable carriers. No big surprise, that's just how it works. But if you stop and think about it for a minute, why should it work that way? It seems to me the revenue stream should be flowing in the other direction. Advertisers pay big bucks to networks that have the best ratings, but those networks (at least in this case) are only able to achieve high ratings thanks to the millions of viewers who are watching on cable. The way I see it, I should be getting paid to watch commercials. How do I make this happen?

Worst exit strategy this side of Iraq

2007-10-05T22:11:00.000-04:00

Bungie Studios, makers of the wildly successful Halo video games, have proudly announced their renewed independence from Microsoft.

Isn't that a bit like Jennifer Anniston announcing her separation from Brad Pitt?

Back in 2000, Microsoft needed a game to help establish the Xbox as a contender in the console wars. They purchased Bungie for a reported $20 million. Now seven years later, Microsoft maintains complete ownership and control of what has become a billion-dollar franchise. Bungie are pretty much right back where they started, and it seems unlikely they will ever create another game as successful as Halo.

I doubt Jennifer will ever land another Brad, either.

Whose side are we on?

2007-09-06T23:46:00.001-04:00

I just caught a repeat of the Daily Show -- yes, this is where I get most of my news -- on which they discussed The U.S. Army/Marine Corps Counterinsurgency Field Manual, which is currently available on Amazon.com for ten bucks. One of the authors, Lieutenant Colonel John Nagl, explained that the manual was written because we are fighting an enemy that is able to learn and adapt, and we must be able to out-think as well as out-fight them.

Um, guys? Shouldn't the first step in out-thinking the enemy involve not selling them our counterinsurgency field manual?!

This is why

2007-08-31T12:58:00.000-04:00

The Halo universe is clearly the stuff of pulpy space opera, and the Master Chief is as hard-boiled as they come. Much of the action consists of the Master Chief shooting alien antagonists while swapping Eastwoodian one-liners with his sidekick, a computer program named Cortana who appears as a sexy hologram. But the Halo games also have a curiously lyrical quality about them. They're full of literary touches and evocative phrases--the Master Chief travels in a spaceship called the Pillar of Autumn. The Halo universe is rich in lore--gamers love to be there the way some people love to pretend they're in Jane Austen novels. The action isn't nonstop; instead it includes dramatic beats and even moments of melancholy solitude, with Romantic weather effects and sublime vistas and soaring Gregorian chants. The game has a moody, Wagnerian quality--the Master Chief is dwarfed by towering alien architecture that recalls Piranesi. Halo takes itself seriously as, if not art, certainly a spectacle. But art seems more apt....

[Bungie's] devotion is fueled by a belief, not shared by the world at large, that video games are an art form with genuine emotional meaning and that Halo 3 will be the premier example of that art.

Full article

Good thing she's pretty

2007-08-28T18:47:00.001-04:00

Arrr!

2007-08-26T10:21:00.000-04:00