Life on the High Wire

The Peanut Trick Intrigues Me, Though I Worry the Raisin is Cheating

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:22:00 +0000

I’m immersed in memoir revision and one crazy schedule, so I apologize for the random posts. I know your world doesn’t revolve around my blog, so I’m hoping you’ll forgive what’s likely to be unpredictable appearances here in the next little while. (11.5 weeks, but who’s counting?)

Today I’m sharing Ruth Krauss’s writing wisdom from her delightful book How to Make an Earthquake. (Go here to see more useful hints, including “A Good Way to Carry Your Carrots” and “How to Make Toast-Nippers.”)

“You can write books about anything. For instance, fruits. The first page could be a banana and the second page could be an orange and the third could be cherries, and like that…. Or, you could write a book for someone who can read only one word. You could draw a horse on the first page and write HELLO, and the second page could be a bear and write HELLO, and the third page could be a kitten and write HELLO, and the fourth could be a monkey and write HELLO, until as many as you want. At the end maybe you could write GOODBYE, just for fun.”

Brilliant advice! I’d say this virtually eliminates the need for creative writing MFA programs, wouldn’t you?

Thursday Thievery

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 22:16:00 +0000

Since I’m entirely out of energy and don't see a re-up happening before tomorrow, I’m reverting to my thievin’ ways for today’s post, three quotes I stole from The Sun. (Which in turn stole them from the speakers. Guilt loves company!)

“Money is a dream. It is a piece of paper on which is imprinted in invisible ink the dream of all the things it will buy, all the trinkets and all the power over others.” – David T. Bazelon

“Privilege, almost by definition, requires that someone pay the price for its enjoyment.” – Paula Ross

“It is very wrong for people to feel deeply sad when they lose some money, yet when they waste the precious moments of their lives, they do not have the slightest feeling of repentance.” – The Dalai Lama

Enjoy the weekend's precious moments, everyone. (I don’t mean the ceramic figurines, though I suppose there is a place for porcelain children about to leap out of high chairs and claw one's eyes out while a possessed teddy bear looks on. And that would be hell.)

Is It Too Late to Say I’d Also Like Three More Wishes?

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:55:00 +0000

I’m embarrassed to admit that Valentine’s Day got me down. Lesson learned: if you’re in a love funk, do not have a TV marathon featuring only episodes of The Office. It will not help. (For those of you who don’t watch The Office, let me just say three little words: Jim and Pam.)

My V-day was marked by a gorgeous handmade card from my mother, and a voicemail from my high school boyfriend (who lives in New York) joking that he was calling “all the ladies he’d slept with.” Not that both gestures weren’t appreciated, but let’s just say yesterday’s romance quotient was less than swoonable.

Truth is, there seems to be no shortage of sexy, interesting people around. But despite said abundance of sexy, interesting people, I don’t have time to date anyone right now. With three jobs and school, I spend all my extra time writing, studying, or sleeping. Not a lot of space for long walks in the park, candlelit dinners at Chez Kahler, or relaxing weekends away. You know, if I were into those things.

All right, fine. I’m really, really into those things.

Anyway. I’ve got 13 weeks until I graduate. 13! Today, that feels like a lucky number. After that, real life begins, and – cheese alert – I’ll have space in my life for love.

It seems strange to say that, as if I’ll wake up the day after graduation and poof! Love will walk in. New York has been a whirlwind of new people and experiences, and the last two years have not been about meeting someone and getting serious. You don’t go to the all-you-can-eat buffet and just have Salisbury steak. (If you’re smart, you don’t have it at all. Bad example.)

But the whirlwind is winding down, and I’m ready to start thinking about the long term.

I want that combo of chemistry and timing. I want to meet someone who has similar goals, someone I can build something with. I can’t say I believe in forever, but I do believe in riding the highs (easy) and working through the lows, the crazy stay-up-all-night passion that turns into something deeper and richer. (And OK, I still want at least some of that crazy after the deeper and richer kicks in.)

Some say that by stating one’s wish out loud (does it get louder than the Internet?) the wish will come true. I don’t know about that either, but it feels good to say it. It’s slightly embarrassing – is it OK to publicly admit you don’t want to be alone forever? – but good, nonetheless.

So there you go, universe. Run with it.

P.S. My health is holding, and unless something drastic happens, I won’t need surgery. Hurray!

Third Time's a Charm?

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:04:00 +0000

So, the thing I had twice before is back. I’m waiting to see if a different kind of antibiotic will head it off before I have to head to surgery, but meanwhile, I’m taking a break from anything requiring more effort than pulling back the covers. For my New York readers, enjoy the snow day. For everyone, I hope you have a great week, and I plan to see you back here on Monday.

Quote of the Night: “Passion Is Not Mania” (So We’d Better Go Back on Our Meds)

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:58:00 +0000

I went to the “Art of the Pitch” panel at the Grad Center last night, which featured an agent as well as editors from major mags including The Wall Street Journal, New York Magazine, and The Paris Review. I’d heard much of their advice before, which isn’t a bad thing – it’s always good to hear it again, and it’s comforting that the game hasn’t changed that much.

Tips included don’t exaggerate your pitch (“This book/article idea will change the very nature of life itself! And I do mean biochemically!”); make sure you’re familiar with the magazine before you pitch (“Vogue readers will love my article on cattle manure refineries!”); and put a fresh spin on your topic. (“Save money by making your own cottage cheese!” surely hasn’t been done before. Perhaps with good reason.)

The advice that stuck with me the most was about focus. They all agreed it’s important to become an expert on your subject, and the narrower the slice of that subject, the better. You might want to write about money or relationships, for example, but a lot of people want to write about that. (Though expert status regarding relationships seems a bit, uh, out of reach. But maybe that’s just me.)

Since a lot of people want to cover those subjects, you need to figure out your angle, the subset of that larger topic you can write about with authority. That’s what will get you a yes from an editor.

It got me thinking about life in general. I joke that I’m becoming more unemployable by the minute, but I’m only half kidding. What I do well and what I want to do are shrinking by the day.

The strange thing is, the narrower my world becomes, the more life expands. It’s as if by shedding those things (or relationships) that don’t feed my focus, the resulting space fills up with more of what I want and need. The more I let go, the more yeses I get.

What do you think?

But If Your Goal Is Removing a Brain Tumor, I'd Say Set the Bar a Little Higher

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:28:00 +0000

230 pages, 71,000 words, and 3 million seconds of doubt later, I’m done with the first draft of the memoir. Let’s honor my achievement with a moment of silence.

Now. Make me a margarita.

Ha ha! I’m afraid the margarita has to wait, because a) I’m writing this at 8 a.m., b) drinking one’s breakfast sets a bad example for the students of my morning Intro to Creative Writing class, and c) I’m not actually the lush I’m made out to be, despite that unfortunate video on YouTube.

But hoo boy, am I happy. The draft is far from perfect, and good lord does it need a lot of work, but for now, it’s good enough. What happens next is my advisor reads the manuscript and gives me detailed notes, then it’s my job to revise it from good enough to better than good enough. I’ll even go out on a limb and say I’m shooting for decent with this first revision.

2010: The Year of Setting the Bar Low.

Seriously though, what about you? Do you have a goal you’re not hitting because you’re attempting perfection, when you really need to get it good enough for now? Because you can get it better than good enough a little later?

Or, I Could Include a Mouse Who’s an Inspector

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:52:00 +0000

Spring semester officially starts today, so as a warm-up for what’s likely to be four months of briefer blog posts, here’s a website recommendation:

“Curious Pages: Recommended Inappropriate Books for Kids” (Thanks to Very Short List for the tip.)

The commentary is hilarious – the labels are particularly brilliant – and it makes me think I should switch from memoir to children’s books. That would be more fun, don’t you think? Because if the books on this website are any indication, I could still get away with talking about sexuality and bad dads, as long as there were cartoon pigs.

Enjoy the weekend, everyone.

Also comforting? Flannel Sheets and Arrested Development Reruns, But Those Will Have To Wait

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:41:00 +0000

This weekend I finished the penultimate chapter of the memoir. (I’m a writer. I’m allowed to use words that don’t sound like what they mean.) It was such a satisfying moment that I immediately ate a bunch of dried mango and danced around my apartment, and after hooting my joy to the walls for probably longer than my neighbors thought appropriate, I poured myself a celebratory glass of Chardonnay.

(You can only imagine the celebrating that will happen when I finish the whole book. I’m wearing a helmet from here on out, just in case.)

Finishing that chapter was far more satisfying than I expected, considering it wasn’t the chapter from hell, nor was it the final chapter. That one I need to start today. Which presents its own special challenges, since I don’t actually know how the book ends.

Ha ha! I mean, I know how it could end – it is my life, after all, and I’ve been awake for most of it – but I’m not sure what the best ending is for this particular telling of my life. I have an idea, but I’m not sure how to get there.

No matter. I’m going to make some tea, open the Word doc, and see what happens. I remind myself: Motion → direction. And that’s comforting.

In Other Words, The “Shut Up and Shop” Magnet on My Fridge Is Meant to Be Ironic

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 15:58:00 +0000

Regular readers know I’m a big fan of living below your means. Earn more than you spend, bank some then leave it alone, don’t go crazy with housing, and quit buying stuff you don’t really need. (Yes, fellow Americans, this includes 3G phones, Kindles, and, gasp, even TVs. Want, sure. Need? Come on.)

So I was interested in Philip Brewer’s review of Daniel Brook’s The Trap: Selling Out to Stay Afloat in Winner-Take-All America on Wisebread.com.

Read the whole review, which gets into Brook’s more controversial ideas, but here’s what most interested me:

Brook talks a good bit about the limits of frugality as a way to do whatever work calls you. Many of the examples Brook uses are people whose work requires that they live in a big city:

- Activists who need to live where there's a critical mass of others with the same vision.
- Social workers or community organizers who need to live in the community that they serve.
- Creative types of the sort who can't just do their work by themselves the way a writer can — filmmakers, dancers, actors.

It's possible to live frugally even in a big city, but living very frugally requires not only luck and flexibility but also a level of constant attention that makes it hard to focus on the work that was the whole point.

I just landed another part-time job as the Advising and Tutoring Coordinator for the English Department at Queens College. (Witness my checkbook doing cartwheels of joy through the living room.) The job starts in two weeks, which means that if you pile my three part-time jobs together, I’ll be working full-time while I’m finishing grad school and writing the book.

I’m certainly not the only one with this kind of schedule, and am so, so grateful for the work. Really. But I’m sure I’ll soon be pining for my slower, simpler Taos life, where I was able to pay all my bills as a freelance writer. No stress required.

But then I wouldn’t be in New York, meeting new people, learning new skills, and practicing what I’ve learned, all of which are making me a better writer and teacher.

But then with all these opportunities, I’ll have far less time to devote to the writing, which is why I came here in the first place.

Also, none of this is forever. Part of me thinks I may keep up this crazy pace for a few years, then head back to Taos. But another part of me thinks I could be here for good, and both seem like great options. I also know it’s too soon to decide, but the conundrum interests me.

Which is more important to you: Opportunity or time?

Not an Option: The Ghost or the Ship

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:14:00 +0000

Confession time: I got no writing done this weekend. None. Because really, who has time when there’s serious frolicking to be done? And if there were any post-frolic time left, who could possibly get any writing done when that time was needed to recover from said frolicking?

I used to be a disciplined person. Really. But I’ve been in party mode since early December, and I don’t know if you’ve looked at a calendar lately, but we’re now more than halfway through January. Meaning my “I owe myself a celebration/frolicfest/slack day, because I worked hard last semester, and it’s the holidays!” excuse is long past its use-by date.

This morning, between bouts of self-loathing, I’m thinking about reader Destiny Kinal’s ass-kicking from last week. Specifically these words:

What have you sacrificed to write? What DIDN'T happen? What do you owe and to whom for the privilege or writing seriously? A child you didn’t have, a career you forfeited, time with a beloved?

Despite the persistence of the Having It All myth, it just isn’t possible. I don’t get to party all the time (unless I looked as good as this) and still expect to get the book written, much less have it be any good. Because good work requires sacrifice, and frankly, all I’ve been sacrificing lately are brain cells.

Since I’m all about the baby step I’ve decided to make small sacrifices first, so I actually have a chance for success. Here are two changes I’m making, starting now:

- No movies or reading until I’ve done my work for the day. No more “just this once” bullshit. Writing first, entertainment second.
- No more going out during the week; save socializing for the weekend. I’ve got to tone down the partying in general, so no more late nights. Period. Sleep and a clear head are critical for the work I’m trying to do. And I can’t worry about what I’m missing – my friends will still be there on the weekend.

That’s it for the moment. Nothing huge, nothing ultra-taxing, though I think those two changes will go a long way in getting me back on track.

What about you? Is there something you should give up?

Also, Moppet Moussaka, Stir-Fried Small Fry, or Toddler Tetrazzini

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 14:21:00 +0000

Remember when you were a kid and you were sure the boogeyman was about to burst from your closet to carry you off to some crazy monster’s potluck, where the entrée du jour was Small Child Stroganoff? And you were so scared that you pulled the covers up over your head and held your breath, in the hope that the fanged, hairy, wild-eyed boogeyman wouldn’t notice you and you’d avoid an untimely, and likely painful, death?

That’s what I’ve been doing with the memoir.

In my case, the boogeyman was what might be the most painful event of my life, and you know, fine, we all have painful events in our pasts, but in my case, it’s central to the book I’m trying to write. And not only was I not sure I’d be capable of writing the event well, I didn’t want to write it at all because it meant I’d have to relive said painful event, and in my case, even revisit the email that sealed it. Because I have the email taped into a journal, and I knew that looking at those words in Courier font would surely bring up a flood of emotions I’d been content to keep locked up in my own personal boogeyman closet.

But then I thought, Get over it and look at the damn email. Because really, how bad could it be?

Turns out, pretty f*ing bad. I haven’t cried in a long time, but I cried then. For myself and my family, for how many years I’ve spent caring what one selfish, cold-hearted man thinks.

(Doesn’t this make you want to run right out and start your own memoir? Whee!)

Once the tears stopped, I retyped that email verbatim into my manuscript. Then I finished drafting that section, and told myself it was okay to not read it again until I was ready to revise. And even though I feel like a big baby because of all this – especially in light of what’s happened in Haiti, for example – it felt good to cry, and even better to know that the remaining chapters won’t be as hard.

Which I’m starting today. The boogeyman is banished for now.

A Real Kick in the Ass Might Also Be Effective, But Since I Sit to Write It Might Just Be Counter-Productive

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:21:00 +0000

I just found out I was accepted into Sarah Manguso’s memoir master class at the Taos Summer Writers Conference. Manguso wrote a fantastic book called The Two Kinds of Decay, and this July, along with five other students, I’ll hopefully soak up at least a microcosm of her brilliance. She’ll also read our manuscripts and offer feedback, and I’m thrilled for all of it.

If you add that to my other hard deadlines – first draft due to my thesis advisor February 5, first revision due mid-April – you’d think I’d be racing to the computer every day to crank out the remaining chapters. I was a freelance writer for years and do well with deadlines like these, so you’d think I’d be on track, piling up the pages toward my goals.

You might also think that since I only work three days a week at the Feminist Press and the semester doesn’t start for another month, that I’d be sailing through the days, focused on the work but feeling relaxed and open.

You can see where this is going.

Because of course, that isn’t what’s happening at all. Sure, I got some writing done in Taos, although toward the end of my stay writing had fallen in priority below hanging out with friends, watching movies, naps, and uh, more naps.

I’m sure one of you kind readers will chime in and say, But, Deonne! You had an exhausting semester, and you needed the rest! Don’t be so hard on yourself!

To which I’d reply, that’s very sweet, thank you. Now, would you mind finishing my damn memoir? Because apparently I can’t be bothered. I’ll be over here, toasting a bagel and checking for new episodes of Glee.

It struck me that it’s one thing to write detailed lists of goals for the coming year (see any of my recent blog posts), and another thing entirely to move toward them. Which is my point. (And you thought today’s post was just me whining! Ha, ha!)

I guess what I’m looking for is commiseration, inspiration, or even a virtual kick in the ass. Tell me, tell us: How do you deal with procrastination?

And When I Say Culture, I Don’t Mean the Kind in a Petri Dish

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 18:28:00 +0000

Time for one last year-end wrap-up post, then we’ll move on to other important subjects, like Tiger Woods’ sex life.

On that note, I’m thinking about fun. As in – did I get enough? (Easy.) Did I turn that frown upside down more often than not in 2009?

One thing that feels dramatically different is that finally, FINALLY, limbo is on the wane. My last couple years have been all about change, but now it feels like I’m settling down and that makes me very, very smiley.

I’ve decided to stay in New York, I’m not selling (or renting) my house in Taos, and grad school is winding down. And here’s the kicker, something that’s highly unusual for me: After I graduate in May I don’t plan to start anything new. I’ll likely have the same jobs, live in the same apartment, be working on the same writing project, and know the same people as I do now.

Halle-f*ing-lujah.

What went well, fun-wise:

- Travel: six trips to Taos, plus AWP in Chicago
- Readings, museums, lectures, shows, and many, many good times with friends (and Mom)
- A general sense of happiness, because I know I’m exactly where I need to be

What didn’t go well:

- Nothing. Despite suffering from schedule insanity the entire year, I wasn’t deprived. (Wait, I forgot about the extremely un-fun run-up to the Great Kahler Mother/Daughter Moving Adventure 2009. So okay, one thing.)

What I want in 2010:

- More time to explore my neighborhood and the City in general. Take more long walks and photos.
- Even more culture and time with friends
- More trips to Taos (a few are already in the works), as well as AWP in Denver this April
- Make my Taos home and NY apartment even more comfortable. Settle in.

In terms of play time, what went well this year, what didn’t, and what do you want more (or less) of in 2010?

Points If Your Comment Includes the Word Hitachi

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:20:00 +0000

Since this is the first post of 2010, I thought I’d continue the year-end roundup with that evergreen topic of post-holiday conversation, health and fitness. You may be asking yourself: Does consuming only egg nog and candy canes increase my risk of diabetes? Also, does lifting a wine glass to my mouth – repeatedly – count as exercise? I mean, you know, because it’s a really big glass?

Here’s what went well health-wise for me:

- Revamped my diet to high-fiber whole foods, mostly vegan, most of the time
- Kept to a 4x/week workout schedule, despite my busiest year ever
- Adjusted my weight set-point down a few pounds because of both

What didn’t go well:

- 2008’s problem and subsequent surgery came back with a vengeance. Not fun. (Though it did result in the diet revamping mentioned above. How’s that for glass-is-half-full thinking?)
- Too much stress-induced drinking and eating (though the fear of this experience kept that second one in check much of the time)

What I want in 2010:

- Keep up my good eating and exercise habits
- Find ways to handle stress that don’t involve Malbec or Ruffles. (Have at it in the comments, readers. The bawdier the better.)

In terms of your health, what went well this year, what didn’t, and what do you want more (or less) of in 2010?

P.S. Don’t miss this hilarious take on common mistakes, “10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling.” (Thanks to Ayana for the link.)

Since I Only Know the First Line, the Off-Key Factor Should Be Minimal

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:20:00 +0000

Here it is, the end of the year. A day like any other. Except it features a lot more champagne consumption and sloppy proclamations of love and off-key renditions of “Auld Lang Syne.”

Or maybe that’s just me.

Regardless of what this day brings you, my wish is that you’re feeling hopeful for 2010. (Despite this latest terrorism attempt. I can’t even bear to think what could have happened to all those people on that plane.)

Whoa, what’s with the downer! Hey, look over here!

Okay, whew. I feel better. Now, let’s talk get back to talking about what went well this year, what didn’t, and what we want for 2010, this time in the world of work.

What went well for me:

- Landed two great jobs: administrative manager (way more fun than the title) at the Feminist Press, and adjunct professor in the English department at Queens College

What didn’t go well:

- Nothing. I’m feeling confident and effective in both jobs.

What I want in 2010:

- More hours, particularly after I graduate in May. I need to start earning enough to cover expenses instead of using savings. (See my year-end money post for more on that.)
- Even more creativity and efficiency in my work

In your work world, what went well this year, what didn’t, and what do you want more (or less) of in 2010?

P.S. If you’re not entirely overwhelmed by all the year-end roundups, here’s another one: the “Year in Picture Shows” from Good.is. I’ve featured these before, but here they are in one place. Enjoy.

Don’t Even Ask What I Do With Mail Merge

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 22:32:00 +0000

This week marks the beginning of the big push to finish the first draft of my memoir, so today I’m thinking about creativity. For me that means writing, but for you that might mean painting, singing, or gardening. For all of us, regardless of if we do it for money or fun, expressing our creativity is crucial to happiness.

Having a creative streak is also incredibly sexy. I’ve conducted an entirely unscientific poll, and found that creative people get laid 67% more often than people who think the height of artistry is changing the font from black to orange on their spreadsheets.

Ha, ha! Put down that butcher knife, Ms. Insulted CPA! I’m allowed to use this example because I actually do this, and I’ll let you in on a secret: Sometimes I even change the font to lime green, because I am that wild.

What went well in my creative life this year:

- Drafted 75% of the memoir
- Wrote three solid personal essays
- Increased the length and frequency of my writing sessions
- Was editor-in-chief of Queens College’s literary journal Ozone Park
- Did four successful readings
- Got 75% of the way through the MFA
- Saw real improvement as both a writer and editor

What didn’t go as well:

- Got a few rejections from literary journals, but really, the fact that I only got a few means I didn’t submit nearly enough. I should be getting bucket-loads of them, because it takes a whole lot of no-thank-you’s to get one yes-please.
- Too much self-deprecation. Insecurity isn’t only unattractive, it’s self-defeating.

What I want in 2010:

- Finish the first draft of the memoir and at least three major revisions. Strive for excellence.
- More readings
- At least a couple pieces published in literary journals
- Daily writing practice
- More confidence in my work

In your creative life, what went well this year, what didn’t, and what do you want more (or less) of in 2010?

And We May or May Not Have Forgotten to Lock the Bathroom Door

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 02:58:00 +0000

For today’s year-end wrap-up let’s talk about relationships – family, friends, lovers, and colleagues. Feel free to include pets, but if you’re one of those people who sends his dog to a shrink, don’t tell me because I don’t want to offend when I ask what the hell is wrong with you.

What went well in the relationship arena this year:

- My mother and I are very close, and grow more so all the time.
- I left some dear friends behind in Taos, but have stayed in close touch and those friendships are still thriving.
- I’ve deepened friendships with people I’ve met in New York, and since I plan to be here awhile, look forward to more of the same.
- I’m surrounded by colleagues at the Feminist Press and Queens College that I not only admire, but like. I never dread going to work.
- I went on some really fun dates that may or may not have involved making out in the subway and restaurant bathrooms.

What didn’t go as well:

- A promising new romantic relationship went awry, but I learned two big lessons. First, don’t rush. If it’s real, it will still be there tomorrow, next month, next season. Let it grow. Second, even if on paper someone looks like who you should love, if you don’t feel that intense smiling-all-the-time passion, it’s probably not meant to be.

What I want in 2010:

- A romantic relationship that grows organically, and has the potential for a deep, lasting connection.
- I’ve alluded to my terrible relationship with my father, and since it’s way too much to explain here (Hello, memoir!), I’ll just say that since building a relationship with him isn’t an option, I’d like to begin at least making peace with the lack.

In your relationship arena, what went well this year, what didn’t, and what do you want more (or less) of in 2010?

I’m Pretty Sure My Ova Aren’t the Freshest, So Selling Them for Cash Probably Isn’t an Option

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:36:00 +0000

Last year I did two end-of-year posts, one about what went well in 2008, and the other about what didn’t. Today I started making notes on all the things I could talk about for this year – creative life, money, work, relationships, health, fun – and pictured myself writing a big, beautiful blog post, full of wisdom and insight.

I woke up an hour later, my face on my desk in a puddle of drool.

Apparently I don’t have quite the energy I did last December – file that under health – so this time I’m going to focus on one topic per post. I’ll talk about what went well, what didn’t, and what I want more (or less) of in 2010, and then you can ask those questions of yourself. Won’t that be fun?

Sure, my fun standards might be skewed. But it will definitely be more fun than getting to your gate just in time to hear your flight’s been canceled. And it might even be more fun than your office holiday party, unless you work at the Feminist Press, in which case the office party rocked.

Okay, now I’m just bragging. Moving on.

What went well in the money department:

- I coasted for most of the year on prepaid rent, which meant my monthly cash outlay seemed like a lot less
- I renewed my lease for another year at the same rate
- A friend who owed me money paid back a chunk of it
- I didn’t burn through all my savings
- This year’s surgery cost only a small co-pay thanks to my health coverage through the Press
- Despite an incredible 33% drop in value early this year, my stocks bounced back to within grasping distance of pre-recession levels

Not bad, considering we’re living through the worst economy of our lifetime. Here’s what didn’t go as well:

- The flipside of coasting on prepaid rent is that it ran out in November, so now I’m writing a giant monthly check to the landlord. Meaning my monthly cash outlay is now realistically horrifying.
- Because of my ridiculous schedule this fall, even though I picked up extra income as an adjunct professor, I had to cut my hours at the Press by two thirds, so I didn’t remotely make enough to cover my bills.

Despite the use of the word horrifying, I’d say I escaped major calamity on the what-didn’t-go-well front. As far as 2010 goes, here’s what I want more of:

Money! That was a gimme, I know. Though I suppose there are some of you out there who may want less money in 2010, because you’re in some 127% tax bracket and one more dollar would only push you over into a riches-induced coma. Fine.

But for me, and probably you, more money in 2010 is a good goal. I’ve got one more semester of poverty, but when I graduate in May I can focus on increasing my income. More hours, better paid work, bank robbery, I don’t know, but I’ll have time to focus on fattening my piggy bank.

In your financial world, what went well in 2009, what didn’t, and what do you want more or less of in 2010?

Throwing and Slithering and Sticking, Oh My!

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:11:00 +0000

I’ve been thinking about what Barb Johnson said in Monday’s interview. “Once I’m in motion, it doesn’t really matter what direction I’m moving in because I write to discover, and I can’t discover unless I’m writing.”

These days, I’m in motion and life is all discovery. I’ll post my 2009 What Went Well and What Didn’t list on Monday, but I’m starting to think about where this year has landed me, and I hope you’re thinking about your year, too. Because though there’s no way to plan what comes next, we can at least learn from our successes and failures.

A new friend and I were sharing what we’ve done and where we’ve been, and after hearing my, uh, crowded life résumé, he commented that I must be really disciplined. I said I guess, but really, I just do what I want. I’ve never been good at pursuing the “sensible” option, and always lead with my heart.

Not to speak badly of my head – though there is that flat spot, which means I’d make one wildly unattractive bald woman – but it doesn’t get nearly the airtime my heart does. And so far, so good.

I’m from the throw-it-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks school of life management. (I realize “life management” is an oxymoron, but go with it.) A year ago there was a whole lot of throwing and not nearly enough sticking, and my primary thought was, Holy hell I have no friends in this biggest, baddest of cities and my classmates are way more talented than me and oh my God how much is my rent again?

But since then, I’ve made huge progress. I have two friends.

Ha, ha! But seriously, the rent. Christ.

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes motion is more important than direction, because direction emerges. First, the motion: Throw stuff against the wall. Then, direction: Notice what sticks, versus what slithers into a pile on the floor. Then: Do more of what sticks. Then: Please, clean up the floor, because that pile is just gross.

More of This World or Maybe Another

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:40:00 +0000

I met Barb Johnson at the AROHO retreat in August, after she’d won the 2009 Gift of Freedom Award. I was knocked out when she read a sample from her debut, a collection of linked short stories called More of This World or Maybe Another.

Then I got to hang out with her over a couple meals in the cafeteria, and was struck by her quick wit, easygoing New Orleans charm, and willingness to talk writing with me, an admiring stranger.

Then there was the Pimm’s Cup. But you’ll have to read the book to learn more about that.

More of This World is terrific. I’m one of those readers who makes notes in the margins and underlines particularly brilliant language, and with Barb’s book there was so much of that I was writing all over every page. Finally I put my pencil down and immersed myself in the stories, fell in love with the characters and the setting, and got my heart broken a little.

I imagine you’ll do the same. You can buy the book here, and it makes a great holiday gift, so pick up an extra copy for someone you love – the price is right, and it doesn’t require a litter box.

Barb was gracious enough to take time out of her busy schedule – she’s in the throes of book tour – to answer a few questions for us.

How much time did you spend on the first draft of More of This World or Maybe Another, and how much time on revision?

The book was my thesis, and it is made up of the stories I wrote while I was in school. So there was quite a bit of a learning curve going on. I was learning to write a short story as I went along. “What Was Left” was the first story. I think it was about sixty pages. Part of learning how to write a short story was learning what details are nice but don’t necessarily belong.

In general, it takes me about five drafts to get to the story I’m after, and that was true of the individual stories as well as the book as a whole. I love to edit. Editing is like trim carpentry, which is what I was doing for the twenty plus years that came before getting my MFA. I edit in stages and not while I’m trying to get the story right. That part is like a little game.

So back to your original question. It took me four years to complete the MFA program and that’s how long it took to complete the book and link the stories together and there was revision during that time. I would say my average rough draft-to-revision time ration is 1:5. I just realized that’s about the same building-to-finishing ratio I used in carpentry. Hmm.

What was the most challenging thing about writing the book, and how did you conquer it?

I didn’t know I was writing a book while I was writing those stories, so I didn’t have to face the bigness of the notion of writing a book. I’m writing a book, she gasped. While I was in school, in addition to the short stories I was required to turn in, I kept trying to write a novel that I didn’t really have time to write. I would sail along for about a hundred pages and then find myself in that vast ocean of possibility, completely alone. The middle of a novel, I would say is the hardest part of writing a book. I conquered it by writing the way I read: not necessarily from first to last. If I was thinking about the ending of the novel, I’d spend some time writing that scene. Anything that occurred to me, I wrote. Once I’m in motion, it doesn’t really matter what direction I’m moving in because I write to discover, and I can’t discover unless I’m writing.

What’s the best thing (or things) you’ve done for your writing career?

Taking the risk of going into debt in order to return to school and get an MFA. I knew that if I didn’t put myself in the position of having to write, of having permission to write, then writing would forever continue to slip to the bottom of things I was fixing to do.

My goal going in was to learn as much as I could about writing from anyone who had something to teach me. And that was everyone. Putting myself in the middle of a group of people who were earnestly committed to learning to write and to publish made all the difference. My other goal was to create a sustainable writing habit that could realistically be carried over into a working life that might not have writing at its center. I had time to figure out how I worked best and when. I had to juggle writing and my part-time job as a graduate assistant. A little training wheels experiment but an important one because it forced me to squeeze in work around my writing as opposed to squeezing in writing around my work. It was an important shift in my thinking about the value of my writing.

But so many other advantages issued from that single decision to go back to school. While I was there, one of my jobs was to edit the school’s national literary magazine, a job I couldn’t have walked into elsewhere. I also worked at the university’s press. After Katrina, our program didn’t have a website. No one had a website, and if we hadn’t taken it upon ourselves to build a new one, we’d probably still be without one. I taught myself how to use Dreamweaver, which the writing program provided. I built two websites, one for the writing program and one for the literary magazine. And then I had a marketable skill which, unlike carpentry, didn’t require any heavy lifting. And could be done at home at whatever time suited me. A good match for a writing life.

What’s next for you?

I’m working on a novel that picks up where the collection of short stories leaves off. Same setting. A few new characters. I’m pretty jazzed about settling back into writing.

Sanity is Overrated, Anyway

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:28:00 +0000

This is my last week of classes, and in the interest of retaining at least a shred of my sanity, Life on the High Wire is taking a one-week break. I’ll be back on Monday, December 14 with renewed vim and vigor, or at the very least, the aforementioned shred and a slightly shorter To Do list. See you then.

Taken Moments Before Little Stephanie Was Doomed to a Life of Therapy and Xanax

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:07:00 +0000

I’m tapped out. What do I do when I have no energy, yet it’s too late for a nap and way too early for bed? I cruise the Web, killing time and quite possibly brain cells.

If I want something to nourish my intellect and provoke thought, I might go to Ted, and watch one of the jillion amazing talks archived on the website.

If that level of attention seems impossible, I might wander over to Very Short List and see what’s new on their radar. (The daily emails are a good idea too, and they’re short, natch.)

If reading actual words is too taxing, I might go to National Geographic Photography for some visual stimulation. The photos are breathtaking.

Or, if that requires too much brainpower, I check in on everyone’s favorite Japanese cat, Maru. This video is typical of the strangely delightful offerings over there.

Lastly, if I’m barely able to sit up and hold my mouth closed, there’s always Awkward Family Photos, which never, ever fails to amuse. Some of the photos are downright scary, and I’m not referring to the terrifying ‘80s fashions. Check this one, for example. (No children were harmed in the taking of this photo. At least, I hope not.)

Have a great weekend, everyone. And stay away from large, demented rabbits.

When Failure Is a Good Thing

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:09:00 +0000

Since it’s November 30, here’s my NaMeWriMo update: I failed.

That’s the bad news. Here’s the good: I wrote 16,000 new words in November, pushing me over 62,000 total for my memoir. Even though I didn’t hit my goal of 80,000, I wrote almost half what I’d hoped for.

Without the big audacious goal hanging out there, I would have never written that many words in one of my busiest months ever. There’s something to be said for setting the bar way high, then hitting a lower, but still respectable, mark.

Why I fell short:

I didn’t tap into the NaNoWriMo support system. They run local and virtual write-ins, and I didn’t attend any, which meant I didn’t get to commiserate with other writers, and my goal didn’t feel as real or as urgent.

I didn’t realize how exhausted I’d be in November. It’s been a long, intense semester, and by the time I was two months into it, I had about as much energy as Santa on December 26. (He’s real, right? Right?!?)

I didn’t anticipate how much time my other commitments would take, like studying, teaching, grading, writing non-memoir assignments and lesson plans, etc.

Next time, here’s what I’ll do differently:

Build a support system, then use it. Meet with friends, create a virtual network, put together local get-togethers with people pursuing a similar goal.

Rest up ahead of time. Even if it’s for a week or so, take it easy and get ready for the big push.

Don’t pick an ultra-busy month. In this case I didn’t have a choice, since November is NaNoWriMo, but when I do this again, I’ll pick a slow month, maybe in the summer.

What about you? Any tips for taking on a big audacious goal?

I Could Do Without That Person Who Never Makes Room on the Subway, Though

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:09:00 +0000

I generally don’t slow down enough to think about anything other than, when is that assignment due? And, did I remember to put pants on? But Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse to stop moving and take a moment for gratitude. (And hell, get those pants off.)

What I’m thankful for:

- Friends and family. I’m feeling seriously untethered these days, and would fly off into the stratosphere if I didn’t have a crew of smart, caring people keeping me grounded.

- Surgery-free for four months! I think I’ll celebrate with a big bowl of lentils!

- A community of creative thinkers and writers. Life on the High Wire readers, my kind and gifted friends, the women of AROHO, staff and interns at the Feminist Press, and my classmates, mentors, and colleagues at Queens College.

- Enough savings to finish grad school without having to work full-time. (I will not worry about what happens next summer. I will not worry about what happens next summer…)

- Living blocks from Central Park and world-class museums.

- The refuge of my house in Taos.

- Comfort food: Miso soup, Pad See Ew, fried egg and facon sandwiches. Malbec, which is its own food group.

What are you thankful for?

I’m taking the rest of the week to write, catch-up, and relax, so have a wonderful holiday, everyone. I hope yours is filled with good people (or solitude, if that’s what you want), good food, and time to do absolutely nothing. See you in a week.

Thankfully, There is No Sarah Palin Bookmark

noreply@blogger.com (deonne kahler) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:31:00 +0000

This week’s stolen goods are a bit random because, well, I’m too tired to pull together a coherent set of treats. Sorry. They’re good finds though, so don’t be too mad, and I promise to be more organized soon. Like, in June.

From the Quips and Tips for Successful Writing blog, here are “Four Signs You Need to Reevaluate Your Writing or Publication Goals.” The points are relevant to any kind of project, so take a look if you’re stalling out. They’re especially timely since we’re heading into New Year’s resolution season. (Next month I’ll post my thoughts on what went well and didn’t in 2009, as well as what I want to accomplish in 2010.)

Because of Veteran’s Day and the horrific shooting at Fort Hood, I’ve been thinking about the soldiers serving in the Iraq war. These photo essays give an intimate look at the reality of military life: the first series is by Richard Mosse, called “Breach,” and the second is Ian Fisher’s take on being an “American Soldier.” The photos are mesmerizing, beautiful, and poignant.

To lighten the mood, free stuff! The Federal Reserve offers historical figure bookmarks, and doesn’t even charge for shipping. (Insert sarcastic comment about the U.S. government here.) I got Susan B. Anthony, but other choices include Sacagawea, George Washington Carver, and John F. Kennedy.

Have a great weekend, everyone.