I’ve got one new favorite book: On Writing by Stephen King. It was a great experience reading it. Not only did I learn a lot from the book, but also I love the writing style. I wish I could write like that!

Moreover, I found that many lessons from the book are applicable not just to writing, but also to life and career in general. They are essential for being successful in what you do.

Here are 17 lessons I learn from On Writing:

1. Do what you love

I know that this advice has been repeated many times. But it’s true. And King put it in a way I’ve never seen before:

For me, not working is the real work. When I’m writing, it’s all the playground…

I love the way he put it. Not working is the real work. Writing time is all the playground. Can you say that about your work? I enjoy what I’m doing, but I still can’t say that not working is the real work. This guy loves his craft at a different level and he’s serious about it. He made similar statements several times throughout the book.

Now, what if you do something that you don’t love? King’s advice is to move to something else:

If there’s no joy in it, it’s just no good. It’s best to go on to some other area, where… the fun quotient higher.

How high is the fun quotient of your work? Is there joy in it? Or is joy the last word you would associate with your work?

2. Practice, practice, practice

Hard practice is a must for being successful. In fact, this is why it’s important for you to do what you love. If you enjoy what you’re doing, you’ll be able to endure the hard practice needed for success.

The sort of strenuous reading and writing program I advocate – four to six hours a day, every day – will not seem strenuous if you really enjoy doing these things…

… practice is invaluable (and should feel good, really not like practice at all)…

If you don’t enjoy the journey, it’s unlikely that you will be able to pay the price for success. Joy is a big factor that makes the difference between those who make it and those who don’t.

3. Be serious

If you can take it seriously, we can do business.

Only if you are serious about what you do can you expect to achieve meaningful results. Many people enjoy what they do but they do it only as a hobby. Being serious means being committed to master your field.

4. Ignore naysayers

If you write… someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that’s all.

Naysayers are there. It’s just a fact of life. There are always people who try to discourage you no matter how hard you’ve tried. So rather than getting discouraged by them, simply ignore them and move on.

5. Have a supporter

Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference.

This applies not just to writing. Whatever field you choose, you need to have someone who support you. You need to have someone who still believes in you when others don’t.

6. Immerse yourself in the field

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.

Do you want to get good at something? Fill your life with it. Live it and breathe it. More than just making you familiar with the field, it sharpens your intuition to the point where you can make sound judgment intuitively (like what Malcolm Gladwell discussed in Blink).

7. Be consistent

I like to get ten pages a day, which amounts to 2,000 words… only under dire circumstances do I allow myself to shutdown before I get my 2,000 words.

The longer you keep to these basics, the easier the act of writing will become.

Being consistent isn’t easy, but it pays off. While what you do daily might seem simple, doing it consistently will make a big difference in the long term.

8. Study the work of others

You have to read widely, constantly refining (and redefining) your own work as you do so.

Studying the work of others gives you two important benefits. First, it teaches you about the right way to do things. Second, it teaches you about the wrong way to do things. Both are useful.

9. Study the market

You should also pick up the writers’ journal and buy a copy of Writer’s Market…

… the most important thing you can do for yourself is read the market.

In addition to studying the work of others, you should study the market. You need to know what the current state of the market is. What are the opportunities? What are the challenges? Where is the market going? By understanding the market, you’ll be able to make the right decisions.

10. Spot ideas

Your job isn’t to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.

To get ideas, rather than trying to find something new on your own, you just need to spot the ideas around you. That’s why one key to innovation is being a good observer.

11. Keep the momentum going

Once I start work on a project, I don’t stop and I don’t slow down unless I absolutely have to.

When the momentum is there, you can complete your work with much less time and energy. So keep the momentum going and don’t lose it.

12. Get the first draft out as quickly as possible

…downloading what’s in my head directly to the page, I write as fast as I can…

Don’t try to be perfect the first time. Simply get the first draft of your work out and refine from there. Working in iterations is the best way to get something done.

13. Get rid of the inessentials

When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story.

In your first iteration, there is a good chance that many unnecessary things are still there. That’s fine because your job is to get the first version done as quickly as possible. But in the next iterations, you should get rid of them. Leave only what needs to be there and nothing else.

14. Be your own first customer

I am, after all, not just the novel’s creator but its first reader.

When you become the creator of a work, it’s often difficult to see from the perspective of the customers. But that’s important because otherwise your work might go to the the wrong direction. So be your own first customer. Take a critical look at your work. Is it something that you want to use? Is there anything that you need to change?

15. Don’t do it for the money

Do you do it for the money, honey? The answer is no. Don’t now and never did… I never set a single word down on paper with the thought of being paid for it.

Money is a bad motivation to have. It could make you ignore your heart and you might end up living someone else’s life instead of your own.

16. Do it for the joy

I have written because it fulfilled me… I did it for the pure joy of the thing. And if you can do it for joy, you can do it forever.

This is perhaps the most important lesson in the book. If you do something for the joy of it, not only can you endure the difficult journey to success but also your life will be fulfilling. What’s better than that?

17. Do it to enrich others and yourself

Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous,… In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well.

A nice conclusion of the book. If you live a life that enriches others and yourself, you’re living a great life.

Photo by Reinante El Pintor de Fuego

Note: This is a guest post from Srinivas Rao of The Skool of Life

Tony Robbins once said there are two things that motivate people to make dramatic changes in their lives: inspiration and desperation. As crazy it might sound, there is actually tremendous power in hitting rock bottom or  a low-point in your life. The last year has been one of dramatic positive changes for me because my life more or less fell apart in front of my eyes when I finished graduate school a year ago:

• I literally ran out money and my bank balance was ZERO.
• I had to move back to my parent’s house at the age of 31 (kind of embarrassing)
• I couldn’t find a job for 8 months

I had no choice, but to start making some major changes in my life.  I was at a personal low point. The great thing however was there was nowhere to go but up. My blog served as a great personal development tool to make changes in my life and continues to do so today:

• I have a job that I absolutely LOVE
• I’m more financially responsible than I’ve ever been
• I have a great network of contacts/supporters

Let’s look at how you can use the power of hitting rock bottom to your advantage.

How To Take Advantage of Hitting Rock Bottom

• Reframe the Situation: The first thing you will need to do if you have hit rock bottom is reframe the situation. In my commencement speech that I wrote on my blog a while back I talked about the distinctions between being spiritually/emotionally broke and financially broke. The latter actually is much easier to recover from if you can conquer the former.  The key is viewing your current situation as an opportunity to take your life to a level far beyond where you are at today. I honestly can say that the 8 failures that have lead to me where I’m at today have been incredibly powerful lessons and I actually am starting to realize that many failures are actually just a part of the path to success.
• Nothing to Lose: The beauty of hitting rock bottom is that you truly have nothing to lose. When you hear stories of homeless people spending their time in libraries and filling their minds with knowledge to eventually become millionaires, it makes you realize that you have tremendous power to change your life if you can just tap into it. The beauty of having nothing to lose is that it gives you the power to be completely detached from outcomes, one of the biggest things that gets in the way of accomplishing goals.
• Big Risks/Big Goals: With absolutely nothing to lose, you are in the in perfect position to take big risks and set big goals. When you are not at rock bottom you can actually get caught in the trap of your comfort zone.  When you are at a low point, then you have a tendency to really push the envelope of what’s possible. Many bloggers have been forced into the situation they are in (me included) because of other circumstances. The byproduct is that we now live a life that is far better than what we had originally imagined.

If you are at a low point in your life, I encourage you to give some thought to why this could be a defining moment that completely changes the trajectory of your life. If you’re asking yourself “why am I in this situation, this sucks?”, then you are setting yourself up for failure. You’re going to need to shift your focus and ask yourself the question “How can I use this opportunity to take my life to the next level?”. If you do that you’ll find that dramatic positive change is inevitable.

Srinivas Rao is a personal development blogger/surfer who explores various life lessons inspired by riding waves at his blog, The Skool of Life. He’s also the host/co-founder of BlogcastFM, a podcast to help you take your blog to the next level.

Photo by Niffty

Note: This is a guest post from Steve Scott of Steve Scott Site

You’ve probably noticed that the market is saturated with self-help guides, audio books, and outrageously-priced seminars by motivational speakers. This is simply proof that most people enjoy receiving advice from others.

Here are a few “tips” that I’ve discovered on my own. Some of them are a bit humorous, but most of them are common sense. I think if you do your best to take them to heart, you’ll start to notice a clearer head and a bigger smile on your face.

1. Wake up at a reasonable hour. Everyone’s schedule is different, so if you work the night shift, your “reasonable hour” may be noon, but it’s a good idea to wake up before you have to. When I was in college I had the horrible habit of crawling out of bed ten minutes before I had to be in class. Although nearly everyone I knew at the time did the same exact thing, looking back, I see how stupid it really was. If I have a ten o’clock appointment, I wake up at seven so I can get in some exercise, take a shower, and eat breakfast before I run out the door.

2. Think of something that you have to look forward to. Once the alarm goes off and the initial confusion of “Ugh, it’s already morning!” has ended, think of something cool that you have going on in your life at the moment. Yeah, it sounds hokey, but it’s pretty helpful … and I’m sure you can think of something. Come on, anything! It can be as simple as, “Oh yeah! It’s Thursday, and that means it’s almost Friday! Weekend, here I come!” or something even better, like “The FedEx man is gonna deliver my new flat screen TV today!”

3. Look in the mirror. I’ve seen plenty of people in the movies and on TV shows who look at themselves in the mirror each morning and say things like, “You’re awesome!” or “You can do it!” before they start their day. I know this sounds relatively insane, but it helps—and I speak from experience. If you can’t tell yourself that you’re good at something and actually believe it, why should you believe anyone else who says it?

4. Take a shower and get dressed. This may be a no-brainer, but spending five or ten minutes in the shower will help clear your head and make you feel a whole lot better. Hopefully you can even find clean clothes to wear. (You know, ones that were hanging in the closet as opposed to the ones that are still in the laundry basket on the floor, wrinkled and covered in cat hair since Fluffy decided to take a nap on them.)

5. Scan the news online, read the “real” newspaper for a few minutes, or tune into the news channel on TV for a few minutes. However you get your news is up to you, but it’s a good idea to stay on top of things that are going on in the world, even though lately most of the news makes everyone angry. You shouldn’t be ignorant about issues that may affect you personally, and you’ll want to have firsthand knowledge as to what’s happening in case someone asks you about it later or tries to force their opinions on you as “the truth.”

6. Eat breakfast. Eating breakfast is a biggie that a lot of people skip, so be sure to eat something. A container of yogurt, a banana, maybe a granola bar as you run out the door … just be sure to eat. You’ll need energy to get through the morning. I like Starbucks just as much as the next guy, but a cup of coffee is not breakfast—even if it has chocolate syrup in it and whipped cream on top.

7. Make a to-do-list each day. I run my own internet business and mainly work from home (or a hotel, or wherever “home” may be at the time) so it’s a huge benefit to know what I have going on each day. Even if you spend your days at the office, you’ll still want to have some kind of agenda to follow. Set up a schedule on your Blackberry or write things down on a legal pad, but do it somehow … or you’ll wind up forgetting something important.

8. Get to work safely. Again, I mainly work from home, but if you drive to work – or ride your bike to work, or take the bus or train – do it safely. This is also why it’s a good idea to wake up relatively early. Rushing leads to speeding and speeding leads to tickets or fender benders … which will make you even later than you were going to be in the first place.

9. Take a deep breath and count to 3 when something starts to bug you. Co-workers, clients, things that aren’t going as smoothly as possible … there are dozens of things that can easily start to drive you nuts at the drop of a hat. You don’t want to wind up getting so frustrated with someone or something that you wind up going postal, so close your eyes and take a deep breath as you mentally count to three before you say something you may regret. Most likely, whatever’s bugging you isn’t as bad as you think it is.

10. Periodically take a break … away from your desk! Be sure to walk away from your desk every few hours. You’ll wind up getting frustrated if you sit there staring at your monitor nonstop, and your eyes will start to hurt. Getting up for five or ten minutes every three or four hours will not blow your entire day, believe me. You also need to take a break and eat lunch. Sitting at your desk with a Snickers bar that you got from the vending machine doesn’t count.

11. Tie up as many loose ends as possible before the work day ends. We all know that some days you’ll wind up working later than expected, but don’t make it a habit or your boss (or you) will start to assume that you really do work twelve hours each day even though you get paid for eight. Get as many things done as possible each day, but try to leave on time. There’s always tomorrow.

12. Eat dinner. I had to stress the importance of eating breakfast and lunch, so of course I’m going to remind you to eat dinner! And if today is one of those days you wind up putting in some overtime, get up from your desk to eat dinner. A carton of Chinese take-out every night of the week will begin to affect your waistline and your mood. Try to eat dinner with other people, if possible. Everyone should have friends. (You know, besides Fluffy the cat, even though I’m sure he’s cool.)

13. Enjoy a hobby after work. Whether it’s taking a bike ride or a walk, watching a movie, reading a novel, it’s a good idea to have some sort of hobby besides work! Spend an hour or two doing something that you enjoy to help get your mind off of work.

14. Unwind a bit before bed, and get ready to repeat the cycle tomorrow! Whether “unwinding” involves the above-mentioned hobby or something else, take time to chill out for a bit before hitting the sack. This will give you the ability to get a good night’s sleep, wake up, and do it all over again … and if this happens on Friday night, you probably don’t have to go to work tomorrow! Even better!

Yes, some of these fourteen tips might seem a bit common sense. The funny thing is they really work. I guarantee that implementing them into your daily routine will make you feel happier and more excited about the possibilities that each day brings!

Steve Scott is currently realizing one of his dreams by traveling throughout the world. To read more about his adventures and how he’s able to afford this reality, check out his blog at Steve Scott Site.

Photo by R’eyes

One year from now, I don’t want to be the same person as I am today. I want to grow. I want to become better and better.

One way to do that, I realize, is by expanding my personal capacity. Expanding my capacity means being able to do things I wasn’t capable of before. It means being able to handle things I previously couldn’t. If you consciously decide to expand your capacity, you will become a different person in the future. You will look back and see how much you’ve grown.

Here are eight tips to expand your personal capacity:

1. Take a new challenge

Expanding your  capacity is like weight lifting. If you are able to lift 100 pounds but keep lifting that all the time, your capacity won’t increase. You need to move to the next level and lift something heavier. It will feel difficult at first, but over time it will become easy. Then, once you become comfortable with it, you should lift something even heavier.

Similarly, to expand your capacity you must take new challenges beyond your comfort zone. Work on something you aren’t comfortable with.

Look at your current situation. How long have you been doing what you’re doing? When was the last time you took a new challenge? If you find yourself in comfort zone then shake things up. Find a new challenge and take it.

In my case, I realize that I didn’t take a new challenge in the last year or two. I lifted the same weight for far too long. Now that I learn the importance of expanding my capacity, I’m working on a new challenge.

2. Make sure it’s exciting

When you are looking for a challenge to take, make sure that it’s something you are excited about. I’ve tried to work on a challenge I wasn’t excited about. The results? Wasted time, money, and effort. Working on something that’s not exciting feels like a chore. I must push myself to do it.

On the other hand, if I work on something exciting then working on it feels effortless. Sure, there are times when I need to motivate myself, but the total amount of energy needed to get things going is much, much lower. Furthermore, I enjoy the time working on it. I want more of it, not less. As a result, I move further ahead.

3. Make it fun

Not only should you take an exciting challenge, but also you should make the process fun. In my case, I like to think of a challenge as a game. I have a challenge to overcome and I have some resources at hand. I need to allocate my resources wisely and work my way over the obstacles. There are surprises and pitfalls along the way. Isn’t it just like a game?

Thinking of a challenge as a game makes me more excited about it. It also makes it easier to handle failure. After all, loses are normal in games. They are something I need to go through if I want to become a better player. Rather than discouraging me, they make me even more motivated to increase my playing skill.

4. Focus

If the challenge is beyond your comfort zone, as it should be, then it won’t be easy. You need to focus your heart and mind on it. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Don’t try to do too many things at once. That’s a sure recipe for failure.

5. Invest

Some people are willing to take a new challenge but hesitant to invest their time and money in it. But if it’s a worthy challenge then it’s worth your time and money. There’s no reason not to invest in it.

Remember the game metaphor above? The resources you have in a game are there to help you achieve the game’s objective. You should invest them in weapons, buildings, and whatever other tools you need to achieve the objective. Similarly, you should invest your resources to expand your capacity. Don’t do it above your mean, of course, but you get the point.

6. Take risks

The more you know about something, the less the risks involved. But in the beginning, when you are working on something new, risks are inevitable. Don’t be afraid to take them. Those who aren’t willing to take risks may never move to the next level. You might fail but you will learn a lot in the process. They will make you a better player.

People who just play safe will regret all the opportunities they’ve wasted in life. I don’t want to be that kind of people. I might fail, but at least I won’t regret myself for not trying.

7. Build the desire to “kill”

Your progress will be faster if you have the desire to “kill” your “enemy”, which in this case is the challenge you take. This desire will fuel your effort every day to get better at what you do. It will also make you more resilient in the face of difficulties and failures. Without such a desire, your progress will be slow.

8. Move on

Once you achieve certain level of mastery in a particular challenge, move on and take a new, more difficult challenge. Don’t stop and be comfortable with where you are. Keep expanding your capacity.

Photo by Jakob Montrasio

Note: This is a guest post from Lisa H of Getting to Zen 

We have all worked at places that we were less than excited to get up in the mornings and go to; this is an awful feeling. It is much more pleasurable, and less stressful to go to a work environment that is filled with positivity and enjoyment. A positive work environment is not only important for our physical, mental and emotional health, but is also important for the results that we produce for the company. The better we feel at work, the more likely we will take pride in our job activities and be loyal towards our place of employment.

So let’s look at some ways to create a positive working environment.

1. Accept the right position

The first step to creating a positive work environment is to secure a position that positively suits you. Before you accept a position, you should know what your key skills are; what type of work you want to do, what kind of role you would like, where you see yourself in five years, and what kind of environment you thrive in. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you to recognize those opportunities that meet those criteria, giving you a running start.

2. Be a positive person

Present an attitude of positivity and approachability. Show coworkers that you are available and wiling to help them. Walk around with a smile, and make eye contact with those you pass in the hallways. Be friendly, pleasant and nice. Talk with kindness, encouragement, civility, and respect. Ask questions before making assumptions. Be fun to work with. Listen to others with interest; and finally, don’t complain, whine or gossip.

3. Take responsibility

Take responsibility for the direction of your career. Ultimately you are responsible for creating an environment in which you can learn and grow. The longer you stay on a “dead-end” career path, the harder it will be to stay positive. If you are not happy with the current directions of your career, communicate that to your manager if you wish to stay with the company; otherwise, look for another job that you feel is a better match.

4. Communicate with your manager

Meet with your manager regularly to ensure you are on track for meeting his or her expectations, and your performance goals. Don’t always wait for your manager to reach out to you. Informing your manager about the status of the activities you are performing shows that you are credible, trustworthy, interested in the business, and committed to your job. You may even consider sending a weekly status report indicating what you are working on, what you have completed, and what you have pending.

5. Be social

Interact with your colleagues in a non-working way. Join a company team or group. Bring a few games in that you can play over your lunch break. Celebrate birthdays, and other special events. Cultivate working friendships. Organize a competitive sporting event. Organize a departmental pot luck lunch. There are so many things that you can do to connect with others while at work.

So, if you are wondering what a positive work environment looks like, here are some signs.

• You are doing a job that you enjoy
• Your ideas are valued
• Your creativity is encouraged
• You feel appreciated
• The job matches your skill set
• You have work friends that you can talk to
• Your manager is approachable
• There is room for you to grow
• You are recognized when you do good work
• You feel like a part of a team
• You look forward to coming to work
• You are respected
• You are happy while at work
• Work is fun

See you in the comments.

Lisa H (aka RunningBear) is a technical writer living in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. She enjoys long distance running, cooking, sewing and blogging. Her blog, Getting to Zen, includes articles on personal development, enlightenment, consciousness and awareness.

Photo by mudpig

Do you love to read? I definitely do, especially non-fiction. I don’t read as much as I want but I enjoy my reading time. It’s great to learn about new things in the world and new ways to improve my life.

When it comes to reading, one important problem is how to find good books to read. After all, the goal of reading is to get as much value as possible. Don’t read just for the sake of reading. Read to somehow improve the quality of your life. That’s why it’s essential to find books that are worth your time.

To find good books, here are two steps I do:

1. Find interesting books that might be worth reading
2. Make sure that the books are indeed worth reading

Let’s look at them one by one.

9 Ways to Find Interesting Books to Read

Here are nine ways to find interesting books to read:

1. Check Amazon’s lists

Amazon has many book lists through which you can find interesting books. You can start with Bestsellers to see the current best sellers and Hot New Releases to see the popular new books.

But don’t stop there. Many good books never appear in these global lists, not because they aren’t good but because they appeal to smaller group of people. For example, if you are interested in agriculture then you are unlikely to find any book in those lists. For that reason, you should also explore topic-specific lists. Here, for instance, are the best-seller lists for Management, Science, and Gastronomy.

Checking Amazon lists is something I do regularly. I create a bookmark folder in my browser that contains all the lists I want to check. Then, about once a week, I open the folder and scan the lists. By doing this, not only can I find interesting books to read but also I can keep myself updated with the world of books.

2. Find books that are related to a book you like

In addition to the lists, Amazon has a nice feature which helps you find other books you might like given a book you like. Just visit the Amazon page of your favorite book and look at the Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought section. There is a good chance that you will find something interesting there.

3. See Amazon’s recommendations

One more useful feature from Amazon is its personalized recommendations. To see them, log in to your Amazon account and visit Recommended for You page. There you will find books that Amazon thinks you might like. To increase the quality of the recommendations, you should actively rate the books you’ve read. The more information you give to the system, the better it can learn about your taste and the better its recommendations would be.

4. Use What Should I Read Next

What Should I Read Next does what its name says: it gives you recommendations about what books you should read next. Give it the details (title, author, or ISBN) of a book you like and the system will give you a list of books it recommends.

5. Follow interesting people at Goodreads

The web is becoming increasingly social and the world of books is no exception. There are book-centered social sites out there where you can find and follow interesting people. One popular site is Goodreads. If you know someone whose reading list is interesting, you can follow her there to stay up-to-date with her reading.

6. Read book blogs

Book blogs can give you a lot of information about the world of books. AllTop shows you the latest posts of some book blogs.

7. Browse Gutenberg’s list

If you like old books, there are many of them at Project Gutenberg. There you can find classic books like The Prince or The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. To see which books are popular, visit the Top 100 list. Best of all, you can download the books for free.

8. Use StumbleUpon

Have you ever used StumbleUpon before? This service gives you random web pages in a channel you choose. Whenever you press the Stumble button in the toolbar, it will give you a new page that it thinks you might like. Set the channel to Books and you are on your way to find interesting books you might never hear about before.

9. Use delicious

With delicious, you can find popular links in practically every field imaginable. For popular links related to books, visit this page or this page.

You may combine multiple delicious tags to find book-related links in a certain field. This way you don’t have to go through books in fields you aren’t interested in. Here are two examples:

• Business books: this page or this page
• Science books: this page or this page

Is A Book Worth Reading?

Before committing your time to reading a book that looks good, it’s better to ensure that the book is indeed worth reading. Here are two ways to do that:

1. Learn more about the book

Whenever I find an interesting book, I open the book’s Amazon page for more information. Here are several things I usually check in a book’s page:

• Product description. Obviously, I need to know what the book is about. Sometimes I find a book with interesting title that doesn’t have the content I want. In such a case, I just close the book’s page and move on.
• Sales rank. Amazon’s sales rank doesn’t guarantee that a book is good, but books with high rank rarely disappoint me. A book’s sales rank is like a social consensus about the book’s quality. I usually look at the rank in the context of publication date. A book that still ranks high years after its publication is usually a good book. Having said that, sales rank isn’t a mandatory factor for me. If I already hear good things about a book, I don’t care about its sales rank. But for books that I’ve never heard of, sales rank is a good indicator to use.
• Table of contents. What topics are covered in the book? I find them out by looking at the book’s table of contents.
• First pages. I don’t always read the first pages of a book, but sometimes I do. They give me a feel of how the book is written.

Of course, if you are in a book store or a library, you can get all the information above (except the sales rank) by simply browsing the book.

2. Test it with time

An important sign of a good book is it passes the test of time. Let’s say you come across an interesting book and you want to read it. Will your desire to read it last? Would you still want to read it after one week? One month? If you wouldn’t, then it’s probably not a good book to read.

Let a book sit in your Wish List (or a similar list) for some time before deciding to read it. It helps you filter out many temporary impulses. After applying this principle, the quality of the books I read increases significantly and I get much more value from my reading time.

***

What about you? How do you find good books to read?

Photo by Photos8.com

Note: This is a guest post from Dave Ursillo of DaveUrsillo.com

Humor is often the fastest and easiest way to make new friends.

I love meeting new people. To me, one of the most wonderful aspects of life is coming across just a handful of the billions and billions of men and women that live amongst and around us, getting to know their unique stories and personalities, and being able to connect with them on some level.

Meeting new people isn’t always difficult. Through work, school, social events, the weekends and meeting others through current friends, we are presented with ample opportunities to connect with people and make new friends. The difficult part is making a connection with men and women that can outlast the short duration of time that you’ve spent meeting them: how do you establish a connection with someone that can last and that causes you two to become friends?

Lately, I’ve taken a new approach to socializing by making subtle efforts – usually through humor and laughter – to forge meaningful connections with men and women who would at most be described as “acquaintances,” or people that I’ve not known for very long and may never see again. I find some beauty in establishing these sorts of connections with people, realizing that our paths may never cross again, but hoping that the connection we’ve made could last a lifetime. Why bother with the effort? Well, it turns out that these young men and women that I’ve attempted to forge a real connection with in a short period of time have, in several instances, become good friends. I’ve learned two important lessons from these experiences, and I wish to share them with you.

First, humor is the easiest and most effective way to connect with a stranger. Laughter, happiness and smiling are “common denominators” among all human beings: regardless of race, nationality or primarily language, we all naturally recognize, appreciate and connect through smiles and laughter. When it comes to making new friends, laughter and happiness is a simple but highly effective ways to make positive, personal connections to others.

Second, it turns out that making a connection with men and women through humor, happiness and laughter not only helps you make new friends, but it actually is the means to establish a strong, meaningful connection to people. There is something special and sacred amongst human beings when it comes to sharing happiness and positivity. When you share laughter and joy with others, they become happier themselves and desire to share more of the same with you in the future.

With these two lessons in mind, here are seven ways to use humor to make new friends.

1. Be lighthearted

Bringing laughter, happiness and smiling to others is more about being lighthearted than it is about “being funny.” Don’t think of yourself as having to embody the role of a comedian. Just feel happiness, be positive and be lighthearted. Such a mindset is naturally attractive to others, and by embodying happiness you invite others to get to know you better and even open up more themselves.

2. Joke at your own expense

If you’ve just met a group of new people who do not know you, an easy way to get them to know you is to use humor to joke about yourself. Now, there’s a big difference between joking about yourself and being self-deprecating. Saying, “I didn’t get that recent job I applied to… I suck at life!” is not funny. Remember to keep it lighthearted. Instead try, “The last job I applied to turned me down. But that’s okay, because it’s always been my dream to become a stripper.”

3. Be authentic; don’t force it

Don’t break out a notepad full of “Knock-Knock” jokes and don’t start reciting Chris Rock’s latest standup comedy routine. Connecting with people through humor and happiness has to be authentic; it can’t be forced or premeditated. When it feels like you’re trying too hard to be funny or amiable, strangers and new acquaintances will interpret your efforts as inauthentic attempts to overcompensate for something.

4. Be able to take a joke: humility

One of the least attractive qualities in people is when men and women take themselves too seriously. Refusing to laugh at yourself can ultimately reveal a lot about a person. It may say that you are selfish and egotistical, or simply neglect to embrace happiness and humility. Whatever the reason, if you’re going to use humor to make others laugh, you need to expect a joke to be cracked at your expense. If you’re able to take a joke and laugh about it, just think of it as another way of providing happiness and laughter to those around you.

5. Don’t joke at the expense of others

Joking and humor are great ways to make others laugh and forge new connections with people, but you shouldn’t depend upon making jokes at the expense of others. You haven’t yet earned the “friendship cache” of leeway that comes with being friends with someone for a long time, so you shouldn’t joke at the expense of those you’ve just met, who won’t appreciate the insults. Also, don’t fall into the trap of making fun of others around you or a mutual person you know. It may be funny, but ultimately it’s not attractive to mock others.

6. Joke with others in ways that are complimentary to them

If you want to joke with new people you’ve just met, do so in a way that is complimentary to them. You can even infuse a joke about yourself in the process, like, “I really like your dress… but I don’t think it would look as good on me.”

7. Recognize when to use humor and when not to

Think of an awkward or uncomfortable situation: you just met an entire table of new people; you already don’t remember any of their names; and now there is a very awkward silence amongst the group. How do you break the uneasiness? With a joke! Laughing helps overcomes the bridge of social discomfort in any circumstance, and the same applies when you meet new people. That said, you need to realize when using humor makes a situation worse. If you’re at a funeral or when someone tells you about some really unfortunate news, shelve the humor and choose compassion instead.

Dave Ursillo is a writer, dreamer and self-described “Renegade.” His self-improvement and personal development blog, DaveUrsillo.com, encourages men and women to embody “Renegadeism,” a defiant attitude of positivity in spite of what feels like an increasingly cynical world. Follow Dave on Twitter.

Photo by Sabrina

Note: This is a guest post from Walter Adena of LionSlinger.com

Making someone happy is a matter of being sensitive to one’s needs. Many pursue the common approach of knowing what the other wants in order to bring them happiness, but the truth however is that we don’t need to know what they want. Instead, we should be observant to the subtleties of their aspirations.

There are ways to know the things that can make someone happy. But the first thing we need to do is to let go our own definition of happiness. Let us always remember that people are different, what makes happiness for one may not be for the other. An effective method to know what can make someone happy is to be sensitive to their concerns. If we truly care about knowing what would constitute happiness to a person it is wise to open our awareness to the things they treasure.

Still, we don’t have to look far to know what brings happiness to a person. More often than not, a simple display of genuine concern is sufficient to brighten someone’s life.

Here are some of the simple yet effective ways of making someone happy:

1. A simple touch of affection

Extending happiness can be as simple as a touch of affection. Have you felt what it’s like to be in the loving arms of the people you love? Don’t you feel happy and assured by the caress of your special someone? I’m sure you do, especially when you are at your most vulnerable. Remember that touch has hidden power, and it’s one of the longing of every person.

2. Be appreciative

If you want to make someone happy you have to learn to appreciate them more. Give credits to the accomplishments one makes—no matter how little—and give importance to the efforts they’ve made. People need to be appreciated one way or another, and by being generously appreciative, you are sure to extend happiness to someone.

3. Extend a helping hand

Helping someone proves to be the most noble form of bringing happiness to someone. Nothing brings much greater delight to a person than finding a helping hand to aid him in his moments of need. All of us need a lending hand once in a while and we feel very happy when someone gives themselves when we needed the most. Be alert for this opportunity if you want give someone a dose of happiness.

4. Make someone smile

Have you ever wondered why having a sense of humor is a plus factor for a person? Being with a person who is jolly, lighthearted and humorous illuminates our spirit. No matter how our day goes, when we’re in the company of a jovial character, it never fails to make us happy. Make an effort of putting a smile on someone’s face and you’ll never be forgotten.

5. Show kindness

It is said that kindness is the universal language of love. By being kind to someone we are expressing our concern for the other. Kindness makes us realize our connection with others; irrespective of any barriers, any show of kindness portrays an act of love. When someone shows us kindness it lifts our spirits and gives us an unexplainable feeling of gratitude. It makes us happy knowing that someone have made an effort to go out of their way just to extend their grace.

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In conclusion, if you want to give the gift of happiness always remember to capitalize on the person’s emotion. Let us put more premiums on appreciating, loving, caring, respecting, and sensitivity to the people whom we want to extend happiness. Stop being deaf and blind to the obvious needs of others, learn to let go of yourself to clearly see the manifestation of someone’s longing, and from there we can figure out the most memorable gift we can give to make someone happy.

Walter Adena is a deep thinking blogger and the author of the website www.lionslinger.com. He writes about personal development and life wisdom.

Photo by Yogendra174

Do you have a set of productivity tools that you consider essential? I do and here I’d like to share them with you. But, to prevent the post from being all over the place, I limit the scope only to programs that I install on my computer (which is a Windows machine). I don’t include any web application here.

Of course, the tools that work for me don’t necessarily work for you. But I hope that you will find something useful here.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to change my tools whenever something fancier comes out. Once I find a tool that works, I usually stick with it unless I find a very strong reason to move to something else. That’s why I’ve used most of the tools below for years.

Here are my essential productivity tools:

1. Firefox

Firefox with its add-ons has become an integral part of my online life. I often don’t realize how important it is until I come across a computer that doesn’t have one. I feel powerless when I use such a computer. I can no longer do things that have become second nature to me. That’s why the first thing I do when I use a new computer is to install Firefox and my favorite add-ons.

Here are the add-ons that I consider essential:

• Scrapbook
  Scrapbook has been my reference system for years. There are already thousands of articles and clips in my Scrapbook library.
• Alexa Sparky
  When I come to a site, I usually take a quick glance at its Alexa rank to have an estimate of the site’s popularity. Alexa shows the traffic rank of a web site, so the smaller the number is, the higher the traffic it has. Alexa is far from perfect, but it serves as a rough estimate for me.
• SEO Quake
  Being a blogger, I often need to do an online research about other sites or certain search engine queries. SEO Quake has become an indispensable tool for this. It makes my research way easier to do.
• Xmarks
  I often bookmark interesting sites I come across. Xmarks backs up my bookmarks and synchronizes them across different computers.

2. Microsoft OneNote

OneNote has become an “extension” of my brain. Getting Things Done states that you need to put everything out of your head into a trusted system. OneNote is a core component of my trusted system. I put practically all of my notes and ideas there. I also use it to manage my to-do list.

I especially like OneNote’s collapsing and expanding feature since it helps me see my notes and ideas in the level of detail I desire. When I want to see more details, I just need to expand the node. When I want to see the big picture, I can just collapse it. This feature has helped me tremendously over the years.

On a side note, I’m currently exploring Evernote. I recently bought a Mac and I need something that works on both my Windows and Mac machines. Evernote fills this need nicely because it syncs data automatically between machines. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have OneNote’s collapsing and expanding feature (or perhaps I miss it?). My primary note-taking tool is still OneNote, but I might expand my use of Evernote in the future.

3. Microsoft Outlook

I use Outlook to manage my calendar, not my emails. I actually hesitated to include it here because it’s easily replaceable with other alternatives (such as Google Calendar), but I decided to include it anyway because calendaring system is an essential part of my productivity system. I use Outlook simply because it synchronizes with my cell phone.

4. Cool Timer

There are many benefits of using a timer. In essence, using a timer helps you become more productive. I use timer a lot in my daily workflow and Cool Timer has become my timer of choice for several years. It’s a simple timer that you can set to function either as a countdown timer or as a stopwatch.

5. WinKey + MemoKeys

I’m a fan of using keyboard shortcuts. WinKey allows me to set shortcuts for commonly used programs and files so that they are only one keystroke away.

On the other hand, MemoKeys gives me shortcut keys for commonly used text. For example, I have a shortcut for my email address. Whenever I need to give my email address in an online form, I just need to press the shortcut and it’s done.

6. Everything

Have you ever forgot where a file is in your computer? Perhaps you have to create a report and forget where a file you need is. I often found myself in such a situation and it was frustrating.

Everything solves the problem for me. Unlike many other desktop search tools (such as Google Desktop) that searches the content of all files, this tool searches just the names of the files. That’s exactly what I need. Furthermore, since it works only with file names, it’s also way lighter and faster than other desktop search tools.

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In addition the the tools above, there are other tools that aren’t directly related to productivity but which I consider essential. Here they are:

1. Microsoft Money

Money is the tool I use to manage my personal finance. Though I miss some transactions here and there, I’ve been recording my financial transactions in Money for years. Money makes it easy for me to see where my money went in any period of time. It also helps me see how my investment portfolio performs.

Money is now discontinued by Microsoft, so you might want to use other programs like Quicken or Mint to manage your personal finance.

2. KeePass

If you want to have a secure online life, using good passwords is important. Moreover, you should use different passwords for different sites. This way when someone stole your password for one site, he wouldn’t be able to use it to attack your other online accounts.

KeePass is the solution I use for this. It helps me generate good, strong password for every site I ‘m interested in and store them in an encrypted file at my local computer. I need to remember just one password, the one used to open the KeePass file.

3. DropBox

Isn’t it nice if you have all your important files backed up automatically without you even being aware of it? That’s what DropBox does. DropBox is the newest tool in my toolbox. I now save all of my important files in the DropBox folder so that they will always be backed up to an online storage.

4. iTunes

This tool is essential for me not because of its music playing capability but because it helps me find a lot of great content. I love to learn and iTunes has become an important source of materials in the form of podcasts and lectures.

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These are the tools that I use practically every day. What about you? What tools do you think are essential?

Photo by flattop341

Note: This is a guest post from Faizal Nisar of FaizalNisar.com

Becoming a champion at small talk has its benefits. You’ll have more friends, more fun, more confidence, and more to talk to about. Mastering the art of small talk requires practice at first, but becomes a natural act after a while. To use this guide effectively, you must put into practice all of the steps outlined because they are interrelated.

1. Be knowledgeable: Knowledge is key to being good at small talk. What are you going to talk about if you don’t know anything? Now I’m not saying you have to be an expert in every single category but basic knowledge is necessary. Learn a little about everything. Read books on cooking, browse through magazines about celebrities, or watch videos on dancing. This way no matter what the person is interested in, you’ll have something to relate to them with.

2. Find common grounds: When you find something that you and the other person can both relate to, it builds instant rapport. People are attracted to others who share similar interests, experiences, or knowledge. How do you find common ground? Well, you can use three methods to do this: through compliments, asking questions, or using the surrounding environment to your advantage. Let me explain each one more clearly.

• Compliments: When you give someone a compliment, you acknowledge them. Recognition makes people feel good. You can give a compliment about anything. The most success I’ve had with this technique is when I compliment what they wear. Say something like, “I love those shoes, they look so good on you.” Most likely, the other person will respond with a genuine smile and say something like, “Thanks” or “Thanks, I just got them.” How can you develop the conversation from that point? You ask questions.
• Ask Questions: Asking questions is very important in any conversation you have. It gives you the opportunity to learn about others and relate to them with the knowledge you already have. Let’s continue with our example. After the other person says thanks to you, you simply ask a question related to whatever you complimented them on. “Where did you get them from?” is a good simple example. Or if the shoes are heels you can say, “Do you wear heels a lot”? Any question that’s related to what you asked about will be effective in developing the conversation. If they answer back and tell you the store they got it from, you can continue the conversation by asking more questions like, “Oh I love that store, do you go there a lot?” or if you’re knowledgeable about the store you can say, “I saw that they’re having a huge sale going on right now, do you shop there often?” When you ask questions, you’ll discover who they are and find out how you can relate to them.
• Use the environment: Using the environment for small talk involves talking about something that’s going on right now that the other person can relate to. Typically, this technique is used to start the conversation and develop it into something else. One common example is using the weather. You can say something like, “Wow, we’re getting some great weather, aren’t we?” They will respond by agreeing with you because it’s true. Then you use your knowledge and say, “I heard this weekend’s going to have even better weather, you have any plans made?” See the transition there? It starts with weather and then develops into plans for the weekend. Once you get their answer, you can use more questions to continue the conversation.

Now how can you become great at utilizing these methods?

3. Practice, practice, practice: Practice makes perfect. You can practice role-playing in your mind or in front of a mirror. This experience makes you confident. When you’re ready, start practicing with real people. Give a compliment to someone or talk about the environment. From there, use questions to develop the conversation. Start practicing and watch your small talk skills grow.

Faizal Nisar, who inspires others from his own inspiration, writes at FaizalNisar.com on the subject of self improvement . His free book, The Instant Success Guide, can be found on FaizalNisar.com and will change how you approach success.

Photo by Tiagø Ribeiro