Nevertheless, Christ came so “that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed” (Isaiah 61:1, NLT). If you’re seeking a faith-based 12-step program, consider joining a Life Recovery Group and commit to working through the 12 Steps of Life Recovery. There are 7 life-changing freedoms you’ll discover on this journey.

1. Freedom from relying on substances.
   At the height of addiction, sobriety can seem impossible. However, after seeking professional help and joining a faith-based Life Recovery Group, many discover that breaking free from substance abuse is achievable. If you are struggling with chemical dependency, such as drug or alcohol addiction, call 800-NEW-LIFE to find a Christian treatment center and start your recovery today.
2. Freedom from the fear of being caught.
   “You’re only as sick as your secrets” is a common saying in addiction recovery circles. Many people who struggle with addiction feel like imposters, living in constant fear that their secrets will be exposed. Do you live with the anxiety of being caught? Life Recovery offers freedom by encouraging you to bring your hidden struggles into the light, breaking the power of shame and secrecy.
3. Freedom from isolation.
   Addiction thrives in isolation. The antidote? Connection. Whether you’re battling addiction, anxiety, or other challenges, freedom begins when you surround yourself with a supportive, community. Need help? Attend a Life Recovery Group meeting weekly and form relationships that foster healing.
4. Freedom from numbing emotions.
   Addiction often serves as a way to numb painful emotions temporarily, but those feelings inevitably resurface. Through Life Recovery and the 12 Steps, you will learn to face and embrace your emotions rather than escape them. This leads to emotional freedom — allowing you to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
5. Freedom from past traumas.
   Abuse, divorce, abandonment — these painful experiences can fuel addiction. But there is hope. Life Recovery, along with seeing a Christian counselor in the New Life Counseling Network can help you confront and heal from past traumas, moving you toward a hopeful, renewed future.
6. Freedom from pretending.
   Many struggling with addiction wear masks, pretending everything is fine while battling inner turmoil. Life Recovery offers a safe space to shed these masks and embrace your true, authentic self — exactly as God intended you to be.
7. Freedom from shame.
   Addiction often keeps people trapped in shame. A supportive community like a Life Recovery Group can provide a safe, judgment-free environment where you’ll find freedom from shame and experience acceptance. Don’t let shame keep you stuck — join a Life Recovery Group today.

Want to experience lasting freedom? Call 800-NEW-LIFE to start your Life Recovery journey!

1. Humble ourselves.
   The opposite of pride is humility. When we recognize that our current approach to life isn’t effective and are open to seeking help from God and others, it shows that we are starting to humble ourselves and preparing for God to work in our lives.
2. Recognize what character defects are and their impact on us.
   A character defect refers to a negative personality trait or behavior that contributes to addiction, unhealthy habits, and detrimental patterns in our lives.
3. Create a list of our character defects.
   Understanding our own flaws is the key to personal growth. As the saying goes, if we aim for nothing, we will hit it. So, take the time to identify any character defects that come to mind.Here are some common character defects:
   • Anger
   • Codependency
   • Denial
   • Enabling
   • Fear
   • Lying
   • Perfectionism
   • Pride
   • Unforgiveness
   • Victim Mentality
4. Answer questions in a journal about specific character defects.
   To help you confront specific character defects, please respond to the following questions in a journal, like the Life Recovery Blank Journal:
   • How does this character defect manifest itself?
   • What are the consequences of this character defect?
   • In what ways can this character defect influence the use of a substance or continuation of an unhealthy pattern?
   • How might this character defect hinder a healthy recovery?
5. Tell God that we are ready for Him to remove our character defects.
   Let God know you are ready for Him to remove your character defects. By humbling yourself before the Lord in prayer, “He will lift you up in honor” (James 4:10, NLT).
6. Find a safe community to create lasting change.
   Recognizing our character defects, understanding how they negatively impact our lives, and asking God to help us remove them are essential steps toward healing. However, it’s important to remember that you can’t do this alone. The final and arguably one of the most important keys to confronting your character defects is to find a supportive community. To join a Life Recovery Group today, click here.

If you find yourself struggling to confront your character defects, please call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Kimberlee Bousman

1. Shame is lifted.
   Guilt and shame can hold us back in our recovery. But when we confess our struggles to God and another person, that weight begins to lift. Confess your sins, and you will be free from the shame you have been carrying.
2. Your relationship with God is restored.
   Sin separates us from God, who is holy. If you have wandered away from God, the first step is to turn from your sins and toward God. Forgiveness is only possible through Christ’s finished work on the cross.
3. Pride is removed.
   What is a barrier that keeps us from God and others? Pride. When we are prideful, we want to get our way. Even though pride comes naturally for all of us, confession takes humility. Therefore, when you confess, one of the blessings is that your pride is destroyed and your humility grows.
4. Accountability is put into action.
   It’s one thing for you to have a sponsor or an accountability partner; however, it’s another thing to meet with them and confess your struggles. Make sure you have an accountability partner or sponsor you meet with regularly to confess any of the bad choices you’ve made, or the areas in which you’ve been tempted.
5. Unhealthy habits are overcome.
   Willpower alone is not enough to change our lives. Why? Addictions, unhealthy relationships, and old patterns are too hard for us to break free from on our own. To help you triumph over these struggles, admit to yourself that you have a problem. Next, be honest with God. Finally, tell someone you trust. Find a Life Recovery Group.
6. Relationships are renewed.
   By confessing, your relationships will improve. This doesn’t mean every relationship will be reconciled. After all, relationships are a two-way street—they take two people to make them work. However, taking responsibility can improve your chances of reconciling with those whom you may be estranged.
7. Trust is established.
   Safety, trust, and honesty are essential for every relationship. However, when you have broken someone’s trust, confession is necessary to reestablish it. After you confess, follow through with any changes that you need to make. Then, others will see that they can trust you again.
8. Community becomes authentic.
   One of the biggest blessings of confession is that a community will thrive. A community, such as a Life Recovery Group, must ask participants tough questions. Join a Life Recovery Group today. A Life Recovery Group will help you find others to hold you accountable; in turn, you will hold others accountable.

Do you need support? Call 800-NEW-LIFE to connect with a counselor or coach.

by Kimberlee Bousman

How do you take an inventory? Set aside a few hours and use a notebook or journal—like the New Life Journal. Then, follow these tips on how to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your life.

1. List any destructive habits that you have.
   The habits you practice today will bring you closer to—or further away—from where you’d like to be tomorrow. Some destructive habits may include:
   • Cheating
   • Drinking too much
   • Isolating
   • Overeating
   • Abusing drugs
   • Watching porn
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any defects of character.
   What is character? Character is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual.” Now is not the time to try to hide; uncover the parts of your character you may feel ashamed about. A few examples of character defects include self-centeredness, jealousy, victim mentality, insecurities, blame-shifting, and more.
3. Acknowledge and work through any wrongs that you have done.
   It is easy to focus on how others have hurt you. But taking an inventory is about addressing any wrongs you have done. Keep in mind that you can’t change others; you can only change yourself. It is a painful, but necessary, part of taking an inventory. Ask God to give you strength and help you to be honest with yourself.
4. Consider the consequences of the wrong choices that you now live with.
   It may seem as if you are the only one hurt by your destructive habits or character defects. However, as you take your inventory, consider asking yourself these questions:
   • How has my behavior negatively affected others?
   • What is it really like to be in a relationship with me?
   • How would a friend or family member describe how my mistakes have hurt them?
5. Confess to God the sins that have kept you holding onto the past.
   Whatever sins come to mind, tell God about them. Does it seem like you’ve committed a sin so big that even God can’t forgive it? Remember: No sin is too big that God cannot forgive. Here’s a promise: “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.”—Isaiah 43:15, NLT
6. Allow yourself to experience any sadness, anger, and other painful emotions.
   If you hide from pain in your past, it will keep you from healing. To heal, you must begin to feel the emotions that you have buried. While taking an inventory and confessing to God whatever comes to your mind, allow your tears to fall and sadness to well up. On the other side of grief, there is joy.

Need more help with taking an inventory? We recommend you get a copy of The Life Recovery Journal. Call us at 800-NEW-LIFE to order.

by Kimberlee Bousman

How do you turn your life over to God? There are 6 action steps you can take to turn your life over to God.

1. Admit
The first step you already took in Life Recovery Step One was to admit. So, before you turn your will and life over to God, acknowledge that you can’t save yourself—only God can save you through His Son, Christ. This means you quit playing God, stop trying to control your life, and no longer seek to manipulate others.

2. Surrender
The Third Step of Life Recovery starts with, “We made a decision.” When you decide to turn your life over to God, that decision involves daily surrender to the Lord and His will for your life. Get up each morning and pray to God, “I surrender my day and my life to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

3. Trust
When you are active in addiction, whatever you are addicted to—whether it’s a substance or a toxic habit or relationship—is what you trust to take care of you. Your addiction will fail you; however, God will never fail you. You can trust Him with every aspect of your life.

4. Confess
When you trust Christ, God forgives you for your past, present, and future sins. Nevertheless, recovery is an ongoing process of confessing your struggles to God and at least one other person. Find a sponsor so you can have at least one safe person to confess to. Check out A Guide to Finding the Right Sponsor.

5. Obey
Deciding you want to give your life and will to the Lord is not enough. You must take it a step further by obeying God. Learn how God expects you to live by reading His Word. If you don’t have a Bible, get The Life Recovery Bible and apply what you read to your life.

6. Tell
When you admit, surrender, trust, confess, and obey, it seems you’ve done all you can to surrender your life to God. But when Christ called Peter and Andrew, He not only told them to follow Him but also said in Matthew 4:19, “I will show you how to fish for people!” Tell others about what God has done for you through your recovery!

Want to know more about turning your life over to God? Please call us at 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) for prayer, help finding a counselor or coach, and to get connected to a Life Recovery Group.

By Kimberlee Bousman

Having a good sponsor will provide a role model to follow, someone to turn to when in a dark place, and the accountability needed to stay on track when it seems easier to give up. When looking for a recovery sponsor, here are some tips to help find the right one.

1. Understand the importance of attending a recovery group and meeting with a sponsor weekly.
   Transforming old toxic patterns into healthier ones will begin by going to a Life Recovery Group once a week.
2. Ask the Life Recovery Group leader for a sponsor.
   If the group leader cannot provide options, try contacting other Life Recovery Groups in the network. Seek help in the community through other 12-step recovery programs and groups. Network with other group members for information about possible sponsors.
3. Look for a sponsor who is the same gender.
   This helps with maintaining boundaries and removing any distractions or potential relational challenges. However, if someone is struggling with same-sex attraction, they might find a sponsor of the same gender distracting.
4. The sponsor needs to have worked the 12 Steps and gone through similar struggles as the sponsee.
   The sponsor will maintain confidentiality and hear sensitive details when working through the Fifth Step. It is not necessary for the sponsor to have the same struggles, but sharing similar experiences can be very helpful.
5. The sponsor needs to be available to meet often.
   It’s important to choose the right sponsor who can meet on a weekly basis. The sponsor should also be open to check-ins via phone calls, text messages, Zoom, or FaceTime. Therefore, carefully select someone with the time and availability to connect regularly.
6. Don’t wait for a sponsor; take the initiative and ask someone.
   Seek God’s guidance through prayer. Remember, a sponsee is ultimately responsible for their own recovery, so begin looking for a sponsor today!

Find a Life Recovery Group. We also have licensed counselors, certified coaches, and Life Recovery resources available to assist you. Call 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433).

by Terri Ward

Life Recovery Step 12 states, “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

One of the best ways to carry the message of recovery is by becoming a sponsor. Ready to take the step of sponsorship? Here are the 7 characteristics of being an effective sponsor.

1. An effective recovery sponsor has worked all of the 12 Steps.
   To become a sponsor, they must have worked through all of the 12 Steps and have also had a sponsor. In addition, it is also important that they are walking in freedom from life-controlling issues.
2. An effective recovery sponsor doesn’t just “talk the talk” but will “walk the walk.”
   Sponsors should have good fruit in their lives— setting an example to follow. The role of a sponsor is like a mentor, and if there is still a challenge in their own recovery, it will negatively affect the sponsee.
3. An effective recovery sponsor finds time to connect often.
   They are available to answer or return phone calls and have periodic face-to-face conversations in person or online via Zoom or FaceTime. They are careful not to sponsor more people than they have margin. Sponsoring too many people at once may diminish the effectiveness of the sponsor/sponsee relationship and may lead to burnout.
4. An effective recovery sponsor has gone through similar struggles as their sponsee.
   It’s helpful to have gone through similar struggles. Generally, people who struggle with substance abuse issues work best with people who have found freedom from substance abuse, and those who struggle with behavioral or process addictions work best with those who have overcome similar issues. But it is not a mandatory rule.
5. An effective recovery sponsor will only sponsor someone of the same gender.
   Sponsoring someone of a different sex may be more distracting than beneficial, so only sponsor someone who is of the same sex. It also prevents any boundary issues that could arise.
6. An effective recovery sponsor is trustworthy enough to confide in while still holding their sponsee accountable.
   Safety, trust, and honesty are essential for a sponsor-sponsee relationship. The sponsee/sponsor relationship requires trust. This will be foundational for accountability in their recovery.
7. An effective recovery sponsor will do everything possible to fulfill their role.
   Here are some responsibilities a sponsor has toward their sponsee:
   • Help them acclimate to recovery in Steps 1-3.
   • Coach them through all their step work; try using the Life Recovery Workbook.
   • Listen to their Fifth Step.
   • Encourage them and provide accountability.
   • Set a good example.
   • Teach in a reproducible manner so they can teach someone else.
   • Guide them to the Life Recovery Bible for answers.
   • Meet them where they are on their recovery journey.
   • Understand that a sponsor’s job is not to meet their sponsee’s needs.
   • Know where to direct them for resources: liferecoverygroups.com and newlife.com.

To learn more about becoming a sponsor, email LRT@newlife.com. Click here to find a Life Recovery Group online or in person.

by Terri Ward

God does not want you to worry about food, as Matthew 6:25 (NIV) says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” Here are 4 ways to break free from binge eating.

1. Know the signs and symptoms of binge eating.
It’s essential to know what a pattern of binge eating looks like. Here are some of the signs and symptoms of binge eating that—if you do these regularly—the American Psychiatric Association lists as binge eating:

• “Eating more rapidly than normal.”
• “Eating until feeling uncomfortably full.”
• “Eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry.”
• “Eating alone because of feeling embarrassed by how much one is eating.”
• “Feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty after overeating.”

2. Recognize the root causes of binge eating.
Three powerful root causes can lead to binge eating. The first is physical deprivation. When you follow a very low-calorie diet, forbid certain foods, and not eat when you are hungry, these can all lead to compulsive binge eating.

The second root cause is mental restriction. When you diet, you often develop a critical inner voice that tells you that eating a certain food is “bad” and that you are “bad” if you eat it. This mental restriction often leads you to associating shame with food, only leading to more binge eating.

The third root cause is unmet emotional needs. Challenges like trauma, stress, loneliness, or depression can lead to binge eating. Instead of turning to binge eating as a coping mechanism, reach out for support from a New Life Counselor or Coach who can help you work through difficult life challenges and emotions.

3. Let go of an all-or-nothing diet mindset.
To overcome binge eating and find food freedom, it’s essential you let go of having an all-or-nothing dieting mindset. You might think, “I can never eat a cookie.” But if you have one, don’t let it spiral into, “I blew it, so I’ll eat the whole plate.” This mindset leads to binge eating. Instead, practice a balanced mindset by thinking, “I can enjoy a cookie or two, and that’s perfectly okay.”  By shedding the all-or-nothing diet mentality and fostering a balanced mindset toward food, you can gain control over binge eating. Break free from a diet mindset by enrolling in New Life’s Lose It for Life Online Course.

4. Reflect after a relapse.
One reason you might feel stuck in a cycle of binge eating is due to shame. After a binge-eating episode, instead of succumbing to shame, try to show yourself compassion. Remind yourself, “This does not define me; it can be a lesson that helps me learn how to manage things differently next time.”

Later, take some time to reflect after a relapse by asking yourself the following questions:

• “Why did I have this eating experience?”
• “Was there an emotional need I was trying to meet?”
• “If so, what specific emotional need was I attempting to fill by eating?”
• “How can I address this need differently next time, rather than turning to food?”

If you’re looking for professional support to overcome binge eating, feel free to call 800-NEW-LIFE to connect with a compassionate counselor or coach. You can also enroll in the Lose It for Life Online Course. We are here to help you on your journey to food freedom!

by Kimberlee Bousman

1. The Gift of Hope
   The gift of hope is the motivation for continuing on the same track when something is painful and difficult. Under God’s strength, we experience the transforming power that will give us the hope to carry us to the end.
2. The Gift of Power
   The gift of power is that we now have God’s power at work in us and we are stronger. God will empower us to do things we cannot do on our own. As a result, our relapses are less frequent or are nonexistent.
3. The Gift of Character
   The gift of character is a gift that God gives us as we humbly ask for His help. It is not by our own strength or power that we grow and mature; it is by the power of the Holy Spirit.
4. The Gift of Clarity
   The gift of clarity is seeing things clearly and allowing the truth to come into focus. In other words, it is the absence of denial; instead, there is transparency—even purity—in how we see and present ourselves.
5. The Gift of Security
   The gift of security is rooted in the fact that God is on our side. To be alive is to always encounter trials and problems; when we are tempted, God gives a way out so that we can endure.
6. The Gift of Abundance
   The gift of abundance is what allows us to live a life filled with new and fulfilling opportunities that we may never have dreamed of or thought possible. While a scarcity mindset makes us afraid, an abundance mindset frees us to live a life of purpose.
7. The Gift of Wisdom
   The gift of wisdom is a combination of the depth of our relationship with God and our ability to bring our experiences into relationship with Him. We gain the gift of wisdom when we transfer our experiences, knowledge, and good judgment into godly actions.
8. The Gift of Self-Control
   The gift of self-control is when we desire to accomplish God’s will in our lives and surrender to the Holy Spirit. As we seek to improve our conscious awareness of God through prayer and meditation, the gift of self-control changes everything in our lives.
9. The Gift of Courage
   The gift of courage is the ability to face and solve our problems rather than avoiding them or hoping they will get better on their own. This gift replaces our old cowardice with boldness, strength, and initiative.
10. The Gift of Happiness
    The gift of happiness is the fruit that is produced when we live godly lives and pursue a godly path. After all, the happiest people in the world are those who have surrendered their lives to Jesus Christ.
11. The Gift of Serenity
    The gift of serenity is acknowledging that there are things in our lives that we cannot change. Like the “Serenity Prayer,” we must pray, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
12. The Gift of Peace
    The gift of peace is one of the most important gifts of Life Recovery because God has promised us peace. Just before His arrest, Jesus told His disciples, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid” (John 14:27, NLT).

Adapted from the book, The 12 Gifts of Life Recovery, by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop.

If you want to make prayer an integral part of your recovery journey but don’t know where to start or what to say, here are six powerful prayers you can pray daily.

1. “Lord, forgive me for the ways I’ve fallen short.”
If you’re new to recovery and have never sought conscious contact with God before, it’s not too late! You can be reconciled to God by admitting that you have fallen short of His standards and trust in Christ. When we seek God’s forgiveness and trust Him, we are promised that “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west” (Ps. 103:12, New Living Translation).

2. “God, give me peace in spite of pain.”
One reason many of us turn to addiction is to escape pain—whether it’s emotional, physical, relational, spiritual, or some other type of pain. John 14:27 says, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” Turning to Christ can help you find peace, even as you start to confront the pain underlying your addiction.

3. “Heavenly Father, comfort me in my darkest moments.”
Prayer is a powerful tool that brings comfort. Whenever you find yourself in a dark valley, ask the Lord to comfort you as Psalm 23:4 assures, “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” Talk to God anywhere, anytime—He is near to those who seek Him.

4. “Wonderful Counselor, give me strength where I am weak so I can make it through the day sober.”
Perhaps addiction has taken such a toll on your body, mind, and soul that you wonder if you’ll ever be able to break free from it. However, when you pray to our Triune God, you are reminded that He is strong where you are weak. Even Paul struggled with temptation. While God did not remove his struggles, He did give Paul the strength to face them. God told Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

5. “Mighty God, guide me in the direction You want me to go.”
Ask God to guide you when you don’t know where to turn or go. Isaiah 30:21 says, “Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say,‘This is the way you should go, whether to the right or to the left.’” Feelings change day by day, even moment by moment. Rather than base a decision on how you feel, seek God through prayer and look to God’s Word to see what it says about your situation.

6. “Everlasting One, give me hope that things are going to get better soon.”
As you journey closer and closer to sobriety, there will be days you want to take a detour or give up altogether…don’t! Right before dawn is when the night seems darkest; right before a breakthrough is when things will be the hardest. Keep going. Keep persevering. Proverbs 23:18 says, “your hope will not be disappointed.” Ask God to give you hope that things will get better, and you’ll soon be on your way to succeeding in your recovery.

If you need prayer, please know we are here for you! Call us at 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) for prayer and resources to help you overcome addiction and grow in your faith.

By Kimberlee Bousman

Like a garden that hasn’t been weeded, if we don’t continue to take a personal inventory, all the growth in recovery that we’ve experienced up until this point will shrink, and we may find ourselves turning to addiction.

Therefore, Step 10 of Life Recovery is necessary to keep the weeds out. Step 10 of Life Recovery says, “We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.”

Weeds will always crop up, threatening to choke out all the good. We may find ourselves cynical and mistrusting; we become so self-centered that our relationships with others suffer. We may learn to take care of our own needs, which is healthy, but we may go beyond that to where we become greedy and demanding. We may be caught up with various worries and fears or lapse into bouts of self-pity. These types of weeds can choke out the good that is growing out of our recovery.

Jesus described this in the Parable of the Soils. He said, “Other seeds fell among the thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants” (Matthew 13:7, New Living Translation). Then He explained, “The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced” (Matthew 13:22).

As we continue to take personal inventory, we must watch out for the weeds in our lives. We may have had the chance to taste a better way of life. But once the crisis of confronting our addiction is past, new types of distractions can choke out our spiritual growth.

We need to take a few moments each day to weed out:

• Greed
• Worry
• Fear
• Selfishness
• Cynicism
• Self-pity

Attending a Life Recovery Group can help you remove these and other harmful things from your life that threaten to hurt your growth. To find a Life Recovery Group, click here.

Never forget that continuing your personal inventory is like weeding a garden: you are getting rid of the bad and allowing the good to grow.

Adapted from The Life Recovery Devotional by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop

“Should I contact the women I had affairs with?”

All these fears—and more—plagued Stan. Caught in a second affair, he was a middle-aged man whose actions had deeply hurt his wife. He wasn’t sure that his wife would stay with him, so he sought counseling and began Life Recovery. He went through Step Eight, but Step Nine paralyzed him with fear.

Like Stan, many of us are afraid of making amends. Step Nine of Life Recovery says, “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Questions to Consider

If you need to make amends but are afraid, here are some questions for you to consider:

• Who are the people on your amends’ list who strike the most intense fear in your heart when you think about making amends, face-to-face?
• Do you have supportive people to help you gain willingness to take such a challenging step?
• What fears keep you from the life-giving process of Step Nine?
• Does your amends’ list include people that have something against you? If so, do you have difficulty finding the courage to deal with them?
• Are you willing to go to any lengths to make amends? What risks are involved?
• Do you have any unfinished business left on your list such as money owed, laws you’ve broken, or broken relationships?
• What are you afraid will happen if you attempt to make amends?
• Do you fear the painful consequences will cause you suffering if you make amends? If so, what is the worst that could happen?
• Do you trust God’s will for you if you follow the challenge of Step Nine?
• Which of the Twelve Steps can you go back to in preparation to make amends?

Next, share your answers with someone you trust such as a Life Recovery Group, counselor, or coach.

After seeing a counselor, Stan decided not to make amends to the women he had the affairs with because it was not safe. However, he made amends with his wife and children for their own healing. Then he made living amends by changing his behavior so that his wife could trust him.

For help with making amends, find a Christian counselor or coach by calling 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433).

Adapted from The Life Recovery Workbook by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop

Have you ever burned bridges with someone? Wish you could go back? Then consider going through Life Recovery Step 8 again, even if you’ve already gone through all of the 12 Steps of Life Recovery.

Romans 12:18 (NLT) says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” To “live peaceably,” you must do what you can to make amends. Life Recovery Step 8 says, “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

There are four steps to take when it comes to repairing a burned bridge.

First, reflect on how your behavior has affected others. What would it be like to be on the receiving end of your behavior? Our behavior is an action we take—whether consciously or unconsciously—that has become a pattern. Every time we lie, cover up, blame, excuse, abuse, betray, or abandon, we hurt others. To rebuild a burned bridge, we must know what it is like for others to be on the other side of us.

Second, consider whether a relationship is safe enough for you to go back to. If it’s not safe—whether for you, the other person, or your children—you must separate temporarily or break off the relationship altogether. To determine if it’s a safe enough relationship for you to go back to, connect with a New Life Counselor or Coach.

Third, think about what you can do to make amends. Part of making amends is attempting to make right that which you did wrong. For example, if we stole, then we should repay the other person. If unsure, you can always ask, “What can I do to repair the damage that I’ve done?” Then, listen with an open heart.

Fourth, create a list of those you’ve harmed, and put them into three categories:

1. Those to make amends with now.
2. Those to make amends with later.
3. Those you cannot or should not make amends with.

As you create your list, ask God to give you courage and to prepare your heart for what might happen. Don’t restrict your list only to those amends to only those people that you think might be receptive to you. Remember, you are only responsible for repairing your side of the bridge, not theirs. If you try to make amends and they don’t respond positively, what then? If this is the case, you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it.

By Kimberlee Bousman

“We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.” – Life Recovery Step Seven

Do you feel helpless in life, as if you have no control over anything? Feel like there’s nothing you can do about addiction, dependency, or unhealthy patterns? Expect other people to do all the work for you?

If so, you may struggle with learned helplessness. What is it? The concept of learned helplessness refers to a mentality that one develops after experiencing repeated challenges and coming to believe that they have no control over their life. Therefore, they feel helpless and give up trying to make changes.

Even though we can’t change everything, there is always something we can change to work toward our healing. Helen Keller said it best, “I am only one; but still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”

There is always individual work we must do to become—as well as to stay—sober. But unfortunately, learned helplessness makes us think things will never change, so we might not seek help. Thankfully, we can ask God for help. God said to the prophet Jeremiah, “Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come” (Jer. 33:3, New Living Translation).

To overcome a learned helplessness mentality, reflect on these 11 journal prompts:

1. What are at least three areas of your life you have been tempted to give up on too soon?
2. How can you practice being more diligent in the future?
3. Think of why you quit your recovery group, seeing a counselor, or something else too soon.
4. Is there something you can do differently next time you’re tempted to quit?
5. Inn what ways has learned helplessness been holding you back?
6. List several ways you can manage your feelings of helplessness in healthier ways.
7. What are some activities you’ve participated in that have made you feel stronger?
8. Brainstorm any excuses you’ve made lately that have hindered your recovery.
9. Think back to the first time you felt helpless. What happened? How did it make you feel?
10. Have you asked God to remove your shortcomings? If not, what is stopping you?
11. Imagine what you would feel like if you were free from addiction. What would it take to get there?

If you find yourself struggling with learned helplessness, remember to ask God to remove your shortcomings. Call 800-639-5433 to find a counselor, coach, or Life Recovery Group.

by Steve Arterburn

“We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.”—Life Recovery Step 6

If you needed to remodel your house, where would you start? You would need to hire a contractor you trust and let them do the work. Similarly, if you are in recovery from addiction, you are under construction and God is your contractor. In Life Recovery Step 6, you must be ready for God to remove your defects.

Being under construction is difficult because most of us naturally try to hide our flaws. However, we can never truly hide from God. David told God, “You know my thoughts even when I’m far away” (Psalm 139:2, New Living Translation).

To become the person God wants us to be, humility is essential. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” How can we be ready for God to remove our defects? Here are a few things we can do:

• Admit our limitations to God, ourselves, and others
• Find a Life Recovery Group to attend weekly
• Identify any temptations or triggers we’ve had
• Promptly ask for forgiveness from those we’ve hurt, as well as forgive those who’ve hurt us
• Be open and honest with others about any setbacks or relapses

In the Bible, the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5:1-15 illustrates the importance of being ready for God to work. Naaman was a powerful military figure. However, he had leprosy, which made him an outcast. When Naaman heard that there was a prophet in Israel named Elisha who could heal him, he traveled with 750 pounds of silver, 150 pounds of gold, and ten sets of clothing to persuade Elisha to heal him. But after Elisha instructed him to dip himself seven times in the Jordan River, Naaman got angry because he expected his expensive gifts to buy him an instant, easy cure. Ultimately, how Naaman found healing was by humbly followed Elisha’s instructions to dip in the Jordan River seven times. It was only when Naaman humbled himself and was ready for God to remove his defects was he finally healed.

Like Naaman, our addictions are as life-threatening as leprosy. While there’s no quick fix, we must be humble, ready to have God remove our character defects, and commit to the process.

When you are ready for God to work in you, He will begin to work powerfully through you.

by Steve Arterburn and Dr. David Stoop

Back then, she thought gate closing was tedious work—just a lot of waiting. Then something happened. She discovered that gate closing isn’t prestigious or exciting, but it’s vitally important.

There are many gates to close on the path to restoration and recovery. Closing the gate means not allowing anything negative in your life that might keep you from a sober and healthy life. But if you think you can do this on your own, you’ll be sorely disappointed. After all, it is Christ who opens and closes doors, as the Bible says, “What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open” (Revelation 3:8, New Living Translation).

Here are some ways for you to close the gate on the negative:

• Your job.
  If your work environment creates a large amount of stress or anxiety for you, consider a change. You would be amazed at how a healthy work life can transform your life for the better.
• Your home.
  Your home should be a place where you can go to for peace and rejuvenation. If it is chaotic and unwelcoming, consider a change here as well.
• Your close relationships.
  If your immediate family or people you surround yourself with by choice make you feel like you need to numb your pain to be able to manage to deal with them, spend less time with them or separate yourself from them. Also, consider seeing a New Life Counselor or a New Life Coach to work through the issues.
• Your social life and fun.
  This is a crucial area. If you have hobbies or sports you like to play, go hard! And if you don’t know what vibrant but sober fun looks like, try joining a Life Recovery Group and doing activities together.
• Your thoughts.
  How negativity can harm us the most is in our thoughts. Write in a journal, then look for a pattern. Look to replace any negative thoughts with the truth of God’s Word. Romans 12:2 says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”

When my friend’s mom used to tell her, “Close the gate behind you,” she was probably referring to negative influences in life. When we close the gate to the people, places, and things that influence us negatively, we will open the door to a new world of possibilities.

– by Steve Arterburn

We should be grateful for the talents, skills, and gifts God has given us. There’s nothing wrong with this type of pride, but the kind of pride in which we become self-focused and self-elevating is wrong. Pride won’t help us in recovery. Instead, what we need most of all is humility.

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines humility as “freedom from pride or arrogance: the quality or state of being humble.”

When the disciples were arguing about who would be the greatest in Heaven, it should not come as a surprise that Christ silenced the argument by mentioning humility when He said, “Anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matt. 18:4, New Living Translation).

Humility won’t keep you from turning back to addiction again, but it can save you a ton of grief. Humility doesn’t change your circumstances, but it helps you submit to God’s purposes no matter the circumstances. Humility cannot speed up answers to prayer but accelerates the acceptance of God’s will. Humility doesn’t make decisions for you but inclines your heart toward decisions consistent with God’s plan. Humility doesn’t earn you more of God’s love but helps you experience God’s love more deeply.

For these reasons, the Bible has a great deal to say about humility:

• Psalm 25:9 says, “He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way…”
• Psalm 147:6 says, “The Lord supports the humble…”
• Proverbs 11:2 says, “…with humility comes wisdom.”
• Proverbs 22:4 says, “True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches, honor, and long life.”
• Isaiah 57:15 says, “…I restore the crushed spirit of the humble.”
• Matthew 23:12 says, “…those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
• James 4:6 says, “…God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

For all its benefits and blessings, humility is a necessary virtue for recovery. In fact, you might even consider it to be the prerequisite to sobriety. To study more about humility, read The Life Recovery Bible.

Finally, consider the words of the early twentieth-century preacher and theologian Oswald Chambers who described humility as “the great characteristic of a saint.”

by Steve Arterburn

What is the role of the Holy Spirit in recovery? Here are some of the ways the Holy Spirit helps with recovery.

1. The Holy Spirit indwells.
After you put your faith in Christ, the Bible says that the Holy Spirit lives in you from the moment you believe: “having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise” (Eph. 1:13, KJV). You cannot lose the Holy Spirit, even if you sin; the Holy Spirit will always live in you.

2. The Holy Spirit convicts.
Ever wonder how God brings conviction to a person struggling with addiction, bad choices, or any numerous types of sin? It’s the Holy Spirit. If you know someone struggling with addiction, no amount of pleading or preaching on your end will convict them. Nothing moves a heart more than a nudge from the Holy Spirit. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in their life. If you struggle with addiction, when you feel the Holy Spirit nudging you, listen to and obey Him.

3. The Holy Spirit teaches.
Understanding how to grow in your faith and overcome challenges such as addiction may seem impossible. But remember that before Jesus left His disciples, He reminded them that God would send them a teacher—the Holy Spirit—to help them learn. Jesus said, “He will teach you everything” (John 14:26, NLT).

4. The Holy Spirit intercedes.
Sometimes, you don’t know what to pray for or ask God for, but the Holy Spirit knows! Pray throughout the day by asking the Triune God—God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—to help you.

“Before I go into an important meeting, I always pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help me.”—Steve Arterburn

5. The Holy Spirit produces fruit.
You can’t bear fruit without the help of the Holy Spirit. According to Galatians 5:22-23, the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The more you say no to the people, places, and things that trigger you, the easier it will be to say yes to the Holy Spirit to work in your life. As you live for the Lord, the Holy Spirit will produce more fruit.

6. The Holy Spirit empowers.
Part of recovery is recognizing that you can’t overcome addiction in your own strength. Surrender your desire to do life on your own terms; allow the Holy Spirit to control you. When you are powerless, the Holy Spirit will empower you. Consider what the Lord said in Zechariah 4:6 (NLT), “It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit.”

7. The Holy Spirit illuminates.
Studying God’s Word may seem intimidating. But when you start reading a Bible like The Life Recovery Bible, the Holy Spirit will illuminate and guide you to understand God’s Word. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to explain what you read. If you need help, join a Life Recovery Group where you can study the Bible together.

8. The Holy Spirit comforts.
How did Jesus describe the Holy Spirit? He referred to the Holy Spirit as “The Comforter.” John 16:7 (KJV) says, “if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you.” The Greek word paraclete means “one called to help.” In recovery, think of the Holy Spirit as a counselor who can comfort you as you cry out to Him; He can give you peace despite your past traumas, broken relationships, and all the ways you’ve been hurt.

If you or someone you know needs help in recovery, call us at 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433). We can connect you with a counselor, coach, and Life Recovery Group.

by Kimberlee Bousman

But suppose we know the difference between unhealthy and healthy coping methods. In that case, we’ll be much more likely to overcome addiction.

Unhealthy Ways to Cope
If you’re stuck in addiction, you may embrace the unspoken belief of “avoid pain at all costs.” If your primary defense has been to stop acting out, unhealthy coping patterns will keep you from healing.

Here are some unhealthy ways to cope:

• Arguing with others instead of accepting responsibility
• Blaming others for your addiction
• Escaping reality through gambling, shopping, or video games
• Fantasizing about sex
• Bingeing on TV shows
• Overeating to deal with difficult emotions
• Withdrawing from friends and family

Healthy Ways to Cope
Unfortunately, simply stopping unhealthy coping mechanisms does not give you the necessary skills to cope with stress and the pain of living in a fallen world. Not only does this make sobriety increasingly tricky, but it can also leave you even more vulnerable to relapse.

You must not only stop using whatever it was you were using to escape your pain but also learn how to cope with old triggers in new ways. Address your triggers and emotions so you can deal with the actual problem. By doing so, you will begin to regain power and no longer engage in other unhealthy secondary coping behaviors.

Here are some healthy ways to cope:

• Attending a New Life Intensive
• Eating healthy foods
• Exercising regularly
• Calling a friend or accountability partner
• Memorizing Scripture
• Praying to the Lord for strength
• Reading The Life Recovery Bible
• Talking about your feelings
• Writing in a journal
• Seeing a Christian coach

If you feel like you deserve a break and are tempted to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, instead, view pain as an opportunity for growth. God will transform your life as you turn away from harmful coping methods and turn toward healthy ones.

Let the words of the apostle Paul encourage you: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”—Philippians 1:6, NLT

by Steve Arterburn

The Webster’s Dictionary defines transparent as: “free from pretense or deceit; easily detected or seen through; readily understood; characterized by visibility or accessibility of information.”

Want to be transparent in your recovery? There are three steps you must take.

Step 1: Come out of hiding.
The first step to transparency in recovery is to come out of hiding. It all started with Adam in the Garden of Eden. Eve gave Adam the fruit that God had forbidden them to eat, and he ate it. Instead of being transparent, Adam put on fig leaves and hid from God. God asked, “Where are you?” Then Adam replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked” (Genesis 3:10, NLT).

Just as Adam broke his intimacy and transparency with his Creator by hiding, you’ve broken your intimate relationship with God and others by trying to hide. Come out of hiding! When you stop hiding, your relationship with God and others will improve.

Step 2: Practice honesty with everyone.
The second step to transparency in recovery is to be honest. Learning to be open, candid, and vulnerable with others isn’t easy. You were probably taught as a young child that you don’t show your emotions or “your cards.” If you were playing a poker game, you’d hide your playing cards and try to project a false or deceptive front. But real life is not a poker game! If you want to heal, you’ll need to begin to reveal your genuine emotions, struggles, and hurts.

Start by being honest with God and others. God already knows your sin. So, confess to Him about the things you’ve done. Next, if you’re married, you must be honest with your spouse. Hopefully, you’ve already disclosed your struggles to them. But if you’ve had a relapse and fallen back into an addiction, be honest with your spouse about your current struggles. If you’re single and not currently married, confess your sins to someone you trust.

Confessing your sin is a vital step to healing. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

Step 3: Be accountable to others in your community.
Finally, the third step to transparency in recovery is being accountable to others in your community. If you want to win the war over temptation, you’ll need to do more than just attend a Life Recovery Group; you’ll want to stay accountable to others in your community by finding an accountability partner or sponsor. Connect with a counselor in the New Life Counseling Network if you cannot find anyone who is safe.

Your accountability partner or counselor must be able to confront you with any shortcomings they see in you. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

Decide a time and place to meet weekly with your accountability partner or counselor. Then, add a reminder to your smartphone. Treat this meeting as you would any critical appointment—don’t miss it unless it’s a life-or-death emergency!

If you’re trying to overcome addiction but haven’t made any progress, come out of hiding, practice honesty with everyone, and be accountable to others in your community. When you start living a transparent life, it will make all the difference in your recovery.

by Kimberlee Bousman

Having an identity crisis can take you to places you don’t want to go and to do things you never thought you’d do. An identity crisis may lead to:

• Having an affair
• Making poor financial decisions
• Turning to addiction

Overcoming an identity crisis requires identity reconstruction. For some of us struggling with addiction, though, identifying ourselves as addicts and forming our identity around our addiction keeps us stuck in addiction. Self-identification can explain why some of us struggle with addiction but continue using despite adverse consequences.

What stops us from forming a new identity? Fear. Many of us struggle with fear so much that it can keep us from discovering our real worth in Christ. Don’t let fear, anxiety, panic, or anything else hinder you from uncovering who you are as a person in Christ and His purpose for you.

One person in the Bible who struggled with fear but overcame it to discover his true identity was Jacob. Jacob had deceived his brother, Esau, out of his birthright. Then Jacob ran away and began a whole new life; eventually, however, Esau caught up with him. When Jacob heard Esau had 700 men with him and was headed toward him, “Jacob was terrified at the news” (Genesis 32:7, NLT).

But that night, Jacob found his real identity. He wrestled with God’s Spirit and received a new name, Israel, reflecting a transformed identity and purpose. He was renamed Israel, symbolizing his transformation.

The story of Jacob’s wrestling match with God offers valuable insights into our identity crisis. During that pivotal encounter, Jacob grappled with the divine and his own sense of self. If Jacob had let his fear get the better of him, he never would’ve discovered his worth to the Lord.
This story teaches us that wrestling with our identities can be a profound and even sacred recovery process. Often, the struggle to understand who we are can lead to a deeper, more authentic sense of identity. To learn more about your identity in Christ, find a Life Recovery Group to join here.

As Jacob became Israel, you can overcome your addiction and find your identity in Christ. If you’re in Christ, don’t let fear limit you. You’re a child of the King—an heir to all good things. Go and be who God intended you to be!

1. You will be more likely to succeed in sobriety.
Is there a connection between sobriety and believing in a Higher Power? Yes, absolutely! Research shows there is a connection between sobriety and believing in a Higher Power. A case study was published in Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, where 195 juvenile offenders were included in the research.

The authors reported that addiction was related to a lack of purpose and not fitting in. They found the top two factors that contribute to a person in recovery becoming sober were caring about other people and believing in a Higher Power.

2. You will learn to let go.
Learning to “let go and let God,” as the saying goes, is one of the best benefits of believing in a Higher Power.
Here’s an exercise:

• Write a list of things you’re trying to control.
• Surrender those things to God by prayer.
• Rip up the paper.

3. You will gain a new purpose.
God has a purpose for your life that only you can fulfill; ask Him to reveal His plan for you. Who knows? Perhaps you could find purpose by starting a Life Recovery Group; learn more here. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

In this verse, God encouraged the nation of Israel, who had been taken away in the Babylonian Captivity, that He had a plan for them that was filled with hope. If God had a future for Israel even though they were in captivity, God has a plan for you despite your hurts and heartaches, too!

4. You will be empowered.
Overcoming obstacles such as addiction requires power. Do you have the power on your own? No! But when you trust Christ, He fills you with the Holy Spirit. Though you are weak, the Holy Spirit is strong. Zechariah 4:6 says, “It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit.”

5. You will feel a comfort you have never known.
Though addiction may have comforted you temporarily, it created discomfort and chaos in every area of your life. Before His crucifixion, Christ told His disciples that the Holy Spirit would come to comfort them (See John 14:16). Reclaim your peace by allowing the Holy Spirit—not food, porn, alcohol, shopping, substance abuse, codependency, or something else—to comfort you.

6. You will be able to overcome temptation.
Believing in Christ as your Higher Power means trusting in God’s Word. One of the best ways to overcome temptation is the Bible. When the enemy fills you with shame, discouragement, or some other temptation, read and memorize Scripture.

7. You will discover you are never alone.
Since disconnection is often the catalyst for addiction, what’s the antidote? Connection! If you don’t already have a recovery group, you can join a Life Recovery Group; find a Life Recovery Group online or in person. God is there for you to connect with as well. Whenever you feel alone or on the verge of giving up, remember that God has promised to, “not fail you or abandon you” (Joshua 1:5). Remember that.

Call 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) to find resources and a Life Recovery Group to help you grow in your faith and succeed in your recovery.

by Kimberlee Bousman

Step One in Life Recovery says, “We admitted that we were powerless over our problems and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

There are three reasons why you must be honest about your needs.

First, God wants to give you good things. He’s hoping you’ll humbly admit that you have needs. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help. Remember, God made us to relate—and love—one another. God is our Heavenly Father. Even if your earthly parents were not good parents, God is a good heavenly Father and wants to give you good things. But you’ll never get it unless you ask, as Matthew 7:9-11 (NLT) says:

You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Second, God did not design you to live life alone. If you’re “the strong” one who is always lending a hand and seeing that others are taken care of, it’s hard to let someone know you need help, but it’s important that you do it. We need more two-way streets in our Christian communities. If you haven’t found a good Christian community that supports your recovery and can help you get your needs met, find a Life Recovery Group online or in person here.

Third, God wants you to persevere by continuing to ask and seek help. We can learn from the parable of the persistent widow (see Luke 18:1-3). She was a needy widow who was certainly brave enough to ask for help and keep asking for help from an unjust judge. At first, the judge says no to the widow. Nevertheless, she refused to give up and continued to persevere. As a result, the judge said yes to her request.

There’s a famous quote from an unknown author that says, “Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”

Like the persistent widow, trust a gracious, loving, and merciful God to supply your needs.

by Steve Arterburn

1. How did last year go for you in your recovery?
When reflecting on last year, it’s essential to consider both positive and negative experiences. Celebrate the successes. But don’t forget to analyze any failures so that the new year can be different.

2. What’s an impossible prayer you can pray?
Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will. Ask God to do the impossible, for “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). Don’t let fear hinder you from asking God for help; let faith fuel you.

3. In what ways can you simplify your life?
Stress and burnout are some of the reasons those struggling with addiction will relapse. If your schedule feels overwhelming, consider delegating tasks and trimming unnecessary activities. By embracing less, you can achieve more in your recovery journey.

4. What does the time you spend with God look like?
Start your day off right with a moment of peace and reflection. Schedule a daily quiet time with God; even just a few minutes can make a big difference. Begin with a prayer and delve into the life-changing words of God’s Word. A great Bible to read is The Life Recovery Bible.

5. How can you use your time more wisely?
For a few days, track where all your time goes. Then, take a closer look at your daily routine. Identify and eliminate non-essential activities that do not contribute to your recovery or healing.

6. Are there any healthy habits you’d like to start?
A habit is a behavior done with little to no thought. Reflect on any healthy habits you can incorporate into your daily routine. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself; solidifying a new habit may take weeks or months.

7. What everyday challenges do you face that could hinder your success in recovery?
Consider adding daily journaling to your routine if you haven’t already. It’s a powerful tool to become more aware of your emotions, thoughts, and the temptations that could hinder your progress.

8. Are there any mistakes that you made last year that you want to avoid making again this year?
A mistake made once or twice is a mistake, but a mistake made repeatedly is a pattern. Ask God—and your accountability partner—to show you some of the mistakes you made last year. Then, brainstorm ways to avoid making the same mistakes in the new year.

9. How can you make your relationships healthier?
It has been said that you are the sum of 5 people you spend the most time with. Are the people you are the closest to healthy? What about the rest of your relationships? For help forming authentic relationships where you’ll also find accountability, attend a Life Recovery Group weekly.

10. Where do you want to be in the future?
When addiction held you captive, the future felt bleak. But in recovery, goals and dreams are within reach. Imagine where you want to be a year to five years from now. God has gotten you through so much in the past; you can trust He has good plans for you in the future (see Jeremiah 29:11). 11. What steps must you take to get to where you’d like to be a year from now? Reflecting on what you could imagine for your future, take a moment to pen a letter to your future self one year from now. Share the essential steps you plan to take, the new habits you aim to cultivate, and the supportive individuals you can turn to for guidance.

Start your new year off right with the support you need! Call us at 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) to get started.

by Kimberlee Bousman

Let’s face it: Christmas is stressful. Of all the seasons of the year, this is the time of year when we feel the most powerless over the circumstances around us.

At Christmas, we’re not in the driver’s seat. After all, we must be patient while waiting in line to find a parking spot. We have much to do on our to-do list but not enough time or money to get everything done and buy all the presents. When spending time with extended family, we must be mindful of others’ schedules, feelings, and ideas. Often, the whole experience is uncomfortable and frightening. But during this stressful time of year, we can find hope and serenity in the promises of God.

Mary was in her early teens when destiny took her by the hand. She was greeted by an angel who announced that God had chosen her to be the mother of the Messiah. She found herself pregnant, much to the confusion of her fiancé, family, friends, and neighbors. After the angel returned to visit her fiancé, he believed Mary’s story and married her. When the time came to give birth, she and Joseph were required to travel the long, arduous journey to Bethlehem. There, in a smelly stable carved out of the side of a rocky hill, she delivered the baby. Only her husband was there to attend Jesus’ birth (Luke 1:26–2:20).

What power did she have over her circumstances? She was powerless under the will of God, the decree of the state, the limitations of their financial poverty, and the demands of her body. And yet, by holding on to the promises God had given her, she found serenity in her powerlessness and gave birth to the Savior. This Christmas, things may be stressful, but you can stress less. Here are just a few ways to deal with stress:

• Read God’s Word and pray daily.
• Schedule time for self-care.
• When feeling overwhelmed, take a break.
• Minimize screen time in favor of connection.
• Attend a Life Recovery Group weekly or a few times a week.

When we are powerless, we can find serenity by holding on to the promises of God. When we do this, we will find new life and salvation being born again into our lives.

No matter our stressful our circumstances are at Christmas, God meets us there with His grace.

By Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop

Adapted from The Life Recovery Devotional.

If your goal is to not drink, here are 8 drama-free ways to get through the holidays alcohol-free.

1. Find a sober friend to support you.
Before going to a party or night out where alcohol may be present, invite a friend who doesn’t drink—or plans to not drink that night—to go. This is a drama-free way to get support if the temptation to drink gets too hard or overwhelming. If your friend or accountability partner can’t go, call in with them during the party to check in with them.

2. Set boundaries beforehand.
Be comfortable communicating boundaries. Before attending an event where people may offer alcohol, set a limit by telling them, “I can go, but please don’t ask me to drink because I’ve given up alcohol. If it is too tempting, I may have to leave early.”

3. Don’t give up because you slipped up.
It’s not uncommon for someone in recovery from alcohol addiction to have a relapse. All too often, a person in recovery may see relapse as a reason to give up and throw in the towel altogether…don’t! Instead, see a slip-up as a temporary, not a moral failure. If you do relapse, call an accountability partner, friend, or counselor as soon as possible to let them know what happened.

4. Give yourself permission to say ‘no’ to going to parties where alcohol will be served.
If going to a party where alcohol is going to be served and the temptation might be too much, feel free to simply say “no” to the party invitation. There’s no need to give an excuse or explanation.

5. Double up on going to Life Recovery Group meetings.
To stay accountable to others and to talk about some of the struggles of the holiday season, plan to attend a couple of recovery meetings every week by attending a Life Recovery Group. There are hundreds of groups to choose from—many are online and on different days and times. Find a group here.

6. Identify and avoid your triggers.
Many people feel anxious and overwhelmed at Christmas. In fact, 64 percent of individuals who struggle with mental health issues say that the holidays make things worse for them, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Recognize what your triggers are and find healthy ways to deal with them. So, if finances are a struggle, create a budget and stick with it, even if it means letting others know an expensive gift is not in your budget.

7. Avoid visual reminders at restaurants.
Out of sight means out of mind. Standing away from the bar in a restaurant and choosing a spot at the table looking away from it can help. It is also acceptable to let the host or hostess seating you know to seat you further away from the bar.

8. Remember your why.
One of the most drama-free ways to get through the holidays alcohol-free is to remember why you decided not to drink in the first place. Spend some time praying to ask God for wisdom, and be sure to ask yourself, “Why do I want to stop drinking?” Perhaps you want to stop drinking because you’ve gotten in trouble with the law due to alcohol, or maybe your doctor pointed out that drinking is creating health problems for you. Whatever the motivation is to stop drinking alcohol, write down why you want to stop. Then, when you’re tempted to drink, pull it out and look at it.

Is alcohol addiction a struggle? Please know that we are here for you. Call 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) to find a counselor, coach, or Life Recovery Group.

by Kimberlee Bousman

To avoid relapse, be on the lookout for—and overcome-—the following six obstacles.

1. Stress
Research shows that the more stressful a recovering addict’s life is, the more likely they are to turn back to an addictive substance or behavior to cope. Don’t let stress get in the way of recovery; recognize when you are stressed and learn healthier ways to cope.

Healthy ways to cope with stress:

• Improving your work-life balance
• Breathing exercises
• Taking regular breaks
• Exercising

2. Difficult Emotions
Ignoring emotions, stuffing feelings down, and bottling everything up is a massive obstacle to maintaining sobriety. Experiencing emotions—like anger, sadness, or fear—provides a powerful growth opportunity. Try writing in a journal, seeing a counselor in the New Life Counseling Network, and talking to a friend about your feelings.

3. People and Places
No matter how well recovery is going, it’s tempting to see old friends and go to the same old places. Try brainstorming with a mentor or accountability partner about how to respond. For example, suppose a recovering alcoholic is asked by their coworkers to go out for a drink after work. In that case, they can respond by saying, “No, thank you. I already have plans,” then call up a friend or an accountability partner and talk with them instead of giving in to temptation.

4. Isolation
As one increases in their ability to stay sober, they may think that it’s okay to isolate themselves and skip recovery meetings altogether. However, attending a recovery group every week is a great strategy to prevent a relapse. There are numerous Life Recovery Group meetings online and in-person, so there’s no excuse to stay isolated. Attending recovery meetings every week can be a life-saving decision. Schedule going to a meeting regularly and actively participating in it—this will help you deal with emotional struggles inside and keep from acting out.

5. Complacency
Being overconfident in recovery can lead to complacency. In Life Recovery Groups, warnings about complacency are often part of the discussion. It is vital to remain active and humble so that complacency doesn’t undermine your sobriety. If you feel as if the “hard part” is over and that the work has been done, you’ll be more likely to relapse and fall back into addiction.

6. Holidays and Celebrations
Everyone is celebrating during the holidays, so it’s easy to think, “I deserve a night off.” But sobriety doesn’t take a vacation day, holiday, or night off. Instead of going out for the night or going over to a party that might not be the best environment, have a plan, such as inviting sober friends or your Life Recovery Group over for a nice meal and to watch movies together.

Struggling with sobriety? Has it been hard to overcome these and other obstacles? Please know we are here for you! Call 800-NEW-LIFE.

By Kimberlee Bousman

Wow! What a reminder! There’s no doubt that one should give thanks more often. Time is set aside for being grateful at mealtimes, Sunday mornings, and Thanksgiving. But a person in recovery from addiction should not let an hour go by without giving thanks . . . for work, school, kids, health, spouse, friends, blessings, and even challenges.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT) says, “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

When a person in recovery has a God-awareness about life and sense Him working in their life—both in the important things and the trivial things—it’s hard not to be thankful. A grateful heart finds the countless blessings of God, even in the mundane.

Practicing gratitude may seem easy to some but daunting to others. For most people, their brains have been wired and become accustomed to thinking one way—often negative. This can be especially true for those in recovery.

Those with addiction issues sometimes have maladjusted ways of thinking, which become habits. These thoughts, as mentioned, can tend to be negative. But negative thoughts will never lead to a positive life. Being grateful, though, can do the opposite. It can rewire the brain and improve one’s overall mental and physical well-being.

Becoming grateful is as simple as building a new way of thinking. This can be accomplished through some simple practices. And just as with any other habit, gratitude can become a part of everyday life.

To be more grateful in recovery, you can:

• Write in a gratitude journal.
• Keep a gratitude jar.
• Write prayers out.
• Send thank-you notes.
• Share your story in a Life Recovery Group.

Take time to thank God and be grateful every day. Be thankful for the victories, whether small or big. By remembering what God has done in the past and is doing in the present, it will give you strength to overcome struggles in the future.

By Steve Arterburn

Oswald Chambers correctly observed, “Our Lord never asks us to decide for Him; He asks us to yield to Him—a very different matter.” These words serve as a reminder that even when one can’t fully understand what God is doing, one must trust Him and accept His will.

Everyone will experience adversity and pain. As a human being with limited comprehension, one can never fully understand the will of their Father in heaven. But when believers trust a benevolent God, they must also trust His providence.

When Jesus went to the Mount of Olives, as described in Luke 22, He poured out His heart to God. Jesus knew of the agony He was destined to endure but that God’s will must be done. Like Jesus, a believer will face trials that bring fear and trembling to the very depths of their soul. Likewise, they must seek God’s will, not their own.

Has there ever been a personal tragedy that was hard to understand? If so, it’s time to make peace with life. It’s time to forgive others and surrender to the Lord. It’s time to accept the unchangeable past, embrace the priceless present, and have faith in tomorrow’s promise. It’s time to trust God completely. And it’s time to trust God to make a way—He will make a way when there seems to be no way.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Acceptance means learning to trust God more. Today, think of at least one aspect of life that has been hard for you to accept. Then ask God for the ability to help you accept it and trust Him for the future.

By Steve Arterburn

Before going to bed, spend a few minutes thinking about the good and the bad things that happened that day. Record answers in a journal. Consider asking the following questions when taking a daily inventory:

1. “What do I have to be grateful for today?”
Take the time to write down all the things that happened that day to thank God for. Write down as many things as possible each day—whether it’s a compliment from a coworker, an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend or an answer to prayer. Seeing life through the lenses of gratitude can give hope to prevent relapses or giving up altogether.

2. “Did I say or do anything that I need to take responsibility for?”
Everyone makes mistakes and has poor behavior and judgment at one time or another. But the act of trying to right a wrong that happened today is much easier than trying to make amends years from now. Pray and ask God for the wisdom and courage to apologize if needed.

3. “Did any regrets from the past or fears for the future flood my mind?”
Fearful, anxious thoughts can quickly come into the mind if left unchecked. These thoughts can destroy peace of mind and lead to poor decision making. List any fears, worries, or regrets. Remember, fear should compel us to trust in God. David said, “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you” (Psalm 56:3, NLT).

4. “Is there anything that happened today to threaten my sobriety?”
Sobriety is a process; setbacks will happen. But the best way to prevent a relapse is long before it happens. Understand external triggers such as people, places, and things that elicit thoughts or cravings associated with addiction.

5. “Did I allow myself to become too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?”
The H.A.L.T. acronym is helpful in avoiding or resolving feelings of hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness for those in recovery. By learning to identify these feelings and trying to meet these basic needs in healthy ways, it’s easier to reduce and relieve triggers that pop up. The key is to pay attention to them and not ignore them.

6. “Is there anything I need to admit to God and those to whom I’m accountable?”
A critical component of taking a daily personal inventory is being honest. Taking an inventory helps to spot negative patterns as they emerge—be sure to talk about these with a New Life Counselor and a Life Recovery Group.

7. “What steps can I take to have a better tomorrow?”
In recovery, there will be good days and bad days. When things don’t go so well, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Take it one day at a time. Learn lessons today and realize it’s never too late to make better choices tomorrow.

If you or a loved one needs help with recovery, call 800-NEW-LIFE. We can connect you with a licensed counselor or certified coach.

by Kimberlee Bousman

This definition is accurate, as far as it goes. But when one examines the deeper meaning of friendship, many more descriptors come to mind such as trustworthiness, loyalty, helpfulness, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, encouragement, humor, and cheerfulness, to mention but a few. A trusted friend can help someone discover God’s unfolding purposes for their life. Seek a friend who is wise, honest, and encouraging.

Suppose one genuinely wants to strengthen one’s character. In that case, one must build closer relationships with people who want to do the same. That’s why fellowship with like-minded believers should be integral to every believer’s life. Friendships should be uplifting, enlightening, encouraging, and (above all) character-building.

Having friends who seek God’s will and obey God’s Word is wise. One place to look for friends like this is in a local church. Another place is in a Life Recovery Group. Find one online or in-person here.

When one builds lasting friendships pleasing to God—relationships with godly men and women whose values are admirable and whose intentions are honorable—they will be richly blessed. But suppose someone spends time with folks whose priorities are as questionable as their ethics. In that case, they’re treading on dangerous grounds. So, here’s an invaluable tip for character building: Choose friends carefully.

When choosing a friend, be less concerned with their appearances and more about them having integrity. Resolve to be a trustworthy, encouraging, loyal friend to others. It should be a genuine friend who—through their presence and their love—is helping others to build their character. Friendship is a glorious gift praised by God. Give thanks for that gift and nurture it.

When it comes to choosing friends, remember Proverbs 27:17, which teaches the importance of choosing good friends when it says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

By Steve Arterburn

Not only does the Bible require making amends, but so do the 12 Steps. Life Recovery Step 9 says, “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Here are some suggestions on what to do—and say—when making amends.

1. Start with a heartfelt apology.
Don’t apologize on social media or through texting. Instead, try talking sincerely to the other person face-to-face. Avoid making a general apology like, “I apologize for everything.” Rather, look them in the eye and say, “It was very callous of me to hurt you as I did, and I apologize for the harm I caused you.”

2. Take responsibility for your actions.
Making amends is more than just offering an apology—making amends is when an individual takes responsibility for their part in hurting someone. Blaming, making excuses, and minimizing are all signs of avoiding responsibility. A better way is to say, “I alone am responsible.”

3. Be specific about what you did wrong.
It is best to specifically name any faults, offenses, or sins committed that hurt the other person. It may even help to write down the wrongdoings and practice beforehand to be prepared. Going into the meeting knowing what to say shows the other person that resolving the matter is essential; being detailed in the conversation demonstrates care and concern.

4. Genuinely express remorse.
Just saying “I was wrong” is not enough. One must also show sorrow over what one did, how one hurt the other person and the pain it caused them. The offender must convey genuine feelings of remorse to successfully make amends.

5. Listen and validate.
Often, a person who has been hurt longs to feel heard, understood, and validated. When making amends, be sure to take the time to ask questions and listen. Let the other person talk about their feelings, experience, and perspective. Then, after they are done talking, validate them by saying, “I can see why you would feel that way.”

6. Ask for forgiveness.
When asking for forgiveness, be authentic. Be willing to accept any consequences—no matter how severe. If the other person forgives but acts poorly, it’s okay to not reconcile. Even though a person says they forgive, they might not be ready to reconcile.

7. Do what you can to rectify the situation.
Ask the other person if there is a way to amend wrongdoings. This shows a willingness to make right that which was wrong. For example, if money was taken, offer to pay them back by saying, “I will pay you back twice the amount of money that I took from you.” Another way to rectify the situation is to see a counselor in the New Life Counseling Network.

8. Change your behavior.
The process of making amends does not have to stop after apologizing. One must take it a step further and be willing to change their behavior. By changing one’s behavior, they show others that they are doing what they can to make amends and earn back the trust that was broken.

If it has been hard for you to make amends, please know we are here for you. Call 800-NEW-LIFE. We can provide resources that can help you and connect you with a licensed counselor or certified coach.

by Kimberlee Bousman

But where there seems to be no way, God can make a way! Isaiah 43:19b (NLT) says, “I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Here are some common struggles adult children of addicts face, and how to overcome them.

1. Isolation
Growing up with a parent stuck in addiction can create an environment of unpredictability for a child. One day, the parent may be fine to be around; the next day, the parent is dangerous. These conditions can take a toll on a child’s sense of safety, which may then cause them to withdraw. Come out of hiding by finding a Life Recovery Group to connect with.

2. Attention-Seeking
Not all children of addicts are isolated; some strive to seek the attention they needed from their parents or caregivers but never got. So, they may look to inappropriate or excessive behaviors to gain the attention of others. If an individual struggles with this, they can journal to be more aware of unhealthy patterns.

3. Fear of Abandonment
The core wound of an adult child of an addict is often the fear of abandonment. Because they were abandoned or rejected as children so many times, they fear it will happen all over again as an adult. But what is broken in relationship is healed in relationship. See a licensed Christian counselor in the New Life Counselor Network will help to make sense of the past, as well as develop safe ways to cope with these fears.

4. Low Self-Worth
Children of addicts experience deep shame and guilt for their parent’s behavior. It was not their fault what happened to them; however, difficult feelings were put on them by a parent or someone else who shamed, blamed, or belittled for what their parent did. The guilt they feel for their parent’s addiction may lead to low self-worth.

5. Emotionally Numb
A parent who struggles with addiction is often unable to help their child regulate their emotions because they are emotionally dysregulated themselves. As a result, an adult child of an addict may try to numb their feelings by stuffing them down or turning to an addiction. When it is difficult for someone to name an emotion, they can look at a Feelings Word List, like the one here, to help pinpoint their feelings. By putting a name to the emotion that they are experiencing, it will be easier for them to express their feelings to others and ask for what they need in a relationship.

6. Victim Mentality
Some adult children of addicts have a victim mentality because they have come to believe that they are at the mercy of external circumstances and other people. These individuals believe they are not at fault for their choices, and there is little that they can personally do to affect the outcomes of their actions or success. Healing, though, can only happen when one takes responsibility for their life. By going through the 12 Steps of Life Recovery and attending a Life Recovery Group weekly, one can gain tools they need to overcome a victim mentality.

If you grew up with a parent who was an addict, you’ll likely identify with some of these struggles. But you have something today that you did not have as a child. You have a choice. You can change. And you don’t have to live this way anymore.

For help, call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Kimberlee Bousman

God doesn’t automatically transform a person’s character because He expects them to do the demanding work it takes to follow Christ.

The life of a follower of Christ is often depicted in the Bible as a field to cultivate:

Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you. — Hosea 10:12, NLT

Likewise, a follower of Christ must work hard to grow spiritually and become fruitful. They must till the ground hardened by sin, pull weeds that have grown from neglect, and plant seeds of biblical truth daily. But God doesn’t expect His followers to do the work by themselves; instead, He works alongside His followers, so they surrender and become willing and able to do the work. God equips each person to accomplish the tasks He has for them through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Bible is full of life-changing stories that show how God patiently works to change a person’s character. For example, take the story of Joseph in the Egyptian jail. Thirteen years passed from when he was sold by his brothers to when he left prison. Still, during his time in prison, Joseph grew to become a humble leader (see Genesis 39:20-41-41). Another story is that of Moses in the desert. After Moses killed an Egyptian, he fled to Midian. He spent forty years preparing to lead the children out of Egypt (See Exodus 3:15-4:20).

Don’t forget David’s flight from Saul (1 Samuel 21-24) and Jonah’s time in a fish’s belly (Jonah 1:17-2:10). Consider all the suffering Job went through (Job 1:13-2:8). Remember how Peter denied Christ three times (Matthew 26:69-74). Observe how Paul miraculously changed on the road to Damascus. However, preparing for missionary work still took him three years (Galatians 1:15-18).

Finally, the Bible is clear that brokenness, humility, and patience all lead to spiritual maturity and usefulness. A follower of Christ must become familiar with the stories in Scripture by reading them carefully and learning from them. Because their examples illustrate how Christ can change a person’s life.

A person’s character doesn’t change overnight because it is slowly carved out over time.

By Steve Arterburn

But self-control doesn’t come naturally for most people. It can be difficult not to give in to triggers and temptations. Old habits die hard; healthy habits take work. It’s easy to get through the end of a hard day and feel entitled to spend the evenings escaping by turning to overeating, watching porn, or on the couch binge-watching television or playing video games.

Where does self-control come from? The Bible teaches that self-control comes from two things.

First, it’s a fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) says, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

Second, it’s the result of spiritual growth. Peter, who learned some difficult lessons about self-control himself, wrote this:

In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.—2 Peter 1:5-7

How does someone develop self-control? Because self-control takes discipline, it is a muscle that needs exercise to grow. One gains strength when one walks closely to God and allows the Holy Spirit to flow through them. God will develop His character in them as they persevere, including self-control. Developing stronger self-control takes commitment and practice; it won’t just happen overnight.

So, when triggers or cravings surface throughout the day, a routine can help overcome these. Healthy habits can also help to prevent too much spare time in an individual’s day, giving an individual less time to think about or abuse substances.

Make it a habit to:

• Attend a Life Recovery Group weekly.
• Check in with a sponsor/accountability partner.
• Connect with a Coach in the New Life Coaching Network.
• Read The Life Recovery Bible daily.

Just as muscle strength increases with exercise, self-control grows when it’s exercised regularly.

By Steve Arterburn

1. You’ll have a plan to heal.
Life Recovery Groups offer a path to not only recover from addictions, heartaches, and unhealthy patterns, but to live a new life as well. The 12 Steps of Life Recovery are taught in each group; everyone who attends will have the opportunity to go through these 12 Steps. This is a good place to learn biblical and practical steps to heal for those who are hurting but don’t know where to begin.

2. You’ll improve your mental health.
Even though the idea of attending a Life Recovery Group and connecting with others may seem intimidating, the benefits to mental health are worth it. The simple act of sharing can be extremely cathartic. Some of the mental health benefits may include feeling less isolated, developing better ways to cope, and talking openly about your feelings.

3. You’ll begin to have healthier relationships.
As a result of addiction, a person’s closest relationships —with friends, family, and others—deteriorate. The focus of a Life Recovery Group is on building healthy relationships since unhealthy relationships lead to relapse. The key to recovery is to avoid bad influences, make amends, and find accountability.

4. You’ll rediscover hope.
What a powerful experience it is to see someone in recovery further than you are, making strides toward a healthier and happier future! Life Recovery Group leaders, sponsors, and supportive peers can serve as excellent role models. Having the opportunity to hear testimonies will make recovery more possible-which in turn, will lead to a more optimistic future.

5. You’ll learn how to face problems.
It is a radical commitment to escape problems that drive addiction. Recovery involves facing one’s problems, learning how to cope with and overcome them. A Life Recovery Group is a good place to learn effective ways to cope with and handle difficult situations.

6. You’ll grow from shared experiences.
One of the best benefits of attending a Life Recovery Group is the opportunity to share recovery experiences. What is the best person to go through recovery with? The person in recovery or who has already undergone the process. As group members work toward their goals, checking in with them in between weekly meetings and praying for them can help them out.

7. You’ll gain new tools to help prevent you from going back to old patterns.
Recovery is not just about stopping the old life but also about starting a new one. Life Recovery Groups are excellent for transforming negative thinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, toxic relationships, and coping with triggers. Just by going to a group, relationships will be forged that would not otherwise be made. When temptations and triggers come (and they will), having a couple of people to call from your Life Recovery Group is one of the most effective ways to overcome them.

8. You’ll be part of a loving community.
Life Recovery Groups bring people together. No matter how much emotional pain someone is going through, the most effective medicine is often the voice of the people who’ve walked in their shoes. The emotional and relational support is non-judgmental and accepting. So, it’s no wonder that the atmosphere of a Life Recovery Group is one of safety and encouragement. This makes it the perfect place to feel heard, accepted, and loved.

For help finding a Life Recovery Group in your area or online, click here or call us at 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Kimberlee Bousman 

It’s difficult to heal from the wounds of one or both parents. Even worse, if one was abused during their childhood, they may have been taught that failing to honor their abusive parents is a sin. This raises some disturbing questions: How can one honor someone whose actions are anything but honorable? Does this mean that they must stay under their control and yield to their manipulations to please God? The answer, though, to these questions is in the Bible itself. The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 5:16, NLT).

The word honor comes from a root word meaning heavy; it implies placing a weighty value on the relationship. Adult children should place a high value on their parents’ role in their lives.

Honoring parents does not mean, however, that it’s okay if parents destroy their children’s lives just because they brought them into the world. The Bible does not ask anyone to condone evil. Instead, the Bible clearly stands against parents abusing their children.

For example, Ahaz was a wicked king of Judah who did not deserve any respect or obedience from his children. The Ammonites and Canaanites influenced him to practice the worship of Molech. Images of Molech were made of bronze, and their outstretched arms were heated red-hot. Living children were placed into the idol’s hands and died there or were rolled into a fire pit below. Ahaz “even sacrificing his own son in the fire” to Molech (2 Kings 16:3).

There is no need to elaborate why King Ahaz sacrificing his son is the most heinous act imaginable that a parent could do to their child. To even call him a father is to denigrate the term.

But for the person in recovery who is evaluating their lives, they can honor their parents by realizing the heavy impact they have had on them. They don’t have to let their parents manipulate and abuse them to please God.

They can still forgive their parents and learn from their mistakes, even though they may need to set boundaries in the relationship, or distance themselves from their parents if it is unsafe to interact with them. Seeing a counselor in the New Life Counselor Network will help.

The most effective way an adult can honor their parents—even if they don’t deserve their respect—is to live their life in such a way that honors God and shows that they have grown from what they’ve gone through.

By Steve Arterburn

It was so easy to talk about what fathers should or shouldn’t be. I was new to the game, the proud stepfather of a lovably energetic five-year-old boy. Huge mistakes, mostly mine, hadn’t yet been made. His adolescence was years off, so our days were playful, and I was his hero. No wonder it was so easy for me to look critically at older fathers. I was determined never to become one.

Since then, the boy I loved has become the man who’s forgiven me. We jumped into the power struggles every relationship is doomed to, and I careened from rigid strictness to cold fury to indifference, depending on the battle. We weathered some tough years, re-bonded, and today I couldn’t be prouder of him, or of us, when I see the outcome.

But happy ending or not, I know there are things I said and did to him that were damaging. They’ll affect him and the way he sees life. I know, too, that what I didn’t say or do, and should have said or done, can’t be compensated for. In short, I understand more than ever how difficulties between fathers and sons come about.

And more than ever, while I stress the need to examine our wounds and deal with whatever anger we may have towards Dad, I also see and stress the need for a forgiving heart.

There’s a time for anger, and I’ll wager you’ve been reluctant to recognize yours. I remember the first time I admitted to myself how enraged I was with my own father, and how childish I felt. But it was a crucial beginning. Dad is that enormous figure assigned to us who will, for better or worse, affect us more profoundly than anyone else. So, your relationship with him may well play into what you’re dealing with now, including anger. “Be angry, and sin not,” Paul advised. (Ephesians 4:26, NKJV) It’s allowed.

Then, in time, let it go. Because as surely as you need to express and resolve your anger, there’ll be someone else, someday, who’ll need to do the same towards you.

By Joe Dallas

In Step One, one must realize they cannot meet God’s standards. Many addicts who are starting recovery think they can do everything in their own strength, but trying to do it all without any help is not the solution. Why? Because no one can do it all. Everyone falls short—no one is perfect. So, God gave the law as a measuring stick to reveal that no one can meet God’s holy and perfect standards.

The apostle Paul wrote:

“Why, then, was the law given? It was given alongside the promise [of salvation through faith] to show people their sins. . .If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ. . .The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith.”—Gal. 3:19, 21-22, 24, NLT

In the Bible, Hagar is a picture of powerlessness. Even though it was not her fault, she had no rights. As a servant, she was under the control and power of Sarai and Abram, her masters. But when she ran away into the wilderness, she recognized that she could not do it on her own. It wasn’t until after she recognized her powerlessness over her situation that God stepped in and helped her.

Like Hagar, the law of God is an eternal reminder of one’s true powerlessness—one’s ongoing need for a Savior and the power of God. A person’s failures reveal their powerlessness and point them back to the only one able to help them recover: God.

Until an addict recognizes their hopeless situation without outside help, God waits and does not help them. But when they admit their need and cry out to God, He helps them.
God sets addicts free from their failures and directs them toward recovery.

By Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop
Adapted from The Life Recovery Devotional by Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop

Everyone has a story to tell. Every person has gone through stages in their faith and struggled with relationships and life. Even leaders have struggles. There might be a leader who has recovered from addiction. They may have struggled with their emotions and achieved freedom with the help of God and others. After navigating difficult relationships, perhaps a leader has grown in confidence rather than become codependent. A leader—no matter their past—can offer inspiration and assistance to others who are struggling.

But a person who wants to help others through the Life Recovery process needs to know their story and be prepared to share it. The people coming to a Life Recovery Group do not want to feel like they are the only ones who struggle. And they may have lost all hope. There is power in connecting with another struggler and seeing the hope that they have.

1 Peter 3:15 says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”

Start by writing a testimony. Even though everyone has a unique story, and there’s technically no wrong way to tell it, it’s essential to write it out.

Here’s a suggested outline to help:

• Your early years
• The struggles you have experienced in your life
• When you came to know Christ as your Savior
• How Jesus has helped you with your life struggles

After a leader writes their testimony, they should practice reading it to someone. They may also want to ask them for suggestions on improving it. Ask for help with any unclear areas and to make sure that it connects with the listener. Prepare the final draft by creating an outline on a 3 x 5 card. And limit the story to five to ten minutes.

Everybody likes hearing an inspiring story — especially about hope and transformation. And if a Life Recovery Group leader shares their recovery story, it will give hope to those who hear it. This will let them know they aren’t the only ones struggling.

For more help in starting a Life Recovery Group, click here.

By Kimberlee Bousman

Want to start reading The Life Recovery Bible? If so, here are some helpful tips.

1. Start a reading plan.
There are many ways in which one can read through The Life Recovery Bible. Some read through the Bible by starting in Genesis until they go through Revelation. But others use one of the following reading plans laid out in the indexes at the back of the Bible:

• The Twelve-Step Devotional Reading Plan
• The Recovery Principle Devotional Reading Plan
• The Serenity Prayer Devotional Reading Plan

2. Go through the Twelve Steps of Life Recovery.
One of the reasons why The Life Recovery Bible was created was to integrate the Twelve Steps with Scripture. So if someone is in recovery and wants to work through the Twelve Steps, it’s an excellent tool for them to use. It lists the steps, thoroughly explains each step, gives Scripture to go with it, and has the Twelve Steps integrated throughout.

3. Incorporate it in a Life Recovery Group meeting.
One of the best ways to use The Life Recovery Bible is in a Life Recovery Group. To start a Life Recovery Group online or in person, click here. In The Life Recovery Bible, there are some helpful articles for Life Recovery Group leaders, such as:

• A Word About Addictions
• An Early History of Life Recovery
• Step-by-Step Recovery Meeting Guide
• Thriving in a Secular Recovery Group
• Life Giving Recovery Groups in the Church

4. Learn from the lives of men and women in the Bible who faced serious issues.
The Life Recovery Bible includes sixty individuals and relationships that are profiled so essential truths can be drawn from their lives. Each recovery profile includes a Bible character’s strengths, weaknesses, lessons they learned, and a key verse.

5. Journal while going through The Life Recovery Bible.
It would be helpful to write down in a journal any prayer requests, answers to prayer, Bible verses, or things that come to mind while reading the Bible. Don’t have a journal? Use The Life Recovery Journal. This is a great journal to use while reading The Life Recovery Bible because it provides 52 guided entries based on The Life Recovery Bible and The Twelve Steps of Life Recovery.

6. Memorize Scripture.
While going through the Twelve Steps and reading through The Life Recovery Bible, memorizing each verse listed in the Twelve Steps of Life Recovery may also be helpful. Then after the verse is memorized, practice sharing the verse aloud to a Life Recovery Group.

7. Use it a Bible study.
Not everyone is willing or able to go to church. So, in many ways, this Bible is one of the best Bibles for someone who wants to study God’s Word but doesn’t know where to start. Prisons, nursing homes, homeless shelters, substance abuse treatment centers, hospitals, and tens of thousands of other places worldwide have used it in their Bible studies. The Life Recovery Workbook complements The Life Recovery Bible because it has guided, open-ended questions for each of the Twelve Steps; it can also be used as a Bible study.

8. Share the message of recovery with others.
Let friends, family, and fellow strugglers know how The Life Recovery Bible has transformed your life. Get the message out as Life Recovery Step 12 states: “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

To order The Life Recovery Bible, call 800-639-5433 or click here.

To recover from addiction or an unhealthy habit, one must turn their will and life over to God. This means they must also turn their shortcomings, losses, failures, fears, and needs over to Him. Life Recovery Step Three says, “We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.”

Truth is, however, rarely does someone surrender their will and life over to God when their life is problem free. Seldom do they appreciate His love when surrounded by friends and family. Rarely do they understand His grace and forgiveness when they’re not suffering the consequences of their sin. But a person whose life has overpowered by addiction and realizes that the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change is ready to turn to God. What initially working for them in the beginning ended up nearly destroying them in the end.

Many people who get started in the renewal process get stuck because they are unwilling to assess themselves; for people who believe in nothing beyond themselves, the idea of conducting a searching moral inventory is frightening. However, it is what must happen if one wants to recover completely.

Taking a moral inventory begins in Life Recovery Step Four, which says, “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

A moral inventory, though, should not stop with only taking one inventory—recover is a daily, ongoing process. Therefore, a moral inventory should be done as often as necessary. After all, Life Recovery Step Ten says, “We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.”

Seeing the truth and accepting reality every day will cause discomfort, not nervousness or a surge of ambition. But attending a Life Recovery Group will make it easier. But spiritual renewal results when one’s pain leads them to the Cross and ultimately to the crucifixion of self, as the apostle Paul described when writing to the church in Galatia: “I have been crucified with Christ. I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:19-20, NIV).

Daily death to self begins a life filled with the power of the living Christ.

by Steve Arterburn

Adapted from Seven Keys to Spiritual Renewal by Steve Arterburn.

“We must be transparent to heal because God created us to be in community and relationships—not only with Him, but with one another.”

Sponsors play a very important role in recovery. To understand and utilize a sponsor, examine the history of sponsorship and consider what to look for in a sponsor.

History of Sponsorship
The idea of being accountable to others is nothing new. The Bible is clear that accountability is a prerequisite for healing. James 5:16a (NLT) says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

Since the recovery movement began, a critical healing component has been finding a sponsor. Alcoholics Anonymous started when the founders, Bill W., a stockbroker, and Dr. Bob S, a surgeon, met in 1935 and formed support groups and the Twelve Steps based on biblical principles.

Bill W. struggled with alcohol and wanted to find someone else in a similar situation. When he met Dr. Bob S., they were two fellow strugglers who were able to help each other. At the time, there was no such thing as 12-step programs or sponsors. The only option for substance abuse treatment was going to a mental hospital.

Later, hospitals required patients struggling with alcohol to find a “sponsor” from a local A.A. program before being discharged. The sponsor would then take the person struggling with alcohol to their first meeting and be available to help them whenever needed. That is where the term “sponsor” in recovery originated from.

What to Look for in a Sponsor
There are three things to keep in mind when looking for a sponsor.

First, look for a sponsor in a Life Recovery Group. Choose a sponsor who shares a similar faith, has completed the 12 Steps, and has finished one or more years of continuous sobriety (Some experts recommend five years). Working with someone experienced in staying sober throughout various challenges has much to bring to the table.

Second, look for a trustworthy sponsor. A sponsor is there as an impartial party; they should never be in it for any other reason than to help an addict achieve sobriety. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, it is best to select a sponsor of the same gender.

Third, look for a sponsor who makes time to talk. Recovery doesn’t have a timetable. There will be times when a sponsor is needed to talk to or text in the wee hours of the night. So, pick a sponsor who is not too busy but can meet once a week or when a need arises. However, remember that a sponsor is not the same as a counselor, pastor, or friend. Still, it’s essential to choose someone who is patient and can listen when they need to.

Finding the right sponsor isn’t easy—it might even take a couple of tries to get the right person—but healing is worth it. Don’t hesitate to call 800-639-5433 to find a New Life Counselor or Coach who can help.

by Kimberlee Bousman

Why do some people numb their emotions rather than feel them? In their home growing up, children were probably seen rather than heard. Their parents did not help them process their feelings. Anger was met with rage, fear went unacknowledged, and there was plenty of shame to go around. So, they numbed their difficult emotions by turning to something like eating, shopping, watching pornography, or other things.

Does this sound familiar? Instead of numbing feelings, take out a journal and try the Comfort Circle exercise.

1. Keep a list of feeling words handy (This is sometimes known as Soul Words or a Feelings List).
   Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s book, How We Love, has a list of Soul Words that can be used and explains more about how to use the Comfort Circle in marriage or another close relationship.
2. Take out the Soul Words or Feelings List and pick out the top three feelings.
   For example, when feeling anxious, look at the list and pick a word that describes anxiety. For example, write down, “I feel scared, tense, and frightened.”
3. Scan the body and describe how it feels.
   Is there any pressure, tension, or pain? Notice how the heart feels. Is it slow or pounding? Take a moment to write down how it feels in the body.
4. Discover any false beliefs, lies, or assumptions because of the feelings.
   For example, write down, “When I feel this way, I believe ____________ about myself, God, or others…”
5. Find out the root of when the feelings first occurred.
   Ask, “When did I first feel like this? How old was I?” Then, record the answers in a journal.
6. Connect your past to the present.
   On a scale of 1 to 10, how much are your current feelings about the past versus the present? Does this same feeling keep coming up? Remember, whatever isn’t healed from the past will keep coming up in the present.
7. Bring feelings and needs into current relationships.
   Write a request or a statement of how to ask for help. Make sure to use “I” statements rather than “you.” For example, write “I feel ____________. I need ____________. Then share this with a friend, family member, spouse, or someone else.

It’s never easy to work through emotions—especially for someone who has been numbing their emotions for a long time—but God designed humans to feel their feelings. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4b (NLT) says, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…A time to cry and a time to laugh.”

For more help on the Comfort Circle, attend New Life’s Intimacy in Marriage Workshop. To learn more, call 800-639-5433.

by Kimberlee Bousman

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has on one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:12-13

What is love?

Theologians, musicians, writers, and even Hollywood directors, have attempted to define, explain, and quantify love throughout history. But there has yet to be a consensus reached so far.

When it comes down to it, however, love is a choice.

A person can choose to act lovingly toward others or selfishly toward them. There is no mistaking that the foundation of genuine love is not feelings that change from day to day, from week to week, and sometimes even from moment to moment. There is no doubt that true love requires effort because it is a decision—one must be willing to do their part to build a lasting relationship.

Christ’s words are clear: Love God first, and then love others (See Matthew 22:37-40). These two commands are burdensome because humans are born being selfish, and it takes a lifetime to learn how to put others’ needs first and become selfless. But because of Christ’s example, loving others is not optional—it is a command.

The Christian path is an exercise in love and forgiveness. Need help? Connect with a New Life Counselor or Coach. To walk in Christ’s footsteps, you must accept God’s love, forgive those who’ve harmed you, and freely share God’s love with your spouse, friends, neighbors, and even strangers.

How?

To love others as Christ does, here are three easy questions to ask your spouse, a friend, or a family member:

• “What does it feel like being in a relationship with me?”
• “What can I do to improve our relationship?”
• “What do you need from me?”

God did not intend for His followers to settle for mediocre marriages or friendships. He made men and women capable of extraordinary things and deep relationships. Healthy relationships require compassion, wisdom, empathy, kindness, courtesy, and forgiveness. If it sounds like too much work, don’t forget that God rewards those who love Him and love others. He knows that the person who does the work will reap the fruits of their labor. These fruits will enrich the lives of your loved ones and the lives of generations yet unborn.

Want a love that lasts? Then understand this: The foundation of genuine love is not feelings; love is a choice one must make each day. And keep making it!

by Steve Arterburn

Here are some signs of relationship addiction to be watching out for.

1. Base self-worth on being in a relationship.
Someone who is insecure may constantly look for another person to affirm and validate them. They think a dating relationship will give reassurance but being so desperate to be in a relationship may lead them to a toxic person. Real worth and identity are found in knowing Christ and God’s Word.

2. Have no life outside of the relationship.
Someone with a relationship addiction spends less time on their own personal interests, hobbies, goals, social life, work, etc. When the focus is only on the relationship and there’s no life outside of it, the relationship is not balanced. A balanced relationship involves both partners having interests outside the relationship.

3. Lie or conceal the extent of their partner’s toxic behavior from others.
Why would anyone want to hide unhealthy behavior—such as disrespect, abuse, betrayal, etc.—about their partner from others? For the most part, it may be that they have shame. But to heal and end this cycle of relationship addiction, expose the truth to the light.

“We stuff shame down deep rather than bring it into the light. Thus, we sow seeds of self-loathing – seeds that will eventually give birth to the pain that launches the whole cycle all over again.”—Steve Arterburn

4. Disregard advice from family, friends, or others who point out problems with the relationship.
When others say the relationship is unhealthy or needs to end, and they don’t consider the advice, this may indicate a relationship addiction. When it comes to dating, it’s essential to get input from others—if they are worried about the relationship, listen, and consider what they have to say. God’s Word says, “…there is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:14b, NLT).

5. Continue in the relationship despite the negative impact on their mental, physical, or spiritual health.
Has the relationship had a positive effect on mental health, or has it had negative effect? If it has been negative, communicate concerns, set boundaries, and break off the relationship if it continues. But what if they have difficulty breaking off the relationship because they continue to obsess over the person or become fixated on them? Then this could be a sign of relationship addiction.

6. Mistake intensity in a relationship with intimacy.
The highs and lows of a relationship may draw a person to get hooked on relationship addiction. It can be easy to mistake intensity for intimacy, but they are very different. True emotional intimacy takes time. But intensity is different because it often happens when individuals get caught up in fantasy, whirlwind romance, drama, or physical attraction. One example is having an affair.

“If you’re having an affair, it’s easy for you to mistake intensity with intimacy.”—Milan Yerkovich

7. Remain in a toxic relationship because they think it’s better to be in an unhealthy relationship than to be alone.
At the root of relationship addiction is unhealed childhood needs. Being abandoned, neglected, or abused in childhood often leads to an insecure attachment style. Don’t allow a fear of being alone or abandoned to be the reason to stay in an unsafe relationship. End the cycle by seeking help from a New Life Counselor or Coach.

“Be strong enough to say ‘no more.”—Dr. Sheri Keffer

To learn more about relationship addiction, please call us at 800-639-5433 to find a counselor or coach. It’s not too late to form healthy relationships. Call us today.

by Kimberlee Bousman

Here are 5 Scriptural ways to pray for a loved one:

1. Psalm 44:20-21—God knows our hearts.
“If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods, God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart, for he knows the secrets of every heart.”

Pray: God, You know _______’s heart. You know their secrets and the hidden things that I will never know. Father, guide _______ in the secret places of their heart. Shine Your light in their heart—and drive away any darkness. Heal their heart. Dear God, help _______ to live their life with the knowledge that you know their heart and everything that is in it.

2. Acts 15:8-9—God purifies our hearts by faith.
“God knows people’s hearts, and he confirmed that he accepts Gentiles by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith.”

Pray: God, I pray that You will help _______ to accept Christ as their Savior and to grow in their relationship with You. Please remove anything that stands in the way of their salvation. And I thank You that You will accept them by giving them Your Holy Spirit to purify their heart by faith.

3. Jeremiah 17:10—God searches our hearts.
“But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.”

Pray: God, search _______’s heart and examine their mind. Lead them in the way where they can be of service to You. Thank You, God, that You will reward _______’s deeds of obedience. And even more, God, thank You for putting in their heart the desire to want to do good.

4. Deuteronomy 8:2—God tests our hearts.
“Remember how the LORD your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands.”

God, I pray that as You test _______’s heart, You will help them to know that You are interested in what’s in their heart and want to help their heart to heal and to know You and the peace that only You can bring. I pray You will give _______ the heart to know You and obey You completely.

5. Exodus 10:1-2—God hardens and softens hearts. “Then the LORD said to Moses, ‘Return to Pharaoh and make your demands again. I have made him and his officials stubborn so I can display my miraculous signs among them. I’ve also done it so you can tell your children and grandchildren about how I made a mockery of the Egyptians and about the signs I displayed among them—and so you will know that I am the LORD.’”

Pray: God, I know You hardened Pharoah’s heart so that You could reveal Yourself to Your people and the unbelieving Egyptians. And I know that Your plans for _______ to glorify You are far above anything I could ever imagine. Yet I pray, God, that You will keep _______’s heart soft toward You. Protect them from hardening their heart.

What is self-sabotage?
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “sabotage” as: “destruction of property or the hindering of manufacturing by discontented workers; destructive or obstructive action; an act or process tending to hamper or hurt; deliberate subversion.” Addiction itself is a form of self-sabotage. Rather than dealing with painful emotions and events in healthy ways, it is often easier to turn to destructive ways—like alcohol, drugs, porn, or overeating—to escape. Even after starting recovery, self-sabotage can still occur.

Here are some signs of self-sabotage in recovery:

• Spending time with other addicts who are active in their addiction and encourage you to use
• Putting off going to counseling or a Life Recovery Group
• Having negative self-talk
• Relapsing on the anniversary of getting sober

Why would someone self-sabotage?
There are a few reasons why someone who has worked so hard to get sober and transform their life would throw it away. One cause of self-sabotage is shame. In contrast to healthy guilt, in which a person who has relapsed may think, “What I did was bad,” a person struggling with shame may think, “I am bad.” These feelings may trigger a person to relapse. Another factor is fear. Whether it’s fear of messing up, failing, or letting people down, fear can be a powerful motivator to self-sabotage. Additionally, negative self-talk plays a role. Negative self-talk is common among people who feel inadequate. The more they believe these lies, the more they sabotage themselves.

What is the solution to self-sabotage?
The solution to self-sabotage is to learn new and healthier ways to respond to and cope with painful emotions and destructive thoughts. Talking about emotions is one way to do this. In that way, emotions and feelings are less likely to drive self-destructive behavior when they’re openly discussed. Meeting regularly with a New Life Counselor can help ease intense feelings that feed into self-sabotage urges. Furthermore, one needs to stop talking negatively to oneself. A person who self-sabotages usually believes they are flawed, will fail, or doesn’t deserve favorable outcomes. Does this sound familiar? If so, replace the old negative thoughts with new positive ones.

Finally, learn not to act on your emotions. When difficult emotions arise, it is imperative to be still and not react to them. Emotional decisions are often the ones that we regret later because—in the heat of the moment—we are not thinking clearly or logically. To avoid self-sabotaging your sobriety, don’t allow them to guide your actions and choices. By knowing what self-sabotage is, understanding why it may be a struggle, and finding a solution to overcome it, maintaining your sobriety will be much easier.

Take a moment and reflect on what Isaiah 43:19 says, “For I am about to do something new.” Instead of sabotaging the new year, let God do something new this year!

To “carry this message to others” and to help them get off the wrong path and onto the right one, there are four important qualities one must have.

First, it takes courage. Whether at a meeting or in everyday life, God will provide many opportunities to share the message of Life Recovery. Find a Life Recovery Group, participate in the weekly meetings, invite others to attend, mentor someone, or even lead a Life Recovery Group. Learn how to start a Life Recovery Group.

Secondly, it takes gentleness. Galatians 6:1 (NLT) explains: “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.”

The only person capable of guiding others from the wrong path to the right one is one who is gentle enough to do so. It’s easy for anyone to get stuck on this perilous path by choosing to numb their painful feelings and past traumas with addictions and unhealthy habits. When confronting someone stuck in their shortcomings, be gentle—not judgmental.

Third, it takes humility. People should be restored, not destroyed. Bringing others back to God is the purpose of restoring them. Despite this, most individuals rarely demonstrate humility when they try to restore someone. Why? In some cases, people are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, while in other cases, they are too harsh or motivated by selfish interests. To maintain a healthy balance, here are some questions to think about:

• “Am I doing this to help others or to promote myself?”
• “Do I sound inspiring or condemning?”
• “Am I afraid of hurting their feelings if I tell them the truth, or am I able to speak the truth in love?”

Fourth, it takes accountability. In a safe relationship, each person is held accountable—if a setback happens, it’s easy to get back on track. Therefore, accountability helps to carry the message of Life Recovery. Like a person who looks into a mirror and fixes whatever needs to be fixed, someone who is held accountable for their actions will always work toward becoming a better person.

Finally, even after going through all the Twelve Steps, recovery is never truly finished. It takes a lifetime of having courage, gentleness, humility, and accountability to carry the message of recovery to others for life.

by Steve Arterburn

1. Have a plan in place.
Before going to a party or spending time with family, think about what will happen. Have a team of friends and accountability partners to provide support. Here are some questions to ask:

• “Who is going to be there?”
• “What feelings will this bring up?”
• “Am I even ready to go?”

2. Let the family know.
Families often get together and drink this time of year. Anyone in recovery from alcohol addiction should tell their family beforehand that they are in recovery and won’t be drinking alcohol this year.

3. Invite people over.
Going out to an event venue or with a group may be too much of a temptation. Instead, consider asking people over and hosting a party.

4. Have healthy conversations.
Holding everything in will make things worse. Begin to have authentic conversations—it will feel uncomfortable at first, but it will bring healing. Being honest and real will inspire other family members to feel open enough to share.

5. Make amends.
Addiction is a family disease. But most families don’t even realize how addiction is connected to the family system. Getting together with family can be a time to forgive others, as well as to ask for forgiveness.

6. Continue to go to recovery meetings.
Don’t stop going to meetings just because family members want to do activities together. Spending time with family is important, but recovery should still be a priority. If something interferes with attending a recovery group, set boundaries and learn to say no.

7. Watch out for triggers.
Whether it’s a person, place, or thing, there will always be the temptation to relapse. Look out for these. Find ways to work around these triggers by looking for healthier ways to cope and do things to inspire sober living. For example, painting—or a similar activity—can help calm stress and anxiety.

8. Start new traditions.
If family and friends have always had certain Christmas traditions, they may expect everyone to participate. And for a person in recovery from alcohol addiction, putting sobriety first may feel selfish. One way to put recovery first is to start new traditions. Perhaps invite an entire Life Recovery Group over to watch a Christmas movie together.

9. Remember, the old is gone, and the new has come.
The Bible says, “The old life is gone; a new life has begun” (2 Corinthians 5:17). There is nothing more encouraging than having a new year to start over again. The old life is in the past, and a new life is here!

Has sobriety been a struggle? Call us at 800-NEW-LIFE. We can recommend a counselor, Life Recovery Group, or a treatment center.

by Corey Busk

Excerpted from Life Recovery Today with Stephen Arterburn.

1. Confess any shortcomings.
   Confession means “to agree with” God what is true about one’s condition. One must stop blaming others and excusing themselves. When an individual asks God for forgiveness, “He is faithful and just to forgive” them (1 John 1:9, NLT). Only when someone confesses that they are stuck will they begin to get unstuck and start to grow in their faith.
2. Admit any failures.
   No one can save themselves. One must come to the end of themselves, admit their failures, and say, “God, I’ve failed in my attempts to change and to get better.” But if someone tries to overcome their problems by willpower alone, they will fail. Instead of trying harder, they must admit they are weak, and then they’ll find strength in the Lord. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says Christ’s “power works best in weakness.”
3. Get help from God.
   What is the essence of humility? When one recognizes that one can’t do it on their own and asks for help. Perhaps they struggle with codependency, alcohol addiction, or depression. They can’t overcome these alone; however, they can ask God and then others for help. Matthew 7:7 says, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.”
4. Ask God to reveal any weaknesses.
   David asked God in Psalm 139:24 to “Point out anything” he was doing that offended Him. David’s request brought to light his brokenness and sin that needed to be forgiven and turned from. In 12-step language, this is taking a “moral inventory,” which involves granting the Holy Spirit permission to reveal any weaknesses and transform anything that needs to be changed.
5. Turn from evil.
   When one discovers the sick areas of their life, one must turn from them to be healed. For example, when someone realizes they are controlling, they can confess it to God and a safe person, like a licensed counselor or accountability partner. Spiritual growth happens when one confesses their sins to the Lord, brings them into the light, and repents.
6. Become aware of unmet needs, and learn to meet them in safe relationships.
   If someone did not get the love they needed as a child, it’s not too late for them to find safe people to help them to get their needs met. Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families.” Since one’s hurt usually stems from their relationships, their healing must also come from relationships.
7. Make amends.
   The Bible teaches that to have peace with God, one must have peace with others. 1 John 4:20 puts it this way: “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar.” It’s impossible to grow in one’s faith unless one takes responsibility for the pain they’ve caused others and takes steps to make amends.
8. Forgive others.
   After someone has confessed their sins to God and has received His forgiveness, they can extend that same grace to others. In fact, a person’s recovery and well-being are intimately tied to their ability to forgive and extend grace to others. It does a person no good to receive God’s forgiveness but fail to forgive others. Forgiveness comes not just with the will but from “your heart” (Matt. 18:35).
9. Use God-given talents wisely.
   God has given every person unique abilities to use. What was the difference between the “good servant” and the “wicked servant” in Matthew 25? The good servant invested their talents wisely, while the wicked servant did not. How much each servant accomplished didn’t matter—what mattered is whether they had used what they had been given.
10. Seek the Lord daily.
    Anyone who asks the Lord will receive; anyone who seeks will find (See Matt. 7:8). This is always based on whether what is requested is God’s will. Even if God does not answer one’s prayers right away, one should persevere in prayer and keep presenting one’s requests to the Lord daily as the Bible teaches in the Parable of the Persistent Widow (See Luke 18:1-5).
11. Gain truth and wisdom.
    God has revealed His truth in the Bible and even through His creation. Know what God teaches in His Word, become a student of it, pray over it, and meditate on it. Applying biblical truth to life takes wisdom. Those who have grown in their faith can use the truth from God’s Word to “recognize the difference between right and wrong” (Heb. 5:14).
12. Obey God’s commandment to love.
    Why do some grow in their faith while others remain stagnant? Those who hold onto hatred, revenge, and self-centeredness do not grow. But those who “love one another” (I John 3:23) as God commanded heal and grow. Love connects the disconnected, softens the hardened heart, and mends the broken soul.

by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend

How does this relate to recovery? It’s hard for someone in recovery to hear what God is saying to them if they do not take the time to listen to Him. As a result, they won’t experience a deep relationship with the Lord. By closing their ears, they are losing an opportunity for God to speak truth, hope, and peace into their lives.

This is why taking the time to go through Life Recovery Step Eleven is so important. Step Eleven says, “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.”

Step Eleven is an important spiritual step that should not be walked through too quickly because it takes ongoing, daily work. Though not always taught or practiced, this step consists of two equally important parts: prayer and meditation. Prayer is talking to God; meditating is listening to Him. While talking to God may come easy for some, meditating may pose a challenge for others.

What does it take to develop a closer, more intimate relationship with the Lord while in recovery? Start by spending time with the Lord daily by praying, reading, and meditating on His Word. For a recovery Bible that goes through the 12 Steps, use The Life Recovery Bible.

Don’t forget, however, that there’s more to reading the Bible than just opening it up for a couple of minutes each morning to check off a box. It takes discipline to make the time to meditate on God’s Word, pray over it, and reflect on it throughout the day. By talking to the Lord and listening carefully to Him every day, having “conscious contact with God” will be much easier.

A Bible verse that accompanies Step Eleven is Colossians 4:2 (NLT) which says, “Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.”
Let that verse sink in for a moment. Having a “thankful heart,” as Colossians 4:2 mentions, means having an attitude of gratitude. For example, if someone has struggled with addiction for years, it’s easy for them to look back to the past and feel regretful or angry toward themselves or others that they blame. Rather than meditating on feelings of anger or regret, replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts of thanksgiving and gratitude.

Remember, God tends to speak with a still, small voice; He very rarely shouts at His children. Meditation is an integral aspect of prayer. It teaches one to develop a patient heart and attentive ear—which is why prayer and meditation are crucial components of recovery.

by Steve Arterburn

Addiction always begins as an experiment. Someone starts by trying to taste life’s pleasures and find fun and excitement to escape their pain. They attempt to find fulfillment by using drugs, alcohol, overeating, shopping, porn, working excessively, or something else.

Though they find temporary relief from the pain by using what they believe they can control, the pain returns, and it’s much worse than before.A person stuck in addiction feels high temporarily—but later, they drop so low that they must use just to feel normal again.

In the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible, the phrase “chasing the wind,” is used seven times. It is a metaphor for pursuing futility. The theme of the book shows how Solomon, the author, set out to taste all of life’s pleasures. He even had the means to do so without any limit. He systematically used his addiction to alcohol, overworking, power, greed, and vast sexual exploits with numerous women to find meaning and purpose in life. But he never found meaning in these things and ended up worse off than when he started.

Solomon explains why it’s meaningless to look for purpose in the wrong places:

Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.—Ecclesiastes 2:10-11, NLT

But Solomon, thankfully, discovered he had been searching in all the wrong places and that the real purpose of life was not found in pleasure. At the end of Ecclesiastes, in chapter 12 verses 13-14, he writes, “Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.”

Addiction typically is about escapism, avoiding reality, and denying there is a problem. When an addict enters treatment to overcome their addiction, they must see reality as it is. This can be very difficult. For help, contact New Life Ministries by calling 800-NEW-LIFE or clicking here.

Like Solomon, the world is full of people chasing after the wind but going nowhere fast. Anyone who runs after fulfillment in pleasure will miss the opportunity to discover their true purpose and contentment until they stop running from their pain and turn to face it.

Adapted from The Life Recovery Devotional.

When recovery is going well, it’s easy to assume that the worst is over and that it’s time to celebrate by taking a day off. But not so fast! Should someone who is recovering from addiction take the day off? No! Sobriety doesn’t take a day off—nor does it get a vacation day. Recovery is a lifelong process that takes daily work. Life Recovery Step Ten says, “We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.”

So, if a person in recovery is not careful and refuses or neglects to take an ongoing inventory as Life Recovery Step Ten requires them, they could relapse.1 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT) says, “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.” Part of a daily routine can include prayerfully taking a personal inventory. In a journal, such as the New Life Journal, write down one good thing that happened that day and one thing that needs improvement. Then, share these from time to time with a Life Recovery Group.

One example of taking an ongoing personal inventory in the Bible happened when the Jewish exiles returned to Jerusalem after captivity in Babylon. These exiles had lost touch with God because no one had taught them about God. But after rebuilding the city walls of Jerusalem and the temple, Nehemiah, the Jewish Governor in Babylon, had the priests gather the people and read the Book of the Law. When the people realized their lives didn’t measure up, they started sobbing.

Then, the priests and Nehemiah said:

Don’t mourn or weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the LORD your God…Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared . . . for the joy of the LORD is your strength!—Nehemiah 8:9-10

That day marked the beginning of Sukkot, the Festival of Tabernacles, a Jewish feast in the fall that celebrated their escape from bondage in Egypt and God’s care for them while they wandered in the wilderness. But on this sacred day, the exiles had work to do—admit their shortcomings to God and reconnect with Him.

It’s never too late for someone with a weakness for addiction to discover the joy of the Lord to give them strength.

by Steve Arterburn

1. Agree with God that there’s a problem from the past, and confess it.
   No one can overcome an issue until they acknowledge it. There’s a reason for every feeling—anger, joy, or bitterness. God’s word for “agree” is the word “confess.” To confess something means to agree that it is true. When it comes to baggage that is bothering an individual, they must recognize that things have gone wrong – either done to them or done by them – and agree with God or “confess,” that they have happened and affected them deeply.
2. Heal and grieve.
   The next step is to receive the care and healing needed to deal with the root cause of the wound. A brokenhearted person must allow others to give them God’s care and love to help mend their broken heart. To heal past losses and hurts, one must grieve. Ecclesiastes 7:3 says, “Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.”
3. Accept forgiveness.
   Often, the pain that a person drags into the present is the pain of failure from the past. If one feels guilty or ashamed of things they have done, they cannot tackle life with gusto. For an individual to leave their baggage behind, they must know they are accepted, forgiven, and loved. That kind of forgiveness and love is the kind of love that God has. Ask Him for this love, and receive it.
4. Forgive others.
   Resentment and unforgiveness tie an individual to the offenses that initially caused those feelings. God has provided a way for someone to be free of past debts through forgiveness. To the degree that a person embraces God’s forgiveness, they can forgive others.Reconciliation, however, depends on whether the perpetrator has seen the error of their ways and repents. To forgive does not mean that the victim denies that someone has hurt them. Nor does it mean they have to trust or allow them into their heart again. Forgiveness is not about the future—it’s about letting go of what happened in the past. Also, it’s about acknowledging the things done to harm them, and the past debts owed.
5. Examine unhealthy patterns.
   A significant part of the baggage of the past has to do with patterns of behavior learned from hurtful situations. The list of self-defeating patterns that one can develop may seem insurmountable. But when unhealthy ways of coping with the past are conquered and healthier habits are implemented, it will transform the present.
6. Find a new identity.
   Another baggage people carry is having a poor view of themselves that they’ve learned in past relationships or situations. However, a healthy identity is found only in a relationship with Christ and safe people who will accept them for who they are.

For help dealing with the past, attend a New Life Workshop. Find out more by calling 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend

One Bible story that teaches it’s never too late to make amends is the story of David and Jonathan—one of the most outstanding examples of friendship in history.

David and Jonathan were the best of friends despite the worst of circumstances. Saul, Jonathan’s father, was one of the most demanding challenges facing them. He ruthlessly hunted David and tried to kill him for years.Yet, Jonathan’s love for David was strong and didn’t diminish. So, Jonathan told him “Don’t ever withdraw your kindness from my household” (1 Samuel 20:14, CSB). As a result, David agreed and promised to show kindness to Jonathan’s family—including his descendants.

But David did not follow through as he had promised. And Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s only living son, lived for a long time with the pain of David not keeping his commitment. David sought Mephibosheth out and told him, “I intend to show kindness to you because of my promise to your father, Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will eat here with me at the king’s table!”—2 Samuel 9:7, NLT

David finally followed through on his promise by giving Mephibosheth all the land Saul once owned and letting him eat at his table; therefore, he made amends by finally fulfilling his promise.

How does one make amends as David did?

Start by going through the Life Recovery Step Nine which says, “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

First, go down a list of individuals you need to make amends with (See Step Eight) and decide the best way to approach each person. Some people on the list may require a face-to-face meeting, while other situations may be handled by changing one’s behavior. Keep in mind, though, that there may be some people who are not safe and shouldn’t be contacted; also, there may be others who, for whatever reason, are unable to be contacted.

Second, try to repair the damage done. One must have the courage to approach each person with gentleness, humility, and understanding. Ask God for the courage to do this, and He will give it. Take responsibility for any wrongdoings during the conversation or in a letter. Ask for forgiveness. And offer to make amends or ask them how they would like amends to be made. For help, meet with a counselor in the New Life Counselor Network.

To get out from under the shadow of yesterday’s mistakes, go through Step Nine. It will complete the forgiveness process that started in Step Four and fulfill the requirement in Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT), which says, “If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar and…someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

by Steve Arterburn

1. Know your limitations.
   Recognize that everyone has a different emotional capacity to hold others’ pain and trauma. Each person must be aware of their unique threshold and know how it fluctuates depending on what is going on in their personal life.

   Here are a few of the symptoms:

   • Emotional, mental, or physical exhaustion
   • Loss of hope
   • Anger toward perpetrators or causal events
   • Depression
   • PTSD
2. Pull back when feeling overwhelmed.
   When an individual begins to feel overwhelmed, they often “buckle down” and try harder. But it is far better to pull back when feeling overburdened and do some self-care.
3. Seek help when struggling.
   Don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed. Some individuals can help those who are hurting, but they should never do this at the neglect of their own needs. Therefore, it’s essential to have a safe support system in place—like a Life Recovery Group, counselor, or coach—to turn to when a crisis arises or if a word of encouragement is needed. Some ways to alleviate compassion fatigue include:
   • Talking to someone
   • Taking time off
   • Getting enough sleep
   • Exercising and eating properly
   • Scheduling activities that bring joy
4. Honestly evaluate motives.
   If someone always tends to take on others’ troubles or do for others what they can do for themselves, this may be a sign that they are struggling with codependency. The roots of codependency, no doubt, perhaps go back to childhood because it was a survival mechanism used in their family of origin. But as an adult, it’s possible to break free from these deeply rooted patterns. Seeing a licensed counselor will help.
5. Just say no.
   When an individual has reached their emotional capacity, they should not be afraid to say no. Everyone gets overwhelmed at times, especially when trying to help others. Even Jesus experienced fatigue. But He also took time to rest and urged His disciples to “Go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile (Mark 6:31, NLT). Telling others no, as well as taking time to relax and recharge, is often the best thing to do.

by Dr. Sheri Keffer and Chris Williams

In Life Recovery Step 8, it says, “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Unfortunately, individuals stuck in addiction try to do damage control by trying to hide their addiction and not making amends to those they’ve hurt. Full of shame and self-condemnation, they avoid making amends at all costs because they think it’ll spare themselves—and those they love—from more hurt.

Here are four core shame-filled beliefs that keep a person stuck:

1. 1. “I am a bad and worthless person.”
   2. “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me.”
   3. “My addiction is my greatest need.”
   4. “Only I can meet my needs.”

   Lies like these are shame-driven, but they lose their power when one experiences redemptive relationships.

   One of the best examples of a redemptive relationship is that of David and Nathan. David would’ve kept covering up his sins instead of making amends. He was not only guilty of committing adultery, but he also killed Bathsheba’s husband to keep it a secret. In the end, shame nearly killed him even after he got away with murder. In Psalm 32:3, he wrote, “When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.”

   If it had not been for Nathan, the prophet, who confronted him, David may never have confessed his sin and made amends to those he had hurt. By making amends, David experienced much-needed relief from the shame he had experienced. Psalm 32:5 says: “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”

   Like David, who needed the confrontation of Nathan to spur him on to make amends, anyone in recovery needs a counselor or coach and a group—such as a Life Recovery Group—to help. Accountability can help an individual write a list of everyone they’ve harmed. As fellow strugglers work to write down their list, reveal their pain, and encourage one another, divine unconditional love begins to sink in.

   Being in a redemptive relationship helps an individual be brutally honest; it will give them a willingness to make amends to those they’ve hurt. Being willing to make amends is scary when an individual has lived a lie, but it is the only path by which one can reconcile with God and others.

   by Edward J. Grant

When someone is stuck in addiction, they think they know what is best. But remarkably, God frequently intervenes, humbles them, and shows them that He knows what is best.

Life Recovery Step Six requires one to be “ready to have God remove these defects of character.” So, Step Seven is even more challenging because it involves taking action; it says, “We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.” Without a doubt, Step Seven is hard—it takes relinquishing pride.

In Step Seven, one must ask God to remove the shortcomings they’ve identified and accepted in the previous steps. Any defects removed must be replaced with humility—this step involves a commitment to honesty.

If anyone had a problem with honesty, it was King Nebuchadnezzar in the Bible. He had a severe problem with pride that cost him his sanity—he needed to learn a lesson in humility. His mental illness caused him to roam the pastures outside the palace and chew grass like a cow for seven years. Talk about an extreme act of mercy!

After paying the price for his pride, the once self-sufficient and self-centered king said, “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything He does is right and all His ways are just. And those who walk in pride He is able to humble” (Daniel 4:37 NIV).

In this confession, three things are vital to point out, the words: “everything,” and “all,” and the phrase “His ways.” These words speak to the king’s new understanding of God’s control and the choice He gives everyone struggling with an addiction to make: Do I go God’s way or my way?

To do things God’s way, an addict must admit they have a problem with a chemical, porn, food, gambling, shopping, codependency, hoarding, or another addiction. Is it difficult? Yes. It’s hard because many individuals have been turning to faulty patterns and self-medicating habits to cope. But in Step Seven, they must strip away their denial, self-centeredness, pride, ego, and other defects to move forward. To learn more about how to move forward, attend a Life Recovery Group.

God sees, hears, and answers anyone who approaches Him humbly. Always. Here’s a promise to cling to:

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. – 1 John 5:14-15 NLT

by Steve Arterburn

“A physical wound must be cleaned and medicated rather than ignored.

Many children are taught to stuff their emotions down. They’re often told to stop crying. And if they do reveal their feelings, anger is the emotion that surfaces, usually in the form of a big tantrum. This might’ve worked as a child—it doesn’t work as an adult. Yet, some adults still haven’t learned to deal with the wounds causing their outbursts.

If someone doesn’t repair the damage done to them, they repeat it. For example, parenting will trigger unprocessed emotions from childhood. Just ask any parent! Adulting, many times, displays the unhealed wounds of the past, even if someone isn’t a parent. Recognizing there is healing to be done is the first step to a better life. Reactive emotions are a good indicator that something needs processed and healed so that it isn’t controlling the present.

One of the best examples in the Bible of this is the story of David reacting to Nabal in 1 Samuel 25. While running from Saul, David crossed paths with Nabal, a wealthy landowner. It was common for a landowner to help the men who guarded his property. So Nabal should not have been surprised by David’s request for help (vs. 4-9).

But Nabal, whose name means “fool,” insulted David when he said, “Who does this son of Jesse think he is?” (v. 10, NLT). After hearing Nabal’s put-downs and insults, David reacted out of anger by preparing 400 of his men to attack Nabal (vs. 12-13). Thankfully, Nabal’s wife, Abigail, intervened by sending supplies (vs. 18–19).

Why did David react so abruptly? It wasn’t the first time he had been hurt. When David was a young man, he was not even invited to the consecration by Samuel—an event that David’s father and all his brothers attended. It was not until Samuel asked for David that he was anointed as the next king (1 Sam. 16:1-13). Undoubtedly, David reacted so strongly to Nabal because it brought up past, unhealed wounds.

Like David, many people bury wounds such as feelings of:

• worthlessness
• failure
• rejection
• disappointment

When children react to their pain, it is obvious. As adults, pain usually gets stuffed or numbed by various substitutes for healing like alcohol, drugs, porn, or several other things. The pain can no longer be ignored. No matter how long these wounds have been buried, they’ll come out eventually in the form of anger, rage, or another emotion. It may be obvious to others; yet, unless there is an effort to heal the wounds of the past, they will continue to impact the present and future in ways that may become worse than the initial wound.

Seeing a New Life Counselor Network licensed therapist will help get to the root of the pain and begin to repair the damage done so it will not be repeated. Don’t let the past determine the present. Experience a new life!

1. Accept the past.
Because every person is an imperfect human being who lacks perfect control over their thoughts, they may allow themselves to become stuck in the past—even though they know better. But the sooner they face reality, the sooner they will be able to move on.

2. Let go of the pain.
Sadly, many people can’t let go of the pain from the past. So, they dig it up again and again with predictably unfortunate consequences. A better way is to meet with a licensed counselor and talk to them about the pain from the past. By discovering the root of the pain, it’s possible to begin the process of healing.

3. Forgive others.
For many, making peace with the past is difficult indeed. Why? Part of the problem has to do with forgiveness. When a person finds themselves focusing too intently on the past, it’s a sure sign that they need to focus, instead, on a more urgent need: the need to forgive those who’ve hurt them.

4. Learn from yesterday.
If someone has endured a difficult past, they must learn from it—not live in it. No amount of anger or bitterness can change what happened. Tears, regrets, and worries won’t change yesterday, either. Instead, ask questions such as “What can I learn from the past?” “What part did I play?” “How can I grow from what I went through?”

5. Treasure today.
One of the biggest problems of living in the past is that it keeps a person from experiencing joy in the present. Go to a New Life Intensive Workshop and learn how to get rid of any anger, bitterness, and resentment. Then, look for—and be grateful for—God to bring blessings every day.

6. Trust God with tomorrow.
A child of God is no longer bound to their past or who they were; they are a brand-new creature in Christ Jesus. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) says, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

For help to move past life’s roadblocks, please know New Life has many resources! Call 800-NEW-LIFE to find a licensed counselor or a Life Recovery Group.

by Steve Arterburn

“We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.”

If someone is stuck in addiction and wants to be free finally, what’s the one thing that God requires from them? Humility.

Oswald Chambers, the early twentieth-century preacher and theologian described humility as “the great characteristic of a saint.”

But many people who struggle with unhealthy habits have a hard time with humility. They believe they must do everything perfectly to recover from addiction and stay sober. But this type of perfectionistic thinking can be overwhelming—it makes individuals think they must do everything themselves and do it perfectly, or they will quit altogether. Instead of doing recovery perfectly all by oneself, Step Six requires humility because one must be “ready to have God remove these defects of character.”

There are two ways a person can become humble enough to be ready for God to remove their defects.

First, one becomes humble by surrendering to God. For an individual to be ready to have God “remove the defects of character” from their life, as Life Recovery Step Six says, they must be willing to humble themselves to God and give everything over to Him. James 4:10 (New Living Translation, NLT) says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” Through humility, one can submit to the Lord and surrender to Him. Then, God will do His part by removing their shortcomings and struggles to mold them into the person He designed them.

Second, one becomes humble by seeking accountability with safe people. Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” A person struggling with addiction must be in healthy relationships with individuals who support their healing and growth. Some simple ways to do this are to attend a Life Recovery Group weekly, meet with a Christian counselor, and find at least one safe person to be a sponsor or accountability partner.

Living a life of humility doesn’t mean an individual won’t struggle with temptation from time to time. But if they do find themselves relapsing, they can humble themselves and turn back to God to get back on track.

Sobriety happens moment by moment, step by step, and one day at a time. Humility doesn’t automatically take away the urge to turn to an unhealthy habit or addiction, but it enables a person in recovery to submit to God no matter their circumstances. While being accountable to others doesn’t guarantee sobriety tomorrow, it provides enough strength so that the person struggling with an addiction can be sober today.

by Steve Arterburn

But there is a tool called a thought record that can reduce anxiety. A thought record can help people identify automatic negative thoughts and check to see if their thinking falls into one of the many distortions that increase stress, such as catastrophizing. How it works is that a person will write down an alternative balanced thought which states the truth.

For example, let’s say a person thinks that if they try to go to a Life Recovery Group to connect with others, it will be terrible. This would be an example of catastrophizing because they’ve already determined how something will be a disaster beforehand.

Instead of catastrophizing, a balanced thought would be: “When I’ve tried to go to a group in the past, sometimes it hasn’t gone so well. But this time, I will go to at least three meetings and try to connect with at least one person there.”

The value in making sure one’s thinking is balanced is immeasurable because a person’s thinking patterns strongly affect their feelings and actions.

How can one construct a thought record? They can create their thought record by taking a sheet of paper and dividing it into four columns:

1. In the first column, write the automatic negative thought.
2. In the second column, write the evidence supporting the automatic negative thought.
3. In the third column, write the evidence that does not support the automatic negative thought.
4. In the fourth column, write a balanced thought to replace it with.

The goal of keeping a thought record is to learn to adjust one’s thinking into a closer alignment with the truth automatically.

Writing and examining anxious thoughts can be very helpful. Often, when someone has anxious thoughts just whirling around in their head, rather than turning to an addictive habit or substance to soothe them, it helps tremendously to get anxious thoughts down on paper.

Finally, as John 8:32 (NKJ) says, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”

by Dottie Pickett

Addictions and unhealthy patterns hold a person back from living a life of freedom that God designed for them to live. But when they see how their actions have hurt others and tell those whom they’ve hurt that they’re sorry, their life will transform for the better. And going through Life Recovery Step Five is the key to a person in recovery experiencing the relief their soul craves.

What is Life Recovery Step Five? Life Recovery Step Five states, “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Because sin likes to hide in the darkness and silence, confession brings sin into the light so that it has no more power. James, the half-brother of Jesus and a leader in the early church, knew this. In the book of James, he encourages confessing sins to one another—not just confessing shortcomings silently to God. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

But after a lifetime of keeping secrets in the dark, living in a prison of addiction, and being isolated, confession is often the last thing an addict would want to do. So, how should an addict begin to implement confession into their life?

First, an addict must confess any past offenses against God and others. Because unconfessed sin erects barriers in a vertical relationship with God and a horizontal relationship with others, confession and forgiveness break down those walls and allow God’s love and power to flow freely in a relationship.
Second, an addict must confess any ongoing struggles. Although a person is forgiven once and for all by the grace that comes through faith in Jesus Christ, confessing daily trials and temptations to others can provide the support, accountability, assurance, and perspective to move forward in their healing. When someone is honest with themselves and opens their heart to a trusted friend, pastor, or licensed counselor, it can be a step toward experiencing the freedom of forgiveness.

After someone confesses their sins to God and another person, sin has no more control over them. Christ removes them from the prison of sin that they once lived in. And they are on their way to living a life free from addiction. For help to find a support system or to learn more about confession to receive healing, attend a Life Recovery Group online or in person. And begin the journey toward growth and healing in a safe community.

Tired of living in the prison of addiction? Confession is the key. It brings power to the powerless. Hope to the hopeless. And freedom to those in bondage.

– Steve Arterburn

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

What’s one of the hardest words in the Bible to hear? Forgiveness.

It’s painful for most people because it involves releasing someone who has hurt them. However, when someone holds onto their hurts, it is a burden that becomes very heavy. But when people learn to forgive themselves and others, it lightens their load.

Jesus came to provide a way to receive forgiveness for sins. One can be free from the weight of their regrets and mistakes, and yet, they can still struggle with the idea of extending that same release to others. They either want justice or revenge. And the offender should understand the pain they caused those they’ve hurt.

The word forgive is thrown around as if it is cheap and easy. What Jesus did on the cross to allow forgiveness to happen was not easy. He suffered greatly. But He made the hard choice and wants every person to do the same. Notice, forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If someone waits until they feel like forgiving, it will never happen—and they will be carrying the burden forever.

Many people erroneously believe that forgiveness is a one-time action that “lets perpetrators off the hook.” Forgiveness, though, is a process that starts with identifying the wound. If a person is not aware of what is hurting them, it is tough to seek healing for it.

Next, a person needs to confess anything that has become a sin concerning the memory of the experience. Bitterness, anger, revenge, and selfishness must be acknowledged when disclosing. Forgiveness is not for the offender—it’s for the victim. If a person is wounded but confesses their sin first, they are making space for the Holy Spirit to fill them and heal their hurt.

Finally, a follower of Christ has the Holy Spirit living inside them. He sings over those whom He has redeemed (see Zephaniah 3:17). And they are sealed with the Holy Spirit. They can ask the Holy Spirit to make them the person God designed them to be from the beginning. They are a treasure and bring glory, honor, and pleasure to God when they forgive others.

A lack of forgiveness hurts a lot of people. It removes the person who refused to forgive from relationships with others, themselves, and God. Choosing to forgive those who have wronged them allows God to be bigger than the hurt. He wants to bring each person healing and freedom. More than that, He wants them back in a relationship with Him. Learn to forgive through the help of counselor in the New Life Counselor Network.

Never forget that forgiveness removes burdens from one’s back, gives them over to God, and lighten their load.

When someone does a personal inventory, there’s an enormous amount of pain involved. Why? Because it’s painful for a person to come to terms with how they’ve harmed themselves and others. So, out of all the 12 Steps, Step Four is often one of the most challenging steps.

Life Recovery Step Four says, “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

It won’t be easy as a person takes stock of their life. Making a moral inventory involves writing down all the things they have done that have hurt themselves or others. These things may bother them—and they want to forget them. Thinking about the past and writing it down might be the last things someone wants to do.

But, after examining and repenting from the past through the help of a licensed counselor and a Life Recovery Group, one can find joy.

One of the best examples of this in the Bible is when the Jewish exiles returned to Jerusalem after the Babylonian Captivity. After rebuilding the city walls and the temple, the priests gathered the people to read the Book of the Law. Not surprisingly, they had lost touch with God. And they didn’t know His laws—so naturally, they hadn’t practiced them either. Then, the people were so overwhelmed with grief that they began sobbing because they did not measure up.

The priests said, “Don’t mourn or weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the LORD your God…Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared . . . for the joy of the LORD is your strength!” (Nehemiah 8:9-10, NLT).

That day marked the beginning of Sukkot, also known as the Festival of Tabernacles, a required Jewish feast that celebrated their escape from bondage in Egypt and God’s care for them while they wandered in the wilderness. But after they assessed where they were at in their relationship with God, they could reconnect with Him and grow in relationship with Him.

Like the Jews who returned to Jerusalem out of captivity, someone who makes a moral inventory will receive the “joy of the Lord” to give them strength. This joy comes from recognizing and celebrating God’s ability to bring them out of bondage and care for them as they pass through the sadness toward a new way of life.

One must lay down their sadness and face the things that have hurt their heart and others. When they do, they’ll find strength—the joy in the Lord always helps to face the sadness.

by Steve Arterburn

For the person who holds onto unforgiveness, the one they’re hurting the most is themselves. One must learn to let go and erase that ledger of debt; then, and only then, will they be released from the pain that has held them captive all these years.

Jesus told a story to address this situation:

A king wanted to make his accounts current. So, one of his debtors, who owed him a million dollars, was brought before him. When the man begged for forgiveness, the king felt pity for him. And he released him and forgave his debt.

After the man left the king, he went to someone who owed him a few thousand dollars. Then, he grabbed him by the throat and demanded payment. The king found out what had happened. And the king called in the man, whom he had forgiven, and said, “You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’“(Matthew 18:22-23)

If someone holds resentment against their offender, they must be willing to surrender it and let it go. When a person looks at the price Jesus paid for them, they should feel compelled to forgive others. Forgiveness will free the victim from the torture of festering resentment.

Writing off the debt that someone owes is only possible when the victim admits their struggle to God, themselves, and another person.

Life Recovery Step Five says, “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Don’t know a safe human being? Find someone like a licensed Christian counselor, Life Recovery Group leader, or accountability partner. Next, explain to them what the offender did, talk about any painful emotions, and then begin the process of forgiving. A person can work through forgiveness by writing a letter to the person who offended them. It is unnecessary to send the letter—especially if it isn’t safe. But by writing out difficult emotions on paper, healing can begin.

No one can change what others have done to hurt them, but they can write off their debts by handing the accounting process over to God.

by Steve Arterburn

Regardless of how challenging someone’s circumstances may seem right now—whether it’s addiction, hung up on an unhealthy habit, or pain from the past—it’s never too late to turn to God.

In Life Recovery Step Three, it says, “We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.”

How? A person stuck in addiction lives life on their terms and for themselves. But when they decide to turn their will and life over to God, they will begin to find freedom from addiction. So instead of using willpower alone to overcome their struggles, they can use God’s power.

Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, said it best “Our whole problem had been the misuse of our willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into alignment with God’s intention for us.”

Instead of being determined to follow their own selfish way, people must give up the freedom to do as they please and surrender to God’s selfless way as outlined in the Bible. One must stop obeying self and decide to start obeying God. Being in redemptive relationships is the key; a Life Recovery Group is a good place to find community.

One man with a dubious past sacrificed his self-will and dared to surrender to God’s will for his future. Here is his story: Two men, both criminals, were taken by the Romans alongside Jesus for execution. When they got to the place known as The Skulls, they hung both criminals on crosses: One on Jesus’ right, the other on his left. One of the criminals hanging alongside Jesus mocked Him by saying: “So you’re the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself—and us, too, while you’re at it” (Luke 23:39, NLT).

But the other spoke up for Jesus, saying: “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom” (v. 40-42).

“And Jesus replied, ‘I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise’” (v. 43).

The eternal life that awaits the person who turns their life over to God far surpasses any suffering they experience in this life.

by Steve Arterburn

Why is this? It all comes down to a basic orientation in how one views themselves and others. In other words, since Adam, people have been looking out for number one, which is the surest way to destroy a relationship. People tend to think of themselves first instead of the relationship itself. They are trying to get what they want instead of seeing the needs of others. And because of this self-orientation, they destroy all chances of getting what they want and need, which is love.

Most people think of selfish people as being difficult. But self-centeredness comes closer to the accurate description of a truly selfish person. What it means is that someone views life primarily in terms of themselves.

There is a quote that says, “To interpret any event only in terms of how it affects oneself is to live on the doorstep of Hell.” How true that is!

When one is self-centered, it often guarantees the failure of love. For love is an attachment between two people, and the self-centered person denies the reality of the other. This person sees others as extensions of himself—they exist to make him happy, serve his needs, and regulate his feelings or drives in life. And when they fail to do that by having an existence of their own, he has an adverse reaction, such as anger, withdrawal of love, controlling behavior, or rejection.

This orientation to another person being more of an object for self-gratification than a person makes a genuine attachment impossible. Love requires two people—not one person and an object. To look at every event only in terms of how it affects oneself involves never adapting to the wishes or needs of someone else or sacrificing something for the sake of someone else.

Love is not an easy thing to accomplish in this life. It is complicated because people try to please themselves instead of achieving love; as a result, they lose the love they wanted in the first place. Never forget this: love doesn’t just happen—it takes work. Every person must do the work to avoid the love killer of being self-centered. And never forget the commandment to “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other” (John 13:34). Anyone struggling to figure out love with their spouse, or soon-to-be spouse, can attend New Life’s Intimacy in Marriage Intensive Workshop.

Dr. Henry Cloud

This same power that brought Jesus out from the grave is the same power that a person stuck in addiction can plug into and bring them to—and help them maintain—sobriety.

If the lamp is not plugged into an outlet, a lightbulb is of little value. Likewise, a person’s life will not shine to their family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors if not connected to God’s power source. It takes work, but the results are well worth it.

One way to plug into God’s power source is to connect to Him by talking to Him daily. This happens through a daily quiet time of prayer. But for the individual in recovery who has gotten away from this habit, it will be only a matter of time before they are tempted to use—which is always crouching around the corner—and fall prey to relapse.

If someone is in recovery, what should they pray for? Sobriety. God will hear an addict’s earnest prayers, and He will be faithful to answer them. Here’s a tip: Pray specifically and passionately. Don’t pray about tomorrow or next week.

Take. It. One. Day. At. A. Time.

So, the person addicted to anything should pray that God will give them the strength to be sober today. Not tomorrow, not next week—today. If a person struggling with their sobriety prays specifically and passionately about their recovery, God will honor those prayers and begin the healing process.

Meditate on what Philippians 2:13 says, “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”

Another way to plug into God’s power source is by being in His Word. Whether using a devotional book or just reading a passage in The Life Recovery Bible and thinking about it, always pick out one truth or Bible verse to meditate on throughout the day. Prayer is talking to God; reading the Bible is listening to Him.

It’s incredible how relevant that truth becomes as situations come up. Then again, the same God who raised His Son from the dead and gave Him power is the same God who is vitally interested in a person’s pursuit of recovery and will give them power.

God loves anyone stuck in addiction, but He longs for them to succeed in sobriety.

by Dave Boyle

So, where does someone start? The best place to start is by taking the first step. Life Recovery Step One says: “We admitted that we were powerless over our problems and that our lives had become unmanageable.” If someone wants to change their life, they must admit to themselves, God, and another person that they are powerless and that their lives have become unmanageable. To download all the 12 Steps, click here.

When individuals refuse to admit they are powerless, they’re only deceiving themselves. Yet, all the while, they are inching closer to disaster. The lies they tell themselves—and others—are all too familiar:

• “Everything is under control.”
• “I don’t have a problem.”
• “Everybody else is doing it.”

One person in the Bible who couldn’t admit they were powerless until too late was Samson, one of Israel’s judges. As a child, his parents dedicated him to God. He had gifted Samson with supernatural strength; however, Samson had a lifelong weakness—his toxic relationships. Samson did not see the dangers he faced in his toxic relationship with Delilah. His enemies were paying her to discover the secret of his strength. Three times she begged Samson to tell her his secret. Each time she set him up and tried to hand him over to the enemy. Samson lied to her three and was able to escape. But each time, he got closer to telling her the truth. Eventually, Samson revealed his secret. Then, they took him captive.

His real problem was lying to himself—by refusing to admit he was powerless, Samson remained blind to the apparent danger that his pride and unhealthy relationships with the opposite sex were leading him into. And this caused him to inch his way toward a sudden death gradually.

One must learn a lesson from Samson and not fall into a similar trap. Isaiah 40:29 says: “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” When someone acknowledges they are powerless, they will become more aware of behaviors that will lead them to destruction. For help with any unhealthy habits or behaviors, find a Life Recovery Group online or in person.

Anyone whose life has become unmanageable can admit that they are powerless. When they do, God will empower them with the strength to overcome their struggles.

Adapted from The Life Recovery Devotional by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop

1. Develop a new way of eating.
   Stuck in yo-yo dieting? Decide to stop dieting. Instead, eat real foods in moderation. And put an end to eating processed foods. There’s nothing wrong with indulging occasionally. But if an individual can’t stop eating unhealthy foods or consistently overeats, they’re in bondage. Make it a goal not to be mastered by anything this year.
2. Develop a new way of moving.
   One of the best ways a person can honor their Creator is by taking care of their body. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, “You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” Start by walking each day. Exercising releases endorphins—these feel-good chemicals go far to improve a person’s mental and physical health. Keeping the body in shape gives one more energy to serve the Lord with joy.
3. Develop a new way of connecting with others.
   With technology, the world has never been more connected; yet people feel more disconnected than ever before. If someone wants to change their life, they must have a dedicated support system. Accountability will make a person stronger. A person can only do so much alone—there is strength in numbers.
4. Develop a new way of repairing.
   The weight someone carries on the outside may reflect the weight they carry on the inside. Therefore, someone must repair their life by addressing their inward struggles—like grief or disappointments. Live free by getting to the root of these issues and finding healthier ways to cope. Log all food eaten every day and include any feelings and emotions associated with it, making it easier to notice unhealthy patterns.
5. Develop a new way of getting support.
   If someone strives to live a healthy lifestyle, it’s essential to find accountability. Research shows that anyone who joins a support group like a Life Recovery Group or sees a counselor regularly will be more successful at losing weight.
6. Develop a new way of experiencing solitude.
   If a person wants to live free, they’ll need to practice times of solitude. Most people use their free time to binge on their favorite television shows or comfort foods. But Christ gives the best example to follow—He went to secluded places to pray. Spend time alone each day to pray, meditate on His Word, and simply enjoy His presence over food.
7. Develop a new way of living in gratitude.
   Feeling and expressing appreciation is one of the best ways to improve mental health. Most unhappy individuals are prone to focus on what they don’t have; however, a grateful person tends to be happier because they focus on what they do have. To live a life of gratitude, write in a gratitude journal every day.
8. Develop a new way of delaying gratification.
   Standing in front of the refrigerator at midnight and eating a carton of ice cream is tempting. But delaying gratification and healing emotional pain will lead to weight loss for life. Whenever tempted, HALT and ask a few questions such as:
   H- “Am I really hungry?”
   A- “Am I angry?”
   L- “Am I lonely?”
   T- “Am I Tired?”

Need help with losing weight and living free? If so, consider getting a copy of Lose it for Life to use alone or as a group study in a Life Recovery Group.

1. Be sensitive.
   The one who is confessing should not overburden the listener. People suffering are self-absorbed; their pain keeps their attention focused on themselves, their problems, and their needs. They have difficulty thinking about anything else. But pain is not a license to inflict hurt on anyone else—especially someone who wants to help. Someone who agrees to help lead in recovery should have lives of their own, and the person who is confessing should not feel entitled to dump their troubles on them every time they feel the need.
2. Be discreet.
   Use care in deciding what is appropriate to talk about and what is not. Avoid explicit sexual details, endless recital of someone’s faults, and repetition of the same frustrating events. These are unnecessary for the listener to hear. Instead, use self-censoring to be considerate of the feelings of the person listening.
3. Be honest.
   Don’t confess someone else’s sin. When a person reveals another person’s secrets, this tactic allows them to play the innocent victim that doesn’t need to change. If they insist on being the victim, their confession will always be shallow. At best, their spiritual progress will be slow.
4. Set reasonable expectations.
   Don’t expect the listener to do more than they can. If the listener is not a trained counselor, he or she
   cannot be expected to be a therapist. And even if they are a therapist, that does not make them a miracle worker. Have realistic expectations—this means that a listener is unable to fix the problems or situations. Besides, listeners who take on the responsibility to solve another person’s problems will become emotionally drained.
5. Don’t stifle emotions.
   Many people have difficulty expressing their feelings. So, they work hard to keep their feelings away. No one should withhold emotions just because they don’t feel like expressing them. Feelings are part of someone’s story. A person should never let the desire to appear strong keep them from being honest.
6. Maintain healthy independence.
   Some individuals are born rescuers. But if they rescue out of a need to be in control or feel important, they are likely to become too important to the person they are trying to help. If someone gets too attached, create distance so that the relationship can remain positive and mutually rewarding.

Want to learn more about healthy confession? Find a counselor, resources, and get connected to a Life Recovery Group by calling 800-NEW-LIFE.

Adapted from the book Seven Keys to Spiritual Renewal, by Stephen Arterburn and Dr. David Stoop.

Begin by letting go of any unrealistic expectations. For example, it is unrealistic to think, “It would be wonderful to spend two weeks with my ex-spouse, kids, grandkids, and our pets all in one house. What could possibly go wrong?”

Everything!

It is more realistic to set boundaries by limiting time spent together, learning to say no when necessary, and discussing plans beforehand. Communicate boundaries in a way that is firm but respectful. Have different people prepare food, organize activities, and clean up afterward—don’t let all the responsibilities fall on one person’s shoulders. Most of all, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Amid time with family, be sure to schedule a time with safe, loving, and empathetic people. Spending time with safe people is a worthwhile investment—it’s like diversifying a social and emotional portfolio. One way to connect with others is by going to a Life Recovery Group online or in person.

Time with family can bring out old, unhealthy patterns from childhood. Anyone from a toxic family where abuse or addiction thrives may unwittingly repeat the same dysfunctional role. Learning to say no during the holidays is vital.

Steve Arterburn puts it this way, “Some of us were raised saying too many yes’s and too few no’s. We learned early what to say to please people. But to honor God, we learn to say a good no.”
Not only do the holidays stir up unhealthy patterns, but they can also bring out sadness and depression. If this sounds familiar, talk to a friend or a counselor through the New Life Counselors Network.

On a night long ago in a field far away, shepherds were watching their sheep. Suddenly, an angel appeared before them, and they were afraid:

But the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!”  – Luke 2:10-11

The shepherds didn’t let fear or anything else stop them; they went to Bethlehem to see Jesus. Like the shepherds who didn’t let anything stop them, don’t let a difficult family steal the season’s joy.

by Kit Hill

Real resentment over real damage by a real person produces is what is known as justifiable resentment. It becomes such a massive part of a person’s life that it feels like a vulture sitting on top of them—a dark and dangerous presence that affects everything they do.

If the resentment were not justifiable, another person could talk them out of it. A friend could tell them things like:

• “Stop being so negative.”
• “Look at the bright side of things.”
• “Be more positive.”

But none of those things apply to someone with justifiable resentment because they have a reason to be resentful. They were a victim; it was not their fault. Anyone who knows of their terrible ordeal supports their feelings of resentment. Yet, that is the problem because no one questions their feelings. Everyone feels horrible for them, so it is easy for a victim to hang on to the resentment. Anyone would have a right to feel sorry for themselves, but someone who wants to heal can’t hold onto those painful feelings

If a person holds onto their pain, it will eat them alive. Justifiable resentment threatens to destroy their life, keeping them from living their best life possible. It will hurt their relationship with God and others. They will be firmly rooted in their past and trauma if justifiable resentment grows within them. Everything they do in life will lean up against their grudge, and it will come to define who they are and give the enemy a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT) says, “don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Although it might be tough to imagine, anyone whose life is gripped by the vulture of justifiable resentment can be freed from it. How? It is possible to let it go and experience the healing power of forgiveness. Choose to heal by walking the path of forgiveness. To know which steps to take, read Healing is a Choice.

Once someone is on this path, something incredible is going to happen in the future.

One day, they will wake up and realize that everything in their life has changed. They will sense that they are no longer rooted in their past. What used to define their life and inner thoughts is no longer relevant to how they live their life. And once the vulture of justifiable resentment that once sat atop their head is gone, they will finally be free.

Adapted from Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn

Prevent exhaustion by forming healthy habits such as getting enough sleep, learning to say no, spending time with the Lord every day, and not taking on too much. However, there are two must-haves for finding balance: boundaries and accountability.

One can only take care of themselves by setting boundaries with their time and energy. There must be enough time for priorities such as getting plenty of rest, checking in with an accountability partner or sponsor, and going to a Life Recovery Group weekly. It is important to decide that rest, self-care, spiritual health, and personal time are non-negotiable. So, if there is a crisis such as a death in the family, job loss, or divorce, self-care is still done daily.

Overeating, overworking, drinking, anger, depression, worry, and anxiety are all symptoms of burnout. It’s necessary to create good habits for exercise, nutrition, spiritual life, and personal time to prevent exhaustion.

Jesus urged His disciples to rest when He said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile” (Mark 6:31).

To prevent burnout, one must see where all their time goes. The place to start is to write down every hour throughout the day—this includes exercise, work, spiritual life, and personal time. Writing it down will show where any changes are needed. Make new habits by setting boundaries with oneself and others. Once someone determines what is required to balance their fitness, nutrition, spiritual and personal time every day, the next step is to do it!

If someone finds themselves unable to do it or doesn’t do it consistently, they need accountability. Finding a person who has the discipline and asking them to help is a great place to start. Not having the willpower doesn’t mean an individual is lazy or weak—it means they have arrived at adulthood without the tools to get the job done. Drawing help from another person’s presence and encouragement can provide the structure one needs until one can internalize it.

Establish a routine that will work for life! Find the tools, books, therapists, and accountability partners necessary to help establish daily habits. Having this concept as a framework will help set a workable pace and less apt to create burnout.

Make exercise, good nutrition, spiritual life, and personal time part of each day. But don’t forget to add boundaries and accountability—this is the perfect equation for a balanced life.

by Julie Davis

Sound familiar? Voices like these are how many people talk to themselves. It is important to note that everyone has self-talk. But sadly, most people talk to themselves negatively.
Every person talks to themselves throughout the day by planning, acting, evaluating, and judging their behavior. Because this is so much a part of a person’s life, it becomes essential that everyone monitors their self-talk just as they would their bank account.

Psychologists say that it takes seven positive comments for someone to erase one negative word. It’s also valid for how a person speaks to themselves—one negative thought such as “I’m unworthy of love,” and there will need to have seven positive self-talk statements to erase it!

Negative self-talk is a waste of time and energy, and even worse, it’s just plain wrong. But God can transform how a person thinks. Romans 12:2 (NLT) says, “let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Here are some examples of self-talk that are both true and positive:

• “I’m a work in progress. I’m not perfect, but that is ok.”
• “I may not have been on track today with my goals, but I’ll get back on track tomorrow.”
• “I have mastered other difficult challenges in my life, and I can master this.”

The best way an individual can take care of their mental health is to be gentle with themselves. It leaves no room for paralyzing guilt, self-flagellation, self-hate, or other forms of negativity. At the same time, it doesn’t mean that someone becomes passive, feels sorry for themselves, and shuns self-discipline. Indeed, a person must persist in their recovery to make themselves the person God wants them to be. Seeing a licensed counselor through the New Life Counseling Network will help.

Positive self-talk can—and should—be a part of everyone’s daily life. Exchanging negative for positive self-talk is one of the most effective ways a person can honor themselves and God who made them in His image.

by Susan Eppley

1. Decide to get help.
   Realizing that a relationship is abusive can be frightening. But deciding to reach out and get help is the first step to healing and transformation. Contact a Christian counselor and begin the process of recovery. Call 800-NEW-LIFE to find a counselor.
2. Gain understanding and insight.
   It can be confusing for an individual to be the victim of abuse when in a relationship with someone who was supposed to love them. Whether the abuser is a parent or partner, the pain is so great that it can be challenging to be in a healthy relationship. Beginning to know what a loving and healthy relationship consists of is crucial to moving forward in life. It is possible to be in a good relationship after an abusive one, but one must know the difference. Read Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend to discover new insight.
3. Forgive.
   While it may seem impossible, forgiveness is a big part of the healing journey. Letting go of the hurts and anger is a process that will lead to freedom. And grieving the losses is vital to moving forward. Dr. Dave Stoop’s book, Forgiving What You’ll Never Forget, gives detailed steps to forgive.
4. Disclose.
   Often, a victim needs to reveal their story for their healing to begin. It might mean telling the authorities, having a conversation with a family member, or sharing hurt with a loved one that is trustworthy. Secrets can make a person sick; telling their story brings healing and allows them to move on.
5. Rebuild.
   If abuse happens in childhood, a child’s foundation for life becomes unstable. They may grow up feeling unsure and insecure. The good news is that it’s possible to rebuild a solid life and experience stability and confidence when entering new, healthier relationships. Working in a Life Recovery Group can help this process. And Healing is a Choice is a helpful book to use—there’s even a group study available!
6. Move on.
   The benefit of healing from abuse is that the abuse no longer defines a victim. They become a victor—free to be the person God meant for them to be. He will strengthen them, and their life will have meaning and purpose. Colossians 1:11 (NLT) says, “We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy.”

Recovery is not a quick fix but rather the redemption of a life once filled with pain. Transformation is possible, and beginning a new life is worth it! For help, call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Becky Brown

Once in recovery, an individual must also accept anxiety and learn how to deal with it in healthy ways. If not, fear will destroy their efforts to recover completely, and they’re likely to relapse. Scripture confirms that anxiety can wreak havoc when it says, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up” (Proverbs 12:25, NIV).

Anxiety can be such a burden that it’ll cause a person to do anything to find relief. One central fear is that of the unknown. Not knowing what will happen can drive a person to control their environment and everyone in it. As a result, anxiety leads someone to try to control so much that is out of their control. They believe they can prevent bad things from happening and people from getting upset with them—no one, though, can control all their circumstances, all the time.

Therefore, a person stuck in addiction falsely thinks using food, shopping, codependency, pornography, or another crutch will improve life. They find temporary relief from the anxiety by using what they believe they can control, but later, the fear comes back. One gets even more desperate for something else to take away the anxiety they think they can handle. Perhaps they take away one habit like overeating and replace it with another such as smoking.

Learning to accept anxiety in healthy ways is an essential component of recovery. A person must renew their mind with the truth, for it is the truth that will set them free. One strategy is to learn how to recognize anxious thoughts. Be aware of all or nothing thinking, over-generalization, dwelling on the negative, magnification, minimization, and worrying about the future. A person must speak the truth by using positive self-talk to calm a fearful mind.

If anxiety is overwhelming, seek the help of a licensed counselor from the New Life Counseling Network. A counselor can help anxious individuals process their fears, develop new ways of handling life, and learn to take risks and grow.

Learn to accept anxiety, understand it, identify the anxiety-producing thoughts, and replace them with the truth. Anyone who does this can overcome anxiety and prevent a relapse.

by Chris Cole

Keeping a record of what one does when one becomes emotionally upset is an excellent way to watch progress occur, perhaps in a journal. The journey to finding new alternatives to eating might look like this: “I received an upsetting phone call from my ex. This made me feel hurt, so I went to the refrigerator and opened the door to eat.” Now, think of a new way to cope with that feeling. What could be a substitute for eating? One recommendation is calling a friend to pray. Here’s another example: “I heard someone gossip about me at church. This made me feel angry, so I stopped for fries at a fast-food restaurant.” A good alternative would be to gently confront the person who did the gossiping rather than feed the feelings.

To help choose alternatives to eating, make a list of behaviors that can substitute for eating the next time an intense emotion triggers that desire. The list should include things to do while driving, being at home, work, or on the go. Post the list on the refrigerator and use notes on the cell phone for reminders. Every time temptation to eat because of an unpleasant emotion, pull out the list and choose a new thing to do.

Maybe there’s been hurt by a cruel divorce, an abusive father, a betraying friend, or an insulting boss. Whatever the cause of the hurt, it’s time to stop using food as an emotional crutch and let the pain surface. When this occurs, it might cause an experience of intense feelings of anger or fear, but there will not be healing until the emotions are confronted.

Just let the feelings come and ask God to understand precisely where the feelings originate. Don’t try to edit the feelings and thoughts. Whatever comes to mind, grab that thought. Most likely, it is a lie that was implanted at the time of the emotional pain when first experiencing those feelings. Try to identify the lie, and once it’s discovered, ask Jesus to speak His truth. Wait and listen for His voice, whether it comes in the form of a whisper of His Spirit or a visual picture He may provide. Wait on Him and expect Him to bring truth. His truth brings release from that lie.

Excerpted from the book Lose It for Life by Steve Arterburn and Linda Mintle

To get off the road to destruction, a person must recover accountability in their lives. The Webster’s Dictionary defines accountability as: “the quality or state of being held accountable: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.” In other words, it involves a willingness to be held accountable to an expressed outcome—purity and integrity.

Accountability is when individuals struggling with addiction and dependency connect to others so they can fight against something that, at least for a moment, is more powerful than they are. Ultimately, it provides support in a battle to be fought together.

The Bible puts it this way: “If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ”—Galatians 6:1-2, NLT

Connection with others is a fundamental part of the recovery process because it’s an essential part of character growth. Whether someone likes it or not, most of life involves people, and it’s a reality that everyone must face—one that shapes and tests each person’s character.

The deep desire of every heart is to be heard, understood, known, and connected to others, not detached. And is part of God’s created design of all. And it’s true whether a person is an introvert or extrovert. Being connected is about being mutually—and emotionally—invested in another person.

The sad reality, though, is that many individuals choose to remain detached and impenetrable. Often, people that are battling addictions and dependencies struggle to feel close to others. In most cases, this lack of intimacy has influenced their behavior, cognitive patterns, and emotions. In doing so, they develop too much of a gap for others to bridge to their hearts.

God’s design is that every person develops deep connections throughout their lives because it gives them a context to grow and deal with life. To do this, one must move away from themselves as the primary reference point and toward knowing and valuing others. Here is the bottom line: accountability is a must-have component of any successful recovery plan. Instead of living a disconnected life, join a Life Recovery Group, and begin to connect.

by Brad Stenberg

Strong friendships withstand the test of time and are authentic. One must take down their mask that hides their true self from others. A relationship that is real includes both a person’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s essential to be open, vulnerable, honest, and sincere with others. And share struggles with a friend. When individuals share their struggles with grace-filled friends, they find that they accepted regardless of their faults, and they experience the joy of acceptance.

Friendships do not happen automatically—they must be cultivated. It’s easy to lose friends by neglecting to stay in touch with them. Spending time together is required; as often as possible, keep in touch with each other. Make the phone call or text to initiate getting together with each other. After all, friends are committed and devoted to one another.While it is a natural tendency to withdraw from others, it can often become unhealthy. Taking a break from people is fine occasionally, but isolation is deadly. Remember, solitary confinement is one of the worst punishments devised by mankind.

Friends are not optional; they’re essential in life. There is no substitute for a friend. A true friend is someone who cares, listens, comforts, and even reproves. The Bible says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NLT). No one is self-sufficient.

Whether good or bad, a friendship impacts a person’s life, and they’re not neutral. If an individual connects with good people, they become a better person. Proverbs 13:20 states, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” If someone is friends with people of questionable character, they may be tempted to become like them, as the Apostle Paul wrote, “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Choose friends carefully, prayerfully, and wisely.

Allow a friend to be themself, and don’t try to change them. Please give them the freedom to be themselves without pressuring them to be someone they are not. Allow them to make mistakes, be human, and loyally maintain the relationship regardless of their ups and downs. Remember, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Here’s the bottom line: Friends protect each other, and they look for things that may harm each other, hold one another accountable, and watch each other’s backs. Attending a New Life workshop and joining a phone coaching group afterward are safe places to form solid friendships for life. To find out more, call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Kent Ernsting

Most programs, self-help methods, and diets often only focus on one thing: correction. While correcting behavior is very important—including lifestyle changes getting enough rest, exercising, and growing spiritually—very few focus on the one key element that needs to occur for all the other steps: connection!

Without connection with other people, it is almost impossible for anyone battling an addiction to change their daily routine behaviors that have become rituals and patterns. Connection is more important than correction because it brings accountability, support, awareness, and growth and deepens a person’s relationship with God and others.

Unfortunately, fear usually keeps a person stuck in addiction from connecting with others when they need it the most. A broken individual needs help from others to heal. But if they grew up in an atmosphere of shaming as a child, they might have learned to shut down when hurting.

A person suffering from addiction or dependency may attempt to correct their behavior. As a result, this leads to a vicious cycle of try, fail, try, and eventually going back to addiction. Often, this leads only to taking up another addiction. So, if they stop using drugs, they may start smoking or overeating. This is a vicious cycle. Connection is the only way to break this unhealthy pattern.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

What someone who is working to beat addiction needs the most is a genuine connection with another person. It seems scary at first. However, the way to start is with individual therapy. Connecting with a counselor may help gain the courage needed to seek relationships outside of the therapy office.

Going to a Life Recovery Group and seeing a licensed counselor are great ways to start connecting. Check out the New Life Counselor Network and find a counselor that is the right fit. The goal is to focus on connecting with others. When a person develops strong connections, it will be easier for them to change their behaviors.

by Julie Davis

Anyone or anything that attempts to penetrate its exterior is met with harsh, cold rage. These disappointments range in size—from smaller  ones, such as a mom forgetting to give their child a promised ice cream cone, to larger ones like a dad telling a child that he is ashamed of them and wished you had never been born.

But even after a lifetime of mismanaged disappointments that have turned into anger, there’s hope to calm anger.

The actual object of anger must be confirmed. Most of the stuff that creates anger isn’t what a person is furious about. Those are just the triggers that set in motion the wheels of angry behavior. A driver might falsely accuse some out-of-control motorist of their anger when, in fact, it often goes much deeper than that. Therefore, it is essential to identify what has truly ignited this flame of rage. Until one gets to the root, they won’t kill the fruit.

One must address the nerve of disappointment this trigger presses on. Once the object of anger (usually oneself or a wound from the past) becomes essential to manage whatever nerve of disappointment the triggers are pressing on. For example, let’s say a husband is struggling with anger toward his wife. It may press on the nerve of an overbearing mother who never let him take risks and was always in his face about something.

The actual healing from anger begins when a person gets to the emotional nerves in their heart. These are the points at which most of their  anger was born. As a person learns what these nerves are, they are better prepared to address them with the truth’s healing power.

Look to God’s promises for the specific need. God’s Word is truth (John 17:17). And it is the truth that ultimately sets a person free (John 8:32). To address the nerves of disappointment that trigger anger, a person who struggles must bring the Word of God to help them heal. Once they touch the layers of pain encasing their hearts with the truth, over time, they will heal from years of anger and bitterness.

How this works is that a person gets to the nerve of disappointment. Let’s say someone never measured up to their father’s strict standards when they were a child or teen. Then as an adult, they can search God’s Word for the truth about their security in Him. And they find excellent passages like Psalm 139:14. As one plants these truths in their mind, they begin to “remove their heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).

In addition, one can meet with others to grow in connectedness. Anger ultimately isolates a person from relationships. They grow distant and cold toward those who love them. To truly calm anger, a person must be in healthy relationships. And in connection, they learn to respond on truth rather than the old method of lashing out.

So, be CALM!

1. Illumination
   When someone sees the need for change, they have reached illumination. It is, to be precise, a light-bulb moment—the point at which a  person finally understands their situation in a whole new way. As Ephesians 5:8 (MSG) says, “You groped your way through that murk  once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So, no more stumbling around. Get on with it.”
2. Inspiration
   Once a person realizes their need for change, inspiration is a necessary step to change. They can ask God for His help and guidance.  Change may be needed in several areas of life—self-talk, addictions, dealing with emotions, and cultivating community. Anyone who asks God for the courage to change will be transformed into the person God wants them to be.
3. Examination
   Socrates once said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” An individual must ask themselves if their life measures up to God’s  standards. Anyone who wants to change can start by evaluating their life according to God’s Word. No one is perfect. As one is inspired to make changes, they must take a good hard look at how they measure up to God’s standards. But after examining their life closely, they  should be more inclined to want to live in obedience to God’s Word.
4. Motivation
   When one understands that the life God has for them is beyond what they could even imagine, they have reached the step of motivation.  Walking in His truth and staying obedient to His Word are secret weapons to developing a purpose-driven life. The more someone seeks the kingdom of God and all His righteousness first, the more used of God they will be.
5. Determination
   No matter what a person has been through, giving up should not be an option. If a person falls, they should get up and try again. God  gives second chances—He wants everyone to succeed. With Christ, all things are possible. Stay in the fight and keep reaching for the prize. Anyone who has overcome obstacles has a tremendous amount of determination—they won’t give up. For them, there is no excuse good enough to give up, so they persevere. The more determined they are, the stronger their transformation will be.
6. Realization
   Supernatural things can happen. Persevere until change comes; be of good courage. A person is a champion because of God’s ability to  change them. Everyone matters to God, and He has unique plans for each person. James 1:12 (NLT) says, “God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

Want to change but don’t know where to start? Call 800 NEW-LIFE. New Life has a network of licensed counselors across the country. Call and  find a counselor today.

Adapted from, Lose It for Life, by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Linda Mintle

In recovery, one must have the courage to look inside. Is it scary? Yes. But someone stuck in addiction must face their authentic self. Their real  self is lurking in the dark underneath whatever it is that they’ve tried to ignore, deny, or cover-up. It’s so much easier for someone to focus on the darkness of other hearts, but it’s much harder to look at the darkness of one’s heart.

Psalm 32 mentions freedom comes from facing the darkness inside and letting it out into the light. The release comes from having the courage to look inside. In the New Living Translation, verse five says, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to  myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”

Once a person looks inside, the result is to agree with God. In other words, confession. It is the Holy Spirit convicts of sin. For a person to have a  relationship with God, they must agree with God about it. Sin is inside every person. It is evil—and it deserves punishment. When a sinner   honestly confesses the blackness of their iniquity before God, they can thank God for the cleansing blood of Jesus shed on their account.

Someone in recovery must have the courage to consecrate themselves to God and not hold back. They must have the courage to face the depth,  the breadth, and the blackness of their sin, or the pain it has caused them, others, and even God himself. An addict must let go of their denial, excuses, and self-justifications. Then, they can muster the courage to move into unknown territory–confession, surrendering, and consecration. Attending a Life Recovery Group will help.

The Lord wants a person in recovery to face the unknown, knowing that He is already ahead of them. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong. Take Courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because GOD, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”

While the darkness of one’s heart can seem too scary to investigate, God will instill courage in anyone who asks Him. Finally, in the words of John Wayne, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”

by Mark Verkler

Being joyful during these turbulent times is a challenge. But it’s easier said than done. After all, the world is brimming with trials, difficulties, and sufferings—not to mention addictions, habits, and toxic relationships. So, it’s no wonder everyone is stressed.

When a person is in recovery, what’s an excellent way to respond to the stressors of everyday life? Start by turning things over to God. In Martin Luther’s favorite Psalm, Psalm 118, verse 24 is a good reminder that “the Lord has made” every day. Every day is a glorious gift from the Father. And the best way to use the gift of today is to surrender it to God.

Step 3 of Life Recovery says, “We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.” This third step in recovery involves surrendering. When someone is stuck in addiction or unable to move forward in life for any reason, they must work on turning their lives over to the Lord daily. To read and download the 12 Steps to Life Recovery, click here.

Surrender is a military term. It involves giving up one’s rights to the conqueror. When the losing army surrenders, they lay down their arms, and the winners take control from then on. Likewise, surrendering to God works the same way. God has a plan and purpose for every person; to surrender to God, they must set aside their desires and eagerly seek His.

In recovery, when a person completely surrenders all substances they’re using to escape their problems over to God, He calms their fears and guides their every step. Steve Arterburn said it best: “Today, as you face the uncertainties of everyday life, do your best to turn everything over to God. Whatever it is, He can handle it. And you can be sure that He will handle it when the time is right.”

Here is a prescription for a happier and healthier life: (1). Resolve to slow down the pace. (2). Resist the temptation to chase after more pleasure in the form of alcohol, drugs, pornography, shopping, overeating, and codependent relationships. (3). And finally, regain control by learning to say no.

Martin Luther’s song, “A Mighty Fortress,” offers this hope: “We will not fear, for God has willed His truth to triumph through us.” So, take refuge in God—in good times and in bad. And live one day at a time.

For example, in recovery, help is a challenging word. Why? Most people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. The fear of the H-word goes back to the Garden of Eden. Adam told God, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so, I hid” (Genesis 3:10, NIV).

From the world’s perspective, a person who asks for help is weak. But from God’s perspective, a person who asks for help is brave—after all, they are courageous enough to admit they can’t make it on their own. Every person needs a mediator, and that mediator is Christ. It takes great courage and strength for a person to confess their actual condition. However, spiritually speaking, a person stuck in addiction to declare their need for help is to initiate the truth that will set them free.

One of the reasons why it’s hard to ask for help is because, in childhood, boys and girls learn to bury their emotions. When they become grown men and women, they still cover up their feelings and become self-contained rather than risk being humiliated. They have learned to ignore, deny, and minimize their feelings. In many aspects of their lives, they can get away with that strategy. But when it comes to an ongoing issue with addiction, they need the support of others.

Scriptures consistently point to the reality that everyone needs to ask for help. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Every person needs a Savior and can’t do it by themselves. Accepting that one is needy and must receive help from others is a spiritual reality; it is the beginning of freedom from addiction.

So many try to fight this battle with addiction on their own. But they only end up failing miserably over and over. Many men and women who have not overcome addiction admit to not having a vulnerable recovery group and sharing their struggles. Joining a Life Recovery Group can be how God leads a person back to the community and wholeness—no more being a lone ranger.

It may be humbling, but anyone can take steps to get help. They must reach out and utter the word HELP! A person stuck in addiction can come to Christ broken, or their addiction will break them. Either way, God will bring a person from addiction into a place of restoration and reconciliation with Him.

God invites a person to Himself when He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3).

In other words, when someone reaches out and asks for help, they will find freedom! For help with getting connected to a licensed counselor, finding a treatment facility, or attending a New Life Workshop, call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Sam Fraser

If a person with an unhealthy habit does not face the pain that their addiction has caused themselves and others, they will not confess or own up to it. As a result, they will continue to turn to their addiction to find momentary relief from the burden of their shame.

Shame, however, may allow a person struggling with addiction to focus attention on the welfare of God and others above their own. Confessions made in the light of shame lead a person to recover to restore relationships with loving dignity and help develop accurate self-perceptions considering God’s true view of them, which does something better than provide relief from the shame they feel. It gives them a deep sense of rest in their minds and hearts. The cost of not facing their shame is too high a price to pay.

Another way that the loophole of denial keeps the addict from facing the painful truth is by creating an alternative to the truth. Alternatives to the facts are simply lies. Lies help them to maintain the illusion that they can avoid rejection and increase the chances of acceptance by presenting themselves as someone they are not.

The problem with creating alternatives is that acceptance is never fully experienced. A person who has an addiction is never fully known because the truth of who they are remains hidden underneath the lies; therefore, they stay distance themselves from others.

The person held back by addiction shares a false self with others. Those who are closest to them will never experience them as they are. Then, they wind up never trusting or being intimate with anyone. The alternative at first seems like it will increase acceptance and decrease rejection, but in the end, it isolates the person further by taking them away from the truth of who they are, others are, and who God is.

Christ provides a way out of the shame-based loopholes of denial. When prodigals turn from their sin and go home, they find redemption. Not only that, but they will also find the acceptance, love, and relationship in Father’s healing embrace.

The Father celebrates all prodigals returning home by announcing, “for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found” (Luke 15:24, NLT). Begin to discover the True Truth by reading The Life Recovery Bible.

by Fred Feliciano

1. Identify the Wound That Planted the Bitterness.
   Bitterness can develop from hurt or a wound that has never healed. Look inside to determine what damage may be causing resentment toward someone or something.
2. Work on the Right Side of the Fence.
   Romans 12:18 says, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” If possible (and safe), the offended should try to reconcile with their offender. If their effort is rejected or rebuffed, then they should release themselves from their response. The person offended can only be responsible for their actions; so, they are not responsible for the person who offended them.
3. Consider the Other Person’s Bitterness.
   The wounded person should look at the person who hurt them and think about what might have caused them to act the way they did—they may have some deep hurt or pain that is unresolved. Not that it justifies what they did, but a little empathy can go a long way to breaking up the hard soil around the bitter roots.
4. Give up Seeking an Apology or Restitution.
   A victim may never get the apology, restitution, compensation, or restoration that they have been longing for, so they must let it go. Giving up that expectation can free a person by loosening the soil and pulling out the bitter roots.
5. Change the Landscape.
   Suppose a person has done everything to work out a difficult, painful situation or an ongoing relationship. In that case, the person may need to take a bold step to distance themselves from that problematic person or situation. They may need to end a relationship, set up boundaries, find a new job, or move to a different community to get away from ongoing abuse. 6. Give It to God. Remember that God says, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back” (Deuteronomy 32:35). Give the offender over to God; they will have to answer to God, anyway. Decide to forgive them and let it go. Because if a person does not forgive, the bitterness will eat them up, poison their other relationships, and rob them of peace and joy.

by Dr. Sheri Keffer

One of the blessings that came from the fall of man in the Garden of Eden was brokenness. How can brokenness be a blessing? As a natural outcome of eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, shame caused Adam and Eve to want to hide. When God discovered Adam and Eve’s sin, they ran from Him. Adam and Eve moved out of the light and into the darkness to conceal their sin and shame. But God sought them out to redeem their brokenness.

Adam and Eve put on fig leaves to hide their nakedness until God gave them animal skins to wear as clothing. God provided lovingly for them in the depth of their shame. But they weren’t the only ones to put on fig leaves. Since then, every person after them has also tried to cover their shame. Why? Because people hide in the wilderness instead of seeking God’s presence, thinking they are too broken. It simply is not valid.

When it comes to addiction, a person stuck in addiction will first try to hide from God. That is because of shame—it makes people judge and condemn themselves. Also, it encourages negative self-talk such as: “It happened again!”, “Sobriety will never work out!”, “It is impossible to overcome addiction.”

A person who is full of shame will often get depressed and beat themselves up for their choices. They may isolate because they feel unworthy and deserving of banishment. So, they feel like they have no other choice but to do what Adam and Eve did. As a result, a person stuck in addiction will continue to hide and cover themselves.

There is a story that explains brokenness well. There was once a young priest who was about to lift the communion cup and bless the cup. The crystal cup was beautiful. But when he lifted the cup, it slipped out of his hand and broke all over the floor. He looked up at the older priest, thinking that priest would ridicule him. Instead, the priest said, “I never knew there were so many beautiful pieces to reflect the light until the cup was broken.”

It is the light that shines through the brokenness that is so beautiful—for that light is the Lord. A person who struggles with addiction fears being broken or seen as broken. But as this story illustrates, it is in brokenness that the light of Christ can shine through, making the brokenness beautiful.

Many people resist recovery because it’s hard to give up control. However, the longer a person tries to hold onto power, the longer they will live in pain, isolated and disconnected. For help with recovery, find a licensed Christian counselor.

Brokenness may seem like a roadblock to healing and wholeness, but on the contrary, it is a door that one can enter and discover a new life. Once a person opens the door, they begin the incredible recovery journey and experience God’s blessings for them.

1. Forgiveness always involves the moral side of life. It consists of a sense of right and wrong, fairness and justice. It also includes a sense of love, compassion, and mercy. When someone violates a person with a seemingly unforgivable act, at least some of the victim’s values have been broken.
2. No matter how just it may seem, revenge can never bring satisfaction. After all, it can never replace what has been destroyed. It also brings the offended down to the level of the offender. Staying with vengeful thoughts is like playing an endless—and painful—video repeatedly.
3. In Colossians 2:13, Paul describes forgiveness, “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins.” However, some want to make certain things unforgivable.
4. “Forgive and forget” is a common belief that keeps many from forgiving in the first place. God forgives and forgets (Jeremiah 31:34, Ps. 103:12), so many think they should, too. But “forgive and remember” is the true way to healing. When someone experiences real forgiveness, there is more to remember than pain. They should remind themselves of what God has done and is doing in their lives through His forgiveness.
5. Forgiving other people does not in any way benefit or let them off the hook. Forgiveness frees the victim from the expectation of restitution for the wrongs done to them. It allows the offended to cancel the debt the offender owes them, which in all probability, they can never repay anyway.
6. For genuine reconciliation to happen, the person offended needs to forgive, and the offender needs to show godly sorrow over what they have done. God requires every believer to forgive, but reconciliation is optional. After all, reconciliation depends on the offender’s attitude.
7. A person tends to choose the path of bitterness when they get caught up with wanting to understand the reasons for the offense. They think if they could only understand why the offender did what they did, they could get over it and let it go—it leads to isolation and aloneness as they obsess over the painful event.
8. Be careful not to take forgiveness out of its spiritual context because forgiveness is best understood in the context of God’s forgiveness. The theological and spiritual roots of forgiveness are what give it its healing power. Apart from that, it can be a helpful tool but never to the same degree as when it is connected to the reality of God’s forgiveness.
9. Forgiveness is not a simple process. Sometimes a miracle occurs. But other times, a person plods along toward forgiveness. Nevertheless, God always honors the move toward forgiveness; it is His plan for every person.
10. When one forgives, they allow God to work miracles in His way and His time.

Adapted from Forgiving What You’ll Never Forget by Dr. Dave Stoop

In some ways, the effects of shame can be like the effects of erosion. Over the years, water can accumulate and create erosion. For example, the impact of corrosion on a dam is easy to see because the water can tear away the dam’s walls, making a small canyon for the water to escape through.

Matthew 7:26-27 says, “Anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

When the storms of life such as stress, problems at work, or conflict with a spouse arise, the coping abilities a person uses can crumble because addiction provides them with a false sense of mastery. These strong negative emotions can lead to isolation, hiding, denial, division of the self, depression, decreased self-esteem, and feelings of anger towards oneself and others. Shame is an indictment of the person’s self, but vulnerability in trusted relationships can reverse its effects.

Having seen that shame erodes the very fabric of relationships with self and others, what are the results of true conviction? A person receives numerous blessings from living out a life based on genuine trust, yet shame leads to the destruction of relationships. Also, a life based on true conviction leads to strengthened relationships, community, openness, acceptance, union with self, and agreement with Scripture.

Living through true conviction is like building a house upon a rock. The storms of life will come and rage, but a house built on a solid foundation will stand. Matthew 7:24-25 states, “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.”

This week, begin to listen to and respond to true conviction rather than shame. Shame works to destroy the inner life and the sense of self, just like water quickly erodes a dam once it’s broken. Instead, stop the break and erosion. Rebuild by responding to the true conviction of the Holy Spirit. A solid life happens through confession, openly taking responsibility, and choosing to build a house on Christ, the Solid Rock. When the storms of life rage, remember, it can help to meet with a licensed Christian counselor.

Financial issues often surface when the person with the addiction begins to gain some control over their recovery by maintaining more extended periods of sobriety. As they start to feel victorious over their unhealthy habits, they may increase spending on gadgets, hobbies, or other compulsive purchases. In recovery, a relationship with God must become the primary focus. If someone is pursuing materialism, their financial idols will come into conflict with their spiritual walk.

Just as people handle finances reveals their true values, it also shows how they manage their lives. Whether it is money, television, hobbies, alcohol, etc., there may be a secondary addiction underneath the more visible primary unhealthy habit. A person who struggles with addiction has not developed the same ability to tolerate frustration, other negative emotions, or delay gratification to the same degree as someone sober.

Unfortunately, simply removing the method of coping—the addictive behaviors—does not give a person the necessary skills to manage in a fallen world. Not only does this make sobriety increasingly tricky, but it also leaves them feeling even more powerless and ultimately sets them up for relapse.

Recovery is not just about abstaining from acting out; it is complete healing of the heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”

The person with addiction needs to learn sobriety, and they also need to learn to cope with old triggers in healthy ways. Knowing this makes facing recovery more manageable as it helps to refocus on the actual issues. It empowers by causing us to seek new ways of relating. Make changes through small, attainable steps and goals.

Ultimately, people must address their triggers and emotions. When they can refocus on the actual problem, they regain power and may no longer feel the need to spend or engage in other unhealthy secondary coping behaviors. Using a journal, like The Life Recovery Journal, to help—or recover from—a relapse can be essential in healing.

Remember the Parable of the Prodigal Son? When the prodigal son moved home, he had to make amends. He left home to find his freedom and hurt his family as he made this choice. He didn’t handle that kind of freedom well, though, and “he wasted all his money in wild living” (Luke 15:13, NLT).

No doubt, as the prodigal son headed back home, he rehearsed what he would say. He may have identified what sins he had committed against God and his family, then he confessed it. Finally, because of his betrayal, he saw his unworthiness, an accurate picture of himself. It was no longer about him; he no longer cared just about himself. He was ready now to see the reality of his condition.

Sometimes making amends requires someone to write a letter to each person in their family. The letter should state what they did wrong, ask for forgiveness, and see if there is anything they can do to make amends. A family member may respond by yelling, screaming, or disowning altogether. Accepting their response with humility may open the door for reconciliation. The family member may not want to, and that is their choice.

In this step, a person needs to reflect on what their family might say and prepare for their response. It means trying to see their family members’ point of view and not defend their wrong. In addition, they will need to accept the outcome, knowing it may not be what they expect and understand how their addiction has affected others. By realizing how they hurt their own family, they can begin to make better choices in their recovery, which will make for healthy and whole relationships.

In the case of the prodigal son, the story does not explain how long he was gone. It does, however, explain that it had taken him quite a while to go through his inheritance. By the time the prodigal son returned home, his father was so excited that he had a party to welcome him home: “For this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found” (v.24). The older brother was angry and rejected the brothers’ amends (vs. 28). The response is not always the same for everyone in the family.

Making amends with family is an essential part of recovery and cannot be avoided. Learn more about making amends and experiencing true recovery by attending a Life Recovery Group.

After a while, many of those caught in this cycle begin to understand that using more of a substance to deal with life has stopped working. But they have to come to this perspective shift for themselves. People looking in from the outside, even with good intentions, will not be able to create a set of rules that will stop someone’s addictive habits, no matter how destructive they may be.

Someone struggling with addiction has to come to the realization that addiction is a disease that can destroy their life if left unchecked. Cancer is a disease that ravages the human body, causing physical and emotional harm. To combat cancer, there is medical treatment available, such as chemotherapy and radiation. Along with this, a person fighting cancer quickly realizes that there are certain things that help in their recovery, and certain things that do not. There are certain treatment plans that require more rest, more exercise, or a different diet. These do not feel like “limits” imposed by a doctor. These feel like steps towards healing from a disease! Addiction must be treated in the same way.

It can be very challenging to make changes away from addiction, but just like a cancer patient, these changes are necessary to find the recovery someone is longing for. It may be a decision to join a support group or a change in how someone spends their time and who they spend it with. Someone in the throes of addiction needs God’s help to make these changes.

The amazing truth is that there are no limits with God. He wants people to experience freedom. There are, however, boundaries in place to keep someone struggling with addiction from hurting themselves or others. Just like a treatment process for cancer, the boundaries God helps someone determine are for their good. King David understood this when he wrote that “the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (Psalm 16:6 NIV). He saw that God was only trying to help him, not put limitations on him.

When a person struggling with addiction begins to understand that boundaries are helpful for them, then they will no longer feel like rules or limits. They will start to see that the real limit on their life is the disease of addiction. Only with God’s help can they truly be limitless.

So, individuals in recovery need to remember the years of pain, deceit, broken promises, and hardships created in their  addiction. These events have hurt their loved ones more than they realize. Their loved ones require support throughout the healing process. No one can fix their loved ones or undo the damage they have done. But through recovery, there is an opportunity for healing in relationships.

Those in recovery often give their loved ones the power to dictate their feelings. If their loved one is hopeful, they’re hopeful. If a friend or family member is having a bad day, someone who is in recovery doesn’t feel they have the right to be happy.

While this is normal for a person to have many different feelings, it is unhealthy to take on others’ feelings. It can entrap  them, keeping them from recognizing and celebrating what God is doing in them. As a result, it will be difficult—if not impossible—for them to leave shame in the past and fight the temptation to return to the addiction.

Therefore, the road to recovery is not a journey to walk alone. Sponsors, mentors, group members, and counselors can  encourage them more than their loved ones can. But it requires time, energy, and a willingness to allow another person to speak into their lives. After all, many have walked the path of recovery and have wisdom and support to share.

Spending time with God in prayer, meditation, and the reading of His Word are indispensable tools for recovery. The Life Recovery Bible is a must-have Bible to read every day!

Step 2 says, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” It’s encouraging to know that there is hope for a better way of life! God can help restore the emotional challenges faced in recovery!

When Steve Arterburn, founder of New Life Ministries, went through a divorce, he experienced a great deal of loss. In his grieving, he had to address his insecurity and fear of the future. But more than anything, it was the loss of a safe and intact home for his 12-year-old daughter that hurt him.

While he describes his sadness as feeling different now than it did then, he acknowledges that it’s still there. He said, “There are certain things that happen even now that bring back all of those feelings. My daughter made it through with flying colors, and I think a deeper relationship with God. But the pain that she had to endure was horrible. And I don’t believe that she’s entirely over that pain today any more than I am.”

It’s normal for people to still feel some things years after they go through a major loss. Certain triggers bring back some of the pain. No deep grieving process is going to fix everything or make it all go away.

The grieving process helps people to live a life that isn’t dominated by the loss and helps them adjust to their new reality. While someone may never get over a certain loss, such as the loss of a child, they can get through it. People have to adjust in a way that allows them to function and get on with their lives. Somehow they have to adapt to the emptiness that is there when the other person they love isn’t. All of the grieving and mourning is designed not so that they’ll be free of all sadness, but so that they can live in a healthy acceptance that in this world they’re going to have trials and sorrows. Jesus was clear about this (See John 16:33).

In this process, someone can come to accept a different way of living and still have a fulfilling and meaningful life. Even if all they ever do with their life is help comfort other people who have lost someone in the same way, that’s a pretty great thing. When people are in the midst of loss, they just want someone who understands what they’ve been through and knows what to say, which many times means saying nothing. Sometimes just being there and being available is what is needed most.

If there was a grief graph, showing the flow of the healing process, it would go up and down. It’s not helpful to ask someone who is grieving if they’re still feeling sad or if they think they’re over it. The best question is, “Is this a good day or a bad day?” In the beginning, most days are bad days. But the roller coaster emotional experience continues to go up and down. Whatever kind of day it is for them, they need to talk about it. People should come alongside them and be present on whatever day that they are experiencing.

It is helpful for people to remember that this is not the only loss that they’re ever going to experience. Every day has the potential for additional losses. When one loss piles upon another, it is  called catastrophic loss or trauma. When someone is up against loss like that, it’s important that they get professional help and not try to handle it on their own. God says that He won’t give a man anything that he can’t handle, but He doesn’t say that everything can be handled alone. All through scripture is Christ’s example of being with other people, especially in His worst moment of grief and sorrow.

There is an epidemic in the Christian community of ungrieved losses. Christians shouldn’t be part of not allowing someone to grieve or discouraging them from going through the grieving process. It can be so healing and the best way to adjust to the new reality of living without something or someone extremely important to them.

Click here to learn more about grief on newlife.com.

1. Do not expect too much too soon.
   This will only accentuate feelings of failure. And avoid setting difficult goals, or taking on ambitious new responsibilities, until a structured treatment process has begun.
2. Break large tasks into small ones.
   Set some priorities. Do what can be done—when it can be done.
3. Recognize patterns in mood.
   Like many people with depression, the worst part of the day may be the morning. Try to arrange the schedule accordingly so that the demands are the least in the morning. For example, shift meetings to midday or the afternoon.
4. Participate in activities that may make one feel better.
   Try exercising, going to a movie, watching a ball game, and participating in church or social activities. At a minimum, such activities may distract someone from the way they feel and allow the day to pass more quickly.
5. A person who is depressed may feel like spending all day in bed, but they should not.
   While a change in the duration, quality, and timing of sleep is a core feature of depression, a reversal in sleep patterns can prolong recovery. A depressed person should give others permission to wake them up in the morning; waiting until the morning to decide what someone will be doing ensures they will do nothing.
6. A depressed person should not get upset if their mood is not greatly improved right away.
   Feeling better takes time. If it takes a while to get better,
   someone who is depressed should not feel crushed. Sometimes the road to recovery is like a roller coaster ride.
7. People around someone who is depressed may notice improvements in them before they do.
   They may still feel just as depressed inside, but some of the outward manifestations of depression may be receding.
8. Someone who is depressed should not make major life decisions.
   For example, they should be careful about changing jobs or getting married or divorced. In addition, they should consult with others who know them well, as well as someone who has a more objective view of their situation.
9. Do not expect a depressed person to snap out of their depression on their own by an exercise of willpower.
   This rarely happens. Many churches and communities have depression support groups. Someone who is depressed should connect with people who understand depression and the recovery process.
10. A person who struggles with depression should remind themselves that their negative thinking is part of the depression.
    It will lessen through treatment.

If depression has become debilitating, seek professional help. Contact 800-NEW-LIFE for more resources or to find a licensed Christian counselor.