Think about how much you have grown in the past year. How many things have changed? It may be one big thing, your career, where you live, your relationship status…or it could be a bunch of little things. But, in some way, your life is not the same as it was. Growth and change are what life is all about. We learn from every experience, good and bad, and take something from every challenge we encounter. One of the difficult parts about growth is that we sometimes grow in different directions from those who have had important roles in our lives. There are some relationships that we simply outgrow, some that we will eventually come back to, and still others that develop anew. It’s the growing apart that is the hardest, realizing that you’re different people in different places in life, and your paths have taken on new, opposite directions. Try as you might, you can’t force someone to fit into your life, and you can’t mold your life around them, putting aside your own goals, hopes, and aspirations to bring things back to “the way they used to be.” We have to embrace the growth and accept the change, whatever comes with it, and understand that just as our lives are developing, so are our friends’ lives. Although we may outgrow some relationships, we will inevitably form others. We will develop new interests, and our priorities will change. As long as we stay true to ourselves, those who are meant to be along for the long haul will understand that the road of growth and change can be a bumpy one. They’ll stay with us and make sure we enjoy the ride.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of growth and change, and the rest of this year promises even more. I still plan on writing on this blog, but it may not be as often as I would like. Much of my free time is being spent on my style blog, a passion that I have been wanting to pursue for a long time. I also don’t believe in blogging for the sake of blogging. When I write I want it to be something that is truly worth your time. Thank you so much for continuing to read this blog, and for sticking it out with me, bumpy road and all.

When was the last time you asked someone how they were out of obligation or as a reflex? When was the last time you answered “I’m fine” and didn’t really mean it? I would bet that ‘within the last week’ is the answer the majority of people give to both questions…and that makes me sad.

One of the first things I thought of as I watched news of the tragedy in Newtown unfold last Friday was ‘I wonder when the last time was that someone asked Adam Lanza how he was and actually waited to hear the answer.’ We are so busy with our goal-oriented, get ahead, independent lifestyles that we all too often forget how interconnected we are to others, and how powerful small words and actions can be.

My heart breaks for the lives lost; so many precious children with long, bright futures ahead of them, and brave adults who had dedicated their lives to molding future generations. I cannot fathom what would possess someone to take so many lives, and their own. No matter what the investigation uncovers, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to understand. But, one thing I know for sure is that there is not enough love in this world. There are not enough meaningful conversations, hugs, or smiles. There is not enough support. There is too much generalizing, labeling, and assuming. There is too much busyness. There is not enough thoughtfulness. There are not enough selfless acts.

We can debate forever about the issues this tragedy brings to the forefront, things like gun control, mental healthcare, and violent video games, but there’s more we can do. We can be more observant. As the New York City transit system advises, “If you see something, say something.” We can thank people more often and make sure they know that they are loved and appreciated. We can ask how people are and wait to hear the answer, and if we think they’re holding back, we can let them know that we’re there for them, no matter what. We can keep open minds and hearts and try our best not to judge people or write them off because of some mental or physical limitation, or something that makes them different. We can give random compliments. We can use social media to keep tabs on those we care about, remember to check in on them and be there for them on good days and bad. We can take someone under our wing and into our circles. We can hold doors for strangers.

There is still so much we don’t know about this tragedy, but one thing we do know is that we never want it to happen again. If we want to honor the memories of those gone too soon, we need to bring more love into this world. I’m not so naive as to think that love can solve all, but I know that a little can go a long way. So, please, give more hugs. Truly be there for people, not out of obligation or routine, but because you want to be. Ask how they are, and don’t just wait to hear the answer, but listen to what they’re really saying.

If you’re a longtime reader of this blog, you know that I’m a major proponent of making gratitude a part of every day. I don’t believe that it should be reserved for once a year when we’re told to give thanks. Waking up each morning to another day on this Earth should be enough to remind you to appreciate your life and the people and things that are a part of it.

That said, I do love Thanksgiving. It’s a time to enjoy the company of friends and family, eat great food, and watch some football. I’m also a sucker for the parade. When my family sits down to dinner, I’m “that person” who makes everyone go around the table and say what they’re thankful for each year. Corny, I know, but putting our gratitude into words can make it mean that much more. When it’s my turn, I try to really think about it and be creative in my answer. Of course, I’m always thankful for family, friends, and good health, but there are so many more smaller things that often go unrecognized. To get the wheels turning, here are six less conventional things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1. Memories: I’m not someone who lives in the past, but I do like to look back on it occasionally and smile. I love thinking back to different times in my life, catching up with old friends, and taking the time to be proud of how far I’ve come. I saw my grandma’s memories fade away, so I know how precious they can be and I want to appreciate them as long as I have them.

2. Health Insurance: This is something that people (myself included) often take for granted, especially when we’re young. But, thanks to my health insurance, I can go to therapy, afford medicine, and go to the doctor when my stomach is driving me crazy. I don’t know what I would do without it.

3. Polite People: Living in New York City, it’s easy to forget that polite people exist. Everyone is in such a hurry and the patience level is generally pretty low. But, when someone says excuse me, or holds a door, or smiles, it brightens my day just a little and I’m grateful.

4. Books: I truly love to read. When I’m having a hard day at work, I imagine myself curled up in bed with a book (or my Kindle). Long subway and bus rides are made better when I have a good book to read. I love being able to escape to imaginary worlds, get caught up in a story, or be inspired by the courage of others.

5. Elliptical Machines: For 46 straight weeks, I have gone to the gym at least once, usually three times a week. Tendonitis prevents me from using the treadmill, but fortunately the wonderful elliptical machine and I have a good thing going. I don’t always look forward to working out, but once I’m there I feel good, and after I’m done I feel even better.

6. My Social Supporters: This has been an interesting few months for me in the social media world. I’ve been posting on this blog less and focusing a lot of my attention on my style blog. I’m incredibly grateful for every one of my blog readers, Twitter/Instagram/Pinterest followers, and Facebook likers, and I’m truly touched that people care what I have to say. The adjustment to the fashion blogosphere has been an adventure so far, but I really enjoy every second I spend on that blog, and I thank you for understanding my need to pursue that passion.

What are you grateful for this year? Try to think outside of the box!

One of the most important things we can have in life is perspective. There are so many moments when we get completely caught up in our trials and tribulations. The little things become big, and we fall into the victim role. We’re all guilty of losing perspective and throwing ourselves a pity party. I’m no exception, but I’ve made it my mission to try to view everything as relative. Yes, I wish my parents were still together, but at least they’re both still around and I’m lucky to have close relationships with both of them. I would strongly prefer to have a job that’s more in line with my skills, experience and goals…but at least I have a job. My stomach is incredibly temperamental and often becomes upset without warning, but at least I have health insurance to cover doctor’s visits. I’m sure everyone can think of similar blank, but blank situations in their lives.

Living in New York during the past week has been like visiting an alternate universe, with flooded streets, dark neighborhoods, dormant subways, and dangling cranes. People crowding around trees on 42nd street, using the outlets for the decorative lights to charge their phones. Lines of cars for miles waiting for gas. Downed trees and street signs ripped from their roots.  Watching the city, and the surrounding areas, try to piece their lives back together, it’s impossible not to have perspective. And, on this election day, it’s important to put our national future in perspective too. We are so incredibly lucky to live in a free country, a democracy that puts the power in the hands of the people to elect a leader. Whether you think your vote will count or not, vote anyway. Voting is a privilege and a right that should not be taken for granted. There are many around the world who would give anything to feel like their voice makes a difference.

Take a look at your life. What have you been complaining about recently? Are the things that have been bothering you within your control? Could things be worse? More often than not, they could. We’re all incredibly lucky to be on this Earth, and with a little perspective, we’ll see just how lucky.

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I just finished a very powerful book called The Art of Hearing Heartbeats. Without giving too much away, I will tell you that the majority of the book contains a story within a story about a young boy who suddenly loses his sight. As he re-acclimates to the world around him, he learns the importance of his other senses. He realizes that there is a lot he was missing out on because he wasn’t really in tune with his world. The boy learns to appreciate the little things and no longer takes anything for granted.

With the weather events in my part of the country during the past week, this seems to be an incredibly relevant and important lesson. Our day-to-day trials and tribulations pale in comparison to those who have lost their homes and precious memories, and those whose lives have been turned upside down. People who are stranded or forced to couch hop would probably do anything to be in their own beds. Those without power or hot water long for some mindless TV and a hot shower. My neighborhood was only minimally affected by Hurricane Sandy, and we consider ourselves so lucky. Watching the footage on TV and walking through the streets is a reminder of how quickly things can be taken away.

This passage from the book encompasses the necessity of appreciating life and seeing beyond the surface:

“The true essence of things is invisible to the eyes.” A long silence, then: “Our sensory organs love to lead us astray, and eyes are the most deceptive of all. We rely too heavily upon them. We believe that we see the world around us, and yet it is only the surface that we perceive. We must learn to divine the true nature of things, their substance, and the eyes are rather a hindrance than a help in that regard. They distract us. We love to be dazzled. A person who relies too heavily on his eyes neglects his other senses–and I mean more than his hearing or sense of smell. I’m talking about the organ within us for which we have no name. Let us call it the compass of the heart.”

My thoughts are with all of those affected by Hurricane Sandy. May they be supported by loved ones and friends and guided by the compass of the heart.

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No matter how big or small your business, whether it is a non-profit or for-profit, start-up or big name corporation, it’s so important to stay tuned in to employee morale.

Do your employees like their jobs? Do they look forward to coming to work? Are they fulfilled? Do they feel appreciated and valued? Are people content or are they looking for other jobs? Do your employees still believe in the mission of the company and its core values?

These are questions you need to know the answers to at all times. If you don’t have time to keep a finger on the pulse of your company yourself, find someone to do it for you. But, no matter how you do it, you have to have an honest sense of how people are feeling about themselves, their jobs, and your company. Unhappy employees have a lesser desire to be productive and contribute positively. They begrudge new and challenging tasks, and dread coming to work. Those who are unhappy at work are more likely to spend time procrastinating with the things they wish they were actually doing for a living.

On the other hand, happy employees are more motivated and passionate. They will go the extra mile, stay the extra hour, and push themselves to work for the success of the company. Be careful not to get so caught up in ambitious plans and your own visions for the future that you forget to keep track of how people are feeling in the present. Remember that sometimes people may put up a good front. You might not like what you find, but if you take the time to dig deep and find out why people are unhappy, chances are you’ll learn something that will help you make your organization a better place for the long term. In reality, chances are that all of your employees won’t be happy all the time. But, if you foster a positive environment where they feel they can learn, grow and contribute, the strength of your team and health of your company can only increase.

New York, New York…it’s a hell of a town. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do. If you can make it here, you’ll make it anywhere. New York: the city of bright lights, skyscrapers and Broadway. A city brimming with art and culture, and sports teams galore. A fashion mecca with countless stores, large and small. A business hub, prime for networking and connecting. Many people long to visit here. Some aspire to make it big here. Most don’t really know what city life is really all about.

I have lived and worked in New York City for more than three years. After growing up in beautiful New England, going to summer camp in the Berkshire Mountains, finishing high school in suburban Long Island, and going to college in bucolic Connecticut…the City was definitely an adjustment. Though there are trees, they are few and far between, unless you happen to be in a park. There is A LOT of traffic. That’s not just a myth. And, there are even more people. Yes, New York is an amazing place to be; full of excitement and opportunity. But, it’s also loud and crowded and really expensive. There are long lines and long blocks; people who refuse to move to the center of subway cars; wandering tourists who have no concept of the fact that people actually live here. There’s a Starbucks and a Duane Reade pharmacy on practically every corner, but there are also almost as many homeless people begging for food.

You can make it here, although not everyone does. You can carve out your niche. Find an apartment you can afford in a neighborhood you like. Master public transportation, and learn to wear one pair of shoes to walk to the subway, and another once you get to work. You can figure out which bars to go to, and which ones to avoid. You can learn to weave through slow walkers like a fullback. You can figure out which grocery store is not a complete rip off, and find the Mexican restaurant with the cheapest margaritas. Then, sometime you’ll be walking home and you’ll realize you’ve gotten used to living here. You will give dagger eyes to a tourist, or push onto a crowded train and realize “Yup, I’m a New Yorker.” You will pass by another TV series filming in your neighborhood and not think twice. You will walk through Grand Central station without even looking up at the beautiful ceiling. You will find you have a love/hate relationship with this city that never sleeps. You will be overwhelmed by the possibilities, bright lights and yellow taxi cabs. But, you’ll still call it home.

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When you think back to your elementary school days, what were the things you looked forward to most? You probably had a favorite subject or an after school activity you really enjoyed, but chances are one of the highlights of your days was recess. I remember the anticipation of the recess bell. Everyone speed walking to the playground (because there was no running allowed in school), and the disappointment when rain kept us inside. I remember games of foursquare and hopscotch.  Swinging on swings and sliding down slides. Monkey bars competitions and shooting hoops. As sad as we were when the bell rang again and we had to go back inside, I remember feeling re-energized and refreshed for the rest of my day.

These days, in the grownup world, we don’t get a time for recess. Much to our dismay, we don’t get a nap time either. But, I think it’s equally, if not more, important to carve out a time in our day when we can recharge. Working hard and getting as much done in our waking hours as we can is great, but it can lead to brain overload. We all have that point where we have maxed out, we are at capacity and if we push any farther, we may explode. Some of us are just better at ignoring it than others, but the truth is that we all need to allow ourselves even a few minutes to step away from the grind. Whether you chose to read a book at your desk, do a lap around the floor or the block, catch up with a co-worker, play a game online, do something silly…give yourself a recess every day. Ring the bell and let your mind run free for a little while. Chances are that you’ll be much more prepared to face the rest of the day and your productivity will increase.

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Earlier this week, I had a bit of an internal panic attack. I was trying to think about my career, and my short and long-term plans, and I started second guessing myself. Am I pursuing the right path? Are the things that I’m passionate about legitimate? Am I good enough at them to make them my livelihood? And, so on. Later that same day, I came upon a great blog post by Jennifer Gresham. It’s called What If I Don’t Have Any Passions? and it really hit the nail on the head. Jen was inspired to write the post by clients who come to her in a hopeless state of desperation. When we’re in such a place, we don’t always approach the situation from the right state of mind, and this can be like pouring more water in the already sinking quicksand. There are much better ways that we can check ourselves and approach the situations and decisions we encounter with more clarity.

Jen addresses four problems that cause people to feel lost and passionless. The solutions she offers are valuable, not only to those who are looking for their passions or job-seeking, but to all who are trying to live a fulfilling life. For example, she warns against over-thinking and over-analyzing when we’re feeling depressed. Sometimes our brains just need a break.  It’s important to recognize when we reach the point that we’re no longer being productive. Jen also cautions about getting hung up on the word “passion.” All too often, we obsess over buzzwords and hold ourselves to other peoples’ definitions of success and coolness instead of our own. Jen suggests looking deeper, thinking about causes and communities we feel strongly about, and focusing on themes among our interests. The last problem Jen addresses is a big one for me: You’re afraid of disappointment or failure. Again, this message is one that applies beyond the realm of career:

Expect that you will make mistakes.  Plan to test-drive your career before committing to it.  Trust yourself to try again.

But more important than that?  Understand that a fulfilling career isn’t a destination you arrive at.  You’re constantly tweaking and refining and pivoting.  Embrace the journey and the barriers to beginning it will disappear.

Thinking of life as a journey is a smart and realistic approach. There are bumps in the road, and wrong turns, but there is also beautiful scenery and many memorable moments. We will at times feel like we have climbed a mountain, and others like we are stuck in a deep valley, but the only impassable brick walls along our journey are the ones we erect. It’s easier said than done to get out of that hopeless state of desperation once you’re in it, but it is possible. That’s what I will keep telling myself until I believe it.

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance, and the holiest day of the Jewish year. It is a fasting day, and those who observe the holiday traditionally spend most of their hours (ignoring their growling stomachs) in prayer and reflection. The ten day period between Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, through the end of Yom Kippur is meant as a time of self-examination. Are we proud of the way we are living our lives? Have we wronged anyone in the past year? Has anyone wronged us? Have we done anything we regret?  Have we treated ourselves and others with kindness? Have we helped those in need? There are endless questions to ponder.

Although this reflection is part of a religious observance, I think its importance is universal. We should all hold ourselves and our businesses to higher standards. We should reflect at certain times each year on what has come to pass. Are we being true to ourselves? Are we fulfilling the mission we set out to accomplish? Are our business practices fair? Have we strayed too far from what we believe in? Are we holding on to small annoyances that are impeding our progress? Think of it as a system of checks and balances, or a yearly physical, and take the time to assess where you are and where you want to go. With this knowledge, you can move forward in a way that is healthy, productive, and intentional to a sweet new year.