So is the movie, Groundhog Day. It is a fun one, and one that is chock full of life’s little lessons if you are willing to explore them.

Over at Creative Clarity Coaching, I am exploring how the Groundhog Day Plan can jumpstart your business success and get you out of STUCK. But here at LLI, I want to explore something a little more personal.

Egos and Happiness.

For anyone living under a mushroom, the main character in Groundhog Day is Phil Connors, a conceited, egocentric character whose world revolves around his own selfish needs and desires. He is stuck reliving Groundhog Day over and over again until he can get it right, a process that takes him a very long time. The subject of just how long he has been stuck is a controversial topic, ranging from months, to a decade and even ten thousand years.

What is more important, is that the process is slow and repetitive for Phil, until he learns one very important part of the process.

It isn’t about HIM.

Poor Phil, (Who isn’t a very nice character for most of the film,) is so stuck in his own needs, sorrow and anger that he can’t see beyond it to true happiness and love.

He wants love and attention, but has no idea how to achieve his goal. He tries manipulation, lies, theft, and even suicide to relieve him of his painfully repetitive existence, and none of it works. He becomes bitter, despondent and downright pathetic before finally reaching out for help. Finally with a suggestion from Rita that he spend his time trying to improve himself and make the world a better place, he starts the long process of changing his life.

He has to put his ego, selfish needs and whining away and focus on how to bring about positive change and beauty into the world before any improvement starts to happen at all. He  learns to focus on helping others, and in doing so, finally learns how to help himself.

Are you ever guilty of Phil Connors type of behavior? Do you ever turn inward so much, focused on your stuff that you fail to see how you can serve others?

True happiness can be elusive when we are looking in the mirror. It is only by casting our focus outward, on the bigger picture, that we start to attract the kind of love and happiness we desired in the first place.

One of the things I love so much about this movie is that even a man as ego-driven, selfish and seemingly hopeless as Phil, has the power to make different choices and turn it all around. He is capable of change.

If he can do it, so can we. And it doesn’t have to take us years to do it either. We can start right now with one simple question.

How can you help someone else today?

Sometimes, it isn’t about what we add to our lives that creates the dream life worth living.

It’s about what—or who—we say goodbye to. It’s about stopping patterns—once and for all—the behaviors, thoughts, actions, situations, stuff and people that keep us stuck in our old life.

It’s about letting go.

• Letting go of bad habits, clutter, negativity, energy—drainers and time—wasters.
• Letting go of unhealthy food that keeps us stuck in a place of yuck.
• Letting go of people that make us sigh and try to make us feel bad about who we want to be.
• Letting go of projects and dreams that no longer fit the direction we want to go in.
• Letting go of routines and schedules that are overwhelming and pointless.
• Letting go of tarnished treasures that we have to hide away because they are old, ugly, rusty….or no longer serve a purpose.
• Letting go of excuses.
• Letting go of can’t.

It’s about saying goodbye.

What stops us from saying goodbye to the things—and people—that no longer serve us in a positive way? Why do we hang on longer than we know we should? Why do we stay stuck on an endless road of same—old—destructive habits when we can CLEARLY see what life could be like if we let go?

We hang on out of fear.

• Fear of hurting someone’s feelings
• Fear of wasting.
• Fear of change.
• Fear of lack.
• Fear of taking responsibility.
• Fear of failure.
• Fear of success.

What would it take for you to finally say goodbye and mean it? Would it mean saying goodbye to fear? Honestly, that is easier said than done. Being in a state of continual courage is exhausting and hard to sustain. We all are familiar with the middle of the night Fear Monsters that eat courage for a bedtime snack.

Perhaps another approach would be to acknowledge, accept and face the fear.

And then say goodbye anyway. The act of naming the fear, is like facing the monsters in the closet. When you shine the light on them, you find they are harmless. You find they were smoke screens—keeping you from seeing the truth.

Once we have faced, admitted and accepted our fears, it becomes easier to see the truth.

The Truth that we can say goodbye in a loving, proactive, thoughtful way that opens the door to better self-esteem, proactive actions, clarity, exciting adventures, more loving relationships and the dream life we desire.

Uncover your hidden fears and you will open the door to moving forward.

Is it time to say goodbye?

For me, goals are like candy in the candy store: there are always many more flavors than I can possible choose. And I always want them all.

But….I paired down my list, came up with a handful of the most important ones and sat back. Satisfied with a job well done.

Then on Christmas Eve, I tossed a proverbial hand grenade into my entire list.

I got a puppy.

A big, kissy, bitey, slobbery, pooping and peeing machine dressed in the most lovably soft fur ever. Little Molly is cuddly, fuzzy, sweet (when she is sleeping) and silly.  All I want to do is hold her, pet her,  laugh at her antics and give her tons of kisses.

Not exactly the most practical thing I could have done if my Goal list stuff was really my top priority.

What had I been thinking?

Sometimes, no matter how organized, efficient, or inspired to create we may think we are, our actions don’t align with what we say our top priorities are. The truth is, we are kidding ourselves.

My top priority changed on Christmas Eve. Now my number one priority is to cuddle with my puppy before she gets big.  I will only be able to hold her for a little while. A blink in my life time. Everything else has to fall under that somehow.

The Speed of Light and Priorities.

Along with a celebrating a new puppy, we have two milestone birthdays this month.  My oldest daughter, Tania, turns 35 and my youngest son, Michael, is turning 18. In both cases it feels like they were just born. I find myself sitting with tea in hand this month wondering where in the world time flew off to. I don’t feel like have gotten that much older, how in the world are they getting so old?!

I blinked, and my children have grown up. When I blink again, this tiny puppy will be a fifty pound dog.  When I blink again, the speed of light will have taken its toll once more. What things will I look back on and wish I had spent more time with? I know…from experience, that the thing I wish I had most is more time with my kids. I know that when they are little it feels like there is forever to enjoy them, but take it from a mom of thirty-five years, before you know it your kids will be grown and gone.

The Most Important Things…

My family and home—people and puppies included—are my TRUE number one priority. My health and fitness have to be my second priority because after all—as I was rudely reminded by an injury in August, without my health and fitness, I can’t enjoy my other priorities.

Business and the Never-ending To Do list…they have to fall in behind.

Here’s the thing. I don’t always behave as if those are my top priorities. In the past, I have spent the majority of my time on business, my To Do list and all my creative endeavors and let the rest of my time be a jumble of other priorities fighting to be squeezed in.

A Puppy Changes Everything.

• A puppy reminds me that our real priorities can’t be put aside for someday. A puppy reminds me that RIGHT NOW is her only chance to be a puppy and if I don’t want to miss it, I have to schedule the time to enjoy it—or lose it forever.
• A puppy reminds me to look around and ask, Is this task REALLY as important as I thought it was or can it wait for another day?
• A puppy reminds me that if I want to get my work out in, that I better get up in the morning and get out the door while she is still sleepy. She reminds me to make better choices with my time.
• A puppy reminds me to go to bed earlier. Because she will be waiting wide awake at the crack of dawn to greet me, whether I went to bed on time or not.
• A puppy creates discipline in my schedule and a truer alignment with all of my priorities.

So far this year, as a result of having a puppy, I am more organized than other years. I am planning better and sticking to schedules. I have to be—or face the mess of a poopy crate. THAT is motivation, let me tell you!

I am getting my family and puppy time in, I am getting my work outs done and behold….I am getting business work done too. More than ever—in a more compact, efficient way.

It feels like something just short of a miracle that I have more time than ever, but in truth, I am just spending my time more wisely.

I’ve always heard, “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” I think it’s true. When you don’t have much of time, you are less apt to waste it.

And I’m going to squeeze in all the puppy time I can, I don’t want to waste a drop.

This year, however, for the first time I couldn’t choose one word. There were three of them that circled around, whispering in my ear, “pick me, pick me, pick me…..”

One stood out, slightly ahead of the other two, and yet the other two wouldn’t back down.They argued their points and I was convinced. Clearly, I needed all three.

So this year…I chose three words. Unstoppable, Abundance and Serenity.

I thought that was pretty good. I was happy, satisfied and well on my way to charting out the course of 2012 with my intentions firmly in place.

Until I asked the very first question in my intention journal.

So HOW am I going to have an UNSTOPPABLE, ABUNDANT and SERENE 2012?

Hmmmm.

A new word popped right up and raised its hand. “Really?” I asked,  ”How many of you do I need, anyhow?”

This one was different, it explained. It wasn’t that it wanted to be a Word of the Year, it wanted to apply for the job of Word of the Year Assistant. 

“Assistant? My words needed an assistant? They need help to get me where I wanted to go this year?”

I peered closer at the little four-lettered word. Its name was RISK.

“And just what exactly do you think you can do to help my Words for this year, Mr. Risk?” I asked, peaking over my glasses.

The little word puffed up with courage and explained boldly. “You see, it goes like this. Without me—RISK—you can’t be unstoppable because every time a new challenge pops up, you will be tempted to chicken out and play it safe. My nemesis, EXCUSES will get in there and put a STOP to your UNSTOPPABLEness. And you know as soon as Ol’ EXCUSES shows up, there goes your ABUNDANCE too, because everywhere EXCUSES goes, he brings his buddy LACK with him.”

Mr. Risk shuddered as if he had seen a ghost. “Those two cause a heck of a lot of trouble for folks. Scary lot, them two.”

I had to admit, I was interested. I sat back in my chair to ponder. He had a point. In the past, every time I had been shut down and stopped from my goals, it was because I had given in to EXCUSES. And yes, I could point to several—many several times to be honest—that EXCUSES had led to LACK in my life.

But I was puzzled. “What you say makes a lot of sense, but I am confused about one little thing.” I leaned in closer, sure I had him figured out. “How is a little word like RISK going to bring me more serenity in my life? If you ask me, there doesn’t seem to be any serenity  at all when I’m taking risks, in fact, it can be hair-raising and terrifying!”

The confident little word beamed. He sat up even straighter and placed his hands calmly in his lap. “Ah,” he said, “you see, that is actually where I do my best work. It’s true that when you are taking risks, it can seem very scary and and alarming. But as you work through the risks, what you find is that you are stronger and more capable than you ever thought. You discover that you can accomplish more and receive more into your life than you ever dreamed possible. Abundance starts to appear more rapidly. And as you move into a state of Abundance instead of Lack, your fears begin to drift away. The frustrations that have plagued you melt away too. And in their place, you become filled with a state of serenity and peace. It all goes together perfectly well, don’t you think?”

I didn’t respond at first. I was speechless. The way he explained it seemed so easy and doable. I suddenly began to see how powerful the word Risk could be to my goals of being Unstoppable, and living a life filled with abundance and serenity.

In fact, not having him around was beginning to look like a recipe for disaster.

I stretched out my hand. “Mr. Risk, you are hired. Welcome to the team.”

Looks like it’s going to be an unstoppable, abundant, serene and risky New Year.

My To-Do list had lists of its own. Some items had been there for years. After awhile, my to-do list became more of a “Things I might just get around to someday” list than anything I actually felt I might complete.

I was overwhelmed. I needed a new system.

I created a simple system that works for me.

My system is a question. Every  time I sit down and answer it, my goals and priorities get crystal clear.

The One Single Question:

What is it going to take for me to feel  content and happy right now?

What I have discovered, is that on different days…months…even years, this answer has changed. I have discovered that the question needs to be asked frequently and with care.  If I don’t revisit the question with vigilant focus, I find myself reacting to past priorities that no longer fit. I may be in a habit of doing something that no longer works for me. I may be living unconsciously, or by a list of priorities that actually belong to someone else and not me.

I ask this question in both business and my personal life and compare notes. Some months, the thing that gets me revved up is a spell of creative writing, or a particularly successful business month knowing we made a difference in our clients’ lives. However, I have learned that no amount of business success will ever make me feel complete if my house is a mess and my family is being ignored, so I need to temper my business ambitions with my personal life.

Today, like I usually do, I asked the question to myself over coffee and journal time. The answer was a clear and resounding, “Enjoy a relaxed and serene holiday season with my family.” So what needs to change on my priority list for that to happen?

I take out my list of things I would like to get done, and write my new priority right at the top. Then, what are the things that need to occur for that top priority to be met. They are listed in order. Everything else that falls out of alignment with that number one goal are re-arranged, put on the back burner or looked at with a practical eye se to how else that task can get accomplished.

My mother has always said, “We can have  anything we want in this life, we just can’t have it all at once.” As much as we love to approach life like a kid at the candy store, double-fisted and grabbing all the candy we can, the best way toward happiness and contentment is to make sure we are filling the MOST IMPORTANT needs Right Now. We need to be practical and we need to be honest with ourselves.

What is it going to take for you to feel content and happy right now?