Life's Rewards (my meaningful blog)

Unseen Kindness

2011-11-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday all the kids had a great time: they all went out with friends, Olivia to go shopping and everyone else to go sledding. But the great thing about it all was what I understood after they got home:

Olivia was invited out by a girl at her school. As you may know, Olivia is mentally handicapped, so the fact that they did this is a real testament to their character... and it provides a great memory to Olivia who is extremely happy to have gone to the ballet, to McDonald's, and shopping together with someone.
Ella took Thomas with her because her friend has a little sister for him to play with. That was nice to see, but what was cool for them was the kindness of her friend's mom, who fed them hot chocolate and pizza and chips.

I didn't see any of this, but that makes it all the more valuable.

The Kids Are Playing Together

2011-06-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

We got a trampoline yesterday. It rained this morning, and it's a bit cold, but that's not stopping the kids from playing on it. But the greatest thing is that the three of them (Ella, Tolman, and Thomas) are all laughing and playing well together. It's been about 15 minutes and they haven't argued yet!

It's incredibly satisfying to watch.

Interactive TV

2011-03-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, PBS aired the Nova show "Making Stuff: Cleaner". The ads for these Nova shows looked interesting, with some technology journalist doing a colorful tour through some new developments; other editions were entitled "Stronger", "Smaller", and "Smarter." I don't really watch TV, I thought the boys might enjoy these.

So, after their bedtime at eight o'clock, I invited them in to watch. Tolman, age 9, is always interested in new stuff, so I figured it would hold his attention; Thomas, age 6, was a bit more questionable... would he actually stay and watch, or would he wander off or even distract us by trying to do something else?

It was fantastic. They would comment and ask questions from time to time; I hate that when watching movies, but this was exactly what I was hoping for. Halfway through, Thomas got a little blanket to cover himself and get comfortable, and Tolman joined us on the couch. They asked if we had any solar panels; Tolman's favorite parts involved the expanding foam made of food, the time-lapse decaying strawberries, and the way they processed "peas" (actually wheat) into plastic-like car parts.

And afterward, they went to right to their beds. Tolman asked if I knew that the sun is 93,000,000 miles from the earth and the moon is 250,000 miles away; he's into details like that. Then they both quietly read their books. Aaaaah. Now that's a good night.

Fresh Air and Conversation

2011-03-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Sunday, and I planned to do some of my own thing, but I wanted to at least show a little effort at being with the kids, so I did take a bit of time with each of them. (This is my weekly program of spending time about 30 minutes with each of them on Sunday.) I threw a bouncy ball with Thomas, but made it short. Then I went with Tolman out to his tree-house (actually a tree-platform right now); he likes to talk, and I mostly just listen. I actually ended up taking half-an-hour with him; I think being outside did me some good. Then I went in and woke up Ella who was still in bed; we talked for just a minute, and that was that. I also sat by Olivia for a minute and we reviewed the calendar for this week since she likes to know what's going on so she can remind us ad nauseum.

I ended up getting nothing of my own done.

So I'm sitting here reminiscing, and I realized what an accomplishment that was: to have a teen do nothing but lie in bed and talk with me is something I've got to appreciate. :-) I don't remember many specifics, but I believe the pleasant attitude of the day will linger somewhere in our memories for a while to come.

When a baby smiles at you...

2011-01-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine just told me that recently his one-month-old son "woke up, looked around, focused on me, and gave me a big smile. It was pretty awesome -- the first real smile I've seen where he was clearly smiling at me."

A Fun Mental Image

2010-11-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

From a friend on Twitter:

Sometimes, when I sneak in and kiss Cara on the cheek while she's napping, she'll smile in her sleep. #parenthood #rewards

A Rare Experience With A Baby

2010-09-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine posted the following on their Facebook account, which is something we don't get to enjoy very often:

"just experienced a baby fall asleep in my arms..."

An "Incredibly Beautiful" Baby

2010-09-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I don't often think newborns are very cute; it seems they're often a bit misshapen and funny-looking. Ultrasound pictures are even more strange: they're like some caricature of a person... unreal and alien.

It turns out I'm not the only one: a good friend of mine admitted he usually feels the same when he sees babies. However, he told me this because he and his wife had just gone in for an ultrasound, and he was actually touched when he saw the baby and its heartbeat. He found it to be incredibly beautiful.

I may never know that experience, but I'm convinced there's something special about it.

Diamonds in the Rough of Reality-TV

2010-06-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Got inspiration from a very unexpected source tonight: the reality show "So You Think You Can Dance". They're showing the best and the worst of the tryouts, which is usually either wildly comical or very impressive, but tonight there were two stories that were tremendously uplifting.

The first was a heavyset girl who danced extremely well despite her size. Unfortunately, she only made it one level in the competition and the judges were very honest about her career prospects, but they were very encouraging and even touched by her work.

The second was a young man from a bad neighborhood who admitted to being mocked when he first pursued a career in dance, but he's made the best of it and he did a fabulous job. As part of the story they interviewed his father, who admitted to being skeptical at first, but who whole-heartedly supports his son... and the rewards were obvious.

A Random Act for Olivia

2010-05-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

Last Friday we stopped at a convenience store with Olivia and Ellia, and after paying the guy behind the counter asked how I was related to the girls. After saying I'm their dad, he said he liked Olivia so he wanted to buy her a drink. He told her (and Ella) to get one of their frozen drinks, on him. I asked him why and he only said it was because he liked Olivia; I'm guessing it's because he recognized that she was handicapped and he wanted to give her something nice. Well, that was definitely very unexpectedly kind. Of course, neither Olivia nor Ella thought much of it and didn't adequately appreciate it. Too bad. You don't see that too often.

Yet Another Funeral

2010-04-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

I attended a funeral yesterday. I don't have much to say about it... all I have to say is that I saw genuine emotion in action, and that was cool. We were fortunate to hear from some very talented speakers and musicians. In the end, though, it was the tenderness in people's eyes and voices that made it such a soulful experience.

A Talk by Miss Utah 2007 Heather Anderson

2010-04-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

This is a classic case of an event which transcends words. I only wish I could adequately describe Heather's sunny and honest personality, or her obvious ease with kids, or the expert way she told her stories. Suffice it to say that it was a great pleasure to watch her draw the kids close to her and leave an impression on us all regarding the danger of drugs. Listen to her if you get the chance.

Thanks, Heather.

A Place of Silent, Intense Peace

2010-02-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went into a local Repartee Gallery to drop off a picture to get framed. The contrast was amazing: outside was a busy parking lot with talkative groups headed into the surrounding restaurants; inside was a refuge where art students were silently focused on their drawings. It startled me to find about 8 people in there, sitting in various positions around the room, so I stopped for a second at the threshold and some of them glanced up at me. Down to my left was someone sitting on the floor rather than in a chair; it was Nicole, my neighbor. We said "hi," and she pointed out her mother, another one of my long-time neighbors. They were all sitting quietly, each person doing a pencil drawing of a green pepper. The atmosphere was remarkable: it was a large room with fine art filling the walls, where a group of people all sat in silence, every one intensely focused on their creations.

It reminded me of a temple, one where every attendee was applying their full power of concentration, working independently but on much the same task. The word "reverent" even came to mind.

After respecfully breaking their silence and finishing my business, I walked out... but I paused outside the door, where there was a small fountain in the shape of a man cradling a huge fish in both hands and pouring water out its mouth. I savored that grand feeling of peace for another few seconds before continuing the rest of my chores.

Copycatting and Cross-Examining

2010-02-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

This year I started saying goodbye to my kids in the morning with, "Do something great today!" It's a small thing in the morning: I'm encouaging them to actively create their reality rather than passively hope good things will happen. I'm avoiding phrases like, "Have a good day."

Well, the other day I drove Ella and Tolman to school. They opened the doors to get out of the car, and before I could say anything Ella chimed "Do something great today!"

Ella has now asked me more than once when I get home, "What did you do great today?"

Heart Attack!

2010-02-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight someone doorbell ditched us; at first I thought it was Olivia coming home, but she never opened the door, so I checked and nobody was there. So then I thought it was young women (maybe with Olivia in the car) since they were out doing something together tonight... I saw a waiting car, and two kids finally ran over to it. So I went inside, turned off the porch lights, and then hurried outside and started running to catch the car. One person was still on the side of the road, and they then ran and jumped into the car and yelled, "He's coming! Go!" They took off, so I reached out and I almost touched the car as they sped away.

It was kind of funny to chase after them, but then I thought I may have spoiled their fun a bit. I went back inside and Lynnette asked, "Did they leave any hearts?" Duh. It's Valentine's this Sunday, so they would be doing a "heart attack," and sure enough there were some paper hearts taped to our door. Great. Lynnette made me feel extra bad: I may have scared the kids.

About 10 minutes later, I got a call from Andy, asking: was I mad at Ammon for doorbell ditching us? Ha! No way! I thought it was funny, and they got away from me just barely without me finding out who it was. He said they thought I was mad about it, and even Boone (their adult driver) thought I might have been upset, especially when I reached out to slap the car. I kept reiterating how I really thought it was funny and I thought they did a great job.

Great. I'm intimidating the neighborhood kids.

A bit later, someone came to the door and rang the bell; I went out thinking again it was Olivia but it was actually the boys who ditched us earlier. I am glad; it gave us all a chance to laugh about the whole thing.

It feels great that they'd value and trust us enough to give us a heart attack; it's doubly cool for them to come back later, just to check back in person and make sure everything's cool.

A Life Lesson in Financial Responsibility

2010-02-04T05:01:00.000-08:00

A coworker just told us that he is staying in a suite for a while. I was confused for a minute, curious why he was so happy about it... usually people only go to a hotel when something goes very wrong with their home! It turns out that he lives in a hotel; he has to live in one for a while longer until he pays off his last major debt, and then he'll finally have the credit for something more stable, like an apartment.

He told us how he's been trying to get things paid off for a long time. When he was first out of school, he was excited to get a credit card and used it freely; if he was on a date and the girl wanted something, it was easy to give it to her. No problem. But he mentioned that it's taken a long time to get rid of that debt. I thought about some people I know who have got themselves into debt early but haven't invested in an education or any long-term plans, so that debt becomes a burden for years.

So my friend at work is finally getting on top of his finances. And that is inspiring. It's awesome to see someone making plans and following through, making their lives that much better.

A Growing Girl

2009-11-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight Ellie came home from a party late at night. At first she didn't say much, and she went straight into her room to drop off her things. Then she came out and told us how they'd played foozball, and how we have got to get that game because it is SO much fun: there were about eight girls, so they'd each taken one of the handles and one side was BYU and the other was the U of U, and it was fun to play against each other.

The greatest thing, though, was watching Ellie talk. I can see the beginnings of a more mature young lady showing, one who has a lot of zest for life and friends and good times. Her natural beauty is more and more apparent, and it shines more brightly when she is exuberant and expressive. It was a joy to see.

Sleeping Beauty

2009-10-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

"Night. Fight. We fight all night." - Dr. Seuss

My boys stay up and fight with each other (and sometimes with their sisters in the next room) long past the time I put them to bed. If you'd like a personal experience, just ask my mom who has tried to sleep over at our house! But tonight, Thomas fell asleep early and I put him to bed alone... and then I had the rare opportunity to sit quietly and watch him undisturbed for a minute. A sleeping child must be the most peaceful and soothing image in the world.

Adults always have extra plans and expectations, even if just in the back of their minds; they have unspoken judgements or a veiled reluctance to fully invest their attention. In contrast, small children put their whole being into their actions and their expressions. While they're awake, they're 100% genuine; when they sleep, they put the day all behind them and their profiles reveal a gentle slumber that can calm the most troubled soul.

Tonight, I had the privilege of being touched by pure innocence.

Sharing a Shirt

2009-10-11T16:48:00.000-07:00

The other morning Thomas walked in wearing a red shirt and said, proudly, "Tolman let me wear his school shirt!" That was pretty amazing since they are pretty possessive about their clothing. I'm accustomed to hearing complaints from the girls about wearing each others' clothes, and maybe that's where the boys picked up the habit; whatever the reason, there are certain pieces of clothing which are their favorites and which regularly start fights between them.

Sure enough, Thomas was wearing the school shirt that Tolman got in kindergarten... which was perfect for Thomas now that he's in kindergarten.Then he said, "It's got Miss Smith on the back." Yep, her self-portrait is in the top-left corner, because Tolman had her back then, too.

He was so proud that you'd have thought he just won a game. And he's right: it is a big deal when your brother does something nice for you like that. And it's a big deal when one son does something nice for another son like that. I've got some praising to do.

Sweet, Sweet Cinnamon Rolls

2009-10-11T16:39:00.000-07:00

Lynnette is a fabulous cook; she has spent a great deal of time and effort creating dishes and finding what really works for her. However, she hasn't had much luck baking. This is too bad, because cookies and breads are my personal favorite. But, seriously, she has tried and mostly failed when making rolls and pastries.

One night last week I came home to the wonderful smell of rolls. Suddenly I remembered that she said something earlier about trying to make cinnamon rolls, and sure enough she had a few dozen there. They looked pretty good. They tasted pretty good. My kids loved them, and my sister-in-law and nieces loved them. They really were awesome.

And she was knew it. At one point she beamed from ear to ear and said, "I did it."

Pretty cool, eh!

I Was Trusted To Help

2009-09-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

It's not fun to be roused out of bed by the phone. And it's not fun to see someone you love hurting from pain and frustration. What is awe-inspiring is to be called at a late hour and be invited to see someone who needs aid... because that means that they think you are capable of providing at least some bit of help and comfort. It's touching, and more than a little humbling.

I hope I helped enough to honor their trust.

The Joy Of... Curriculum?

2009-08-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

Over a year ago, a friend of mine invited me to help out with her charter school. If you don't already know it about me: I love the whole academic scene, especially when it comes to kids. So I'd promised her I'd take a day to help out sometime.

Well, she contacted me the other day just to catch up, and she mentioned that she's starting computer classes for one of her schools. (Suddenly there's more than just one!) I asked if this was a good time for me to help out, and she said "yes," especially if I could come that week since the next week is when things really get busy. I could only do a half day; she said that would be fine, but we had a lot to do: train her on things like spreadsheets and RSS and podcasts and advanced features of word processing; design a curriculum for grades K-6; and get some of the library equipment going.

You know what? We did it. We did it all. We were rushed, but we basically demonstrated and outlined everything we needed in 4 hours. It's invigorating to accomplish something like that.

What's even better is the fact that she enjoyed it as much as I did. Turns out she was a bit apprehensive about the classes since she didn't feel particularly adept at computers, and she wasn't looking forward to training with me. But she's a great educator and of course she picked it up well, and we both had a great time. What a rush.

Thanks, Tina!

Good Conversation

2009-08-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

I took a break the other day with a friend and we chatted outside for about an hour, covering everything from business to politics to career choices to tech to fiction to local and world-wide social improvements... everything but religion, though that's been a part of other conversations together.

It's always uplifting to have a good, long conversation with someone close. There's something transcendental about sharing and learning with one another.

Help, Out of Nowhere

2009-08-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

So our Lake Powell trip involved 1 crippled houseboat (with only 1 working motor), 1 ski boat, and 21 people, only 1 of whom really knew how to drive the houseboat and run everything. That's Rob, and he spent the first day shuttling people back and forth from where the houseboat was parked. So of course that's when we got a good Lake Powell storm, one they said they experience only every few years or so. The wind started blowing hard, and it sent a canopy end-over-end on the sandy beach; our little Ellie ran and grabbed it, and then Abel and I took it apart to keep it from going further. I was kind of enjoying the change in weather, not thinking about what else might happen... until I saw the houseboat's back end pulling furiously on the ropes and threatening to rip free and plow into a houseboat on the other side.

Talk about sudden horror! Rob's 17-year-old daughter Ashtyn knows something about boats and we tried the best we could to keep it moored. We turned on our motor (Ashtyn's idea; thank heavens for her) and tried to get it to pull us back. I don't even remember what else we were doing; it was such a blur.

Then suddenly there were about 4 men helping out with the ropes, and coming on board to help get that back line tied tightly. Come to find out later they'd come from across the bay in their ski boat, braving the waves just to give us some assistance. Thanks to them we pulled our back line tight and maybe even pulled the whole boat into position. Besides the back-breaking, wet work, they got us to point the motor the correct way; turns out we had been making things worse by pointing in the wrong direction. Finally, we were set into place as good as possible, and the men left as suddenly as they came.

It took us a day to recover. The storm (combined with our work) pushed the boat up on the shore about 5 feet, and the back end was sitting low in the water. It took some digging and coordinated effort to get it pushed off the beach and into a good position. Things could have turned out much worse.

The next day, the men who helped came over asking for matches. We only had two boxes, and we couldn't afford to part with them.

Ha! I make joke.

---

This event is unlike most of the ones I record here: there was no strong feeling or grand revelation from the experience. There was simply a slow relief that came as the danger gradually subsided. But from time to time, I think back on these strangers' work and I feel a pleasant glow of appreciation. That's a treasure, and I'll always value it.

Wakeboarding FTW!

2009-07-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am now 40 years old. Let's pause for a minute while you pity me.

Yes, it is sad. I now have physical pains that are not healing. More and more often I injure myself such that I have to skip basketball, my favorite sport. I expect to live a long time, so it's going to get more difficult as I do even less strenuous activities. Sad, as I said. Another pause.

---

In last week's trip to Lake Powell, we took some of the older people to try out wakeboarding.

Wakeboarding is something I've always wanted to do but have repeatedly failed at. I believe I successfully water skied on two skis once for a few seconds in my early 20s, but it was choppy and just didn't seem like much fun to endure so much just to stay standing. Wakeboarding seems to allow much more variety with jumping and spinning around... and I hear that it's easier, which is attractive because I sure take a beating trying to get up!

The first to get up was Andreas, a young man who already knows how to do it. After him, Andreas (his Dad) tried a few times but couldn't get up. Then Abel and Karin tried; Karin knows how to waterski already, but she couldn't get up either. Then Emily (another teenager) tried; she'd never done it before, and she wasn't able to either. Tough day for wakeboarding.

I wasn't going to try since I was exhausted (from almost constant work and little sleep), but I figured I'd regret it if I didn't. Of course, I failed a few times, but thanks to Rob and Andreas' pointers, on about the third try I got up! It was fantastic! Sure, being up on the water was fun, though I couldn't wait even 15 seconds before trying something and falling down, and that was the last I got up. But the best part was just accomplishing something that had dogged me for so long. So, in the first immortal words uttered after I got up:

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!