LifeTwo blogs

Health Alert: Men at 40 Risk of Cardiac Death 1 in 8

Wesley — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:12:53 -0800

One of the worst manifestations of cardiac disease is sudden death and according to a recent study it is far more prevalent than once thought.

Researchers said men at age 40 in the U.S. have a one-in-eight chance of suffering sudden cardiac death over the rest of their lives, a stark indication of the toll cardiovascular disease exacts on society.

For women, researchers said, the risk is 1 in 24. The prevalence has long been of concern to heart and public-health experts, but lifetime risks for the condition haven't previously been estimated, researchers said.

Some 300,000 Americans a year suffer sudden cardiac death, an event generally defined as death resulting from coronary heart disease within an hour of the onset of symptoms. Heart attack is the most common cause, but valve disease, infections and heart-beat irregularities can also result in sudden cardiac death.

As terrifying as this is, the researchers noted, the danger is "largely preventable and include eating healthfully, quitting smoking and getting exercise as well as taking medicines when necessary to reduce blood pressure and cholesterol levels that are important risk factors for cardiovascular disease."

And despite the "sudden" nature of the problem there are usually warning signs preceding the attack giving the individual time to mitigate assuming they are recognized as such. This is an example where ignorance really can kill. Individuals should consult their medical professionals about anything that could be an indication of heart problems.

Source: WSJ May require paid subscription

Parental role models and us

Lisa — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:17:44 -0800

I'll cut right to the chase: I think my parents taught me that love is putting up with a lot of ill treatment and staying no matter what.

My own notion of love was that it would be like having a best friend and lover for the rest of my life, and we would have little problems but we'd adjust.

Sometimes I get a little of both in my marriage. Sometimes we find love, and sometimes we wonder what the hell?

I do better than my parents have done in terms of respect and communication, but sometimes I think I've done just as poorly in terms of resentment and blame as they have.

The difference is, I've learned to think about things that trouble me instead of looking for distractions. It doesn't mean I'm happier but I hope it means I'm working out some of my dharma or whatever.

HOW HAVE YOUR PARENTS TAUGHT YOU about marriage and how to get along in life?

Time to get organized: Buffet Time Management for Creative People

BFoster — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:25:38 -0800

You can usually spot a creative person because they seem lost and confused or doing too many things at once. Time management simply bedevils creative types. Whether it’s keeping focused on projects or just getting the stuff of life done, a bubbling cauldron of chaos is usually close at hand. Being creative myself, I’ve struggled with my own three-headed hydra: disorganization, distraction and bedlam. I’ve spent entire days wandering down blind alleys, doing things I really don’t have to do, goofing off and generally being unproductive. My meanderings come at the expense of doing things I say I really want to do, like writing this article. I developed a time management system that works for me and it might work for you. My system is like being at buffet, taking bit of this, doing a bit of that so at the end of the week you have some made some semblance of progress and you feel satisfaction, like after a good meal. If this sounds like something you need in your life, read on…

Benefits: The Buffet system is practical and flexible, yet simple. It not only keeps me focused on what I have to do, I easily manage multiple projects and goals and have the action steps to get me there. A secondary benefit is that it gives me is a sense of satisfaction that comes from feeling like I am in control of my time (excellent for keeping moping at bay). A third and for me, the most important advantage is that it keeps me productive while maintaining enough flexibility to be creative. A fourth benefit is that it helps keep me in balance, a dicey proposition at the best of times. Fifthly, I can easily pick out my priorities when I have them laid out in front of me.

Structuring Time (or not): Many people try to manage their time by getting structured, slotting in as much as they can in a day with their phone or computer dinging before every meeting. This might work for some people who feel they need a scary load of structure to be productive. In my experience being over-structured doesn’t work for creative types. Too much structure sinks the creative ship. One solution is to make lists. Lists are fine for the grocery store but unless you build in accountability and focus, they generally aren’t much help in planning your week. The Buffet method is excellent for maintaining progress toward your goals while staying open, flexible and creative. The system is bendy enough to give you flexibility to select what you feel like in a particular moment as long as it’s on the list.

Confession: Before we go too much further, I have to confess my assumptions and biases. First of all, I believe everyone is creative, whether you like it or not. Some people have been told they are not creative and sadly they believed it. Working as a creativity coach, I know this to be true. Anyone can benefit from the Buffet Time Management System if you are open minded enough to try it. Secondly I know that creativity flourishes when there is enough structure to support it, yet it dies a rapid death when there is too much structure. The Buffet system is a simple and flexible enough container to support my creative process and it can support yours too.

Solution: I enjoy making lists because it feels like I’m getting organized and taking a step toward actually doing things (which doesn’t always happen). What seemed to be missing is having over-arching goals that provide a clear focus for my action steps. So each week I find time to review my goals and projects and see what is coming at me next week. I do this on Sunday because it’s usually a quiet day with few obligations but you can do it any time as long as you keep up a regular schedule. I take a piece of paper but you can use a personal organizer, there is nothing magical about paper; my system works in any media. I write down all my goals, projects and aspects of my life that I need to keep balanced. My goals look like this: House Work Family Self Friends Creative Week Project TV proposal These are the goals and projects I’m juggling this week. Now comes the fun part. I think of what action steps I need to take in order to maintain a balance and move all these goals forward. Your set will undoubtedly look different. Note: If you are the sort of person who has a tendency to neglect your own needs, you want to make sure Self is on the list. “Self “for me, generally means how I support myself (more about that later).

List: Now make a list down the left hand side of the sheet. This is where you write your action steps for each goal/project. If you extrapolate each goal and project into a few steps you can reasonably do this week you will have a nice step of steps for your week as well as an intention to work toward that goal. The essential thing to remember is to break each goal into actionable steps; so you don’t write DO TAXES on the list. Doing your taxes would be a project with a number of small steps unless you are the sort of person who hands your accountant a shoe box full of receipts, in which case” Taking shoe box to accountant” is your action step. I’ve left some room at the bottom right for phone calls I need to make in a week, but you could use it for anything else like sending emails, following up, doing research, and so on. Download a free template at: http://giantstepscoaching.com/articles/buffettemplate.pdf

An Example of Self Neglect: As I mentioned, I tend to neglect my needs. Exercising is one activity that slips off my plate. So one of my action steps is to join the Y. I also have to do the laundry and shopping this week so I will remember to slot them in. I have made a note to write this article and as you may have noticed, I am busy doing it right now. I don’t always leave time to read so I have granted myself quality time with a good book. This is how I use the system to help me stay balanced. I don’t forget about my own needs and put other needs before them. If you would like to have a better example of how I fill out my template, go to http://giantstepscoaching.com/articles/buffetexample.pdf and download it.

Using an Agenda: If you use an agenda (which I think is essential), the next step is to pencil in a few of the larger items in the big spaces and use your list of smaller things as a buffet table when you only have small chunks of time. Look for list items that are time-sensitive and make sure you get those done on the right day. As some items are higher priority than others, they will jump out at you. Make sure you get them done first. If something important comes up during the week, add it to the list so you don’t forget about it. If your agenda is too full to accommodate the buffet, then my system won’t help you. I could recommend some good therapists.

Having your cake and eating it too: The idea is to get as much of your list crossed off by the end of the week. It’s important to remember that you only have so much time so don’t crowd your plate. This is how the system is like a buffet. Pace yourself; don’t be greedy, although if you are clever you can still have two desserts. Slow and steady wins the race. If you are finding you are finished your list before the end of the week, you probably have more time than you think and you can afford to generate more items. Cross off anything you get done. Items that are still not done at the end of the week should be added to your list next week. If I have a particularly unstructured day I like to make a sub-list of things I want to achieve that day. With a teensy bit of effort, you can be more productive and still be creative.

If you have any questions or comments about my system, you can reach me at my blog at www.bradleyfoster.wordpress.com and I will answer you. You can also download a template of the paper version I use from: http://giantstepscoaching.com/articles/buffettemplate.pdf

Blogging Boomers Carnival # 139 is at Don't Gel Too Soon

Wesley — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:04:57 -0800

This week's BloggingBoomers is at Don't Gel Too Soon. Follow the link to find a variety of interesting posts relating to surviving and thriving the midlife years. For our part we contributed this.

Not Feel Good Ending: When Medical Crises Hit, Men Leave, Women Stay

Wesley — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:32:46 -0800

The recently release study "Gender Disparity in the Rate of Partner Abandonment in Patients with Serious Medical Illness" sheds some disappointing light on "partner abandonment"--the term for separation/divorce during a period of serious illness and the role that gender plays.

Specifically the study focused on the comparative differences on the separation/divorce rate when the husband or wife is diagnosed with cancer or multiple scierosis. The good news is that the overall rate among cancer patients (11.6%) is no higher than that of the general population. The not-so-good news is that there is such a wide differential depending on the gender of the patient. The study found that a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient. When the woman is the patient the divorce/separation rate is 20.8% but when the man is the patient the rate drops all of the way down to 2.9%. It appears that women stand behind their man but the opposite isn't so true.

The study's author's speculated on the reasons why men were so much less likely to stick with a sick spouse but determining such causes was not the focus of the research.

The study also found correlations between age and length of marriage and the likelihood of divorce or separation. The older the woman was the more likely her partnership would end. However, longer marriages remained more stable.

Source: Medical News Daily

Blogging Boomers Carnival # 138 is at the Boomer Chronicles

Wesley — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:35:59 -0800

This week's BloggingBoomers blog carnival returns home to where it all started, our co-founder in it, The Boomer Chronicles. This weeks collection of 10 midlife blogging sites features topic that range from midlife sex (that was our contribution) to creating a strategic plan for the rest of your life. If you are interested in expanding your horizons (and who is not?) this is a particularly good week to visit The Boomer Chronicles.

Book Review: "The Whole Food Guide to Strong Bones"

Wesley — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:36:14 -0800

Most people can tell you what foods are good for a healthy heart and which foods will mess with one's blood sugar. But bone health, which becomes increasingly important as we age, generally gets much less attention beyond knowing that calcium supplements should be taken. This general lack of understanding can be problematic in light of the significant dangers of unhealthy bones--osteoporosis, fractures, and other maladies. Bones are also inherently complex, not only are they the structures that literally hold us up but they also repositories of vital minerals that our bodies depend on for functioning.

Annemarie Colbin's "Whole-Food Guide to Strong Bones: A Holistic Approach" sets out to teach readers about the risks of bone loss, medication/hormone therapies, special bone strengthening exercises and food recipes for bone health. Underlying Colbin's approach is an emphasis on eating whole (that is unprocessed) foods. In the author's own words, "Eating well is the best preventive medicine."

The book is available from Amazon and other book retailers.

Amazon Link: The Whole-Food Guide to Strong Bones: A Holistic Approach

One Treatment for Midlife Crisis: Healthy Food?

Greg — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:30:13 -0800

Here at LifeTwo we believe that 'midlife crisis' is often a normal depression that happens in midlife. So anything that reduces the risk of depression also reduces the risk of midlife crisis.

New research from the UK suggests that eating well -- fresh vegetables, fruit, and fish -- reduces the chance that you'll have depressive symptoms. On the other hand, a diet high in processed and fatty foods increases the odds that you'll feeling depressed.

A team from University College London, writing in the British Journal of Psychiatry, is said to be the first work to look at the relationship between overall diet -- rather than specific nutrients -- and depression. The found that the 1/3 of people who were closest to the best diet were 26% less likely to be depressed five years later than the 1/3 with the worst diet. High consumption of processed food was associated with a 58% higher risk of depression symptoms five years later.

The researchers removed the effects of age, gender, education, smoking, exercise levels, and chronic diseases.

Possible explanations for the effect include:

fruits and vegetables are high in antioxidants, which have been shown to lower the risk of depression
fish contains certain fatty acids which may protect the neuron membranes in the brain
the variety of nutrients in a 'whole food' diet may have an overall benefit

The flip side of this is that processed foods increase the risk of coronary artery disease and inflammation, both of which are associated with depression.

What could be wrong with this study? For one, it's survey-based, so people who eat better may simply feel better about themselves than people who eat poorly and know it. For another, the study can only report the relationship between diet and depression, and not prove causation -- it's possible that depression leads to poor diet, although the study looked at diet first and depressive symptoms five years later. And while the researchers statistically removed the influence of smoking and the other variables listed above, there could be an unknown lifestyle factor that explains the differences. Also, the survey population, though large enough, was a demographically narrow group of white London-based civil servants.

Nonetheless, to the many reasons to follow a health diet, add one more.

--- Sources and further reading:

UK National Health Service: "Processed Food and Low Mood"

Medical News Today: "Researchers Say Healthy Diet Protects Against Depression In Middle Age"

OnMedica: "Depression Linked to Junk Food Diet"

Guardian: "Mediterranean diet 'can help stave off depression'"

British Journal of Psychiatry: "Dietary pattern and depressive symptoms in middle age" (abstract)

If Having Sex Meant You Were Married

Dating Goddess — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:01:12 -0800

I attended a lovely Jewish wedding last weekend. The bride was resplendent and the groom handsome as they stood under the chupah in front of the rabbi (the bride’s father) and the cantor (her god-father). Outside at sunset, the family and friends stood ringing the couple on the grass. The cantor’s sweet singing, including a song he wrote for the bride, soared in the crisp evening air. Candle luminaria lit the lawn on which we all stood, and a lone guitarist strummed entrance and exit music.

I’d arrived early, and my friend (the bride’s mother), showed me and another couple the quaint sleeping rooms in the inn where the ceremony and celebration were held. In showing me the bridal suite, she mentioned that in traditional or Biblical Jewish tradition, when a couple has sex they are then considered married.

Wow!

I spewed out, “Crap! How many men would I be married to then? And can I get alimony?”

But my smart-aleckness aside, it made think how we would approach dating sex differently if doing the act meant we were then married.

Sex – even in midlife – has a broad spectrum of acceptability. One study in the UK showed half the over-40 dating women said they’d be willing to have sex on the first date. Others, like Steve Harvey, say no sex for 3 months. Some people won’t have sex until engagement or marriage. I’m not here to tell you what you should do.

But imagine how you might shift your feelings about when to have sex if doing it meant you were married to the man. That would certainly put the kibosh on booty calls and casual sex.

Thinking of sex with this gravity makes me realize there are very few men with whom I would have been intimate. It puts a whole new spin on the significance of sex.

How would you have led your life differently if having sex meant you were then married? How would it affect how you date now?

_____________________

If you’d like to explore issues relevant to midlife dating sex, order your copy of "From Fear to Frolic: Get Naked Without Getting Embarrassed." http://www.DatingGoddess.com

Book Review: "Be The Change"

Wesley — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:51:36 -0800

Though ancient, the practice of mediation is enjoying significant contemporary popularity. But can meditation help with midlife and/or marital woes (the subject of this site)? Authors Ed and Deb Shapiro of "Be The Change" believe it can be applied to these and just about every other aspect of life. The Shairo's cover the topic via observations of over 100 meditation practitioners. Sources include celebrities such as Ed Begley, Jr., Ellen Burstyn, Jane Fonda, Kitaro, Lindsay Wagner, and many others.

The result is 300 pages of lessons, observations, and anecdotes addressing the practice from all possible points of view. Beginners might yearn for a more "how to" approach to the subject. But the approach that the authors have taken provides far more insight into what one can accomplish with meditation and the impact it can have on society as a whole--noting that change may start with the individual but it doesn't necessarily stop there.

From an article supplied to us by the authors:

Mahatma Gandhi famously said, "You must be the change you want to see in the world." In other words, change has to start within ourselves; we cannot expect the world to change if we do not. If we want to have more love in our lives, we must become more loving; if we genuinely want to end terrorism and to bring real and peaceful change to the world, then we must start by ending the war within ourselves.

This brings us to the importance of contemplation and meditation. Without such a practice of self-reflection, we are subject to our ego's every whim, and we have no way of putting a brake on its demands. Meditation, on the other hand, gives us the space to see ourselves clearly and objectively, a place from which we can witness our own behavior and reduce the ego's influence. We get to know the madness of our monkey mind and until it loses its hold. Only then do we have a genuine opportunity to change.

Amazon Link: Be the Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and the World

Blogging Boomers Carnival # 137 is at Fabulous After 40

Wesley — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:36:49 -0800

The BloggingBoomers Carnival is a collection of fun and interesting lifestyle posts from some of our fellow bloggers who author some of the best boomer blogs on the net. This week it is being held at Fabulous After 40. Follow the link, discover and enjoy.

The Happiness Project Book is Almost Here

Wesley — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:34:06 -0700

We all want to be happy but how exactly does one go about becoming happy? This is a particularly vexing question because there are so many different, and sometimes conflicting, approaches to maximizing one's happiness. In response, Gretchen Rubin took a year of her life to test-drive the different theories using herself as both a guinea pig and a sample size of one. The result is her new book, "The Happiness Project":

Rubin weaves together philosophy, scientific research, history, analysis, and real-life experiences as she explains what worked for her—and what didn’t. Her conclusions are sometimes counter-intuitive – for example, she finds that money can buy happiness, when spent correctly – but they resonate with readers of all backgrounds.

Rubin's upcoming book promises to contain the same engaging and insightful writings (and tips) that have made her so popular in the blogsophere.

Amazon link for ordering (or pre-ordering): The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

BloggingBoomers Carnival #136 is at Contemporary Retirement

Wesley — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:41:47 -0700

This week's installment of BloggingBoomers is at Contemporary Retirement. Follow the link for find a collection of interesting articles collected from participating blogs all dealing with midlife living.

Fast Times for Jobless Athletes

Wesley — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:28:26 -0700

An interesting artifact of the recession has been that millions of week-end warriors have being able to become "weekday warriors" as well leading to faster running times, better jump shots, and heavier bench pressing. Last summer the Wall Street Journal noted "with the economy in the doldrums, more people are discovering that without those 12-hour workdays, they're able to pursue fitness goals like never before. Marathons, triathlons and road races are filling up in record time."

The Journal further noted anecdotal evidence that laid-off runners are actually pushing down race times. Using one measure (the number of races qualifying for the Boston Marathon), there was a 39% increase over 2008.

Training while unemployed has a number of benefits. It provides structure, confidence and of course better health. You don't have to do a marathon but it goes without saying that you should do something health-related with your new found time.

Source: WSJ

Lost Your Zest? Get It Back! by Chloe JonPaul from her book "Entering the Age of Elegance"

Chloe JonPaul — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:02:03 -0700

“The most creative force in the world is a post-menopausal woman with zest.” ~ Margaret Mead Lost Your Zest? Get It Back! Many years ago, I heard a sermon that focused on attitude. The part I especially remember dealt with how a person can greet a new day. One can say: “Good God! Morning! or “Good morning, God!” The latter appealed to me as a solid expression of a certain zest for life. Until then, I hadn’t thought about whether this quality was apparent in my own life. Since then, I have become more aware of its presence, not only in my life but in the world at large. Unlike patience, perseverance, and empathy, zest does not depend upon certain circumstances to induce it. It is free-form and uninhibited; suited to every moment and purpose. It is the “how” of intense, vigorous A pursuit of what is at hand: challenging the uncharted sea or simply smell- ing the roses. Zest is the hallmark of athletes and mystics; prophets and politicians. 93 It deals with the manner and intensity in which things are done. It is not confined to any particular ethnic group. Yet, there are groups who exhibit it with a particular flair. Consider the Greeks and their wild plate- smash- ing spectacles at a party. Plate-smashing for them is a fine indicator that a good time was had by all. Have you ever watched Polish youth as they stomp and shout through their endless polkas? Such revelry! Such gusto! Such zest! Religion and history are studded with personalities who displayed zest. You can work your way through the Old Testament and David with his marvelous psalms to St. Francis of Assisi with his passionate Canticle to Brother Sun and find zest. Alexander the Great ruled with it. And what about the Vikings and Columbus? Surely they explored with it. Our Pil- grim Fathers, Revolutionary heroes, and western pioneers fashioned our country in a spirit of zest and passion for life. Zest can be readily identified in theatrical productions. Who can for- get the brawny, lusty Zorba in Zorba the Greek or Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof with his rendition of “To Life”? The relish for life comes through in the paintings of such masters as Delacroix and Toulouse-Lautrec. Their style, color, and subject matter re- flect a keen enjoyment of what they observed and perceived. One’s spiritual life can be lived with zest as well. That venerable Bene- dictine monk, Dom Hubert Van Zeller, had the formula for it in his book, We Die Standing Up. Sports and zest are easily correlated. We see it on the tennis courts, on the football fields, and across the land with countless Little League players. There is a myriad of musical compositions that must be played with zest: Italian tarantellas, Jewish horas, national anthems, and military marches. The Madison Avenue guys and gals have cornered the market and popularized it in their commercials. The Pepsi generation drinks with it; Old Milwaukee Beer fans go whaling with it; and odor-conscious people shower with it. Life without zest is drab and uninviting; with it, satisfying and colorful. Those persons who cultivate it are blessed with gratification in all that can be felt and accomplished in the daily celebration of life.