Inside Girls' Ministry

Summer Series #2--The Best of...

2012-05-31T13:00:00Z

This blog was written almost three years, but it shows up consistently as one of the most viewed pages on our site. I'm convinced of its truths now more than ever...

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Texting as the New Addiction

Let me first give this disclaimer: I am not a liscenced therapist. Nor do I have any advanced degree in psychology.

That being said, I am becoming increasingly convinced that this generation of teens (especially girls) faces a new addiction: texting.

First, I see it in the teen girls I encounter on a regular basis. My husband is a high school girls' volleyball coach, which means I'm involved with girls' volleyball. I have watched over the last few years an increasing dependence and attachment to cell phones. Between warm-ups and the match, the girls make a beeline over to their bags to check to see if they have any message. Same thing after the match. I've even seen girls bring their cell phone chargers to the gym and plug them in between games. I've also seen girls asking other girls (managers or those out with an injury) to check their messages for them.

Seriously. What can happen in the course of a volleyball game that would require that sort of diligence?

I see it in girls who text during movies, during class (my husband tells me about these), and even during worship service and Bible study.

Secondly, I watched a video recently that highlight the dangers of texting while driving. (WARNING: It is extremely graphic!) What is more interesting to me than the actual video are the comments left by teenagers. If you can get past their crude langauge (WARNING: it is VERY graphic), underneath you will see a common thread: denial that texting while driving is a real problem.

Thirdly, I was in a meeting with my student ministry team yesterday. During the course of that meeting, we watched a short Dr. Phil video clip in which a girl is confronted about her texting behavior while driving. Please understand, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan. But on this particular issue, he was spot-on right.

While I appreciated what he had to say to her, I really don't think she will stop texting and driving. Why? Because much of her language and her own admissions sound very much like someone who is an addict. In case you are unable to view the clip (which I highly recommend), I noted several of her statements:

"I don't think anything will happen to me when I text and drive because I feel like I'm a good enough texter." (how many alcoholics think they can hold their alcohol and drink and drive?)
"I wouldn't say that I lie to my mother, I would say that I exaggerate when I say I never text [and drvie]." (how many drug addicts lie about their behavior?)
"I honestly don't think there's anything that can make me stop texting." (how many sexual addicts have this same attitude?)

Now, keep in mind that this girl has had her license for only four months. In that time period, she hit a curb and did $3000 damage to her car. She hit a guard rail (she said it was a little, tiny, scratch.) She got a ticket for doing 80 in a 55 because she was texting and lost track of her speed.

In another instance, she nearly hit a person on the street while her sister was in the car (she was texting at the time). Her response? "It wasn't that close."

Really. Ask the person you nearly ran over. How close does it have to get?

Did you catch the signs of addiction in her conversation, language, and attitude?

Lying about the behavior. Doing activities that put you and others at risk of harm. Difficulty in cutting down or controlling the behavior. Frequent engagement in the behavior to a greater extent over time. An "I don't care" attitude.

Please understand, I am not on a personal crusade against this girl. I don't even know her name. I am concerned because she's not the only girl with this problem. She's just the one who was willing to talk on camera. Hers is not an isolated case. She's just one in thousands.

In student ministry, we often talk about addiction—drugs, alcohol, and even pornography if we're bold. But how many of us have conversations with our students about an addiction to the cell phone? Is this an ongoing conversation that we need to be having with our girls? Do we need to begin to look for signs in our students that show an addiction to texting, just like we are on the lookout for pornography usage or alcohol usage?

I understand that girls text each other because they're relational and they want to stay connected with others. I'm a girl, too. I've been guilty of texting when I should have been paying attention in a meeting (My apologies, Scott). I understand that this is the way they communicate.

But somewhere, somehow, responsible adults (including parents) need to draw a line in the sand and say, "enough." We need to recognize that texting can cause more harm than good in some situations. Somehow, we need to figure out how to strike the balance between ministering to students in channels they use (like texting devotions or reminders about Bible study), and becoming part of the problem.

If girls (and guys) cannot unplug and be quiet long enough to hear from God, then we've done a disservice to them as their leaders. We have not helped them grow as disciples who love Jesus—more than their cell phones.

Summer Series #1--The Best of...

2012-05-29T13:00:00Z

Hands down, this blog has been the most popular we've ever posted. Thanks, Nic, for your contribution:

Today's guest blog comes from Nic Allen, writer and pastor who lives in Tennessee. He does girl's ministry every day because he lives his life surrounded by females. He is Susan's husband and dad to Lillie Cate and Nora Blake. Plus they have an old lady Cocker Spaniel named Molly and a fish called Boo who is probably a girl, too.

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A Dad's Take on Modesty—From a Beach Trip

In March, I had the privilege of spending a week in Panama City serving alongside some amazing college students from all over the country at a LifeWay event called Beach Reach. My role was to speak to college students as they prepared to share Christ in practical ways with their peers—spring breakers looking for all manner of MTV-style fun. God moved and the experience was fruitful.

As a pastor, (12 years in kids/student ministry), I was alarmed by what I saw. As a dad of two beautiful daughters and one unknown baby on the way,, the word “alarmed” doesn’t quite cut it. I felt burdened for the young women we encountered. The clothing and the behavior was something for which no amount of life experience could have prepared me. Here are some truths I’ve picked up that I believe will help us raise young women who find their worth in Christ and not in worldly pleasure.

1. You start out as you intend to go. A bikini at age 7 may be cute. At age 17, “cute” isn’t what the manufacturers desire. Consider modesty before you think it matters. Let’s get candid. A great deal of popular swimwear today covers less than most women’s undergarments. If you wouldn’t let your daughter go in public wearing just panties and a bra, why do swimsuits get a bye? I’ve been told countless times by parents of preteens that they have no control over what their daughters wear. Be warned. We lose the privilege of speaking into what our daughters choose from their closets when we forfeit our role of setting boundaries with what they choose from the store. Parents, set shopping guidelines early and stick to them.

2. What we wear says something about who we are. In today's culture, the world wants girls to believe that what you wear is about you and that you bear no responsibility in how someone else responds to it. Scripture says something different. If we cause a brother to stumble, it’s a sin. (1 Cor. 8:9) As leaders and parents, we have to call girls to a standard of maturity and responsibility when it comes to the way that they (knowingly or unknowingly) seek attention from guys by wearing provocative clothing. They need to understand that boys can’t see Christ in them if they (girls) are baring all.

3. Purity is the product of holiness, not the pursuit of it. We don’t achieve holiness by being pure. We maintain our purity by pursuing holiness. Many times in ministry, I’ve been asked, “how far is too far?” I always responded in the same way. “That is the wrong question.” What you’re really asking is, "How close I can get to sin without actually sinning?" What we all should ask is how close we can get to Jesus. If our aim is getting close to Christ, the question of boundaries becomes less about avoiding sin and more about being like Him. Leaders, spend less time on discussions of purity and modesty and more time on holiness. If we teach them to pursue holiness, then both purity and modesty will be guarded.

I Think Beth Moore Would Approve

2012-05-24T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Leslie Hudson, girls' ministry leader, speaker, and mom, who lives outside of Nashville, TN.

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I’ll never forget the first time I heard Beth Moore teach.

I had joined a women’s Bible study at a church right after I got married and moved to a new town. I thought the Bible study would be a way to meet some women and get involved in the church.

The snacks, fellowship, and discussion were good. But I was mesmerized, enthralled, sitting on the edge of my seat during the video. I snuck out the back door as soon as it was over because I thought I would burst with emotion if I spoke aloud to anyone.

I jumped in my car, tears streaming down my face, and drove home. I asked God, “What was that? How does she know all that? How does she teach like that?” I wanted to know the Bible like she did; I wanted to share with others like she did; and—most of all—I wanted to love Jesus like she did.

Skip ahead a dozen years or so, and I still love to hear Beth’s teaching. I strive to know and love God’s Word as deeply as she does. But in the process of meditating on mounds of Scripture and poring over passages every morning, I’ve found myself in the middle of an all-consuming, powerful, not-gonna-let-you-go relationship with Yahweh God. Beth inspired me to dig into the Bible, but only God could pull me closer to Himself.

So as I lead my girls weekly, I remind myself: I can’t pull them to God. But, through my words, my actions, my attitude, my prayers, my teachings, and my love, I can inspire them to pursue Him for themselves. I can show them what a real relationship with Jesus looks like. I can challenge them to know Him personally. I can show them how to love God and His Word.

And I think Beth would approve.

Does Girls' Ministry Ever Leave You Puzzled?

2012-05-22T15:34:56Z

Today's blog comes from Katie Headley, Director of Junior High Girls Ministry at First Baptist Orlando, Florida. Katie felt called into ministry as a seventh grader and answered that calling full-time in August of 2010. Katie’s heart’s desire is to help middle school girls come to know and have an all-satisfying relationship with Jesus that overflows into every aspect of their lives and how they live.

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Say I were to give you a puzzle piece from a 500 piece puzzle without showing you the box that it came in. You had no picture of what it should look like, but I asked you to tell me what the big picture was. You might be able to tell me pieces of what is in the big picture based on what you see in your little piece, but you wouldn’t be able to tell me what the whole thing would look like. You may assume that it is a garden with a pond based on the flowers and water on your piece, but unless you have the big picture you have no idea.

Too often this is how I approach girls ministry. I get in my mind what MY girls ministry is going to look like based on my little piece of the puzzle and begin to plan and pray according to that small piece. Instead of waiting on His timing, I begin forcing pieces to fit and attempt to shape what I think the big picture is going to be. Instead of being left with a beautifully completed puzzle, I am left with a far-from-completed, massive mess.

Lately I have been learning to enjoy the process of letting Christ put the pieces together. Instead of forcing things to fit and running ahead with the little information that I have, I can let Him reveal the big picture piece by piece and allow Him to work in HIS girls ministry by putting the pieces together in HIS timing. Instead of looking at the little puzzle piece that I have, I am learning more than ever to look to the One who holds the puzzle box with the big picture. This leaves me encouraged and relieved that I am not in this alone, because His big picture of what girls ministry is going to look like is a lot more beautiful than what I could ever imagine.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Quick tips for sharing your faith

2012-05-16T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Christy Dyer, WMU Ministry Specialist at the Tennessee Baptist Convention. When she's not traveling for her job, you can find her watching movies, watching or playing sports, or getting lost in deep conversations.

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I’m a big fan of evangelism, but I’m also a big fan of simplicity. So much of our lives are complicated, but the saving power of Jesus’ name is not complicated at all, and there are some very simple ways to share the Good News of salvation! Here is one:

What if we simply told our story?

What if the next time we are at the mall or at Starbucks, we find a new friend and share the story of how we came to know Christ and the difference it has made in our lives? What if we encouraged our girls to do the same? It’s simple, here is my story.

My life before Christ was empty. Although I was a child I knew I was missing and important piece. I had committed sin that I knew as wrong. That sin had made things in my life difficult. One morning during a church service, I heard the pastor talking about how sin separated us from God. In the car on the way home I asked my parents what that meant. They explained that because I sinned I could not have a relationship with Jesus without forgiveness of that sin. I wanted that forgiveness and relationship with Jesus so I prayed asking God to forgive my sins and lead my life. From that moment on I felt that emptiness filled. I knew the love and acceptance of Christ as my Savior. I knew my sins had been forgiven and that my life would now be lived for Christ. This relationship has led and directed my life, decisions about college, career, and relationships! No matter what the world throws my way I don’t have to face it alone! I have a heavenly Father to go to with my hurts, pains, and questions. Now my life is filled with joy each day that nothing can separate me from.

Your story may look similar or completely different but regardless it’s worth sharing. The beauty of the Gospel is that the Holy Spirit is at work, seeking and saving the lost (John 6:44; John 16:8). Our story may be one of many touches or it may be the touch that the Holy Spirit uses to lead a person to accept a personal relationship with Christ. We aren’t responsible for that part, we just need to share.

Use these simple steps to write your story, as well as encourage girls to write out their story.

1. Make it short (2 to 5 minutes should be enough)

2. Start with what life was like without a relationship with Christ

3. Next tell about when you made the decision to follow Christ

4. Follow it up with what your life is like now

5. Practice with a friend, then go out and share!

Who can you share your story with?

How do you mend a broken heart? Or helping girls through breakups

2012-05-14T13:00:00Z

Today's entry comes from Micky McCloud, girls' ministry leader and blogger extraordinaire. You can check out her other entries on this blog.
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I am a proud recovering boy-band fanatic. You see, I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, home of the famous Hanson brothers. I will never forget the first day I ever saw Issac, Taylor (sigh) and Zach at the Tulsa State Fair. Say what you will about their long blonde hair, I couldn’t take my eyes off of them! I managed to get an autographed poster that day, one that might have actually been worth some money, but I guess a poster with a thousand hot pink lipstick kisses isn’t exactly E-bay worthy, is it? I think Taylor Hanson might have been my first love, with my 7^th grade boyfriend coming in close at second, although I spent the majority of middle school hiding from him in the bathroom…

I might have been scared of boys, but I couldn’t wait to have a boyfriend in high school. I wanted the kind of ‘romance’ I saw every week between Corey & Topanga on Boy Meets World (and all of you are saying, "I remember them!), and I was always certain my Corey had to be right around the corner. And sure enough, he was. When I entered high school, I met the ‘perfect boy’. We formed the perfect ‘youth group couple’. He was smart and fun and I didn’t even care that he still wore braces! I fell hard and fast, and before I knew it, I was in love. I clung tight to the identity he gave me, and when we broke up after two years, I was completely devastated. I had no idea who I was. I had no desire to wake up in the morning, nor did I have any purpose or dreams for the future. I have memories of collapsing on the couch and hoping I wouldn’t wake up. It seem so ridiculous to me all of these years later, but I know that for a season, it was absolutely the only thing that mattered to me.

I remember vividly the day I decided to talk to someone. I called my youth minister, a man who I treasured as a spiritual mentor, and I asked if we could talk. In a completely broken state, I poured out my heart and asked for advice. He listened. He soaked in every word that came out of my mouth, and took his time before speaking truth to me. I remember saying, “I know this sounds stupid. I know I must seem like such a silly girl”. He looked me in the eyes and said, “Mickey, you are not stupid. Whatever is important to you is important to me”. At that moment, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. Someone listened to me, and he didn’t think I was crazy!

As I took a few breaths and soaked in his affirmation, he continued to reiterate my value, the potential he saw in me, and how much Jesus loved and cherished me. He told me that I had a distinct purpose and role I needed to play in the Body of Christ. My entire outlook changed after our conversation. Although I’m sure I cried many more tears and ate many more pints of ice cream, I began to look at my circumstances differently. Our conversation launched me into a season of questioning who I was, who I wanted to be, and what role God had for me to play in the Body of Christ. He chose not to patronize me because of my age, or the ridiculousness of my high school relationship. He chose to take an 18 year old girl’s broken heart seriously, and that was powerful for me.

Years later, my identity is no longer wrapped up in the love of that boy, but rather in the love of Christ. I am privileged to work in an environment that seeks to help other women find their identity in Christ. My youth minister never could have imagined the ways his words would continue to mold and determine the direction of my life, but I’m so thankful he chose to take a brokenhearted girl seriously.

If you are working to understand a teenage girl in the midst of painful heartbreak, I would encourage you to do the following:

1. Listen. Turn off the radio, put away your cell phone, look her in the eyes and listen to the deepest cries of her heart.

2. Use discretion before speaking. Don’t just start rambling about the crush who broke your heart thirty years ago. Make sure you are aware of each word you communicate to this hurting girl.

3. Affirm her emotions. Make sure she understands that it is okay that she is hurting, and that her pain makes sense to you. Make sure she knows that if it is important to her, it’s important to you.

4. Reiterate her importance. Take a few minutes to explain the beauty and character you see in her. Think of specific examples of times she has led or served well, and ways you see God using her in the lives of others.

5. Point her back to who she is in Christ. Encourage her to find out her own spiritual gifts and provide opportunities for her to serve and use her gifting for His glory.

Mary and Elizabeth--a Model for Mentoring

2012-05-09T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from freelance writer, speaker, and girls' ministry leader Courtney Veasey. Whether Courtney is writing papers for school or hanging out with youth and college girls either teaching them the Bible OR sliding down grassy hills on blocks of ice with them, she does it will full gusto. During the week Courtney is a minister to youth, college students and the homeless of the greater San Francisco Bay area, and on the weekends she often travels as an itinerant Bible teacher for girls’ and womens’ ministry events. courtneyveasey.com

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I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately about the relationship we see in Scripture between Elizabeth and Mary. Here you have two women who each in their own right got to take part in “delivering the divine.” Both were given sons, and while for Elizabeth, this meant deliverance from her bareness and a lifetime of disgrace. For Mary, it meant a new world of shady glances and whispers as she was young, pregnant, and yet to be wed. Each had something crucial to give to the other in the days that were ahead. I believe that this special relationship that we encounter in the opening pages of the book of Luke is a good model for how friendships or mentoring should be between older and younger women.

I don’t believe we see this only by what we are given in the text, for there we really only get to encounter them together during their “maternal states of being.” We must take from the text what we are given, but then take a step back and think about the parts that are not necessarily spoken, and let this model come alive in our minds. And if we do that, I think this is what we can see:

The Relationship Between Elizabeth and Mary Was…

1. A Relationship with a History

After her encounter with the angel Gabriel, in Luke 1:39, Mary hurried to the house of Elizabeth and Zacharias to see if what the angel had told her was true. Mary seems to go to the house of Elizabeth without any hesitation. And we get no indication from the text that Mary’s family had any problems with their young daughter making this trip to see these relatives. I would imagine that with Elizabeth being older in age and never having had children of her own prior to this time, that she had probably often looked after Mary as her own. Perhaps they had cooked and made clothes together, or gone to the temple together to pray. Probably, there was already a long time relationship in place, so that in this moment of wonder (and maybe even a little crisis), the love and understanding was already there between them.

What does this look like for us today? With those younger girls in your life, maybe building that relationship means getting to know what kind of music they like. Maybe it means bringing them along to the grocery store and then teaching them how to cook. Look for ways that you can build these relationships, so that in the “bigger moments” of life, they know who they can go to for help and their families will probably feel more comfortable with them going to for help.

2. A Relationship of Affirmation

The very moment Mary’s voice reached to Elizabeth’s ears in Luke 1:41-45, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaped inside of her and as Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, she spoke a blessing of affirmation over this new young mother. The Holy Spirit still seeks to speak blessings of affirmation through the mouths of the older to the younger (and vice versa) still today. Yes, Mary went to Elizabeth because of what the angel had told her, but also this was a real moment of need in her life. And I think the fact that she is greeted with a blessing, rather than questions or concerns, is profound.

In their times of need, outside of their immediate families, are you a person that younger girls can approach? And when they get to you, what is ready on your lips to give to them? I hope for myself that, like Elizabeth, I will have a blessing and open arms ready to give, no matter what the news, good or bad, that they have to share.

3. A Relationship of Lasting Significance

Luke explained that both Elizabeth and her husband Zacharias were old when their son John was born. It’s possible that these two aging parents may not have lived long enough to see their son John the Baptist, Mary, or Jesus grow into full adulthood. With that in mind, Elizabeth’s proclamation to Mary, affirming to her the reality of the Messiah being carried in her womb, becomes even more significant. When Jesus was dedicated at the temple at eight days old, perhaps Elizabeth’s affirmation of His Lordship flooded through Mary’s mind, as people like as Simeon and Anna came behold Him. The memory of Elizabeth’s words perhaps came again when an anxious Mary found her son Jesus back at the temple when His family had long since departed from Jerusalem, and He told her that He had to be in His Father’s house. And finally, when her precious son was being given a faulty trial under false allegations, was sentenced to die and then crucified, she would remember once again the affirming words of this child being the Messiah. Elizabeth most likely wasn’t around later in Mary’s life, but her words of affirmation most likely were.

You and I won’t always be around in the later part of the lives of these now young girls that we minister to, but our words can be. Think about the messages you want them to carry with them, from you and from God. What you say matters. It has lasting significance.

The Cheese Does NOT Stand Alone

2012-05-07T13:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Carol Sallee, speaker and freelance writer. She is a pastor’s wife and student bible study teacher at New Beginnings in Bixby, Oklahoma, where she serves alongside her husband, Phil, who has been Senior Pastor for 17 years. Carol admits she is addicted to reality TV, Dove chocolate, and Skechers' tennis shoes.She can be contacted through Facebook, Twitter, or on her website: thesalleegroup.com.

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The fox is in the hen house. The package is secure. The eagle has landed. All examples of coded phrases created to convey predetermined meaning to specific audiences while remaining inconspicuous to others. I recently heard a new one from my son-in-law, Kyle, a Student Pastor in California: The cheese does not stand alone.

That may sound vaguely familiar. It originated with a playground song and game in which the first verse is, “The cheese stands alone. The cheese stands alone. Hi-ho, the derry-o, the cheese stands alone.”

However, in Kyle’s youth group, this coded phrase means a student has been observed standing alone or not interacting with others. When this phrase is spoken, a youth leader takes the initiative to interact with the student—or “the cheese.”

It’s a simple objective, but one we probably all needed to be reminded of: no girl should have to spend time at church, in small group, at youth events alone. Every girl needs to be drawn into the community of students who surround her.

Even as an adult leader in Girl’s Ministry, I have my favorites. I know I’m not supposed to, but some girls are just easier and more fun than others. But one of the worst things that can happen to a teenage girl is to be standing alone like a giant hunk of cheese. In girl world, the cheese simply cannot stand alone.

When we walk into our church buildings and we see a girl on her own, we should strike up a conversation with her. During worship service if we notice a girl sitting alone, we should invite her to join us. At small group Bible study, we should take a seat by the one girl who seems to be left out.

What if every leader in your ministry accepted this challenge? What affect might it have on those girls on the fringes of the group? Could something so simple change the course of a life? Actually, yes, I believe it can. The attentive influence of one caring adult can make all the difference in a girl believing: You do matter. You are of great worth. You are deeply loved by God.

What girls has God placed in your life on a regular basis? Which girls has He entrusted to your sphere of influence? It takes personal resolve to open our eyes to a world of girls longing to be loved and nourished by the caring adults in their lives.

This week, in our ministries, let’s make this the code phrase: The cheese does not stand alone.

Who's Nurturing YOU?

2012-05-02T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Nancy Hamilton, Women's Pastor at Fellowship Bible in Little Rock, Arkansas. She's a frequent blogger on this site and one of the most faithful prayer warriors and encouragers you'll ever meet.

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I saw her from afar. I have to admit I was intrigued. She was in a group of varied ages of women, and she was intent on every one. She seemed to welcome women from every angle with her joyful and bubbly personality. I could tell my the look on her face and actions toward those around her that they LOVED her. In a few moments notice, I realized this woman could potentially be the one I’d been praying for for years—a MENTOR. Sure, God had brought incredible women into my life at various points in my journey. But I was looking for someone who will be there long-term. Someone to see me thru the thick and thin of life. And, I wondered, since there were areas of my life (and still are!) that I didn’t feel like I had all together, would she even mind even investing a mess like me?

Then, I remembered a quote that I had recently read by Rebecca Pippert in Out of the Saltshaker and into the World: We must not wait until we are healed first, loved first, and then reach out. We must reach out no matter how little we have our act together. It may well be one of the first steps toward our own healing when we reach out to someone else.

For me, that was God’s way of saying—GO ASK.

So, with the shyness of a 7^th grade girl, I went up to her, introduced myself, and struck up a conversation. Within a matter of minutes, I made the bold ask: “Do you think I could take you to lunch sometime, just to get to know you?

She said “Yes, of course!”

As this beautiful relationship unfolded, I honestly had no idea on how or what our connection times would look like. I told her upfront, “I think God has placed you in my life as my ministry mentor." She responded “Honey, we will teach each other."

So, Ann Rice (not the author) and I continue to this day; encouraging, teaching, and challenging one another. What I didn’t realize was that all the time I had been searching for someone to nurture my ministry soul, Ann was looking for someone to nuture her, too. Sure, Ann and I have lots of similar interests, but the thing that binds us is not that we both love Pinterest (though we do!), but that we are interested in serving the kingdom of God with passion and purpose through encouraging, equipping, and inspiring women of any age to the plan God has for them.

So, girls ministry leader, volunteer, or director, who’s nurturing you?

Who’s is your “go-to” woman when you need advice, encouragement, a word from God that you’ve been seeking for months? Whom has God’s been preparing to speak it into your life?

If you don’t have one, GET ONE NOW. I can testify that outside of my relationship with Christ, this nurturing relationship has been the very puzzle piece that brings spiritual life and depth to me, and the results of it are being seen in the lives of the girls, moms, and leaders with whom I do ministry.

We know that Titus 2 commands those who are older to encourage those who are younger. My guess in your role as a girls ministry leader, you have many options of girls you can disciple, mentor and challenge. But for you—how do you find that person who can mentor you?

Who is that someone who can encourage you to be all that God’s designed you to be? Perhaps you may find them at your church, a community outreach, or in another local body of believers.

Some things to think about in helping you find your mentor:

Does this woman seem authentic? Are you able to see that this women actually puts into practices things about what her life teaches? Is she willing to share her mistakes with you? Is she daily pursuing the truths of Christ? Is she memorizing the Word of God as the fuel for her life?

Does this woman seem teachable? Is she finding places where she personally grows and learns? Is she always striving for ways to be a better leader, minister, wife, mother? If so, she may have some lessons to teach you.

Is she personally involved in a local body of believers? While this woman may be a business woman and wired for work outside the home, does she take time and purpose in investing in her local body of believers? For us to become all God designs us to become, we need to use our spiritual gifts through his local body of believers.

Is she a good listener? Is she wise in what she speaks? How attentive is she to the needs of others around her? Do you see in her life that she listens to God for truth He might give her, and that she’s willing to share that truth with those around her?

Does she build others up with words and actions? If you see your potential mentor doing that with others, there’s high probability she will do that with you. If you are blessed to find an Ann Rice in your life, she will readily see your gifts, talents, and personal loves and will encourage you to step out in areas where God is calling faith out of your life. Your Ann Rice will be tuned in to what God is speaking to you, and will encourage you to the fullest to be all God has designed you to become.

My prayer for you is that as you seek God’s guidance on who your “Ann Rice” may be, that God will bring clarity, insight, and wisdom to you on how this woman can help you see things in your life you can’t yet see. Your life, your ministry, and your call to God will be nurtured and enriched more than you can imagine.

Ideas for Building Community

2012-04-30T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from girls' ministry veteran Amy Pierson. She, along with her husband and brand-new baby girl Eva Jewel, serve internationals in college in NYC. Check out their blog at Team Pierson.

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Building a sense of community among the girls in your group is vital. I agree with Ginny Olson in regards to teen girls and most females, “She’s searching for meaning, belonging, for a deeper purpose and for a community.” Whether you are on a church staff, a small group leader, volunteer, or a mom there are lots of ways to build community among girls. I’ll give you a few examples, and I’d love for you to add ideas in the comments section.

For services and events, I had 1-2 girls from JH and HS that I appointed with the task of welcoming visitors. These girls sat with them, walked with them to big church, and asked them to go to lunch. They also friended them on Facebook or got their numbesr so they could send something encouraging during the week, saying it was nice to meet them. This made the new girls feel welcome and helped girls really develop their gifts of kindness and hospitality. And, these girls did a great job of introducing new girls to others. Your goal is for every girl, no matter her past or present, to feel welcome by not only adults but also other girls.

For community among existing girls, try different things—not every option will work for every girl. One thing I did that I loved was small Sunday lunches after church. Like only 8th grade one week, only 10th one week, etc. After church we simply grabbed food, and I asked them questions I knew they’d have in common: How have you tried to share your faith after DNow? What do you love about HS? What do you miss about middle school? There is something special (and easy!) about just sharing a meal and chatting. Your goal is to make girls realize that they have similar struggles and experiences.

Also, we did “Crafts and Conversations” to mix grades. For example, invite 7th and 11th grades, pairing an older with a younger girl to help her with her craft and to chat. I brought conversation starters each time. Questions included: What's your fave food? Where was your fave vacation? If you had $5000 what would you do? What is your fave holiday and why? Your goal is to give the younger girls role models, and to make the older girls remember how important mentoring and being nice to the younger girls is.

No matter the size of your girls group, grab a handful and get out of the building and make a memory: sharing a meal, doing anything random they can put on Facebook or have an inside joke about (such as going to IHOP in pajamas or to a movie all dressed alike), reading the same book, or serving together. But, proximity doesn’t equal intimacy. I always had conversation starters or questions in my mind to make sure everyone could speak, hear, and listen. Your goal is to make them feel like they can be themselves and be accepted.

I also like to put 10 girls that I want to know each other on the same Facebook message. I write a verse then ask them to interact with it. They end up keeping the message going and adding new verses. I bow out and start another message with other girls. Your goal is to engage and connect them where they are outside of church. And, community can begin with Sunday, but if they are only in each other's world for two hours once a week, that's not community. They see people in Algebra 2 longer than that... Getting them together to have fun and do spiritual things outside of Sunday is key to them feeling like they are friends and that someone in the group cares or has their back. Also, think through some community goals for your group and how you will get there. One goal I had was to serve widows, so I created opportunities for girls to meet sweet widows and serve together with a few friends and a few girls they didn’t know.

Community is SO important to girls. If they feel loved and like they are surrounded by friends, the insecurities melt and their hearts open to listen to God’s Word and older godly women who love them.

Cafeteria Calling

2012-04-26T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Kelly King, who is the women's specialist at the Baptist General Convention in Oklahoma. She's an author, speaker, and local church volunteer. You can check out her blog, Echo His Heart.

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My daughter is a senior in high school. She’s been in the same school district since Kindergarten. She’s not an outsider in the school cafeteria.

Until this year. Her senior year.

On the first day of school, she realized her assigned lunch time was different than “all” of her friends. Many of her friends were taking concurrent college courses and weren’t even on school property. As a mom, I heard the woes of a 17-year-old who wasn’t quite sure how she would handle lunch alone. I assured her God had a plan and she would develop new friendships. Yep. That went over really well.

But something really did happen over the next week that has changed the way I see girl’s ministry and the opportunities our students have to make an impact in their school.

First, Courtney found another girl who was sitting by herself. Within minutes, she discovered that Paige was new to our school. Her family had just moved from California. Not only was she struggling with the move during her senior year, but the culture of California was much different than central Oklahoma. Paige is not a believer, but Courtney has continued to pursue Paige with a lunch relationship. She has shared Christ and Paige has visited the small group Bible Study we teach on Sunday evenings in our home.

Second, Courtney discovered that one of the Hispanic guys from our church was in her same lunch period. He had just transferred to our high school. Because of their relationship, Courtney met Sofia. And Sofia changed our life.

Sofia was a new student from Mexico who had come to live with her cousin. She was spending a year in our state so she could improve her English. There was an instant connection between Courtney and Sofia. Courtney loves her AP Spanish and quickly took it upon herself to develop a friendship. Sofia is a believer and Courtney quickly plugged her into our student ministry. They developed a plan when Courtney took her to church. On the way to church, they spoke English so Sofia could improve her language skills. On the way home they spoke Spanish so Courtney could improve her skills.

Our family and our student ministry bonded with this young woman and grew to love her. She spent the night at our house (the girls watched “Tangled” in Spanish!), carved pumpkins, attended our Disciple Now weekend, went to a huge craft show in our city and she even went on a Spring Break mission trip. Although Sofia recently returned to Mexico, her presence not only changed our family, but changed our ministry. The senior girls embraced Sofia—not just on Sunday mornings, but truly as a new friend. As we said goodbyes at the airport, there were many tears as girls realized the connection they made. Sofia had grown spiritually, but I many of our girls grew in their faith a lot more.

The girls in your ministry face an opportunity each day they eat in the school cafeteria. Who will they sit next to? What conversations will be shared? How do they engage with the lost? How do they engage with international students? Pray for the girls in your ministry to look for those who need a friend—even if it’s over a sack lunch.

Girls Ministry for the Next Generation

2012-04-25T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Nic Allen, a writer, parent, and minister who lives in Franklin, TN. You can check out his other posts on this blog.

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Meet Grace. She’s 7 years old and in the 2^nd grade. She’s the oldest of 3 daughters and loves life. Every week, she comes to church having learned her memory verse and having read her weekly devotional. She’s the daughter of my Lead Pastor at Rolling Hills Community Church in Franklin, TN where I serve on staff. My wife, Susan, is one of Grace’s Sunday morning small group leaders in the 2^nd grade class.

Now, meet Lillie Cate. She’s our 5 year old who will start kindergarten next fall. She’s the oldest of almost 3 kids. Her second sibling is due to arrive in September this year and she’s excited. Lillie Cate is in the pre-K class at church and loves learning her memory verse every week, too, because when she recites it, she gets a treat from the prize bin.

When Grace is a high school senior, Lillie Cate will be a freshman. It’s hard for me to imagine. Grace will be among the group of girls that my impressionable 9^th grader looks up to and takes cues from about modesty, purity, godliness, and the like. We’ve decided that since we want the older girls who will undoubtedly influence my daughters during those important high school years, we should invest in those girls now—while they're still learning the basics of the faith.

Girl’s ministry doesn’t magically start when a girl hits middle school. Equipping a girl to become a woman of God starts much earlier than that. Barna research reveals that a child’s worldview is firmly established by age 13.(see below) If we want girls to know and follow God and to perceive the world from a godly perspective, we have to start early. Consider the importance of girls’ specific ministry focuses for elementary girls.

When it comes to recruiting leaders in your children’s ministry, use this logic. What we teach 7 year-olds matters more than we think when they turn 17 or 27. Tell your preschool parents to serve in children’s ministry. The 1^st grader they teach to know and love God will one day influence their now toddler. Their Sunday morning service is a long-term investment in God’s kingdom and in their daughter’s life, too.

http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/21-transformation/252-barna-survey-examines-changes-in-worldview-among-christians-over-the-past-13-years

Meet the Parents--And Befriend Them

2012-04-23T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Erin Davis, writer, speaker, and mom. Check out her ministry online.

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FACT: Parents have between 3,000-4,000 hours a year to disciple their child. Church staff members have less than 100 hours.

FACT: In study after study, teenagers list their parents as their number one influence when it comes to religious faith and practice, so much so that researchers have called the cultural assumption that a teen’s peer group is more influential then his/her parents as “badly misguided.”

FACT: Swiss researchers recently discovered that a dad who faithfully attends church (even if mom doesn’t) will raise kids who are 44% more likely to keep going to church as adults. If mom attends regularly but dad doesn’t attend, only 2% of the kids will attend as adults.

I spent my first eight years in student ministry as a non-parent. During those years I had plenty of run-ins with parents of students over everything from bathing suits to my role in breakups and cat fights. I would never have said it out loud (in fact I wasn’t even consciously aware that I thought it), but deep down there was a part of me that suspected that when it came to the students in my care, parents were the enemy.

Every mom who tried to be her daughter’s best friend and pushed her toward dating and drama…

Every set of parents who divorced and sent girls into my living room with hurts I couldn’t even begin to help heal…

Every dad who called to tell us that his son couldn’t go on the mission trip because he had a basketball tournament…

Every parent who pulled me aside and said, “My child is going through x, you need to fix it by the end of youth group tonight (but don’t tell her we talked)”…

These were the people who confirmed my hunch that parents were not my allies in the battle to win and disciple girls to me more like Christ.

But then…after 36 hours of labor a nurse handed me my own bundle of joy. I hate to be cliché, but it changed everything, including the way I see the parents of the teenagers I know and love.

That baby is now four, still a long way from the teenage years. He also happens to be a boy rendering my many years in girls ministry relatively useless (they really are different)! But I’m his momma and I know him better than anyone else does. That is true in the toddler years and it will still be true when whiskers start to appear on his face and he joins the world of student ministry that I’ve been a part of for so long.

I am thrilled to hand him off to Sunday school teachers, VBS leaders, and nursery workers. Some day I will be equally thrilled to connect him with his youth pastor, small group leader, and camp pastor. But ultimately, when it comes to my child’s spiritual growth, the buck stops with me.

That realization hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that as I minister to girls, some times there is a part of me that wants to be the primary influence. I want the be the voice that screams the loudest in their heads. I want to matter most.

But no amount of wanting will make that a reality. Their parents are their biggest influence. I am just backup vocals. And that is by design, by the One who created families in the first place.

If you are involved in student ministry, and not yet a parent, you’re just going to have to take my word on something: most of the parents of the teenagers in your world are doing the very best they can. I know that seems crazy because they make so many mistakes. But while I’m spilling the cliché’s here comes another one: kids don’t come with owner’s manuals. And sinful parents, well…they sin. That doesn’t lessen their impact; it just means the entire family needs the transforming power of Christ.

If you are parenting while doing student ministry, you already know this is true. But may I remind you that the grace that you need as a believer is needed by every parent in your churc?. What would change if you started praying for the parents of the girls in your youth group made a conscious effort to equip them?

Parents aren’t your ally as you disciple teens. Instead, the reverse is true. Parents are the ones with the greatest influence on their teens. Your influence is secondary. It’s your job to help them.

Practically speaking that means you need to do more than just send out a quarterly parent newsletter. You need to stop glaring when a parent appears in the back of a room during a service or pulls you aside to ask lots of questions about an upcoming event. That kiddo in your charge once came to them swaddled in a tiny blanket. They’ve been working to reach that teen for more than a decade and ultimately, what parents do or say will matter way more than any event you could ever plan or any Bible study you could ever teach.

What do you do to pull parents in to your girl’s ministry? Who are two parents you can reach out to this week? What is one big step you can take in the next month to take a supporting role with the parents of your church rather than seeking center stage?

I Yelled at My Daughter Today

2012-04-19T13:00:00Z

I yelled at my daughter yesterday.

I raised my voice and spoke in anger.

I lost my temper over socks. Yes, socks. It’s a long story.

And afterwards, I felt like the worst parent in the world.

I was embarrassed by my actions. It was one of those moments that you wish you could do over. Hit the rewind button and try again. Delete the file and start over from scratch.

Why am I telling you this? Partly because I want you to know I am human and flawed. Partly because I think as believers, we spend too much time trying to conceal our mistakes instead of being honest about them, and in doing so, put up a fake self that is exhausting to maintain. And partly because I want you to remember that the parents in your ministry are human and flawed and struggling and in need of encouragement and grace

But mostly, because I think you’ve been there, too.

Maybe it wasn't yelling at your daughter. Maybe it was losing your temper at an event. Perhaps it was refusing to respond to the signs of that needy girl wanting to talk to you. Maybe it was letting your relationship with God suffer at the hands of your busy ministry and life.

And like me, you felt like the worst person in the world.

For both of us, I have good news. It’s called mercy. Lamentations 3:22-23 says this:

“Because of the Lord’s faithful love,
we do not perish,
for His mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness."

Mercy. Not just any kind of mercy, but never-ending mercy. Mercy that is new and fresh and ready to forgive and forget every morning.

So today is a new day. I get another chance to turn in my merit badge of bad parenting for another opportunity to love well. And tomorrow? I get a fresh start then, too.

That’s the glory of God and the wonder of mercy. And I am grateful for it.

It's Coming: New Bible Study by Hayley DiMarco

2012-04-18T13:00:00Z

In just a couple of weeks, we'll be releasing our newest Bible study: Obsessed: Making Christ the Desire of Your Heart. For this study, we're partnering with best-selling author and speaker Hayley DiMarco. Rather than tell you about the study, I thought I'd just let you have a sneak peek at the opening paragraphs:

Obsessed—To be obsessed is to be relentless in your attention to or pursuit of something. When you’re obsessed, you can’t get that obsession—your dream, that guy, your goal weight, or whatever—out of your mind. It’s what controls and defines you.

Think about it: if you find out what a person thinks about the most, you find out who that person really is. The obsessed are defined by their obsession. A musician is considered a genius because he works to obsession. An artist is remembered forever because she was obsessed by her art. To be obsessed is to devote your life, body, and soul to something or to someone.

If you’re obsessed with something, it consumes and rules over you. You’re a slave to thoughts or actions that seem beyond yourself—yet in reality, at some level, stem from your own desires. To be obsessed is to be unable to walk away from the object of your obsession without considerable struggle or pain.

Which leads to a very important point: if you’re obsessed with something, that obsession controls you. It rules over you, dominates your thoughts, and governs the way you live your life. And depending on who or what it is that controls you, your obsession can make or ruin your life.

The truth is, most of us are obsessed with something or someone. Some might even say that being obsessed is what makes life fun. When you’re obsessed with something, you’re so in love with it that it gets you out of bed in the morning. It brings a smile to your face. Your obsession compels you to action, to achievement, to success. In fact, in order to be successful at anything, you have to have at least some degree of obsession. You can’t become a medical doctor without some obsession for learning and a devotion to healing. You can’t become a great athlete, actor, writer, or artist without being obsessed with doing what you need to do in order to succeed at your craft.

But obsession isn’t always a fun thing.

Sometimes, we can become so consumed by our obsessions that it ends up destroying us, or, at the very least, debilitating us. Drug addicts are obsessed with the feelings the drugs give or take away. Someone who cuts is obsessed with the sense of relief the blade brings. The anorexic is obsessed with the image in the mirror. Every one of these people are not only controlled by their obsession; they’re also being destroyed by it.

Check back on the blog in a couple of weeks. We might be giving away more than just a sneak peek!