Inside Girls' Ministry

Are You Jonah? (Probably...), Part 2

2012-07-18T13:00:00Z

This is part 2 of Erin Davis' post. Go back and read Part 1 if you need to....

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#2 Jonah didn’t love those he was called to reach.
First Corinthians 13:1 reminds us, “If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.”

If you don’t genuinely love the people you are trying to minister to, you’re just being obnoxious. Jonah sure came off this way as he whined about the way God spared the Ninevites. We repeat Jonah’s mistake when we fail to genuinely love the girls in our care.

#3 Jonah wanted to control the fruit.
Jonah eventually delivered the message, but he held on tightly to the reigns. He wanted to control how the Ninevites would respond. Even more grievous, he wanted to control God’s response. I do the same thing when I speak, teach and write. I want to manipulate girls to respond a certain way and I want God to move on my cue. When I do so I forget that I am not the Gardener. My job is to obey God. Bearing fruit in the lives of the girls in my life is His job, not mine.

Jonah’s ministry legacy is tragic. The entire city of Ninevah is spared but Jonah’s story ends with him grumbling over the Lord’s compassion and sniveling about a plant (Jonah 4). It’s a wake up call to check our own hearts and motivations and to ask God to help us avoid making Jonah’s mistakes.

Do you see yourself in Jonah’s story? Are there girls you struggle to love or an area of ministry where you feel the need to control the fruit? Join me in repenting and asking for God’s redirection. (And be on the lookout for whales!)

Are You Jonah? (Probably...), Part 1

2012-07-16T13:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Erin Davis. Erin is the founder of Graffiti Ministries, an organization dedicated to addressing the issues of identity, worth, and true beauty in the lives of young women. A popular speaker, author and blogger, Erin has addressed women of all ages nationwide and is passionately committed to sharing God's Truth with others.

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I am Jonah.

True, I’ve never spent time in the belly of a whale or experienced the thrill when that whale spit me up onto a beach, but I’ve pulled a Jonah or two during my tenure in girls ministry.

Here’s a quick re-cap of Jonah’s attitude toward ministry.

“Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, ‘Arise go to Ninevah, that great city and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.’ But Jonah rise to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord” (Jonah 1:1-3).

Since hindsight is twenty-twenty it is easy to see Jonah’s mistakes. Of course He couldn’t outrun God. He likely knew that on some level. Maybe he was just trying to buy himself some time. Jonah might have come around to his call eventually, but God’s call was urgent and Jonah’s disobedience wasn’t going to fly. Of course, Jonah never could have predicted the wild ways that God would reiterate the call to go and preach to the sinners of Ninevah.

As I’ve been studying Jonah’s story, I’ve realized that Jonah made three mistakes I’ve been known to repeat as I minister.

#1 Jonah wanted to choose who to minister to.
There’s no indication in Scripture that Jonah was opposed to ministry, he was just opposed to ministering to the Ninevites. I’m all for ministering to young women. I get how important it is and I am grateful that God has called me to what I believe to be the front lines of the battle in the church.

But I don’t really want to minister to that girl. The one that continues to give me the cold shoulder no matter how hard I try to get to know her. The one who’s home life is so complicated that I feel completely inadequate to help her. The one who is so boy crazy that she can’t think, talk, or plan for anything else. The one who is annoying. The one who brings her bikini to every single youth trip. The one who is so deeply entrenched in sin that I can’t fathom her becoming a new creation. (She sounds a bit like the Ninevites, now that I think of it).

I want to minister to that girl who loves to have Bible studies, who thinks I am witty, whose problems are simple enough that I can intervene effortlessly.

When God calls me to minister under difficult circumstances, I tend to want to run. Can you relate?

Harry Potter, Voldemort, and Jesus

2012-07-13T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Mickey McCloud, frequent writer for Inside Girls' Ministry. You can check out her other posts on this site.
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It seems that no matter how old I get, I still find myself in situations that force me to give a personal introduction and share a “fun fact about myself.” I hate these questions. I can’t play the piano with my toes, I’ve never swam with sharks and my brother never dated Britney Spears in high school. Other than the fact that I can say the alphabet backwards, I have no secret talents.

In a recent introductory situation, I was desperately trying to think of something creative that would set me apart, so I simply said, “I have never read the Harry Potter series.”

People looked at me like I was a crazy person. They were downright offended that I had not stood in line at the bookstore in the freezing cold, waiting on the newest release so I could find out what happened to Harry & the wizard gang.

I felt a bit like an outcast, but I am okay with that. At this point, I refuse to give into peer pressure! A few weeks later, I was with my small group of 8th grade girls who are avid Harry Potter fans. They too, were baffled at my lack of knowledge until another girl chimed in during a conversation about Voldemort and said, “Voldemort…isn’t that the cute guy from American Idol?”

If you are familiar with the series, you can imagine the roar of laughter in the living room. The girls could not fathom how she could not know who Voldemort was, what he did or the reputation he has across the globe for his infamous role in Harry’s story. It amazed me how familiar the girls were with his name. The moment his name was spoken, there was an instant recognition of who he was, what he did and why he was important.

This got me thinking about another name—the name above every name—Jesus.

Don’t we want to our girls to invest in their faith the way they invest in stories, series and fan clubs? Don’t we want teenage girls to be so familiar with Jesus, that they recognize His name above all other names? Don’t we want girls to know His story so well, that they are astonished when others aren’t familiar with His miracles, His death & His resurrection?

I often feel that we spend so much time talking to girls about issues of morality, and not enough time talking about our Savior who died for our sins. As you spend time with your girls this summer, I encourage you to lift up the name of Jesus. Let’s never let another devotional or small group meeting pass us by without speaking the name of Jesus, what He has done for us, what He has promised to us who believe, and the power of His holy, precious name.

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.”
Phillippians 2:9-10

Is it OK to Worship God and Buddha?

2012-07-11T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Ashley Chesnut, who works on staff at The Church at Brook Hills as part of the Local Disciple-Making team and recently graduated from Beeson Divinity School. She has spent the past seven summers as a CentriKid staffer and is passionate about discipling girls of all ages and equipping them to be disciple-makers. ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“Is it okay to worship God and Buddha?”

This was a question posed to me at dinner recently when I was in Thailand on a short-term mission trip. I tried to explain to the woman how Jesus states, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn. 14:6). He does not say that He and Buddha are the way. Furthermore, God makes it quite clear in Scripture that we are not to worship idols. He desires and deserves all of our worship.

A couple of nights later as I was talking with one of the girls on our mission team who had been sitting across the table while I was having the conversation with the Thai woman, she shared with me that this was the first time she had ever seen someone else share the Gospel. While she had been taught how to explain that God chooses to save sinners by grace through faith in His Son and while she had shared this with others, she had never witnessed someone else do so, and she’s twenty years old!

Her words jolted me and reminded me of the opportunities for discipleship that are present on short-term trips. Not only can we engage in sharing the gospel and serving those in the places that we go, but we can intentionally develop and equip those who are on the mission trips with us. Whether you are here or there, take people with you as you minister. When you do, you are providing girls with an example of how to share the Word, show the Word, and teach the Word.

When I was in elementary school, I struggled with double-digit division. It was such a struggle that I distinctly remember asking my mom if I could quit school and if I really needed to know double-digit division in order to succeed in life. Instead of letting me quit, my mom continued to work division problems with me, and it was in examining the examples that she gave that I was able to figure out how to solve the problems on my own. As a Christ-follower, your life should be an example of how to faithfully follow Christ, for it is in watching your life that others are pointed to Christ and learn everything from how to be a godly mother to how to respond to conflict in a Christlike manner.

Let others have a front-row seat to your life, and be an accurate example of Christ. If we’re faithful in doing so, hopefully those around us won’t have to wait twenty years before seeing someone else share the gospel.

Dealing with Girl Drama, Part 3

2012-07-09T13:00:00Z

This is Part 3 on our series on girls' and drama, blog posts written by Jimmie Davis. You can check out the other posts on this blog.

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What causes drama, cont'd....

Physical and Emotional Development
During middle school time, the physical and emotional changes that take place in a girl's life can make a girl act and say things that are completely inappropriate. The hormonal changes may cause her to be more dramatic, emotional, and experience mood swings that cause a mother to wonder, “Who is thing girl and what did she do with my daughter?” I have noticed that drama is at its height in the middle school years and one has to sit down and laugh at some of the “silly” things that girls get bent out of shape about. However, to the girl, her situation is disastrous and is very real and traumatic. As girls grow into their high school years, the drama often changes to more realistic and even deeper issues.

Brain development is another factor that contributes to drama with teenage girls. The prefrontal lobe, or the good sense area of the brain, is not fully developed until the late teens and early twenties. However, the emotional center of the brain is very developed, causing girls to think with emotions and not good sense.

Childish Ways
Hopefully, as a girl grows up she will begin to act more like a young adult than a child, but often girls grow up and carry childish ways into their adult life. This will depend on how parents and other significant adults have modeled getting rid of childish ways. I Corinthians 13:11 tells us to get rid of childish ways when we grow up. Childish ways consist of temper tantrums, selfish behavior, crying, pouting, physical aggression, tattle telling, taking your toys and going home, manipulating, and on and on we could go. These childish ways destroy love relationships whether it is a parent/child, husband/wife, friend to friend, small group, girls’ ministry, youth group or church. Teaching this timeless truth to teen girls and helping them learn to replace childish ways with appropriate mature ways can lessen the drama that exists in your girls’ ministry.

Drama Prevention
Focusing on all of these areas and mentoring girls through these aspects of their lives can help a girl be less dramatic. To be perfectly honest, God has created women to be emotional beings and there will always be drama to a certain extent, but as girls mature spiritually, physically, and emotionally, they will learn to deal with others in a more godly way. Teach girls the importance of forgiveness, provide avenues for affirming one another, and hold them accountable for their actions.

One last thing, and I apologize if it stings a bit: we as leaders must evaluate ourselves in all of these areas as well. Sometimes, we as leaders contribute to the drama and don’t even realize it.

Dealing with Girl Drama, Part 2

2012-07-03T13:00:00Z

This is Part 2 in our series on girls' and drama, written by girls' ministry guru Jimmie Davis. You can check out her other posts on this blog.

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What causes girl drama, cont'd...

Social Status
Whether we want to admit it or not, race, culture, and family social status can cause drama and division in girls’ ministry. I have had girls to put their foot up onto a chair to prevent a girl of another social status to sit beside her. It is heartbreaking to see and we need to be about the business of teaching our girls how to love all people. We as humans tend to migrate toward people who are like us. Breaking down these barriers that are sometimes passed down as generational sins is sometimes a difficult task, but it is vitally important in our girls’ ministries to make this an important focus.

Self Esteem Issues
Self esteem issues are rampant with women of all ages and begin long before the teenage years, they are at an all-time high during the adolescent years. When a girl suffers from low self esteem, she may try to make others look bad. She may have anger issues because she feels bad about herself, and this can cause drama. Teaching girls who they are in Christ Jesus is critical. When they have “God esteem” there will be much less drama.

The Suitcase
When a child is born, they have a “life suitcase” they carry around with them for the rest of their lives. Parents and other significant adults hopefully pack the things they need for life in their suitcase. Life also contributes to that suitcase with items such as illness, accidents, or even disabilities. Generational sins contribute to the suitcase and are often packed and repacked from parent to child. Abuse, divorce, abandonment, anger, fear, addictions, and trauma are some things that can cause a girl to have relationship problems with others.

It is important to teach girls about their life suitcases. Help them learn to identify what is in the suitcase, how to unpack the unnecessary items and how to repack the things that are essential for living a life that is pleasing to God. It may be necessary to involve parents in this process since often parents are at the root of drama, especially mothers. The girls in your ministry can stop generational sins with God’s help and a godly person who can help walk them through the process.

Dealing with Girl Drama, Part 1

2012-06-29T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Jimmie Davis, veteran of girls' ministry. You can check out more of her blogs on this site. She's also the author of two books: Girls' Ministry Handbook, and Girls' Ministry Idea Book.

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In working with teenage girls for the past 30+ years, I have seen drama that would make you laugh and make you cry. Anyone who works with teenage girls understands how difficult it is to sort out relationship problems and help girls treat one another with respect. I have come to realize that there will always be drama no matter what you do, but the Lord has shown me some ways to help prevent drama before it starts. First of all, I think it is important to determine why girls act the way they do. Identifying the root of the problem is always a good first step. The following areas may contribute to the issue of drama:

Spiritual Immaturity
Some girls may never have been spiritually transformed. The sinful nature is in control if they have never accepted Christ into their hearts and surrendered every area of their lives to the Lord. They may be in full rebellion against God and may not even care. On the other hand, they may have already accepted Christ into their lives but are babes in Christ. It is very possible they may have unidentified sin in their lives and have no idea that how they are acting is inappropriate. They need spiritual mentors to guide them in spiritual disciplines and how to live a close relationship with the Lord.

Personality Issues
Every girl has a unique personality. God has designed each girl in a unique way, but there are four basic personality types—sanguine, choleric, melancholy, and phlegmatic. It is important to learn that we must respond to others according to their personalities (communicate in their language, not ours), so it is essential to teach teen girls about personality traits. Often girls do not understand their own personality much less the personalities of others. When we understand how God designed our personality, we can learn to balance our personality and therefore become less offensive to others. In learning about personality traits, girls can learn how to respond correctly to other personalities.

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To be continued...

Tweets, Retweets, and When to Delete

2012-06-27T13:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Kelly King, who is the women's specialist at the Baptist General Convention in Oklahoma. She's an author, speaker, and local church volunteer. You can check out her blog, Echo His Heart.

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When was the last time you consoled a girl who was in tears over a broken relationship or wounded by the words of another? I’m guessing you’ve had those moments. But lately, I’ve seen the hurts of girls who’ve been wounded by comments made through social media.

My own daughter recently closed her Twitter account when someone tweeted a comment that was hurtful. She was embarrassed even more when one of her best friends thought it was funny and retweeted it to her followers. While the damage was done, she saw the effects of a social media comment gone wrong. She was through with tweets, retweets, and decided it was time to “delete.”

Don’t get me wrong. There are several positives to social media. It’s a great way to connect to students, to encourage them and to communicate what’s going on in your ministry. But let’s help our girls and talk straight about the consequences and long-range effects of speaking through cyberspace. Here are few things you can “share” with the girls in your ministry.

Posting pictures. I can’t tell you how many pictures I’ve seen on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram of girls that are inappropriate. Bikinis on the beach, pajamas at slumber parties, self-portraits in front of the bathroom mirror, and kissing boys may seem innocent to some, but once those images are posted, they are forever on the internet. Help students understand the impact of posting pictures they will soon regret.

Proverbs 14:16: “The wise watch their steps and avoid evil; fools are headstrong and reckless.” (The Message)

Comments made about parents or authority figures. Last night I looked at my Twitter feed and found three comments from girls in my ministry who flat-out blasted their moms. The comments were disrespectful and rude. I know these girls well, and I can promise you that what they said on social media, they would have never said to their mom face-to-face.

Proverbs 20:3: “It's a mark of good character to avert quarrels, but fools love to pick fights.” (The Message)

Comments about others. Help girls understand that their comments are a reflection of their hearts and attitudes toward others. Instruct them on how their words can either “build up” or “tear down.” Show them the impact when a comment is shared with hundreds, if not thousands, of others they don’t know.

Proverbs 21:23, “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you'll save yourself a lot of grief. “ (The Message)

Follow and be followed only by people you know. Sure, it’s fun to think you really have thousands of friends through social media. But how many of them do they really know? Sadly, predators are watching our girls through social media and are looking for ways to entice them.

Proverbs 14:16: “The wise watch their steps and avoid evil; fools are headstrong and reckless.” (The Message)

Being in girls' ministry, being a minster's wife

2012-06-25T13:00:00Z

Today's video blog focuses on an common issue I hear about often—how do I walk this weird road of being the youth (or pastor's) minister's wife and being a girls' ministry leader? To talk about this, we enlisted the help of a woman who's been there—Erin Davis. She's the author of our Bible study True Princess, and she's a speaker, author, and fellow girls' leader.

Slow Down, Head Down--New Blog Post for Dads

2012-06-22T13:00:00Z

Today's post comes from Paul Turner, avid runner, frequent blogger, not-so-frequent golfer, and dad to two daughters and other girls his family mentors. You can check out his personal blog at The Way. Why is it on the girls' ministry blog? Because dads are ministers to girls. If you're not a dad, forward it along to someone who is!

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Some dads will get the reference in the title and most of the moms will not. It is a golf technique that is designed to get the golfer to be intentional about focusing on the point of impact.

Golf is a crazy game. You take a stick with a pronounced head on it, swing it beside a tiny ball and get the pronounced head part of the stick to strike the ball squarely so that the ball will fly in the right direction. Seriously. It's a wonder anyone can figure it out.

As a dad, I have discovered that too many of us run around with everything under the sun on our minds: get that next business deal done; make sure the yard is mowed; get a game of basketball or golf in; get to church; serve on this board; and on and on. All of these things can be worthy and important, but we have to be reminded many times to slow down, and keep your head down. More precisely, slow down or you'll miss your family. Keep your head down instead of focusing on other things that divert your attention from what really, ultimately matters.

Make a night a family priority. Schedule NOTHING over it—not work, not church, not games, not even some really good things. Slow down and watch and listen to your kids’ conversations. Actually engage them in conversation yourself. Turn off the NBA Finals; the latest season of American Idol; or the Voice; or Dancing with the Stars (got you on that last one!). Slowing down with your head down is not just for golf. It is for slowing down enough to hear your family’s heartbeat. Not just what they are talking about and doing, but what are they feeling and sensing is going on in your family as you lead.

Take time to slow down this season. Keep your head down and really be present with your kids and your family. You will not regret it, even if the yard gets a little overrun by sticks and weeds, and your golf ball does not fly completely straight off of that club.

2nd Annual LifeWay Girls' Ministers Retreat

2012-06-21T13:00:00Z

DATE: November 5-7, 2012

LOCATION: Beerhseba Springs Assembly, Beersheba Spring, Tennessee

COST: Private room: $200; Shared room: $175 (includes 5 meals)

TO REGISTER: Call 800-254-2022

DETAILS:
We understand that being on staff at a church as the Girls' Minister is not for the faint of heart. Deadlines. Church members. Girl drama. And the unique loneliness that comes from having a job that's just, well, different than most callings out there.

This retreat is designed around YOU—your needs, your relationships, your time away with Jesus. Don't look for a busy schedule because you won't find it. What you will find is lots of down time, along with lots of time to connect, share, encourage, and pray for each other.

Yes, it's hard to get away, and yes, you may have to beg for the money (cookie bribes work, by the way). But those who were there last year will tell you—it is worth every moment of scheduling, budgeting, planning, and packing.

Culture Update--Top Tens in Media

2012-06-20T13:00:00Z

Movies

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted, $35.5 mil
Prometheus, $20.2 mil
Rock of Ages, $15.1 mil
Snow White and the Hunstman, $13.8 mil
That's My Boy, $13 mil
Men in Black 3, $10 mil
The Avengers, $8.8 mil
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, $2.2 mil
Moonrise Kingdom, $2.2 mil
What to Expect When You're Expecting, $1.3 mil

TV Shows

America's Got Talent —Tuesday
Americas' Got Talent—Wednesday
NCIS
Big Bang Theory
60 Minutes
NCIS: Los Angeles
Person of Interest
American Ninja Warrior
Concert for the Queen
The Bachelorette

Video Games (I'm pretty sure girls aren't into these too much!)

Pokemon Conquest - DS
Minecraft - Xbox 360
Call of Duty: Black Ops II - Xbox 360
Halo 4 Limited Edition - Xbox 360
LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes - Xbox 360
Halo 4 - Xbox 360
Call of Duty: Black Ops II - PS3
Assassin's Creed III - Xbox 360
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance Mark of Mastery Edition - 3DS
Battlefield 3 Premium DLC - Xbox 360

Albums

Adele - 21
Alan Jackson - Thirty Miles West
Beach Boys - That's Why God Made the Radio
Neil Young - Americana
Big K.R.I.T. - Live From the Underground
One Direction - Up All Night
John Mayer - Born and Raised
Curren$y - The Stoned Immaculate
Carrie Underwood - Blown Away
Brandi Carlile - Bear Creek

Radio Airplay (Top 40 Category)

Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
Cotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
Maroon 5 - Payphone
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Nicki Minaj - Starships
fun. - We Are Young
Rihanna - Where Have You Been
Flo Rida - Wild Ones
Usher - Scream
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend

Searches on Google

Roger Clemens
Microsoft
Multiple Sclerosis
NASCAR
Falling Skies
Rodney King
Webb Simpson
WWE
Father's Day Quotes
Father's Day

New Documentary on Texting and Driving

2012-06-18T19:49:05Z

This is a new documentary that AT&T put together on the dangers of texting and driving. Very moving. And potentially powerful.

Summer Series #3--The Best of...

2012-06-06T13:00:00Z

I've heard countless Bible studies and sermons on the Proverbs 31 woman, but I've never heard anybody bring up the Proverbs 21:9 gal. Here's our blog about it:

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How NOT to Be the Proverbs 21:9 Woman

One of the rewards of being disciplined about daily Bible reading is that, occasionally you get rewarded with a belly laugh you never saw coming. Several years ago, I got into the habit of reading a chapter of Proverbs every day. Since there are 31 days in most months, and there are 31 chapters of Proverbs, it works. So, on one random 21^st day of the month, I came across this little gem:

Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging (“quarrelsome” in other translations) wife. [Proverbs 21:9 HCSB]

This made me laugh. I could imagine King Solomon, author of many of the Proverbs having a bad day with one of his seven hundred wives (1 Kings 11:3), and taking his royal sleeping bag to sleep under the stars. Come to think of it, with seven hundred wives, he may have spent more than a few nights on a corner of the palace. This must be true, because the exact same verse is repeated, word for word, just four chapters later:

Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife. [Proverbs 25:24 HCSB]

Now, since the Bible is God’s inspired Word, nothing gets in there by accident. And for a verse to be there twice means we ought to sit up and pay attention. It can’t just be that Solomon was having a marital spat and decided to make a dig at his 438^th wife. There’s more to it.

Much is made in girls’ ministry of “The Proverbs 31 woman.” Proverbs 31:10-31 is a list of some extraordinary virtues a woman can bring into a marriage: strong work ethic, shrewd business sense, generosity and compassion to the poor and needy, wisdom and faithful teaching of her children. These are all good, good things. But is it worth at least one mocha at McDonald’s to talk with your girls about how not to be a Proverbs 21:9 woman?

How do you encourage girls not to be quarrelsome or nagging? Can you build a Bible study around Ephesians 4:29, and help the girls in your small group to hold each other accountable to “letting no unwholesome word come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for the building up of the body of Christ.”? Can you help them understand that “mean girls” who cut each other down in high school or are constantly sniping at even their closest friends are much more likely to become “mean wives” and “mean moms?”

Girls need to know that the personality they bring into a relationship with the opposite gender is, in many ways, the one that is developed in their relationships with their friends of the same gender.

Throw in a healthy dose of Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24 in your girls' ministry. It will help your girls see the characters in the Bible as real people, and it will give them something to mull over in their current relationships as well.

When Ministry Gets Tough

2012-06-04T13:00:00Z

Sometimes ministry can be flat HARD. People annoy you. You don't feel appreciated. The Enemy tries to derail, discourage, and discredit you. So how do you handle those times? Ministry veteran Nancy Hamilton shares from her experience.