Is it true you can get stoned through other people - like second hand smoke? If so, chuck out your bongs and throw out the shrooms, cuz youtube’s biggest stoner has arrived. Either this guy’s on a 5 second delay or he’s high as a motherfucker. I lasted 1 minute of watching this dribble, before I realized it wasn’t going anywhere. But still…good a laugh.

Stoner boy claims he goes to college and lives in his parents basement, but I’m calling bullshit. If he was to tilt the webcam just a touch, we’d probably see pots of weed and ripped apart textbooks. Just so stoner boy knows, you can’t get smart off of smoking the textbook paper. I’ve tried it already and it doesn’t work. Don’t judge.

[Source: Cacamoron]

The Jonas Virgins made an appearance on TRL earlier today and as usual, tweenies did their nut. You MUST open the bottom right thumbnail. I seriously think that girl pissed her panties. Speaking of panties, I wonder what type of panties Pubehead likes. I’d totally be down for modelling some of my hole-ridden Bart Simpson jocks. That would be so hot!

Anygay, which one tickles your schmickle? Vote below.

[Images: JonasHQ]

 Penelope Cruz wants you all to know that she’s ugly and you’re beastly. In a recent interview with Parade.com, she was asked about her beauty secrets and replied,

“I don’t have any. I don’t think I am beautiful. I can look good and I can look ugly. What’s funny is that when I was younger I wanted everyone to look at me. Now I like to watch other people because you can learn a lot of interesting things.” 

How cute. She calls herself ugly and then goes onto say that she doesn’t like attention - ironic, no? And Pene sweetie honey, stop dribbling shit. There’s only so much crap I can be fed before I lose it faster than Tom Cruise loses his shit after a good ramming up the naughty no no hole. I hope Pene learns to shut her yapper after this, cuz if she spits out another dumb bitch comment, she will be blacklisted. She’s been warned!

 George Bush keeps a close eye on the women’s Volleyball whilst making an appearance at this weekend’s Beijing Olympics.

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[Image: Mollygood]

Now we know the real reason why Tori Spelling isn’t reprising her role as Donna Martin in the revamped 90210.

Months back, Tori signed onto the show for a reported $10, 000 to $20, 000 an episode but later pulled out for ‘mysterious reasons’. Turns out the bitch wanted more money! When she found out that her former co-stars Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty had signed onto the show for much larger pay packets - rumored to be between $35, 000 and $50, 000 an episode - Tori got pissed and demanded equal pay. The producers, being as smart as they are, basically told her to shove it and she pulled out.

Let’s get something straight here. Tori isn’t even an actress and if she had had the sense back in the 80’s, she would have signed up to play Janice from the Muppets. Seriously, they could of just replaced the puppet with her ugly face and no one would have blinked an eye! She probably thought she was too hot for that shit just like she thought was worth more than 10K an episode to play a character my nan could play better with her eyes closed.

Lynne Spears is coming out with a blab-all book on her family’s life in the spotlight and just like I predicted, it sounds boring as bat shit.

“Sincere, self-effacing, sometimes spunky, Lynne’s memoir reveals the heart of a mother who has struggled through difficult times and how she has held onto her faith and her sense of humor as she tries to hold onto her family.“

For one, I doubt there’s anything we don’t already know about Shitney and secondly that book should be called Parental tips 101 from Lynne Spears: How to get your 16 yo daughter preggers. She could stick a picture of herself getting gnarly with Jamie-Lynn at some skank party on the cover. Dina Lohan would be so jealous!

[Image: Allie Is Wired]

 The Veronicas just announced to their millions of fans (lol) that they’re going on tour with the Jonas Virgins. They’ll be taking over from current opening act Tranny Lovato on August 24 for the Burnin’ Up tour in North America.

What, so we’re supposed to believe that because they’ve have invited titty flashing skanks on their tour that they’re not gay? Girlfriend, please. If they really wanted to prove their hetero, they’d be plucking those fat, acne-ridden tweens out of the crowd two fold at a time and taking them back to their hotel rooms for “sexy times”. The paps would get their photos, their street cred would improve and no one would ever know that they spent all those hours playing chess.

Starting from the top left…AVERAGE, UGLY, FUGLY, UGLY, FUGLY, UGLY and UGLY. I’m not sure what that averages out to be, but It would be close to downright fug. Imagine having been the photographer that day.

“All together now…smile! OK let’s try that again. Miley, try not to open your mouth. It makes you look like a chipmunk. Trace, I need you to turn your head to the left. No wait, to the right. On second thought, would you mind just stepping out of the photo? Thanks. And the lady at the back, I need you to put that mane over your face or at least try not to look like a stunned horse. C’mon people, hustle!”

This is what happens when lesbians make babies! Wait, the thing with the mullet is a lezzie, right? Just kidding, I knew it was Billy Ray. What’s funny is that was him in his hey day and he still looked like a constipated lezbot. And as for that broad faced trollop on the right - the one he calls a wife - she really shouldn’t try the sexy, tousled hair look. It makes her look like a $2 hooker staring down desperate old pedo’s for crack money. She probably tried that on Billy Ray and it was love at first sight.

[Image: Oceanup]

Looks like Holly Madison’s getting too old for Hef. The National Enquirer is reporting that Pepaw is falling for the charms of a woman outside his trio of pet skanks. The new skank is a Ukrainian model named Dasha Astafieva. The two have been spied holding hands and Hef has even attended some of her naked photo shoots.

If I was Hef, I’d hire a few new bodyguards cuz Holly’s gonna be pissed! Bitch doesn’t want anyone ruining her chances of being the lucky girl to get pregnant with Pepaw’s frozen spermsies. She’s probably even bugged Paris Hilton’s vagina for extra security. Smart move in my book. As for the other two skank bunnies, they probably won’t give a rats ass - I mean, it’s Hef for gods sake! His peen is probably ribbed with layers upon layers of wrinkles. Ugh!