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Since I am #50AndFabulous, I am sharing 50 lessons I have learned throughout my life.

I hope they are helpful to you.

1. Avoid feelings of jealousy and envy.
2. Be confident and never let them see you sweat.
3. Be vulnerable with people who will not exploit, use or take advantage of you.
4. Buy a home.
5. Buy life insurance.
6. Buy long-term care insurance.
7. Cheer for other people – especially Black people and women.
8. Compete with one person only – yourself.
9. Date different people before committing to and/or marrying one.
10. Decline invitations to events you do not want to attend and do not offer explanations. For example: I appreciate the invitation. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend. Thank you for inviting me and best wishes for a successful event!
11. Do not allow able-bodied adults to live with you – unless you are romantically involved with them. Help them in other ways.
12. Do not allow others to steal your joy.
13. Do not ask your elderly, fixed-income parents for money. Give THEM money.
14. Do not befriend people who commit adultery or who are side pieces. They have no boundaries and will cross yours.
15. Do not commit to someone who will watch you struggle. They need to help you or get out of your life.
16. Do not compare yourself to others. YOU are enough.
17. Do not date people you work with.
18. Do not defend your oppressors – no matter their race or gender.
19. Do not get married if you do not want to.
20. Do not have children if you do not want them.
21. Do not live a life of guilt.
22. Do not loan people money.
23. Do not make your significant other responsible for your happiness. Your happiness is YOUR responsibility.
24. Do not marry anyone who would be unwilling to die for you and kill for you.
25. Do not move back in with your parents after graduating from college.
26. Do not put others’ needs above your own.
27. Do not sneak around after you turn 18. Do it in the open or not at all.
28. Follow your gut instincts. They are God’s whispers in your ear.
29. Follow your own life journey – not your parents’.
30. Get a driver’s license.
31. Give to charities whose core values match yours.
32. Go to college or learn a trade that will sustain you for life.
33. Have multiple streams of revenue.
34. Identify and leverage your strengths, talents and gifts.
35. Invest your money.
36. Keep your inner circle small and tight.
37. Learn how to defend yourself and your family.
38. Live below your means.
39. Live outside of your home state at least one year out of your life.
40. Live with your significant other before marrying them.
41. Maintain good credit.
42. Maintain professional boundaries.
43. Nip bullying in the bud immediately.
44. Pay your bills on time.
45. Pick your bosses and employees wisely.
46. Put your “oxygen mask” on first. You cannot help others if you cannot help yourself first.
47. Realize that all Black people do not love you, and all White people do not hate you.
48. Remember that no man is your last chance.
49. Say “no” when you do not want to do something. Do not apologize for it.
50. Speak up and advocate for those without a voice.

By now, most of us have heard of Zoombombing.

Unfortunately, most of the Zoombombers are racist and violate the Zoom sessions with racist, offensive and derogatory remarks. 

Following are five strategies you should employ if you are leading a Zoom meeting and are Zoombombed:

1. End the meeting immediately. Do not subject your meeting attendees to any more of this abuse than necessary. These violations are traumatic. Continuing the meeting as if nothing happened is just as offensive as the actions of the Zoombombers.
2. Inform your chief PR officer. These incidents are making the news and going viral on social media. Give your chief PR officer a heads-up so that they can be prepared if the media find out about the Zoombombing and contact your organization.
3. Apologize to the Zoom meeting attendees. Follow up with the attendees after the meeting to apologize and reschedule the meeting.

Following is an example of an appropriate apology:

[Name of your employer] is deeply sorry for the despicable behavior displayed by today’s Zoombombers. Their behavior and words were hate-filled, offensive and counter to [Name of your employer]’s core values. We reject this behavior and these words and will never tolerate them. We will put the necessary measures in place to ensure this type of situation does not occur again. Again, we are very sorry. Thank you.

Following is an example of an inappropriate “apology”:

[Name of your employer] is sorry for ending the session early. We will put the necessary measures in place to ensure this type of situation does not occur again. Thank you.

The first apology tackles a tough topic head on and demonstrates courage and decency. Basically, it’s the right thing to do, feel, say and write. The second “apology” demonstrates ignorance and tone deafness. Most decent people would be outraged and embarrassed by it.

4. Ask your IT department to try to identify the Zoombomber. An IT expert identified his employer’s Zoombomber and called their cell phone. What did the Zoombomber do when the IT expert identified himself? The coward hung up the phone. When possible, share the Zoombombers’ names and contact information with local law enforcement agencies. If the Zoombombers are part of your organization, “free up their future.”
5. Put in mechanisms to lessen the chance of another Zoombombing occurring. Work with your IT department to master the features necessary to “lockdown” Zoom to prevent Zoombombing. Document the process in a checklist that you can refer to over and over again.

Do you have other strategies to offer?

My team and I have been working remotely for almost two weeks, and we are doing well. I am proud of them, and I do not hesitate to tell them. Following are the 10 strategies I am employing to effectively lead, motivate and inspire them.

1. Discuss expectations early on

Several members of my team had already been working at least one day remotely. This has been the practice for several years – way before the global pandemic. Therefore, they are well aware of the expectations. In addition, these expectations are clearly explained in our team guide, which is required reading for every member of my team.

2. Schedule regular divisionwide Zoom meetings

My division is comprised of four departments. Each department is led by a director. They report to me. The entire division meets once a week per Zoom. I lead the meetings and ask each team member these questions: How are you? How is your technology? They answer authentically, and I commend them for doing so. Because my team is close-knit, they truly enjoy this time together. Their laugher permeates throughout the internet.

3. Schedule regular meetings with my direct reports

I always meet regularly with my direct reports. These meetings are continuing – except they are held via Zoom. I have found continuity is important during crises. The more I stick to my regular schedule, the better for my team.

4. Host virtual events

In addition, I am hosting virtual events for my team. For example, I just hosted a virtual potluck luncheon for my team via Zoom. We did the following:

• Turned on our web cams
• Ate
• Played games (they played the Quarantine Nickname game, where you share how you feel and tell the last thing you ate. Examples are Happy Pizza, Disturbed Burritos).
• Talked
• Laughed
• Shared stories (We showed our special pictures and favorite memes by sharing our screens or holding our cell phones up to our computer cameras)
• Bonded
• Chatted (The comments were hilarious. When I need a pick-me-up, I will read the comments that they typed in the chat window. By the way, you can download the chat for later use)

They loved it, so we will do another virtual potluck luncheon in April and May.

Also, I found a clever game on Facebook, asked my team to complete it and promised them that the winner would receive a gift card. The response was positive, and those who responded indicated how much they enjoyed the game. One member of my team commented that the game allowed her to take her mind off of life’s pressures.

5. Answer their questions authentically

I encourage my team to ask me anything, and they do. If I can answer their questions, I will. If I cannot answer their questions, I tell them I cannot and give them an idea when I might be able to do so. They appreciate my honesty, candor and transparency. Lying is never an option.

6. Address the “elephants in the room”

For many people, the elephant in the room was how to discuss work-from-home expectations with employees – knowing that many of them would have to care for their children while working from home.

My employer’s policy allows colleagues to work from home, but colleagues must have childcare to benefit from this privilege. Therefore, if you work from home, your children must be cared for by others. Due to the global pandemic, we have waived this aspect of the policy. Schools and daycares are closed, so colleagues have no choice but to work from home while their children are at home.

To support my team members who are now working from home while their children are there, I sought advice from my direct reports who have children. They offered this advice, which we shared with the entire team:

• Work before your children get up in the morning
• Work while your children are taking naps
• Work after your children go to bed at night
• Ask a friend to keep your children while you work and return the favor (especially if you and the friend have different work schedules)
• Work when you can and communicate with your supervisor if you cannot work a full day due to having your children at home
• Ask your significant other to do their part (if applicable)

I expressed sympathy that some members of my team are having to work remotely while their children are at home. However, I made it clear that they are still expected to be professional. It is expected that we will occasionally hear a child crying in the background or hear a dog barking. However, that cannot happen often – for obvious reasons. I encourage leaders to have these types of conversations – though difficult – because it is what good leaders do. Also, I am a great, supportive and family-oriented leader and expect my direct reports to be as well. However, I reminded my team that having these types of conversations does not mean that someone is anti-family or anti-children. I know that can be the narrative – especially when leaders may not have children themselves.

7. Give them “space” to vent

We are fighting a global pandemic. Therefore, naturally, members of my team will have bad days, days full of stress and heartache and days they just need to vent. I tell my team that we are humans – not robots. Therefore, we have the right to feel angry, overwhelmed, afraid and anxious. When my team needs to vent, they do so freely. There is no judgment, retribution or condemnation. Because my team is predominately female, it is important that this safe space to vent be provided.

8. Allow them to “own” their work schedule

As I mentioned, my team has been allowed to work remotely at least one day a week for several years. Therefore, the only difference now is that they are doing it every day in light of the global pandemic.

Since my entire team and I started working remotely almost two weeks ago, I instituted common work hours to ensure we are still able to meet, connect, bond and collaborate as a team. Therefore, each day, from 10 a.m.-noon and 1-2 p.m., the entire team must be working. For the rest of the day, they can work any schedule they would like through 11:59 p.m. Again, they love the flexibility. To add even more awesomeness, some members of my team work four days per week instead of five.

9. Hold them accountable

My team is required to complete a daily work log and submit it to their directors (who are my direct reports) and me. This is about accountability and responsibility and not about micromanagement. As a rule – before the global pandemic struck – I did not allow low-performers or those struggling with their job duties to work from home. If they cannot perform their job duties at work, it is unlikely they will be able to perform them at home.

10. Offer financial assistance

My direct reports and I agreed to offer some financial assistance – from our personal funds – to help any member of the team who is struggling with food insecurity. I sent an email to the team and told them that any assistance provided would be kept confidential and reminded them that no one gets through life without help from others. Whether a colleague accepts our offer or not, sending the email was the right thing to do. Even if people do not accept the party invitation, they just want to be invited to the party.

Do I believe more employers will embrace working remotely when the pandemic ends? Yes, I do. To retain high-performers, employers will have to allow more people to work remotely. Not everyone will want, request, desire or deserve this option. That is why – when things get back to normal – this privilege should be reserved for high-performers.

Malcolm X said it best: “The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.”

Other women of color have similar experiences. We are double minorities – of color and women.

We are not victims. We are survivors and thrivers. However, the fact remains that despite all of our many qualities, strengths and talents, we are disrespected, unprotected and neglected in the workplace.

I am going to share five ways that YOU can advocate for women of color in the workplace. There are many more ways. However, I will focus on five ways. To remember the five ways, please remember this word: GRACE.

• Give them the benefit of the doubt
• Respect, acknowledge and leverage their candor, courage, loyalty, strength and talents
• Afford them the same opportunities that you would give a White person and/or a male
• Care privately AND publicly
• Expose instances of racism and sexism

• Give them the benefit of the doubt. When you hear complaints about women of color, ask the complainer what HE or SHE did. Most women of color do not start disagreements, but they will certainly end them. Also, give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them what happened. Chances are the woman of color did what White people and men do all of the time – expressed her opinion.
• Respect, acknowledge and leverage their candor, courage, loyalty, strength and talents. Women of color are some of the most brilliant and talented people in the world. If you respect, acknowledge and leverage their talents, you will have a loyal supporter for life. When others betray and turn against you, they will not. They will not always agree with you, but they will remain loyal. They have the fortitude to remain in the kitchen and withstand the heat when others are running for the door.
• Afford them the same opportunities that you would give a White person and/or a male. The next time you are considering a White person or male for an opportunity simply because you share the same demographics, consider giving that same opportunity to a woman of color. She is not asking for anything that she does not deserve Remember that not every White person and male deserve the opportunities they have been afforded. Do not have double standards for women of color.
• Care privately AND publicly. If you privately tell a woman of color that you support her, be prepared to shout that same level of support from the rooftops. Others will be less likely to target her if they know that you support her. Be authentic in that private and public support. Women of color tend to despise inauthenticity, and they can spot a phony a mile away.
• Expose instances of racism and sexism. It’s not enough to declare that you are anti-racist or anti-misogynistic. Women of color need you to expose those ills and get rid of the racists and misogynists – especially if you are in positions of leadership. Racists and misogynists are bad for business. You should get rid of bad people who can negatively impact your culture and bottom line.

I am grateful to you. For real. You exemplify everything that I am not and everything that I never want to be. Working with you makes me appreciate high performers that much more.

Here is what I know about you:

1. Your work is adequate at best.
2. You blame your bosses and co-workers for your mistakes – which you make often.
3. You blame your bosses and co-workers for your low self-esteem – which you struggled with before they even met you.
4. You blame others for your problems – even problems that you created and have had for many years.
5. You claim that you are afraid to speak up when you are unhappy about something at work, but you are not afraid to badmouth your bosses and co-workers.
6. You claim that you do not have a voice, but you often say “I have nothing to add” or “I agree with her” when asked your opinion.
7. You rarely have original thoughts and ideas.
8. You lie and deceive.
9. You play the victim.
10. You stir the pot.
11. You manipulate those who also have low self-esteem.
12. You seek allies, who want to help you because you are perceived as “nice” and “sweet.” They have no idea about the “real” you. However, your bosses know who and what you are.
13. You do not like working for women – even if you are a woman yourself.
14. You claim to be progressive and inclusive. You just do not want to work for “one of them” – especially Black women.

High performers do not like working with people like you. You are the weak link in the chain, and they know it. The question is: Do you know it? No one wants to hitch their wagon to a low performer.

When you know better, you do better. IF you have the capacity to do better, I hope that you do.

In the meantime, do us all a favor and resign. Start your own business or work for an organization that embraces low-performing behavior. You will then get a taste of the real world and MAYBE realize how misguided you were as a low performer on someone else’s payroll.

#ByeFelicia

Please know how grateful I am for you. You work hard. You consistently produce quality and meaningful work. You are committed to the cause, and you go beyond the call of duty. You follow policies, procedures and laws, and when you do not agree with them, you communicate that to the appropriate people in appropriate ways.

When you see something that can be improved, you initiate a conversation and you come to the table with solutions. When ideas are presented, you are confident challenging and “poking holes” in them. That confidence is admired. The best part is that you disagree, challenge and poke holes professionally and unapologetically.

At work, you do not stir up drama, badmouth others out of jealousy or try to pit people against each other. You do not contribute to a hostile work environment or mistreat those without privilege or authority. You strive for excellence – not perfection.

When you have a problem, you go to the people with authority who can help you to solve it. You realize that huddling in a corner or office with others who have no authority is simply gossiping, and that no good will come of it.

You do not have a sense of entitlement, and you respect authority – but you also feel comfortable challenging it professionally. You are a straight shooter, and you are loyal. However, that does not mean you are always in agreement. No one agrees with everyone all of the time – nor should they.

Being a high performer is about your work product, your work ethic, your attitude and your core values.

Thank you for demonstrating all that is good about the workforce. That is why I am drawn to high performers like magnets.

#HighPerformersRock