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When pain outshines love

Walter Cabelis — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:45:35 +0000

A close friend of mine has once again consulted me about a dream he had recently. Again, it was about the person he loves and how she had changed along with the passing of their relationship.

He narrates…

I find myself in a fight with her. No matter how much I try to give light, she would go deaf; instead she would snag me with her ballistic rhetoric of all my errors. Being mild as I know myself in such a defeating situation I was surprised to found my heavy palm speeding in her cheeks. I did not know what came over me but I was full of regret for what I did. But remorse seemed defeated by the anger that has brewed in me.

Knowing her to be unforgiving in matters that trample her feeling she lashes back like a thunder. I knew then that it was over for us and am ready to suffer such fact.

As I watch her leave I can’t forget the picture of anger in her face, it was as if it was carved in stone and shall remain with her. I stand bewildered as the feeling of love and hate battles within me. My reason prods my feet to run after her but my feelings was so beaten that all my energies were drained.

Was I wrong to hurt her?

Yes I was.

Do I still love her?

Yes I do.

The why I have let her go?

Such question I find hard to answer. How can loving someone bring much pain? How can the person you love expect the things you cannot give? Why do they see the bad instead of the good?

At such moment, my friend stood silent. After a brief reckoning I tell him:

Pain is of our own making. How we see and perceived things are what makes our reality. All things have their nature and if we resist such nature, imbalance arises within us. Let us not try to see things according to what we want to see; it’s far better to see everything in a bigger picture. Feelings are nothing more than the manipulations of our ego and should therefore be ignored; feel it yet not act under its influence. Whence hate is strong, forgiveness is the only thing that can conquer it.

Learn to forgive and you’ll see love.

Remain with your feelings and you shall rot with it.

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Technorati Tags: hate, love, relationship problems

Parenting: What have I been to my children

Walter Cabelis — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:11:01 +0000

As the chapter of my life unfolds with my becoming a parent, I find myself back in my early childhood days when I try to make sense of every action that my parents do. When either of my sons drew their validating look during those times I issue an uncompromising gesture over their actions, I remember myself the same when I was their age.

Time once halted as I watch them helplessly confined in the loving safety of their mother’s arms, but how it flies as they’ve learned their first step; alas, I see myself on a race to impart them the noble ways to survive in this complex system called life.

The thought of parenting style has suddenly played on my mind; I realize how I take for granted the responses that I’ve made in their presence. It came upon me that I should take into consideration the awareness of how to guide children as they grow up; and in their now preschool age I find this very vital.

Since my children do not have, in their tender age, deep comprehension of words, I try to speak in the language far more subtle yet familiar to them—the language of the eyes. Admonitions much I have enforced over their foul actions, and I let them understand in the emotions depicted in my eyes. But sometimes I wonder: is it enough to convey my intended message?

There are times when I inadvertently cause them physical pain. Though I feel the guilt afterwards, I came to deduce that pain is a necessity of growth— like a metal being molded into perfection by the harshness of fire and hammer. Caution however I practice in its application, for I have learned that pain causes hate. Such is the reason why it is said that we have to explain to our kids the reason for our inflicted pain, otherwise, resentments will brew upon their heart: and in time will evolve into hate. Pain needs to be reasonable, and should not be rooted on emotions, for it is the error of many that they hurt their children for no reason other than the whims of their emotions.

I am often deceived by what I think is love; I thought that giving my children what they want is a manifestation of my affection, but soon I learned that I have denied them the wisdom that one cannot have anything he wants in life. Being accustomed to getting everything can lead to arrogance and ungratefulness. I have witness this among the progenies of the rich, some have become so spoiled that they don’t care about anything other than their own satisfaction.

Loving someone entails the agony of allowing them to experience the undesirable. When my son wants something very badly, he would seek my blessing; but when I find it inappropriate, I will deny it. Then I have to bear the guilt of seeing him break down, with river of tears running his face. In time however, such disappointments will make him a better person, that he will learn that there’s always a reason why he cannot have the things he wanted, and such would teach him the virtue of humbleness.

The growth of my child is quickly passing before my eyes. Soon, he will gain his own independence and listen to me no more. But what I impart before such time shall be his guiding light. The day will come when I shall pass, and I want to rest with the knowledge that despite my imperfection I have done my best to shape them in goodness.

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Technorati Tags: Growth of child, How to guide children, Kids care, Parent, Parenting styles

The true nature of love

Walter Cabelis — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 07:22:07 +0000

A close friend of mine came to me with a question on his mind. It’s about a dream he had about a girl he once loved. He came to me with the following story.

Last night I had a very vivid dream; it was a dream about a lady whom I was once in love. Upon seeing her beautiful face for the first time after an apparent long absence, I was captivated by her enchanting smile: she was the love I have hoped but never had. I felt a deep feeling of longing and I want us to get back together.

I asked her how she had been and she responded with the countenance that speaks of the same longing I have for her. My heart shouts with joy for I have missed her a lot. As we amble on the familiar road, our shoulders touching each other, I can’t resist the urge to hug her. With no foul intent whatsoever, I wrap my shoulder on her and she reciprocated in such a sweet and similar manner. At that moment nothing maters; the only thing I’m aware of is the heavenly feeling of being with her. Though I know in my dream that ours could never be anymore, I would give up anything just to be forever in her arms.

It was all surreal until I woke up with the realization that it was just a dream. No, I said, I want to go back, I don’t want to lose her again. But such sweet moment has been trampled by reality. I was bedazzled by the manifestation that the beloved in my dream and the lady who is my wife was one and the same person. I got confused because I had a totally different feeling for her in my dream; the reality however of my being awake had made her a total stranger. What happened? Why did I have different feeling for one person? Was it the setting? Was it the time and place? I am confused.

Watching her deep asleep I have tried to consolidate her with her persona in my dream. Why have I love her so in such an illusory world?? Why do I have a strong feeling for her in that temporal dimension? Did that dream signify that I love her more during those times when I barely know her?

Those questions has ended my friend narration, and looked upon me searching for answers. With my limited wisdom I have tried to give him something to ponder upon. I told him that the beloved in his dream was just a manifestation of what was once his feeling for his wife; that he longs to go back to such a state of love over which everything about her was nothing but delight. Such I said was just a romantic love—and not love in its very essence.

Further I have stated: perhaps you may have lost those same feelings with your wife but that does not mean you don’t love her anymore. The true nature of love does not rely on feelings—for feelings alone constitutes deceit; acceptance, understanding and the willingness to make sacrifice is the mark of its true essence. Yes you may not have that romantic feeling of love with your wife, but deep in your heart you will realize that you do love her more, and one of its manifestations may befall in her absence. The very fact that you have dreamed about her proves your love for her, and though you may not have the same feeling for her as you had in your dream, she’s still the same person over which the object of your love.

Romance will always be a passing fancy and can never thrive for long in the reality of our existence. True love may start with a romance but will always culminate in the capacity of each to embrace growth and maturity; without such willingness, love will simply not bloom.

My friend departs still confused, but I know that one day he will find a crack in that enigmatic and the most misunderstood concept that is LOVE.

Finding it hard to even start with your goals?

Whether it’s breaking from poverty, getting your dream job, succeeding in business endeavors, losing weight, finding employment, getting a harmonious relationship, acquiring wealth and power, writing that bestselling book or any goals you want to materialize, there’s a force within you that will always inhibit you from achieving success. 99% of those who attempted with their goals fail, and the reason is their lack of knowledge about their very own participation in their failures. Our early conditioning programs us to fail but by identifying and overcoming them, success will favor your efforts. Let me help you in identifying them in my ebook below at a very low expense on your part.

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Technorati Tags: Dream about love, Get back together, How to get love back, Once was love, True love

Reasons why you fail in your weight loss efforts

Walter Cabelis — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:37:32 +0000

Why am I not losing weight?

Such lines are the common enigma among those who try to shed their excess body weight.

Amidst their efforts of daily exercise and dieting, things seem not to be working out. Is there something wrong with their methods? Are they missing out something?

If you’re one of them, then you should take heed of these following factors affecting your weight loss efforts.

You eat more than your body requires

You wonder, “I jog everyday and go to the gym to workout, but the pounds in my scale is increasing. Why is it so?”

Perhaps you should take into serious consideration the amount of food you intake everyday. No matter how hard you work on a slimming program, without the aid of a proper diet, all your efforts will be in vain. Eat only what your body needs and don’t succumb to frequent binging. Count the calorie content of each food item that you take and don’t exceed the minimum calorie requirement that your body needs.

But what’s my minimum calorie requirement?

To save you the time to calculate, visit http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm to know your minimum caloric intake.

The rule is to gradually reduce your caloric intake so that your body will not have the opportunity to store fat. Also, this will force your body to burn fat, especially during your workouts periods.

You don’t workout on a regular basis

Keep in mind this truth: Workout will only manifest its weight losing effect if you do it religiously—despite the admonitions of pain, stress and hard work. Trimming weight is no easy task, and you have to endure the hardships inherent therein. But being in the gym alone is not enough, you have to give all your efforts in all your workouts, otherwise, you’ll never see any concrete result.

You eat foods that triggers your system to gain weight

Be very meticulous of the foods you eat, for they are the number one culprit why you are not losing weight. As much as possible stay away from processed foods and fast foods; they contain high amounts of trans fats that triggers your body to store fat. It’s better to make your own meal: at least you know what goes in it.

You don’t aid yourself with supplements

While many are against supplements—contesting that they have adverse effects on our bodies—I believe that there’s no harm in trying. There are many slimming supplements out there and some of them do work. Why not try them yourself?

The rule of the thumb is that you must choose the ones that have long been in the market and have high approval ratings from those who have already used it. At least you’ll be assured of its effectiveness and quality.

You don’t have the right knowledge

The more you know about something, the better is your understanding, and with such comes the effectiveness of all your actions towards it. When you want to lose weight, you need to learn the effective methods that will put you closer to that end. Doing something without the knowledge of whether it’s effective or not will only bring frustration. Remember that knowledge is power. The more you familiarize yourself with the mechanics of losing weight, the more you will be effective in your approach, and thus success shall be on your side.

You’ve become impatient

In this fast-track age, people have become more impatient when it comes to seeing result. Everybody wants to see some changes right away without the understanding that time is a crucial element for every transformation that we aspire. Since time has a rule of its own when it comes to certain aspects that require its intervention, we get impatient and simply give up.

Try to understand that losing weight takes time. Your impatience will only make you fail.

I have become tired of my failures and so I share with you here some of what I’ve learned. I hope these advices will save you time and effort in your weight losing endeavors.

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Technorati Tags: Calories to lose weight, Diet information, Why am I not losing weight, Workout program

3 insidious attitudes that’s causing you misery

Walter Cabelis — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 04:31:54 +0000

Believe it or not, most of our miseries are caused by us; no matter how much we try to point it to something, we are actually the ones making it. Our sources of problems are not really found on the things we think have caused it; rather, the insidious attitudes that we allow to manifest are the true culprits that agitates our sense of complacency. And unless we can identify, acknowledge and resist these certain attitudes, we’ll have a hard time addressing a solution.

Desist on these following attitudes; they are the cause of your turmoil:

Bigotry

“The state of mind of a narrow-minded person who is intolerant of beliefs other than his or her own.”

Bigots I have observed have a lot of problems in life.

Why?

They simply cannot tolerate some undeniable facts about life. Instead of yielding or adapting, they stick to their crooked beliefs even though it’s wrong.

Much of our problem comes from our inability to accept certain facts as truth; we see it, experience it, deduce reason from it, yet we are stubborn in accepting it. A certain colleague of mine has have problems dealing with other people. She is old yet she does not act her age. No matter how much her friends try to point out her errors, she does not accept it and points at others as the faulty ones. Her world has become small because of her bigotry, and until she becomes open to accept her faults she will continue wondering why she’s having relationship problems with others.

Allowing bigotry into our minds will keep us from expanding our horizons.

Jealousy

“Resentful or painful desire for another’s advantages.”

Get jealous and you’ll start poisoning your reason. Jealousy is a traitor that can lead you to act in ways that you’ll regret later on. We feel it without being aware, act upon its dictum by trying to satisfy its whim, and when we fail we become problematic. In his pursuit to outshine his neighbor’s newly renovated house a friend of mine got a huge sum of loan in order to improve his own house. Problem arises when he later on realized that he’ll be going to adopt austerity measures in order to meet the monthly payment warranted by his loan. Had he not allow jealousy to conquer him, he should have not suffered the meagerness he’s now experiencing.

Hate

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Did you not find hate to be tiring?

While it is natural for us to hate, I see no benefit in harboring it. I came to hate some people in my life and there is that powerful tendency not to forgive. But the more I hate, the more I burden myself with the heavy feelings of resentments that give me nothing but stress.

Have you observed yourself when you inadvertently came in contact with the person you hate?

Yes that right, your mood changes; you have that awkward feeling and the memory of your experience with that person is revisited. But note this: it’s you who get affected, it’s you who will suffer and it’s you that will get agitated—not the object of your hate.

If you want peace, learn to let go of hate and allow forgiveness to manifest in you.

I hope you’ll contemplate about this. Life is too short to trouble ourselves of the things not worthy of our time and energy.

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Not measuring up? Don’t let them manipulate you!

Walter Cabelis — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 04:35:15 +0000

All of us have abilities to make the best out of the things we do in life; but oftentimes, we hinder ourselves of such because we tend to focus on the expectations others claim upon us: this propensity I call measuring up. Instead of putting our minds on our unique gift in handling things, events and situation, we allow ourselves to be manipulated by the measures setup by people around us. As a consequence, we have deprived ourselves of realizing what we are truly capable of; instead, we put much premium on the question: how do I measure up with these people?

Because we let ourselves be affected by the judgment of others we tend to fall short of doing our best. While others selfishly beat us up by proving we don’t measure up, we foolishly entertain such as fact—and then we live our life accordingly. We have become a loser because we have chosen to let the judgment of others define us.

Is this the kind of existence we want?

Do we truly believe that we are what they say we are?

There are people in my life that have let me down, and though they may have done so inadvertently, it has affected me in ways that crumble my self worth. Many times I have been measured by my “lack” or “shortcomings.” These people judge me according to their expectations of what they think is appropriate or acceptable—not on the good things that I do. They tell me I’m not good enough because I lack this and I lack that, and unless I take heed of their observation, I will fare no better in their eyes.

Such a scenario some of us have experienced many times in our lives. But will we really earn something if we allow ourselves to be enslaved by such measurement/judgment/expectation thrown to us by others? Perhaps there may be good intentions, the problem however is that we tend to live within the limiting cells of their criticisms. Our faith in ourselves starts to get compromised and slowly, our sense of self worth begins to corrode. We begin to focus on the picture they have painted us—not on discovering who we truly are.

Now I tell you: Don’t get mired on what they say about you so long as you don’t hurt anybody intentionally. Nobody’s perfect, and their measuring up only proves their inability to address their own lack. Do what you have to do to improve yourself. Know your mistakes and learn from it. Know your weakness and work on it. Perfection is not a reality of this life because everything is in constant change, and with such change that makes possible the balance in everything.

What you do at each moment of your life has its corresponding consequences. Brooding on the judgment of others is a terrible waste of time. We’ve only got one moment of life; be wise enough to use it to bring out the best in you. If you give your best, you’ll be an instrument of inspiration to others.

Have faith in yourself.

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Technorati Tags: Fall short of, How do I measure up, Indignation, Measure up

The only thing that can conquer FEAR

Walter Cabelis — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 04:36:10 +0000

Fear has always been a powerful force that dominates our being whenever our sense of complacency is compromised. Overcoming fear is difficult since it is hardwired within our system, but this does not mean we should surrender and allow it dominate our mind—we must learn how to deal with it.

But how to conquer fear remains a great question. Once we feel fear, our problem solving mechanism is put to halt; anxiety and false imaginings starts to negate any initiative that will alleviate us from such undesirable lot. We tend to confine ourselves in that constant depiction of illusory reality where our fears are already manifesting. Hence, we fail to see the light that’s within the present moment.

To step above fear we must first learn to tackle our higher awareness; without such awareness we won’t be able to handle fear’s underlying effect on our being. Our mind is controlled by our senses and from such comes derivative emotions—fear is predominant of them. Because of this, we unconsciously respond in ways that blinds us from seeing the whole picture of what’s really happening as well as the alternative courses of action to employ.

So what should I do? You ask.

Allow it as it is. Don’t resist. But let your higher awareness be in control.

I don’t understand what you mean? You say.

Imagine yourself being bitten by a poisonous snake. Because of fear you tend to panic and you think of nothing except of your eminent doom. But if you step above fear by accepting what has happened, your higher awareness will take control by commanding your mind to put its focus on how you will survive; then and only then that your mind will think of ways on how you will preserve yourself. The fear is there, you can feel it, but you can manage to override its domination by taking control of your mind via your higher awareness.

Remember this: Only when we let go of our mind and body that we are able to manifest our higher awareness. To do this one must learn not to resist what is already happening. Without such resistance of the mind and body, the infinity within us will effortlessly flow to help us conquer our limitations.

I must admit though that summoning our higher awareness is not an easy task. The common belief of man is that we think we are creatures bestowed with free will; sadly, this has not been our inherent privilege since we were born. If you make a thorough analysis of yourself, you’ll find that the choices and responses you make in life are but the dictum of your emotions and the shaping factors that you’ve grown with—you don’t really act with full awareness. Therefore, you must live each moment with the awareness that your fears are but the product of your very own biological nature, culture, belief system, and childhood influences—they are not who you are!

Fear is a characteristic of the mind and body. To conquer it you must first learn to know who you really are sans the shaping factors that make you who you are right now. Sadly, it is only during our eminent doom that we only see the true being that is within us. There are those who are few and the wise who take the journey of discovering what we are beyond our physical manifestations. I hope you will take the journey, long before it’s too late. When you finally find your true self, any form of fear will have no power over you anymore—even death itself.

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Technorati Tags: Fear game, fear of failure, Feel fear, How to conquer fear, Overcoming fear

How to resolve money issues in marriage

Walter Cabelis — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 07:19:59 +0000

Money problems can oftentimes be a very big issue in marriage. If one or both couples are not financially well-off, problems in relationship in terms of money issues may arise. Sometimes it can lead to marriage conflict resulting in unwanted breakage between couples if not resolved early on.

Financial problems have always been a part of everyday struggles for majority of us. Interestingly, when it comes to money, we tend to be very mindful of how we use it. As a consequence, arbitrary preferences in the appropriate use of one’s finances are a major source of conflicts among couples—each wants to control the other’s financial behavior, and when there’s resistance on each, resentments reign.

There are many things that change once an individual enters marriage; one of such is the need for responsible handling of one’s spending habits. Unlike when we were single, we have sole disposal of our financial resources, in marriage however, we always need to take into consideration our responsibility to use our money for the greater benefit of the marriage—including the ensuing family.

But how can you define a responsible handling of one’s finances in marriage?

I believe that as long as you do your best to address your marriage’s financial requirements without depriving yourself of your own legitimate need, you are being responsible.

Understandably in marriage however, each has expectations of how the other should handle their finances. It is of no help if each will start bickering about the “appropriate” spending priorities—this method will not resolve anything.

To resolve money issues in marriage, each must have a level of understanding over the legitimacy of the other’s spending behavior; each must understand the limits of the other and be not critical should there be an inadvertent shortcoming. So long as your husband gives some priority on bills and food on the table, don’t criticize him if he spends money on beer; as long as your wife gives her financial contribution of her family needs, there’s no need to question her regarding her shopping sprees.

Learn to understand the financial capability of the other in relation to the obligations he must meet.

If you observe that his financial capability is declining, never readily assume irresponsibility; perhaps factors like the market forces have something to do with it—there are many instances that ones spending power deviates because of inflation or high prices of basic commodities. Also, there are some inevitable instances when there’s an outside force that will require financial attention—of course, this has to be legitimate. For example, your partner’s mother may need financial assistance due to emergencies; in such an instance, it’s reasonable that you give consideration to such outside expense; after all, it’s a close relative.

A truth however one must learn: that some people are indifferent enough to give consideration. In such an instance, you must learn to keep a secret from such spouse. Some may label this suggestion as ill-intended, but to keep harmony in marriage we must sometimes learn not to disclose everything to our partners if we find it more beneficial to the well-being of our marriage.

In the enigma of money and marriage, responsibility, understanding, consideration and open communication are the keys that will transgress any conflicts. Be not too strict and allow elbowroom for each other’s isolated mishandlings or inadvertent arbitrariness in the handling of one’s finances. Remember, there are more important things than money.

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DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. GROW IN SPIRIT:

Good relationship with people: 3 ways to make it happen

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Technorati Tags: Financial problems, Marriage conflict, Money and marriage, Money issues, Money problems, Problems in relationships

Have you failed to make money online? Here’s why

Walter Cabelis — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 06:40:45 +0000

Have you been pursuing your online endeavor for a time and still not earning any profit? Are you tired of following the schemes of some popular blogs regarding the methods of making money online yet end up in vain? Are you sick of implementing money makers on your site that does not serve its purpose?

You may tell yourself you have the right niche and know the mechanics of how to blog. You have learned about marketing, you have learned the avenues on which you can monetize online—still, nothing brings you closer from any tangible result.

Perhaps its time for you to halt and listen to these short piece of advice I have learned as I trudge my way in deciphering the trick on really earning online.

To earn online, you have to thrive and be patient

The first test of any online endeavor is patience: and very few pass this test! The reason there are many earn-quick schemes on the internet is due to the fact that there are many who actually believe that earning online is easy; they think that by just starting a blog and putting a hodgepodge of advertisements is enough to spill the cash.

Remember, making money online is a business, and like any other business, one must thrive to make it grow and practice patience amidst the seeming endless road. If you implement this virtue, opportunities will surely come along the way.

Making money online requires trial and error

Adsense may be a good avenue for earning money online but will it work for everyone? Many a-list bloggers will tell you that they have earned tons of cash through affiliates, e-books, coaching, etc., and they suggest you follow the same. The truth though is that some will work and others will not; your job is find what will fit your niche and focus on it. If one form of money-making method does not work, let it go and try another one. Try and try until you find that duck that lays the golden egg.

Making money online means formulating your own strategy

The possibilities are endless when it comes to generating income online. Have you observed those who are successful with their online endeavors? They formulate a way over which their product/service will stand above the rest. And one way they do this is incorporating their uniqueness on the methods they formulate. Finding the right prospect is not enough; competitors will always be on your way. Rising above your competitors means you have something the rest don’t have. Find that something and use it to your advantage.

Perhaps I am not an authority when it comes to money making online, but it is said that experience is the best teacher. What I have shared here are the knowledge I have earned as I find my way to succeed online. Yes I am finally earning after a time of seeming frustration—but such indeed is also part of the process.

Open your eyes…

Know what works…

Don’t be afraid to fail…

Experiment with the methods…

…and believe me that somewhere along these paths your reward awaits.

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