Secret Society of List Addicts

I Need to Get These Off My Chest. Or I'll Explode.

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 12:00:00 +0000

There are things that I love. There are things that I hate. I know my last post was on things I hate that everyone loves, and this may seem in the same vein, but it's not. This post is about things that make me very, very angry. Anger and hate are totally different. RIGHT?

That stupid emergency pull cord on the garage door opener that I hit EVERY SINGLE TIME I get out of the car. Usually, I manage to avoid it getting into the car, but I can never quite figure out where it is when I get out. And then flick. Right on my head. I hate that thing.

Waiting for my top coat to dry when I do my nails. SO FRUSTRATING. What's even more anger-making? When I don't wait long enough and end up with smudges or bubbles or scrapes. Grrrrrrr.

How excellent I am at procrastinating. You'd think I'd be thrilled with myself for being so good at something. I mean, I'm world class. I'd be Olympic caliber, but I'm a pro and don't truck with amateurs. Which, actually, brings me to another thing that's anger inducing - the idiocy of having professional athletes play in the Olympics. Seriously? What part of AMATEUR ATHLETE do you not get? And everybody's doing is is not an excuse. You're better than that.

The inability of my body to regulate its temperature. COME ON. I cannot possibly be freezing and then 15 minutes later suddenly be able to melt ice cubes by standing near them. That is just not right. And it particularly makes me angry that it's always in that direction - freezing to core reactor meltdown. Do you have any idea how hard it is to cool down?

What makes you angry? This list?

Standing Alone - And Being O.K. With It

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 12:30:00 +0000

by Suniverse

I know I'll probably lose a lot of people here and I'll come off as some kind of cranky old person [which I am, so whatever] but I can't handle hiding this anymore. Here is a list of things that people seem to love - TO LOVE! - that I cannot tolerate.

The Office. Seriously, that show is ridiculously bad. IT IS NOT FUNNY. A single sidelong glance when someone is being a douche is funny. A show built on the premise that that's all you have to do to bring the funny? Is lazy and un-funny.

As a subtopic - Steve Carrell. Not funny on The Daily Show, not funny on The Office, not funny in The 40-Year Old Virgin or that execrable movie with Tina Fey. In order to be deadpan funny, you have to be FUNNY. CF: Leslie Neilsen. You can't just mope around, idiot-like, shlumping in your every-day doofusness. You need to be able to bring it. And he cannot.

As a further subtopic - Judd Apatow Movies. Just awful. Not funny, not smart, not "Oh, so true to life!" They are a masturbatory exercise by a guy who thinks I AM THEREFORE I AM FUNNY. You. Are. Not.

Roasted Garlic. It tastes like burned feet. It ruins everything it touches. Either use garlic, or don't, but stop making that awful, awful paste and slathering it on stuff. It's not good.

What have you got, friends? Anyone left out?

Regional Foods That Make Me Never Wanna Leave My Favorite Places

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 14:12:00 +0000

I love food. It's just about the only thing out there that we can experience on a regular basis that engages all five senses ("What about smell?" you might ask, if you're a smart-mouth. To that I can only say, um, have you ever heard the hissing of a fajita and not loosed a few ounces of drool?), and it plucks the full suite of emotional nerves. Food is family, it's comfort and guilt and sadness and simplicity, it's birthdays and holidays and just plain ol' days. It's also just plain delicious.

One of my favorite aspects of food, though, is that it can tie you so strongly to a sense of place. Here are a few regional foods that I always carry with me:

Barbecue: I spent my youth in central coastal California, which -- little-known fact -- is the barbecue oasis in the grilled-meat wasteland of the Pacific states. In the little town where I grew up, tri-tip was the cut of choice, usually accompanied by an ear of sweet corn right from the grill, and none of this dry-rub stuff: we take our meat saucier than the secretary in a '60s film.

Sweet Potato Tacos: I'll be straight-up with you: when I lived in the Bay Area, sometimes I'd give myself a hangover just so I had an excuse to fully appreciate these little devils. Sweet potatoes! Caramelized onions! A slightly sweet, smoky salsa! They're candy in a tortilla.

Whoopie Pies: Some days these are the only thing keeping me in New England. Soft cakey cookies, sandwiching a hearty daub of frosting (preferably cream cheese frosting, for this dude). Um, why do people get so excited over mere cupcakes, when whoopie pies are an option?! And if you're asking yourself, "Wait, could those possibly get even better?!" Happy to inform you: YES! A little wiki sleuthing reveals they were originally called "hucklebucks". Did you -- did you just swoon a little from all the cute?!

Okay, my list is meager because I grew up in young upstart cities. Help me out, y'all! What are some regional foods you couldn't live without? The kookier, the better -- when I travel, the first (okay, okay, ONLY) thing I like to do is try the local cuisine. Give me a reason to visit every state on the map!

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind of Girl.

And the Winner Is . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Honestly, I can't tell you how happy these photos have made me. There's been constant giggling.

The runners up:

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lateenough/5520972193/" title="Even bears get cold by LateEnough, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5058/5520972193_d65475e5cd.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Even bears get cold" /></a>
By LateEnough

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/90972661@N00/5513586754/" title="Run Stork! by nonspleen, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5058/5513586754_d10c21a467.jpg" width="334" height="500" alt="Run Stork!" /></a>
By nonspleen

And the winner:

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/shesuggests/5521548732/

" title="mad scientist hair by shesuggests, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5176/5521548732_889c9801e8_z.jpg" width="428" height="640" alt="mad scientist hair" /></a>
by SheSuggests

Oh, my WORD - look at that face!

Thanks so much for entering.

The next contest will be the first week in May with the theme: SPRINGTIME!

Because those fucking April showers are going to be good for something.

Pandora Features I Need To See, Like, Yesterday

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Workin' a soul-crushing office job, 89-93% of the quality of my life is directly determined by Pandora's ability to discover a cheesy late-90s middle-school-dance song that I'd completely forgotten existed. A strategically placed boost of Tal Bachman's "She's So High" is the difference between chirping cheerily on the phone, or storming out for an "I QUIT!" coffee break. I -- I take my Pandora seriously. And, after much measured thought, here are a few features I think could make my life even better:

An "I need you never to play any version of this song again" button: Yeah, Pandora, it's not that I don't want to hear Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes" -- I just want to hear it live.

Skip whole artist: I'm sorry, world, I'm just never going to like The Beatles. I do, however, apparently like George Harrison's solo work? (Don't tell Pandora, though. I finally got it to stop playing "Hard Day's Night".)

Commercials that won't make me sound like a pervert to my boss: Why do I have so many Trojan commercials advertised?!

"Great song but not for this station": When I get a song I love, I need to jump on it immediately, but it's led to some kind of weird situations. Like my current favorite '80s Pop Slash Middle School Dance Party Jamz. Clearly my love for Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" deserves its own station.

Toggle controls for objective song qualities: I know the whole point of Pandora is that we don't even know all the qualities that make us love a song, but there are a few things I'm sure of. I know I prefer: fast songs, male vocalists, and hilarious accents.

I guess what I'm really looking for is a station that plays The Proclaimers' "I Would Walk 500 Miles" on a permanent loop, broken only by the complete discography of Matchbox 20.

...no, seriously. What're you looking for?

Posted by TKOG of Not That Kind of Girl.

For the betterment of all. But mainly me.

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:30:00 +0000

You know how you're always trying to make yourself a more grown-up type person? By you, I mean me, but really, if people in general would just follow my rules, I think everyone would be happy. Wait, that's a whole different issue..

Anyway, there are things about myself that I think I need to start doing so that I can feel like a grown-up, but I just can't seem to get myself there. Maybe one day I'll be able to:

Fill up the washer fluid in my car. I love to use it to clean my windshield, but when the car tells me it's low, I stop using it until I get my oil changed and someone else can take care of that. Or the husband does it. I'm sure I could, theoretically, take care of this, but really? It's pretty dirty and I already wash my hands enough.

Open a credit card bill without wincing. This is not because I am a profligate spender, but rather because during an extended period of unemployment, we ended up charging things like food and gas. Still, I would love to be in a position where I can be a big girl and open the bill and not lose my cool. Maybe that's less being a grown-up than it is being completely apathetic. Hmmm.

Actually taking care of the back corner of the yard. Which has become a complete jungle. Seriously. Woodland creatures are scampering around in there. I know it wouldn't take too long to get it taken care of, but I feel like someone else is responsible. Some grown-up who is better skilled at getting in and doing what needs to be done. I wonder what my mom is doing?

Confess, friends, what would make you feel like a grown-up?

by Suniverse

Most Delightful Anthropomorphic Snacks

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:48:00 +0000

Sadako is a twenty-something New York City denizen. She enjoys children and YA lit, making fun of bad movies, and blogging at Dibbly Fresh.

My favorite snack foods are low on nutritional value but heavy on personality. And the best snacks are anthropomorphic. Here are some of my favorite ones.

Animal Crackers. This traditional anthropomorphic treat is the little black dress of the snack food world. Animal Crackers are what I turn to when I want to feel as timeless and classy as an Audrey Hepburn character. After all, Shirley Temple sang about them and the Marx Brothers used them for a title of one of their films.

Teddy Grahams. I eat them when I want to feel vengeful. Remember when their jingle was an "homage" to Elvis's I Just Wanna Be Your Teddy Bear (Just want to eat those teddy grahams!). Teddy Grahams singlehandly did more to violate the memory of the King than Uncle Jesse, Bubba Ho-Tep and Conrad Birdie combined. I bite off every appendage before finally putting the Teddy Graham out of its misery to make this Nabisco treat suffer for its rock 'n roll sacrilege.

Goldfish. Goldfish historically had no cute faces. So there was no sadistic pleasure of eating "food with a face." But the best part of eating a Goldfish cracker was unleashing the inner old school sideshow geek within me that normally stays dormant unless I'm reading Geek Love or watching Tod Browning's Freaks.

Keebler Elves. I do love me some Keebler. But the inner liberal arts college student in me does rear up, wondering if it's "problematic" to eat a cookie based on little people. (It also rears up when I watch Pit Boss or Little People, Big World. Damned Normal Sized Person privilege.)

Shark Bites. Remember the tagline: Eat them before THEY eat you. I'm a big fan of preemptive measures, whether in nuclear war or in the world of processed foods.

Dunk-a-roos. I love the Dunk-a-roo. Along with the Handisnack, it transforms the eating process into an assembly line that Henry Ford would have been proud of. Plus, the Australians are one of the few remaining cultures we can still stereotype with impunity. (That and my love of marsupials are why I still buy Aussome Hair Spray.)

What's your favorite anthropomorphic snack?

Things that bug me about having a car in winter [other than that usual bitter cold stuff]

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:30:00 +0000

Sometimes I think I'd be better off hoofing it. Instead, because I live in the suburbs and work in other suburbs and mine is a major metropolitan area WITHOUT any reliable mass transit, I have a car. I already hate driving, but driving in winter? Oh, honey, no. Here's what gets me:

Washing the car. In that it's a dance that exhausts me. It obviously needs it, since my normally dark blue car is now a nice salty white, marking my clothes anytime I lean into the trunk to get groceries or brush up against the door trying to get in. But I can't wash it when it's going to snow, because then it'll just get covered in snow and instantly dirty. I can't wash it when it's too cold, because the locks and doors may freeze. I can't wash it ever, it seems like, because winter days are always one of those things.

The expectation that since you can drive, it's o.k. to drive in major snow. You know what? It's not. Not even a little bit. Laugh all you will at those southern cities who shut down at 2 inches of snow, but I think they have they right idea. We'd all be better off staying home when it snows even a little instead of trying to deal with idiot drivers who think that since they have an SUV, they are quite capable of driving the actual 45mph speed limit in 5 inches of snow. You're not. I mean, sure you can drive in 5 inches of snow. You just can't stop in 5 inches of snow. Which you'll find out when you try and brake. Good luck with that.

Pumping gas. This just sucks ass no matter the weather, but in winter? Oh, lord. There's the decision of whether to do it now, or wait in the hopes that the temps will bust out of the single digits. There's the further decision of whether to wear your gloves while you do it and risk getting gasoline all over them or take them off and have gas get on your hands. And please don't get me started on the aggravation of the stupid receipt machine running out of paper and you having to troop through dirty slush to the station to get your receipt. Or just leaving without it and telling the husband that you lost it.

Do you drive in winter? What sucks about it?

by Suniverse

The Best Way to Start Your Day

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 13:30:00 +0000

Every morning, without fail, I eat oatmeal for breakfast. Oatmeal, no sugar, a little cinnamon, some raisins and a splash of milk. That's it. Every day. I feel healthier, sure, but I start daydreaming sometimes about what I would eat if I was out of the oatmeal ghetto. Here are some of my favorite cold-weather breakfast foods.

Belgian Waffle. Oh, my. My, oh, my. I love those fluffy, crispy, whipped cream topped, syrup laden little nooks and crannies. I like to make sure each little square has its own shallow pool of syrup before I eat, but I'm careful to only pour a little syrup at a time, because I don't want it to get too soggy. Not a fan of the fruit topping, though. That seems overkill.

Pancakes. I like them cooked in butter on a sizzling grill. I like the thinner, larger ones, not the little silver dollar ones. These need to be plain, with the syrup on the side, so I can dunk each bite. I almost have to say that for pancakes, I like the fake maple syrup better than the pure maple syrup. I think because it's thicker and heavier and gooier. No whipped cream on these. Fruit . . . nah.

French Toast. Again, must be crisp. I don't like them dipped too long in the egg mixture - just a quick drag through and into the buttery frying pan. I like these with a bit of powdered sugar and real maple syrup on the side. And if they're made from a baguette? All the better.

O.k., friends, what's your favorite breakfast food?

by Suniverse

Movie Quotes That Should Become Memes

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Sadako is a twenty-something New York City denizen. She enjoys children and YA lit, making fun of bad movies, and blogging at Dibbly Fresh.

Movie quotes are everywhere. And these days, if they're popular, they don't just become part of a yearbook page: they become memes. Here are some great quotes that have already become memes and some that need to.

"Veggiesaurus, Lex! Veggiesaurus!" Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park has created its share of memes--"Clever girl" and Newman squealing at shaving cream come to mind. But the above meme has to happen. The meatless diet reigns supreme among hipsters. And admit it: the 5 year old inside of you still loves any dinosaur mention.

"Four for you, Glen Coco. You go, Glen Coco." Mean Girls

So many people get their inspiration from baby names. Think of the little girls named Madison from Splash and the fact that many kids may be named Max from Where the Wild Things Are. To counteract these rather dull names, I personally hope that Glen Coco gets some recognition.

"I'm six five, I weigh 220 pounds, and there are two of me." The Social Network

This one works on so many levels. It has to become the new You're the man now, dog! (And not just because I love using the term "Winklevi so much. Well, OK, partly.)

"Does versatile mean full of eggs?" Charlotte's Web

Oh, Wilbur, I know what it's like to be small, pink, clingy, and behind on my SAT vocab prep. I personally advise using this quote when you want to pretend that, dude, you totally knew that nonplussed meant confused, but you were just pretending you didn't. It's not as well known as some of the others, but for those of us confused by big words, it needs to happen.

"Can you just hold on for a second, I'm on my hamburger phone." Juno

Yes, Juno could get tiresome. And yeah, I think the hamburger phone gag is too twee for words. But something needs to replace the quacking duck phone that Snooki and JWoww are so partial to.

What other movie quotes need to make the transition into memes?

Things I Learned in College that didn't Come from a Textbook

noreply@blogger.com (The Naked Redhead) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 15:28:00 +0000

photo

My college experience was a little different than most. For starters, I went to a very, very conservative Baptist college where kids got kicked out for drinking and fornicating (not necessarily in the same offense). I also was married by the time I started my Senior year. BUT, I still learned a few life lessons. You know, because that's what you're supposed to do in college.

1. Think about it--No really, think about it. Think about everything you've ever been taught, throw it out the window, start from the beginning and re-think it through. Stop taking everything for granted. Question everything. Yes, it'll get you into trouble, and yes, it may mean that you break ties with people and ideas, but it's awesome.

2. Trying new things should be a way of life--So maybe I didn't get much of a chance to try a naked keg-stand for the first time, but improv? Strolling around NYC without an agenda? Tasting weird local delicacies? Yes, yes, and yes.

3. Sometimes the most relaxing thing in the world is a blanket, warm sun, the quad, and the (sights and) sounds of boys on guitars--No explanation needed.

4. The coolest teachers will force you to grow beyond the subject matter--Whether it's your college professor, your boss, or a mentor, the best teachers will ask you to read the book, then challenge you to reach beyond the words and think, "How will I be different knowing what I know now?"

5. That back boiler room window? Perfect for late night returns/escapes--Er, I meant to say...always have a backup plan.

What did you learn in college that didn't come from a textbook?

Posted by The Naked Redhead

Whatchyou Talkin' Bout?

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 13:30:00 +0000

I come from an immigrant family and am used to listening to people with sometimes unintelligibly heavy accents. I also grew up in a city with a very diverse population and have lived in different parts of this country and have traveled abroad, so I am absolutely the person who gets to decide which accent is the best and which is the most annoying.

Scottish brogue. Good lord, my knees are weak and my panties are already around my ankles. There is little someone with a Scottish brogue can't get from me. The timbre, the lilt . . . yum.

British educated Indian. I LOVE this accent because it sounds very snooty but also has a great slant to it that keeps it from being so very, very white. And colonial.

New Jersey. Yeesh. My ears. Just write it down or text me, o.k.?

Teenagers. Yes, they have an accent. It's the same no matter where they are from - annoying.

What accent makes your knees weak? Which one has you stuffing your ears with cotton?

by Suniverse

What Thirty-some Years Has Taught Me About People (in general)

noreply@blogger.com (The Naked Redhead) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 13:00:00 +0000

photo

No need for an explanation. Let's get started, shall we?

1. Insecurity is a disease--We all have our little insecurities...our hang-ups, our neuroses, our things we feel like we just can't get past. Insecurity, however, prevents us from getting the jobs we want, the love we want, the sex we want, the life we want. Insecurity (which, in reality, is just your Inner Critic) will keep a powerful and amazing individual weak and small. I've seen it happen to others, and I know it's happened to me. Insecurity causes people to self-protect, sometimes in somewhat harmless ways (e.g. self-deprecating humor) but sometimes in harmful ways, too (e.g. malicious gossip, withdrawal, abuse). Beware of insecurity in yourself and others.
2. Everyone appreciates small kindnesses. Everyone.--Throw in a word of (genuine) praise into your latest e-mail, hold the door, pick up the pen that stranger dropped. Kindness paves in-roads to connection. And connection, ultimately, makes us matter.
3. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a duck--Trust your instincts. If a person says one thing, but consistently does another, well...it's most likely that the actions are truer than the words. Quack, quack.
4. Passive-aggression is still aggression--Passive-aggression might be clothed in the sweetness of a backhanded compliment, a veiled threat, or suggested situation, but it's still aggression. Being stabbed with a velvet handled knife is still, er, stabbery. Do not engage.

5. People will always surprise you--We already know that people will surprise us with the depth of their badness (one only needs to check the news every so often for confirmation of this fact) but in my thirty-some years, I've learned to love when people surprise me with the depths of their kindness, charitableness, forgiveness, and generosity. I love those moments of surprise. Love them.

What have you learned about people?
Posted by The Naked Redhead

Issues On Which I Cannot Even Get Started In Polite Company

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 14:33:00 +0000

Remember that stand-up comic character on SNL whose punchline was: "Don't get me started. Don't EVEN get me started"? Well, if you're ever inviting me to a dinner party, here's a handy primer of topics to blacklist, lest the table erupt in a volley of "You shouldn't have gotten her started. You shouldn't have EVEN gotten her started."

Overuse of the word "nerd": So let me get this straight -- I suffered years of psychologically abusive bullying as a kid, and now everyone wants to be a nerd? Hey y'all. Just because you like to knit or you've read the Harry Potter books five times doesn't mean you're a nerd. Talk to me when you've hosted your first couples-only LAN party.

Claiming that waitresses should earn tips instead of expecting them: Look, if you can't afford 18% added to the bill, then you can't afford the meal. Period. If they go above and beyond, feel free to tip more, but unless your waitstaff ruins your life or your pants, they still need that 15% to pay their rent. Express your displeasure with a note to their manager.

People leaving their trash in movie theatres after the show: Why is this the cultural norm? Come on, dudes. Which is easier: one hundred people each picking up one thing? Or a pimply-faced teenager whose life is already hard enough being given twenty minutes to round up a metric ton of melted Milk Duds?

Twenty-somethings who want to write memoirs: Congratulations. Literature is becoming reality television, and you want to be Snooki.

Jon Stewart's stint as an Oscars host: What do all the great hosts have in common? Say it with me now: stand-up pedigree. Jon Stewart's a hilarious guy, but he is in essence a television writer; after a decade of only performing to synchophantic Daily Show fanatics, he just didn't have the experience to handle it when jokes bombed. I -- I can't even keep talking about this. It makes me too angry.

Oh look, I got started anyway. What topics do you have to be physically restrained from going on about?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.

Winter Activities

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 13:30:00 +0000

No, I'm not talking about skiing or skating or ice fishing [what the ?? who does that?]. I like my winter activities to take place in a comfortable climate. This means indoors, where the temperature will not descend into the single or NEGATIVE digits. What shall we do indoors?

Watch t.v. There are a ton of new episodes of your favorite shows coming out this month. Why not do yourself a favor and instead of spending time digging your car out from under a ridiculous number of inches of snow to go to a movie theater that is just chock full of annoying people breathing their disgusting germs all over you, just sit back with a bowl of popcorn and enjoy mindless entertainment. There is a far less risk of a heart attack watching t.v. than there is shoveling snow. Just ask the CDC.

Read. Nothing weighty or intelligent. I am a firm believer that the cold winter months are depressing enough without having to wade through someone else's misery. Leave that for the fall and spring, when it's still nice enough to go outside and enjoy life after reading about the horrors that people visit upon each other. I'm talking about the literary equivalent of a soap opera. It'll do you good.

Eat. The best part of winter? SOUPS. Yummy, yummy, delicious soups. Soups that are thick and hearty and if you're feeling up to it, soups you can make! It's like crafting or scrapbooking, except instead of a pile of pictures nobody wants to look at, you've got a big bowl of creamy goodness that's going to warm you inside and out.

What do you like to do in the winter?

by Suniverse

Because I Deserve It

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 13:30:00 +0000

I love myself. I do. And when I have been having a tough week, I like to take care of myself. Because if I don't, who will? These are a few of my favorite things to do for myself. Or have someone do for me:

A Massage. I am in general not a fan of having strange people touch me, BUT. I love getting a massage. I love having a nice, quiet space to just be. I love having someone expertly press on that ridiculous knot in my back that I swear that evil work chair has given me. I love that I don't have to do ANYTHING except turn over. I even love the plinky relaxation music, which normally would have me punching the scan button on my radio.

Doing My Nails. Plain nails are a sign that I've been neglecting myself. I love vibrant nails. There are so many options for color and even texture [matte nail polish, glitter nail polish, suede nail polish, good old glossy nail polish] that I'm almost stymied by my choices. But every Sunday night, I sit down and watch something vapid and do my nails. And then I'm stuck there until they dry - unable to do the dishes or pick up laundry. Damn. I am NOT a fan of someone else doing my nails, because I can't stand the smell of that stuff, and if I want someone to touch me for that long, I'd rather be having a massage.

Reading a Book. I love books. LOVE them. And my biggest treat is getting a new book. It doesn't have to be something erudite or educational or uplifting. It can be trashy and silly. But a new book always puts me in a great mood. Plus, I don't have to worry that someone borrowed the book from the library and read it on the toilet. Gross.

Those are the things that I do to treat myself. What do you do?

Posted by Suniverse.

Quotes I Thought Were From the Bible 'til an Embarrassing Age

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:18:00 +0000

My earliest exposure to religion was attending a Catholic school from first through third grade. As a hyper and dreamy youth, stories like Jesus raising Lazarus and the stations of the cross seemed epic, surreal, Hollywood-esque. Turns out a little too Hollywood-esque. Here are a few phrases that I thought came from the Bible 'til at least my early teens.

"Do not walk in front of me; I may not follow. Do not walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." Though in my defense, the phrase is often found in the bumper sticker rack next to Jesus Fish.

"When legend becomes fact, print the legend." Because the Bible is always giving tips on how to run your old-timey saloon newspaper.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Some would say The Godfather is its own kind of Bible.

"Do or do not, there is no try." What do you mean there's no Book of Yoda?!

"You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Kidding, kidding. Not even I'm that dumb. This quote's actually from the Declaration of Independence.

Any mortifying quote misattributions to share? It's okay, guys. This is a safe space.

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.

New Year, New You, Same Old Job

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:30:00 +0000

There are two times of the year that I crave the new - more than I usually do at other times of the year. One is the New Year, because duh. The other is when school starts in September. I think this may be because I am a sucker for school supplies, but also because there is that possibility of becoming what you want, taking a new direction. I'm done with school [way done], but I still get kind of daydreamy about starting a new career. Here's what I'd be if I had the option:

Architect. I am no mathematical or spatial genius [I continue to bump into walls and doorways that have existed in their present places ALL MY LIFE], but I love the idea of creating a space. Particularly when I am faced with the ridiculous lack of closets and odd floorplans in real life homes.

Meteorologist. Growing up, I had no idea this was a real thing, but if only I had! I love the weather. Love it. I could watch The Weather Channel for HOURS and I know which weather person on which local channel will give me the straight dope on what's coming our way. To be part of that magic? I want in.

Dictator. Benevolent, to be sure, but I would be awesome with unlimited power. Trains would run on time. Trash would be picked up. I'd have a palace. Sure, there would be uprisings and intrigue and probable assassination, but I think it might be worth the trade off of having EVERYONE and EVERYTHING at my beck and call.

Thinking of a new career? Which one?

Posted by Suniverse.

Reasons Why I Could Never Be a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Sadako is a twenty-something New York City denizen. She enjoys children and YA lit, making fun of bad movies, and blogging at Dibbly Fresh.

You guys know about Manic Pixie Dream Girls, right? The quirky, lovable, free spirits who exist to inspire bourgeois stuffed shirts or neurotic layabouts, while not entertaining an inner life beyond what color they'll next dye their bangs.

I myself could never be a MPDG, what with the whole not being fictional and having a life of my own. But even if I were fictional, there are a few things keeping me from MPDG status.

Flowers. The MPDG is the kind of whimsical, fun loving girl who will pick a flower and put it behind her hair, just 'cause. I'm the kind of neurotic, uptight person who will look at said flower, wonder if it has an earwig in it and if at the top of today's menu is eardrum surprise.

Hair. The requisite hairdo for a MPDG is long hair with bangs. Though the average MPDG probably trims her own bangs and still manages to look fly, somehow, I know I'd wind up looking less whimsical and more like an anorexic sheepdog.

Hoodies. I've got a serious lack of hoodies. Per Clementine in Eternal Sunshine and Sam in Garden State, you need one if you want to be an MPDG: nothing says I've whimsical but still hot enough to wear something that disguises my feminine shape like a hoodie.

Garish color sense. MPDGs don't need to be aware of color wheels. They make their own color wheels! But alas, my Project Runway and What Not to Wear-a-thons have made me wary of even pairing black eyeliner with anything brighter than peach lipgloss.

Promiscuity. You've also got to be willing to sleep with people in order to get them to like you (see Clementine) or just be willing to make out with a guy by the copiers to make sure the moment doesn't get too dull (Summer). My Adrian Monk esque fear of strangers precludes this, naturally.

Why would you make a poor Manic Pixie Dream Girl?

Songs That Make Me Want To Break Up With Someone, Like, Yesterday

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 14:53:00 +0000

For someone of my thorny disposition and proclivity for searing infatuation, I have surprisingly little break-up experience. Which is a shame, because if I had enough material to make a break-up movie, it would have a kickass soundtrack. Shall we?

"Down In It," Nine Inch Nails: I live with a simple philosophy: when the going gets tough, get angry. And what better way to work through some venom than sing-screaming along with Trent Reznor -- "And everything I never liked about you / is kind of seeping into me!" Blissful.

"Saints and Sailors," Dashboard Confessional: Yeah, I'm still sixteen years old. What of it?

"You're My Mate," Right Said Fred: One of the most irrepressibly bouncy songs I've ever heard and, more important, a reminder that whatever you've lost, you've still got a circle of kickass friends just waiting to buy you a few drinks and say, "Hey, enough about him, let's talk about you."

"So What," P!nk: A rock star, dude. A friggin' rock star.

"Breakin' Up," Rilo Kiley: The music video's half the joy of this one. Watch that and just tell me it doesn't want to make you go on a few perfect dates with a dude then break up with him because you "need more time in my life to watch Woody Allen movies."

Okay, I haven't actually broken up with a guy to watch Woody Allen movies but, fun fact, I did once start dating a guy with the intention of breaking up with him that way. Then spent the entire break-up blasting Postal Service. What're your favorite break-up tunes?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.

MedWatch 2011.

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 13:30:00 +0000

I am something of a disease connoisseur. You may want to think of me as a hypochondriac, but I find that word distasteful. And upsetting. It sends me to my thermometer and Dr. Internet. At any rate, here is a list of some of the things I think I've had.

Great. I'll probably get this, too. Damn.

Bedbugs/Lice/Scabies. These are all itchy-making, disgusting, foul, verminy type things that people will tell me about ["Did you hear? Bedbugs from trying on clothing!"] and their stories immediately make me start itching and scratching and oh my god, now I have to boil my clothing. *Shudder*

Stroke. I fear this, because who wants to suffer from a stroke? No one, that's who. I worried more about this before I learned the ways to determine if you've suffered from a stroke [Try and smile, lift your arms above your head and say a sentence. Can you do this? Yes? Congratulations! NO STROKE!], but I still find myself concerned when, say, my eye won't stop twitching.

West Nile Virus. I actually asked my real doctor about this. In my defense, I HAD been bitten by a number of mosquitoes.

Liver disease. I drank quite a bit in my early twenties. More than my share; probably your share, too. Of course, while I was drinking, I didn't think a thing of it. Now? Well, at least the liver is self-regenerating, right? Right?

Your turn - do you worry about your health? Or do you really, really think about it a lot?

by Suniverse

New Year's Resolutions You Won't See Me Making

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 15:43:00 +0000

I'm awful at new year's resolutions. There was the year I resolved to stop watching reality TV until the end of the writers' strike. The strike only lasted until February 8th -- by which point I'd cheated and watched, oh, maybe 200 hours of Top Model? After taking a searching and fearless inventory of my personal weaknesses, I've come to this conclusion: I'm awful at self-improvement. So this year I resolve to aim a little lower. Thus, some new year's resolutions you're sure as heck not going to see me making this year:

Eat vegan: Do I like vegan food? Yup! Am I happier, healthier and more energetic when I eat it? Of course. Do I waste that energy running around like a guilt-saddled maniac, devoting countless hours to figuring out what I can eat and how much? SURE DO! Instead: Eat fewer foods that have to, uh, eat food.

Start lifting weights: I admire girls with chiseled arms. I admire them and I fear them. Instead: I dunno, maybe go for a jog? Possibly? And stop hanging out with people who lift weights.

Write the Great American Novel. Instead: Write a pretty good American email?

Stop wasting countless hours of producivity by faffing around on the internet all day. Instead: Restrict internet goof-off time to the office. Nobody really needs me to code invoices, do they...?

Come up with a foolproof organizational system for my mail at home. Instead: Consider starting to open some of my mail, sometimes. If it's not too scary. I dunno. Maybe I'll start that one next year.

How are you NOT resolved to make 2011 the best year ever?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.

Things I Refuse to Skimp On

noreply@blogger.com (Suniverse) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 13:30:00 +0000

by Suniverse

Ah, money. We all need it, and yet we never seem to have enough of it. I know times are hard, and I'm budgeting as furiously as the next gal, HOWEVER, there are certain things that even during the Great Recession, I refuse to skimp on. To wit:

Ketchup. Sure, it's only a condiment, and one that has very few ingredients without the variety of, say, mustard, but there is a marked difference between the name brand deliciousness of Heinz and the downmarket wateryness of Big Bob's Choice Brand Catsup.

Nail polish. I love me some OPI. Not only because their colors have fun names, their brushes are super wide and the polish goes on smoothly, but also because they are formaldehyde and other nasty chemical-free. Sure, a 99 cent bottle of funky colored polish would be fun and more budget friendly, but I've got zero interest in starting a Superfund Site on my nail bed.

Toilet paper. If you are anything like me, and I'm sure you are or want to be, then you pee. A lot. And when I go to the bathroom, I use toilet paper, not a fancy bidet. And because I am using toilet paper on my nether regions, I want that stuff to be SOFT. The softest. Ever. Like angel wings or baby ducks. So I buy uber-soft, thick and plush toilet paper. The environment and my wallet be damned, my bajingo is not going to be subjected to single-ply!

Maxi pads/Tampons. And speaking of bajingos - there is no reason whatsoever to subject yours to inferior personal products. None.

Well, friends, what do you splurge on?

Reasons I Love the Holiday Season Even Though I Don’t Celebrate it a Whole Lot

noreply@blogger.com (The Naked Redhead) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:00:00 +0000

photo

Posted by The Naked Redhead

If you read my blog, you’ll know I wrote yesterday that my family isn’t big into Christmas, and it’s not something we celebrate much this time of year. I’m not trying to be a Grinch or whatever, that’s just kind of the way it is (honestly, we usually do some sort of celebration in January or February...so we celebrate, just not right ON Christmas). But just because I don’t put out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy some of the perks that come with the holiday season. For instance:

1. Christmas Ales and Drinks—I will drink ANY Christmas Ale. I will drink just about ANY Christmas-y type drink (‘cept Egg Nog, which is naaaasssttty). I love all the spices and flavors. Yum.

2. Sights, Scents and Sounds—Seriously? I could shove some nutmeg up my nose and die a happy woman. I love pretty lights. And of course, I do enjoy a little jazzy holiday music ‘round this time of year.

3. Good Sales and Deals—Now of course we all know the BEST deals come after January 1, but the deals on, well, STUFF this time of year are pretty fantastic. And since I don’t have to feel bad about buying for myself this time of year, I don’t. And I always get a pretty good bang for my buck.

4. Silly Movies—Why “Love Actually” is still watchable after the 15th time, I’ll never know. Same with “The Family Stone”, “The Grinch”, and of course, “Rudolph.”

5. Friends, Family and Giving—I do feel that most people are pretty good at checking in with the ones they love most this time of year. I love sitting with friends over some drinks, playing board games with my nieces and nephews, and even seeing people get together to give love to local charities. I’m currently working on a kick-ass project with some of the coolest chicks in Columbus, OH, and all for charity (can’t wait to tell you all about it!). I don’t think it would have come together this fast any other time of year.

What about you? Why do you love the holiday season?

Love, TNR

Presents I'm Buying Myself for Christmas This Year

noreply@blogger.com (That Kind of Girl) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 14:48:00 +0000

After all, 'tis the season to show your affection to everyone you care about, right? So how could I forget the person I love most of all?!

A bottle of Damrack Gin. I do believe this is my new mid-shelf gin. It's distilled with candied cirtrus and a breath of hibuscus. Where most gin smells like old people and racism, a tumbler full of this elixir is like wearing tweed slippers on a Caribbean island.

Professional tooth-whitening. After many years of Diet Cokes and full-tar smokes, my smile is in need of some extra wattage. And thanks to an amazing deal from Groupon, this frivolous vanity is finally in my budget!

A new pair of tweezers. Nothin' sexy about this, but mine have been missing since August, and I think it's finally time to give up hope that I'll ever find them. Preferably before I start looking like Fozzie Bear.

An hour-long deep tissue massage. Fun fact: there is literally nothing I like more in the world than paying someone to rub oil on my back and then basically beat me up. And after getting seventeen grad school applications in the mail, I'll deserve it.

A new Moleskine notebook. I'd probably also accept a moleskin notebook. I just need a place to store my to-do lists, blog ideas, random phrases that pop into my head, and Post-It comics. Whatever works, y'all.

Come on, you know you've been extra good this year. What little treats are you sticking under your own tree?

Posted by TKOG from Not That Kind of Girl.