Kapan sebaiknya pendidikan seks untuk anak dimulai?

Sejak keberadaannya di dunia ini mewujud. Sejak hamil, orang tua harus sudah mulai mengerjakan tugasnya: mempersiapkan diri untuk mendidik anak, termasuk urusan seks. Untuk apa? Karena apa pun dapat terjadi.

Dulu orang tua saya ngga ngajari apa-apa, saya baik-baik aja

Alhamdulillah. Dan tantangan setiap zaman berbeda. Adalah kewajiban orang tua untuk menyiapkan anaknya bagi kehidupan masa datang saat orang tua tak lagi ada.

Kalau diajari, jadi tahu tentang seks, dong. Nanti seks bebas bagaimana?

Anak tidak kita ajari pun secara alami tubuhnya memberi sinyal sendiri, sesuai tahap pertumbuhan dan perkembangannya. Selalu akan ada sumber belajar primer bagi anak. Jika bukan orang tuanya, maka orang lain, baik langsung (melalui hands-on experience) maupun tidak langsung (melalui sumber verbal atau visual).

Sekalipun Ibu dan Bapak bukan sumber belajarnya, sebagai orang tua, pengasuhan dan perwalian anak tetap ada di kita hingga usianya cukup untuk bertanggung jawab mandiri secara hukum. Jadi ya tidak bisa juga berlepas tangan, “Bukan saya yang ngajarin, kok! Itu pasti temannya (atau siapalah)!”.

Kalau diajari, memang jadi tahu. Diajari tentang kelamin dan seks, ya jadi tahu tentang kelamin dan seks. Untuk menghindari sesuatu, kita harus dapat mengenali sesuatu tersebut. Ajari anak untuk mengenal seks secara bertahap sesuai dengan usia dan perkembangannya.

Pendidikan seks itu seperti apa?

Kenalkan anak pada tubuhnya

Sejak lahirnya, anak akan belajar dari Anda. Bagaimana Anda berbicara, bagaimana Anda menanggapi tingkahnya, bagaimana Anda menyikapi dunia. Jadi kalau saya boleh beri saran, bicara ‘normal’ saja ke anak Anda walaupun ia masih bayi. Dicadel-cadelin juga bayi Anda sama tidak mengertinya, kok. Sama aja.

Kenalkan anak pada nama-nama bagian tubuhnya, termasuk alat kelamin, dengan nama yang benar. Kesungkanan dimulai dari orangtua. Jika anda menyebut ‘penis’ atau ‘vagina’ dengan biasa saja seperti menyebutkan bagian tubuh lain, anak akan belajar bahwa kelamin bukan hal tabu untuk dibicarakan.

Kenalkan anak pada kondisi yang aman

Tidak tabu tidak otomatis membuat anak anda akan lari-lari keliling kampung sambil meneriakkan nama-nama organ reproduksi. Malu dan tabu kan beda walaupun sama-sama diajarkan. Dan kita yang ajarkan bagaimana kata memiliki rasa dan suasana yang tepat untuk diutarakan. “Kalau ada orang lain, ngomongnya bisik-bisik aja sama Ibu, ya.”

Tentu ada saat kami deg-degan usai memberitahu anak nama bagian tubuh yang membedakan laki-laki dengan perempuan. Khawatir ujug-ujug gurunya di kelas beri catatan, “D tadi semangat sekali bicarakan penisnya!”. Karena konteks adalah hal abstrak yang tidak mudah dicerna balita, jadi tidak memungkinkan beri simulasi semua keadaan kapan dia boleh bicarakan alat kelaminnya.

Kenalkan anak pada orang-orang yang aman

Dalam kondisi normal, orang-orang yang aman bagi anak adalah ayah-ibunya. Mungkin juga nenek-kakeknya, jika ikut mengasuh. Termasuk pengasuh/nanny, jika ada. Di luar itu, tidak aman.

Namun ada kondisi luar biasa di mana orang-orang yang seharusnya melindungi anak malah menjadi ancaman utama, terlebih bagi anak perempuan. Sungguh menyakitkan harus saya tulis begini, namun itulah pentingnya mengajari otonomi tubuh kepada anak. Supaya dia tahu, siapapun orangnya, jika dia tidak nyaman apalagi tidak aman, dia berhak untuk menolak disentuh dan memberontak.

Kalau dia merasa aman dengan gurunya, mungkin akan memilih bicara ke gurunya ketimbang dengan temannya tentang pengetahuan baru.

Kenalkan anak pada bagian tubuh yang aman

Setelah mengenali siapa yang aman, seleksi selanjutnya adalah apa yang ‘boleh’. Aman dan boleh pun ada batasannya, yang dapat diajarkan sesuai usia. Bayi kurang dari 12 bulan tentu belum bisa istinja sendiri dan belum sanggup punya kuasa penuh pada tubuhnya.

Anak dapat diajarkan untuk percaya pada intuisinya. Jika tidak nyaman, walaupun disentuh di bagian tubuh yang aman, anak berhak menolak dan menjauh. Sekalipun oleh orang tuanya.

Bagian tubuh yang aman mana saja? Kita lanjut di tulisan berikutnya, ya…

Felt like sailing through storm while the navigation system wasn’t working and immediately the crew members were yelling at each other in almost a crippling condition. It was all too perfect to test leadership and teamwork in every possible aspects, globally. Everybody learns some lessons.

Amidst the sailing I came into realisation that I may not be the right leader towards the set direction. I said goodbye and left into the unknown, clinging to the belief that there is always a place for everyone and I had to find the ‘moved cheese’ (anyone reading ‘who moved the cheese’?).

Things went fast the following year where I thought it was my place. Then we got Covid, then a new uncertainty stroke us. Reasons unearthed after. Maybe. We can only do attempts to fathom why things happened the way they are. As a leader, we comprehend situations. As a human, we absorb and fully experience the emotions and grasping for things to learn. To rationalise.

New chapters of life are waiting behind the doors of milestones. Each with their own wisdom to acquire.

It does not mean that you will be solely on your own. It means people may be very careful with you thus you may not have many friends in the leadership role. It does not mean that you will have to do everything by yourself. It means you have to have a bird’s-eye view to lead and delegate instead. It does not necessarily mean you are going to gain enemies, though it can be as consequences of decisions. And it means that you have to have a firm ground and able to decide, sometimes against all odds.

Unfrequented and remote. Not for everyone.

Not that I am an excellent example. But what I can solidly say is you have to have listening skill. Not hear, but listen. Actively pay attention. To the needs of the people you serve. Because leading is to serve; the ones you lead and the ones oversee you. Some may say listen with your heart, I would say listen with your ears (still).

Owning the rights AND the wrongs make you a responsible person who has integrity. And yet we always have options to and not to be one. I must amend myself who might have done this without being aware of it.

Life is not always fair per cases. That is our part to do: dealing with it as best as we can.

What do you do when you feel you have so many things to do but couldn’t decide which one to do first?

What do you do when your body feels tired to the bone but your train of thoughts keep you thinking from sleeping?

An ignored impact of pandemic to mental health? Or just an overthinking trait…

When some people have gotten a lot more on their plate than others and suddenly they were forced to show their leadership. When some people have arisen from ‘nowhere’ and show great initiatives toward solutions doable for many others. When some people have to sacrifice their needs, even safety, for the sake of greater number…

It’s the time of trial which shapes us more than smooth sailings. Will we be able to get through this? I believe we can. The number of casualties, however, we cannot be sure of. The prediction looks bleak. May we be granted with strength and steadfastness. #dirumahaja #covid19 #pandemic

Experience and values make people. They make who we are right now. I realised that security is not the best word to describe what I hold dearly. I value learning more than feeling safe. Not that I do not like living comfortably, the common reason why people look for optimum compensation of effort and time. It’s just that I choose not to waste my time where I was not fairly appreciated.

I learn by making mistakes and try my best to reflect on those and improve. I learn by asking questions and doing tasks, but mostly by observing. I get to judge whether my source of learning is relevant or not to my function. I get to learn mundane but necessary things, and exciting but trivial things. I learn to sort things, compile them together, and pull a string of information out of the pile.

The biggest impact of a new challenge is how it changes how you look at things. You have to unlearn and leave everything you know behind. Not because they are all irrelevant. But because you are going to build a new comprehension. You have to learn anew, and relearn as necessary. And repeat the cycle. Absolute imperative.

While you’re in it, you may discover that you may not be the princess you once dreamed to be. But a lady. How’s your journey?