Little Fluffy Cloud

the beltless trenchcoat.

Sarah Peters — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 13:37:00 PST

i am supposed to be that person that gets rich because she invented something that made you go "DUR why didn't i think of that?" and millions of them are sold and before you know it she's sitting on oprah's couch telling other women that they can do it too and making them feel empowered all while some factory in china is manufacturing her product that costs 14 cents to make but sells for $29.99 which makes her a malibu penthouse and a closet of louboutins richer.

problem is, i haven't actually invented anything yet.

well actually i HAVE... i just didn't own the patent, or design anything, or market anything, or find investors... but i totally thought of them first.

sex in the city.

i'm a bit of a writer, and a tongue-in-cheek one at that. a little over 10 years ago, in the midst of my single, dating days, i came up with an idea to document some of the weird, random, funny, FUCKED UP*, quirky dates that myself and my friends had been on. every week we'd compare notes and end up in hysterics over the oddball men that came in and out of our lives. i had a palm pilot (geek alert) and began recording our notes. we had nicknames for many of the guys, that ranged from Chopped Liver to BO Man. the stories ranged from a guy who clipped his carpet with scissors to a guy with a diaper fetish. i was sure i could churn out a hysterical book that women would read for decades and know that the dude that gave them an orange for their birthday isn't the only freak out there, and every woman has a funny story to tell. of course, my ambitions got lost when i moved up in the exciting career of oil & gas. sex and the city came out, spawning many "single, confident woman dates men of all kinds" books and movies... most of which are pink and have an illustration of a woman in a LBD drinking a martini on the cover.

snuggie/slanket.

first of all, the name snuggie is MUCH better than slanket, and i think the name alone is what catupulted the snuggie into stardom. 'snuggie' sounds soft, and warm and inviting. 'slanket' sounds dirty and sleezy... like the drug-addicted cousin that you meet in a back alley for a quickie.

i have been using my robe as a blanket with sleeves for years. i own 6 robes, and i use them all to keep warm. it didn't exactly occur to me to market my new "invention" to millions of idiots** as a completely different product, so i don't like taking ALL the credit for this idea.

porn in 3d.

whoa, i just pushed lfc in the r-rated spectrum. that coupled with my use of the F-word means i can't run for office. which really sucks, because i've been wanting to turn my Margarita Friday idea into actual legislation.

back to my million-dollar idea... about a year ago we were watching chuck in 3d, and i glanced over at bryan in his red-and-blue glasses, and as he watched yvonne strahovski on our 65-inch television, a stream of drool came out of his mouth. and that's when it hit me - if he's THIS excited about a random blonde in a miniskirt in 3d, imagine what a nekkid jenna jameson in 3d would do to a guy? make me freakin' rich, that's what. (fyi, i realize jenna is all skeletor now, and there's probably some new, more famous porn star out there, but it just goes to show you how prude i actually am. or am i?)

well since the success of avatar, i heard last week that the porn industry is making moves to develop 3d movies. which just really ticks me off. i was this close.

*i've decided that i like saying the word FUCK. it gets my point across. unfortunately you will soon become desensitized to my usage of this word, and i'll have to get even dirtier. i'll be consulting urbandictionary.com for said nastier word.

**i can be included in said idiots, as i have purchased several snuggies. actually i didn't purchase them for myself, but as gifts, so perhaps that transfers idiotdom to the new owner of those snuggies.

you'd think i'd be skinnier.

Sarah Peters — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 06:38:00 PST

i have always thought of myself as a healthy person. i'm not allergic to anything, i have all my appendages, i get to check "no" next to all the family history boxes at the doctor's office, and all my moles are under control. except this one that keeps changing color and size, but i hear that's nothing to worry about.

until about 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with OCD. not a huge surprise, considering my mother has a severity of OCD that they write about in medical journals. so color me shocked. no big deal - take a pill every day, life goes on.

soon after, i was diagnosed with HPV. TMI Alert. oh wait, i alerted you after i already said the TMI. that was sorta pointless, wasn't it? well maybe that's how i planned it, since i get joy from making people uncomfortable with my personal stories of abnormal pap smears and cervical cryosurgeries. it's the little things.

ok, so i got a'little crazy goin' on in my head and in my nether regions. i can totally handle this.

fast forward a few years... after not taking my OCD diagnosis seriously, and substituting my zoloft with recreational drugs aspirin, my docs sat me down and said "sarah, FACE IT, YOU'RE INSANE AND YOU'LL BE WRITING US CHECKS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

ok, so i got a LOTTA crazy going on in my head. still handling this. and look at me surviving as a healthy, normal adult. *takes swig from champagne bottle*

lately i haven't been sleeping. or staying awake. i exist in some weird level of consciousness... being propped up by ephedra and knocked out by tylenol pm. so i dragged myself to a sleep doctor. the initial diagnosis... NARCOLEPSY.

um, excuse me? this has pushed me over the edge of having a few little health quirks into full-on unhealthy territory. i have more pills than an 80-year old bedridden grandmother, and more specialty doctors than a cancer patient. add in a few dental problems, my tendency to faint in the eye doctor's office and my penchant for contracting the flu and strep every year, and you've got yourself someone who is clearly NOT healthy.

when did i become this person? when did i start carrying around one of those daily reminder pill cases with the large print in my purse? when did i become a frequent card-carrying member of the quizno's location in the medical center? and the most important question, why am i asking myself all these questions?

probably the most annoying thing is when people advise me to stop taking all the meds and to just take vitamins and go to bed early. WELL FUCK - WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? your degree in business must have included classes on genetic mutation and sleep disorders. oh wait, you know nothing about biological functions outside the fact that you puke when you do 12 shots of jager? that's what i thought, so shut the hell up.

bottom line is, i got issues, so don't look at me funny when you see me on the street talking to myself and wearing a tutu. i have a doctor's note.

thanks y'all.

Sarah Peters — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:49:00 PST

Apparently anything I have to say these days can be condensed into 140 characters or less. Which works most of the time, but those days when I need to embellish and put that extra fluff into my stories, LFC is where it's at. My very own pink page that lets me be as self-deprecating and ridiculously awesome as possible? Score!

I figured a Thanksgiving post would be a great way to rejoin the blogging world. Not that I ever left, but admit me, you missed me. And if you didn't miss me, well not only do you suck, but you're here reading this anyways, so TAKE THAT.

So I'd like to list those things for which I am thankful for. None of which include my loving husband, my awesome friends, a beautiful roof over my head and yummy food on the table. Being thankful for those things would be cliche... and if there is one thing I am NOT, it's cliche.

Now excuse me while I go bleach my hair and put my fake tan on, y'all.

Actors That I Previously Found Hot, But Then They Went Away, So I Forgot About Them, But Now They've Come Back And They're Even Hotter Than Before.

Wow that was a mouthful. And speaking of mouthfuls... wait what? Nevermind, um, I forgot people can find me by just using Bing. And no Bing didn't pay me to say that, but they should. I have like 3 readers. Google's stock would plummet.

Back to said actors... like Jake Gyllenhaal. Nawm nawm nawm nawm nawm nawm. That's set to some tune, I just don't know which one. Frankly, I could be nawming my way through Jingle Bells, as long as I'm nawming my way to Jake. He was off my radar, but has come back with the new movie Brothers. I might have to drag Peters to it, under the notion that I think the movie looks "very interesting and thought-provoking", all while really thinking about Jake feeding me Little Debbies and telling me how amazing my lease analyst skills are. Shirtless of course.

Different Levels Of Security On Facebook.

If you are not aware of this feature, please let me enlighten you. As more and more people are surfing The Interwebs, Facebook's popularity has soared. So imagine my horror when I started getting friend requests from aunts, uncles, MY PARENTS, former teachers, extended family members, MY PARENTS, people from church, co-workers, MY PARENTS... the list of people wherewithin I'd like to maintain my sweet and innocent cover is extensive. You know, the girl that does community service and drinks diet coke and helps old ladies across the street. Ok, so I pushed the old lady down, but the bitch deserved it. Don't shake your knitting needle at me, grandma.

So you get my point. Evil, binge-drinking, plastic-surgery-loving, tutu-wearing Sarah is best left for those people that truly appreciate her. Which brings me to the Settings→Privacy→Profile page. This glorious page allowed me to set up a SAFE level, so when MY MOTHER eventually ignores my pleads to leave Facebook to the young'ins and sends me the dreaded friend request, I can simply add her as a SAFE friend, and voila! Her little girl hasn't grown up. And instead of seeing me chugging bottles of Moet two-at-a-time and throwing gang signs ('cause I'm hardcore like that), she sees sweet pictures of us posing with Jersey in front of a Christmas tree. Awwwwww.

YouTube.

Videos like this one, and this one and this one are what get me out of bed in the mornings. And if you think that's sad, well you'd be right.

Mockumentaries.

For me it began with Best in Show. The brilliance of interviewing "real people" while capturing their oddities and relationships with one another is only done well with the right cast. And Christopher Guest has nailed it over and over. I went back to Spinal Tap, and also fell in love with A Mighty Wind. But it doesn't end with movies... The Office (both versions) and now Modern Family - I can't get enough.

There's lots of other things I'm thankful for... Amazon's 1-click shopping, pickles in their own travel pouch, Foxmarks, my Hello Kitty debit card, the fact that you can get cheese on your fries or tater tots at Sonic, warning labels on sugar-free candy, people that know how to correctly spell my name (WITH AN H, it isn't rocket science), this guy, Redbox, seasonal marshmallows, friends with painkillers, and bit torrent. But none of these really deserved a bold font. Well, maybe the painkiller one does.

I hope everyone has a happy thanksgiving.

lfc as a kid.

Sarah Peters — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:37:00 PDT

I was thinking about some of my childhood memories this morning and wanted to share. Not sure *why* I was reminiscing, but it sure is more interesting than my job.

Forts. I was obsessed with making forts. And I'm not talking about boring 1-room forts - no, mine took days to design, required using every blanket and sheet in the house, and ended up as 12-bedroom, multi-level mansions. When I was an inexperienced fort-maker, I would use my Encyclopedia Brittanicas to hold up the blankets. Considering how expensive those bad boys were, my parents were none too thrilled about this, but got vengeance when the five-pound encyclopedias would inevitably cave to gravity and kill us in our sleep. Eventually, I wised up and began using thumbtacks to keep my mother's fancy guest sheets attached to the wall. This worked for a period of time, but as my designs got more intricate and the blankets got heavier, the tacks began succumbing to the tension and turned into flying missiles. My determination to create The Perfect Fort without anyone losing an eye or dying led me to the use of nails. Sure, I was making holes in great Granny Black's quilt and in my peach-and-cream walls, but you couldn't stop this budding architect.

Homemade videos. Every April when my dance recital took place, my parents would go to the local VHS rental place and rent one of those big daddy video cameras that sit on your shoulder. And by God, the Posey family was gonna get their money's worth out of this thing. So for 4 days, we filmed EVERYTHING. TV shows were made, lip-syncing music videos directed and most importantly, a video my mom took every year of the house. EVERY SQUARE INCH. And yes, we were *that* family that put on a record of Fiddler on the Roof, set up the camera on the couch, and all danced and sang (my dad was Tevye of course). Our great danes wore beards and were the chorus line. Years later our tastes matured and we got a little more 'hardcore' and busted out the keyboard and lip-sync'd to Toto's Roseanna. During the keyboard solo, my mom deviated from the script and pointed at my 4-year old brother and said "Hit it Josh!", wherein he tickled the keys like a pro, thus vaulting this particular music video to our Hall-of-Fame collection. Also residing in said collection is our version of Rescue 911. My dad directed this one, where I played the burglar (you know, 'cause there's a lot of blondes in acid-washed jeans and pink barettes terrorizing neighborhoods) and my brother played the kid who was left home alone. My friend played the 911 operator, and thanks to my dad's professional editing and stellar directing, the show was a hit.

Terrors. There were 2 things that haunted our neighborhood, and sent every local kid into a frenzy whenever they approached. The first was the mosquito-spraying truck. I'm not sure which evil parent told us that WE WOULD DIE A NASTY DEATH if we took even one breath of the mosquito spray, but it worked. You'd hear it coming 2 blocks over, and we'd all go screaming into our houses, where from there, we'd call eachother and ask if the others were still alive, or if any man had been left behind. And if someone *had* perished in that evening's mushroom cloud, could I have their scratch-and-sniff sticker collection? Coincidentally, the truck arrived around the same time that the sun was going down and our parents would want us inside, but I'm sure the two have nothing to do with eachother. The other nightmare was The Three-Legged Dog. The animals in our neigborhood were normal - cats and dogs with all limbs intact. But one day our world was turned upside-down when a 3-legged dog came strutting down the street. You would have thought Freddy Krueger himself had entered Greengate, the way we all squealed and went clammoring for cover. We didn't venture outside for 2 weeks after that, our noses pressed up against the windows, looking for signs of the beast. I'm not sure whatever happened to him, but his legend lives on.

Sugar and more sugar. People often ask me about my horrendus eating habits, and it's true that they all stem from my diet as a kid. My mom love sugar about as much as I do, and we were never without it. I guess we lucked out that we all had the metabolism of a giraffe*. My parents were Sam's Club member pioneers, and were bulk-buying-freaks. 5-lb bags of gummi bears? Check. 1,000 piece bags of Smarties? Check. 800 Otter Pops? Check. I ate Cool Whip straight out of the tub, and one time I ate an entire gallon of ice cream in one sitting. I have tried doing this as an adult, and unfortunately it does nothing for my thighs.

polar opposites.

Sarah Peters — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:13:00 PDT

we played dogsitter to my parents' great dane last week. on saturday, i went to a baby shower and then to get my nails did with fefa. as we were sitting in our 2-person suite enjoying mimosas, i got the following phone call from bryan:

bryan: "hey. you're not going to believe what just happened."

me: "what?"

bryan: "bentley just had explosive diahrrea all over the second floor. he walked from one side of the room to the other... it's EVERYWHERE."

me: "oh my goodness. i am so sorry."

bryan: "yeah, i'm cleaning it up now. my gag reflex keeps kicking in, but it's gotta be done."

me: "well thanks honey. sorry you're having to deal with that."

bryan: "it's okay. so what are you up to?"

me: "we're getting pedicures. right now they're pouring champagne on my feet."

me: "hello?"

fish, part II

Sarah Peters — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:48:00 PDT

Sometimes LFC branches off into politics, or personal stories or tales of how I can eat the entire right side of the Taco Bell menu in one sitting my great adventures.

But I like to get back to my roots... making fun of people. What can I say, it's a gift.

Previously we had explored the vast pool of single men looking for love. Now it's time for the ladies. And I use the term ladies loosely. Let's call them Loose Ladies, shall we?

REAL...DJ....RAPPER....MUSIC.....RECORD LABEL...MODEL...LOW MAITNENCE....EASY GOING...GOAL AND FAMILY ORIENTED....CAVALIERS FAN......MOTIVATED & DETERMINATED....MATURE....GOOD WOMAN..

'Cause Nascar bedding and mesh clothing have always symbolized 'maturity' to me. Well played.

my name is jillian. I am 28. I live in maine. I am easy to get along with. open minded. I like to go out and have fun.

Oh I am so sorry. I see your friend met a deathly fate with the 'spray can' function on Paint. My condolences.

23 female kansas. Not looking for anything but frieinds, if something more comes out of it good but won't get my hopes up. see if you can prove that not all guys are the same

If there was ever a 'Bless her heart' moment...

i like to hang out and be outside. i like to have fun. im really laid back and thats really most of it. if you wanna know more feel free to ask.

Hang outside and have fun? You look about one minute away from slitting your wrists or killing a kitten.

well i am 24 nd i got 4 kidz...jus ask wut u wanna know

I wud like to know where your kidz are.

My name is Cherokee Starr I live in Texas but right now in NJ Taking care of my mother i do private duty hospice work i love Native American Pow Wows Traveling . Cooking I love to cuddle snuggle and spending Quite nights with the one i love

I totally believe that you were born a woman named Cherokee Starr. Totally.

Hi my name is dorothy I love to do just about anything there is to do just long as i'am haven fun and doing it with some one i can hold kiss etc......i'am a realy romanic person i'am very affectionate person yes i'am a little jelious

Jelious? Does that mean one who likes Jello? I am Jelious too!

.GIGANTIC FAN OF REALITY, TRUTH N HONESTY! im
ASSERTIVE n SWEET.

Hey, um... did you know that you're one of those 80's poster in nail salons? Just sayin'.

fun,nice,loving,party gurl,loves music, hang out with friends

Don't look now, but your shirt is gone. It's okay, it happens to the best of us.

SWEET.. HONEST.. REAL..FUNNY.. DOWN2EARTH.. SEXY.. MARRIED.. SASSY.. SILKY..

She's right behind you........

Kinda makes you wish you were single again and seeing what's out there, huh?

nawm

Sarah Peters — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:49:00 PDT

Last night i was inspired.

It's not easy finding a muse... encountering someone that sparks something in you to do something great, something epic, something that will be talked about long after you're gone.

I have found that someone.

His flowing hair, his chiseled body, his boyish charm, and his comedic timing... it's awakened me, and I realized I have to share this with the world.

I give you... My 2009 Top 5 List:

#5

Brody Jenner.

Look, the guy is hot. Even if he *is* a trust-fund baby that used to be BFF's with Spencer Pratt. But I can't resist the Playboy attitude and the charming good-looks. And the fact that he finally ditched Spencer won me over completely.

#4
Cam Gigandet.
NAWM NAWM NAWM. And nawm. Seriously, nawm. I don't know this guy, but ran across him randomly in one of my gossip rags, and nawm. I would equate him to a pair of black peep-toe Christian Louboutin heels. Perfect in every way.
I will soon be Netflix'ing everything he's been in, in the hopes of bumping him up my list. And bumping him, period. Nawm. And nawm.

#3
David Beckham.
David... my love. You're gorgeous. But I feel as though our brief affair is coming to an end. And by affair I mean the time you spent listed on my top 5. It was passionate, but I had to bump ya, because the obvious-hotness you exude... well I just need more than just a pretty face.
However, I'm giving you time to redeem yourself. Why have I given you this second chance? I'll be the rope.
And seriously, ever since I wrote about Cam a couple of minutes ago, I can't get him out of my head. David, gimme something I can work with here.

#2
Ryan Reynolds.
The guys has been around awhile, and he's never quite done it for me. But his abs... oh they're new, and... seriously, I can't get Cam out of my head.
Some say my husband Bryan bears a likeness to Ryan, which is good for me. All I need to do is squint a little and I'm hookin' up with my #2 celeb.

#1
Bradley Cooper.
The guy who started it all. When he came on the screen in his black suit, Brande and I turned to eachother in unison and said "YUM."
He may not be as overly hot as say, Cam Gigandet (NAWM), but his attitude bumped him up for me. He's got that I-know-I'm-hot thing going on, and sometimes I like that in a guy. Not too much of that though, or else I'd have to bump him, for like, someone like Cam Gigandet. Nawm.

So there it is, my Top 5. I feel good, like LFC is maturing. I look back on some of the previous Top 5's, and I realize how far I've come. My tastes are changing, and I've got a hankerin' for some Cam. Nawm.

my twitter rant

Sarah Peters — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:55:00 PDT

i don't have a rant against twitter, but rather against the people who bash twitter without really knowing what they're bashing. YES I'M TALKING TO YOU MYSPACE ADDICT WHO ONLY USES CAPS TO WRITE. it's okay when *I* use all caps, but not you. you go away.

so you're hearing about twitter on the news, or on the INTERWEBZ, and you're curious. you must be up-to-date on all things tech, so you go check it out. you're a regular on myspace and facebook (and are updating both manually, snort, but that's another issue).
so none of your friends are on twitter, because they're equally lame, natch, and so you're already uninterested.
you sign up for an account, and in 2 weeks, you have 3 followers. clearly this twitter-place doesn't know who you are.
after following ashton kutcher and your next door neighbor, you have found their tweets weird and not-about-you, so you come to the conclusion that twitter is a facebook-wannabe, and not nearly as cool, since there are no pictures of you and hot girls. how else will you show the world how cool you are?

let me fill you in on a little secret. twitter was twittering before facebook was. that status update segment on fb? that's twitter's brilliant idea.
i know this because my uber-tech-savvy husband and my equally-tech-savvy-and-hot-girlfriend were twittering before demi and ashton were.

another awesome twitter feature? you don't have to follow the same people that follow you. it's a one-way deal, which instantly turns you off because you think everyone should follow you, because you're vain, ego-centric and self-obsessed*. which i realize all mean the same thing, but they bear being said in 3 different ways, because you're SO MUCH SO.

i once read "facebook is for people you know, twitter is for people you want to know." this couldn't be more true. look, i LOVE facebook. keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances, seeing their lives, vacations, kids, and drunk photos... i can't get enough.
but twitter is a different platform, with different people, and a different agenda. sure you can tweet about your daily life, but you can also read ideas, thoughts and links from people who are truly insightful and open to this amazing new way of sharing themselves.
for instance... some of the people i follow include politicians, a random smattering of celebrities, fellow bloggers that inspire me, groundbreaking individuals, and just overall freakin' funny people. i have even made a few local twitter-friends, simply based on how much i enjoyed their daily thoughts.

this isn't a place where you 'friend' someone based on their photo-shopped myspace photo. i'm flattered and all, but i ain't gonna friend you because you saw my photo and you "THINK WE SHOULD CHAT CUZ YOUR HAWT AND YOU COULD SHO ME A GUD TIME IN HTOWN."

this is a place where if your thoughts and ideas are interesting enough, you gain followers. you are forced to be something other than a pretty face. which of course i am, but i want to be more. whoa, that might have branched into full-on egotistical sarah-mode.

if you don't want to join twitter, no problem. but when i read "twitter is for people who have no lives", coming from the person who is ALWAYS on facebook and has uploaded 1200 pictures of them in front of a private jet, or in a limo, or holding your grey goose bottle at a club...

i kinda sound angry today huh? that's me needing a drink, because it's friday, and because you twitterhaters ARE MAKIN' ME CRAZY.

*i also have said characteristics, but since this is my blog, i'm allowed.

untitled post

Bryan Peters — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:33:00 PDT

i'm pretty fired up as of late. not about my usual stuff, like how we're out of coke zero at work, or how last week's spray tan is fading, giving me that oh-so-desirable leper look i was going for.

no, i'm talking about bigger issues... politics, morality, where our country is headed, kim kardashian's badonkadonk...

pageantgate 2009.

i am SHOCKED at the negativity miss california received for answering a question not only true to her own beliefs, but one that agrees with the majority of our country! for the miss usa pageant to allow a judge to impart his own political agenda, and to publicly distance themselves from this poor woman is ridiculous. and did liberal hollywood forget that obama is also against gay marriage?

tea parties.

i went, and really enjoyed it. it was a healthy, calm and peaceful protest, unlike you'd ever see from the left. janeane garofalo stopped hugging a tree long enough to take to the airwaves and call everyone that went to a tea party a racist redneck, insisting this is only about our President being black. this really annoyed me, until i realized that i am cute and have big boobs, and she's an angry brunette that shops at whole foods. i win.
and thankfully lou dobbs said it all for me. without using the word 'boobs'. i won't hold that against him.

speidi wedding.

i can't believe they're actually getting married. what does obama have to say about this? can't he issue an executive order to stop this from happening? doesn't she know what a scumbucket he is? what is a scumbucket exactly? i would presume it's a bucket o' scum, but maybe it's an actual thing? like when my ski instructor told me the snow on the side of the groomed paths was crud snow, and i thought he was trying to be funny, but it is ACTUALLY called crud snow? why am i still using question marks?

i need a nap.

gettin' out the puff paint tonight

Bryan Peters — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:35:00 PDT

"If ever a time should come when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of it's experienced Patriots to prevent it's ruin."
-Samuel Adams

Tomorrow marks the day that many frustrated Americans will come together and protest the current administration's out-of-control spending.

I plan on attending the Tea Party downtown Houston, along with my "meh" husband and my very excited great dane (she'll be sporting the latest in protest fashion).
Bryan is 'whatever' these days. Although he vocally supported Ron Paul, the guy who proposed abolishing the IRS, Bryan ended up voting for Obama. Which I actually understood to a degree. As young, conservative Americans, we were frustrated with some of Bush's policies and spending, and the opposite of Bush seemed like a decent alternative.

And although I support our current President and had truly hoped for success from his administration, 4 months into his Presidency I am growing weary. It's a similar feeling to the one I get when I order something different off the Taco Bell menu, as opposed to my usual nachobellgrandechickensofttacosideofcourcream order.

Racking up a deficit that is more than the previous 110 Congresses and 43 Presidents combined??? Not even me and 10 of my closest friends could do that on one of our fabulous vacations. And believe me, we've tried.

Unfortunately, the Tea Parties aren't being taken as seriously as they would have been a year ago. But then again, the spending wasn't quite this bad. Liberals will see this as "those crazy right-wingers", and the media will no doubt highlight the extremists that show up. You know the guy... bald, wearing a shirt that says "NObama", totin' a rifle and a Confederate flag tattoo. Frankly, I don't want to be lumped into that category. You're either an NRA-card-carrying right-winger, or you're a Birkenstock-wearing Nancy Pelosi. Ewww, I wouldn't want to see her in sandals. I bet her feet are nasty.

But then there's this HUGE in-between! Sort of like the gap I had on my chest before I got implants. thank you, I'll be here all night.

So bring on the teabagging! Wait... what?