Little Fluffy Cloud

fish, part II

Sarah Peters — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:48:00 PDT

Sometimes LFC branches off into politics, or personal stories or tales of how I can eat the entire right side of the Taco Bell menu in one sitting my great adventures.

But I like to get back to my roots... making fun of people. What can I say, it's a gift.

Previously we had explored the vast pool of single men looking for love. Now it's time for the ladies. And I use the term ladies loosely. Let's call them Loose Ladies, shall we?

REAL...DJ....RAPPER....MUSIC.....RECORD LABEL...MODEL...LOW MAITNENCE....EASY GOING...GOAL AND FAMILY ORIENTED....CAVALIERS FAN......MOTIVATED & DETERMINATED....MATURE....GOOD WOMAN..

'Cause Nascar bedding and mesh clothing have always symbolized 'maturity' to me. Well played.

my name is jillian. I am 28. I live in maine. I am easy to get along with. open minded. I like to go out and have fun.

Oh I am so sorry. I see your friend met a deathly fate with the 'spray can' function on Paint. My condolences.

23 female kansas. Not looking for anything but frieinds, if something more comes out of it good but won't get my hopes up. see if you can prove that not all guys are the same

If there was ever a 'Bless her heart' moment...

i like to hang out and be outside. i like to have fun. im really laid back and thats really most of it. if you wanna know more feel free to ask.

Hang outside and have fun? You look about one minute away from slitting your wrists or killing a kitten.

well i am 24 nd i got 4 kidz...jus ask wut u wanna know

I wud like to know where your kidz are.

My name is Cherokee Starr I live in Texas but right now in NJ Taking care of my mother i do private duty hospice work i love Native American Pow Wows Traveling . Cooking I love to cuddle snuggle and spending Quite nights with the one i love

I totally believe that you were born a woman named Cherokee Starr. Totally.

Hi my name is dorothy I love to do just about anything there is to do just long as i'am haven fun and doing it with some one i can hold kiss etc......i'am a realy romanic person i'am very affectionate person yes i'am a little jelious

Jelious? Does that mean one who likes Jello? I am Jelious too!

.GIGANTIC FAN OF REALITY, TRUTH N HONESTY! im
ASSERTIVE n SWEET.

Hey, um... did you know that you're one of those 80's poster in nail salons? Just sayin'.

fun,nice,loving,party gurl,loves music, hang out with friends

Don't look now, but your shirt is gone. It's okay, it happens to the best of us.

SWEET.. HONEST.. REAL..FUNNY.. DOWN2EARTH.. SEXY.. MARRIED.. SASSY.. SILKY..

She's right behind you........

Kinda makes you wish you were single again and seeing what's out there, huh?

nawm

Sarah Peters — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:49:00 PDT

Last night i was inspired.

It's not easy finding a muse... encountering someone that sparks something in you to do something great, something epic, something that will be talked about long after you're gone.

I have found that someone.

His flowing hair, his chiseled body, his boyish charm, and his comedic timing... it's awakened me, and I realized I have to share this with the world.

I give you... My 2009 Top 5 List:

#5

Brody Jenner.

Look, the guy is hot. Even if he *is* a trust-fund baby that used to be BFF's with Spencer Pratt. But I can't resist the Playboy attitude and the charming good-looks. And the fact that he finally ditched Spencer won me over completely.

#4
Cam Gigandet.
NAWM NAWM NAWM. And nawm. Seriously, nawm. I don't know this guy, but ran across him randomly in one of my gossip rags, and nawm. I would equate him to a pair of black peep-toe Christian Louboutin heels. Perfect in every way.
I will soon be Netflix'ing everything he's been in, in the hopes of bumping him up my list. And bumping him, period. Nawm. And nawm.

#3
David Beckham.
David... my love. You're gorgeous. But I feel as though our brief affair is coming to an end. And by affair I mean the time you spent listed on my top 5. It was passionate, but I had to bump ya, because the obvious-hotness you exude... well I just need more than just a pretty face.
However, I'm giving you time to redeem yourself. Why have I given you this second chance? I'll be the rope.
And seriously, ever since I wrote about Cam a couple of minutes ago, I can't get him out of my head. David, gimme something I can work with here.

#2
Ryan Reynolds.
The guys has been around awhile, and he's never quite done it for me. But his abs... oh they're new, and... seriously, I can't get Cam out of my head.
Some say my husband Bryan bears a likeness to Ryan, which is good for me. All I need to do is squint a little and I'm hookin' up with my #2 celeb.

#1
Bradley Cooper.
The guy who started it all. When he came on the screen in his black suit, Brande and I turned to eachother in unison and said "YUM."
He may not be as overly hot as say, Cam Gigandet (NAWM), but his attitude bumped him up for me. He's got that I-know-I'm-hot thing going on, and sometimes I like that in a guy. Not too much of that though, or else I'd have to bump him, for like, someone like Cam Gigandet. Nawm.

So there it is, my Top 5. I feel good, like LFC is maturing. I look back on some of the previous Top 5's, and I realize how far I've come. My tastes are changing, and I've got a hankerin' for some Cam. Nawm.

my twitter rant

Sarah Peters — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:55:00 PDT

i don't have a rant against twitter, but rather against the people who bash twitter without really knowing what they're bashing. YES I'M TALKING TO YOU MYSPACE ADDICT WHO ONLY USES CAPS TO WRITE. it's okay when *I* use all caps, but not you. you go away.

so you're hearing about twitter on the news, or on the INTERWEBZ, and you're curious. you must be up-to-date on all things tech, so you go check it out. you're a regular on myspace and facebook (and are updating both manually, snort, but that's another issue).
so none of your friends are on twitter, because they're equally lame, natch, and so you're already uninterested.
you sign up for an account, and in 2 weeks, you have 3 followers. clearly this twitter-place doesn't know who you are.
after following ashton kutcher and your next door neighbor, you have found their tweets weird and not-about-you, so you come to the conclusion that twitter is a facebook-wannabe, and not nearly as cool, since there are no pictures of you and hot girls. how else will you show the world how cool you are?

let me fill you in on a little secret. twitter was twittering before facebook was. that status update segment on fb? that's twitter's brilliant idea.
i know this because my uber-tech-savvy husband and my equally-tech-savvy-and-hot-girlfriend were twittering before demi and ashton were.

another awesome twitter feature? you don't have to follow the same people that follow you. it's a one-way deal, which instantly turns you off because you think everyone should follow you, because you're vain, ego-centric and self-obsessed*. which i realize all mean the same thing, but they bear being said in 3 different ways, because you're SO MUCH SO.

i once read "facebook is for people you know, twitter is for people you want to know." this couldn't be more true. look, i LOVE facebook. keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances, seeing their lives, vacations, kids, and drunk photos... i can't get enough.
but twitter is a different platform, with different people, and a different agenda. sure you can tweet about your daily life, but you can also read ideas, thoughts and links from people who are truly insightful and open to this amazing new way of sharing themselves.
for instance... some of the people i follow include politicians, a random smattering of celebrities, fellow bloggers that inspire me, groundbreaking individuals, and just overall freakin' funny people. i have even made a few local twitter-friends, simply based on how much i enjoyed their daily thoughts.

this isn't a place where you 'friend' someone based on their photo-shopped myspace photo. i'm flattered and all, but i ain't gonna friend you because you saw my photo and you "THINK WE SHOULD CHAT CUZ YOUR HAWT AND YOU COULD SHO ME A GUD TIME IN HTOWN."

this is a place where if your thoughts and ideas are interesting enough, you gain followers. you are forced to be something other than a pretty face. which of course i am, but i want to be more. whoa, that might have branched into full-on egotistical sarah-mode.

if you don't want to join twitter, no problem. but when i read "twitter is for people who have no lives", coming from the person who is ALWAYS on facebook and has uploaded 1200 pictures of them in front of a private jet, or in a limo, or holding your grey goose bottle at a club...

i kinda sound angry today huh? that's me needing a drink, because it's friday, and because you twitterhaters ARE MAKIN' ME CRAZY.

*i also have said characteristics, but since this is my blog, i'm allowed.

untitled post

Bryan Peters — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:33:00 PDT

i'm pretty fired up as of late. not about my usual stuff, like how we're out of coke zero at work, or how last week's spray tan is fading, giving me that oh-so-desirable leper look i was going for.

no, i'm talking about bigger issues... politics, morality, where our country is headed, kim kardashian's badonkadonk...

pageantgate 2009.

i am SHOCKED at the negativity miss california received for answering a question not only true to her own beliefs, but one that agrees with the majority of our country! for the miss usa pageant to allow a judge to impart his own political agenda, and to publicly distance themselves from this poor woman is ridiculous. and did liberal hollywood forget that obama is also against gay marriage?

tea parties.

i went, and really enjoyed it. it was a healthy, calm and peaceful protest, unlike you'd ever see from the left. janeane garofalo stopped hugging a tree long enough to take to the airwaves and call everyone that went to a tea party a racist redneck, insisting this is only about our President being black. this really annoyed me, until i realized that i am cute and have big boobs, and she's an angry brunette that shops at whole foods. i win.
and thankfully lou dobbs said it all for me. without using the word 'boobs'. i won't hold that against him.

speidi wedding.

i can't believe they're actually getting married. what does obama have to say about this? can't he issue an executive order to stop this from happening? doesn't she know what a scumbucket he is? what is a scumbucket exactly? i would presume it's a bucket o' scum, but maybe it's an actual thing? like when my ski instructor told me the snow on the side of the groomed paths was crud snow, and i thought he was trying to be funny, but it is ACTUALLY called crud snow? why am i still using question marks?

i need a nap.

gettin' out the puff paint tonight

Bryan Peters — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:35:00 PDT

"If ever a time should come when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of it's experienced Patriots to prevent it's ruin."
-Samuel Adams

Tomorrow marks the day that many frustrated Americans will come together and protest the current administration's out-of-control spending.

I plan on attending the Tea Party downtown Houston, along with my "meh" husband and my very excited great dane (she'll be sporting the latest in protest fashion).
Bryan is 'whatever' these days. Although he vocally supported Ron Paul, the guy who proposed abolishing the IRS, Bryan ended up voting for Obama. Which I actually understood to a degree. As young, conservative Americans, we were frustrated with some of Bush's policies and spending, and the opposite of Bush seemed like a decent alternative.

And although I support our current President and had truly hoped for success from his administration, 4 months into his Presidency I am growing weary. It's a similar feeling to the one I get when I order something different off the Taco Bell menu, as opposed to my usual nachobellgrandechickensofttacosideofcourcream order.

Racking up a deficit that is more than the previous 110 Congresses and 43 Presidents combined??? Not even me and 10 of my closest friends could do that on one of our fabulous vacations. And believe me, we've tried.

Unfortunately, the Tea Parties aren't being taken as seriously as they would have been a year ago. But then again, the spending wasn't quite this bad. Liberals will see this as "those crazy right-wingers", and the media will no doubt highlight the extremists that show up. You know the guy... bald, wearing a shirt that says "NObama", totin' a rifle and a Confederate flag tattoo. Frankly, I don't want to be lumped into that category. You're either an NRA-card-carrying right-winger, or you're a Birkenstock-wearing Nancy Pelosi. Ewww, I wouldn't want to see her in sandals. I bet her feet are nasty.

But then there's this HUGE in-between! Sort of like the gap I had on my chest before I got implants. thank you, I'll be here all night.

So bring on the teabagging! Wait... what?

things i learned from my trip to aspen

Bryan Peters — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:45:00 PDT

A-Rod does not wash his hands after using the bathroom. We have eyewitnesses. And just think where his hands have been.
What do you get when you cross Hymen Street with the Peter Lik Gallery?
Finding an iPhone on Buttermilk Mountain is not the same as finding a needle in a haystack. It's actually quite easy.
3 blondes + 3 asians = a Vivid Entertainment producer's dream.
When a stewardess gives you a Bloody Mary and a small bottle of Skyy Vodka, you're supposed to combine the two. Not drink separately.
2 drinks at a high altitude are the same as 4 drinks at sea level. We do not have video proof of this however.
Tablecloths can be used as jump-ropes. Sort of.
If you want to swim in a stranger's hot tub, it is perfectly acceptable to ask said stranger for use of their personal swim trunks.
Orgasms can be reached by merely partaking in the sushi offered at Matsuhisa.
The orgasms are to keep you happy when you receive the bill.
Cougars are said to frequent downtown Aspen and leave tracks in the shape of Gucci boots.
TexMex eaten anywhere outside of Tex or Mex is to be eaten at your own risk.
The Hooter's Ski Team would be more appropriately named The Hot Girls That Just Spray Tanned And Sit In The Lodge Looking Cute And Not Skiing Team. I secretly wished I could join.

this year's enron

Bryan Peters — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:35:00 PDT

i just had to sound off on this topic for a moment.

ok, so we give AIG like a bajillion* dollars, and they turn around and give a tiny minute** portion of that to their executives.
and what's the problem exactly?

initially, it sounds like a terrible thing to do. something only a BIG BAD CORPORATE GIANT would do. oooo those evil corporations.

but wait... how can we give a ton of money to save a company and then tell them how to spend it?
for instance... last year, the taxpayers received a 'bailout' from the bush administration. from what i recall, it was something around $1200 a household. you got a check in the mail, you did whatever the hell you wanted with it, and then you paid taxes on it. me? i had the BEST DAY EVER at the sanrio store. READ: all the hello kitty backpacks and cell phone cases the government could buy.

now theoretically, people who got checks should have invested their money, or paid down debt, or whatever is considered a smart financial decision. but, being as that we're free-thinking individuals, we're given the oppotunity to do whatever we feel is best.
imagine the government giving us a check, but saying you can't spend it on XYZ. hey, i happen to think cases of barefoot bubbly is an investment in my future, but i could be wrong.

all i'm saying is, let's get back to what the REAL problem is here. a company has the right to do whatever they want, and spend whatever they want on whoever they want, and the second the government steps in on that, we are losing more rights. doesn't that worry anyone else?

and for the record, i don't think we should have given them the bailout in the first place. especially without researching how that money was going to be used.

*this is an actual figure. it's equal to like a whole lotta money.

**does it bother anyone else that 'minute' is spelled like 'minute'? i realize you can't tell the difference, since you can't hear me, but i am using 'minute' like itty-bitty. MY-NOOT.

time filler

Sarah Peters — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 19:36:00 PST

[Do you like blue cheesing dressing]
Only on The Wedge. If you've ever had a Wedge, you know what I'm talking about.

[Have you ever smoked cigarettes]
Only the secondhand kind. I'm totally addicted.

[Do you own a gun]
I don't think so. But I think there's some rule that when you live in Texas, you're supposed to have one, so it's probably under my Stetson or in my barn. Y'all.

[What's your favorite drink at Starbucks]
Water. It goes well with the Lemon Pound Cake.

[Do you get nervous before doctor appointments]
There's gotta be a name for it. Like doctorphobia, or some other more creative word. Whatever it is, I got it.

[What do you think of hot dogs]
I don't.

[Favorite Christmas song]
The entire album '3 Ships' by Yes. It's a Posey thing.

[What do you prefer to drink in the morning]
I prefer to drink mimosas. 12 of them. But I actually drink water. Maybe one day what I prefer and what is actual will be one and the same. A girl can dream.

[Can you do push-ups]
No, but I can play Freecell like nobody's business.

[What's your favorite piece of jewelry]
My wedding ring. Thanks Papa Vic.

[Favorite hobbies]
Things I don't do - like rock-climbing or base-jumping or traveling with Greenpeace. Mine are way less exciting, so let's just use those.

[What's one trait you hate about yourself]
That I don't wear tutu's often enough. Luckily it's one of my New Year's resolutions.

[Middle name]
Danielle.

[Name 3 drinks you regularly drink]
Champagne. Champagne. Squirt.

[Current worry right now]
That I'm too phat. Or fat. I can't remember which.

[Current hate right now]
Mouth breathers.

[Favorite place to be]
First-class.

[Like to travel]
Is ya mama fat?

[Do you own slippers]
Like 18 pairs.

[What color shirt are you wearing]
I like my shirts like I like my men: Black.

[Could you ever make it on the show Survivor]
No way. I'm more of a Celebrity Rehab contender.

[What songs do you sing in the shower]
Boyz II Men. True story.

[Favorite girl names]
Besides my own? Ew.

[Favorite boy names]
"Gimme Your Credit Card." At least I think that's his name. He answers to it.

[What's in your pocket right now]
Not a Little Debbie.

[Last thing that made you laugh]
Sleep-walking dog. Bless his heart.

[Worst injury you've ever had]
Injuries are a good thing. They usually come with vicodin.

[Do you love where you live]
2 minutes from work, 1 minute from Taco Bell, and 5 minutes from Spec's, so YES. The placement of our home was indeed intentional.

[How many TV's do you have in your house]
Enough to keep 24, ESPN and Seinfeld running all day every day. It's like a dreamland...

[Who is your loudest friend]
Me. But as a theater major, I was trained to PROJECT, people. I can't control it.

[Does someone have a crush on you]
Nigga please.

[What is your favorite candy]
Yes please.

[Favorite sports team]
The one where I get to drink beer while I watch them. Or not watch them.

[What were you doing at 12 am last night]
Dreaming.

[What is your favorite holiday]
Arbor Day.

[What are your plans for tomorrow]
Lather, rinse, repeat.

star trek: khan's wrath or whatever, from lfc's perspective

Bryan Peters — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:38:00 PST

khan had a lot of wrath let me tell you. dude was hard up for some revenge on shatner, but as we all know, shatner prevails. i mean, he IS the spokesperson for smith & hassler, personal injury lawyers.

ok, so the legends were true... the wrath of khan was definitely better than the first star trek. but i think big momma's house would be better than the first star trek. the jonas brothers: 3d concert experience would be better than the first star trek. so wrath of khan had nowhere to go but up. and boy did it. opening scene, who did they score?

skinny kirstie! aw, bless her heart. but seriously, i almost spit out my drink when i saw this. thank god i didn't... it was boone's, and momma don't waste no boone's.

ok, so kirstie is some trainee chick with a bunch of other trainees, and they're being tested, and she moves like a robot, and bryan tells me it's because she's one of those vulcans, kinda like spock, and have you noticed i haven't yet ended this sentence let's see how long i can go without a period or question mark or exclaimation point wow this is pretty exciting!

damn.

in the first movie, i was sorely disappointed with the costume department and their apparent inability to put additional layers in any of their suits. the lead designer must've missed that class in fashion school "Linings & Cups 101"... he was too hungover from the previous night's party at studio 54, where he did lines off some dude's... whoa forgot LFC was PG. i mean he was too tired from playing with puppies the day before.

but so far in wrath, i am fairly pleased that the studio decided to throw more money into wardrobe, as indicated by the above photo. they even sprung for some dickeys... you know, to give the indication that they're wearing mock turtlenecks, when they're really not. dickeys are great that way.

uh oh, spoke too soon.

those crazy kids in wardrobe got a little ahead of themselves. "bubble hems? why not! let's go for the gusto! what IS a gusto?! we don't care! let's just go for it!"

and the placard... really? a placard on a spaceship? shouldn't there be something more, permanent? like something that wouldn't fall over when doing that whole warp speed thingie? and this sign was totally stolen from the lot next door where they were shooting airplane!. yes stewardess, i speak jive.

and really guys, you thought leisure suits would stand the test of time and still be around in the year 7012 (or whatever crazy future date)? hey guess what, they didn't even make it to 1985. so well played.

here's where it got good. no, not in the plot... i think we may have reached the ultimate mullet-sighting. IN SPACE.

and that's the big daddy... KHAN. and as you can see, one of his minions has a mullet too. in fact, they all had some form or variation of a mullet. it was quite the mulleter's playground. and for those of you into this, here's a nice poufy front-shot...

now, for the record, mullets are usually business in the front, party in the back. but i think kahn's is more party/party. those bangs are ready for some fun.

i am so excited and distracted by all the mullets and outfits and skinny kirstie, that i haven't been paying attention to the actual plot. but then again, who needs a plot when you have Mullets In Space™? good name for a band. thank you houston, we're Mullets in Space, goodnight!

ok, so the 2 dudes get captured by the mullet mafia, and khan sticks this worm dealio in chekov's ear, which was really gross. and can i just mention that saying "chekov" really quick sounds like "jack off". i was giggling like a 12-year old pubescent boy through the entire movie. totally annoyed bryan, which was a bonus.

now we get to hear some of spock's infinite wisdom, while he's sitting in front of his new infinite mirror, which he got on sale at spencer's.

girlfriend got her nails did. i'm jealous.

ok, so now khan and his dudes captured a ship and are going to take their wrath out on shatner. and that's when we get THIS shot:

i can't remember... is this motley crue or van halen? i always get them confused.
and a close-up of the dude on the right... who appears to be playing with himself in space:

and let me just say, whatever they didn't spend on hair & makeup, they made up for in constructing khan's rippling chest-plate. peters needs to get himself one of those.

so now a bunch of bad stuff happens, things get blown up, yada yada and now they're trying to figure out how to make khan chill out.

this is an important scene - discussing strategy and world peace, and skinny kirstie is checking out the craft services table:

kirstie, don't do it. i realize you can't see your fat future, but i can, and i assure you, it ain't pretty. i realize trying to influence the skinny you might upset space and time as we know it, but i don't care - don't you see i am trying to keep you from eating your weight in donuts?!

now this appears to be a pretty pivotal (and timeless) part of the movie. when willy is yelling "khan! khaaaannnn!!" and look how funny he looks when i pause it?

so yeah... um... that's about it. i am pretty sure everything turned out alright. oh yeah, and spock took one for the team and died so they shot him into space. bryan teared up. i did too, but not because spock died, but because the boone's bottle was empty.

meme meme

Sarah Peters — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:38:00 PST

A meme all about me. Since talking about me is what I do best, especially with meme's. I have bolded what I have done before... too bad it didn't list "drink 14 bottles of Moet in one day" or "stalk Jack Bauer", since that's pretty much what I do ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

Started your own blog. Who would do that? That's like putting all your shit out there for the whole fucking world to see. Wait a minute, can I cuss on it and not care who's reading? Brilliant!
Slept under the stars. Um hello, everyone sleeps under stars every night. DUR.
Played in a band. Yes, and by played in a band I mean pushed the colored buttons on the Rock Band guitar. Thank you Houston, good night!
Visited Hawaii. OH MY GOD the flight is long. I almost slit my wrists it was so long, but then I realized my life wasn't as bad as I thought it was, since I was flying to Hawaii and all.
Watched a meteor shower. And farted along to it. You're allowed to do that when you live in Texas.
Given more than you can afford to charity. To charity? No. To my shoe fund? Yes.
Been to Disneyland. Not Land, but World. Which is stupid, considering World is much better than Land. So I've heard. But this source also told me that Del Taco is better than Taco Bell, so I'm not sure they can be trusted.
Climbed a mountain. No way. That would require that I drink water and wear flat shoes. Ew.
Held a praying mantis. OMG, no.
Sang a solo. All the time. The audience adores me, too. And by audience I mean Bryan, Jersey and Chevy.
Bungee-jumped. No, they wouldn't let me take my champagne bottle with me. And if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it with champagne in my hand.
Visited Paris. Not yet. One of these days.
Watched a lightning storm at sea.
Taught yourself an art from scratch. Does being awesome count as an art?
Adopted a child. Wow, I think this gets like major props, not just recognition on a blog meme.
Had food poisoning. The rule of food poisoning is - it comes out both ends. And yes.
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Why would someone do that, when the world's biggest McDonald's is nearby?
Grown your own vegetables. I like mine genetically-engineered and coated in preservatives.
Seen the Mona Lisa in France. I am neither well-educated nor interested.
Slept on an overnight train. And I ate soup for dinner. Which is stupid... soup on a train?
Had a pillow fight. Or rather, we posed like we were having one, but it totally counts.
Hitchhiked. Hi, I wanna get raped and left for dead.
Taken a sick day when you're not ill. I might not have been "ill" in the traditional sense of the word, but puking jello shots from La Strada certainly qualifies as being ill.
Built a snow fort.
Held a lamb. I've held a Leg of Lamb. Nawm nawm.
Gone skinny dipping. Even during the day. In public. What happens in Miami stays in Mia... dammit!
Ran a marathon. A relay marathon. I sucked. End of story.
Ridden a gondola in Venice.
Seen a total eclipse. I have vague memories as a kid.
Watched a sunrise or sunset.
Hit a home run. In bed.
Been on a cruise.
Seen Niagara Falls in person.
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. Oh yeah, been to Waco many times. And they have almost all of their teeth. Well, back teeth at least.
Seen an Amish community. Saw the Mennonites while on a jungle cruise in Belize. And since the Mennonites are almost Amish, I am totally counting this.
Taught yourself a new language. You mean, like better myself? Ew.
Had enough money to be truly satisfied. Puh-lease.
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We had the chance to, but we opted for sleeping in instead. Priorities people.
Gone rock climbing. I listened to Bryan tell me about his rock-climbing experience. That was exhausting enough.
Seen Michelangelo's David.
Sung karaoke.
Seen the Old Faithful geyser erupt.
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
Visited Africa. No, but I listened to the song Africa by Toto. Good times.
Walked on a beach by moonlight. I smoked pot on a beach by moonlight. Walking is overrated. Wow, let's hope my family is reading.
Been transported in an ambulance.
Had your portrait painted. Bryan drew a stick figure of me once. It had big boobs.
Gone deep-sea fishing. I drank beer while others did.
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person. True story: I didn't KNOW I was in the Sistine Chapel. I thought we were in some holding room before we got to the chapel, and I was wondering why everyone was so quiet and looking up. After 10 minutes of standing there reading my tourguide map, it dawned on me. Dumb blonde? No. Idiot? Yes.
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. DUDE, I was totally going to say yes until you said "in Paris." Have you seen Vegas's Eiffel Tower? I don't think Paris' is as good. Or as big.
Gone scuba-diving or snorkeling. Hate it.
Kissed in the rain.
Played in the mud.
Gone to a drive-in theater. My parents took us to see Beetlejuice. It was too 'secular', so we left. Clearly their attempt at raising me non-secular was successful.
Been in a movie. I was an extra in 'Powder'. No, I wasn't the really white person.
Visited the Great Wall of China.
Started a business. Does supervising Bryan's business count? It should, because he worked his ass off, and I spent the money. We're a great team.
Taken a martial arts class.
Visited Russia. I've had vodka and know a girl named Kalmanoff.
Served at a soup kitchen. I should totally do something selfless like this, but I have to catch up on my reality tv. Sorry, maybe next time.
Sold Girl Scout cookies. Oh yes, but I was the one whose parents bought them all so I could get that stuffed animal prize.
Gone whale-watching. Unfortunately, the whales weren't human-watching that day.
Got flowers for no reason.
Donated blood, platelets or plasma. Ew.
Gone sky-diving.
Visited a Nazi concentration camp. Those still exist? Cool!
Bounced a check.
Flown in a helicopter.
Saved a favorite childhood toy. Oscar the Grouch.
Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
Eaten caviar. GRODY to the max.
Pieced a quilt. I am neither 80-years old nor live on a farm.
Stood in Times Square.
Toured the Everglades.
Been fired from a job. Whatev.
Seen the changing of the guards in London.
Broken a bone. This would require doing something physical, which I try to avoid.
Been on a motorcycle. Dur.
Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
Published a book.
Visited the Vatican. Pope on a Rope, I should have bought it.
Bought a brand new car.
Walked in Jerusalem.
Had your picture in the newspaper. Do college papers count? Of course they do.
Read the entire Bible. I read the entire Picture Bible, and that's totally the same thing.
Visited the White House.
Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Isn't that what chefs are for?
Had chicken pox. At 18. SUCKED.
Saved someone's life. Convinced a friend to get TiVo. Luckily for her, I was in the right place at the right time. It was a close call, but God was looking out for her that day. I like to call it a miracle.
Sat on a jury.
Met someone famous. Woody Harrelson. We're BFF's.
Joined a book club. No, but I should totally start an US Magazine Club. Brilliant!
Lost a loved one. No one besides grandparents, who are supposed to die. Wow, that sounded completely insensitive. You should drink more, I would sound a lot less callus. It's you, not me.
Had a baby. I can barely take a big dump without crying.
Seen the Alamo in person. Every child that grew up in Texas was forced on a family trip to the Alamo. It's the closest thing to culture we have in this state. Next to Taco Bell of course.
Swam in the Great Salt Lake. No, but one time I hit a sale at Saks. It was exhausting.
Been involved in a lawsuit. No, but I totally want to sue someone to get rich. It's the American Dream.
Owned a cell phone. Bought my first one in 1996... $30 a month for 30 minutes. What a steal.
Been stung by a bee. By a wasp, though. And completely did not overreact. And by not overreact, I mean I completely overreacted. It's opposite day.
Read an entire book in 1 day. Pretty much every Nancy Drew book every written. I adored her. Maybe took it a step too far when I bought a blue mustang at 19.