Continue reading »]]> Beloved readers, it is 2012!

Continue reading »]]> I outlined my full creed here, beloved readers.

This is  a series of posts that will elaborate upon the points presented in my Creed of Sorts before I begin digitally penning the femininity content that will dominated Femininity Now in 2012.

The second belief I expressed in that post was this:

“2. All women are feminine. I firmly believe this. There are different varieties of femininity, but all women are. It is important to find out what your brand of it is and to uncover it. Harsh lives, harsh times, and harsh words can cause us to engage in behaviors out of self-defense or habit that diminish the more obvious aspects of our unique femininity.”

When I started the first and second drafts of this post, I initially wanted to fill it with inspiring pictures of lovely women in every shape and size to prove my point. I decided against it for my final draft, and in fact, will keep this post picture-less. Why?

They are too loaded given the inextricable link between “beauty” and femininity, for what I want to accomplish with this post which is:

to outline why all women can be and ARE feminine even if they are not considered “beautiful” by society.

This should be a simple concept, but society has so convoluted physical attractiveness with a woman’s worth for centuries, the globe over, and has upheld only certain types of beauty as “feminine” it would be nearly impossible to avoid dulling my message.

In other words, using photos of attractive women to illustrate that I feel “beauty” and femininity are NOT joined at the hip, would not only be confusing, but self-sabotaging. I DO NOT support, agree, validate the thought that fleeting physical beauty –the definition of which is painfully subjective and tainted by misogyny, colonialism, racism, and photo-shop– and femininity are bound to one another.

I know you may be thinking: that’s so cute and “intellectual”, but Esther didn’t save her people because she was pretty on the “inside”.

I follow, beloved readers.

I’m not saying physical beauty doesn’t matter. In fact, I will be typing many posts on how to do a variety of mundane tasks in the most beautiful manner possible (down to facial expressions and how you hold your glass), and why know said things is important. I will write posts for why grooming and appearance are important, regardless of sex, for reasons that ironically, have little to do with being attractive for attractiveness’ sake.

I will speak to the issue of beauty in this post as well –unpacking what it is, on this blog, free of the trappings of the Cosmetic industry, Fashion industry, Colonial history, and general stupidity. Essentially, back to the bare-bone, biologically determined basics that we as humans can’t help but find lovely to look at (even in other species).

Before I do so, please take two steps back to a paragraph above with me, as I finally get to my point (after that lengthy pseudo disclaimer of sorts):

I DO NOT support, agree, validate the thought that fleeting physical beauty –the definition of which is painfully subjective and tainted by misogyny, colonialism, racism, and photo-shop– and femininity are bound to one another.

I simply do not.

Why? After having the Ugly Girl Experience until the age of twenty-three and then in one year suddenly “blooming” at twenty-four and having to wait until I was almost TWENTY FIVE for my face to finally stop changing, I realized that I became feminine long before I became “pretty” or “beautiful”. (YES, puberty lasted that long for me; it runs in the family –we are mutants, apparently.)

I spent 3-5 years in my late teens, retraining my mannerisms, speech patterns, dress, tastes, etc. to become (more) feminine after giving up on ever being “attractive”as my friends around me peaked physically and I was clearly a long ways off from ever being a “swan”. I inadvertently proved to myself the two were not as bound as I once thought, in the process.

Once my face and body changed and I became “pretty” (or at least attractive enough to have strangers, male and female, regularly stop me on the street and compliment my appearance), I realized that even if my face and body had never changed I would always have been feminine. How did I know this? I had received compliments on my posture and comportment long before “blooming”!

It occurred to me that the social ills that cause the word association between “beauty” and “femininity” do women a great disservice.

They are both components of womanhood, but not of each other. 

It was a light-bulb moment. I speak to so many young women and women twice my age alike, who will say something like: “You walk so beautifully…but, you’re pretty so it figures.”

No. It doesn’t “figure”.

Physical beauty DOES NOT equal a feminine walk, mannerisms, speech patterns, expressions, etiquette, manners, or good character.

And it NEVER will.

Ever. (Say it with me: NEVER EVER! Feels good, no?)

A gorgeous face does not make a clumsy women into a graceful one, by any stretch of the imagination!!

I see many a Barbie-look alike with the strut of a lumberjack, the mouth of a sewer, the comportment of a Jack Russell Terrier, and the presence of a goat.

Once their physical beauty takes even the slightest of a “dive” (they have a breakout, gain 5 pounds, etc.) they go from being “Beautiful Messes” to “invisible and worthless” by society’s erroneous standards.

While a feminine “plain Jane” has something irresistible about her that you simply cannot leave alone no matter what her size, skin condition, hair color, skin color, facial features, etc., and society’s general boorishness cannot change that.

Is it a harder road to walk? Yes.

I would be a fool to not acknowledge that “Beautiful Messes” get a lot of “passes” in society. Oh, yes, yes, yes they do, beloved readers. People treat me in an entirely different fashion now than when I was overweight, shorter, with cystic acne, poor style, poor manner, no comportment, glasses, and no self-esteem –despite being the same loving, sincere individual I am now. If I’m not careful, that will make me bitter. Very bitter, in fact, because it is so blasted wrong.

Is it unfair? Yes. I would not dare insult your intelligence by claiming otherwise. Let me ask you this, however:

What of it, beloved readers?

Truly. What of it? The choice to give in or become a force to be reckoned with is yours and no one can take it away from you. I refused to let the unfairness of others (which is beyond my control) keep me from being and giving my absolute best (which I can control) to those who show themselves worthy (that I can keep in my life, while booting out those who are not worthy of it).

I blog to aid the women that choose the latter. (Welcome, by the way, to the League of Extraordinary Women –we’ve been waiting for you!)

Those women I mentioned earlier, both young and mature,are often shell-shocked to hear the above.

EVERY TIME, I have this conversation I witness the realization dawn in their eyes that unconsciously they have considered themselves less feminine than other women or not feminine at all because of a perceived failure to measure up to society’s BEAUTY standards. They begin to realize they can be feminine regardless of what society says is lovely at that moment –and that society cannot help but be fascinated by a feminine woman, no matter what “type” of woman is in vogue!

THIS IS ENCOURAGING.

Why?

For those of us who are not “Beautiful Messes”, we do not need to focus on trying to simply be “prettier”, but on becoming more feminine, which arguably leads to being more YOU, not a cookie-cutter, subjective, elusive, unrealistic beauty ideal.

I mentioned I would parse out what I mean by “beauty”. Here is where I do that. Hopefully, even if you don’t agree with me up until this point, you’re amused enough to keep listening to my idea:

“Beauty” and femininity are both PARTS of womanhood, but not each other.

I’m unpacking “femininity” over the course of explaining my Creed, so I will tackle beauty here and now, and what I mean when I refer to “beauty”.

Before I begin, please note: I am not ignorant of, nor unaware to society does not agree with my views, and is very good at spitting in the faces of those that don’t meet its asinine mark. As a woman of color who has grown up in the West (and is “Western” by culture, American specifically) and abroad I am constantly told  by the media that I will never fit ANY definition of beauty and by the current beauty standards of the West, East Asia, most of South America, and most of the Middle East, and a good chunk of Africa I am the exact opposite of all that is considered lovely in the known universe.

I get it. I’ve been “getting it” since I was four years old. Great. I’m moving on. Why?

I’ve never had difficulty prompting men of character of a variety of backgrounds into wanting to give me their surname –AFTER I became more feminine, and well BEFORE I became some kind of attractive (Of course you won’t appeal to everyone all the time, all the world over, no matter how physically “pretty” you may be).

My goal isn’t to be the loveliest woman in the world. Mainly because as I don’t have to be to have the things I want: fulfilling work, a husband, family, friends.

It’s just that simple.

I don’t have to be.

If I did…this would be a totally different blog; however, I DO need to be feminine to achieve those things!

I need to be so more than I ever appreciated a few years ago, when I initially began pursuing it.

Beauty, what I’ll probably henceforth refer to as “biological beauty” on Femininity Now are the things worth noting and bringing to the best that they can be, as your unique appearance allows:

Hip-to-Waist Ratio (A body that is in proportion –a larger woman with the proper ratio, reads as more attractive than a slimmer one with an improper one, studies bare it out, ladies!)

A Healthy Body (FIT and STRONG, regardless of body type. Apple, pear, banana, violin, lollipop, vase, your-uncle’s-cat shape doesn’t matter, only FITNESS does.)

Healthy Skin (As even as you can get it –IN ANY HUE– and can be enhanced with make-up as you so choose.)

Healthy Hair (Length, texture, and color ARE NOT important –so long as it is great condition. I know, society may state a preference, but the draw of a head of healthy hair that flies in the face of society’s standards is powerful, in a good way, I might add.)

Healthy Nails (Length and shape are not the issue, nails are an indicator of HEALTH, and you want them to scream: I AM FECUND! Nail polish is up to you. Unmanicured feet and hands are not an option.)

Clean, white teeth (They don’t have to be perfectly straight. Clean and white teeth are lovely in all arrangements.)

Impeccable posture (Non-negociable. Strive for the best your body can be; the rest is cake and war.)

Voice Tone and Quality (You sound differently when you’re ovulating than when you are not, for a reason!)

Mannerisms/Spacial Relations (Do you have a smooth, even, balanced way of moving about? Grace can be learned!)

This list is not accounting for good character and personality, which are also key –but are not as immediately obvious.

In closing I’d like to state the obvious:

OFTEN, the “beauty industry” touts an image of “ideal beauty” that runs smack in the face of what we are biologically hard-wired to find attractive.

That’s okay. Why?

Beauty is a part –a SMALL part– of womanhood, and NOT a part of femininity.

Femininity, is a part –the most powerful part, I believe– of womanhood, because it it key to the healthy exhibition of who YOU are.

Strength, courage, sincerity, virtue, tenacity, joy, etc. all of these have a feminine expression, that when combined with the characteristics particular to womanhood have the capacity to produce a limitless potential within all of us to be blessing or curse to those around us. (Gasp! Men and woman are different! I’m being un-PC in daring to type such a thing, I know. NOTE: I didn’t say said expression was worse or better than their Masculine counterparts –they are just different and equally valid and necessary.)

I firmly believe that all women are innately feminine, which means all women, beloved readers, have within them the capacity for that “limitless potential” to influence those around them and their circumstances for the better.

Life may have beat it into submission or only allowed you to develop your unique femininity in an unbalanced way because you had to focus more on “survival” let alone living, or even thriving in your most feminine self. Perhaps the capes of being “strong”, “Miss Independent”, and a “superwoman” have failed to flutter as gallantly in the wind behind you as they promised. Perhaps those that should have protected you and provided for you dropped the ball (or threw it right out the window).

It’s still there, waiting.

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Are you ready to be extraordinary, beloved readers?

I certainly hope so.

Continue reading »]]> Beloved readers, I find myself in a place where I am in constant motion –which makes me incredibly happy.

Continue reading »]]> Beloved readers,

I have set the Hair Care and Skin Care review pages to text links, rather than photos, to cut grueling load times for those on mobile devices.

Take care!

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Beloved readers, I have only two complaints about this product.

Yes, only two.

Actually, one and one-half is more accurate, because the first is more of a pet-peeve of mine having thick, dense, curly/coily hair.

What am I baaing about? Products geared for my hair type are often called “treatments”, rather than “creams”, “styling aids”, etc. more often than not. My hair type does not need to be “treated”. It needs to be well-cared for and admired. Marketing team, this is a gentle nudge in your direction, from me to you.

That is the “one-half” of a complaint. The other is a probably more meaningful to you as consumers, beloved readers: Overusing this can cause teeny-tiny, itty-bitty flakes in one’s hair. They aren’t big enough to see without holding your head an inch from a well-lit mirror; however, it CAN have a dulling effect on your hair color over all until washed out.

That is it.

Now, I have nothing but raging compliments about this product to share with you.

My 3b/3c texlaxed hair and fully natural 4a/3c hair both responded to this BEAUTIFULLY! This is not a small thing. Normally products that make my texlaxed hair a glory to behold fall short of fully satisfying my 100% natural tresses. If I transition (again) in the future, I will be returning to this product FIRST, before all others (as of today, at least).

Let’s begin from the outside and work our way in –this wouldn’t be a “Little Golden Lamb” review if I didn’t gush and/or kvetch about the bottle itself.

Both the travel-size/trail-size container and full-size container future a modern, neutral-color palette, indestructible top (it pops off and then right back on, never truly breaking, which is a major annoyance with flip-tops!), clean layout, cute font, invertible design (so you get every amazing drop), and an easy to hold texture (no dropping it on your foot in the shower!). In short, it is brilliantly designed and takes up little space in a chic suitcase. Well done, design team!

The product itself (Yes, I’m finally getting to it!), is opaque white with a creamy, milky, slippery texture. It is easy –luxuriously and deceptively easy– to over use for this reason. It also GLIDES like a prima ballerina over your strands –sans tangles– because of this as well.

It has a fresh, non-sweet, non-super-floral, non-super-herbal texture. It simply smells, fresh and clean and is wonderfully unobtrusive. This is a major plus, for many. I love a strong fragrance in a product; but, having discovered my signature fragrance last December, I am slow to use hair products that compete with it. This does not. That typed and read, this works so well I would consider using it, regardless.

You are probably wondering, “What does this do so well besides feel awesome to the touch, smell nice, and come in a swanky bottle?”

The following:

PERFECTLY defined curls with no clumps, no greasiness, and  wet-hair shine, without that “wet-hair look”.

Fluffy, SILKY (not something my hair chooses to be naturally, even when in good health, it prefers to be fleecy), fleecy, curls were mine with ONE PRODUCT.

TOUCHABLE, sensually smooth curls were mine to carry about all day.

Hair that dried quickly sans frizz (not surprising, giving the name of the product line, ha!), with or without heat (I almost always air-dry, even in mid-western winters –I suffer much, for my curls, when I wear them).

All of this EVERYDAY WITHOUT FAIL.

For the first time I NEVER had to fear a bad hair day. I had MONTHS of flawless hair.

How glorious!

Now, unsurprisingly this kind of “awesome” doesn’t come without a price.

Living Proof is no exception, most of the full-size products run around $26 dollars at your local Ulta or Sephora. The travel/trial size is around $10-$15 dollars. This is also not a product that you can skimp with while using it. You will need to use the exact amount that is right for you (I know. I tried.). Thankfully, I found a little went a long way. (I just couldn’t “stretch” the product to last longer, to turn a phrase.).

For perfect hair every day, all day as a curly-girl, I realized using only three products –that were slightly pricer than the droves I used before– that didn’t deliver the same results proved to be more economical, for me, over the course of time.

Make the best choice for your hair and your wallet, beloved readers.

As of today, this is my staple brand texlaxed, natural, and relaxed.

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Beloved readers, Brianna asked:

“I’ve searched the entire internet(at least it felt that way).

I need a conditioner combo that will supply me with:
Moisture
Little to none silicones
Slip
Will give me soft pliable hair.
Nice scent (I am not particular, I just like my hair to have a pleasant smell)
I am willing to spend up to $15- 25

I know its hard to offer suggestions without seeing the hair, but I am relaxed, its neck length, fine but alot of hair so I have to be careful not to weigh my hair down with products. I shampoo, deep condition, and flat iron my hair twice a month. I moisturize every other day with HHLTR leave in and seal with Grapeseed oil.

Just for more information, my hair likes HH Hello Hydration and Yes to Carrots C is for Conditioner. These products work the best out of the many I have tried.

My hair hates any ORS conditioner, the organix coconut conditioner, Suave almond and shea butter conditioner, and Aussie. Thats just a quick list.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.”

My dear that is a tall order, to be sure! You noted your hair likes HH and Say Yes to Carrots.

I would suggest trying the Say Yes to Cucumbers line as well, by the Say Yes to Carrots company as well as well as J/A/S/O/N conditioners and shampoos. Both lines do contain silicones, but are formulated very well to be clean-rinsing.

They  leave hair smelling fresh, and feeling smooth, soft, and supple without weighing it down. You can read my reviews for J/A/S/O/N products here and Say Yes to Cucumbers here.

My relaxed hair appreciated Kinky-Curly products (don’t let the emphasis on curls scare you away from the line). You can read them here.

If you want to spend a bit more, No Frizz by Living Proof is currently blowing my little, golden mind with their amazing, hard-working products that have no silicones.

Aveda’s Damage Remedy line (also a bit pricey) may also suit your fancy. You can read my reviews for Aveda here and Living Proof here.

I have three more Living Proof reviews coming (two in February and one in March –I’m still using the product).

I hope this is helpful, dear heart.

Thank you for reading!

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As of the writing of this post, beloved readers, Living Proof’s No Frizz Solutions is my staple brand as I grow out my texlaxed TWA (which is half natural, and half texlaxed/colored).

Much of this review will contain snippets on my review of the conditioner (which can be read here) as they are similar in several respects.

I wrote:

I am pleased with this product’s performance in every way possible. After a chemical-free life in 2011, I’ve redefined for myself what chemicals I’m comfortable with in my beauty regimens and this not only made the cut, it set the curve.

I love the modern, natural palette, deliciously efficient packaging –indestructible tab tops, ergonomic shape, and invertible bottles– and it’s great layout and sleek font. CHIC!

It has an unobtrusive, unisex, “fresh” scent. It lingers only slightly, if at all. I love that it is not floral-y,powdery or creamy sweet, like many products marketed toward women are.

This is SILICONE AND PARABEN-FREE, and is choc full of exclusive ingredients.

The only caveat to this product, for some ladies, is going to be it’s price. You get what you pay for and in this case I’m willing to pay for perfect hair days.

I NEVER have a bad hair day with this line and that kind of certainty with curly, coil locks is pert near priceless.

In this case, it’s about $26 at your local Ulta, Sephora, or Salon. I tried the travel sizes first, which were $10-$12 each, at my local Ulta.

There you have it, beloved readers, my little, golden staple line for 2012 (and perhaps beyond!).

Check out their site and other lines here.

The major differences are the feel and appearance of the product, unsurprisingly.

This product is a pearlescent (Read: pretty!) white, super “slippy”, non-sticky, thin, and runny. It’s easy to use too much with this, as the formula is very thin. Don’t let that fool you –it explodes into a creamy, milky, thick blanket of tiny bubbles that works into your hair with ease.

This left my hair clean, smooth, fluffy, and silky sans parabens, heavy oils, or silicones. HUZZAH!

There are only two caveats that may be encountered with this product:

1) The price. You get what you pay for. I gladly pay for it, personally, but it could be a concern –especially for ladies with long hair. This cost about $26 at my local Ulta. Try the $10 trial sized bottles first. (That’s what I did!)

2) You can’t skimp when you use it. You will have to use a decent amount for the length of hair you have; however, it will do ALL that it claims to do for you trouble.

I LOVE LURVE THIS SHAMPOO!

Texlaxed ladies, natural ladies, and relaxed ladies alike well enjoy how this cuts down detangling time and helps pave the way for smoother, less tangle-prone hair. (Something we can all enjoy, no?)

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As of the writing of this post, beloved readers, Living Proof’s No Frizz Solutions is my staple brand as I grow out my texlaxed TWA (which is half natural, and half texlaxed/colored).

I am pleased with this product’s performance in every way possible. After a chemical-free life in 2011, I’ve redefined for myself what chemicals I’m comfortable with in my beauty regimens and this not only made the cut, it set the curve.

I love the modern, natural palette, deliciously efficient packaging –indestructible tab tops, ergonomic shape, and invertible bottles– and it’s great layout and sleek font. CHIC!

The product itself has a slick feel, yet is gorgeously thick WITH NO SILICONES OR HEAVY OILS!

It is opaque white, which isn’t too surprising. What is surprising is that this thick, slick (yet, somehow fluffy) conditioner provides the most slip of ANY conditioner I have used to date. This is the product line I will always com back to –if I ever leave it, JUST for this conditioner alone.

It has an unobtrusive, unisex, “fresh” scent. It lingers only slightly, if at all. I love that it is not floral-y,powdery or creamy sweet, like many products marketed toward women are.

This is SILICONE AND PARABEN-FREE, and is choc full of exclusive ingredients.

This slid over my strands and wrapped them in moisture, locked down my cuticle, melted tangles, and left my hair SILKY smooth –AND WEIGHTLESS! NOTHING has every given me so much slip with NO WEIGHT on my individual strands . It’s just BLASTED GLORIOUS!

Better still? NO BUILD UP. Period. I do not get build up with this using it per the directions AND EVEN  WHEN USED AS A LEAVE-IN, I am build-up free! It even gives shine as a leave-in to my 3c/4a curls and coils!)

The only caveat to this product, for some ladies, is going to be it’s price. You get what you pay for and in this case I’m willing to pay for perfect hair days.

I NEVER have a bad hair day with this line and that kind of certainty with curly, coil locks is pert near priceless.

In this case, it’s about $26 at your local Ulta, Sephora, or Salon. I tried the travel sizes first, which were $10-$12 each, at my local Ulta.

There you have it, beloved readers, my little, golden staple line for 2012 (and perhaps beyond!).

Check out their site and other lines here.

Relaxed ladies –this will keep you super smooth and frizz-free and their straightening line is fantastic. My recently bone-laxed hair rejoices.

Natural and texlaxed ladies, this will significantly reduce frizz for you and when used with a light hand is a decent leave-in (use a clarifying poo once a week or bi-weekly, just to stay on the safe side, if you use it this way!).

One final note: This will not give you a texture you do not have. It will only perfect what you have. If you have no discernible curl pattern, this will cut frizz dramatically, but may not do so in the jaw-dropping way it did for me.

Ingredients: Water, PolyfluoroEster, Ethylhexyl Stearate, Polyacrylate-13, Cetyl Alcohol, Polyisobutene, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol, Fragrance, Polysorbate 20, Sorbic Acid.

Continue reading »]]> Beloved readers, a fellow beloved reader Jamira was kind enough to bring a work of hers to my attention.

One of the purposes of this blog, if not its primary purpose, is to provide useful information.

Enter in: beautyx.com

It’s like an UBER emporium of make-up/beauty/hair/you-name-it tutorials by WOC for WOC.

Nice.

How exactly does that occur?

“BeautyX is an exciting new website where women of color can share and discover beauty styles and products!

 

At www.BeautyX.com, users can create LookBooks by uploading a photo and tagging the hair or makeup products you used.

 

Then share your style inspiration with the community.

 

You can browse LookBooks to discover a new makeup style, find the perfect eye shadow for your skin tone, or learn about the products and process for creating a twist out!

 

In the products section, you can read about concerns like hair breakage or discoloration and learn how to build a regimen to solve your concerns.”

Super nice.

If you have more questions, you can reach dear Jamira here: jcotton@beautyx.com

I love seeing women create the change they want to see and this site is an excellent example of that. My apologies, dear hearts, for taking so long to devote a post to this wonderful resource.

 
Check it out! I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

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Beloved readers, Tia, asked:

“I was reading a post about shampoo on another site and someone commented that they use a sls poo instead of a sls free one because they have issues with build up and that had me wondering if I should switch to a sls poo later in my stretches when I have issues with build up as well. Now I have added baking soda to my shea moisture poo to deal with build up and it works but I don’t want to have to that everytime if because the baking soda breaks the shampoo down (or at least that’s what it looks like) when you let it sit for more than a couple of days. Also I don’t know how good it would be for my hair to wash it weekly with a poo/baking soda mix. Are sls poos helpful with build up?”

To your first question, there are “natural” shampoos out there strong enough to remove build up. Kinky-Curly makes one that I have used (read my review here) as does Garnier (read my review here). They are both harsh and best used weekly.

Using a stronger shampoo if you only wash once a week or when you have build up issues is not a bad idea. I did it frequently in the past while texlaxed, natural, and Relaxed at longer lengths.

Try adding baking soda, if that’s your preference, to your regular shampoo in your hand right before use, when you feel you have product build up. I would never mix them ahead of time and let them sit for risk of spoilage and product waste.

Many women, especially naturals with all-natural regimens used a mix of baking soda and water to remove build up weekly. As long as its diluted long enough and used weekly, I have seen women have clean, soft hair and retain length without issue.

To answer your final question, for myself and others chemically-altered and natural alike, SLS poos (in a regimen that balances out their strong cleansing abilities) can be a helpful tool in having healthy hair.

I have gone back and forth with SLS over the years, and I have found that it comes down to a balanced regimen over all.

NOTE: If you color your hair, baking soda WILL fade your color quickly!