“So do you plan on continuing your posts about femininity? I’ve enjoyed them so far. I also enjoyed reading the debate you and this fellow reader had on the subject : )

On a hair related note, have you ever tried french perm stabilizer?”

The post she refers to can be read here.

I am insanely glad you enjoy the femininity content, dear heart; and you can most certainly expect more of it!

I will be updating twice  a week (on Mondays and Wednesdays) for the next two weeks to finish the rest of my Femininity Creed –as I’m a bit behind in having it posted before late Spring. (Oops!)

After that, I will post content that gives practical tips and information to aid in cultivating the femininity I have been blathering on about, in these Femininity Creed posts.

Please look forward to it!

As for your question:

No, I have not. I have read several reviews about it, when it was popular a few years ago, on various hair boards.

You can read some opinions, experiences, and reviews in these threads:

Long Hair Care Forum – French Perm Stabilizer Is a God Send!

Sally’s Beauty Supply Website – Reviews

This blog has a great review. The blog is for relaxed heads; however, I think all heads can benefit from it.

I hope those links help and as always:

Thank you for reading!

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5. It requires discipline. Keeping your life as stress-free as possible; building healthy relationships; staying emotionally healthy; keeping up one’s hair, nails, clothes however you choose wear them; staying fit and healthy; finding a workout  that works for you; preparing nutritious food and not relying on fast food; learning make-up techniques to enhance oneself, and so forth, takes due diligence. Yes they are NECESSARY. Yes these activities have VALUE (because you do!). Maintaining your femininity does not have to be a misery and won’t be, when everything you do is an extension of the connection to your feminine self.

Discipline, is defined by Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, in part, as follows:

“. . .[T]raining that corrects, molds, or perfects the mentalfaculties or moral character. . . .”

Beloved readers, I have had a whirlwind love affair with discipline ever since I was young(er), because it produces results.

As a child I was –I still am– very result-oriented, thanks to my parents and military-brat up-bringing.

The reason discipline and femininity go hand in hand, is not solely because they produce powerful results in a variety of situations –which they do, but because you are a woman of value. (Oh yes, indeed you are!)

Things of value take work to attain, maintain, protect, nurture, and appreciate.

Discipline makes sure that (sometimes hard) work gets done.

“Work” can be a treat or a treatment; it depends on how much you value what you are working for, beloved readers.

The daily upkeep of your emotional health, physical health, mental health, skin, hair, nails, social life, wardrobe/personal style, and so forth need not be “chores,” when they are done as an extension of your feminine-self.

That is not to say that pleasurable work is “easy”; however “good” hard work is pleasant.

Work, discipline, diligence, and all their synonyms are a part of femininity.

What they look like depends on the sincere, healthy expression of your unique femininity.

It is easy to forget yourself in the meelee of everyday life, but if not for yourself, be disciplined to put work into yourself for those that need you at your best.You work for everyone else, beloved readers, and this is just a gentle reminder to work for yourself as well.

Why?

You are of (great) value!

(Period.)

I outlined my full creed here, beloved readers.

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What I love about this is the “bioactive” protein, beloved readers. It truly, truly, truly makes a difference.

My hair felt stronger within 5 minutes –during my first use!

It startled me. You may not have such a dramatic result (my hair was in shambles at the time), but this is a worthwhile product outside of coloring uses.

Better still: it can also be mixed into deep conditioners (a favorite way for mine to use it)!

Even more beneficial: you can customize how you use it. (Whether that is in a DC, weekly spritz, with your color, in your relaxer, or what have you!)

This improved my hair’s level of shine, softness, and yes, kept my color results (when I was coloring and relaxing my hair) more even and “crisp” with ease.

Fine haired, natural, and protein-sensitive beloved readers: I would suggest adding 1 T per cup of conditioner (refrigerate unused portions). This way you will reduce the risk of major protein overload. I would hate for you to miss out on such a wondrous product because of a first time flub. Trying it this way can help (Note: I said HELP!) prevent that.

Please be cautious.

Relaxed cover girls, this is going to quickly become your new best friend; however, if your hair resists relaxing as mine does, don’t use it too soon after a touch-up or you will end up with texture added back into your hair.

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A VERY STRONG PROTEIN! DO NOT LET ITS CLEAR, SCENTLESS FORM FOOL YOU!

This is essentially like water. There is no slip or “texture” to this, so pouring it into your hand for application is not the most ideal thing to do. Putting in a small spray bottle is my favorite and most efficient way to use it.
Ahem, you did not think I was going to get through a review without fussing about the packaging did you, beloved readers? It is boring. I do not like the color scheme or the font; however, I love the push tab.

Ingredients:
Aqua, hydrolyzed keratin protein, hydrolyzed wheat protein, keratin amino acids, aloe barbadensis, humullus lupulus, urifica dioica, 1, 3, bix 5, 5 dimethylimidazolidine-2, 4 dione, methyl ester 4 hydrozxybenzioc acid, tetraso-dium EDTA, polysorbate-20, parfum.

See it & buy it here or at your local Sally’s Beauty Supply.

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4. It can be learned. Femininity is not a matter of “some girls have it and some don’t”. Some have had life experiences that do not allow their unique femininity to flow as easily as others, or it was squashed subconsciously, ignored for various reasons, or developed in only one way, causing it to lack dimension. You can make up for lost time!

I’d like to speak to a few things directly in fleshing out Belief #4 of my Femininity Creed.

I am adamant –absolutely bullish– in fact, beloved readers, that all women are innately feminine (see my belief about that here); however, life circumstances can beat the skillful execution and exhibition of our unique femininity out of us.

To quote another Femininity Belief (#2):

“Life may have beat it [your unique femininity] into submission or only allowed you to develop your unique femininity in an unbalanced way because you had to focus more on “survival” let alone living, or even thriving in your most feminine self. Perhaps the capes of being “strong”, “Miss Independent”, and a “superwoman” have failed to flutter as gallantly in the wind behind you as they promised. Perhaps those that should have protected you and provided for you dropped the ball (or threw it right out the window).”

Life-experience must NOT be underestimated. It can cause us to form or copy mannerisms, bad habits, manners of speech, vocabulary, or behaviors that actively squelch parts or all of our feminine self for the sake of emotional, financial, physical, and/or mental survival of yourself and those in your care. This can be especially true if you were not shown or taught how to use your femininity as an advantage in navigating various social interactions.

I make no judgments about that, beloved readers, I should add. Life is not particularly kind or easy at times, if at all.

Belief #4 is to encourage you with the knowledge that the aspects of your true feminine self that may have suffered in the name  of survival can still be regained, refined, reknewed, reborn, and re-learned –at ANY age. It is NEVER, ever (EVER!) too late for a woman to be feminine.

It has been in you all along, after all.

Please do not give up with is rightfully yours, beloved readers!

I outlined my full creed here, beloved readers.

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The main reason I retreated from my earlier change to “Femininity Now” is that my newly eponymous blog found itself in the company of others that I had not intended it to consort with in the blog-o-sphere. (That’s such a fun term!)

I saw my content was coming up with those tackling the same issues from hostile, cultish, xenophobic, and bigoted points of view.

I have and will continue to disagree with their views on femininity whole –little, golden– heartedly.

In light of this, after a little, golden bit of consideration, I decided to return to having an eponymous blog.

Thank you, for weathering the changes with me, beloved readers.

I will be updating my blog as the week goes on for enhanced surfing and with some information about myself as well.

Take care!

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3. Being feminine requires being in touch with yourself as a woman, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Some women actually do not like being women –unconsciously and otherwise. Be sure you haven’t let misogynistic messages in the media subconsciously take the pleasure of being feminine from you. It also means acknowledging that yes (Gasp!) men and women are different. It is not easy being a woman, I realize this. In many countries that is quite an understatement; and I do not condone or excuse violence against women in any form.

Beloved readers, I want to keep my initial thoughts about the quote above as brief and as clear as possible, because acknowledging “womanhood” and “manhood” –period– let alone daring to say the two are quite different (in equally valid and necessary ways, no less) can spark a great deal of animosity. Doing so can also spark healthy and fantastic discussions about sufferage, gender identity, sexuality, gender bias, xenophobia, ethnocentrism, and so forth.

These are all topics extremely worthy of stirring, beloved readers, and I strongly encourage you to learn more about them. There are many glorious blogs devoted to each and every one, but this blog does not stand among them. That does not mean I do not care about those topics, they are simply not my focus. (You are! Huzzah!)

My purpose with this post is to further articulate my POV on femininity to create a reference point for future posts that will focus on certain aspects of it. Now that my obligatory disclaimer has been typed and read, let’s begin!

I started belief #3 with these points of contact with your unique femininity (It is multi-dimensional after all!):

• Physical

• Emotional

• Intellectual

Physically

You should do your best to make the most of the body you have. Staying healthy is essential to being feminine, because your body’s movements, your sense of balance, your posture, your gait, your mannerisms, and body language play a vital role in exuding your brand of femininity. Non-verbal communication and its mastery is an often over-looked, but essential aspect of honing what makes the feminine different from the masculine.

Beloved readers, note that I did not say have a “sexy”, “slim”, “curvy”, what-have-you body. I wrote: HEALTHY –whatever size or fitness level or shape HEALTHY happens to be for you.

Why? Besides the obvious benefits of a healthy body there is a deeper component to this as well: Taking back your self-image from the media, no matter how “above” the photo-shopped images radiating from your eletronic device of choice you may be.

Your culture’s beauty standards are well-known to you. Appreciating what your body can DO, that than what it could look life can be wonderfully liberating. (It was for me, at least.) That may seem cliche, I know, but all corniness aside, it is true. If you have already done this, I type this with all sincerity: Keep being awesome! I applaud you and your confidence!

Emotionally

Let us leave all stereotypes about women being overly emotional, emotionally frail, or immature at the door, please.

Read me well, beloved readers, the inborn ability that women have to command, posses, process, perceive, and harness something as infinitely dangerous and powerful as human emotion is a STRENGTH.

You have to be emotionally sound to be in tune with the leagues of emotions to be handled like a master artists daily. How you go about attaining that emotional healthy and stability is up to you. Again, there are wonderful life coaches online blogging about how to do so from a variety of life experiences and perspectives. I encourage you to peruse what Google has to offer. I attain this through my walk with Christ. I have no opinions of judgments about your method. I simply implore you to strive to be as emotionall sound as possible, whatever your method.

Please note: simply “being really emotional” is not the same as being intuitive. The latter is what you should strive for and have the great capacity to be (Really!). The former should be avoided.

Intellectually

Develop that excellent mind of your, beloved readers! Charm, charisma, grace, confidence, and mental fortitude do not come from a beautiful face or shapely hips. They come from a “gorgeous” mind. Beauty does NOT equal femininity (see why here). Brains certainly may.

The aforementioned characteristic require a mind that is willing to learn, adapt, think, reason, inquire, and analyze. A woman, willing to never stop learning and growing intellectually will be in the prime position to unlock some of the most potent and irresistible aspects of being a feminine woman.

Having these three components in alignment is 90% of the battle of reclaiming and perfecting your unique femininity.

It is yours, beloved readers, and yours alone.

What will you do with it?

I outlined my full creed here, beloved readers.

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Beloved readers, Alex asked:

“Question for you please….

Water or VINEGAR?

The action of the clay is extremely dependent on the ph level of the raw powder being 9.7 ( alkaline) adding water keeps the ph at 9.7 adding vinegar or lemon juice ( as I have seem) drastically changes the ph to be much more acidic… And no web site addresses what would happe
.. It cant be JUST vinegar makes the masque ” moussey” IE creamy to apply and the water makes it lumpy and thick.

Any info? Because Im
Not a stranger to chemistry or geology … I cant understand what the difference is because it MUST be drastic just due to
the change of ingredients.

Thank you,
Alex ( andra)
Chicago
IL”

In response to my post here.

To answer your question, beloved reader:

All I add is Apple Cider Vinegar (Braggs with “The Mother”) and nothing else.

I pour the AVC into the dry clay and it immediately begins foaming and becoming mousse-like.

If I add anything to it in addition to that, it is always AFTER the clay as absorbed all of the added vinegar and is “mousse-y”. I hope that answers your question. That is truly all I do, when I use this on hair or skin.

Thank you, for reading!

Take care!

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I must admit was extremely reluctant to try it; however, this changed my mind for the better towards Shea. I now trust this particular Shea-based product. The others ont he market now have this product to thank for my newly-raised standards (and continued prejudice).

The following is something new that I’ll be adding to future reviews:

My One Word Review: Exceptional

Essentially, “One Word Reviews” I will let you know my general feelings in a word. You may read through my trademark detailed opinions as to why I feel as I do, about a particular product. Let me know your thoughts, beloved readers, on this addition.

Back to topic: the one thing that single-handedly eased my worry about subjecting my mane to another potential Shea-born disaster was the texture of this styling aid.

The mousse-like texture of this erased the cringe already forming, as I opened the package. Shea butter is a wily beast of an ingredient. Few products can tame its moisturizing power and use it for good, rather than evil. I’m (clearly) zealous in my disdain for Shea, but the mousse-like texture told me a few things immediately:

This product is well-formulated.

This product will interact with my hair gently (a lot of manipulation won’t be required to use it properly).

This product will have more than one use.

This product may not cause me a setback (as some of the products I try do –a sacrifice for my beloved readers and my own amusement, at times).

The texture is absolutely perfect. It melted into my hair, spread as if it contained a plethora of silicones (which it doesn’t), and didn’t leave a greasy feeling or build-up with prolonged use. Huzzah! My hair relaxed hair was left silky-smooth, with movement, and added sheen and my new growth was smoothed, plumped, and moisturized.

I have only one potential caveat with this product, and it is based on a personal preference, more so than a fault of the product, per se. Let me begin with this:

Many people do not like strong fragrances. I actually like them, and this was strong to me, as someone who likes them. It does linger –fairly noticeably– as well. That typed and read:

I do not like creamy-sweet, food-like scents.

I can cheerily admit that the fragrance of this is well done. It smells truly luscious and sweet in a way that is actually appetizing, which goes extremely well with the texture and color. Some products have a scent I just can’t abide by on my head –this one would not cause me a great deal of heart ache, specifically because it smells like a “true” fragrance and not a cheap, chemical cocktail of a scent. It smells like some luscious, sweet, creamy confection that would be worth the extra time on the elliptical to get off of my little, golden bod’. I just don’t care for such scents in personal grooming products.

For ladies that do not like strong smells, or very sweet ones, this could be a potential turn off, but it really isn’t a make or break issue with this product. I would continue using it, despite my personal preferences, but a fragrance free version would be divine.

Something else that impressed me is how well this performed. This slid easily over my relaxed ends wet AND dry (it is suggested for use on wet hair). It melted into my wet AND dry new growth with ease. A little dab went a long way, which I appreciate in this economy. It did everything that I would want and expect a Shea-based product to do, with none of the usual cons of using a Shea-based product.

Better still, this product can be used a variety of ways (I ask you not judge me for experimenting in ways that would allow for their discovery, in advance):

Heel balm

Elbow and knee softening

Dry styling on straight hair (molding & adding texture to my precision pixie)

Wet setting (With a silk scarf and rat tail comb)

Blow drying aid

General leave-in

Sealing ends

Smoothing fly-aways

“Bunning Beauties” will love this for smooth buns

Hand cream (In a pinch)

Braid out product

Scalp treatment (when applied directly during super dry weather)

It is a “steal”, in some ways, actually at $15 for 8 oz., given the quality of the ingredients:

Aloe Vera Juice, Shea Butter, Jojoba Oil, Coconut Oil, Cetearyl Olivate and Sorbitan Olivate, Hydroxypropyl trimonium Honey, Lactobacillus Ferment, Helianthus Annuus Seed Oil (and) Rosmarinus Officinalis Leaf Extract,  Dehydroxanthan Gum, Fragrance Oils.

This is a potential Holy Grail styling staple for Relaxed, texlaxed, natural, thick and normal-haired ladies that wear their hair curly or straight. This works for fine-haired ladies too, but its weight over time, between washes can be a concern, if they want their hair to appear voluminous. I had other family members try this that have thin-in-diameter hair. They loved it, but had to use it sparingly, unlike myself. I have hair thick in density and strand diameter that has low-porosity. It laughs in the face of hot lava, in other words.

Beloved readers, as many of you well know: I do not like tubs, as I am a bit of a germaphobe, and sticking your fingers into something repeatedly is highly advised against in the germaphobe handbook. That typed and read –a tub is clearly the best packaging for this product, given the pleasant texture. I like a clear container –I want to see what goes on my hair, more often than not.

If you’ve read my blog for a bit, you also know I’m not fond of the practice of putting Black women on products aimed at afro-textured hair, as if those who possess it cannot figure out when we are a company’s target market, or to let others know it is only for “us”, which can have an “other-ing” effect for women of color of all shades.

Pantene greatly annoyed me with making some its bottles brown (unlike women of pallor, while it’s other bottles remain white as the driven snow) and other companies employ broken English or misspelled words. These are three marketing practices also on my “list,” due to their “other-ing” effects.

I know that in the “natural hair” care market, having the image of a black woman on a product is looked upon fondly, which I take into account, so I find the Afro-lady on the tub “cute” rather than “patronizing” in this particular instance. I understand context is everything in life, beloved readers, my personal convictions aside.

I love highlighting companies that make a great product, for a great reason –as so many companies in the cosmetic industry simply do not.

I wish this had been around the first time I went natural. It would have been a far more pleasant experience for me, though I appreciate the hard-worn personal growth my first “Big Chop” inspired.

If I ever want to lift my hair half a shade and add a shot of glimmer this is the product I’ll turn to (unless something better comes long, of course). Unlike Clairol’s product this does not totally fry relaxed hair.This lifts my texlaxed and relaxed hair half to a full shade depending on how processed it is, each time I use it. My natural hair receives a half-shade lift, which is lost to the texture of it.

This far surpasses Clairol’s Shine Happy (my review) and John Frieda’s Shine Glaze (my review).

This absolutely surpasses L’Oreal’s shine product (which did nothing for me, period, my review is here).

Unlike John Frieda’s Shine Glaze, it only has to be done once a month, saving time and often money as it’s regularly on sale in my neck of the woods.

Unfortunately, like both, it gives little return in glossiness or lightening to very curly hair (dense 3c, 4a, 4b, 4z, cnapp). It works best on straighter hair types or straightened (chemically or thermally) curly hair, which is unsurprising as flat surfaces reflect light most efficiently.

This is the usual “Pour Step 1 into Step Two” formula. Give it a thorough shake, plop it on with your hands (and the gloves that come in the kit), leave it on for ten minutes (so quick!), rinse it out in a minute, and then deep condition.

It is not going to make your hair “better” –that’s marketing hype. This product does technically “damage” your hair, though not to the degree of anything using 20, 30, 40, or 55 developer. Be sure to condition hair after using this.

The conditioner that comes with this is lusciously thick, mousse-like, and leaves hair supper smooth and supple. It does have a strong floral scent, that lingers in the hair for an hour or so after use. It wraps around every strand, eliminates tangles, and I’m amazed that they gave such a generous amount to each kit. I happen prefer my staple conditioner over it, but it is well up to the task of calming potentially angry hair.

In 20-30 minutes, once a month, you have “I never do anything unnatural to my hair, ever!” shine.

Huzzah!

The gloss itself, has strong floral scent overall; it is not the usual apple-ish/fruity Garnier scent.

This does not drip, which I adore, nor does it burn my scalp, ears, or hair line.

Along with the absolutely pretty packaging (It manages to be horribly busy and yet terribly girly at the same time, without seeming garish –not a simple feat!), great price, ease of purchase (your local drugstore chain), ten minute processing time, ease of use, and great result –what’s not to love?

Ingredients:

Activating creme ingredients: aqua/water/eau, hydrogen peroxide, cetearyl alcohol, sodium stannate, trideceth-2 carboxamide mea, pentasodium pentetate, phosphoric acid, ceteareth-25, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, glycerin, f.I.l. D13092/11.

Ammonia free shine creme ingredients: aqua/water/eau, cetearyl alcohol, propylene glycol, deceth-3, laureth-12, ethanolamine, oleth-30, lauric acid, hexadimethrine chloride, glycol distearate, silica dimethyl silylate, polyquaternium-6, ci 77891/titanium dioxide, mica, sodium metabisulfite, pentasodium pentetate, parfum/fragrance, carbomer, erythorbic acid, phyllostachys edulis water/phyllostachyl edulis shoot water. F.I.l. D32894/3. U.s. Patents: 6,312,677; 7,060,107; u.s. Patents pending.

Shine-infused conditioner ingredients: aqua/water/eau, cetearyl alcohol, behentrimonium chloride, glycerin, cetyl esters, amodimethicone, trideceth-6, chlorhexidine dihydrochloride, parfum/fragrance, persea gratissima oil/avocado oil, methylparaben, butyrospermum parkii butter/shea butter, cetrimonium chloride, hexyl cinnamal. F.I.l. D32332/2.

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