Serendipity surfaced this week in the form of a hokey 6th grade graduation poem written by the parent of a former classmate of the Little Monsters. Even though the Little Monsters departed this particular Lutheran Day school a year early (at the end of 5th grade) we are still mentioned since we were there K-5. Here are my Final Four memories of that time period:

1. Poor Pastor Wolf. I slept through every one of his chapel services except during “Go Tell it on the Mountain”. This was the last school I attended where “Religion” was a subject. To this day, I still cannot define “Lutheran” beyond “something Protestant.”
2. I will always remember this school as the birthplace, right or wrong, of Chocolate Milk Day. Therefore, in the Land of Philip, it is a historic landmark.
3. I still feel sorry for the teachers who had to constantly run down Silas Creek Parkway to chase down kick balls after they sailed over the fence. Many times, we did it on purpose.
4. My first “girlfriend” Chrissy! I couldn’t shut up when I met her, then the moment we started “going together” I couldn’t think of anything to say (my wife is wondering how she missed this Golden Age) and it ended badly. Wherever you are Chrissy, I still love you.

It’s one thing when you’re just going about your business and bursts of nostalgia laced memories leak into your head. It’s quite another to have them typed out as a 5 page poem during the actual time period they occurred and for it to be discovered 20 years later.

Surreal (which is my favorite kind of real).

Little Monsters in YMCA basketball uniforms

The 59th Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) Basketball Tournament has begun and school children all over the state of North Carolina a) have been pulled out of school by their parents and are attending the games, b) did not show up to school and nobody inquired or will inquire as to why, c) painted themselves light blue, dark blue, red, or black & gold on the bus, or d) are waiting impatiently while their teacher rolls a TV into their classroom and finds the Raycom-Jefferson Sports Network. Today the Teacher’s Lounge will double as a Mosh Pit.

You know you’ve reached a certain age when you begin sentences with the phrase, “It’s just not like the way it use to be…”, but in this case it really isn’t the way it use to be, and what use to be was so much better it’s a real shame that it has been lost to gonzo TV football money. Well, money… (credit: Woody Allen). The 2005 ACC expansion (and the coming 2012-2013 one) left the old brilliant shine of the basketball conference in shambles.

The ACC was founded in 1953 with Clemson, Duke, Maryland, North Carolina, North Carolina State, South Carolina, and Wake Forest. Shortly after, Virginia joined the conference, completing the original ACC teams list. South Carolina left in 1971 and Georgia Tech joined in 1978, ushering in a golden era from 1978-1991 when each of the eight southeastern teams played the other twice during the regular season and any lingering questions were answered in the ACC Tournament, which was always played in Greensboro back in the day.

There is something religious and zealous about ACC basketball. It’s like a weekly Civil War re-enactment, pitting brother against brother, father against son, husband against wife, friend against friend. If it weren’t for a common love of cheap beer, North Carolina would most likely be in flames the majority of December – March. It is impossible to underestimate its impact on the daily life of the Old North State.

I seem to recall a certain ACC All-Star Game that use to be played in Greensboro after the season ended as well. One year our YMCA basketball teams, The Ramrods (I’m not making this up — The Ramrods), were given the privilege of doing goofy lay up drills during half time of the ACC All Star Game, which was awesome because you were first in line to get autographs! We were forced to wear these bright neon green head bands. They were glow in the dark and the idea was that they would dim arena lights and everybody would get to watch glowing green bands bob around in the dark. It was the 1970s so I’m sure you understand the good intentions here, but  of course they didn’t work, the lights were cut back on, and everybody could see us miss our layups.

Man, it’s just not the way it use to be. GO HEELS!

2 hours to go before the next installment of the greatest rivalry in sports.  Go Devils!

I couldn’t resist submitting my own contribution.  Check it out!

Get on with your bad Otter selves!

Timeline: 1977

1977 was a watershed year in the history of Little Monster entertainment. Not only did the most groundbreaking movie of all time — Star Wars — change everything (for better or for worse is an ongoing debate), but unique shows like Jim Henson’s Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas popped up on the TV and screen throughout the year.

Not only was Emmet Otter a huge hit, it was a trial run to demonstrate to the studio that Henson and his legions could pull off a feature length program with their star Muppets. It also began a partnership between Henson and composer/song writer Paul Williams. The result was The Muppet Movie, released two years later with a Williams original score and songs. And the rest is history.

I haven’t seen Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas in many years, but when I found this clip on YouTube and played it, I knew every word to the song on the first play. How scary is that? Go ahead. You know you want to: BBQ!

Is there any greater ritual than Christmas?

Just for a moment do what they tell you not to do — forget all the religion and philosophy of Christmas and consider it from a purely Little Monster perspective. You’re a kid. You do not yet suffer The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune and you can’t really distinguish between Jesus, Zeus, and Mighty Mouse. Here is what you do know:

1. School is out. Excuse me, can you say that again, please? SCHOOL IS OUT, so it must be an important holiday and, regardless of what it means, it can only be Good. Jesus = School is Out in December. And in the Old North State, that can mean being bundled up like a marshmallow and sledding down Staffordshire Road or throwing on shorts and an IZOD and playing tennis on Christmas Eve (very important — must be an IZOD).

2. Santa Claus is coming. Some guy you don’t even know is going to break into your home in the middle of the night and leave you a bunch of gifts you don’t deserve. Jesus = Gifts You Don’t Deserve. Since most parents refuse to be upstaged by someone who is clearly more jolly and giving than they are, they run out and get you gifts too so you do not automatically switch your life long allegiance to Santa. And in the Old North State, that can mean anything from a Zebco fishing rod to a Cam Newton jersey.

3. Suddenly there is a tree in your house. A big tree with white lights, twinkling icicles, glistening ornaments, and angel’s hair. Angel’s hair! Just the concept of possessing an angel’s hair is mystic and wondrous. Jesus = Trees with Angel’s Hair. Trimming the tree is serious business. Each child becomes attached to one or two particular ornaments that they, and only they, can hang on the tree every year. Many of those ornaments exist to this day, old and faded like the photograph above, yet still greeted with innocent smiles and bursting hearts when they emerge from Mom’s perfectly arranged storage box, shimmering with the memories and blessings of seasons past.

4. Goodies, goodies everywhere! Moravian cookies, home made candy, cakes, pies, and bread (annual gifts from my father’s patients), candy canes, pistachios, caramel corn, chocolate covered pretzels, and Mom’s charlotte yule tide log. Jesus = Goodies Everywhere. The list just goes on and on. You can’t turn your head without some holiday treat being foisted upon you. It is like living in Willy Wonka’s factory.

5. Christmas specials on TV. Santa Claus in various forms, Charlie Brown’s little tree, Rudolph, The Grinch, Frosty, Mr. Heat Miser, The Little Drummer Boy, A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, It’s a Wonderful Life, Cricket on the Hearth, A Christmas Story, The Greatest Story Ever Told. Jesus =  Little Monsters TV. All those beautiful characters and stories hitting the airwaves every year. There is nothing like them.

6. Midnight Mass. I don’t know what Protestants do besides work and drink un-fermented grape juice (a national tragedy), but Catholics stay up late on Christmas Eve, booze it up on Communion wine, and party down at Midnight Mass, which is just like every other mass except it is at Midnight and there is nowhere to sit, especially when you arrive at Midnight + 20. Jesus = Stay Up Late and Party All Night. And on the best years, we would return home to find that our Dad was up and had prepared hot chocolate ready to serve to all.

5. Anticipation. To the Little Monster, the day after Thanksgiving to Christmas morning is an excruciating exercise in patience. Nothing can bring Christmas fast enough, not even endless reruns of Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas. Each day brings an increased risk that your sheer excitement over Santa Claus will cause you to burst into flames. As Christmas morning approaches, it is not uncommon to suffer bouts of delirium, insomnia, and ecstasy. But you will survive, and no matter what the Elf on the Shelf reports you will be rewarded in some way for your very un-Little Monsteresque patience.

Those are just some of the reasons that nothing beats Christmas. In fact, this system is so Pro-Little Monster any tinkering with the formula is tantamount to heresy. Ugh! Twenty three days left until Christmas! How will I ever make it?

November 30, 1974. In anticipation of Christmas, the Little Monsters launch a dangerous but necessary raid into Mom’s closet searching for gifts in order to avoid gift request duplications with her and Santa Claus. With the exception of a touch and go encounter with several Burmese soldiers who did not know the Japanese surrendered in 1945, Operation Is That For Me? was a success as The Little Monsters did, in fact, discover hidden wrapped presents — for their sisters. Rewrap!

Little Monster nirvana

Timeline: 1977

1977′s holiday season was Little Monster nirvana. The Star Wars merchandising bull rush had begun, Viewmaster, Erector Sets, and Slinkys were all newcomers to Toyland, and Mattel released the greatest electronic handheld game device ever seen on Planet Earth, or at least our house — Football.

By today’s standards, Mattel’s Football may as well be in France’s Lascaux Caves, but at the time it was a revolutionary step toward giving Mothers everywhere a much needed break. This Little Monster will never forget opening Football on Christmas Day and then playing it for six straight months. I would see those little red dashes in my sleep (which mainly occurred during boring classes — but I repeat myself — and church) and I can still hear the goofy beeps and sounds it emitted.

I guess the big story about Football is that its exclusive retailer, Sears, thought it was going to flop so the initial order was too small to accommodate the huge demand. If you’re going to be wrong about something, it may as well be that you’re sitting on a pile of gold you previously thought was Formica. Mattel and Sears fell up to the tune of 500,000 Football units by 1978, and blazed the trail for all future hand held game devices.