These rules are a part of my online dating guide that you can download here.

Here are a few important concepts everyone should bear in mind before getting into the actual guide (or online dating for that matter). These rules establish how I believe online dating should be approached. Awareness of these concepts can make the whole process a little less painful.

Rule One: Grain of Salt

First, nothing I have to say is “right”. As a matter of fact, I believe this applies to any dating material you might read. Everything I am presenting is what I found to work best in online dating. Every person and situation is different so if you feel something is not applicable, stick with your instincts. It is my opinion that all dating advice is just someone’s best guess. These guesses can be enormously helpful but should never be viewed as absolutely correct.

In the year I dated online, I went on approximately thirty-five first dates, had twice that number of semi-successful online conversations that never made it to the first date, and sent countless emails that I never received a reply for. Of the first dates I went on, well under half resulted in a second date or more. One more thing I should add to these statistics: almost all of my first and second dates came within the last three or four months of my year of dating. It took me all that time to finally understand what I was doing wrong and to fix it.

Rule Two: Everyone’s Favorite

Just be yourself. I think this is the one phrase I hated most while dating but the one I heard (and read) more often than any other. One reason I despised this phrase, particularly in dating books, is because this would be the first concept presented and then the remainder of the book is devoted to teaching a person how to act like someone else.

For example, in one book I read it started off with the ever-present “Just be yourself” chapter immediately followed by a chapter explaining how to develop a more outgoing nature. They recommended talking to strangers in public that you were not attracted to and working your way toward more attractive people. From what I’ve seen this is very common advice.

At any rate, as a shy guy, I can either follow the rules of the first chapter or the rules of the second. Quiet reservation is who I am and no amount of practice ever made “being outgoing” less of a farce for me. I really think this is unfortunate because right now, there is a guy or girl out there somewhere on a first date acting assertive because, according to several dating books, it improves their chances of getting a second date. Which leads me to this question: what if a man pretends to be assertive and this actually leads to the relationship being successful? If so, the poor girl thinks she’s dating someone with certain qualities when she’s actually dating someone who can simply act. What’s worse is the guy has bought into the idea that he is either going to have to act like someone else for the rest of his life or be alone.

The truth of the matter is being assertive is going to help many guys seem more attractive to many girls – I’ll give the books that much – but this does not make it the only solution. The books do mean well: they are offering advice that will improve a man’s odds when trying to get dates.

Something should be done to improve the odds, but I do not believe the answer is to do so by pretending to be something you are not. Instead, improve your odds by dating more and accepting the fact that in many cases “being yourself” is going to make finding who you want more difficult. There’s a guy out there for the aggressive girl as much as there is a girl out there for the shy guy. This is the big reason I was drawn to online dating: I didn’t have to stop being a little shy to meet people. Just send an email and if there was no response I would just convince myself she moved out of the country to help feed the needy in a third-world country.

Eventually, I did gain some assertiveness but it was because I was becoming more comfortable after a few dozen first dates, not because I was working on my assertiveness. It is unfair to tell someone to “be yourself” and then to tell them exactly what that person should look like. You may have personality traits that make you less attractive but is that really so bad? Even if you fail in the beginning just remember: you only have to be successful once. When you do find success, it will have much greater value if you do so while being honest with yourself and the person you are dating.

One warning on being yourself: don’t feel like you need to get everything out there on the first date to successfully “be yourself”. As a personal example, I didn’t express my interest in online video games when I first started dating my wife. I didn’t make attempts to hide this information. I just didn’t bring it up or use it as a selling point. Now if you want to date someone who loves video game, of course you should mention it. But it wasn’t core to who I was and I didn’t want to discourage anyone who might dislike that.

This turned out to be a good decision because she had a very bad impression of video games. Fortunately, when I did bring it up she knew me well enough to question her beliefs, watched me play a few games, met a few of my online friends, and got over her fears. So being yourself doesn’t mean pushing ever part of your life out there, especially if some of those parts are minor areas of your life.

Now, everyone isn’t a geek like me but we all have something we just know might damage our second-date-chances so treat dating like a marathon, not a sprint. Being honest is one thing, revealing every detail about yourself is quite another.

Rule Three: It’s Hard Work

I know of two types of people who have had success with online dating: those who worked at it and those who were lucky. So, if you’re not lucky, don’t think just because you follow some advice that your online dating life is going improve overnight.

You will need to accept that many of the people you try to contact will not write you back or that fewer people are contacting you than you would like. On rare occasions, someone will be rude when you try to talk with them.

You will have bad first dates and you will have bad second dates after thinking the first date was great. You will realize within the first few seconds of some dates that the picture on the profile was very old or misleading. You will meet people who come off great in emails but who can barely speak when you meet in person. The list goes on.

The point is that this is all part of the process. Getting frustrated with the people you are meeting or being hard on yourself is the worst thing you can do. If you accept that it will not be easy and that the process will not necessarily be quick, you will be doing yourself a great service.

If online dating were easy, the Match.com 6-month guarantee be a 6-week guarantee. So, remember, online dating may not be easy, but it is well worth the effort.

The post My Rules for Online Dating first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

I made my dating life very public throughout the whole online experience. I found that many of the dates either required venting or were simply funny stories (for example, my first online date ever featured a conversation where my date explained how she had once worked for a call-girl service).

I found that the single people I would tell the stories to were not only interested in “what” happened but also in “how” it all came about. That is, they understood how “regular” dating works, even if they weren’t particularly good at it. Online dating on the other hand, they didn’t know where to start or if it was even worth the time. Some people, I think, were using my stories as encouragement to start online dating – a sort of “if I’m not the only one doing it then it must be alright” mentality.

Eventually, people even began to talk to me specifically for online dating advice. I had gone out on enough online dates to have a valid opinion on most of the grey areas. While there is rarely an answer that is always right, I could still give some direction. Who contacts who? And how many emails before you meet? Or how long should the emails be? And exactly what belongs in a profile? Looking back, my original ideas to every one of these questions were incorrect when I first started online dating. I suspect I’m not alone.

That said, I’m not writing this to help people avoid every mistake but I would like to share what worked well for me. This is not intended to be some kind of “I went through this so you don’t have to”. You’re going to have to go through some of it no matter how much you read. There is a lot to be said for personal trial and error – my trials and errors can only get another person so far.

Another reason I created this guide is because every dating book I have read, and there have been several, seems over-simplified and very often written by people with Ph.D.s who, by their own admission, haven’t been on a date for decades. Several of these books suggested that men need to have nothing more than confidence and charisma for success. If things were as simple as these books make it sound the need for these books shouldn’t even exist.

For a moment, though, assume that these books are correct and all it takes to have tons of great dates is to be confident and charismatic. Now, try to apply this to online dating. Unfortunately, confidence in the wrong amount with online dating is going to come off as creepy. And how in the world is an email or profile to include charisma? Sure, these books have tons of value once you’re actually on the date but getting there is half of the work. Even the books that did mention online dating treated it as if it is exactly the same as meeting someone from anywhere else: just keep trying (and trying and trying) and when you are finally successful and actually go on a date, well, then apply all these rules the book gives you. Let me be clear: dating books have a lot of value. I just feel that the one paragraph many of these books offer regarding online dating leaves a lot to be desired. I am hoping to supplement the dating books out there, not replace them.

You can find my online dating guide for free here.

The post Why Create an Online Dating Guide? first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

Many, many years ago I started researching a technology and purchased a website to assist me with that. After a time, I had no use for the technology, but I had a website.

Eventually, I decided to convert my site into a blog where I could describe my online dating experiences. Perhaps embarrassingly, I had kept notes on what was working and not working for me when I was dating. I was already married at this point but still felt a desire to share what I had experienced. Eventually this desire resulted in a fair number of posts on my site. This guide is a compilation of those posts as well as some additional thoughts I have now that I look back on the process many years later.

As time went by, I found it harder and harder to keep my website and guide up-to-date. In 2022, I convert all my content into a easier to maintain format and removed the blog portion of my website as I hadn’t updated it for years.

My hope is this format allows the guide to continue to help people even though it won’t be updated, possibly ever again.

Who is this Guide for?

Given most of the information is based on information from 2004 to 2014, it’s pretty dated. Nothing in the guide ever hits on newer services like Tinder or Bumble. I still think there’s a lot of value here, but if I had to guess, the guide is going to be most helpful for:

• People born before 1990 who have some experience dating online but want more information
• People born after 1990 but who may want to focus on some of the older dating services like Match.com or eHarmony
• People confused or frustrated by online dating and looking for any help they can find
• People who recognize that there will be a lot of details that are out-of-date, or will become out-of-date as time passes, but can value the core principles discussed here.

About Me

I started dating online in June of 2004. I hadn’t dated for years prior to that, going on only a handful of dates in my recent memory. I was reluctant to using an online dating service and was only able to start once my loneliness outweighed my pride. I tried most of the big services at the time: Match.com, eHarmony, Yahoo! Personals (which is now a part of Match) and a few small niche dating websites.

In the beginning, I made a lot of bad decisions. I unintentionally gave women the wrong impression about who I was. In my first seven months of online dating I only a few first dates, and none that went particularly well.

Thankfully, I did begin to understand how things worked and my last five months of dating online were the opposite: I went on dozens of dates and frequently had two or three first dates scheduled in one week. I hated my first few months of online dating but loved my last few.

On June 9, 2005, one day short of a full year of online dating, I met the woman who would become my wife.  It wasn’t long before I knew I wanted to date Kate exclusively. Perhaps one of the strongest measures of my success was that when I made this decision, I had to contact six women and cancel pending first dates.

That’s not to brag: I don’t find myself particularly attractive or funny or anything else that would warrant this success. It really came down to figuring out how things worked best for me. After that the success came naturally.

Kate and I were married in April of 2007 and are as in love now (2024 at the time of this update) as we were in the beginning. We have two boys now. I am so grateful for the opportunity that online dating provided. I hope that you will give online dating a chance. Maybe it will change your life too.

The post More About My Online Dating Guide first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

The second mistake I made was assuming that any dating service would do. I was very stubborn on this one. I signed up for one service and stuck with it for months, convinced that if it wasn’t working there was something wrong with me. Eventually, I abandoned that service and tried eHarmony and it was so much better for my situation! But, I fell back into my old habits and started thinking if eHarmony wasn’t working for me then there must be something wrong with me. Eventually I tried Match.com and it was even better for my situation. This service eventually led me to meeting my wife. Now I’m not saying that Match.com is the best dating service but for my personal situation it absolutely was and only by trying these different services was I able to discover that.

How Serious Are You About Finding a Relationship?

You need to answer this question right now. In all honesty, how serious are you about finding a great relationship? If it is important to you then I have a challenge for you which I will lay out below. In the rest of this guide, I will be assuming you have taken these steps.

1. Make a Commitment to Yourself

Make a serious commitment right now on how long you’re going to put some real effort into dating online. It can be any length of time that you feel you would be able to complete. Online dating takes time and patience so think about this commitment and take it seriously. Committing to six months is a good place to start but make sure you can stick with whatever you decide on.

2. Sign up at OKCupid (or the most popular free dating site at the time you are reading this)

The next steps are all about getting you to stand by your commitment. First, if you don’t have one, create an account at OKCupid. The service is free and you should be taking advantage of it even if you are using other dating services. If you are currently using Plenty of Fish and think that they are the same, I personally prefer OKCupid – but even using both would work.

3. Create an Account at Match.com

If you don’t have a Match.com account I recommend signing up now. It is not important that you become a subscriber; free membership is all you will need for now. It is only important that you find out what the service has to offer and use its free features. A big problem is that many of us sign one dating service, perhaps one that we see an advertisement for, and then stop. This is NOT a good way to pick a dating service. You need to try different services to see what they are all about, even if you never subscribe.

Note: Readers should pick a popular service in their area (which very well may not be Match.com). For example, in the U.K. you might want to try a different service. The point here isn’t that everyone should try Match or that they should avoid Match. The point is that if you are starting to date online you should check out several of the most populated services that are available to you. These services have become popular for a reason!

4. Create an Account at eHarmony

Another dating service?! Yes, another one. eHarmony and Match are very different in how they work. We shop around for everything in our life and the dating service you pick shouldn’t be any different (this decision could potentially alter your life forever, after all). We often spend more time in the McDonald’s line picking our lunch than we do a decision like an online dating service. If you’ve not caught on yet, I think you need to take online dating even more seriously than you do your Big Mac.

Again, there is no need to pay for the service. The point is to get a feel for what it has to offer. Be warned that signing up at eHarmony is something of a hassle because of the time it takes but it will be well worth it in the end. Better to spend thirty-minutes now signing up than finding out six months from now you wish you had been using this service all along.

Note: Again, readers should be selecting an option that works for them and that are popular, which may or may not be eHarmony as time goes by.

5. Consider Swipe Right Options

When this guide was first written, options like Tinder didn’t exist. I have no experience with them at all so I can’t offer good advice here. Second hand, most of the mobile options sound more like meeting someone at a bar to hookup more than they sound like apps to build long-term relationships. Still, the age of this guide shouldn’t restrict you from trying the newest options – especially if they are popular.

If you’re already doing these things, that’s great! You’re ahead of the curve. Obviously, no one has to follow this advice but as someone who made the mistakes, I can’t recommend enough that these be your first steps into the world of online dating. If you really want success, you don’t want to miss out on meeting someone just because you were unwilling to plan on how you were going to tackle this problem! Finally, for any readers that are not taking this seriously: if you continue to put off the decision to actually try a dating service, you will never have success (at least not online). All the guides in the world won’t ever do you any good unless you are willing to move the process forward.

The post My First Mistake with Online Dating first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

Try to keep your spirits high by having that hope. Although hope alone is not enough. I’ve said this time and time again in my other posts, you have to put in the work. Finding that special someone is not the easiest thing in the world to do. I’ve been trying off and on for over two years now. I’ve had relationships, but they, for one or another reason, didn’t work out. I said that to say this: I’m guilty of not putting the work in like I should have from the beginning. I tried to shortcut the process and I got what I gave.

I guess I would say that I’m not giving up hope. It’s what keeps me going…but I am going to take a break from online dating for a while. I think it’s a healthy choice and I would imagine that like anything else, one can get burned out on it. I do plan to explore my options with online dating once I’m ready again. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should give up or drop out. I tried for years before deciding to take a break so don’t see this as giving up after a few problems. This is more about me recognizing that right now, taking a break will be better for me in the long run.

In fact, mow is the perfect time for online dating. The number of people that try online dating increases in holiday months and that number will explode in January with lots of resolutions driving people to online dating. This increase in interest can work out in one’s favor. The more people online the more opportunity for a date, and possibly meeting the love of your life.

Online dating in December is always a fun time to see what new profiles there are. People are generally happy around the holidays and that’s a plus in the online dating world. Think of all the possibilities for good dating ideas. Not only the standard coffee date but anything that has to do with the holidays. Remember most people are already in a good mood for the holidays. If you could show them a special time with a holiday theme you’ll be on the fast track to a great date. Sled riding comes to mind and hot coco, caroling, the possibilities are endless.

What a wonderful new year to look forward to if you do find that special someone. New Years Eve then into Valentines Day. And if it’s right one, a wonderful new start to a new life with the one person you’ve been looking for. Let’s dream for a minute: imagine meeting the perfect match and being able to tell the story of how you received the greatest gift for the holidays. You could one day bore your children with the story of how you met during the holiday season through online dating. Wouldn’t that be a nice tradition?

Holidays can sometimes be lonely and challenging for people. No one wants to be alone at this time of the year…or any time of the year for that matter. Spending time with family and friends on the holidays is what it’s all about. I would have to say without a doubt, some of my best memories are of the holiday times. Getting together with friends at holiday parties are so much fun. Spending time with your loved ones makes life worth it. Having someone to enjoy those times with you just enriches one’s life.

I would say that you can start over this new year with a new drive and attitude toward online dating. Let’s start the new year off with a fresh look at online dating. If you haven’t met that someone special what can you do this year to change that? Having a plan is key to online dating. Knowing what you want is essential. You can find many helpful tips and ways to improve your online dating experience with Brad’s free online dating guide. It helps with everything from building a profile to how to handle dates.

Going through the motions alone won’t get you very far with online dating. Having a positive attitude and putting in the effort will yield results. So maybe last year of online dating didn’t go so well for you. Online dating is not for everyone, but it has its good qualities. Some people don’t like the dating scene. Bar’s are crowded and loud, and not for everyone. Online dating gives you more options to “shop” who you’re looking for.

Let’s say you tried online dating and it just isn’t for you. Or maybe you’re like me where you appreciate online dating but need a break. What did you take away from it? For me, it was the fact that I got to know myself better and know what I want in a partner. I think that the last two years of online dating has made me a better communicator. It’s giving me a better perspective on how to interact with the opposite sex. Overall I think it has been a great experience and one worth pursuing.

I wish you all the best of luck this holiday season and hope that you find that special someone you are searching for. The magic of the holidays can be found by making the magic happen. Get out there and pursue your happiness! You never know the next match could be the one that you’ve been waiting for. Happy holidays to you and your’s and may this be the best year of your life. Thanks for reading and as always good luck with your online adventures.

The post Online dating around the Holidays first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

Many times online dating sites can seem frustrating. We run into all types of hiccups, but when we do have success it’s like the heavens open up. Think of it this way: some people never would have met there match without the help of an online dating service. Some people just don’t go out to clubs or other social events where the possibility presents itself to meet someone. So I’m thinking these are also people who are thankful for online dating. Just think about it how else would you meet someone if you never have the time for a social life or just do not like going to overcrowded bars or clubs.

People of a certain age can appreciate dating sites also because for some the older they become the less social they are. Online dating gives people hope for a chance at love.

Even if you do not have a love connection, sometimes friendships are born from meeting someone that you have a lot in common with. Also, it brings variety to live and little “adventures” to our sometimes ordinary lives.

I’m thankful for online dating because it gave me the opportunity to learn more about myself. Not only did I meet some incredible women, but it showed me what I was looking for and what I was not looking for. It helped me gain insight into my own thoughts and feelings. Before online dating, I thought I knew what I wanted in a relationship. It became so much clearer to me what I really wanted after I had quite a few first dates (and after I read Brad’s guide to online dating). Brad’s guide helps one get to the core of what I was really looking for. It simplifies it in a way that anyone can understand.

You may think well it’s easy to make a profile, but sometimes we forget what really matters when we put together our profiles. Yes, we all want someone we think is attractive and that we can get along with.

Here’s the thing: what makes that person really attractive? Because beauty fades. Getting to the core of what we want is what is going to make the relationship succeed or fail. Or, alternately, it’s going to help us make sure we’re investing time in the right people. Asking yourself questions like, are you a homebody or do you read on a regular occasion? Those types of questions get us closer to the match that we are looking for rather than tall, dark, and handsome (that is, what others tell us we should be looking for).

With online dating, there are so many functions that allow us to choose what we want. It really is a great thing to be thankful for. Sometimes it seems like an endless amount of choices. When I think about it’s almost like you’re going shopping for exactly what you want. So many possibilities it’s mind-blowing.

After saying that, I should say don’t let yourself become overwhelmed. Breaking things down in such a way that you get to the core of what you want is the key to success here. It can seem daunting at first and frustrating as well, but once you realize the great potential you become thankful for the opportunities and the scope of tools provided to you.

Ultimately you are the greatest tool in your tool bag. Knowing what you want, and who you are, makes all the difference.

Once you know what you want it becomes a time saver and that’s definitely something to be thankful for. No one wants to invest their time for little or no return. Many sites make it easy for you to help find what you’re looking for. Even the free sites break things down so that it’s easier to find a match. I know that Plenty of Fish has a questionnaire that one fills out to help you match with a partner.

Finding love online is a part of today’s world. I for one think it’s a great idea and why not. Why not embrace today’s technology and keep up with the world. It really does make things easier. Finding love online is obtainable and most anyone can do it, although it takes work and isn’t necessarily easy.

I don’t mean to sound redundant but there really is a lot to give thanks for when it comes to online dating. Being able to see many pictures of potential matches is just one of many perks. The first thing we look at is the person then we read the profile. Heck, some sites like tinder use profile pics as the many parts of their set up. Yes or no swipe left or right. They cut time in half if what you are looking for is a speedy way to do online dating.

For me, I like to look at the whole profile so I’m more comfortable with a layout such as Macth.com has. You look through pics with taglines until you see one the sparks your interest. Once you found someone that you find attractive to you then you can read all about them in there profile. Plus I think now match has video. People make a small video about themselves that you can view. I think is really a great way to get the vibe of a person. With Pictures, one can take a certain way to make themselves look better but with video, it’s all out there. You can really see what a person looks like sounds like and acts like. I think it’s a great new feature and defiantly something to be thankful for. It makes the searching process easier and anything that makes things easier in my book is good.

Thanks for reading and good luck with your online search. Remember there is always something to be thankful for.

The post Giving thanks for online dating first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

What in the world does bad luck have to do with online dating? Well, having bad luck with online dating happens more often than not. Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves while other times people bring it to us. Having bad luck with online dating can be as simple as having a profile that is not up to snuff but not being able to recognize it. Your profile is what attracts the right or wrong person and often, from our perspective everything is fine, while in reality it may be attracting the wrong people. One way to avoid attracting the wrong person is to really have a plan with what your profile will look like and what it will ask for. Sometimes, what looks like being unlucky in love is more about not thinking things through.

So sometimes we bring the bad luck to ourselves by not having enough intentionality. But sometimes the bad luck comes to you through no fault of your own. You may meet someone that you think is the perfect match and then…boom! They do something to dash that image you have of them. In recent times I heard a story that made national news: a man that would meet women for a meal and he would order an extravagant meal. Then he would excuse himself to the bathroom and would duck out on the bill! What a slime ball. Things like this happening only make it harder for people who are really looking for love. And this is a clear example of the women doing nothing wrong…just the “bad luck” of going on a date with this jerk.

Avoiding Choices that Bring More “Bad Luck”

Our choices as we date online do impact how good or bad things can go. Some decisions can lead to more first dates while other decisions can end up putting ourselves at risk.

The easiest place to start is here: we should all be careful what information we provide when it comes to online dating and be diligent to never giving too many details. There comes a point where some details just aren’t necessary, especially for early stages of the online dating conversations. Always try to ask yourself: does giving this information add to process? Sure, you need to share personal details about yourself in online dating, but there are plenty of personal details that don’t contribute to anything. For example, your home address is a personal detail, but that detail wouldn’t impact if someone wants to date you or not. So, don’t give out that piece of information!

A second easy tip to follow: always meeting in a public place. It seems like people have gotten better about this but it’s still worth saying. Sometimes a woman will feel like she has a real connection with a man and he’ll want to meet at his place for the first date. It can be tough to refuse the suggestion because the woman feels strongly about the man, but the refusal should still happen. Also, for the first date, having a backup plan is another good rule to date by. I have never had a so-called “nightmare date” or even an unlucky date, but I still plan in this way. I’ve had dates where the chemistry just wasn’t there but nothing I would call scary. Maybe I have been lucky or maybe it has something to do with my gender or maybe it has to do with how I go about meeting women and taking my time. Regardless, in my opinion, it’s harder for a woman when it comes to online dating since they have to endure a lot of the jerks out there and deal with risks that a guy doesn’t have to think about. As men, we don’t often receive inappropriate mail or deal with being treated like a sex object or have to worry about being physically assaulted…so I think everyone should play it safe, but women should be especially diligent.

More Ideas on Staying Safe

Again, sometimes bad luck is more about bad decisions. Here are some more thoughts on answering the question: “What can we do to keep ourselves safe with online dating?”

• As mentioned before, keeping your personal information personal and keeping the first meeting in public place is your best bet.
• Try meeting for the first time in the daytime, over something small like coffee.
• It’s often best to talk for a while before you meet someone. Get to know them a little before the first date. However, this isn’t always required if there are reasons to meet quickly, just be extra careful if meeting quickly.
• Having a backup plan if the date goes south is always a good rule of thumb. The easiest way to do this is to plan up front and tell your date you can only meet for 30 minutes or an hour, even if you could do longer.
• Never meet someone asking for money. It just feels too risky. Plus, even if things are fine and their nice, they may still be motivated to meet you for money in the future as opposed to a relationship in the future!
• Finally, I would say follow the other simple rules laid out in Brad’s online dating guide here on this website.

Keeping safe in today’s world is a hard thing. I was watching TV the other night and saw that a woman was almost abducted by what she thought was the uber driver she ordered. Turns out it was the same type of car but not her driver and things almost went very wrong for her. She had to jump for the car in order to get away! So, we shouldn’t look at this situation and say that no one should ever use Uber or Lyft. Instead, just like with online dating, we need to ask what steps we could take to use the service but stay safe. In this example, the experts said you should always check the license plate and make sure it’s the right car before getting into it. Seems obvious, but in the moment, I think many of us don’t do that.

I was talking with a friend of mine that had a date set up from OKCupid. He told her to meet him at a Starbucks that was brand new. The problem came when she couldn’t find the location on Google maps. When that happened, she declined to meet him. I believe she was being safe, and so did he. He never ended up meeting with her, but I completely understand her point of view. Better safe than sorry. There is nothing wrong with my friend, she was just being safe.

So how do you know when someone is a safe bet? That’s the trick: there’s no real way to know that unless you know their friends, family, and life story. And even then sometimes we have nasty surprises! The truth is it’s hard to tell sometimes, but for me, I rely on following good steps that protect myself and, beyond that, trusting my gut. If my gut is telling something is wrong, then there probably is. In today’s world, one has to be careful – it’s just a plain fact of life nowadays. Too many nuts out there. Fake profiles, fake photos, and fake people. Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of good people as well. I guess I’m just writing this article to remind everyone that it pays to be careful and bad luck is some.

Not New, but Worth Repeating

I’m not telling anyone anything new. Then again maybe I am. All I want is people to be safe when they go online to date. Knowing what to look for and how to avoid pitfalls is half the battle when it comes to online dating. I still have trouble believing that some can get duped into sending money to a person across the country. Most times to someone they never even met. I mean how does this happen? That’s scary to me.

I think what people should do is arm themselves with some knowledge about how online dating works, and what to look out for. After all, this is not only an emotional investment but also a financial investment. If you are reading this article, then hopefully you are one of the people who take online dating seriously and wants to know as much as you can to have a good outcome. Plus, I like the saying, “The harder you work, the luckier you get”. Putting in some work can help avoid the “bad luck” of bad dates.

This is a great blog with detailed information on how to build a profile and what watch out for in the online dating world. So, I tell you friends there is nothing to be afraid of if you have the right ammo. Stay positive and have fun with the experience. Try not to let small set back get you down. If you really do your homework and invest your time, there is no reason you won’t have success with online dating. Plus, the more you put into yourself the better your return. After a while, things become less scary and become more fun.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have success with your online dating adventures.

The post Spooky online Dating first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

I was completely unprepared for what I was about to read! Not too many things shock me, and I guess it’s just my age, but I don’t understand the thinking of twenty-somethings. Hookups are not for me. God knows who or what that person has done before you walked into their place. I laughed at some of the conversations and cringed at others.

I’m in total disbelief that people communicate this way. Where is the romance? On the flip side, where is the shame for the way people are talking to one another? When the people don’t even know one another? These people are asking for sex like it’s something you pick up at the seven eleven. It’s crazy in my opinion.

Now I’m not knocking Tinder as they are a square business. I’m also not assuming that every person uses Tinder in a way were it’s a mix of humor and sex requests. However, if half of what is on reddit can be believed then it’s how some people who are using Tinder that I struggle to understand. And honestly, Tinder is a business and at the end of the day, they are more focused on making sure the site makes money over how people talk to one another, right?

So How Should Tinder (NOT) Be Used?

So, what do you say when you first meet someone? Every situation is different, although I think many of the ideas we talk about here in regard to email messages give good ideas on where to start. However, I can tell you some of the things not to do from my perspective. First, Don’t offer any pics of your body! I mean why do some guys think a woman really wants a pic of their junk? How is that going to get you a date? Maybe they do it just to be jerks, but I believe some of these guys really do it because they think women will respond. And maybe some women do respond…it’s hard to imagine but at the same time, I feel like it might happen. I mean, why would these guys keep doing it if they didn’t occasionally have success? Also, after looking at the Tinder conversations on reddit, maybe everyone sees the world different in modern dating?

To me, I still buy into trying a little romance. Ask questions for sure, but keep it clean. And I don’t see any reason to get too personal too quickly. In Brad’s guide, he offers ways to go about the first contact. It’s worth a read even though it wasn’t written with Tinder in mind.

I guess I’m preaching to the choir when I write this stuff since many of my readers are older than the twenty-somethings going crazy online. I don’t have to tell them to be polite when they speak to someone they are interested in. I don’t have to say keep it clean. I’m trying to reach an audience that will already know how to treat the opposite sex. This article is just to make them aware that if they want to try Tinder they may come across some things they may not like.

How Did We Get Here?

But it begs the question: what has happened to speaking normally to one another? Or maybe a better question would be, what happened that caused the younger crowd to accept this as “normal”? Shouldn’t the (mostly) men acting in this way be chased off of the dating service? Instead, not only do people act this way, they then go post these wild conversations for everyone to see!

I think one of the problems is instant gratification. It seems to me that in the recent decade’s kids were raised with so many options that they are used to getting what they want and fast. This, in my opinion, opposes the courtships that use to take place between a man and a woman. When I was in my twenties and headed out to a club, some people called them meat markets. Today you have endless pics of people you can choose from posing in increasingly questionable ways. I guess in a way it’s meat market times ten since it’s based almost entirely on that first look.

The picture draws a person in, but what should keep them there is the profile information. I think that the people using sites like Tinder for hookups don’t even read the profile info (ignoring using some information to start the first message occasionally). This is just my opinion but I think they scroll through countless pics until they see someone they would like to hook up with, and then they send rude or arrogant or crazy messages expecting to engage the other person. I’m only taking away the messages that I read when I visited Tinder subreddit. I was taken back by the lack of courtesy. The language didn’t bother me. The thing that got to me was the disrespect for the other person. I could never in my life approach someone the way it seems to be done today.

Even though this may seem a bit odd to some of us, it seems that people actually do respond to this kind of nonsense. Again, I blame that on the fact that this has become accepted as normal. I want to believe that there are women who value themselves highly, but the culture has taught them this is acceptable behavior. If we were looking at this in the past (pre-Tinder) then I think most people would agree that these people have to have some kind of low self-esteem issues to be putting themselves out there like a piece of meat. But if it’s the norm, I hope it’s just that people believe that there’s no other option and that their self-esteem is fine. Although, honestly, I’m not convinced either way.

An Attempt to Be Understanding

As I’ve been saying, I wonder where it all stems from. Everything starts in the home and I suppose the home is greatly influenced by culture. Perhaps the younger generation is faced with things we didn’t see growing up, being so exposed to all the good and bad the internet has to offer. They never had a day in their life where they couldn’t connect, buy, like or interact online.

So, what’s up with Tinder and the way people seem to think this is a hookup site? I don’t think anyone really knows how these things happen they just do. Or at a minimum, I would say that no one was planning for it to get to where it is now. I’m sure Tinder didn’t intend for its app to be used in this manner it just happened.

On top of that, I know plenty of people in their twenties and most are respectful, awesome people that have a good head on their shoulders. Sure, I know some that are stuck in their phones, in their own little world, and reek of ignorance. But it makes me think maybe things aren’t as bad as they look. Maybe it’s a small percentage of people who are horrible but also loud and in your face. To someone like me, it’s then easy to assume everyone is like that and everyone is OK with it.

Also, I bet a lot of people get chased off of Tinder when they first use it. If only the people who are OK with crudes and nudes stay around, then I guess it makes it look like young people are fine with all of this when in reality it’s only the few who are choosing to stick around. So I’m trying to be understanding and not assume the younger generation is nuts!

When I used the site I met one person and we both specifically stated that we were not there for a hookup. That says volumes in my book, that you HAVE to state that you are not here for hookup. It means, “Hey I know this sites people may think is a hookup site, but I’m here for a legitimate reason”. With my one date from Tinder, we met and things were cordial. We both decided that we were not right for each other. At no time did we disrespect one another or offend the other. So, I guess what I am saying is a site may be known for a hookup site, but it’s up to the user to decide how they are going to use it.

Thanks for taking the time to read and good luck with your online dating.

The post Whats up with Tinder first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

So should you try it just because all the cool kids are doing it? Absolutely! Seriously, though, young people set the tone for what is the standard of the times in my opinion. Most people will try something new and tend to want to keep up with the trends if they can…so I think there’s plenty of people trying which means plenty of people to meet.

So some good reasons one should try online dating are:

1. You can be in more control of who you date or at least have more options to choose from.
2. You don’t rely on chance as much…although there’s always some level of randomness to life!
3. For many people, it’s the most effective option.
4. Provides a good platform for building social and, more specifically, dating skills.
5. A faster process for first dates for many people
6. You can pick the place where you feel most comfortable to meet as opposed to random locations (or loud, smokey ones).
7. It opens your dating pool way up.
8. It’s a small price to pay for a lot of perks in the dating world.
9. You get more of what you want from your dating life.
10. Your calendar becomes full of adventures for months to come.

I could go on and on about why you should try online dating, but here are the simple facts: online dating, if nothing else, will create an opportunity for you to add an exciting chapter to your life. For many of us, dating life without an online option means no dates at all. You get to make the choice to add a tool that, with some persistance, will create the adventure of going on many more first dates. Second, with online dating you pretty much know what you are getting yourself into. It’s better than a blind date, trust me! Finally, more people are meeting and falling in love online than ever before and that number is just going to continue to grow and grow. All of this says to me, “What have I got to lose?” I could sit at home another lonely night or I can get out there and start connecting with people today.

Life is an adventure, live like it is. Take that chance because, in the end, it’s the chances that you didn’t take that you will regret. I could waste your time with numbers and statistics, but is that what you’re reading this article for? My guess would be no. My guess would be you want some information from someone who has tried online dating and has had success because we don’t do things just to fail. And so often I think people just want to find someone who can convince them to do what they already know, deep down, that they want to do. And I’m happy to be that guy if you need me to be.

We all want to be successful, and so how do we go about it. We learn from other and we do research on how to be successful at what we are interested in. Brad’s story is an online dating success story. He went from being unsuccessful with online dating to be very successful with online dating, and he shares it all with you on this site. His ways to improve your dating profile and dating life just provide a shortcut to what’s already waiting for you out ther.

I also am sharing my online dating experience with you in hopes that it will all lead you to the same conclusion. Hey, we can see better results with online dating through the eyes of these regular guys that put it out there for us to see. What they went through, why they think its worth it to try online dating, why they say an online paid dating site may be a better place to do your business because they found that people are more serious on an online dating site, and so on. We have used free sites like POF.com and paid sites like Match.com and we let you know what worked best for us. So going in you know what to expect. I suggest that you read Brad’s FREE guide to online dating. Really no surprise in what comes along in online dating can creep up on you once you’ve read the guide and a few articles on this site.

Brad tells you how with his guide and I tell you about my experience with online dating. So basically you’re getting both sides of the coin: you’re getting the interworkings of the online dating world and the methods to navigate it. Plus you’re getting an up close and personal experience with online dating. My thoughts are if you’ve read this article and are trying to decide if you want to try online dating, go for it! You have everything to gain and nothing to lose really, other than maybe a few lost nights if you end up on a few bad dates (but that’s a part of the deal).

An investment in your love life is an investment in the rest of your life. We only have a few choices in life, the way I see it. You can either give up on looking for options or you can go for it. There is no better feeling to me than going after what you want and getting it. No one is saying this is easy because it’s not…trust me, I know. Some people are better at it than others, but having some tools for the job helps. So again, I recommend you download Brads guide as it will give you some tools you need for success. Take the time to read some of the articles and try to avoid making some of the mistakes I’ve made.

Thanks for reading and good luck with your online search for love!

The post Why you should try online dating first appeared on Online Dating Guide.

With any online dating, there is no guarantee that you will have success, but dating someone you already know from your past puts you ahead of the game in several areas:

1. You’re not meeting a stranger.

2. Communication is often easier because you can connect on the past.

3. You already have some type of relationship with the other person.

4. You already have things in common such as high school or college or work.

5. The level of comfort often already established and you can avoid some of the awkward stages you see with online dating.

Meeting someone you already know is much easier than meeting a stranger. With an online profile, you only get so much information, but with reconnect through, let’s say Facebook you get the whole lot more to go on.

Benefits of Social Media Dating

You already know their history and background. And sometimes if you don’t know a lot about them, asking shared friends make that much easier as well. It basically become less about trying to figure out what a new person is like because you have an inside view. And even though you may know each other, I don’t think that takes away from things. Sure, with online dating everything is new, however if you do know a person from your past there is still much to learn about them. What has changed over the years? What hasn’t changed? Who are they still in contact with that you both know? You could maybe be in a situation where you haven’t talked in years but there is a lot to catch up on.

Also with online social media, I find that there is more interaction with someone you are dating. You may already be texting and talking on the phone, but with social media, it opens up another portal for you to communicate. With Facebook you can even let the world know who you are in a relationship with…this is a big step nowadays and a committed relationship is immediately sent to all family and friends letting them know Jack and Dianne are together. And then once you are an item you can go further and you can show your appreciation for someone in a new PDA form. Social PDA such as posting pictures of you two together lets everyone in your friend’s list know that your dating or involved.

Let’s say you’re like me and you check Facebook daily. You can see and judge by the post of your significant other how happy they are with the relationship or just in general. People who share on their social platforms want others to know they are happy or sad. So it helps you gauge the relationship when you look at it in that way.

By liking your partner’s post, you are not just saying I like this post but are saying this is something that we have in common. The most common way that I see people expressing their feeling is through pics on their post. Pics on vacation or at an event form a concert together to even marriage.

Dating should be fun and not looked be all work, even though you do have to put in the effort. Everyone wants a fun experience. I mean who wants to go on a date and feel like itâ€s an interview? No one that I know including myself. I’m not saying give up on traditional online dating. I’m just weighing the difference between the two. Some people like the fact of meeting someone new and learning all about them. Others might like the fact that they already know a good deal about a person.

Negative Aspects to Social Media Dating

The first big negative is that if things go poorly, it’s a bit more public and out there for the world to see. Depending on how much you put out to the world when things were going well, it might feel like everyone is in your business when things go wrong.

Related to this, you only have so many opportunities with social media compared to online dating as you’ll only have a certain number of single friends. Added to that you won’t want to develop a bad reputation so moving from one friend to another on Facebook often won’t be a great idea.

Another bad thing (although sometimes also goo) is that you have access to your partner’s friends and they have access to yours. There’s some good here in that if you want to know what she or he has always wanted for their birthday then you can go directly to Mom or brothers or sisters and ask. Perhaps you want to plan a special event for someone with family and friend. You can access all of this people in one spot. In the past this would have been much harder and involved a lot of phone calls that honestly most of us wouldn’t have bothered to make. On top of that, you often wouldn’t even know about many of these people and wouldn’t have an easy way to reach them. With social media, the person you are dating whole life is there…which has situations where it’s good.

However, there is a big downside to this if the relationship sours. Just as you can reach out to friends and family for good things, this can also be used in bad ways. Of course you can block another person if they become too annoying but it doesn’t mean they won’t have an opportunity to blow things up in your timeline!

Final Thoughts on Social Media Dating

Online dating doesn’t always mean online dating in the traditional sense. There have been times when I met someone online and then added them to friends on Facebook. This is also a good way to get to know someone for all the reasons I mentioned above. I would wait before doing this. I’m not saying go on one date then add them into your Facebook because, remember, you are letting this person into your online world with a lot of information on you. Make sure that you trust the person and know them well enough to do this.

So is reconnecting on a social site better than just fishing for people on a paid or unpaid dating site? For me, when the opportunity presents itself the experience has been that I’ve had more success with social media. It’s just easier to move things forward and there’s a fun aspect to reconnecting. But again, these opportunities aren’t always available and you will only have so many friends to consider. But when it’s been an option, for me it’s been good.

You may be different and not want to date anyone from your past. Then again you may just find out that Becky from homeroom is single now and you always had a crush on her. Whatever way works best for you; I would say go for it. I just wanted to point out the obvious that there is more than one way to skin a cat.

The post Dating and Social Media first appeared on Online Dating Guide.