Phone Calls can be Optional

Now the first thing I want to say is that early on in my online dating experience I did move from emails to phone calls and then first dates. However, as time went by, I started to avoid phone conversations. Going from emails right to first dates was where I found the most success.

I don’t see moving to phone calls as a bad thing, but I found meeting in person was much more valuable and more revealing so I aimed to get to the meeting part as quickly as I could. I found that detecting chemistry over the phone wasn’t something I was good at. I also had a few situations where talking on the phone seemed to encourage us to put off meeting and when we finally met, I was disappointed that the chemistry was lacking.

So my first piece of advice is don’t feel like you must move from emails to phone calls. However, if you prefer to move to the phone before meeting or if you’re talking to someone who prefers that, I would recommend the following.

First Phone Conversation vs. First Date Conversations

When I offer advice on the first date, I recommend lots of planning (see my post on first date conversations that I mentioned above). Everything on the first date is being scrutinized and awkward silences can be a killer.

However, with first phone calls, I did much less planning for the following reasons:

1. Unlike on a first date, if the conversations aren’t going well, you can always apologize and say you need to go. This can give you time to re-group and better prepare for the next call.
2. On phone calls, you can have their profile up in front of you if you want to. You can also have a list in front of you of things to talk about and no one knows the difference.

Basically, with the first phone call you can escape any awkwardness easily by ending the call or you can find things to talk about while you’re on the phone. These are not things you’re going to be able to do on a first date!

Preparing for the First Phone Conversation

Because of the flexibility that phone conversations give you, I wouldn’t recommend going to overboard in preparing for the first phone call. I’d prepare a short list of items you’d like to talk about but avoid using it unless you have to. Try to allow the phone conversation to move along on its own but have your list as a backup.

One thing I would recommend is start preparing to move from the phone to the first date. I remember getting into a situation where I had been talking with a woman on the phone so often that asking her out suddenly felt awkward. It felt like I’d missed my window and we were stuck in some type of phone-only relationship.

I would prepare in your mind how you want to move from the phone to the first date. This could include things like:

• Bringing up their favorite places to hang out
• Talking about local events that are happening such as festivals or fairs
• Discussing favorite restaurants

Preparing for and discussing these areas is all about trying to find something they are interested in and then using that as a way to ask for a first date. For example, if you are discussing restaurants you’ve tried, and they explaining how much they loved the new Thai place, you could say something like:

That sounds awesome. I’d love to try that. Would you like to grab dinner there this Thursday?

And if you’re a woman and don’t want to do the asking, you could just stop with “That sounds awesome. I’d love to try that.” and hope that he’s not blind to obvious signals!

The above might seem like over-thinking things but honestly I found asking women out over the phone could feel very abrupt when done wrong. We’d be talking about some sporting event or family stuff but all I’d be thinking to myself over and over was, “After this conversation ends I’m going to ask her out….after the conversation ends I’m going to ask her out…after this conversation ends I’m going to ask her out…”. And then I would jump all over the first chance I had but it would feel like something random when I asked that way and I remember a few women being caught off guard (which introduced a bit of awkwardness for us both).

So when I think of preparing for the first phone call, it’s not really about preparing for that call at all. It’s more about preparing to move the relationship to the first date. The first date is going to be the real measure for potential success in a relationship from my experience. Twenty emails and ten phone conversations aren’t as valuable as meeting once for half an hour. Also, because of this, I think it’s important to point out that just because the first phone conversation doesn’t seem to go well doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t meet the person.

Again, for me, preparing for the first phone call isn’t about preparing for the call. It’s about preparing to move past the phone calls.

Related posts:

1. Phone Calls After the First Date
2. When Should I Give My Phone Number?
3. Tips for Better Conversations on the First Date

Is Giving Up the Right Answer?

The above is just one example of why people might feel like they are wasting their time trying to contact someone. Sometimes, giving up may be the right answer, such as in the case where you are also talking to a lot of other people to date and the “problem” person is just distracting you. However, just like in my discussion on trying to contact someone again after no response, I think the process of finding closure is a fairly easy thing to attempt.

In the case above, I encouraged this woman to let him know that she really enjoys her time with him but that she feels like it’s a one way relationship and she’s going to look into dating other people if he can’t show more interest. I also suggested she try to be as nice as possible when explaining this: try not to make him the bad guy. Make it more about being open and honest. If this is how things are going to be, she just needs to know so she can date someone else. Not his fault, not her fault, just time to move on. He’s great, just not great for her.

I think one of two things will happen with this approach for issues like this one:

1. He’ll wake up and realize what he’s about to lose and kick into gear (and start rowing as my reader puts it)
2. He’ll agree it’s not working (or he’ll make excuses and says that he’ll improve but then won’t improve at all)

In case #1, we have closure because now we’re headed down the right path. In case #2, we have closure because now it will be very clear that ending things is the right choice. Without communicating like this, we’re just guessing if it’s the right time to end it. Yes, in many cases it seems like a good guess but it’s still a guess.

If you’re in a similar situation, I’d recommend trying to remove any guess work by being open and getting the other person to address your concerns one way or another. At the very least, this will prevent you from wondering years from now what might have been.

Related posts:

1. Finding Dating Advice Through Tweets
2. Good Dating Services for Finding Long-Distance Relationships
3. New Year’s Dating Resolution: Finding that Special Someone

What It Means

Compatibility means being able to exist in harmony with your partner. In terms of a relationship, compatibility is a multi-faceted concept. You can be compatible or incompatible with someone else on many different levels.

Consider things such as spiritual beliefs, relationship skills and life experiences. These elements all greatly shape a person and can keep shifting and changing throughout a person’s life. Now consider factors such as intellect, humour, character, dominance and physicality. More often than not, these traits tend to hold fast in a person and don’t change much over time.

How Important Is It?

All of the above determine a person’s compatibility with others. Finding someone who matches some, if not all of the elements that make you who you are is hugely important. Many couples fall in love and care deeply for each other only to find they can’t make their relationship work long term due to core incompatibilities.

Compatibility is crucial for long lasting relationships. Having shared interests, wanting the same things from life and having the same values means you’re more likely to go the distance and see each other through the hard times. As time passes in a relationship some couples start to drift and feel distant from one another as they find that deep down they’re rather different people. Being with someone you’re really compatible with, however, goes a long way to mitigating this.

What to Look For

Firstly, think about what it is that makes you, you. You can’t gauge who would make a good match for you without first considering who you are, what you value and what interests you. The usual prerequisites for a partner seem to be someone who is funny, smart, sexy and who makes you laugh. All of these are incredibly important but don’t forget to look for someone who satisfies you on a deeper level. You need someone who will nurture yet challenge you, who allows you to grow and who wants to grow with you.

How to Look

If you’re struggling to find someone who you’re truly compatible with, then consider letting dating agencies do some of the searching for you. Using a dating agency means you have access to so many more new and potentially interesting people than you would just through meeting friends of friends. There are agencies that actually ‘match-make’ by considering your profile and finding people who might suit you. Some agencies will even cater to specific things you’re looking for in a partner, such as faith. You can find Christian singles at eHarmony.co.uk, for example.

With the above tips you should be able to gain a better idea of what exactly you are looking for in a partner. In no time you will be well on your way to finding a truly compatible partner.

Related posts:

1. Online Dating After Divorce
2. eHarmony Review: Finding Compatibility Online
3. Long-Distance Relationships Over the Christmas Season

I’m going to use a recent reader example to illustrate how overreacting to confusion can cause a lot of harm. While this is just one example, I get emails from people with some regularity where I feel their response crosses the line. I generally get contacted a few days after they’ve done their overreacting where they begin to question their choices.

An Example of Overreacting in Online Dating

I’ll be using an example where a man took his profile offline and a woman took that as an offense, but I’ve seen examples of overreacting for the exact opposite (i.e., getting upset when someone does not taking their profile down after one date). The example isn’t as important as the message of “understanding is better than overreacting”.

I have been communicating online with a man who lives three hours away for about six weeks. After several failed attempts to meet, we finally were able to meet this past weekend. Even though it was our first meeting, we connected well and it seemed to me there was a genuine attraction between us. When he left to return home, he told me what a wonderful time he’d had and that we should do it again “sooner rather than later”.

Two days later, I hadn’t heard from him so I logged into the dating site we met on and his profile picture was gone. I sent him a message asking if he’d blocked my profile. He responded “I’m off the site”. I was so confused… we had such a great afternoon and evening. My immediate reaction was “he’s married or in a relationship”. I sent him a few choice words and have not contacted him again. However, later in the week I again logged into the site and he was active on the site again.

So my question is this….do you think I overreacted? My girlfriend thinks I did, that perhaps he got off the site for me and I blew it… Did I overreact?

In this case, I felt she had overreacted and I told her as much. One thing she didn’t understand was that this man’s actions suggested he liked her! When he took his profile down, what he was saying was “I don’t need this dating site any longer, I’ve found one woman I want to pursue.”

I understand how someone new to online dating could misunderstand but a guy taking his profile down after meeting a woman is a huge compliment. The night I met the woman who would eventually become my wife, I took my profile down so I do speak from experience. And you can see how tough it is for women who have to deal with the opposite here and here.

There Can Be Recovery!

One thing I pointed out to this reader was that just because we overreact doesn’t mean all is lost. I’ve found that when we realize we’ve crossed a line, if we are painfully honest and ask for another chance, many times we’re given one. The important part is recognizing we’ve overreacted soon, as the longer you wait to make amends, the more difficult it will be. Here is part of my advice to her on recovering:

Now I really did believe that she could recover but I also knew there was a chance that she’d never hear from the guy again. However, the great news is a few days ago I received a follow-up email from this reader:

Just wanted to let you know that your advice worked! I sent him a message and included you suggestions – kept it brief and honest; I told him I was like the “run-away bride” – I panic and bolt :). It took a few days but he accepted my apology and we are communicating again!

I wanted to provide the feedback for all your other readers – don’t make the same mistake I did. I very nearly sabotaged the potential to have a great man in my life! Men and women don’t always think the same. Thank you for a spot on assessment – keep doing what you do :)

So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling hopeless…there is hope! I’d recommend you take the same approach to try to repair things if you are in this situation. Yes, it may not work but I do think it’s worth a shot.

And again, concentrate on understanding situations that confuse you when you’re dating online. Making assumptions that you know exactly why someone is doing something can be dangerous business.

Related posts:

1. When to Discuss the Type of Relationship You’re Looking For
2. Bad First Dates and You
3. Match.com Winks and Women: How to Use and Respond

These vegetable bingers are the ones that will make barfing noises while a Burger King commercial is on TV or try to convert you by sending you videos of animals being tortured or articles on the bad health effects of meat. These people have to realize that this approach doesn’t work and that negativity is never a good way to sell someone on anything. Do not encourage bad behavior, avoid new vegetarians if they are acting this way.

Tip Two: Don’t Be the Mean Meat Eater
Unfortunately quite a few people have run into a militant vegetarian and this tends to taint their perception of all vegetarians that come after. Sometimes the attacked become the attackers and these mean meat eaters end up being rude to easy going nonabrasive vegetarians. This won’t win you any second dates.

If you meet someone who isn’t a fan of meat but is fine with going out to eat at a restaurant that has both vegetarian dishes and meat dishes, great! Now, don’t insult your date by making “yum yum” noises and saying things like “I LOVE meat! The bloodier the better! Want to have a bite? Come on I bet you’re dying for some!”. This kind of behavior is just as bad as the militant vegetarians and I promise you, they won’t find you funny if you make fun of their lifestyle.

Tip Three: It’s OK to Ask Questions
Just like every date you go on is different, every vegetarian is as well. Before going out to dinner, it is polite to ask if they prefer to eat a vegetarian restaurant or if they’re ok with one that is simply “vegetarian friendly”. Ask them what kind of meat they avoid, because some vegetarians will still eat seafood (these are actually called Pescetarians), while others may not even eat eggs or dairy products (they are called vegans). Some people avoid asking questions because they think it’s impolite but it can actually be a good conversation topic with someone new that you’re dating. Just listen and you may learn something new!

Tip Four: Be Considerate, but Not Co-Dependent
If you’re at a restaurant that is vegetarian friendly and serves meat and this is your FIRST date, I would order a vegetarian dish. If it’s your second or third date and you feel like having meat, go for it, just don’t make a big deal about it (like in tip two). Dating is a two way street and just like you’ll have to accept that you’re going to have to find vegetarian friendly places to eat with this new match, they have to accept that once and a while, they’ll have to see you eat some chicken. If that’s a big deal for them, then they may be a little too uptight to date you. Don’t switch your whole lifestyle just for the person you’re dating, unless, of course, eating vegetarian interests you.

Tip Five: See the Person You’re Dating for Who They Are, Not What They Eat
While it’s OK to ask a few questions when you first start dating a vegetarian about their comfort level and lifestyle, it shouldn’t be the only thing you talk about. No need to introduce your date as “Helen the vegetarian”. Move past the food and get on to more interesting topics, like all the great dating advice blogs there online today!

Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect diet, or a perfect date.

Your date isn’t superior because of how they eat and neither are you. What’s really important is if you two relate well with one another and if you’re facing the same direction in life. As long as you have these two things in common, everything else is just gravy (mushroom or beef, depending on the date).

This is a guest post by Alicia Aubrey from PassionSearch. Like Alicia’s ideas? Read more of her thoughts, ideas and advice on dating at the PassionSearch Blog!

Related posts:

1. My Date Doesn’t Ask Me Any Questions
2. Becoming Vegan for a Month
3. Signs That A Bad Date Is Actually Good

Here’s how one of my readers put it:

Some people sign up for online dating to find someone to go on dates with and not get too attached, while others are looking to develop a serious relationship. To me, it seems like there should be a common understanding of goals early on, to avoid disappointment later. I’m not sure how to bring up the subject, though, without sounding weird or presumptuous. What are your thoughts on discussing dating goals, either in an online dating profile or first/second date conversation?

When to Discuss the Type of Relationship You Are Looking For

First off, I believe that stating our desires for a relationship is something that we should always discuss in our profile. At the very least, we should hint at what we are looking for.

I understand that there could be concerns over sounding weird or presumptuous, but it’s a pretty big deal: if met a woman and on the second date she said she had no interest in finding a long-term relationship, I would have felt like I wasted my time.

How Should I Describe What I’m Looking For?
I believe we should be clear on the type of relationship we are looking for as early as possible, but I do think we should put some thought into how we express this. I don’t think we need to hit other people over the head with our stance. Being too aggressive could scare some potentially good dates off.

While many of us have stances on what we want, most of us also have some flexibility in who we are willing to date. Just think of all the relationships that started out more casual that eventually turned into marriage. I think we should describe what we’re looking for with that flexibility in mind.

For example, I wouldn’t put this text in a profile:

“I’m not looking for a long-term relationship. I just want to have fun!”

That might be true but at the same time, if the right person comes along we might change our mind. Instead, I’d write that as:

“I’m staying open about who I date and I’d look forward to meeting new people. Initially I’m not looking to jump into a committed relationship but down the road I’m open to the possibility”

Now I’m sure the first example would attract some people, but I would hope the second could also attract those same people without scaring others away. On the other hand, if you never want a serious long-term relationship then perhaps the first is better. I don’t want to suggest that you lie, but I do think there are good ways to describe what we are looking for without giving people the wrong impression.

What If They Don’t Reveal What They Are Looking For?

If they are silent on what they are looking for in their dating profile, I believe it would be best to bring it up before the first date. Sometimes it can be difficult to fit this comfortably into conversation so it may need to wait until the first date, just recognize that you may spend a few weeks getting to that first date and then not like the answer the other person is giving you.

Just as when we talk about what we are looking for, I wouldn’t be too aggressive in getting them to open up about what they are looking for. A simple question like, “What led you to try online dating?” could reveal a lot without making them uncomfortable.

My Own Worst Enemy

Personally, I think I was my own worst enemy early on in this area in regards to describing the type of relationship I was looking for. I was very vague because I wanted to be open and acceptable to as many women as possible. In reality, I wanted to find a long-term relationship and eventually get married but I never listed this in my profile.

Eventually, I was clear in my profile on what I was looking for and I did feel better about the first dates I was going on. Sure, most of them still never progressed very far but at least I knew we were starting out with the same goals.

I imagine being honest may have prevented me from going on some dates, but in this case, isn’t that a good thing? I would encourage you to be open about what you really want in a relationship to save yourself time and headaches.

Related posts:

1. Overreacting: A Relationship Killer
2. The Best Online Dating Service
3. What Should I Include in My Dating Profile?

I had a couple questions I was hoping you could help me with. I am self-employed, make a comfortable living, and I am about 5’8-5’9 in height. I have run into a lot of profiles where the woman has stated that her date needs to have a bachelor’s degree or be taller than I am. Do you think it is still worth it for me to contact them or should I just focus on my time on other women? Also if I did contact one of them should I mention this (maybe make a joke about it?) or just send a normal first email?

My answer to this email was this: I don’t think you should worry about the bachelor’s degree but I do think you should pay attention to the height. I’ll explain why below.

Interpreting Education Requirements in Dating Profile

So should guys not contact a woman if they don’t meet her education requirements? I think so…under the right circumstances.

With the bachelor’s degree, what I believe most women are saying is that she doesn’t want some slacker who lives in his mom’s basement and plays video games all day long. A bachelor’s degree is a way (sometimes a bad way) to measure a person’s commitment and drive. Many businesses do the same exact thing – they don’t know who you are so the first way they measure you is if you have a piece of paper or not.

The one exception I can think to my suggestion is if a woman makes it clear that she’s looking for an intellectual to have deep philosophical discussions with. Not to say that education totally defines intelligence, but I could see instances where a woman would want to date a man who had many years of education for reasons other than personal drive or financial success.

Height Requirements Should Generally Be Observed

In my mind, height tends to be a bit different than education because what the woman is stating as a desire actually is the desire. I do think there are times where you can push it (let’s say she’s looking for 5’10″ and you’re 5’9″…well, you might slide by, especially if she’s 5’6″). I wrote an article similar to this topic in some ways that you can find here: Older Med Contacting Younger Women.

As I discuss in that article, I do think there are times you can make an attempt regardless of her requirement but as guys we shouldn’t see it as our right to annoy women by ignoring their requirements altogether.

To sum up my thoughts on height: I would generally not contact women where I am shorter than their height requirement but occasionally would make exceptions if I thought there could be a strong connection.

Joking About Not Meeting Dating Requirements

I recommend against pointing out areas where you don’t perfectly meeting requirement. A lot of people do this and I’ve never seen an email where this came off as attractive (normally it just appeared to add some insecurity to the first email).

I would say this is especially true of the bachelor’s degree because, again, I don’t think it’s really the degree that most women are looking for. Height…well, if you’re 5’8″ but you are contacting a woman who only wants guys over 6’2″ because you think she’s perfect and can’t resist emailing her, I guess in that case you could joke about it because at least then she’d know that you read her profile (and it’s such a long shot already). In this case though, should you really be contacting her?

If it were me, I’d avoid bringing up any areas that are lacking and allow her to make her own choice.

Related posts:

1. Men That Go Beyond One Email Attempt in Online Dating
2. Issues with Older Men Contacting Younger Women
3. Why Do Men Ignore What I Require in My Dating Profile?

You’re both on an online dating site, so the likelihood is, you’re both looking to meet someone; surely the logical next step is to meet this person.

Asking to meet
Perhaps he hasn’t popped the “shall we meet?” question yet and, while it might feel nice to be asked, ladies, this is the 21st century. The dating rules have changed, and it’s no problem for you to make the first move.

Men love a woman who is confident in herself and knows what she wants. By all means, drop as many hints as you like, but if he’s just not interpreting your “I need to see you to believe it” and “Oh, I’ve always wanted to do that,” you should simply ask to meet him.

If you don’t feel confident enough to ask him outright, consider phrasing it as a suggestion, for example, “we should meet up soon” or “maybe we should try out that new ice-cream place one night next week”. By putting a loose schedule on a potential date, it will show your man you’re keen to meet up sooner rather than later, which should get the romance ball rolling.

If he declines your request
You’ve hit it off online and frequently chat about your interests, hopes, dreams and aspirations; you’re certain you’re onto something amazing here, but as fabulous, endearing and gorgeous as you are, unfortunately the other person won’t always feel the same way. Whether he’s got a load of excuses lined up or just isn’t interested, try not to feel too disheartened if he declines or ignores your suggestion.

Excuses, in particular, can be frustrating. He might claim he is very busy at work or that he has other commitments that he needs to attend to. But be conscious of the fact that if he’s as interested in you as you are in him, he will make an effort to see you and will name a day before too long.

What to do next
If he continually makes excuses, make it clear that the ball is firmly planted in his court. But, don’t wait for him. If you feel you have a genuine reason to be suspicious of his constant knock backs, make it clear that you’ve tried your best but suspect he isn’t ready to meet anyone, and embark on a search for a man who realises than honesty is the best policy and will treat you well.

It can be upsetting when you feel rejected by someone you’ve been growing ever closer to, but, don’t let his “no, thank you” knock your confidence. Respect his honesty; wish him the best of luck and move on, there are plenty more people online who are much more open to connecting with you face to face, and they’re just a click away.

To read more first date advice, visit match.com’s new advice site.

Related posts:

1. With Online Dating, Meeting Matters
2. No Contact After the First Date
3. Wearing Sweat Pants on a First Date

My husband passed away some time ago and I’m starting to consider dating again but I’m not sure if online dating would right for me. I’m not sure if I’m ready. Can I sign up for one month to see if it is what I’m looking for? I’m not sure how I’ll feel when I meet new people and I want to be fair to them. I’m confused about what I want at this point and I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.

I’ve never personally experienced losing a spouse so my advice here may be lacking, but I’ll give my opinion. I have talked with many people about the struggle of deciding when to date for different reasons so hopefully some of that experience will be helpful.

So When is the Right Time to Date Again?
To me, when you lose a spouse, it’s a personal issue in regards to when to start dating again. No one can tell you when it is the right or wrong time to date. There is no universal calendar that says, “On this date, it’s time to start dating again”. For some people, they may find they desire a relationship in a relatively short time while others may never date again…and in both cases that might be the right thing to do.

I think it comes down to determining where you are in the grieving process and determining if you’re ready to try. For example, one sign that you may be ready to date is if you are asking yourself questions like, “Is it okay for me to date right now? Have I waited long enough? I think I want to date, but will I make a fool of myself if I do?” Are you arguing with yourself over dating again? That suggests a desire to find a relationship again. This desire doesn’t mean you’re ready for a new relationship, but it does suggest that you are headed in that direction.

Perhaps a better place to start isn’t to try to determine if you’re ready to start dating in general, but instead ask yourself if you could see yourself going on one date. Is that something you could handle? Does it interest you? Or are you afraid you would become an emotional wreck?

If you have doubts and concerns with the idea of one date, I would wait. Even just being horribly confused could be a sign to wait. But perhaps answering those questions make you feel that you are ready for one date. That is great but before signing up for a dating service, consider the risks of dating too soon.

The Risks of Dating Too Soon
You may feel you are ready to date again but I would encourage some caution and serious thought before jumping in. I’m sure there are many risks to dating too quickly after the death of a husband or wife but here are two big ones that come to my mind:

1. If you’re not ready, you may get emotional on your first dates and that could be embarrassing. As was my reader’s concern, this could be seen as wasting the other person’s time. But I see another big drawback to this: if you have a bad first experience, it could cause you to wait far too long to try again or might even convince you that you should never try again. You could create a situation where it takes much longer for you to find a new relationship once you are ready.
2. If you’re not ready, you may make poor emotional decisions. You may feel strongly enough that you allow yourself to get into a situation where you are taken advantage of. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, you may end up rejecting men/women because you talk yourself out of pursing a new relationship (as the idea may become very frightening)

So what’s the solution? How do you know if you’re moving too soon? Unfortunately, I don’t think I can answer that question in an article like this: I don’t know the details of your personal situation nor can I understand fully the pain you have gone through. My advice (which, by its nature, is rather generic) can only take you so far.

With that in mind, I’d really recommend opening up to a close friend. Someone who knows you. Someone who has been with you as you’ve gone through the pain of losing your wife or husband. This could even come in the form of a pastor or therapist.

My thought is this: sometimes when we’ve experienced a traumatic event, it’s difficult for us to judge our own decision making. Bringing in a close friend that can help us see the wisdom (or error) in moving forward is a huge help. I hope an article like this one is helpful “generally”, but when we get to the specifics of your situation, I feel you need someone who can give more personal advice.

Benefits of Online Dating
If you decide it is time to move forward, I do believe there are benefits to dating online as a way to re-enter the dating world. I would see some of those benefits including:

• You can try for short periods to see how you do. If you try it for two days and decide you aren’t ready, you can hide your profile then come back 3 months later and pick up where you left off.
• There is a lot of control in who you meet and how quickly you meet.
• It can provide an opportunity to find people who have gone through a similar situation.
• People online know you want to date. Those around you may not pursue a relationship with you for fear that you’re not ready (but at the same time you don’t feel comfortable announcing to the world that you’re looking to date again)
• If it has been a long time since you have dated, there are services that can walk you step-by-step through the process (with eHarmony being the one that comes quickest to my mind)

That said, I don’t think online dating has to be a part of finding a new relationship. I just see benefits to using one.

Having highlighted some benefits, I would urge caution when using online dating because it can present many opportunities very rapidly…with some of those opportunities being less good than others. I would again suggest that you keep a friend involved as you begin to date. Add a voice of reason to the decisions you are making. Maybe even give them the power to veto dates or to tell you it’s time to take a break. A close friend who can help in this process is priceless.

Be Aware of Auto-Renewals
My reader’s idea of just trying online dating for a month is a reasonable one. It might even be fine if you had no first dates that first month (not saying you should avoid meeting people, I’m just saying if it didn’t happen right away that might be okay).

However, be aware that all major dating services that I’m aware of auto-renew your account. If you sign up for 1 month, as soon as that month is up they will immediately charge you again and give you another month of time. You actually have to cancel your subscription to stop them from charging you again. So if you do sign up for a month, be sure to cancel your account before a month is up (especially if you discover that online dating isn’t something you’re ready for).

Related posts:

1. Dating Services: How Long Should I Sign Up For?
2. Is It Normal to Try Online Dating Several Times?
3. Using Online Dating Advice Intelligently

Sign up eHarmony to Try the Free Weekend

That said, 3 of the 4 free events last year also happened by March but I’m still hopeful that we will see these free events with more regularity throughout this year. If you’re interested in seeing a list of the free events, see my post on previous eHarmony Free Weekends.

Also, if you’ve never tried a free weekend (or if it’s been a while) you might want to read my article on Rules for eHarmony Free Events. Good luck to everyone who give the free weekend a try!

Related posts:

1. eHarmony Free Communication Weekend: March 18th – 21st 2010
2. eHarmony Free Communication Weekend February 17 – 20
3. MatchAffinity Free Weekend March 2011