Referring to these photos as “weird” is being nice in my opinion. I’m not actually convinced that all of these photos are real. Even if only a of them are legit that still means there are people out there who think these kinds of photos will work (or there are people creating profiles as a joke). Your photo is one of the most important parts of your profile…if you play games with your photo or get “weird” don’t be surprised if you don’t have much communication.

Hopefully everyone reading this is capable of recognizing when their photo has crossed into the twilight zone but if you’re not sure, be sure have a friend review your pictures!

Related posts:

1. Online Dating Photos: Tips to Help Improve Success
2. Does Your Dating Profile Photo Say What You Think It Does?
3. The Worst Dating Site In The World

Notes on Pricing

Keep in mind that services that charge more often have earned the right to do so. For example, even though eHarmony prices are some of the most expensive, it had more visits in 2009 than any other dating service. This doesn’t make the cheaper services bad but it does mean that the more expensive services are most often worth the extra price. If you decide to use a cheaper service it may mean fewer members or less features but this isn’t always a problem. A site like CatholicMatch has less members but the members it does have are exactly what its users are looking for. In this case, less is actually better.

All prices are broken down by what you would pay per month. For example, 3 months at Yahoo! Personals is $19.99 per month so the total for the 3 month plan ends up costing $59.97.

2010 Online Dating Pricing Guide

Why Are Some Services “Recommended”?
The services I include in my Recommended section are those that I feel could lead to a success (in other words, the creation of a serious relationship). I do believe that the specialized dating services (niche sites) also lead to success but I can’t recommend them universally as they are specialized toward specific individuals. Finally, my “other dating services” section is the sites that I wouldn’t recommend for those looking for a strong relationship. For example, Established Men is a service that runs on trading beauty for wealth. I don’t see that as a wrong thing but I also don’t see that as the best way to find the right person for you. Not everyone is looking for a long-term relationship though so I include them here.

Why List Only One Free Dating Site?
I’ve thrown my hat in with OKCupid primarily because of how much I dislike Plenty of Fish. I think that OKCupid is leaps and bounds better than this “most popular” free service. I promote them because I like their service, I believe they actually enable people to find dating success (unlike their previously mentioned competitor), and I want to see some free service become popular enough to force Plenty of Fish to actually have to put an effort into their service. You can seem my complaints about Plenty of Fish directly here and more indirectly here.

Promotion Codes
If signing up for a service in the list that has a promotion code, be sure to enter that code. If the code isn’t entered, the discounted price will not be given.

Am I Missing A Dating Service?
If I’m missing a dating service that you really like or if my prices are incorrect, please contact me.

Related posts:

1. 2010 Dating Service Valentine’s Day Specials
2. The Best Online Dating Service
3. What Is the Price of Chemistry.com Subscriptions?

• If you decide to contact me, I’m very flattered.
• Please contact me if you would like to chat.
• I hope you decide to send me an email!

There are a few reasons this approach is a bad idea.

Reason 1: You Don’t Want to Appear Desperate
You might not be desperate but often your words will tell another story. Perhaps the wrong story but they still say something. I talk about this in my post Does You Online Dating Profile Say What You Think It Does? In some cases, asking (or even begging) people to contact you might not hurt your profile. However, remember that you are always fighting the bad impressions the people who have come before you have created. If a woman has had to deal with a weird guy or three, she’s going to be on the lookout for anything out of place. If a man earned himself an online stalker he’s going to start taking the same precautions. Having dated online actively, my experience has shown that there are far more normal people than weird. That said, it only takes one bad experience to open our eyes to what could happen on these online dates. After that point, I can guarantee you’ll be under the microscope.

Reason 2: People Know How Online Dating Works
You don’t need to explain to people how to communicate with you. Everyone already knows. The idea that someone looked at your profile, thought you were great and wanted to contact you but just couldn’t figure out how is not happening. “But what if they are nervous about contacting me or shy?” First, simply stating that you invite emails isn’t going to give nervous person courage. Everyone is inviting contact by the virtue of having a dating profile. Second, you can’t write your profile for the minority of people at the risk of driving away the majority. In other words, do everything you can to remove anything questionable from your profile. Including innocent statements that someone else might see as desperation.

Reason 3: Are You Selecting or Being Selected?
A cousin of desperation is low self-esteem. When you word your plea for contact the wrong way you might be telling your potential dates: “I’ll take anyone!” Again, I’m not saying that you have low self-esteem by asking for contact but I would suggest that you might give that impression. Remember: you need to see online dating as an opportunity for you to find what you’re looking for. Your goal should not be to provide someone else everything they are looking for. Not only that, giving the impression that you’ll settle for anyone in unattractive. No one wants to be that “special anyone”, they want to be that “special someone”.

Reason 4: You Don’t Need to Prove that You’re Nice
Some people want to include something nice or encouraging in their profile and see including a statement like “I hope you decide to contact me!” as the way to do it. Yes, that is a nice statement but as I’ve shown above it may do more harm than good. Just as you don’t need to prove that you’re funny in your profile, you also don’t need to prove that you’re nice.

A Better Way To Encourage Contact

I believe there are two better approaches to ending your profile. First, not saying anything at all about contacting each other is totally fine. That’s probably the easiest approach as well. As I’ve said in my online dating guide, just coming off as normal can go a long way for your dating profile. Avoiding appearances of desperation or low-self esteem will improve your odds at being contacted.

The second method is more direct and while like the examples at the beginning of this post there is a significant difference. At the end of your profile, describe the type of man or woman you are looking for. After that, a comment stating that a person who fits the bill should be encouraged to contact you is fine. Here’s an example:

The woman I’d like to meet loves to travel. She’s excited to try something new and appreciates my quirkiness. She loves learning and excited to share her experiences with the man in her life. If this sounds like you, feel free to contact me.

But why would this work so much better? Is it really that much different? I think so. In this example, there can be no confusion over desperation or low self-esteem. The point is clear: I’m looking for particulars in the person I date. If that sounds like you, we should talk. If not, I wish you the best of luck. There’s no desperation. There’s no low self-esteem. Not only is it a strong way to encourage contact it actually strengthens your profile as you’re defining some things you’re looking for. Not only will you encourage contact, you’ll encourage contact from those who fit what you’re looking for.

Related posts:

1. If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?
2. Getting a Professionally Written Online Dating Profile
3. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?

First, you need to keep in mind that your user name is not going to be very important in the grand scheme of things. Because of that, please don’t over-think this! No one is going to pick or reject you based on your user id and I personally can’t remember any user ids that have really jumped out at me. Generally speaking, you should make your user id whatever you want it to be. That said, I would say there are a few rules on what you shouldn’t make your user id.

Second, you should not reveal too much about yourself with it as others will see it. As an example, your first and last name or your home address would be bad ideas for your user name. Not that most people are going to use their home address but some people might enter their full name…make sure that person isn’t you.

Next, I would recommend against using your standard user id such as the id you use for your personal email account. Again, this is about protecting your identity and you would be amazed at what you can find with just an email address or a user id. Check out Pipl to see exactly what I mean. The amount of data we post online about ourselves these days makes taking some extra caution worth the effort.

Finally, if you’re a woman and you want to insert words like “sexxxy” into your user id that’s fine but be aware some men do spam women on online dating service. I’m not claiming it will happen but you might be inviting more of this type of contact with a name like this. It’s a pretty small risk and more of a minor annoyance than anything else but keep it in mind.

Aside from those issues, you shouldn’t be worried about your user id. A hobby or an emotion or a nickname all work fine, although you may need to add a random number since many user names will already be taken. If you just can’t think of anything you can use a name generator (see the Online Handle Generator on this page). Just use good judgement! When I tested out the name generator the first one it gave me was “QuicklyBiting” which probably isn’t the best profile name!

Related posts:

1. An Introduction to Online Dating
2. Online Dating Services with a Different Approach
3. 5 Signs Your Online Dating Service Sucks

How Do I Hide My Profile on Match.com?
What Happens When I Hide My Profile?
Can I Hide My Match.com Profile but Still Quality for Guarantee?
How Do i Contact Non-Paying Members on Match.com?
What Does a Green Highlighted Profile on Match.com Mean?
How Can I Tell Who the Paying Members Are?
How Much will the Match.com Six Month Guarantee Cost in Total?
Does Match.com Have Any Other Deals?
How Do I Change My Primary Photo on Match.com?
What Does It Mean If She Looked at My Profile but Didn’t Wink?
What If I Get No Replies to my Emails?
What is the Number of Members at Match.com?

How Do I Hide My Profile on Match.com?
As someone who signs up for services to review or test them, I’m very familiar with this process! To hide your profile:
1. Click on Profile at the top of the screen
2. On the left, you should see a section labeled Visibility Options. Simply click Hide Profile.

What Happens When I Hide My Profile?
There several things hiding your profile do but primarily it removes you from search results. You can still contact people when your profile is hidden but they won’t be able to look at your profile so that sort of defeats the purpose (so remember to make yourself visible if you start contacting people). Additionally, you will not be shown in people’s “Who’s Viewed Me” section. However, if you unhide your profile you will appear in this section for anyone you viewed. Keep this in mind if for some reason you’re hiding your profile in an attempt to not let people know you were looking at them!

Can I Hide My Match.com Profile But Still Quality for Guarantee?
As I covered in my discussion of issues with the six month guarantee, you cannot hide your profile and still qualify for the guarantee. Be sure to read all the rules as there are additional qualifications.

How Do i Contact Non-Paying Members on Match.com?
If you are a paying subscriber to Match.com, you can contact anyone you want regardless of whether they pay or not. However, if you contact a non-payer then they will not be able to contact you back. Unfortunately, Match.com doesn’t reveal who is a paying member and who is not. The only people you can be sure pay are those with a green background around their profile.

What Does a Green Highlighted Profile on Match.com Mean?
A profile highlighted in green is someone who has signed up for the platinum package. Anyone who is attempting to qualify for the 6-month guarantee has to sign up for this plan. This package also allows the member to see when people open emails that they send and they profiles are shown to new members first. Obviously it’s also highlighted in green.

As a side note, I had always thought that the Match.com 6-month guarantee came free with the standard 6-month plan. I suspect this had been changed at some point but it’s only a dollar more per month so I guess it isn’t a huge problem.

How Can I Tell Who the Paying Members Are?
One question had asked if a green profile meant the user was a subscriber. As I described, green is actually the platinum account. To be clear though, I don’t believe there is a way to differentiate normal users from paying users normally.

How Much will the Match.com Six Month Guarantee Cost in Total?
The plan to get the 6-month guarantee is $17.99 a month or a total of $107.94.

Does Match.com Have Any Other Deals?
Match.com has a 7-day free trial. If you use this trial you can still sign up for the 6-month guarantee if you want to try to take advantage of both promotions.

Match also has a promotion where you can get 20% off the priceof any of their standard plans. I believe that this would work with the 6-month guarantee but it’s not clear to me if it would work with the 7-day trial. If you decide to try this be sure to follow the instructions on the sign up screen in the link above.

How Do I Change My Primary Photo on Match.com?
Changing your primary photo is pretty simple although you will have to wait up to 24 hours for them to approve your new photo as your primary. To change your photo:
1. Click Profile at the top of the screen
2. Click on Add/Edit Photos on the next screen (it should be just below the “My Profile” heading)
3. Any photo that can be set as your primary photo should have a “make primary” button. If you have other photos that can be made your primary photo just click the button and the process to change it should begin.
4. If none of your other photos are marked as “make primary” your current photos are not seen as good candidates for your primary photo. This would normally be because they want your primary photo to be a clear headshot of only you.

What Does It Mean If She Looked at My Profile but Didn’t Wink?
To be honest, it doesn’t mean much of anything at all. Most people look at a large number of profile but contact very few (or sometimes none at all). Don’t take it personally and if you think she’s interesting why not contact her?

What If I Get No Replies to my Emails?
In my online dating guide I discuss this in great detail in my section on an absence of responses. There are more reasons than you might think for this sort of thing to happen so it’s best to not take this personally. For all you know the people you are contacting aren’t even paying members.

What is the Number of Members at Match.com?
I’ve not seen any numbers on the exact count of members but I do know that as of June 2009, Match.com was getting close to 3.5 million visitors a month.

Related posts:

1. Issues with the Match.com Six Month Guarantee
2. Match.com Winks and Women: How to Use and Respond
3. Dating Services: How Long Should I Sign Up For?

Should I Wink at a Guy I Find Attractive?

My opinion on this one is simple: absolutely. I believe that women should also feel free to write emails as well but I recommend you stay within your comfort zone. If that means winking, then that’s what you should do.

Do Guys Like Winks on Match

I’ve never heard of a man who doesn’t like that a woman would flirt with him, and that includes online dating. Keep in mind that just because men like receiving winks it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to want to go on a date with you. You have to take a chance with online dating and as a woman if you want to contact a man but aren’t sure you want to write an email a wink is 100% appropriate.

How Should I Respond to a Guy’s Wink on Match?

My advice to men is that they not wink at women and that they should be writing emails. Men who wink first may be shy, timid, or they may just not understand how online dating works. As long as you’re okay with any of those possibilities, I would recommend you wink back and allow him the opportunity to email you. If he’s contacting you, I think the man should drive the conversation so I recommend giving him the chance to do just that. An exception to this is if you’re an assertive woman who doesn’t mind taking control. In that case, you should do whatever you want. I suspect not too many women of that temperament are asking this question in the first place, though.
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Related posts:

1. Match.com Questions and Answers
2. How to Use VIP Emails at Match.com
3. Internet Dating: Profile Views vs. Actual Interest

Recently, I was contacted the publisher of this book and they wanted to let me know about their online test. This will allow anyone to quickly discover which love language is their most dominant. Discovering your love language is interesting but remember that learning the love language of your partner is at least as important! I remember that I wasn’t surprised by my love language but I was surprised by my wife’s.

This test will ask questions about you “husband” or your “wife” but just fill that in with “the person you are dating” or “when you are married…”. I know most of my visitors are still single but the test will still work fine! The test requests your email but you can take it without giving it. I provided my email when taking the test and all they’ve sent me so far is my results so I think it’s pretty safe to provide it. That said, you can get your results without doing so.

Here’s the test:

Related posts:

1. Book Review: The Five Love Languages
2. Learning to Love Online Dating
3. iPad Looks Great But I Still Love My Kindle

Related posts:

1. Introduction to Speed Dating
2. The Strangest Niche Dating Sites Around
3. The Worst Dating Site In The World

In some ways I believe these statistics aren’t going to tell the whole story as I believe the type of clientele will differ from service to service. As an example, this article I’m about to discuss shows how online dating drops off at older ages…at OKCupid. Sites like eHarmony have been seeing a boom in older age groups so I’m not sure the stats are universal. Still, they’re providing more information in a week than any other dating service provides in a year. In some ways, they’re writing the book on online dating statistics. Most articles I’ve seen in the last 6 months, whether it’s a major publication or a blog like mine, ends up pointing back to OKCupid.

The most recent article that caught my attention is A Case For An Older Woman. It’s a really long article but for anyone interested in dating statistics, it’s a great read. What the article points out is that as men grow older, they are more willing to date relatively younger women. I suspect most of us don’t need a chart to tell us this but here’s theirs anyway:

The article points out that men actually lie about the age range they’re willing to date. Men will concentrate on the low-bound of their age preferences and will actively contact women younger than their specified youngest preferable age. The desirability for women actually peaks at 21! Perhaps not shocking but it is young considering the age span dating at the site. The article then moves into its sales pitch on why men should be concentrating on dating older women arguing based on sex, attitude and looks. It then makes a pretty (no pun intended) good case by showing women of different ages in same attractiveness percentile.

I actually work with statistics for a living so I know you can make them say just about anything you want (hence my hesitation when dealing with OKCupid statistics, while at the same time loving that they provide said statistics). Even with that knowledge, I do think the article makes a good argument. One of the biggest self-imposed handicaps I see when talking to singles is that they refuse to contact all but a very small set of people. For men, this article makes a pretty good point that there is too much concentration on age and that if guys would just try talking to some different women they might be amazed at how much they would like those women.

Related posts:

1. Service for Dating Younger Men (or Older Women)
2. A Room Full Of Male Scientists Agree…
3. Men Get Stupid When Talking To Beautiful Women

1. Mention You’re Trying the Free Trial

One part that is difficult with any online dating service trial is that the people you contact don’t realize you may be gone soon. I would recommend briefly mentioning this in your profile, but in a way that works. Something like “I’ve always been interested in online dating and since I saw the free trial here, I thought I would try it for a few weeks”. This way, those who you contact realize there is an expiration date on how long you’ll be around to chat.

2. Contact All of Your Matches the First Day

This needs to happen sooner rather than later. Two weeks will fly by faster than you know it and life always has a habit of getting in the way of our personal lives. Don’t tell yourself that you’ll get around to contacting people tomorrow. In the case of a free trial, you just don’t have the time. I recommend contacting everyone and I took my own advice when I used eHarmony (which is a similarly structured service to Chemistry). If you know with 100% certainty that you would not want to date someone then skip them but if there is even a sliver of doubt, I say contact them. And yes, you should contact those without photos as well.

3. Try to Have Some Fun!

As you get new matches contact them as well. Don’t feel like you have to take things slowly. You can ask someone out once you’re far enough in the communication process to communicate freely. Meeting for coffee is a great way to safely meet someone and you’ll learn more about them in your first few minutes than in dozens of emails. Remember to enjoy yourself and not to see meeting people as your job or mission. Be open to the experiences that present themselves to you as you talk to more people.

4. Evaluate the Service

After not too long your time will run out on the service. Hopefully you’ve had a few dates and maybe even have a prospect for something more. Take this time to evaluate how you feel about the service. Did you enjoy it? Do you think you could have real success with it? How important to you is it to find a meaningful relationship? Many people are scared off by the price of online dating. Chemistry isn’t the cheapest service in the world by any means but you need to ask yourself how important is being in a relationship to you. How much money will you spend in other areas like going to a bar or a club when you’re really just doing so with the hope to meet someone? You may already be spending far more money trying to meet singles in a round-about way than you would if you were subscribing to a dating service.

Only you can answer these questions. If you hated the service or feel that a relationship isn’t necessary, then obviously you should move on. If on the other hand you enjoyed using the service and have no idea where your next date will come from if you stop using it, you need to do some serious contemplation as to the value this service could bring to your life.

5. Remember the Free Weekeneds!

Some services have free events from time to time and I always try to inform my readers these events for Chemistry or eHarmony (or rarely Lavalife). If you’ve tried the free trial and decided that it’s not for you, remember that when the free weekends occur you can log right back into your account. You won’t have to recreate your profile and you’ll likely even have gained some matches that you can now talk to. On the free weekend, just follow the rules laid out here. Yes, 3 days is much shorter than 14 but you’ll already have experience and you never know what could happen!

Related posts:

1. Is the Chemistry.com Free Trial Worth It?
2. Chemistry.com Free Weekend, September 2009
3. Chemistry.com Free Communication Weekend, December 2009