A couple of weeks ago, we heard about a coffee shop that recently popped up in town. It was open only on Fridays and Saturdays. We were curious and decided to check it out.

When we walked through the doorway, I saw what looked like an abandoned office space: cold and cracked concrete floors, sparse walls, and folding chairs. An espresso machine, coffee machine, and around two dozen mugs sat neatly on top of a couple of cheap tables.

Despite lacking the usual makings of a hip coffee shop, the place was packed, and the coffee was, as we had already assumed, fantastic.

The owners had a dream to open their own coffee shop. They didn’t wait for a permanent space. They didn’t wait until they could afford sturdy, handcrafted wood furniture. They didn’t sit idly by until the stars aligned. They stepped out, eager to test the waters, and the community loved them for it.

Do you put off pursuing your dreams until the timing seems just right? Do you say things like this?

I can’t run a marathon because I just don’t have the hours to train.

There’s no way I can pursue that business venture until I have $100,000 in start-up capital.

I want to record music, but I can’t because I don’t have access to a studio.

When you finally decide to make a small leap in the direction of your dreams, you:

• Find out if it’s something you truly want to pursue
• Learn about your market (if it’s a business)
• Better understand what will be necessary to succeed
• Gain momentum
• Garner support

You might be waiting for your stars to align when you actually have the ability to move the stars yourself.

Anyone can dream, but few will put in the work to see those dreams come to fruition. Dreams give an illusion of ambition without the discomfort of risks and effort. Dreams are safe in your head. That’s why few dreams ever see the light of day.

Here are eight tips on how to make the first steps toward your goals:

1. Start with a burning desire. I don’t think a burning desire is enough to succeed. However, it is a great place to start. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, had the right idea when he said, “The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat.”

2. Build the discipline to do what is difficult, what is scary, and what is risky. Working hard with no promise of being paid or starting to run when you can’t make it two blocks without gasping for air is not fun. But it’s the faithfulness in fulfilling the little uncomfortable things along the way that separate those who succeed and those who don’t. To learn more about discipline, you can read my post titled “Becoming a Disciplined Person.”

3. Surround yourself with doers. Jim Rohn’s popular saying “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” rings true here. If your friends are ambitious people of action who don’t make excuses, you’re likely to follow suit.

4. Start small. No matter what you’re setting out to do, I recommend starting with smaller goals and projects. This is important, because starting small will reveal whether it’s something you really want to follow through with, as well as because it’s easier to move toward a goal you set to achieve in a week rather than a decade.

5. Work with what you have. Like the coffee shop example, if all you have is folding chairs, at least people have a place to sit. If all you have is the music software that came with your computer and a cheap microphone, that’s enough to start recording and sharing your work.

6. Get feedback. Your goal is consistent education and improvement, not instant success. Listen to what others say to see how you can improve. Whether it means breathing better while you run or modifying the interface on your app, listen and listen well.

7. Realize that failure is inevitable. Whenever you start a new endeavor, you will fail. Your project may not crash and burn, but there will be small disappointments and failures along the way. You’re paving a new way for yourself; there will be bumps in the road. Reaching your goals will require learning, adapting, and not taking failure personally.

8. Dream better dreams. If your dreams don’t spur you forward, then they’re not worth keeping around. If you can’t get past the first tip in this list, it’s time to trade your old dreams in for some better ones.

Challenge:

It’s time to stop making excuses. You don’t have to wait until you quit your job to start that side business; work on the weekends. You don’t have to wait until your schedule opens up to train for that marathon; use those 30 minutes and train for a half marathon. Taking those first steps might be terrifying, but you won’t know until you try. Take that first step; success might just be on the other side.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect before you start pursuing your goals and dreams, because things will never be perfect! Just do it!

Many writers and sociologists have referred to the era in which we live as the “age of entitlement.” People’s expectations of life have never been higher; therefore, disappointments have never been greater. How can we avoid being entitled? How can we find the line between standing up for what we deserve and expecting too much?

The type of entitlement I will discuss in this lesson is defined as such: the belief that you deserve special treatment and privileges just for being you. This attitude is the antithesis of humility and the enemy of growth.

Entitled people:

• Are rude when they don’t get their way
• Expect others to do favors for them
• Assume they’ll be rewarded merely for participation
• Are often angry at their unmet and unspoken expectations of others
• Feel victimized when they are not treated as extraordinary
• Suffer chronic disappointment as a result of their expectations

People who seem entitled are likely to lose the respect of their peers, the patience of their leaders, and the accommodation of their friends.

Here are five ways to avoid entitlement:

1. Get to the heart of the issue. Look within. Do you believe that you are worth more than those around you? Do you think you deserve a prize just for being you? This isn’t meant to deter you from being confident; it’s meant to stop you from becoming prideful. Confidence is well founded in experience and excellence. Pride, on the other hand, is flimsy and unmerited. You are a wonderful creation, but that doesn’t mean you are inherently worth more than those around you.

2. Look to peers before asking favors of leadership. Before you ask for or expect something, be honest with yourself. Does the value that you are bringing truly match up with the rewards or income that you are expecting? Look to others who are offering similar value before you ask for special favors—but be careful not to use comparison as a foundation for entitlement (i.e., “John got X, so why didn’t I get X too?”).

3. Ask with humility. Whenever you ask anyone to go out of their way to do something for you, be conscious of how you posture yourself when you ask. If you come across as expectant, people will often hesitate to do you any favors. If you come across as humble and grateful, they are much more likely to respond with a willingness to help.

4. Respond to disappointments with grace. There will always be times when we don’t get what we want. Whether it’s witnessing a beloved project crash and burn or not being offered that well-deserved promotion, we will face failure and disappointments. When these issues arise, be careful how you respond and to whom you direct your criticism or negativity. If those around you think that you blame them for your personal failings, they will be much less likely to help you succeed in the future.

Look first at yourself and the ways that you can improve. If you still believe that others are at least partially to blame, make a point to communicate all future expectations to them without passing blame. Avoid becoming angry or bitter in the face of disappointment. This makes you look spoiled and childish and will cause others to lose respect for you.

5. Be grateful. Brené Brown, acclaimed author and life coach, once said, “The difference between privilege and entitlement is gratitude.” Whenever someone does something nice for you, your response should always be appreciation. Go the extra mile to show that you are grateful and honored by what others do for you.

Whether it’s giving advice on how to advance your career or picking up ice on the way to an event, never let a kind deed go without a “thank you.” Being grateful will make you a happier, more content person.

LTM Challenge

Look at your interactions with your coworkers, leaders, and even your friends. Do you sometimes feel as though you are not getting what is owed to you? Analyze the situation. Is this a result of an unhealthy relationship, where you’re not being seen or appreciated, or is it because of prideful expectations?

You reap what you sow. Before you expect a harvest, first look into the soil to ensure that what you’re sowing is adequate to achieve your goals.

Wanting others to know what they mean to you is great, but expressing it can be a challenge.

A few years ago, my wife wrote a lesson in which she detailed the importance of loving people according to what Dr. Gary Chapman referred to as their “primary love language.” In summary, we all give and receive love differently; to one person, a hug is enough to brighten a morning; to another, a surprise home-cooked meal is more meaningful than the shiniest jewelry.

I decided to add to her wisdom by providing a list of 15 simple and effective ways to love people according to the five love languages. If you are unsure how to identify someone’s primary love language, I encourage you to read Joy’s post—or have your friends and family take the online quiz.

Words of Affirmation

A well-timed compliment often has the power to make a words-of-affirmation person’s day. For them, the more specific, the better. They don’t merely need to know that they are amazing—they need to know why.

1. Scatter loving and encouraging notes across the house, in their car, or in their packed lunch.

2. Compile a list of 15-20 of your favorite things about them, and read it aloud.

3. Observe what they seem insecure about and point your affirmation in that direction.

Acts of Service

Nothing says “I love you” to people who value service like going out of your way to do something you don’t enjoy just because you care about them. Loving these people will vary depending on their circumstances, but here are some timeless ideas:

1. Wash their car. If possible, do so while they’re sleeping or otherwise preoccupied so their clean car will be a surprise.

2. Make their favorite meal when they least expect it.

3. Offer to run an errand for a busy or overwhelmed friend.

Gifts

For these people, a dozen red roses will certainly not suffice. They need to know that you put thought into a gift and that you were willing to go through the extra effort to pick something out just for them.

1.  For a spouse or an old friend, find a gift that is reminiscent of a particularly joyful time in your relationship (i.e., an old record that you listened to as teenagers, a piece of jewelry from where you went on a vacation or honeymoon, etc.).

2. Give little things throughout the day or week and at unexpected times. Many gifts, regardless of cost, are usually more meaningful for gift-oriented people than one large, expensive present.

3. For those who never stop talking about a certain band or TV show, consider buying them fan merchandise (t-shirt, mug, etc.). It will likely result in a good laugh and show that you listen and care about their interests.

Quality Time

This is the love language that can be easily whisked aside when life gets busy. It’s important to recognize that even if you only have 20 minutes to spend with someone, you can make it count.

1.  Make a lunch or breakfast “date” with your child or grandparent, and let them choose the place, even if it’s a place you don’t like.

2. Make spending time together a habit. Whether it means having a short coffee break with your husband every afternoon or lunch with your daughter every Thursday, regularly blocking out time is a great way to ensure these people feel loved and appreciated.

3. Give them your full attention when you’re together: ask pointed questions, put your phone down, and listen well.

Physical Touch

Loving these people often requires making simple and conscious choices throughout the day to ensure that they feel connected, even when it doesn’t come naturally to you.

1. Sit close to them when you’re watching a movie or TV show.

2. Give a foot or back massage (when appropriate, of course).

3. Hug them. This may seem simple, but even if you’re not a hugger, make a point to properly embrace those in your life who are.

My Challenge

Healthy relationships are essential to a meaningful life. Don’t let loving others take the back seat to your career and ambitions. Find a balance and a way to not just love, but to love well. I encourage you to discover the love language of those closest to you and start applying these tips.

Do you have any additional ideas or experiences on loving people according to their love language? Please share in the comments below.

The most important relationships in your life are with your family members and close friends.  Love these people the way they need to feel your love. 

The more time you spend outside your comfort zone, the larger your comfort zone becomes. As a result, you’ll feel comfortable in more environments. You’ll be able to reach further without feeling overwhelmed. Your income, job success, and relationships will all grow.

I believe that expanding your comfort zone in small ways sets you up for success when it’s time to make a big leap. Little changes help you get used to that small feeling of discomfort without pushing you into a place of panic. As you grow your comfort zone in small ways, you’ll develop the confidence and grit to change in big ways as well.

Here are 33 small ways to expand your comfort zone:

1.  Smile. Here’s an experiment: smile at everyone you see when you’re on your way to work or out running errands today. It may not make a difference, or it may make your day. Either way, you’ll practice putting yourself out there.

2.  Be friendly. Push yourself to smile and greet people with a warm greeting when you arrive at work. Say hello and ask those who serve you how they are doing. As you start being friendlier, not only will you feel better, but your relationships will improve.

3.  Give compliments. Going out of your way to say something nice to someone will make their day, as well as give you a chance to practice talking to people you may not know very well.

4.  Encourage people. If the thought of encouraging people makes you feel uneasy, then do it. It will lift their spirit and yours as well.

5.  Repair a relationship. There are few things more uncomfortable than sincerely saying “I’m sorry.” Do it anyway. You’ll relieve yourself of the burden of a fractured relationship and earn this person’s respect.

6.  Interact with different people. It’s easy to gravitate to the same people at work or at social events. Stretch yourself by striking up a conversation with someone you don’t usually talk to.

7.  Build a new relationship. Is there someone at your place of work, church, or social group that you would like to know better? Invite him or her to lunch and enjoy building a new relationship.

8.  Go on a date. If you’re not married, who would you enjoy getting to know better? Does the thought of asking this person out make your heart flutter? Do it today and who knows what may develop.

9.  Join a dating site. If you are not married, why not put yourself out there? You may find the love of your life. My brother met his wife through eharmony.com and they are perfect for each other.

10.  Do some “out of character” shopping. Is there a type of store that would make you feel uncomfortable walking into? Go ahead and push yourself to do it.

11.  Ask for a review. If your place of work does not have a regular schedule for reviews and you believe you are bringing more value than you are being paid, then ask your boss for a private meeting and discuss your current role, what your boss feels you can do better, and if appropriate, ask for a raise.

12.  Prospect. If you are an entrepreneur or salesperson, what person or place of business would be your ideal new customer? Make the call today and you will feel great.

13.  Volunteer to lead a project. Look for projects where you work, worship, or volunteer that you can lead up. Taking on a new leadership role will certainly stretch you.

14.  Apply for a new job. Are you happy where you are currently employed? If not, consider what you feel would be a job you would love and start making calls to prospective employers.

15.  Call someone. If you prefer communicating with others by text, email, or through social sites because it’s more comfortable, then shake things up by calling people occasionally.

16.  Talk to people you don’t know. Does talking to people you don’t know make you uncomfortable? If so, look for opportunities to talk to new people, even if it’s smiling and saying hi to someone at the grocery store, gym, or coffee shop.

17.  Try a new food. Did you hate a certain food when you were young? Does the thought of eating sushi make you gag? Give it a try! At worst, you’ll have an unpleasant meal. At best, you’ll have a larger comfort zone and a new favorite food.

18.  Get lost. Being lost is an uncomfortable feeling. That’s why it’s a great way to expand your comfort zone. Pack a map of your surrounding area and a mug of coffee, then go get lost.

19.  Join a new group. Joining a new group, whether it’s an exercise class, a volunteer organization, or a religious group, is uncomfortable. It often takes a while to become a part of the group, which gives you a chance to practice feeling comfortable when you’re surrounded by people you don’t know.

20.  Exercise. Maybe you’re nervous about trying out a new piece of equipment at the gym. Maybe you’re nervous about joining a gym altogether. Maybe you’re even nervous to have someone see you jogging down the street. Accept those nerves and get out and exercise anyway. Not only will your comfort zone grow, but you’ll look and feel better too.

21.  Go someplace by yourself. Does the idea of sitting alone in a movie theater or a restaurant give you a flutter in your stomach? Then that’s exactly what you should do. Going someplace by yourself is a safe way to practice feeling uncomfortable. Once you move past the initial unease, you may even find you enjoy your movie or meal more without any distractions.

22.  Be quiet. Take a break from music, television, conversation, and even your own voice. Sit quietly for a while with your thoughts. For many people, this alone is a huge step outside their comfort zone.

23.  Speak up. If you tend to sit quietly in meetings or act as a listener in conversations, make a point to speak up. Practice contributing when you’re conversing with people you know and trust, and you’ll have less of a leap to make when it’s time to say something in an uncomfortable environment.

24.  Try a new hobby or sport. Being bad at something is uncomfortable, but it’s a part of every learning process. Learn how to accept this fact by practicing something new. What new sport or hobby would you like to learn? Why not get started today?

25.  Join in on karaoke night. Depending on your singing ability, joining in on karaoke may be more uncomfortable for the people around you than for you! But whether you’re the next Adele or can’t get close to carrying a tune, taking the stage is a great way to expand your comfort zone.

26.  Join a speaking group. Does the thought of giving a presentation make you want to curl up and hide? Work on growing your comfort zone in this area before being called upon to give a speech. Join a group like the Rotary Club that lets you practice public speaking in an encouraging and supportive environment. With enough time, speaking in public may come to be squarely in your comfort zone.

27.  Delegate. Many people feel overscheduled and overworked because they don’t feel comfortable trusting someone else to do something for them. If this sounds like you, try to delegate small tasks whenever there’s someone willing to do them. Becoming comfortable with this skill opens up your ability to focus on other areas of your life and improves your ability to succeed.

28.  Do something thrilling. Ride a roller coaster. Go bungee jumping. Climb a mountain. Give skydiving a try. Do something you’ve never tried before that gives you a nervous thrill.

29.  Take a day offline. Constantly checking your email and your phone can become like a pacifier. It feels comforting at the moment, but the constant distraction can sabotage your productivity, your relationships, and even your emotional well-being. Disconnect from it all for one day a week.

30.  Explore a new area. Take a break from your usual haunts and give a new neighborhood or city a try. Try a new restaurant, visit an unfamiliar stylist or spa, or join in on a worship service or community event.

31.  Break a routine or habit. It’s comfortable to do the same things the same way every day. Changing up your routines makes it easier to work with the unexpected.

32.  Have fun in a new way. Making a change is always easier when you’re having a bit of fun. Try a new activity on your day off to stretch your comfort zone in an enjoyable way.

33.  Grow your knowledge of an uncomfortable subject. Many times the things we are most nervous about are the things we don’t understand. If there is a certain situation or area that constantly makes you feel uncomfortable, learn more about it.

These are just 33 of the hundreds of options available to expand your comfort zone.

Here’s my challenge to you: when you find yourself in situations where one option would push you outside your comfort zone and the second option is what you would normally do, challenge yourself to choose the option that expands your comfort zone and do it immediately without further thought.

Each time you choose the uncomfortable option, your comfort zone will grow, new opportunities will present themselves, and you will feel great about the person you are becoming.

When you start doing the small things to expand your comfort zone, the things that frighten you today will be conquerable tomorrow.

My life experience tells me that very few people achieve their goals. Whether their goal is to lose weight, reduce debt, increase income, build a side business, or accomplish some other challenge, it doesn’t matter. Most people do not achieve their goals.

Do you know the worst part? Each time you set a goal and fail to achieve it, the negative experience damages your self-esteem and self-confidence. After all, how can failing to achieve an important goal not negatively affect you?  You can tell yourself it’s no big deal, but deep down inside you know the truth.

When people continually fail to achieve their goals, they stop dreaming and no longer believe they can achieve anything worthwhile. Then, like millions of other people, they aimlessly drift through life until they die.

I firmly believe that you can achieve any goal that is truly important to you. You just need to learn the keys to setting and achieving goals and then use your discipline to achieve them.

10 Keys to Setting and Achieving BIG Goals

There are very few things that will have a more positive influence on how you see yourself than when you set big goals, refuse to make excuses, and achieve them.

My mentor, Jim Rohn, said, “After you become a millionaire, you can give all of your money away because what’s important is not the million dollars; what’s important is the person you have become in the process of becoming a millionaire.”

You can achieve every goal that is important to you and live the life of your dreams. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Yes. Step out from the crowd and build a life that makes you proud.

In reviewing this list, I selected what I believe to be the 10 most valuable human attributes. These are the 10 things that can have the greatest impact on your career advancements and earnings and are not listed in any specific order.

To learn more about any of the points, simply click the link to read more.

When you focus on doing the things that increase your income, not only will doors of opportunity open, but more importantly, your self-respect will grow and you will be proud of the person you see in the mirror.  

One of life’s greatest tragedies is when people fall short of their potential because of self-limiting or imprisoning beliefs. These are negative statements you’ve said to yourself and repeated so many times you believe they are true.

Examples include such statements as:

I can’t do that because… (something negative)

I can’t be that way because… (something negative)

I will always be…(something negative)

I will never be promoted because… (something negative)

My needs aren’t important because… (something negative)

There’s something wrong with me because… (something negative)

Limiting beliefs are those that limit you or hold you back, while imprisoning beliefs are those that can be destructive to your life and overall well-being.

These types of beliefs are caused by a variety of factors. Previous mistakes or failures, a continual focus on faults and weaknesses, and surrounding yourself with negative people can create a breeding ground for developing these destructive beliefs.

Once the seed of a limiting or imprisoning belief is planted in the mind, it’s generally fertilized with negative self-talk. Your self-talk is the internal dialogue you have with yourself. When it gets really negative, you say things like “I can’t do anything right,” “I could never do that,” “I will never find the right mate for me,” or some other negative statement.

Changing the conversation

When I started my real estate career at age 23, I remember saying negative things to myself such as, “I am too young. Look at me; I look like I’m 18 years old. Why would any seller select me over a more experienced Realtor?”  These thoughts haunted me every time I went to an appointment. I believed these statements to be true; after all, I was too young.

I then listened to an audiobook by Anthony Robbins titled Unlimited Power. In this book, Tony talked about limiting beliefs and how to overcome them. What I learned changed my life, because it changed the conversations I had with myself.

I vowed to never again say anything that would limit me, unless it was a physically-limiting truth, such as “I can’t swim around the world.” I then created positive statements for each of my limiting beliefs.

I then went on to sell more than 60 homes in my first year and earned more than $250,000. This lesson taught me to NEVER allow myself to say negative things that would limit who I can become or what I can achieve.

Are you ready to be set free from your limiting and imprisoning beliefs?

If you want to be set free from beliefs that are having a negative influence on your life and holding you back from being who you want to be and achieving your goals, follow these three steps:

1. Identify your limiting or imprisoning beliefs. To help you, make a list of your answers to these questions:

• Do I believe I can be one of the top achievers in my chosen career? If not, list the reasons.
• When I look at my life, what do I believe can’t be changed?
• Do I believe I can save enough money to become financially independent? If not, list the reasons.
• Do I believe I can lose weight and achieve my ideal body? If not, list the reasons.
• What are the fears that could be holding me back?
• Do I believe I can find the perfect person with whom to spend the rest of my life? If not, list the reasons.
• What negative things are going on in my life that I don’t believe will change?
• Do I believe I am too busy, too tired, too heavy, etc., to do something that I would love to do?
• Do I believe I can enjoy an amazing marriage with my spouse? If not, list the reasons.
• Do I believe my race, age, or gender is limiting me? If so, list the reasons.
• Do I believe I can get straight A’s in school? If not, list the reasons.
• Do I believe there is something wrong with me? If so, list the things you think are wrong with you.
• Do I believe I can have a great relationship with my children or parents? If not, list the reasons.
• When I look at my future, what do I see? List the negative things that you see.
• What other questions should I ask myself to identify more limiting or imprisoning beliefs?

As you answer these questions, be honest with yourself and list everything that comes to your mind.

2. Challenge your beliefs. This is when you determine if your belief is indeed a fact of truth or a limiting or imprisoning belief.

Go over your list one point at a time. Put “me” next to all the points that are negative beliefs about yourself as a person and put “do” next to all the things you don’t believe you are capable of doing.

Then go back over each of the points you’ve identified with “me” and ask yourself, “Is this something that is truly wrong with me, or have I come to believe this is true because…?”  Put TRUE or FALSE next to each point. Your goal is to go through your list, be 100% honest with yourself, and determine which of your beliefs are true or false.

Now go over the remaining points with “do” next to them and ask yourself, “If I was paid one million dollars, could I figure out a way to do it?” If it’s something that would be impossible to do, even if you were given one million dollars, put TRUE.  If you could figure out a way to do it if you were paid one million dollars, put FALSE.

3. Set yourself free. To be set free from these types of limiting beliefs, you must first have the desire to be set free, and then you must reprogram your brain by changing the conversations you’re having about yourself and your abilities.

The most effective process I’ve learned and used throughout my life for overcoming a limiting thought or belief is through positive self-talk and affirmations.

Go over your list and next to each point with “False” next to it, write a positive statement.  Here are some examples:

• If you wrote down on your “me” list that you are too young to do something, write, “I am young and full of energy. I will look for ways to use my youth as an advantage to achieve my goals.”

• If you listed on your “do” list that you can’t prospect because you fear rejection, write, “I will treat everyone with the utmost respect and present myself and my services in the most professional manner possible. Just as 100% of people don’t like chocolate ice cream, I understand that not everyone is going to choose my services. I will prospect with confidence daily and when I get turned down, I will consider what I could have done better and continue to improve each day.”

Rather than having negative, self-defeating conversations, your goal is to have positive, life-building conversations.

If you would like to be set free from negative thoughts and emotions and live a life free of self-destructive beliefs, write a positive statement after each of the points you listed. When you are done, read this list of positive statements aloud every morning and evening with passion and belief.

If you say these positive statements each day, you will begin to believe them. Over time, you will reprogram your mind with new, positive beliefs and begin to believe you can do anything.

Protect your new beliefs from negative influences

In addition to reading your positive statements each day, start filling your mind with positive thoughts that will make your life better and distance yourself from negative people. Read books on personal and professional development. Remember, for your life to get better, you must get better.

If there are people in your life who are saying destructive things about you, you have two options. If possible, have a conversation with them. Tell them how their negative words are impacting your feelings towards them and ask that they stop saying destructive things. If a conversation isn’t possible or profitable, simply distance yourself from these people.

If there is something that you’ve been struggling with for a long time, perhaps a painful experience from the past, I encourage you to go to counseling and get the healing you need.

You can live a happy, healthy, and successful life if you focus on your positive attributes and the things you can do.

Thirty years ago, when I married my wife Joy, she said one of the first things she was going to teach her children is that life is not fair. Like many children coming from broken homes, she grew up in an unhealthy environment and life wasn’t fair.

Why do some people get all the breaks?

On a recent trip, I was reading the manuscript for John Addison’s new book, Real Leadership. John shares his story of how he went from a young, confused high school graduate working an entry-level position at a life insurance company to becoming the Co-CEO of Primerica, one of America’s top life insurance companies.

As he shared his story, he talked about how he never seemed to know what his future would look like. When he graduated high school, he had no idea what he would do for a living and still didn’t know after college. 

He said he just focused on being a better person every day, a lesson his mom taught him, and making good decisions.

Here’s exactly what he said:

“I believe one of the great keys to a successful life is incremental improvement. It’s not about going from where you are today to moving into a mansion with five swimming pools tomorrow. It’s not about ‘quantum leaps’ or the big, dramatic breakthrough. Those are great for Hollywood films, where the filmmaker has only two hours to get the hero from Point A to Point Z.

But back here in reality, where life’s major changes and plot points are measured in years rather than minutes, it’s about day-by-day personal improvement, finding your pathway, one step at a time, to where you want to go. Exciting? No. Dramatic? Hardly. But it does have the advantage of being ‘real’—and over time it can indeed lead to events both dramatic and exciting.

And there’s the rub: time.

Incremental improvement doesn’t happen automatically, and it sure doesn’t happen swiftly. You have to commit to it over a lengthy period of time, and that takes a certain amount of character and spine.

A lot of people try to short-circuit the process by jumping around, zigging and zagging through life. They’re too impatient, too unfocused, or too willing to follow the next shiny new idea that comes along. Tapping into the great power of incremental improvement takes patience, persistence, and faith. The payoff is well more than worth it.”

While reading John’s book, I began reflecting on my life, my wife’s life, and the lives of those who have life’s winds blowing at their backs. I realized there was one common thread woven through all these lives: they are lived by humble people who are trying to get better every day.

How to start getting all the breaks?

No matter what you’re going through or how bad things have been, today can mark the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

You don’t need to know where you are going or what your life will look like 10 years from now. All you need to do is commit to getting better every day.

Here’s who John Addison said gets the breaks:

“The shaping events in your life, those moments that in hindsight prove to be crucial turning points, are often events that just seem to happen, out of the blue, the chance confluence of unpredictable circumstances. But the truth is, they don’t ‘just happen.’ Most times, they happen because you’re taking action in the direction of your why. You may not be able to plan the results, but that’s okay: If you keep moving forward, focusing on incremental improvement, you’ll put yourself in their path.

This is one of the most deceptively simple leadership secrets there is: keep moving forward. People won’t follow you if you’re sitting in the corner sucking your thumb and talking about how bad things are. They’ll only follow you if you’re going somewhere.”

The process begins with our decisions.

While there will always be exceptions, in large part, our lives are a reflection of our decisions.  My mentor, Jim Rohn, said, “Success comes from a series of good decisions made over time, while failure comes from a series of poor decisions made over time.”

If we want to improve our lives, we must improve our decisions.  It’s really that simple. 

Every day, we make hundreds of little decisions, each influencing one or more areas of our lives. The good news is you know the right answer to 99% of those decisions. The bad news is most of them don’t bring immediate pleasure or rewards.

When you start making decisions to eat the foods you should and avoid those you shouldn’t, you will become healthier.

When you start exercising regularly because you know you should, you will have more energy, lose weight, and feel better about yourself.

When you start bringing more value to your place of work than you are being paid, new doors of opportunity will open.

When you start doing the little things to be a better spouse, your marriage will grow.

When you start focusing on the ways you can become a better parent, your relationship with your children will blossom. 

When you start becoming a more responsible person, people’s respect for you will grow.

While I can’t guarantee many things, I can guarantee you this: if you focus on getting better EVERY day, life’s winds will begin blowing at your back. 

Like everyone, you will face rough seas as you navigate through life, but if you build your life on a foundation of humility, character, and personal growth, you will survive life’s storms as a stronger person.

Start today

Let me challenge you to start being intentional about doing the little things each day that you know you should do, especially those you don’t want to do. 

Each time you do something you would not have done previously, pat yourself on the back.  Don’t look to others to congratulate you on your good decisions; instead, congratulate yourself.  It’s your life!

As you continue to push yourself each day to get better, your self-confidence will begin to grow. As you start feeling better about the person you are becoming, you will be even more motivated to continue growing and getting better.

Life’s greatest rewards don’t go to those who are lucky. They go to those who have paid the price over many years.

Over the last 25 years, I have given more than 1000 presentations to groups as large as 50,000 people. During this time, I have become a student of public speaking and hope you can benefit from some of the things I’ve learned when giving your next presentation.

1. Prepare – The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you will be come presentation time. Before I gave my first presentation, I scripted out what I wanted to say word for word and memorized it. I then practiced in front of my video camera. While you may not need to take your preparation to that extreme, if you want to influence people with your presentation, make sure you are prepared.    

2. Dress Appropriately – Just as someone forms an opinion of a website in less than one second, they will also form an opinion of you in less than a second. If you want them to take your message seriously, they need to take you seriously. While I hate wearing suits and ties, when I speak, I almost always wear a suit and tie.

3. Come Early – Arriving early reduces stress, allows you to become familiar with your surroundings, and gives you time to get set up without rushing.  If you will be using a microphone, make sure it’s working and has a fresh battery if it’s wireless. If you are using a Keynote or PowerPoint presentation, make sure the remote is working and that your slides are being displayed correctly.

4. Use Visuals – I have found that using visual aids such as a PowerPoint or Keynote presentation helps. Not only do attractive slides help your audience absorb your message, but they also help you stay on track. 

5. Make Sure Your Visuals Are Readable– Be sure the fonts and images used are large enough that the people in the back of the room can easily see them. Throughout my career, I have found that 80% of the people who use visuals don’t take into consideration that people will need to read them in the back of the room. Not only does this reflect poorly on the speaker, but it undermines their ability to connect with their audience.

6. Give the Person Introducing You Instructions – The person introducing you should have a short script or bullet points of what to say when introducing you. The goal is for this person to establish you as an authority on your subject.

7. Open With a Smile – I always open my presentations with a smile and warm welcome.  When I do this I see people smiling back and beginning to connect with me. Try it and you will see what I mean.

8. Connect Emotionally – As you open your presentation, be warm and gracious and look for ways to emotionally connect with your audience. Help them feel the need for what you are offering.

9. Be Humble and Authentic – For some reason, when people stand up and start speaking, their egos grow like Pinocchio’s nose. If you want people to like you, respect you, and connect with you, be authentic and stay humble.

10. Stay on Time – Part of earning people’s respect as a presenter is making sure you are prepared to deliver your message in the time allowed. If you are giving a one-hour presentation, know where you want to be 15, 30, and 45 minutes into your presentation. If you see you are running behind at any of these points, then adjust to get yourself back on track.  Rushing to finish makes you look like you weren’t prepared.

11. Make Eye Contact – If you want people to connect with you and your message, they need to feel included. That’s best done by making eye contact. If you are talking to a small group, look at each person for one or two sentences. If you are talking to a large group, look at each section of people for one or two sentences. Try to keep eye contact with each person or section until you complete your sentence and then transition your eyes to another person or section of the room.

12. Walk Side to Side but Never Backwards – When you are speaking, be sure to walk from one side of the stage or room to the other as you include people from both sides. You should also avoid walking backwards while you are talking or people may feel a disconnection.

13. Be Clear – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in a room listening to someone and been completely lost or struggling to try to figure out what they are trying to say. Make sure you are speaking with crystal-clear clarity and never use jargon, acronyms, and slang that people may not understand.

14. Provide an Overview and Summarize – Give people an overview at the beginning as to what you will be sharing and then summarize what you’ve said when concluding your presentation. I always look to do this in a creative way, so the audience does not realize what I am doing.

15. Learn From Every Experience – Your goal should be to improve with each presentation you give. The best way to improve is to videotape your presentation. You will be amazed at what you see that you had no idea you were doing. If you can’t videotape yourself, at least audio record your presentation.

If you will implement these 15 tips when giving your next presentation, you will earn people’s respect and have influence with your audience. To learn how to structure your presentations, read my post titled 10 Key Elements of a Persuasive Presentation.

Do you have tips you would like to share from your presentations?  If so, share them below this post.

The most important element of speaking in front of a group of people is to be prepared.

A real leader is not someone who only leads people under his or her position; it’s someone who leads everyone around them. This is referred to as 360-degree leadership.

If you are a salesperson, it’s leading your customers, colleagues, service people, and suppliers. If you are a rising employee, it’s leading your bosses and co-workers.

What is Leadership?

Leadership expert Ken Blanchard said, “The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.” He’s not alone in his thinking. John Maxwell, who has written more best-selling books on leadership than any other author, said: “Leadership is one word, influence.“

Since writing my last lesson 3 years ago, I have spent more time learning about and watching leadership in action than at any point in my life. It has become clear to me that leadership is one word: influence; and the way to become a person of influence is two words: respect and likability.

If you want to be a person of influence, then people must like and respect you. If you want influence at home, your spouse and children must like and respect you. If you want influence at work, the people you work with must like and respect you.

Very few things will improve your value, self-esteem, and personal relationships more than doing the little things that positively impact how people feel about you.

Becoming Likable – It’s Not What You Think

Let’s start with being clear as to what defines “likability.” So often people think to be likable, they need to do things such as kissing butt, being extra cheerful, or other disingenuous (fake) things to “get” people to like them.

When people “try” to be liked, it actually hurts them. Not only does it hurt them because people can intuitively sense their lack of genuineness, but it also hurts their self-esteem, because they are not living with integrity. (I know a lot of adults living in depression for this very reason.)

Here are the correct definitions of likability:

• Easy to like
• Having pleasant or appealing qualities
• Being friendly
• Having qualities that bring out a favorable regard
• Being pleasant

If you question the importance of being likable to have influence, are you drawn to likable people? When given a choice between two equal candidates for a position, would you choose the person you like more? When hiring a painting contractor, Realtor, or insurance agent, are you more likely to select the person you like most?

Becoming Respected – It’s More Than You Think

Every day you are sending hundreds of messages out to the world that play a role in how people see you and feel about you. Take a simple email as an example. Here are a few factors that people intuitively notice that impact your personal brand in their minds:

• How soon it is returned
• Did you address them by name?
• Were you friendly?
• Did you proof your email?
• Was it properly formatted?
• Was it clear and to the point?
• The overall tone of the email

Every interaction you have with people has multiple components, each impacting how others feel about you. If you are meeting people in a business setting, here are just a few of the factors people immediately notice:

• Were you on time?
• Your appearance
• How you greeted them
• Were you friendly?
• Did you remember their name?
• Did you show an interest in them?
• Were you prepared?
• The clarity and tone with which you speak
• Do you value the opinions of others?
• Do you listen without interrupting?
• Is your attention diverted to your mobile device?

There are hundreds of little things you do each day that play a role in how people see you and feel about you which ultimately impacts the level of respect they have for you. If you don’t feel liked or respected by someone, there’s a 99% chance you’ve given him or her reason to feel that way about you.

My Challenge

Rather than looking at the little things you should and shouldn’t be doing, focus on the person you want to become. Examples include:

• If you are a responsible person, you won’t need to focus on being on time or making sure you are prepared because it’s who you are.
• If you take pride in your written communications, you won’t need to make sure your emails are properly formatted and proofed, because that will happen automatically.
• If you are a person who genuinely cares about others, you won’t have to be intentional about showing an interest in people because it’s what you do anyway.
• If you are a person of integrity, you won’t need to do things to show you can be trusted because people won’t question your integrity.

If you want to be a leader and person of influence, then focus on the person you need to become to be viewed in that regard. Starting today, become the person you need to be so you can be the leader you want to be.

To lead people, you must be a person of influence. To be a person of influence, you must be someone people like and respect.