The Refrigerator Door

Books Read in 2013

2013-12-23T16:42:11Z

I love having a time at the end of each year to review certain little accomplishments...

I read these books in 2013

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The Pearl by John Steinbeck: Powerful. And such a different 'message' than we get any more in America. We're all about the grasping. We believe that having ambition, seeking out ways to get ahead and rise out of your circumstances--ESPECIALLY if your circumstances are impoverished--is nothing but good. So interesting to find a story that suggests you're much better off appreciating your place.A Chosen Faith by Forrest Church and John Buehrens: Sort of a primer in Unitarian Universalist thinking, and helped me gain a foundation in my new faith tradition. (What an odd concept: New faith tradition.") I shared this book with my brother, who also read it but still struggles with the idea that faith could mean anything other than believing in nonsense.

The Approachable Manager by Scott Ginsberg: A short book that was really too long. Scott has some very good ideas buried in a sea of too much blah blah blah. The lists of questions have a handful of questions that are really useful. The rest are just "are we done yet?"

Hard Eight by Janet Evanovich: This was an experiment. I'd completed a handful of Sudoku books in a particular room of the house, a little bit at a time, and when I felt done with Sudoku I thought, well, couldn't I use that time similarly but with a different kind of book? Something entertaining? Enter Janet Evanovich.

An important innovation turned out to be the humble bookmark... something with a picture on just one side. So I could read just one page of text and then flip the bookmark so the picture would face the page I was ready to read. Clever!

(It worked well with Steinbeck and Ginsberg. Didn't make Sartre any more readable, though.)

Our Iceberg Is Melting by John Kotter: Useful, although it took a lot of discipline to finish even this tiny book. To support my learning, I wrote up the 8 steps on a sheet of flipchart paper and pasted to it copies of pictures from the book. That has helped me learn.

Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox: Touching, funny, and moving in many ways. Sharable.

Start Where You Are by Pema Chodron: Teachings that are simple, not easy. I have lots of room for learning and practicing them.

E-books

A Stolen Life by Jaycee DuGard: Ironically finished the same week as the three women were freed in Cleveland after being held captive for over a decade.

Jaycee's book was difficult to read. A life that was hard to stay with. Naturally, she had absolutely no sense of perspective. But, after taking a break from it for a year, I came back when I was ready to hear the rest of her story. Still, it's a book I'm glad I don't have to read again, and a life I am so grateful Jaycee doesn't have to live any more.

The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute: One of the most influential books I'll ever read. Practicing the principles in this book has fundamentally changed my approach to relationship with others.

Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath: A hearty collection of ideas and strategies for making long-lasting change and communicating with folks who are experiencing change. These aren't all intuitive, but I definitely can recall the basics of directing the 'rider,' doing something with the elephant (motivate, reassure?), and shaping the path...

Safe Word: An Erotic S/M Novel by Molly Weatherfield: *shrug* -- Ponies really aren't to my taste...

One Day It'll All Make Sense by Adam Bradley and Common: Good, though disappointing. I kept feeling like he was setting up a great insight only to never actually have or describe the insight. It wound up being just a way of walking a mile in someone else's shoes, so for that it was okay.

The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon: Who knew there was so much Yiddish I didn't know yet? Reading this as an e-book was a mistake. I needed the print version with a glossary I could flip to easily. I didn't even know the glossary existed until I was done. Still, this is a writer whose prose I will always admire. He writes sentences I want to memorize, passages that satisfy like the first swallow of a good malty beer. Some examples:
- there was always a shortfall, wasn’t there? Between the match that the Holy One, blessed be He, envisioned and the reality of the situation under the chuppah. Between commandment and observance, heaven and earth, husband and wife, Zion and Jew. They called that shortfall “the world.” Only when Messiah came would the breach be closed, all separations, distinctions, and distances collapsed. Until then, thanks be unto His Name, sparks, bright sparks, might leap across the gap, as between electric poles. And we must be grateful for their momentary light.
- Landsman feels a numbness enter his limbs, a welcome numbness, a sense of doom that is indistinguishable from peacefulness, like the bite of a predator snake that prefers to swallow its victims alive and tranquil.
- The waitresses are renowned for their advanced age, ill humor, and physical resemblance to the cabs of long-haul trucks.
- ...a day haunted by the memory of the sun.
- Landsman crouches by the cot for another minute or so, collecting himself like a beggar chasing scattered dimes along the sidewalk.
- His jaws snap together, making each tooth ring out with its own pure tone as the impact of his ass against the ground conducts its Newtonian business with the rest of his skeleton.
- Anger opens a seam in Cashdollar’s placid gaze, through which you can see the banished shades of monsters and aversions.
- He feels that he suffers from tinnitus of the soul.
Those quotes also give a pretty good feel for the story's atmosphere: damp and cold.

The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen: This is the first book in a trilogy, but I don't feel terribly inclined to finish the trilogy since this one set up a question and satisfied it as much as I want or need. Good enough, but was slow going for a YA adventure.

The Story of Doris by Doris Watson. My mother wrote her life story, prompted by encouragements from my cousins. The best part of this is that she included at least one story I had never heard before. She was trying to make a point to my niece about how important and possible it is to say "no" to a man who is not a good influence in your life. I'd never heard this story before because it was essentially the story of an affair she'd had with a married man, and I'm confident she didn't want anyone to know about it even though she called a stop to it. She hadn't included any details in this written story, of course -- just that there was a man she "felt like she was in love with" but when she prayed about it, came to the conclusion that he wasn't good for her and thus broke it off. When I pressed her about it, she finally admitted that it was because he was married. I admit that I savored this, as do all who are in lesser positions of power when they find out those more powerful beings around them are human after all.

The Brain and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman: A great review of the neuroscientific basis for what I have to talk with people about through the course of my work. I appreciated the studies described and what we've learned from them. Some examples:
- an observation made by Frans de Waal, a scientist who studies primate behavior at the Yerkes National Primate Center in Atlanta. He’s found that when a chimp sees another chimp in distress – either from an injury or a loss of social status – the first chimp mimics the behavior of the distressed chimp, a primal form of empathy. Many chimps will then go over and give some solace to the upset chimp, for example, stroking it to help it calm down. Female chimps offer this kind of solace more often than male chimps do – with one intriguing exception: the alpha males, who are the troupe leaders, give solace even more often than do female chimps. One of the basic functions of a leader, it seems, is to offer appropriate emotional support.
- If we are changing a habit – say trying to get better at listening – then that circuitry will grow accordingly. On the other hand, when we try to overcome a bad habit, we’re up against the thickness of the circuitry for something we’ve practiced and repeated thousands of times.

The Finkler Question by Howard Jacobson: This was a big year for books about Jews' experience of diaspora. I selected this one because it had won the Man Booker Prize, and then borrowed the book from the library. It was good and complex, though I don't recall it being as quotable as Yiddish Policeman's Union. The biggest value for me was in seeing the experience of Jewish Diaspora from the perspective of British Jews... very different than (from my perspective) American Jews would have.

The Other Bolyn Girl by Philippa Gregory: Well-written, though the amount of sexual activity made it hard to take seriously from time to time. Still, it introduced me to the "characters" well enough to trigger a strong interest in the Tudor dynasty. I've been watching Showtime's The Tudors since then, and even picked up a nonfiction book about Henry VIII's royal heirs...

harvest of Worship Cafe--First UU Columbus, July 7 2013

2013-07-07T18:09:36Z

For church this morning, we offered two readings (one from Walk Out Walk On by Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze and one from Pema Chodron) and then, with the congregation divided into groups of 3-4, gave them ten minutes to discuss two reflection questions related to the readings:

First, we asked:

What have your experiences been with seeing beauty, growing, and practicing justice in places where life is hard?

And they offered in response...

-There can be joy and growth without justice - injustice is the seed for a hard life
-Joy was my son's birth 9/03/83. Growth is coming as I learn to hear my son communicate with me in my dreams after his sudden death 12/27/12.
-My experience is that one needs a great deal of patience as well as love and that sometimes progress is slow.
-Our impact on one another's livelihoods and ability to simply live.
-When life threatened it causes a different perspective on life (growth) and causes one to find more joy in life (for example - early retirement)
-As a privileged white male I don't know too well what it's like in places where life is hard.
-Thinking of the the homeless man who is living in his car on my street--When I talk with him I see joy.
-Hardship strengthens community.
-Being laid off and keeping positive while looking for another job
-Hardship is an opportunity for spiritual growth
-Even with rough financial situation having two wonderful boys made life joyful.
-Moving to a new apartment that isn't ready--Finding joy in location
-Where there is sorrow there is joy
-Keep focused on moving forward
-Small gifts have great value.
-Embracing empathy and perspective--creating happiness from what you have when you have less to work with and are in danger of not getting through.
-Growth hurts
-We experience joy and community and personal growth along with the recognition that we're not alone in surviving breakups and hardships: sharing secrets--expressing grief--and helping others with their burdens
-When we can channel our difficulties and challenges into the arts--truly expressing our frustrations and hopes to ourselves and others--we not only change ourselves but we change our world.
-We experienced both receiving and being community and found joy in it.
-Joy can be found in community such as Unitarian Universalism.
-As an inner city middle school teacher I see that many of the students feel there is no justice.
-Acceptance is freeing
-resilience
-Creating social justice can be hard because there are a lot of opportunities out there. It is important to start small.
-Incredible outpouring of support during personal crisis--church can be place of support.
-Attitude is critical to see the silver lining in difficult situations
-My experience with justice in places like Mineral Ohio has been one of struggle and slow change--but change is occurring
-Joy accompanies growth. Personal support needed
-A busnapping in Rio ending in death of perp and victim--A documentary resulted in changing approach to the poor.
-Justice is sometimes slow: schools can provide even in challenging spots--joy

Then we asked...

What does it take to bring joy into places where life is hard?

And their responses created this neat little Word cloud...

-Bring ur own joy into the community
-Ur own joy is contagious
-Perseverance
-Be present
-Jobs
-Patience
-Patience
-Work on yourself first
-Be able to give our possessions, time, attention
-Be present to what the other needs, instead of making assumptions
-Laugh randomly
-Attitude: being around those who love and support you, reaching out. Sometimes it's not easy-- but helping
-Be a role model in finding joy in what u have now
-Witness & acknowledge others' pain
-Chocolate, Having choices, Having control
-Perseverance, creativity, empathy.....
-Just smile and say hello
-Acknowledging another's humanity
-Humor :)
-Stay in the present
-Active participation in the community
-Building relationships
-guerilla gardening
-Acceptance (of the people, not the situation) and empathy.
-Willingness, desire, acceptance, belief.
-be open-hearted, available, safe to others
-Be joyful
-Being there
-Understanding
-Being present is a strong theme in bringing joy. Count your blessings Having a positive attitude is key to joy Eat a piece of fudge!
-Express your own needs
-Joy was my sons birth 9/03 1983. Growth is coming as I lear to hear my son communicate with me in my dreams after his sudden death 12/27 2012
-Break down barriers, be the first to approach
-Be humble, share own pain and failures
-Listening and observing actual need
-Perseverance and work with positive leaders in community
-Action in whatever way possible; moving out of oneself and being engaged with the person
-Humor
-Find a focus and celebrate wins
-Be open
-The grass is always greener when you water.
-Be able to look at other's situation; empathy
-Autonomy
-Being there for people and having the intention to enrich others' lives
-Act in the face of anxiety
-Opportunity
-Impromptu Music and dance
-Dance more! Music brings so much joy.
-Relinquish the safety of our capitalist privilege
-Providing basic needs to get people to a place where they can be joyful
-Take care of self, too
-Attitude and little things bring joy.
-Empower others and empower yourself; Thoughts joining with others
-Working with people not for them
-Access to basic life necessities (food, shelter, clothing) required to bring joy
-Helping others find their own joy is key
-We bring joy by both helping others and by overcoming our own difficulties.
-Every little bit counts
-Keep music in your life
-Prison ministry
-Neighbors coming together more in less affluent communities
-Sometimes people have immediate needs. There needs to be a balance of efforts based on skill sets.
-Having gratitude.
-Self-care as preparation
-Be here and now with each other and the earth
-fireworks and fireflies
-Be ok with uncertainty
-Making stupid jokes, take flowers in from garden
-Often teachers can make a difference through accepting diversity, listening to the individual child, and discipline such as music.
-Help people live beyond their limitations
-Try to find joy in the little things and friends
-Be thankful.

2011 Animals [year in review]

2012-01-01T18:48:33Z

NEARLY DONE I SWEAR

We picked up a stray dog who we nearly ran over in the middle of the road. Took him to our vet and found that s/he was chipped, but the owner couldn't be found anywhere. We wound up taking him/her to the county (no-kill) dog shelter.

We adopted Sneachda, knowing that he had eyesight problems and a few "just-found-stray" issues, but not realizing that he had some kind of condition that was eating away the bone around his eyes. He was with us for three weeks of hard work caring for him, and for that time he lived in Charlie's crate on top of the fireplace in my office. He did get out and was able to roam around, and he really did have strong impulses to just roam outside like Scotch used to. Toward the end he was in a lot of pain, though, and I believe we spared him much suffering.

Charlie is truly wonderful. We've noticed that he's been a lot more susceptible to itchiness, though, which has caused us to fiddle around with his bathing and brushing schedules trying to figure out how to give him some relief. He's also on twice-daily antihistimines. I've started noticing little bumps on his skin in several places, so that will be the next thing to highlight to the vet when he goes in for an exam again.

Because of Sneachda's sight issues, we bought Lovey a collar with a bell. The first one was the wrong style for her and had to be replaced, but it's nice to know where she is and have a sense that she's moving around. She's so quiet and dark that she has tended to move around the apartment very stealthily. But, kitty ninja no more. :)

2011 Professional achievements and Learning / educational / PD experiences [year in review]

2012-01-01T18:41:13Z

Professional achievements

Survey proctoring @OSU

My involvement in the culture survey at Ohio State was fairly administrative, but it did give me a chance to make sure something like a culture survey has a rightful place on my resume, and with something measurable (with numbers!) to boot -- "Organized Volunteers to evaluate culture program effectiveness through proctored sessions for staff culture survey, raising the response rate for the affected population by 27%."

Travel

When I was madly applying for jobs after learning that my position in the president's office had an expiration date, I applied for just a couple "road warrior" positions. At the time, I didn't have any experience that proved I could do it or would even want to do it. Now I have that, and I can honestly say I enjoy it and it fits me well.

2 --> 5/6 sessions per month average

At the University, the most I ever facilitated in one month was five days, and that felt like a marathon spread over only 2 weeks!. Now I'm likely as not to facilitate five days in a week. In January, I expect to facilitate thirteen days (and travel for seven).

Learning / educational / professional-development experiences

Shambhala training levels I & II

Instruction in both the practice of mindfulness meditation and Shambhala philosophy, which is non-religious--something I hadn't expected. It does follow the Buddhist tradition and is of course compatible with it, but it's also possible to follow Shambhala teachings 100% without being Buddhist. These two training 'levels' took place over weekends in January and December.

Strengths Mentor training

This was a one-day training session at Ohio State with Tom Matson from the Gallup Organization. Great grounding in how our strengths show up in both healthy/productive as well as unhealthy/unproductive ways. (Unhealthy manifestation isn't the same thing as overuse, although overuse is one manifestation of unhealthy use.) Also lots of great info on how teams can use strengths theory to seek balance.

Project Management Professional training

This is web learning I'm taking advantage of through Hertz. I'm required to do some kind of professional development as an employee, so I searched their offerings and found this, which I've considered before anyway. I explored offerings for HRP and Six Sigma as well, but the Project Mgt seemed like the best place to start. I've completed five out of 28 units. They'll probably go a lot faster once I have the PMBOK guide and don't have to transcribe every little list and definition that is in there.

Catalyzing Organizational Change (w/Art Kleiner)--particularly "the first follower" and the Ladder of Inference

It was very cool to hang out with Art Kliener for a few days. I'm not quite done dropping his name yet. hah. Learned very good things about roles in conversations/organizations/meetings and organizational change options.

"What makes life worth living?" intro to positive psych @ OSU w/Rick L.

This was just a lecture at the University that I attended with a friend, but it was my introduction to Character Strengths and Virtues, which will be an area of study that I haven't really gotten into yet. I plan to get into it, though, particularly to bolster my character development in my novel.

The books-finished list [year in review]

2011-12-31T21:57:17Z

Thanks to the magic of Kindle, flying, airports, delayed flights, and treadmills, I've read more than usual this year.

You'll note three trilogies. The Larsson novels have been renamed according to my personal interpretation rather than how they were actually published. I found these novels tedious and insipid. They are extremely popular. Ugh. (Please don't tell me I should read Twilight. I won't do it.)

Traitor to the Crown (trilogy by C. C. Finlay): The Patriot Witch
A Spell for the Revolution
The Demon Redcoat
The Hunger Games (trilogy by Suzanne Collins): The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Mockingjay
The Girl Who... (trilogy by Stieg Larsson): The Girl who Made Coffee
The Girl who Shopped at IKEA
The Girl who Used PALM technology and ICQ

The remaining books were not trilogies or associated in any but the most tangential sense with any of the above trilogies.
The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson
Well Being: The Five Essential Elements by Tom Rath and Jim Harter
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Bossypants by Tina Fey
Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath

Significant books, even through I didn't finish them [year-end review]

2011-12-31T11:57:05Z

There are some books that I get so much out of that I can't devour them. Instead, I have to savor. Many of these I started early in the year. Some I started in 2010. I read a few pages and get what I need or want and then go a few days or weeks or months before picking it up again.

These books are changing the way I think.

Learning to Listen, Learning to Teach (Jane Vella)
Pema Chodron Reader
The Worry Trap (Chad LeJeune)
Made to Stick (Chip and Dan Heath) (Actually might finish this one today... will be posting my "books finished" tomorrow, and you'll probably see it on that list.)
Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior by Chogyam Trungpa
A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard
Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)

Random notes about 2011 [year in review]

2011-12-29T22:28:32Z

Cab drivers are fascinating characters. Everywhere I go, if I ask a cab driver how long they've been driving [in town X] and where they were before, I wind up getting an amazing story.
The KINDLE is the best thing ever. Now, instead of compulsively buying a book or adding it to my wish list, where it sits until I decide I don't care, I can ask Amazon to send a free sample directly to my Kindle. Then, the sample sits there until I'm ready for it and, if I become ready for it, I can get started reading it right away, decide if I like it enough to actually pay for it, and if I do, I can continue reading it immediately. Best. Thing. Ever. (That's the only way I can cope with enticing lists like this: http://www.fastcompany.com/1801015/business-books-leadership-hall-of-fame)
Whole peppercorns can be added to soups and sauces without grinding for an awesome kick. (Thanks to Cattlemen's Restaurant in Oklahoma City for that insight!)
Been wearing a pedometer daily for many months. Still inconsistently trying to walk 10k-15K daily, and usually getting less. Pretty much gave up on strength training--with poor results. But, I've been tracking as I go and have had at least 25 days over 10K since September 1. So, if I get in 10K days for 150 or even just 100 days in 2012, I'll have improved. That's totally do-able.
I know a great deal more now than I did a year ago about business travel--what and how to pack, how much to carry, and what deserves a backup plan.
NaNoWriMo FTW! Characters first came to mind in August 2011 on a flight to Phoenix, based on thinking about Howard @ church, and I wrote a (mostly) complete first draft.
Damn You Autocorrect makes me laugh so hard I cry. Best new web site.
Watched all of Veronica Mars and, together with Rick, started at the beginning and caught up to the present day with Big Bang Theory
I finally bought and planted some Clematis in the back garden, along with a couple of hostas, vinca, and bleeding hearts.
I FINALLY visited my birthplace! Irving, Texas, the house where the family lived then, even the hospital where I was born and the area where they had the nursery and new mothers' rooms.
Mom's had bad leg pain for the last several weeks. The official diagnosis is "pinching of the sciatic nerve by the large muscle in the buttocks, the pyriformis muscle, which has gotten shortened from lack of stretching, displaced, or enlarged." She is really, really done with being in pain all the time.
One day on a flight, I started scribbling about what I thought I'd most like to do if I could have all my “ideal work” conditions and type and market and so forth, which was when I identified churches/”spiritual workers” as one of two ‘markets’ for my work. As a result, I could recognize an opportunity ("Healthy Congregations") when it presented itself earlier this week, and I'm excited!

Hosting experiences/activities [year end review]

2011-12-29T18:11:07Z

From the Art of Hosting manual I received on March 30, 2010:

...be courageous, inviting and willing to initiate conversations that matter - find and host powerful questions with the stakeholders - and then make sure you harvest the answers, the patterns, insights learnings and wise actions...

In 2011, I've taken my practice of hosting conversations to new levels. I've done process hosting, which essentially means sitting in on core team meetings with others who will be hosting, offering my experience and insight into making questions more powerful, inviting more diverse stakeholders, and designing harvest. I had great success in hosting a strategic planning and vision-building meeting with the diversity council in the University's Office of Human Resources, hosted a World Cafe to help the community/college Alumni-Relations liaisons identify their strategic value in the face of the new advancement model that the University is moving into, and hosted about six hours of circle and Open Space Technology, built around some skill-building in a "fishbowl" activity, for the Multicultural Center at the University--all before leaving Ohio State.

I had a wonderful opportunity to "apprentice" in an Art of Hosting training in the late winter early in the year, which not only gave me a lot more practice with process hosting but also exposed me to Proaction Cafe and Theory U.

The folks who I apprenticed with for that AoH also invited me to help facilitate a series of conversations in a methodology based on World Cafe for a statewide medical-insurance symposium. That was a unique cross between fascinating and boring! But hey, I got paid, which was nice. :)

Thanks to a friend from the University who is an Appreciative Inquiry expert, I also got to participate as a facilitator for an Appreciative Inquiry Summit for Feeding America, the network of food banks across the United States that does a lot of fund raisers you might have seen, like at your local grocery store. I got paid for this one, too, which was very nice.

All this experience gave me the impulse to approach my church with a desire to let them know that I had this toolbox at hand in case they wanted to make use of it, because in service of the church I could do so for free. In that context I've been working with the leadership development committee to start sharing what I know, which hopefully will help me develop some "mates" (hosting partners are called "mates" in the AoH community)in the church.

While it wasn't strictly a hosting event, I did get to talk with Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze when they came to town for a breakfast-introduction to their new book, Walk Out, Walk On. Meg Wheatley is one of the founding thinkers behind hosting conversations that matter, and I'm excited that I am getting to know her as a person in my world as I'm being exposed to what she's written over the years and how it has dramatically shifted the way people think about people and organizations. (She is as foundational--perhaps even more so--as Peter Senge.) Anyway, the breakfast was a pretty significant opportunity for me to reconnect with the local AoH community after starting the new job and getting really involved at a national level, and less at the local level.

Finally, in the course of doing basic background research for my November novel, I wound up stirring up some interest in hosting conversations locally around "creating jobs." This was an unintended consequence, but I realized that if that was something that was wanting to happen, then I wanted to help. Chet (the Appreciative Inquiry expert/friend) was the first to jump in and say "let's do it!", and others are joining along the way. Our next meeting is in January, toward the end of the month.

Self doubt

2011-12-13T23:11:15Z

From 2 to 6

In June 2006, I had to mow the lawn. It may be the only time I've actually done that. Rick is almost always on top of that particular task, but this time he was injured and unable.

So I gathered all my womanly I-can-do-this self-talk and got out there. But the entire time, I couldn't shake the feeling that all my neighbors were looking out their windows and watching me, and (what's worse) judging me to be completely inadequate for the task. With every turn, I was doing it wrong. With every row, I was missing too much or overlapping too much.

I knew this was irrational, but I couldn't shake it. I knew where it came from (hovering parents who valued a job done well and didn't comprehend the impact on an individual's psyche when they interrupt to offer correction), but that didn't help me let it go.

And that was normal. I usually carried around a foreboding sense that I was being watched and judged as inadequate. How would I ever escape that paralyzing criticism?

At work, I came up with a strategy for at least fighting back. I started a "good job" folder, and I meticulously tracked my error rate per week so I could compare weeks and see where I was showing improvement. If someone said anything vaguely positive to me, I wrote it down or printed it out and kept it in that folder. And I would review it periodically so I could see that I didn't always suck.

That helped a bit. At least it added a voice of reason in among the irrational ones. I one rated confidence on a scale of 1-10, I'd say in took me from a 2 to a 6.

To get any further, though, I'd somehow have to move away from the irrational fear, and that was hard to do. I couldn't reason it away, because it was irrational, so all the years of therapy, while good, didn't fix it.

In June 2010, I was sent to what I thought was a week-long leadership development conference. And it was that, but it was more. In fact, it was one of the most integrative experiences I've ever had.

I was introduced that week to a practice of mindfulness meditation. I was not prepared for that at all, but I thought it was cool and interesting and relaxing, and I generally made jokes about it and looked back on the week as an odd introduction to something a lot of people do. In fact, I know that I left with the intention to try to work some time for meditation into my routine.

From 6 to 10

Over the next year I dealt with a lot of uncertainty. My job was eliminated, I searched feverishly for another job through my severance period, expecting fully that starting in mid-November I would be without income (and generally without savings), but a temp position at the University was offered to me, and I continued building my network and going deeper with training my mind.

I say "training my mind" very intentionally, because so much of what I was doing then fit that exactly. I was changing my thinking about myself, about the people around me, about my future, about how people relate to each other, about how things happen.

Most importantly, I was beginning to learn how to step back from my thinking and look at it. Most of this came from the practice of meditation, and the more I read about how to be effective in the world, the more I realized that the meditation practice was helping me to be more effective.

I've continued learning and practicing. Nothing award-winningly consistent, but I'm cycling through things at my own pace and going deeper as I can.

I need a capacity to notice my thinking and step back from it. To be able to say, "Look at that, I am really making myself self-conscious / hostile / anxious / confused / angry (or whatever). I think I'll stop and let that go."

I write that in the present tense because I have always need it and still do. I'm now actually starting to see it happen. By practicing in meditation simply recognizing that I am thinking, labeling it as thinking, and letting it fade so I can re-focus on my breathing, I am developing a skill that I can use in daily life.

Having a practice has made a huge difference. The irrational thoughts still come up, but... hah... it's like in A Beautiful Mind, when the brilliant mathematician started managing his schizophrenia without medication. He learned to stop taking his thinking too seriously. He carefully identified who and what he could definitely trust and learned to question anything else.

The rest of us can learn to do that, too. Our thoughts and feelings are less severe but can be no less paralyzing. All of us, no matter who we are, create our experience of reality by how we think about it. When we can learn to question our own thinking, we can move away from being the victims of our worlds and find the power we carry.

We can go to 10.

Like December Snow

2011-12-12T22:13:46Z

On November 8, I received an email from my neighborhood association's president. He wrote:

My wife has a propensity to rescue animals from the neighborhood in which she teaches. Today she has found a very sweet cat without a tail. Unfortunately, Cat Welfare, the Humane Society, etc will not take new cats. We cannot have another animal in this household but if you are interested, we are keeping her VERY SHORT TERM. She has a very sweet demeaner.[sic] She rode in the car like she belonged there, talks to you when you give her attention, etc. No clue if she is litter trained or not but we should be able to tell you that soon. If there is an animal lover in the neighborhood that would like to help please let us know.

A few emails and a couple of visits later, on November 17 we adopted this little cat whom they were calling "Garage Kitty." We named him Sneachda (SHNOK-da), Gaelic for 'snow.' Because we knew he had some medical issues that would need time to clear up, and probably should be sequestered from the other animals in the house at least for times when we couldn't supervise him, I moved Charlie's crate into my office (a.k.a "the morning room") and set it up on top of the fireplace so he could feel perched instead of trapped. It was a neat little apartment for him, complete with litterbox, sleeping, and feeding areas.

But, the medical problems just increased instead of decreasing. Finally, last Thursday the doctor did an X-ray and discovered he'd lost a lot of bone around the front of his face above his eyes. The cause, the vet said, would be either a bone infection or a tumor, probably in the brain and eating its way through the bone to get out.

I think I've figured out that veterinarians, especially small-animal vets, don't as a practice actually recommend euthanasia. Maybe they've just learned that unless a pet owner comes to that conclusion on their own, a recommendation for or against from a vet makes no positive difference, but that's just a guess. We've never had one of our vets actually tell us they thought it was time. They just describe what the next step is, with all assumptions that you'll want to go forward with keeping the animal alive.

The look in my vet's eyes, though, that was clear enough. "It'll be nasty stuff" was all he said.

So I came home and talked to Rick. Asked him what he felt needed to be done or said before we could say good-bye to Sneachda, just three weeks after we brought him into our home. We decided to make sure our neighborhood association president and his wife knew what was going on so they could weigh in on the decision if they wanted to. I called them the next morning, and I called the vet and made an appointment for later in the day.

Through the day, I received a call first from Liz, the woman who first picked up the kitty they thought was female in the parking lot of her school. Later, her husband called. In the afternoon, I got a call from Liz's sister, the one whose garage was "garage kitty's" first shelter after rescue. They were all shocked, disappointed, and yet agreed that the poor little guy didn't have to stick around here just for us.

We did our best to give him a good last day. Rick observed that he was for us like December snow, that falls and is beautiful and then is gone before you know it.

I'm afraid I know that he was in pain that last afternoon. It was all I could do to keep him from clawing at the swelling on his head, and that made me wish I'd made the appointment for earlier. But, we gave him some love and snuggles and some time outside and some good food, and then we let him go.

A couple more of his last-day pics:

He was just sleeping on this chair in my office, and I heard and smelled this amazing fart, so I turned around to laugh and wave at him, and saw him lying there so contented with his tongue sticking out.

"What is your job?" she asked.

2011-10-21T12:30:54Z

Have you ever had a coworker who seemed surly and judgmental all the time?

I predict your answer to this is: Yes.

Have you ever noticed that you have days when you are just ON--able to handle anything--and other days when you couldn't seem to do anything right?

Again, I expect you'd answer Yes.

How about this one: Have you ever been so sure that you were right that you were willing to argue to the death with someone about it, only to realize a day later that they were right and you were wrong? Well, most people do this sometimes. Why would you (or anyone) do that? How could you (or they) have been that wrong when you (or they) were so sure?

Oh, and this one: How is it that some people seem to get so much done? They "live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." Where do they get their energy and focus and passion, and can I buy some?

This is what my work is all about.

What I do is work with groups of people to explore these questions and discover what the elements are for answering them. And, to help me do it, I have a pretty structured training package with fun activities that help facilitate relevant insights so people can have:

More positive energy
better results
less stress
more self-awareness
better relationships
more confidence
an ability to influence others more effectively
a better life

That's all.

Reaching out to others - ideas from an introvert who has learned how, out of necessity

2011-06-18T10:50:54Z

The following was originally written as a comment on an LJ post. The comment was too long, so I decided to make it a post here.

I spent my growing-up years moving a lot, and I learned a few things about making friends along the way. At no stage did I magically become an extrovert. I did get used to being in situations where I don't know people, but I also learned that I need a friend in order to actually want to return to the situation. Having a friend--even a casual one--can make an activity bearable. If that friendship doesn't happen or isn't there, then I would rather stay in my cave.

I have learned that a person can make a difference with this. An introvert, in particular, might feel helpless, but isn't. Most people "out there" love when a person expresses interest in them. So, reaching out to people-- introducing yourself and offering a short picture* of who you are, then asking them questions--is the place to start.

In the work that I do, I have had to get used to meeting new people all the time. I am with a whole new group every day or two when I'm working. And, my work is more effective if I just take time to introduce myself to and connect with as many people as I can. So I've had to develop some skills in doing something I don't feel naturally compelled to do. The following is based on some trial and error over the years:

First off, I find it's really helpful to have some standard questions ready once you get past the "hi, my name is ____" stage:

"So, what are you doing when you aren't here?" This is a good, basic question. I've learned not to ask "What do you do?" because that's too vague and sometimes people feel like they need to answer "I'm Vice President of Logistics!" or they've been completely invalidated. It's a weird American thing, I guess, but "What do you do?" sometimes gets me the deer-caught-in-headlights response. But, with something more general about how they spend their time, it usually opens up information about how they make a living as well as how they entertain themselves. Do follow up anything that comes up with additional interest (in the form of questions or your own connection to the subject) about how long they've been doing that, how did they get into it, what do they love about it, etc.

As soon as you can ask "What do you love about it?" you're in great territory, because you are giving them an opportunity to share what they are passionate about, which helps to create a bond.)

"What is your family like?" Is another good one that doesn't assume any particular relationship does or does not exist, but it gives a person an opportunity to describe their experience of relating to the people they've had the most time to build relationships with. Frequently we can find commonalities with how people feel about their family members.

If the family question isn't your style, you might ask about the people they work with or, better yet, the people who helped them navigate the transitions in their life. If they're selling darkberry extract, how did they get into that? Who helped them get into it? What did that person do to help ease the transition? If they enjoy gardening, who have they learned gardening from? What's the best advice they've received about gardening? etc.

"What is the best thing happening in your life right now?" is a great question and can bring out surprising information. Not only is it a more creative and interesting way of connecting than a simple "how are you?", but it prompts people to select a story to share based upon their personal value system, so you not only get the story, you also get some insight into how they think, and then they're talking about something they feel some excitement around, which again will help to create a bond.

Second, I find that it's important not to play 20 questions. If you ask a couple of questions and get really short answers, then smile and move on. If it starts to feel like an interview, then slow down, look around the room, and comment on something you see. If the questions above don't bring out the kind of stories I'm suggesting they can bring out, then you probably haven't found the right person yet, so try again somewhere else. They will eventually get someone talking.

Third, once someone is sharing their thinking, stories, passions, and joy with you, just relax and respond. Find a way to be interested in what they are talking about. If they start to invite you to join them in their passion, don't feel like you have to correct their false impression that you care. Pretend for the short-term that you're Jim Carey in Yes Man and just respond in the positive. I've found that, most of the time, these in-the-moment invitations rarely result in actual activities. You don't lose anything by expressing interest in their next gallery opening or equestrian convention or whatever.

Oh, and if it does turn into an actual date-time-place invitation, do everything you can to just go for it and show up. You might enjoy yourself and discover you actually like the subject matter.

Fourth, even if you get a great conversation going, don't just stop there. Continue to nurture that bond, but don't pretend they're the only person in the room. Continue to reach out to others in the same way. It's better to have two or three people you can have a conversation with than just one.

It takes more energy to start a connection than to maintain one, which is why we introverts tend to go back to the same people we've connected with before. But, that also leaves us more vulnerable, which we also hate. If you're constantly building these connections and nurturing the ones you've made before, then if something happens with one of those connections, you're less likely to find yourself isolated again.

Finally--and this is the most important element in the whole process
--remember that people are just people. Suspend judgement. Stay curious. Accept them for who they are in that moment. If they're interested in something that doesn't interest you, accept them (and yourself) in spite of that difference. You can't connect with people if you judge them or yourself as inadequate. Remind yourself that you are completely equal, and differences are totally fine.

Again--these are just thoughts based on the skills I've developed for getting along in situations where I don't know people. What looks like direction and advice above is just a transcription of how I coach myself. I am totally a shy, introverted cave-dweller, but I've also learned that without connections with people, I get worse.

What other ideas have you tried? I can always use more tools in my toolbelt...

*In some situations, that "short picture" for me is what I'm doing there, like "I'm one of the facilitators for this workshop." In other situations, I've just walked up to someone and said "Hi, I'm new!" This is just a tiny bit of context--one short sentence--that offers an explanation for why you are talking to them. It shouldn't be too vulnerable (like "Hi, I don't have any friends and need some"), but it can spin the vulnerable truth into something simple and easy to understand (like, "Hi, the friend I usually come here with left the class. Mind if I sit here today?"). Don't even take 30 seconds for an elevator pitch until their interest is turned back to you.

NOTE: Comments screened, since it's a public post and will get spam.

The first month at the company, + AI for Feeding America

2011-05-07T13:58:15Z

Facilitation successes
It has been a surprisingly great month. In April, I worked with two facilitators who are my peers in the company, and together we facilitated nine sessions. Nine! Dears, that may seem unimpressive to you, but I've never done more than 2.5 sessions in a month. We did NINE. It's like saying I hopped Everest over the weekend. Only, it wasn't that big of a deal or that hard. I just thought it would be.

For two of those days--two one-day sessions--I was facilitating solo, which I'd never done before. And, of those nine sessions, for one session (which was just one day), I really wasn't part of it. My co-facilitator was testing herself to facilitate alone for the day, and I had computer issues to solve.

There were so many challenges to this month that I really was nervous about whether or not I could do it. And, it was an incredibly successful month. The participants were overwhelming in their expressions of engagement, interest, and gratitude. It was simply FUN to work with folks who were that happy to be part of what I was doing.

Facilitation challenges
There were certainly less-successful moments. In one session, my co-facilitator and I were focused a bit too much on our process, since it was the first day running through a new one-day session format/design. We didn't notice until a bit too late that our participants weren't really with us, and a number of things I'd presented to them hadn't gotten through at all because they were so preoccupied with their own questions and confusion. We slowed down then and tried to cover our tracks, but in the end we felt certain that this group got less out of the session than others we worked with.

I've also found myself experiencing enhanced anxiety leading up to my departure from home for these trips. If I experienced the same anxiety before coming home I might think it was related to travel, but I only have these episodes at home when I'm getting ready to leave. So, I think it might just be separation anxiety. I'm usually fine by the time I get to the airport, but saying good-bye is always hard.

Learning
I've learned just so much since starting this job. The biggest is simply how much I need to be aware of my own mindset when I am facilitating. If I am in my default, auto-pilot mode, my craziness comes out and I act as though other people are ruling what I think, feel, and need. When I'm at my best, though, I am able to detach from what's going on and laugh at myself. I might still need what I need, or I might be able to let it go, but I don't get so wrapped up in needing other people to be anything other than who they are. I can accept them, enjoy them, be interested in them, and just respond to them authentically.

I've also learned the importance of beginning each facilitation experience with an intention of being authentic and enjoying whomever shows up as they are. If I can formulate that positive intention ahead of time, keeping my focus on others, I am so much more successful. I am able to enter and stay in flow.

I've also learned how effective it is to drink water and Gatorade through the day!

And I've really enjoyed the people. Folks are so generous and responsive when they experience someone else's ability to suspend judgement. They only get hard through that slap in the face that comes with being judged. I think this is why "judge not lest ye be judged" is one of those Bible verses with universal appeal.

Appreciative Inquiry and Feeding America
I've been home since the end of April. And, this week I had the privilege of facilitating in an entirely different capacity for an Appreciative Inquiry Summit for Feeding America. Their challenge: To increase sustainable provision of fresh produce to Americans who face hunger by one billion pounds in the next five years.

The Appreciative Inquiry process is one that assumes that solving problems can only take us so far--an exclusive focus on problems is too narrow. We need to be intentional about not only valuing what is good/best, but also about changing our focus so we can see areas of untapped potential into which we can grow.

Feeding America has solved all the problems they could figure out how to solve in order to get fresh produce to people who face hunger. They needed help to shift their focus and think outside traditional problem-solving. This summit was an opportunity to draw on tons of different levels of experience and ways of thinking in order to change the landscape.

My role was minimal, since I was new to Appreciative Inquiry as a discipline and mostly just wanted to be near it. I had a tiny bit of stage time, but mostly I was there to catch things falling through the cracks, to run and climb where someone needed to run and climb. It was fun. It was fascinating. And it was cool.

If you are interested in some of the ideas that came out of that summit, look at my tweets for May 5, in particular. I didn't transcribe a lot, since folks are usually used to me posting just 2-3 tweets a day, but there are a few here. (A "food desert" is a neighborhood, usually urban, where there are no grocery stores--usually just fast food and convenience stores, so residents tend to subsist on hamburgers, fried chicken, and Twinkies. Not exactly square meals.)

The results were fantastic. Food Bankers and external stakeholders generated about 20 workable action plans after three days of storytelling, brainstorming, prototyping, and networking. We should see the fruits of this collective creativity start showing up within the next two years.

Before my connection to the Mid-Ohio Foodbank, issues of hunger were barely on my radar. As a good democrat and progressive Christian, I was aware these issues existed, but I really didn't have much of a connection to them. My awareness certainly has increased, and I have been truly moved by the passion of of Food Bankers, especially this week. I'm glad I still have a connection to the Mid-Ohio Foodbank and can anticipate continuing to work with them a bit. (Just wish my schedule were more regular so I could know how much I could commit to supporting them.)

Reading
Throughout this time I've been reading Karen Armstrong's The Spiral Staircase, a memoir that traces her entrance into a convent as a teenager, departure from the convent 7 years later, education at Oxford, failure to pass her Ph.D. thesis, undiagnosed epilepsy, teaching high school girls, getting fired from that, "falling into" television, minor celebrity as an "ex-nun who hates the church," learning about Islam and Judaism through studying the Crusades for television, losing the television gig, and finally coming into her own as an expert in comparative religions who has come to terms with the idea of faith and experiences of transcendence through a universalist kind of understanding of who/what God may actually be [Her "big success" was the international publication of A History of God.] and who/what we may be intended to be. A wonderful, healing story that I have found remarkably easy to relate to.

Sometimes my husband wants to send me to a neurologist.

2010-12-17T11:17:24Z

Not one who fixes things, just one who enjoys weird people.

View Poll: teeth awareness

Relief

2010-08-13T11:50:07Z

Emotional Cycle of Change (Google Docs)

I am finding comfort today in a model we introduce in reinforcement sessions, "the emotional cycle of change." (click the image or link above for a legible version of the model). We use it to show how, despite pessimism that might crop up when we realize how difficult change is, a practice of gratitude can return us to optimism and success.

I realized this morning that I've been in phase I, uninformed optimism, since I started this job search last March. This week I hit reality, and the plunge into pessimism has been shocking and deeply troubling.

But it makes such a difference to know that the path I'm on is well worn, the road has actual markers/landmarks, and the way out is paved in gratitude.

In fact, I'm so grateful for this model right now that I don't even feel the pessimism at all. That's a nice relief. I'm sure I'll come back to it... after months in phase I I'm not sure I can get through phases II and III in one week, but at least I know the path to phases IV and V.

Holly

2010-05-23T18:17:54Z

At nearly 14 years old, Holly has left us.

In January of 1997, I visited a shelter in Belle Meade, New Jersey, where she and her brother were in a cage with their mother. Holly had the temporary name "Howl" because of the sound she made when receiving her vaccinations. When I met her, she tucked her head into my hand, and I was done. I let the shelter folks know she would be coming home with me.

When Rick and I went to pick her up, the shelter staff tried to encourage us to take her brother, too. "Screech," they'd named him--for the same vaccination reason. As Rick cradled Holly in his arms, the shelter staff picked up Screech and laid him across Ric's arm next to his sister. Rick looked up at me with a face that said he couldn't possibly entertain the thought of leaving without the two of them together. I only had a small carrier with me, but they both rode together in peace. We renamed Howl Holly, and Screech became Scotch.

We had difficulty adjusting to cats. They woke us up in the middle of the night. One night, Scotch fell through our second story window in the rain, but he found a dry spot and sat in it, crying until we came home and wondered why there was a cat meowling outside our bedroom window. When we discovered it was him we ran downstairs and out into the rain, and he was more than happy to see us, climbing all over us with his tail firmly upright, marking every body part he could reach.

Holly was always the more winsome of the two, but equally territorial. If another cat besides her brother crossed her path, she became a flurry of claws. Even her brother was not immune--she ambushed him with the verve of Cato ambushing Clouseau. At no time was he to be afforded dignity or peace. She was smaller than him and always ate less, but she grew to 14 lbs and could effectively body-slam him to the floor, even when his own weight topped 20 lbs.

The little monkey--Holly had a habit of clinging to whomever was holding her, one paw on either side of your neck, like a hug.

Scotch was always the explorer, and we could hardly keep him inside. If he could escape, he ran. He loved being outside in the grass, stretched out under a tree or in the sun. Holly was more nervous about the out-of-doors, and while she learned to be happy on short excursions, she preferred to get back inside as soon as she could.

When we moved to Columbus, Scotch escaped the apartment in New Jersey. I began to panic as I searched for him, but he was found--in the moving van, on our sofa. He and Holly traveled to Ohio in separate crates, howling the whole way. We tried to get a room for the night in a motel that forbade pets. We tried letting them in with us anyway, but couldn't keep them out of the window. We spent the night in the car and the truck cab, letting the cats snuggle where they wished.

We moved into an apartment that had a tree in front where Scotch could climb and lounge. Holly staked out her territory on the bed. For weeks, the two slept in a ball, together, until they grew accustomed to their new environment. The apartment was not quite large enough for the four of us--especially given the challenges of caring for their litter box, but when we moved to this house it all became much easier. Scotch could lounge safely in the back yard, and litterboxes could be scattered through the house. Ahh.

But just a few months after moving to the house, Scotch became ill. He had Feline Leukemia, felt cold all the time, and quickly lost all his energy. He left us on February 5, 2006. Charlie joined the family soon after so there would be someone to take care of me. Holly and Lovey, gratefully, were free of the virus.

A little over a year later, we noticed that Holly had an odd red area around her mouth. By May we knew she had eosinophilic granuloma. She started a special diet and various medications that took their toll on her liver. We nearly lost her twice. Once, she gut out of the house when I was away at training for work and got attacked, and the second time she experienced liver failure due to one of the medications she was on. We changed her medication regimen and put her on a nutritional supplement that had a positive impact on her liver. She did remarkably well, but had to be fed so often that Rick would get up two, three, or sometimes four times a night to feed her and clean her litter box. The cleaning got to be all over the house, too. She was in a bad way, but she had her moments, and those moments gave us hope that she was still enjoying her life.

By the weekend, I knew she had taken a turn for the worse. She was getting thinner and thinner, despite eating up to four cans of food a day. On Saturday morning, I even weighed her--about five pounds. Later in the morning, Rick came out to me and asked for a damp cloth. She seemed confused, and her fur all along the side of her face from her mouth down her neck was soaked. He suggested we take her to the vet, and it wasn't long before we both realized that her time with us had run out.

We were glad that, if she couldn't die peacefully at home with us, we could take her to a vet's office where we know everyone. They've proven their kindness to us many times over, and we felt like we were among friends. That, at least, was better than what we had to do when Scotch became sick. We were with her as she went, which we'd also been able to do for Scotch.

Good bye, sweet girl. I'm glad your brother could go ahead and be there to meet you. Neither one of you will be alone now.

Pass The Damn Bill

2010-03-17T09:46:55Z

ION, very crazy schedule these days. Going to Lima Ohio tomorrow to facilitate a retreat & staying two nights. Life is good and exciting.

Image from Mother Jones. I stole and am encouraging others to do so as well.

New fun feeds

2010-01-16T20:19:02Z

I've found some fantastic, fun blogs lately. You've got to check these out.

* PassiveAggressiveNotes.com - readers submit photos of notes left by people who don't want to do the confronting themselves. These notes thinly disguise the hostility boiling just under the surface... (also worth checking out: NotHired.com--excerpts from resumes, etc. showing the dumb ways we show the world how non-employable we are.)

* Sleep Talkin' Man - an American woman married a "mild mannered English" man who talks in his sleep. His sleep talking is anything but mild-mannered. She finds his nighttime ramblings amusing. He finds her reports of his sleeptalking worrisome. I find it all hilarious. (Warning! Language not for the faint of heart!)

* That is Priceless - blogger captions masterworks with great results. My favorite so far:

Aphrodite Using Her 9-Iron Out of a Water Hazard.

* Shit My Dad Says - a twitter feed by the 29-year-old son of a 74-year-old who missed his calling and should have been a one-liner comedian. Irreverent and awesome.

Happy New Year - Ten Years Ago

2009-12-31T19:27:11Z

I did not have a journal at the turning of the millennium, but I did have an e-mail list with my family. On the first day of the new decade I sent them this message:

Rick and I had a quiet evening last night. We also watched the ball drop in
NYC, but the station we were watching out of Philadelphia switched at
midnight, right after the 2000 lit up, to Penns Landing in Philly. It was
an incredible fireworks display. From what I saw of Paris, it couldn't
quite rival the Eiffel Tower, but still it was VERY impressive -- the
longest and most beautiful fireworks display I have ever seen. One of the
most impressive was when they lit up the Ben Franklin bridge with fire, and
then fire began flowing like water off the edge of the bridge into the
Delaware River below. It was beautiful -- like Niagra. We watched until
about 12:30 and then went to bed.

Glad everyone is safe. A peaceful passing.

Love,
Amy

We have similarly peaceful plans for this evening. After a bit of housecleaning, we'll stop by the grocery store for some light beverages then come home for shepherd's pie and television.

Happy New Year - may you ring it in exactly the way you'd like to, or at least be okay with the alternate plan.

notes for next year's garden planning

2009-09-12T16:24:49Z

1. A single yellow-pear tomato plant is plenty. Four Brandywine tomato plants are fine, but also plant Early Girl to lengthen the season. Also, tomato plants need way more than three feet between them. In fact, tomato CAGES should be three feet apart (at least) as well as three feet across and five feet tall. We have space in the front garden for about five tomato plants--no more. Other tomatos may thrive on the south side of the house/back-garden fence.

2. Nine bush-bean plants produced enough.

3. Nine collard plants are plenty and produce enough to freeze. Start harvesting to freeze once a month starting July.

4. Swiss chard is a wonderful thing, but we aren't big fans. 2-3 plants are enough. MUST be in full sun or won't do anything.

5. Do plant pumpkin, but give it gobs of space and scaffolding. Consider planting pumpkin between peas and lawn, then replace pea trellis with something solidly heftier.

6. Need cherry pollinator and apple pollinator. Need more berry brambles.

7. ONIONS. We use these constantly.

8. Harvest the garlic as soon as it dies back to preserve bulb integrity

9. 16 cabbage plants did well, with varying growth. Do fertilize.

10. Do start marigolds, black-eyed susans (perennial) and purple coneflowers from seed.

11. A single marigold in full sun will occupy an area 4' square by summer's end.

12. Do not grow peppers from seed. Buy plants for a decent harvest. Make sure peppers are more than 3' away from tomatoes and will not be shaded by tomatoes when they've exploded through their cages.

13. Give zucchini and yellow squash more than a couple feet around; they need full sun away from other shady plants like pumpkin and tomato.

14. Do cucumbers, but trellis.

Freezing collards

2009-09-12T15:52:23Z

Supplies:
Gallon+ size plastic Ziploc freezer bags
canner or stewpot 1/2 filled with boiling water
immersible colander
plate (for setting colander between boiling)
cutting board
sharp medium-sized knife
basin filled with ice-water
basin for washing off collard leaves
Plastic mixing spoon to push leaves into boiling/ice water
tongs
Sharpie pen

Per package of frozen collards:
1. Pick 15 collard leaves and wash off
2. Fold each leaf along the spine. Use knife to remove spine/stalk
3. Stack 4-6 leaves together and roll tightly. Slice like sushi.
4. Continue until all leaves have been de-spined and sliced.
5. Dump into immersible colander and submerge in boiling water. Blanch for 3-4 minutes. (just 2 min. for chard)
6. Remove colander and drain collards. Dump collards into ice-water bath for 5 minutes.
7. Use Sharpie pen to label Ziploc bag with "Collards" and date.
8. Move collards to Ziploc bag. Roll up tightly to remove air and zip shut. Freeze immediately.

Hi, LJ people! In lieu of an update, a poll-ish window into my thoughts...

2009-06-26T15:51:19Z

View Poll: Scotty vs. Geordi

Big Break

2009-05-19T19:56:21Z

I'm on vacation! Woo hoo!

Because I've been going non-stop for several weeks, I decided that this vacation should be a simple, unplanned, unstructured break from everything. Stick around the house, putter in the garden, read, watch TV.

Well, I realized this morning that my seedlings hadn't even started hardening off yet, so it would be jumping the gun to transplant them already. I've put them out back under the overhang so they can start getting used to direct sun and breezes. I'll start planting them out this weekend. And I've watched the first three episodes of the second BtVS season (have just met Spike, for those in the know). Yay, Hulu.

Next stop: Janet Evanovich books.

Holly is feeling poorly. We took her to the vet this morning and she had blood and urine drawn. The urine test was inconclusive--should get the blood tests back tomorrow. They gave her a shot to stimulate her appetite, so at least she has eaten now. Poor thing is down to 8 lbs!

to do

2009-05-02T12:39:12Z

Geez, it's only 8:30 and already I have a ton of things in mind that I'll "just take care of today." It's to-do list time.

~~Tell Marianne that the newsletter is on the web!~~
~~Buy mulch~~
~~Spread mulch~~
~~Watch LOST~~
~~Homework / prep notes~~
Prep Toastmasters Speech
Plant seeds: Cosmos
~~Plant seeds: Poppies~~
~~Plant seeds: Sunflowers~~
~~Plant seeds: Four O'Clock~~
~~Plant seeds: Carrots~~
Grocery shopping
~~Haircut~~
~~Spread more mulch~~
~~Fire~~

That's enough for now! It's too cold out to do outdoorsy things yet, so LOST it is! And Marianne...

Saturday!

2009-03-15T12:36:25Z

Best thing about Saturday was that I actually did the things on my to-do list. It has been AGES since that has even been possible.

Some stuff that included:

I had thought I’d go shopping at Lowes while Rick was sleeping in, but I decided to use that time for catching up on e-mail, downloading TweetDeck, unsubscribing from selected feeds, and otherwise catching up on my 'net stuff. After Rick woke up and we talked awhile, I had some cereal, put on some Pure Funk and danced around a bit to raise the energy and showed Rick my new “brickhouse” dress (it actually looks totally hot on me even though it looks boring on the hanger).

Dancing around in that dress, I suddenly decided that most of my clothes were too big and went through my closet removing everything that was a top larger than size 16 or “large,” including dresses. This left me with practically nothing, so I drove out to Volunteers of America with two full bags and spent the next three hours picking out $68 worth of new clothes. Since some were new I actually paid about $6 per piece instead of the usual $2, and I also found a very nice London Fog jacket for $15. So, I spent more per item but still totally scored.

After three hours of that I was dog tired. I don’t know how some women shop all day. It felt so good just to sit down and eat my Subway sub after all of that. And I wasn’t even able to eat the whole sandwich + pretzels before I felt totally stuffed. That's new. Next time I may actually order a 6" sub instead of the footlong--though the footlong might make good leftovers.

I chatted with mom online (we're doing a weekly video chat so she can see her little ~~41-year-old~~ girl), and then Rick and I went to Lowes to buy six bags of mulch and six rolls of landscape fabric. I think I actually have too much landscape fabric, but that’s a good problem to have. I can take it back in exchange for some rocks and sand or something. (SO great to actually have a fund for all of this! - TY tax refund.) We spent just about $150 on the mulch and landscape fabric and landscaping anchors, although I will eventually need a LOT more mulch, whether organic or inorganic. We brought it home, stacked it up outside the garage, and I started in on spreading the fabric over the rest of the garden out front. It’s done! Yay! And now it looks freaking HUGE. I can’t believe I set myself that large of a garden to maintain. MY GOD. But with the fabric down and mulch on the way, it should be possible. *crosses fingers that slugs won't eat everything*

I saved one patch, the one with the most-broken-down compost, for the new pea patch. It’s RIGHT next to the driveway, in a section where people tend to drive right over the flowerbed and lawn, so it is risky. I might wind up losing my peas. But, there it is. I found my bamboo from last year and stuck it in, then planted the peas and covered the entire area with mulch. It looks fantastic, but the mulch is quite thin and may not be enough, though I can place more mulch after the pea shoots come up. I didn’t soak the peas overnight, so it might be several days or weeks before conditions are favorable for germination.

So, the garden looks fabulous for once. I need to still cover the back-yard garden with the landscape fabric—which will be interesting, since it’s more compacted and just as uneven, plus there are a couple of annuals out there (astilbe and hydrangea). And I need to make pathways in both front and back with something firm that can take a lot of wear and won’t biodegrade. The gardening fund will make it possible for me to finally make a dent in all of that—whether or not I can actually finish it. And, I need to finish it off with some kind of border. I think a low wooden border would probably be best with a natural but treated wood—something that won’t be destroyed if someone happens to drive on it, but tall enough that a driver will notice when they hit it.

The gardening really wore me out well, and when I came in to the house after cleaning up I spent some time stretching, especially for my back, and that was well worth it. If nothing else, I’m glad Coach Nicole (at SparkPeople.com) taught me how to stretch! Rick had made a fantastic dinner [chicken and mushrooms with balsamic vinegar, potatoes and mixed veg] and we watched Burn Notice before coming upstairs. In the evening I did watch a couple episodes of “What Not To Wear” just because I had put that on my list of things I wanted to do, although it was supposed to be inspiration and information for shopping. Now I can take a couple more things off the DVR.

Today I buy fruit trees and groceries, plant the trees, and we're going to a beer tasting and screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail at Studo 35! WHEW!