Angelus

Update...

phoenixshadow — Tue, 22 Apr 2014 07:22:33 GMT

So back to my last post more then three months ago...

Danielle is back in Florida, and when we speak (yes, we speak even if it is rare) all the fecking emotions come back.

I feel like after the breakup, I skipped the whiny stage and jumped straight into the pissed off stage while we were still living together.

Then back in March, I returned to our apartment to find her stuff gone. I knew that was what I was going to see when I got back from work that day, but it was a gut punch. She tried her best to comfort me, a lovely hug where she just held me, but it didn't help. Her father was up from Florida to help her move and took us to dinner, and he said the one thing that was meant to help but made it all the more worse...

As a Southern Gentleman, he told me I would always be welcome at his dinner table. Was nice of him, and meant a lot, but still hurt, a lot. It said, "not only did I do nothing wrong, but I more then did everything right and if that is the case, how is any of us going to be able to find happiness?"

I am not saying I was perfect, but in that moment that was how I felt.

I moved back to Watertown, and am terribly indebted to Ryan and Milli for allowing me back into Chezgeek, but have been so depressed.

I hibernate in my room when I am not working, or going out to the club to drink and forget, or am not at the gym killing myself in an attempt to kill the relationship gut I have developed.

(Positive- throwing extra income at paying my negative equity in my car; up for a new job at work that will offer a whole lot more $$$ if I get it and started drawing and writing again)

Today was Boston Marathon Monday... A year since the bombing, I worked, dealt with traffic, and was relieved nothing happened. Went to Ceremony, and took some comfort in hearing about some relationship difficulties others were having (and frankly felt bad that I took comfort in it)

Now it is three in the morning, I am wide awake, feeling a whole collection of shit, and watching Doogie Howser MD...

Blah

So it has been awhile

phoenixshadow — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 22:55:20 GMT

Fuckfuckfuckfuck

So this is the only place I can post nowadays where certain people do not have access...

More then a week ago, the girlfriend tells me she is moving back to Florida at the end of our lease on our place (April 1st) and she doesn't want me to go with her because she is miserable here and she knows I'd be miserable here....

Today, playing around on LinkedIn, I find an ex whom I haven't heard from in years, and whose breakup has been the focus of many entires here on livejournal, (although I think I deleted more then a few of them in protest to my feelings)

And now I am all wound up. I have gotten encouragement to go no further, but feck this is fucking with me...

phoenixshadow — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:15:53 GMT

Hate being alone...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Another Day In Paradise

phoenixshadow — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:42:53 GMT

the sour faces, the crowded bodies, the half smiles between the polite and the ones attracted to each other amongst a sea of grumps and people who haven't had that required first cup of coffee; it is a typical commute in the city of boston on the MBTA trains.

people, including myself, are self involved in their cell phones and ipads and kindles; blocking other people out with their music players blasting out a strange audio collage that spans from Yanni to Opeth and everything in between.

we are all isolated. despite how jammed in this subway car we are, we have put up borders around ourselves to avoid one another.

Is humanity so frightening, so intimidating, that we cannot take a moment to make a new friend? Or are we, as a species, dependent on our technologies and stories and entertainment that it means more to us then conversing with a stranger? Or are we so shy and concerned with the opinions of others (and in this case, those we don't know) that we'd rather cut ourselves off rather than appearing the fool to anyone else?

It is another day in paradise, where the lonely do everything they can, to stop anyone from getting close.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

phoenixshadow — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 14:36:54 GMT

Open enrollment for Health Insurance happens every year at my company,
very typical. Three years ago, I added my girlfriend as a beneficiary
on my life insurance. Nothing huge, just her and my mother would have
split more than $100,000, more than enough to cover my ‘final
expenses’ should the worst happen.

Today, I removed her as a beneficiary.

We broke up months ago, and quite frankly, I had forgotten all about
the Life Insurance thing. She dumped me, won’t talk to me, but I
thought I was ok with it, until I had to remove her from being a
beneficiary on my life insurance should something happen to me.

I think I am coping with this worse than I thought…

Maybe I just need to get laid.

Maybe I need to stop using sexual humor as a way to deflect.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

sigh

phoenixshadow — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 02:08:43 GMT

I keep wanting to reach out and talk to her, the silence between us is deafening...

I hate this so much

phoenixshadow — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 17:18:21 GMT

New Technology both amuses me and makes me laugh!
Once upon a time, cell phones came out and gave us the ability to be reachable outside of our homes and places of work. Wonderful! What was even cooler is some of the older phones ended up looking like sc-fi fantasy junk. (IE, every flip phone ever reminds me of the communicators in the Original Star Trek, especially the Star Tac. Nerds must have designed them.)
Then, they gave cell phones the ability to send short alpha numeric messages, or SMS, or simply stated a text message. So instead of calling someone, you could send them a 160 character message that at first, took longer to type into the phone then if you just called the person directly. At first, I thought that this ability was rather silly, especially when text shorthand came out, + u cld hve entire convos w/ only a few ky strokes (I hate text short hand and attempt to use it as little as possible, though I might start using 4Q. If you do not know what that means, please go to your nearest Church and start saying 4Q out loud over and over again until someone tells you what it means. I swear it won’t take long), but I now find that in an average month I send and received over 2,000 of these little bastards, using text messaging far more for conversations on my phone than actually phone calls. (text messaging is rather like a cult, converting all to its degenerate ways)
And now, there is this new program called Dragon. Dragon is a program that can convert speech into text. It was first available to consumers for their personal computers with the idea it be used to write documents faster than ever before, but it is now available on cell phones. So now, texters have the ability to speak into their phone, that Dragon then generates that into an alphanumeric message, that can then be sent to another phone, and with another and completely separate program, can then be read out loud to the receiving party, by passing any need for human beings the need to have the ability to type and/or the ability to read.
So basically, cell phones have gone from a tool that helps us stay in contact easier with the important people in our lives (IE parents, children, friends, work, bill collector, Jerry Springer) to a tool we can use to minimize our interpersonal relationships (IE ignore Mom and Dad and the kids; screen calls from friends and work; never interact with Bill Collectors and ensure your only interaction with Jerry Springer is the occasional sick day where nothing else is on TV).
To further this point, I am going to post this on LiveJournal and place a link for it on Facebook, where the feedback will be in comments that I can freely roll my eyes at, ignore, delete, ‘like’, or simply reply with an over used LOL all with the use of my Cell Phone.

June Sucks for Michael

phoenixshadow — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 01:53:37 GMT

So first off, it has been FOREVER since I have been on Livejournal... seems freaking weird, damn Facebook consuming my online interest.

So June always seems to fucking suck for me.

-Video Shoot is cancelled
-Printer at work breaks down... 3 weeks without a working printer, and it is still not fixed
-Car breaks down
-End up with Pneumonia

and of course, Thursday, my girls would have been 7 years old.

Cannnot wait to be home tomorrow, when I can start drinking and hopefully spend Thursday in a blissful drunken coma.

from last night's 30 Rock!

phoenixshadow — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:09:52 GMT

Love this show, so fucking needed this laugh today

Awe.... wait for it.... SOME

phoenixshadow — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:39:23 GMT

too fucking weirdi

phoenixshadow — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:14:16 GMT

It is kinda weird, when you find an ex after a decade, who really screwed with you emotionally... and she is hotter now then she was then. There is no justice in the cosmos

To the Rocky Peoples

phoenixshadow — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:46:45 GMT

Kyle Koslowski's doppleganger? You decide (cross referenced on Facebook)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33733718/ns/entertainment-celebrities/

phoenixshadow — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:20:16 GMT

thank you Erica for posting this

phoenixshadow — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:34:07 GMT

whoa

phoenixshadow — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:16:03 GMT

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/americanidoltracker/2009/06/carly-smithson-to-join-forces-with-exevanescence-musicians-to-become-the-fallen.html

When does Birthdays become something we dread?

phoenixshadow — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:25:35 GMT

So yesterday was my B-Day. I am a whole 21 year's old (wink)

As children, our parent's (sometimes) let us skip school, throw us parties, spoil us with toys and CDs and Games, make us our favorite meal and cake... and we spend all year looking forward to it

and then it all changes

then it becomes a couple drinks with friends, maybe a gift or two, we sometimes have to work, and it means, we are just getting older. We dread our Birthdays to a certain degree

Know what I mean? At what point do you think the change happened to you?

Squee! Concept Art for Kingdom Hearts III

phoenixshadow — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 17:29:28 GMT

I found these on www.ign.com

LMAO

phoenixshadow — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:19:02 GMT

phoenixshadow — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:03:54 GMT

I just had a religious experience with a 22oz Sam Adams Drafts

Squee!

phoenixshadow — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:31:29 GMT

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/1997-Pete-379-Optimus-Prime-Movie-Truck-Replica_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trkparmsZ65Q3a12Q7c39Q3a1Q7c72Q3a1171QQ_trksidZp4506Q2ec0Q2em245QQhashZitem35a237cf18QQitemZ230354833176QQptZCommercialQ5fTrucksQQsalenotsupported#ht_1292wt_1197

its the country Stephen Lynch

phoenixshadow — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:42:36 GMT

pretty

phoenixshadow — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:07:43 GMT

http://cgi.ebay.com/Zelda-Twilight-Princess-Fantasy-Video-Game-Sword-Plaqu_W0QQitemZ170340560656QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item27a916af10&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

http://cgi.ebay.com/Link-Hylian-Shield-Twilight-Princess-Legend-Zelda-Sword_W0QQitemZ330341488469QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4ce9e31755&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

phoenixshadow — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 12:44:08 GMT

ok, I am breaking down and going to see the Transformers movie this afternoon, who wants to come?

Want One

phoenixshadow — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:30:50 GMT

http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/product.aspx?product=MUS10039&mode=retail

phoenixshadow — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:49:50 GMT

They would have been 6 today...