<p>Another success story for the internet and its "long tail"! Back in the 1960's there was an obscure British pop band called The Beatles. Critics loved them, but fans never really caught on, especially in America, where teen music lovers said "we're perfectly happy with Bobby Rydell, but thanks for your interest" (they didn't say this metaphorically, they actually said it - there was a t-shirt and everything.) So it wasn't until the band got its own video game a few months ago that these Beatles finally won over the mainstream. </p> <p>And now that they're here, man, they're everywhere! I thought it was time to learn more about the group and their biggest hit, "Revolution 9." And the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Revolution_9&amp;oldid=321074999" target="blank">Wikipedia article on "Revolution 9"</a>, to borrow a Beatles phrase, didn't let me down: </p> <blockquote><p>At over eight minutes, it is the longest track on the album, as well as the longest Beatles track ever officially released, <b>excluding the unreleased track "Carnival of Light"</b></p></blockquote> <p>Maybe back in the 60's people weren't sure if an unreleased song could be the longest released song in a band's catalog. Just imagine how big the Beatles might have been if Wikipedia had been around to clear up things like this! </p> <p>Is there any facet of society that isn't in decline? It was no surprise when movies gave up on plot, characters and dialogue to focus on more CGI shots of collapsing landmarks. Books started with the Gutenberg Bible; we're all praying for an end now that we've reached <em><b>Dr. Oz's Three Months To Better Sex Challenge: The Visual Dictionary</b></em>. And music died the day Billy Joel went well beyond his mandate from Congress and decided we were "all in the mood for a melody." </p> <p>But then video games came along, and we were dealing with Important Things again. Rescuing princesses. Defending Earth from hordes of alien invaders. Digging... stuff (what exactly <em>was</em> the premise of Dig Dug?). Clara Peller should've looked into video games, because that's where the beef was. </p> <p>But now it is 2009, and everything is up for grabs. This is a screenshot from the game <a href="http://www.gamespot.com/pc/strategy/playboymansion/images/6117471/5/?tag=thumbs_below;thumb;5" target="blank">Playboy: The Mansion</a>:</p> <div align="center"><img src="http://www.livingindefinitely.com/files/images/tomarnold110209.jpg" alt="Tom Arnold agrees to an interview!" /></div> <p>So if progress is to be believed, blowing up asteroids or getting a frog across a busy stretch of road is a poorer, less mature video gaming experience than chasing a virtual Tom Arnold around the Playboy Mansion. </p> <p>I weep for the future. </p> <p>For trenchant media theory and criticism, look no further than <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVtVZWzhG_s&amp;feature=related" target="blank">random people on YouTube</a>! </p> <blockquote><p>In the pilot episode [of The Critic], we were treated to three quick parodies right off the bat. Keep in mind this show was made in 1994, <b>and how within the first two minutes, it already bares an incredible similarity to Family Guy. </b></p></blockquote> <p>The similarity "bares" further examination, too: Family Guy, as we all know, was founded in 1999, which is five years AFTER The Critic made its debut. Which means that Al Jean and those other guys are actually shapeshifters who live backwards in time and steal ideas from TV producers in the future. And eat unsuspecting celebrities (Ted Kennedy and Walter Cronkite weren't ill, folks). </p> <p>And they're not the only ones. That Captain Kirk fella looks an awful lot like the people on Star Trek: The Next Generation! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W42IY_SgCY4&amp;feature=related" target="blank">ANOTHER SHOW THAT THE CRITIC BARES AN INCREDIBLE SIMILARITY TO, JUST LOOK:</a> </p> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/W42IY_SgCY4&hl=en&fs=1&" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/W42IY_SgCY4&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><p> We'll pick this up during next week's lecture, "'Saved By The Bell' and the incredible similarity it bares to 'Saved By The Bell: The College Years'"</p> <p>These Movie Moments keep cropping up, don't they? <a href="http://www.netflix.com/wizardofoz/ozyourself?mId=31616977.3&amp;doorId=497&amp;clientId=211" target="blank">Richard Nixon Scarecrow</a> isn't perhaps as flattering as <a href="http://www.livingindefinitely.com/node/980">Nixon/Terminator hybrid</a>, but seeing the 37th President of the United States sing and dance with Judy Garland is... exactly why I had to start this project in the first place. </p> <p>Dance, Mr. President Nixon! Dance your way into our hearts! </p> <object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://content.oddcast.com/host/ozyourself/swf/VS_Widget_shell_gate.swf?clientId=211&doorId=497&mid=31616977.4&pid=4ac15776f955e171" id="w4ab2ed9c9fa144904ac15776f955e171" height="300" width="440"> <param value="http://content.oddcast.com/host/ozyourself/swf/VS_Widget_shell_gate.swf?clientId=211&doorId=497&mid=31616977.4&pid=4ac15776f955e171" name="movie" /> <param value="opaque" name="wmode" /> <param value="mid=31616977.4&pid=4ac15776f955e171" name="flashvars" /> <param value="all" name="allowNetworking" /> <param value="always" name="allowScriptAccess" /> <param value="true" name="allowFullScreen" /></object> <p>In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by three separate, but equally important groups: the police who investigate crime, the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Pn-_0U0mE" target="blank">five Eyeores who perform the theme to "Law and Order"</a>. </p> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r7Pn-_0U0mE&hl=en&fs=1&" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r7Pn-_0U0mE&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><p> Undoubtedly Dick Wolf is working on a spinoff. "Law and Order: Curmudgeonly Donkey Unit" </p> <p><img src="http://www.livingindefinitely.com/files/images/orkinman092309.gif" alt="The Orkin Man" /> </p><p><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20090923/lf_ucda/womansshockingdiscoveryputsmaninunmarkedgrave" target="blank">This is why I love advice columns:</a></p> <blockquote><p>For 15 years I was a happily married homemaker with a wonderful husband. "Duncan" and I attended church together, frolicked through the fields, <b>even exterminated rodents together.</b> He was my best friend. It was bliss.</p></blockquote> <p>It's a romantic paradise worthy of a syrupy Nora Ephron movie, isn't it? Tom Hanks, a sweet, lonely single father, spends weekends mindlessly parenting some annoying kid or other while longing to waste squirrels with a soulmate. Along comes Meg Ryan with a latte in one hand and a pellet gun in the other... </p> <p>And yet, <em>blissful rodent extermination isn't even the end of the story!</em> Read on: </p> <blockquote><p>Last year I found out my father had had an affair with Duncan's mother the year I was born, which makes him my half-brother! The news was too much for my husband. He had a fatal heart attack not long after.</p> <p>What should I put on his gravestone -- "Loving Brother" or "Loving Husband"?</p></blockquote> <p>Abby suggests "He was everything to me," which I thought was damned close to perfect. Sure beats my suggestion: </p> <blockquote><p>Together forever, and never to part<br /> Together forever we two<br /> And don't you know I would exterminate rodents<br /> To be together forever with you...</p></blockquote> <p>Now if you'll excuse me, there's a trash-talking chinchilla in the yard that needs some schoolin'. </p> <p>Think being called "the next Einstein" means squat? <a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071016022856AAiZyAO" target="blank">Aw hell no, Stephen Hawking. Yahoo Answers user "Weasel Features" is calling your ass out!</a></p> <div align="center"><img src="http://www.livingindefinitely.com/files/hawkings082409.gif" alt="'Weasel Features' asks: 'Stephen Hawkings is so pretencious? Born in Kent, England and talks in an American accent. Should never forget your routes.'" /></div> <p>Don't get distracted by the three typos, or the fact that "Stephen Hawkings is so pretencious?" isn't a question. What you got to think about is that HAWKING AIN'T REPRESENTIN'! Who does that dude think he is, with that damn American robot voice? Damn. And no routes, either! Damn! </p> <p>If Weasel Features has a posse, I want in. </p> <p>The punishment for being a liar clearly demonstrated: </p> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv0K5Of5FO8&hl=en&fs=1&" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bv0K5Of5FO8&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><p> Thanks, <a href="http://www.aboutcolonblank.com/2009/08/21/never-pour-gasoline-over-your-crotch/" target="blank">About:Blank</a></p> <p>I keep a list on my computer of things that I am confused about. The first item is "Why aren't more things made out of NERF?" The second is "why aren't more things made out of jelly," and you can see where this is going. But after item 53 ("why aren't more things made out of used bandannas") comes an important question: "Is the title to the Yo La Tengo song 'Tom Courtenay' a reference to anyone?" And for years I could not figure out the answer, because the song title was just too vague! <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Tom_Courtenay&amp;oldid=225341619#Pop_Culture_References" target="blank">OH WAIT THANK GOD FOR THIS ARTICLE</a></p> <blockquote><p>Tom Courtenay has been referenced several times in pop culture, for example in the song <b>"Tom Courtenay"</b> by Yo La Tengo.</p></blockquote> <p>Whew! Well, that's one item off the list. But this has me wondering about some other songs I've heard lately, such as<br /> "So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright" by Simon and Garfunkel, "James K. Polk" by They Might Be Giants or "Don Henley Must Die" by Mojo Nixon. And I don't see Wikipedia articles explaining those. Help! </p> <p>Also: why aren't more things made out of dried Liquid Paper? </p> <div align="center"><img src="http://www.livingindefinitely.com/files/srmonopolio081109.gif" alt="Senor Monopolio twists his mustache and plots evil deeds" /></div> <p>Mr. Monopoly's brother here just oozes evil, doesn't he? I call him Senor Monopolio, and in his original misadventure, <a href="http://www.boingboing.net/2009/07/03/naacp-comic-from-ear.html" target="blank">he twisted his mustache toward the nefarious goal of putting "the powerful interests" ahead of minority voters</a>. </p> <p>That was back in the 1960's, but he must certainly be up to something now. As part of our newest caption contest, <b>you must deduce the evil cause toward which evil Senor Monopolio is twirling his evil mustache</b>. The winner gets a coupon from the next Multiverse of Savings coupon flyer we get in the mail. </p> <p>(Thanks, <a href="http://www.boingboing.net/2009/07/03/naacp-comic-from-ear.html" target="blank">BoingBoing</a>)</p>