Living Out Loud

Lighten up!

2009-07-20T11:19:48+01:00

(a Thought for the Week)

"I can think of no better way of redeeming this tragic world today than love and laughter. Too many of the young have forgotten how to laugh, and too many of the elders have forgotten how to love. Would not our lives be lightened if only we could all learn to laugh more easily at ourselves and to love one another." ~ Theodore Hesburgh

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it." - Bill Cosby

"Enlightenment means to lighten up. Don't take yourself too seriously." ~ Deepak Chopra

Photo by Tela Chhe

I forgot about Awareness

2009-07-16T14:16:47+01:00

Last week, I was on the final leg of my meditation teacher training. And the subject of Awareness came up quite a bit, because when you meditate regularly you will naturally develop a higher sense of self-awareness.

And on the first day, as I heard the word coming up, it dawned on me: OMG, when I wrote A is for . . . to kickstart my A-Z of Happiness series, I totally forgot to include Awareness!!! And Awareness is the starting point!!!!!!!

How utterly remiss of me.

When I first began writing on the subject of personal development, Awareness was my hot topic. And here I was, leaving out the most fundamental building block of the whole process of taking responsibility for becoming a happier person. So I thought to myself, I better put that right as soon as I get back home.

And then when I did get home, Neale Donald Walshe sent this timely reminder:

On this day of your life, Hilda, I believe God wants you to know....that awareness is not a gift that some have and others cannot attain. Awareness is your birthright and your inheritance. You have it now.

It is not a question of whether you have it, but of whether you are using it. All human beings have the gift of Awareness. Yet not all are aware that they are Aware. When you are aware that you are Aware, your experience of Awareness shifts to a new level. That is why this is being sent to you today. You called this forth , out of your own inner Awareness. This is You, waking you up.

Today, walk in Awareness. Do so by simply choosing to do so. Allow yourself to be aware of every person's feelings, of what fits perfectly and is 'right' in every moment, of what is wanted and needed from you as a healer and a messenger Right Here, Right Now. Walk in this Awareness, and watch your life change today.

So, without further ado, let me rewind. When it comes to the A-Z of Happiness, A is for . . .

Awareness; Accepting the Present as it is; Affirmations; Attention & The Law of Attraction; Attitude

Awareness is the foundation of the points that followed, and everything else that comes under every other letter. Because without awareness, you cannot change your attitude, thoughts, beliefs or behaviours. In order to be proactive about your own happiness, you need to consciously choose your perspective and your approach to life. You need to be aware of your beliefs and your thought patterns before you can make the conscious decision to change them. And often, we are completely unaware of the subconsciously held beliefs that are sabotaging our ability to create the lives we wish for.

So, if you're going to apply any of the tips that I have outlined already, or will outline as we continue from E to Z, you're definitely going to need to tap into your self-awareness.

If you're already there, that's great! You're off to a flying start. But if you would like some tips on how to develop greater self-awareness try the following:

At the end of each day, journal about how you felt during different experiences, and what thoughts did you have immediately prior to, during and after each experience. Identify which activities you enjoyed, and what it was that you appreciated about them. Likewise, what would you prefer to leave out of your schedule and why?
Pay attention to your body, and its response to the food you eat, the activity you participate in and the company you keep. Your body will always have a response of either comfort or discomfort. Start to really notice when it's experiencing discomfort (often this can be subtle and we can miss it). Then ask yourself how you can move towards greater comfort - this will move you towards your higher good, whether it's physcially, mentally, spiritually or emotionally.
Identify your beliefs, values and needs. Do your beliefs serve you well? (Refer to B is for . . . for more on why this is important and what to do about it if your beliefs are limiting you). Are you honoring your own personal values (click here to download an exercise to help you identify your top 5 values)? Are you crystal clear on what your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional needs are? To be happy you need to have all your needs met, and the first step in that process is knowing exactly what they are. Make a list today...
Meditate! Meditation quietens the mind and the body, and this quietening down will help with the other exercises. In fact, before doing the exercises to get clarity around your beliefs, values and needs, it would be a great help to meditate for a few minutes right before hand. But quite apart from that, people who meditate regularly begin to notice after a while that they're naturally more self-aware, along with a great many other side benefits (stay tuned to future posts to learn more).

I hope those tips help. And again, I apologise for leaving out the foundation to this whole series. I'll try to do better in future ;-)

The series so far:

Let go and let God

2009-07-13T09:15:00+01:00

(a Thought for the Week)

"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit." ~ Emmanuel Teney

Photo by Kevin Dooley

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~ E. M. Forester

"The road of life can only reveal itself as it is travelled; each turn in the road reveals a surprise. Man's future is hidden." ~ Unknown

Make the world a better place

2009-07-06T09:42:00+01:00

(a Thought for the Week)

Free Hugs

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." ~ Anne Frank

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change." ~ Michael Jackson

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." ~ Mahatma Ghandi

The A - Z of Happiness: D is for . . .

2009-07-01T11:09:00+01:00

Deliberately create your day

Believe it or not, it is possible to radically alter how you feel without changing your circumstances and here is a simple technique to help you do this:

Each morning, before you dive head-first into your day, think very clearly about how you want your day to be, and most importantly how you want to be during the day. If you want, you could even write it down in a small notebook - I did when I first started practicing this technique - so that you can handily refer to it later in the day whenever you notice you're no longer centred in that place of being.

But whether you do it in writing or in your mind's eye, the most important thing is that you decide how you want your day to go, and then focus on that for at least a few minutes before you get started. The more energy you can put into these thoughts, the better your day will be.

So if you normally spend your journey to work thinking “Ugh, I have to do x and meet y, and I’m tired and stressed", or other thoughts along those lines, try going over and over in your mind your new script instead:

“Today I get through my workload productively and effectively. I’m relaxed and confident and I capably deal with every situation whether it is planned or unexpected. I feel great all day and enjoy what I’m doing and the people I’m interacting with.”

Substitute the above for whatever you want from your day and be amazed at the difference it can make.

When I first tried this technique I was in a very sceptical place. But I was also so miserable at work that I figured I had nothing to lose. So I opened my mind just enough to give it a go. I had such an amazing day it really blew my mind, and I have never looked back : )

Try it and see for yourself!

Detach from your Desires

"Life is a tide; float on it. Go down with it and go up with it, but be detached. Then it is not difficult." ~ Prem Rawal

If you could let go of all your attachments you would also let go of the source of much of your unhappiness. Attachment to our desires is about more than our material desires, but also our emotional and spiritual desires. It's attachment to how we think things should be, or how we would really like them to be.

It can be attachment to the idea that we have to have full physical health in order to be happy, or that we have to be sad for a time if someone we love leaves us. While these ideas may seem logical, it actually doesn't have to be that way. These are merely beliefs. And, as discussed in B is for... they rule our lives, BUT they can also be changed if they don't serve us well.

The concept of detaching from our desires is one I am constantly working on, but I see time and again how important it is to my happiness. Having desires is not an impediment to being happy - it is natural and normal, and is what gives us impetus to get out of bed in the mornings and live our lives. But being attached to having our desires manifest is a very real obstacle - to our happiness, and in fact to the manifestation we wish for.

Attachment is an obstacle to having what you want in your life, because it is resistance to the way things are unfolding. And what you resist persists. When you cling to the idea that you cannot be happy unless things happen in a certain way, then you are closing down other avenues that could lead you to where you ultimately want to go.

To be happier and more content, no matter how things are unfolding, the approach to aim for is preference:

This is the way things are (and I accept that for now), but this is how I'd prefer things to be (and I align my thoughts, words and actions with that outcome), but if something else manifests instead I will accept that too (as being for my highest good).

This formula works beautifully for me - when I remember to apply it! BUT learning to detach isn't all that easy. At least I don't find it so. Like everything else outlined in this series, it requires self-awareness and commitment. You need to notice when you are attached to something, and then set the intention to let it go.

Try using this affirmation by Florence Scovel Shinn:

"I do not resist the situation. I put it in the hands of infinite love and wisdom and let the divine idea come to pass."

(For more on affirmations, refer back to A is for...)

Then ask yourself if the outcome you're attached to is really what you want, or is it a 'how' to achieve what it is you really want. Because the goals we set ourselves are usually not the root desire we think they are, but a vehicle for us to achieve what is is we're really after.

For example, you may want a promotion at work, and focus all of your energy on achieving that, but what you're really after is a feeling of recognition. If you let go of the idea that you have to get a promotion, you open up the path for other opportunities to come your way that will help you build that feeling of recognition from within.

When you let go of your desire to have things just so, you widen your horizons and your perspective. Suddenly new ideas and possibilities occur to you, and often things can work out much better than if you stuck to your guns and pursued your origninal idea to the letter.

You'll also be alot happier while you're waiting for your desire to manifest. You'll trust that if it's not happening the way you want or planned, it's still happening for your highest good. And you'll also trust that you'll be delighted with the outcome - even if it's not what you originally hoped for.

Declutter your life

De-cluttering your physical space can have an amazingly uplifting effect on your mood. Feng Shui experts claim that buildings and furniture store the memories of events in the form of energy, and that by de-cluttering you can clear the energy of historic traumatic events.

Now maybe you'd buy into that kind of theory and maybe you wouldn't. But I don't know anybody who has ever de-cluttered and would deny the positive benefits of clearing the physical space in their environment. And - if you are open to it - physical de-cluttering can also have a cathartic effect on you mentally, spiritually and emotionally. It really can!

Clutter causes energy to get stuck. And the energy in our physical environment can both influence and reflect our inner energy. By clearing our clutter we free up the flow of energy in our physical environment, and this also frees up the flow of our psychic energy.

When we let go of things we’ve been hoarding for a long time, we often let go of emotional memories we’ve been hanging onto along with them (albeit unconsciously), and so by clearing physical clutter you can clear space in your head and in your heart as well as your home.

If you are open-minded about Feng Shui, then identify what areas of your home correspond energetically with different aspects of your life. Then declutter with intention! (For a beginners guide to Feng Shui read Daphne's series of posts on the subject)

Tips for clearing your physical clutter:

Look at your home and identify the areas that need decluttering. Break it down into small tasks that can be tackled over a period of time, rather than one big project to be done in a day.
Start small with everyday areas like the kitchen table and build momentum towards the areas you avoid because the idea of tackling them is just overwhelming.
Go through your stuff and for each item ask yourself Do I love it? Do I need it? Do I use it? If you can answer yes to any of them, it stays. If it’s no to all, then it goes.
Divide everything into four piles: Keep, Recycle, Donate and Dump. As soon as you’re done, remove the items that aren’t staying straight away and deliver them to their new destination.
Once your big clear out is done, avoid a new build up by clearing out little and often.

And as well as the obvious physical clutter that you can see, you can also have mental and emotional clutter blocking the flow of energy in your life, and clearing this out will help to improve your emotional wellbeing. Examples include undone/unfinished tasks, people/activities that drain you of energy, remaining angry at people, busyness - filling up your schedule with activities you feel duty-bound to do, and leaving no time to nourish your soul and refresh your body.

All of these issues take up space in your head, often in the form of "shoulds". You can try and distract your conscious mind from them, but you can't fool your unconscious mind, which is aware of everything. And as long as you have mental clutter hanging around, you are draining your psychic energy.

Clearing this kind of clutter doesn't mean you have to attend to everything waiting to be done. In some cases you can simply decide to let it go - to not do it - because it's really not that important. It ceases to be clutter as soon as you stop having it on your mental 'to do' list.

Decluttering at the mental or emotional level will revive your drooping spirit!

Tips on clearing mental/emotional clutter:

Make a list of anything you’ve been procrastinating over, and ask yourself why you have been putting it off. What can you tackle and what can you let go of? When you’re clear on what you definitely has to be done, make a plan and get to it.
Stop worrying. There is nothing constructive about worrying – it won’t help you avoid the outcome you’re worrying about and it’ll destroy your ability to enjoy the present. When a worrying thought arises, quash it straight away and sing along with me “Everything’s gonna be alright, everything’s gonna be alright” Focus your energy on what you’d like to happen instead.
Follow through on promises and commitments. When you’ve said you’ll do something but you keep putting it on the long finger, it drains you of energy. If you can’t or don’t want to see them through, then be upfront about it and withdraw your promise.
Let go of anger and forgive. When somebody hurts you badly, it’s a normal response to feel anger, and to not want to forgive. But anger is bad for your health, both physical and emotional, so it’s actually in your interests to let it go and forgive the other person. Forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to welcome them back into your life with open arms, it just means letting go of the memory of what they’ve done to you and the feelings that go with it. Maybe you feel like the other person doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but don’t you deserve to move on and leave the pain behind?
Say no to people and activities that drag you down. Instead, surround yourself with people who uplift you and do things that make you feel great!
As with your physical clear out, don’t make this a once-off project or an irregular purge. Develop clutter free habits in every aspect of your life, and you will enjoy an easier flow through life on a continuous basis.

Live your life fully - today!

2009-06-29T10:14:00+01:00

A Thought for the Week

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this." ~ Henry David Thoreau

"Live life so completely that when death comes to you like a thief in the night, there will be nothing left for him to steal." ~ Unknown

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." ~ Helen Keller

"We don't have endless days. We have today." ~ Unknown

photo by Tony Crider

Don't be afraid of making a mistake

2009-06-22T12:25:00+01:00

A Thought for the Week

"The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect." ~ Adam Osborne

"Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out." ~ Benjamin Franklin

photo by Kiskisbreeze

"After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." ~ Sophia Loren

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" ~ Spencer Johnson

The Game of Life June 09

2009-06-19T17:37:34+01:00

New here on my blog, The Game of Life is an ezine I have been sending to subscribers via email for three and a half years. To receive your copy direct to your email inbox click here.

This edition is focussed on surviving and thriving during difficult times. It's inspired by the global economic crisis that is causing widespread stress and despair, and so there are a few resources that focus directly on dealing with being unemployed right now.

However, "difficult times" aren't limited to financial hardships, and can apply in every area of our lives. So, there's also some resources that look at dealing with difficult situations in general. I hope you find something of use to you.

Read on...

"We’re living in a time where nearly everyone is feeling overwhelmed with the changes and problems in the world. Some of us feel stuck, uninspired and fearful. Others have suffered major losses and feel hopeless and helpless. Some people find ways to thrive even in bad times. They refuse to fall into 'the sky is falling mode'.”

In this post Tess of The Bold Life outlines no fewer than 77 ways to lighten up in tough times. And here she provides a list of the simple joys in life that money really and truly cannot buy. Just reading it will give you a lift.

Life is like climbing a mountain!

"We’ll stumble along the way in life. Our ego’s will be bruised. We might be broken financially or emotionally. Yet, that doesn’t mean we’re finished, or that our mountain peak isn't attainable."

In this post Lance from The Jungle of Life beautifully describes the various life lessons we can gain from this metaphor. If it feels like you're climbing a mountain right now, you may find some solace in this.

Meditation is the perfect antidote to stress!

I am just a few weeks away from being certified (hopefully) as an instructor in primordial sound meditation, and I believe that meditation could actually be the perfect solution to all of the worlds ills! It's a big claim I know, which is probably why I have yet to blog about it!

Whether you'd go along with such a huge claim or not, there is plenty of scientific evidence as to the wonderful benefits of meditation. And happily, Roger from A Content Life has posted a wonderful six part series on meditation for beginners.

There are many, many different ways to meditate, and how you do it isn't really important. We don't judge our meditation by the experience during the practice but by the results in our lives afterwards. So, the key is to experiment with different techniques until you find one that suits you. Roger's series is perfect for people new to meditation and walks you through a few different techniques.

If you are out of work:

Although the landscape is very bleak at the moment, there are jobs out there to be found. The difficulty though in the current climate is that the competition is fierce. Because unemployment rates are so high the sheer quantity of applications for vacant positions is overwhelming to those doing the hiring.

The first hurdle in a job search is just to get noticed. Sending out blanket job applications is a surefire strategy to receive blanket rejection - and that will begin to knock your self confidence, the one thing you really need to nurture right now.

If you're in the job market, you'll need to get a bit more creative about your approach and this article outlines many real-life examples of how people have gotten hired during the current recession. Be sure to read the last two paragraphs too - they're important!

Staying Positive

This Wall Street Journal article looks at the benefits of volunteering, not only for the feel-good factor of doing something worthwhile with your time, but also because of the opportunity to upskill and open yourself up to a potential new career.

And here, Bob Lotich writes about how maintaining a positive attitude in the face of being laid off can help you find your next (maybe even better) job.

Book Review

There is a spiritual solution to every problem by Wayne Dyer.

In this book Dyer takes a prayer by St Francis of Assisi and breaks it down into a series of lessons. He proposes that, if applied in your day to day life, these concepts will raise the vibration of your energy. What this means essentially, is that you'll live your life in closer relationship with your Spirit, and thereby find a spiritual solution to any issue that arises.

Dyer's own sense of inner peace pervades his writing, and he provides many, many practical examples from his own life and the lives of his readers as to how these principles really do provide solutions that you wouldn't logically expect.

The book is divided into two sections. The first provides an easy-to-grasp theoretical foundation to what it means and why it's important to align your energy with that of Spirit. Part two gives you the practical steps - how to align your energy with Spirit by following the principles outlined in St Francis' prayer.

Maybe you have some serious problems in your life right now, and maybe you don't. But one thing is for sure, you will have serious problems to deal with between now and the end of your days. That's a given. And our challenge in this life lies in how we deal with each issue that arises. Reading this book will (in my humble opinion) help you to prepare for, and cope with those challenges as and when they come up.

The prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life. ~ Saint Francis of Assisi

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"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted." ~ William Hastie

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That's my round up of resources on surviving and thriving during difficult times. Next issue (end July/early August) the theme will be self-esteem and giving it a work-out.

In the meantime, any other links to resources on dealing with difficult circumstances will be very welcome!

The A - Z of Happiness: C is for . . .

2009-06-16T08:38:00+01:00

The Comparison trap (and not falling into it)

One way to decrease your happiness is to compare your life, or aspects of it, with that of others. On the surface, there is always someone “better” off than us, and always someone “worse” off than us. But when you fall into the comparison trap, chances are you usually end up focussing more on those who have more, rather than those who have less. And if you do that, envy will start to surface – to your own detriment.

All of reality is perception. Perceive your life from a positive angle and you cannot help feeling positive about it, and consequently you will feel happier than if you choose to take the pessimistic view.

Life is a game, and the results you get are a direct consequence of your thoughts, words and actions. You may not be able to control all the situations that arise in your life, but you are always in control of how you deal with them and what you make of them. If sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, it’s because you’re not consciously choosing your reaction, but you are choosing it nonetheless.

So, if you want to positively influence your happiness levels, stop putting yourself under pressure to do and have what everyone else does and has. Do it your own way and in your own time. When you look at another’s life from the outside, it can seem highly appealing, but being in it can be a whole different kettle of fish. What is fulfilling for one is not necessarily fulfilling for another.

The real trick is in discovering what is right for you. Take your time – it’s not a race. It takes as long as it takes, and along the way you’ll be discovering more about yourself, what makes you tick and what really brings you joy.

You could be surprised at where your true bliss lies. But if you follow the path of others you’ll be a lot less likely to stumble upon it.

Connection

A major source of unhappiness for many people is the feeling that they are alone in the world, and this isn’t necessarily a reflection of whether they are single or have a partner. It stems from the illusion of separation that exists in the physical universe.

We all appear to be separate entities, but in fact we are all connected by an unseen energy field. This connection applies to everything in our lives – not just what we consider to be other living physical beings, but apparently inanimate objects and also our experiences in life. It is all one big energy field, and we are connected to everybody who appears in our life.

When you feel isolated and alone, remind yourself of this fact. It is just an illusion and you are not alone. When you reject the appearance of separation you open yourself up to experiencing the connection that is already there.

Remind yourself that you are more than a physical body. You are also a spiritual being and that on the spiritual level you are connected to everyone. Then mentally send love and light to those in your life from whom you’re feeling disconnected. When you send love – unconditionally – to others, you will receive love in return. And with that your feeling of being alone will diminish. You will begin to sense the connection that was there all the time.

Choosing Happiness

This point will echo a lot from B (being happy now), but it is important and worthy of repetition….

If your circumstances aren’t perfect and you want to be happy nonetheless, then you need to make that a conscious choice, day in and day out. What that means essentially, is that you have to choose your attitude to your circumstances. You need to adopt a glass-half-full perspective to your life, no matter how “good” or “bad” you perceive current events to be.

People do tend to have a natural leaning either towards optimism or pessimism, but you don't have to remain a pessimist all your life just because you were born one! If you have more of a glass half-empty approach to life, then I can offer you a simple but highly effective tool to significantly increase your levels of personal happiness: monitor your perspective on events in your life – big and small – and adjust them whenever you notice a negative attitude.

Now of course, simple does not mean easy. It does take practice, which in turn requires commitment. But it is worth the effort – I speak as learned optimist here, transformed from an eternal pessimist! If you practice consciously shifting your perspective about the events in your life, you will begin to feel better about life in general.

The reason for this is that your feelings are determined by your thoughts, and not by anything going on outside of yourself. Therefore, how you think about what happens in your life is much more central to your happiness than the events themselves.

A positive attitude in undesirable circumstances allows a person to be happy anyway! A negative attitude in highly desirable circumstances diminishes your appreciation of the good in your life, and along with it your ability to be happy. When you focus on the undesirable aspects of your life, your thoughts will be negative, and when your thoughts are negative, it follows that so are your feelings. The opposite is true when you focus on the wonderful aspects of your life.

And even in the worst of circumstances there are things in your life you can be grateful for. In order to maintain happiness in dark times, pay attention to the good aspects of your life. When you focus on the good things in your life, your feelings will be positive and you will better cope with whatever difficulties you are facing.

If right here, right now is a difficult time for you, here are some steps to move towards being happy in spite of that:

Look for solutions instead of focusing on the problem
If it’s completely beyond your control to alter the situation, accept it. If you struggle against it, you will drain your physical, mental and spiritual resources and consequently find it a lot more difficult to cope. When you accept what is, you have the energy to find ways to make things easier for as long as the situation lasts.
Look for the lesson or the opportunity. Every “problem” has an opportunity for learning and growth contained within it. Even if right now you can’t see what good there can possibly be, it is there. Often, it’s not obvious until afterwards – the value of hindsight! So, keep an eye out for what might be the silver lining, and even if it’s not making itself evident to you, trust that it’s there and you will realize it eventually.
Choose your thoughts carefully.
Remember, this too will pass.

"A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." ~ Hugh Downs

Change your world

2009-06-15T09:15:00+01:00

a Thought for the Week

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." ~ Wayne Dyer

"Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours." ~ Swedish proverb

"This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy." ~ Susan Polis Schutz

photo by The Lizard Queen