Liv Simpl

3 Steps to Creating Better Habits

Janelle — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:14:03 +0000

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

I don’t write much about habits, but since it’s a new year and people are interested in creating better ones, I thought it’d be a good idea to share some advice. Also, I’ve had some recent success in changing a couple of my own habits, one that I’d been unable to change for quite a while. As usual, I didn’t really reflect on why or how the sudden shift happened until later.

During my run the other day, it occurred to me that there is so much misinformation or overly-complicated information about changing habits, when it all comes down to three simple steps:

Change the behavior
Change the quality of the behavior
Change the characteristics of the behavior

As you can see, the focus of this process is behavior. It’s not about goals, outcomes, objectives or any of that nonsense. They just distract you from focusing on the behavior, or habit. I even have a name for this process: Behavior-Focused Change. But first, a few assumptions.

No Commitment Without Motivation

It goes without saying that one needs to be committed to making change happen. However, the precursor to commitment is motivation. No one will fully commit to something if they aren’t motivated. It’s so simple, yet one key component is often overlooked: motivation is an emotional thing. You can say you’re committed, but if you’re heart isn’t in it, it just ain’t gonna be to your full potential. This is the key that I realized recently. It’s what allowed me to breakthrough and finally become an early riser after years of trying. I finally got excited about getting up early to do something. Joy and passion became my motivation.

That’s why I don’t recommend stressing out about change that hasn’t happened. It just means that it’s not important enough to you to strike an emotional cord. Instead of beating yourself up about it, acknowledge and explore your feelings. Why would you want to do something that you’re not excited or driven to do? The other thing to remember is that we can’t change others. We all know this, and yet we continue to try many, many times. People have to be emotionally motivated to change themselves. That’s exactly why change is so transformational. Enough chatter, let’s explore the three-step process to how you can effect real change in your life.

Step 1 – Change the Behavior

The best thing you can do when you commit to changing a habit is to focus on the behavior and nothing else. Don’t worry about all the details of the behavior, like how long or how well, just focus on doing something different. Time for an example.

Let’s say you want to be more active. Maybe you’re tired of being a couch potato or you work behind a desk all day and feel a bit soft around the edges. Whatever the case, it’s time to change some habits. So what do you do? First, you forget about outcomes like how much weight you want to lose/muscle you want to tone, etc. Second, you make a simple proclamation: I’m going to do something active every day. Third, you do it. Peasy.*

I know what you’re thinking: “It’s not that easy.” That’s where the focus comes in and makes it so. See, you don’t need to qualify your proclamation at all. There’s no minimum time, effort, or any thing else that will work against your psyche. You’re just going outside once a day, that’s all. Take a stroll, ride your bike, do 15 push-ups. It doesn’t matter. What matters is changing the behavior. By not giving yourself criteria, you’re setting yourself up for success to create new habits. There’s no time requirement to make you feel guilty–nothing–just get outside and move once a day. Do this for 30 days or however long it takes for it to become a habit, then move to step 2.

*Peasy - (adj.) easy, uncomplicated; silly shortcode for easy peasy

Step 2 – Change the Quality

Okay, now you’re feeling good because you’ve got some new patterns going on. Good job. But now what? Now it’s time to focus on quality.

Focusing on quality means you’re now concerned with measurement and, to a lesser extent, frequency. Using our fitness example, let’s say you have been doing something active each day, maybe walking. In step 1, you just went out for a leisurely walk each day, sometimes for 15 minutes, other times for 45 minutes–didn’t matter. Now it matters. Now it’s time to set some parameters.

In step 2, you decide how long and how frequently you’re going to be active and you do this based on what will help you reach your goals. Now, you walk 30 minutes a day or you decide to walk for an hour three times a week and do some other activity on the other four days. You set some specific goals. Again, do this until it becomes a habit, then move to step 3.

Step 3 – Change the Characteristics

The last step is all about degree. You’ve changed the behavior and improved the quality, now you need to focus on things like intensity, speed, stamina, etc.: the characteristics of the behavior. Once again, all of this is entirely your call, you determine the degree of change. But this is where you could also bring in outside help. If it’s fitness, maybe you seek out a personal trainer or join a running club to work on speed. If it’s something like writing, maybe you join a writer’s group or work with a coach. An outside perspective will help you push yourself in areas like intensity or stamina. It’ll also continue to reinforce quality (step 2).

Repeat, Re-Use

The great thing about this process is that you can re-use it for the same habit or for new ones. For instance, I constantly strive to improve my running. Now that I’m as active as I want to be (step 1), I focus on the pace, distance and speed (step 2 and 3). On the other hand, I’m still at step 1 with cycling, mainly because I only do it for fun–but if I want to take it up a notch I can move to step 2 and 3.

Even though I’ve used fitness as an example, you can use this approach for everything from quitting smoking to making art. The key is you. You set the parameters, so you define success. Just focus on the behavior, then make changes along the way. If this method doesn’t work for you, check out this habit change cheatsheet. The most important thing is to get started. Before you know it, you’ll be a new person with new, healthy habits.

As always, I don’t claim that this is the only way to success. What are some methods that you’ve used to change or create habits?

When It Comes to Goals, Less is More

Janelle — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:59:30 +0000

Ever feel stressed even though you’ve “simplified” your life? If so, you’re not alone.

Maybe the issue is that simplification didn’t trickle down to your goals. If you’re anything like me, you have a lot you want to accomplish, some short term and others long term. Unfortunately, living simple with scores of goals isn’t exactly the best strategy. In fact, it’s downright counterproductive.

Why? Because too many goals makes you scatter your energies. Yes, you may be interested in all of them, but living simple is about awareness and focus. Let me explain with a story.

For the past few years I’ve wanted to become fluent in Spanish. After visiting Peru in 2009, I returned home more determined than ever to say more than “Hola, como esta?” So last year I did something about it and found a private tutor to teach me once a week. Full Spanish sentences here I come!

Then I did something else I’d always wanted to do: I started a blog. This blog. When I started Liv Simpl, I didn’t have many goals other than helping others live simple and becoming a better writer. But then–gasp!–I actually grew to like blogging and, well, I’ve become addicted. As my blog addiction grew, my Spanish began to suffer. Seriously…my last four Spanish lessons consisted of me stuttering “pero, pero…uhh, como se dice [random word I don't know]” for an hour, making up non-existent grammar and avoiding eye contact with my instructor. It had to stop. Finally, it came time to make a decision: keep having half-assed Spanish lessons or temporarily let go of my goal.

I chose to let it go.

Please don’t mistake my candid storytelling for apathy. I loved my Spanish class and my instructor was someone I genuinely looked forward to seeing each week. But sometimes we have to have the awareness to let go of something to focus on our passion.

Excitement = Keep It; Chronic Procrastination = Let It Go

One of the reasons I let go of my Spanish class was because I stopped getting excited about studying. Yes, I love the language and enjoy speaking it, but every week I waited until the last minute to study. It just wasn’t a priority anymore. So I chose to focus on what was exciting me right now: writing.

Excitement is an indicator that you’re enjoying yourself, that you’re moving in the right direction. Chronic procrastination means you’re not having fun and you probably don’t want to be doing what you’re doing. Hey, let’s just be honest: if that holds true for one of your goals, then it’s time to ask yourself if you really want to pursue that goal right now–maybe it’s time to let it go for a while.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Of course, letting go of a goal means you have to be honest about how meaningful it is to you. Over the years, I’ve found that having less goals allows me to focus on the quality and meaning behind them. In other words, it’s easier to determine which goals I truly feel inspired and excited about when I have less. When I have more, they begin to look like a checklist and I begin to treat them as such.

Still, I usually begin each year by writing out all of the things I’d like to accomplish, then I focus in on the ones that I’m ecstatic about. My advice is that less is more and meaning matters. Try to focus on the goals that mean the most to you, because they are the ones that could change your life if you follow them madly.

You Can Always Come Back To It

Remember, just because you let something go doesn’t mean it’s unachievable. You can always come back to it when you have less on your plate.

How do you keep your goals simple?

Photo credit: Monkey Bar Kid | Takver | CC BY-SA 2.0

Why “I Don’t Have Enough Time” is a Bullshit Excuse (and how to stop using it)

Janelle — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:15:09 +0000

It’s so easy to do.

Someone asks you to do something and you say “I don’t have enough time.”

You commit to something that starts to be more trouble than it’s worth and pretty soon you’re telling yourself that “you don’t have enough time” to do it anymore. Sound about right?

But it’s a lie.

Trust me, I know. Earlier this week I found myself defending my disinterest in calling someone by using this exact excuse. And you know what, I got called out: It’s not that you didn’t have the time, you just didn’t want to do it. ”But, but…” I said, searching for a better excuse. Then it hit me: damn, she’s right.

What struck me is that it’s not an epiphany. Several months ago I tweeted about this very thing. But I guess I needed a reminder. We all do. Because, the truth is, it’s the small things we have to stay vigilant about. If we let them, they can pull us in directions we don’t want to go, doing things we don’t want to do.

Doing things you don’t want to do unnecessarily complicates your life.

When you don’t want to do something, you say “I don’t have enough time.” But that doesn’t help anyone because it leaves the possibility that you will do it at some point when the truth is a) you don’t want to do it right now and b) it leaves the other person waiting for that magic time. Leaving someone hanging on is not fair. Eventually they realize you’re BSing and they get mad, or resentful–and now you have to deal with that.

Imagine a Different Way

Imagine if we started replacing “I don’t have the time” with the truth: “I don’t want to do it,” or “It’s not a priority.” That simple change immediately makes things clear for everyone. Check out the example dialogue below and you tell me which one gets the job done:

Example 1

Andrew – “Hey, did you get together with that friend I told you about?”

Janelle – “Oh, yeah, that. I didn’t have time this weekend.”

Andrew – “Oh, that’s cool. Maybe next weekend?”

Janelle – “Yeah, maybe…”

Example 2

Andrew – “Hey, are you still signing up for that Spanish class with me next month?”

Janelle – “You know, it’s just not a priority for me right now with all the projects I have going on.”

Andrew – “Yeah you do have a lot going on. That’s cool.”

Why is this method better?

Because it’s the truth.
Because it’s okay for you to say no.
Because it’s simple, effective and lets everyone know where they stand.

How can this simple change help you?

It will help you get to the core of how you want to spend your time. When you start turning down all of the crap you don’t want to do in the first place, life gets simpler and you start getting more time in your life. You can use that time to focus on your passion.

Making this change also forces people to be more mindful of your time before they ask you to commit to something. It’s easy to just make requests without considering if the person has the time or interest because most of us don’t push back, we just say yes because we don’t want to say no.

But won’t people think I’m rude?

Maybe at first people will be taken aback by your radical honesty. But I promise that they’ll eventually be grateful. Think about it, wouldn’t you rather someone be honest with you than beat around the bush?

Take Action!

Don’t take my word for any of this. Try it out and share your results. I’d love to hear how it works for you.

Three Simple Ways to Master Your Winter Workout

Janelle — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:43:45 +0000

Winter is upon us. It’s cold, maybe you even got a little snow by now…okay, maybe a lot. Either way, all you can think about is getting where you have to go and coming home to a hot cup of tea, a warm bowl of soup or a hot coffee. Okay, but remember how at the end of last year, you made a new life resolution to get back into shape, to live a healthier lifestyle? Uh huh. But then, you know, it got real cold and stuff. Dammit! Just when you were all motivated too. Face it, winter’s probably kicking your ass right now and you don’t even know how to get back in the ring. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can reclaim your winter workout and show winter who’s boss by doing these three simple things.

Get Outside

The biggest challenge to being active is motivation and–let’s face it–motivation is at least ten times harder when it’s freezing outside. It’s like your body goes into hibernation mode. How do you motivate yourself to workout when all you want to do is stay indoors? The answer is the same as it is any season: get outside. No fluffy talk here. Just make it happen. This is even more crucial in the winter, when the cold deters us from getting off the couch. Even if you walk for 15 minutes, that’s an accomplishment. You just have to buckle down and do it.

Motivation never gets easier, you just become more disciplined. In his novel, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami describes his realization about motivation:

Once, I interviewed the Olympic runner Toshihiko Seko [...]. I asked him, “Does a runner at your level ever feel like you’d rather not run today, like you don’t want to run and would rather just sleep in?” He stared at me and then in a voice that made it abundantly clear how stupid he thought the question was, replied, “Of course. All the time.”

Gear-Up

I remember my first winter run in Chicago. Let’s just say I was, in a word, unprepared. I ran for about 15 minutes, just enough to get a nice sweat going, before I finally stopped, turned around and shivered my way home, cursing my ignorance. I needed gear. Coming from Atlanta, gear and running were two words I never put together. Yeah, I knew there were local running shops with fancy-smancy stretchy clothes, but whatever. I might have bought shoes there, but I didn’t need no stinkin’ stretchy pants.

Until I did. Standing in that hot shower, trying to feel my toes, I accepted defeat: my old basketball/gym clothes were not going to cut it, not in Chicago. So I bought myself some fancy-smancy stretchy clothes, amongst other things. Hey look, I’m a real runner! Over the years, I’ve learned what it takes to be active in cold weather and I’ve made a list of essential gear. Check it out:

Layers - Ask any cold weather athlete the key to staying warm and you’ll always hear them say this word: layers. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “Well, duh.” But do you know how to layer? Turns out you need three layers: a base layer, insulation layer and shell layer. Also, cotton is the devil when it comes to working out in cold weather because it holds moisture, keeping you wet and cold. Check out this REI article on how to dress in layers for more info.

Scully – Simply put, you should keep your head covered during cold weather exercise. Why? Because heat escapes from your head, so to keep your body heat level, you need to wear a hat. Most people prefer something minimal like a scully/beanie. They’re simple and effective. Get one made with a wool/synthetic blend. It’ll keep you warm and repel moisture.
Socks – Some people say that gloves are the second most important thing to wear during cold weather exercise. Yes, they are important, but I think socks are more important. Especially if you are running, your feet need to stay warm, but they don’t need to be wet. Solution? Moisture wicking socks. I swear by Mizuno BreathThermo socks. They keep my feet warm and dry, in fact, they’re warmer than any of my thick wool socks, even though they are half as thick.

Gloves – Like frostbitten fingers? Didn’t think so. Wear gloves during cold weather. You might think that you’re a heat machine, but those fingers will say otherwise after a few minutes of exercise in the cold. Visit your local running shop or local bike shop and ask them to show you their glove section. You have two options: get one pair of gloves to last you all winter. The advantage is that you only have to worry about one pair. Or, you can get two pairs: an insert and an outer shell (the method I use). The insert keeps you warm, while the outer layer acts as a windbreaker and/or rain shield. The advantage? See layers above.

Goggles/Sunglasses – If you’re exercising outside in snowy weather, chances are things will blow into your eyes. Squinting and working out are a bad mix. Do yourself a favor and get some goggles or all-weather sunglasses and wear them when you need to. Your eyes will thank you.

Bright colors – Two reasons to wear bright colors when you’re exercising outdoors in the winter. One, if there’s snow outside, everything looks light or dark, so your monotone workout outfit, though cute, won’t aid visibility. You need to wear something that will get you noticed. For all intensive purposes, when exercising in inclement weather or post-inclement weather, assume it’s night time. Why? Because of my second point: winter weather motorists are not nice. Remember what I said earlier about just wanting to get where you’re going when it’s cold? Well, every driver is thinking that too. So the chances of one of them not noticing your new monotone workout outfit while you’re jogging, cycling or walking are greater. Wear bright obnoxious colors and everybody’s safe and happy. Well, safe anyway.

Cross-train

Okay, so what if you just can’t take another run, or whatever activity you’re doing to stay fit? You cross-train. It’s a fancy way of saying, “tag!” But instead of tagging, say, your running shoes that you want to throw in the lake, you switch to your bicycle or rock-climbing, or…you get the idea: you do something different.

After I quit marathon training last January, I just didn’t feel like running anymore. Then I hurt my ankle and I decided that I definitely was NOT running again for a while, so I started cycling and fell in love with it all over again. Because I loved doing it, it felt like fun, not exercise and I got healthier with a big ‘ol smile on my face. If (insert activity here) has you down, maybe you should switch to something else too. Not everyone likes cycling, but there’s tons to choose from, even indoor sports. Here are some ideas to check out:

Cycling
Crossfit
Yoga
Indoor rock-climbing
Racquetball
Volleyball

So, how are those new life fitness resolutions going? Join the discussion and share some ways that you’re staying motivated!

Photo credits: Cycling Winter | Tejvan Pettinger | CC BY-2.0; Running in Winter Wonderland | Tim Wilson | CC BY 2.0

Less, Less, More: How to Break Free and Live a Simple Life (Part 3)

Janelle — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:08:14 +0000

Part 3: More Meaning

About a month after I launched Liv Simpl, I found out about the Zen Habits forum. One day, while perusing the forum, I came across a post by a man who was flat-out frustrated with simple living. It went something like this:

I’ve let go of most of my possessions, tried to focus on creating healthy habits and eliminate distractions, but I still feel lost and confused. I feel like simple living isn’t for me because I’m starting to miss my things. I really thought living simple would add meaning to my life, but nothing’s changed much. Am I missing something?

After reading that post, I realized this anonymous man was crying out for help. But, more poignantly, his words were probably echoed by many. How many of us seek the proverbial pot of gold at the end of our simple living journey? We all desire rich, meaningful lives, but simple living should be part of the process of finding meaning, not the solution.

Meaning comes from the heart. It’s something we find when we listen deeply and follow the sound. This may sound cliche’ but we all know it to be true. When we lament about seeking meaning, we’re really longing to be closer to our heart’s calling.

In Part 1, I talked about having less stuff in your life. Part 2 covered how to have less distraction. Now, in Part 3 it’s time to focus on meaning. But what does that mean exactly? It means what you want it to mean. I won’t pretend to tell you what meaning is for you, but I will share some inspiration for finding it.

Listening for Meaning

We do none of this for glory. We dump, we dig, we simplify to find our focus, to focus on what matters. Simple living becomes a path, a moving meditation. Each movement is in an effort to listen.

It’s easy to think that once you clear out the clutter and get rid of distractions you will find the answers. The truth is, that’s just the beginning. You get rid of all of that to make it easier to focus, to find your core. Once you find it, you have to listen.

Listening, however, can be terrifying. But if you want to get closer to your heart’s truth, it’s exactly what you must do.

Listen to your imaginative child. The one who creates fantastic worlds in which to live.
Listen to your higher self. The one who dreams big and perseveres.
Listen to the path. Every road has a story. Your simple living journey is no different.
Listen to the difficult times; their lessons will teach and inspire you later.
Listen to the pain of letting go. A new you is being birthed.

Three Ideas for Finding Meaning

But what about practical ideas for hearing your inner voice? Well, there are three tried and true ways that I recommend.

Travel – It’s no secret: travel is one of the best ways to quiet the noise of the world and get closer to finding meaning in your life. I recently had a conversation with a friend from Barcelona about this. He asked if I advised traveling with debt. My answer? Absolutely. I’m not advocating financial irresponsibility, but as long as you can pay your bills, get out in the world. Frankly, tomorrow is not promised. If you’re passionate about travel and you have the opportunity, go for it. You’ll not only expand your horizons, but you’ll also discover new things about yourself that you didn’t know were there, or possible!
Volunteer – So what if travel isn’t in the budget, what else can you do to spark a sincere conversation with your heart? Volunteer. Last year I started volunteering in Chicago and, to be honest, I was not prepared for the emotional awakening that it brought. Working with people, giving back to those in need (and learning from them, too) has a way of showing you what’s truly important in life. If you’re not sure what organization you’d like to volunteer with, try several different ones. Volunteer in fields that interest you. It’ll help you figure out if that interest is a passion or a fleeting curiosity.
Solitude – This is my favorite and it works so well with listening. Learning to spend quiet time with yourself is a sacred art that not many practice. Why not? Whatever your schedule or responsibilities, carve out some time for yourself, whether it’s a nice, quiet bath, a walk, time spent in the park, or just daydreaming after the kids are asleep. Get to know yourself better. You’ll be better and stronger for it.

Finding Your “Hell Yeah!”

How do you know when you’ve found something meaningful? It makes you say “hell yeah!”

Derek Sivers says there is no “yes.” His philosophy is that you should either say “Hell Yeah” or an emphatic “no” to things in your life. In fact, if you aren’t saying hell yeah to life, then you’ve got some changes to make. Take this to heart: You deserve to be ecstatic about the life you live!

Need some inspiration? Here are a few people who took a step closer to living a life that they can say hell yeah! about:

Jonathan Mead

I’ve been reading Jonathan’s blog for a little over six months now. He blogs to remind you that you are meant to create your own life…and he works tirelessly to create online tools and services that help you do just that. Check out his blog Illuminated Mind.

Nate Damm

When I first read about Nate’s walk across America, I was floored. I mean, I love to walk, but to literally walk across the country is something I don’t even conceive of doing. But Nate did. He gave up everything, laced up his shoes and decided to walk from Delaware to California. Now that his walk is over, he’s working on a book and blogging at NateDamm.com

Lisa Nicole Bell

Lisa describes herself as a producer. She’s also a dynamic speaker, filmmaker, blogger, and entrepreneur. She started her first company at 19 and has been blazing trails since. She writes to share inspiration, information and ideas with other passionate thinkers. To learn more visit her blog, Art Meets Commerce.

Tyler Tervooren

I’m fairly new to Tyler’s blog, Advanced Riskology, but I love what it’s about. He’s an adventurer who left a life of security for one of risk and uncertainty–and he’s thriving! He’s also on a quest to do scary things that only 1% of the world have accomplished.

Tools to Help You Find Meaning

On January 31, I’ll release my first guide, The Seven Pillars of Living Simple. In addition to providing guidance to living a simple, meaningful life, it will offer practical, easy to implement formulas for creating change and helping you find your “hell yeah.” Stay tuned for more details!

Also, coming up next month I’ll begin hosting free “virtual hangouts” where the you can meet other people from the LS community, discuss various aspects of simple living and share your strategies for finding meaning. I’m still deciding on the best platform, but I think it’s going to be Google Plus/Hangout. More to come!