“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you” Psalm 39:7

Many things do I expect in the course of a season:
The thunder storm in the heavy summer heat of twilight
The unfurling of sweet blossom as Spring reveals herself.
The drifting snowflakes lazily falling from grey dusty clouds
The blackbird who frequents my wall nightly at 6 and chirps out his beautiful song.
My baby formed in secret places entering the world ONE way or another
My birthday to be filled with smiles and love wrapped around me and making me feel extra special.

I find and seek in the natural
I look for the things that I just know simple follow patterns
Ordained by You

Oh God
Keep my spiritual eyes expectant
Keep the eyes of my heart enlightened
To look for you at work in every corner of my life. My family. My church.
That the Spirit of You within me would yearn and cry out
To see you move, restore, re- ignite, resurrect, re -create
That which needs your touch and your breath of life.
Water those seeds you have sown deep within me.
I yearn for those encounters with You
That fill me with hope overflowing….

Paul states in v23 that husbands are the head of their wives as Christ is head of church. On first glance, that sounds scarily authoritative. Perhaps that is why some women are afraid to submit, as it requires a large degree of trust in her husband’s motives, attitude and his own submission to Jesus. When a husband is more interested in his wife’s submission to him than he is in his own submission to God, then submission becomes a tool to hurt and destroy.

The guideline is clear…God gives the husband a position of leadership in relationship to his wife, yet He also requires the price of self-sacrifice from him. In leading, he needs to be totally mindful of the example of Jesus. And although Jesus not humanly married, he has a Bride…the Church.

Jesus ‘gave himself up for her’ totally and utterly. She was not married kicking and screaming. She was won by love. A strong self -sacrificing love. Jesus would NEVER do anything to harm his bride. He does not neglect, undermine or abuse the church. He doesn’t treat her rudely or arrogantly. Nor does He criticize her and make her feel she is not valuable. Rather He loves her, protects her, provides for her, and cares for her. Husbands exercising godly headship have a calling on them to do likewise. Because when taking the lead becomes bossy, controlling, overbearing or arrogant…there is a problem. It does not reflecting the spiritual paradigm that God has ordained concerning marriage and His church.

Marriage requires sacrifice which in turn requires risk taking. Sacrifice is not just nice acts of kindness. However lovely it is that the husband does the dishes and takes the rubbish out! It runs far deeper than that.

Loving your wife as Christ loves the church is about being committed to present her in all her fullness and beauty. The purpose of love is to bring about the perfection of the one you love. A husband is God’s instrument in building UP his wife. Boy..THAT is a high calling!

So the challenging question for husbands – is the motivation of your sacrifice for her manipulation or ministry? If it is manipulation, then a husband is doing it because he expects his wife will be happier and therefore treat him better ☺. But ministering to her isn’t for his own benefit. It is for hers. The goal of love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make your wife happy. The goal is to build her up to bring about God’s purpose in her.

Pretty cool stuff I say. If we could get this right…our society would be filled with healthier, more robust marriages that understand complimentary roles, togetherness, working through your differences and the power of flowing under God’s truth. I ♥ being married.

The key is in both understanding the cultural context at the time and the truths that underline the foundation of marriage: submission and sacrifice. So I have split my thoughts into 2 blogs. Wives first. Husbands second.

This teaching by the apostle Paul concerning marriage relationships was a radical departure from the culture of his day. A woman had no rights at that time. She was considered the property of her husband as he bought her from her father probably for a handful of cattle. He could divorce her for almost any reason. In the Greek world prostitution was considered a necessity of life. It was said that every man should have a courtesan for the sake of pleasure, a concubine for daily cohabitation, and a wife to bear his legitimate children. In Rome divorce was so common “Women were married to be divorced and divorced to be married.”

So I believe Paul teaching through-out his letters emancipates women. It draws out the beauty and sacredness of having but ONE wife with whom you enjoy sexual intimacy with her alone. And that you treat her so highly, with such a huge love that sacrifices for her. THIS would have brought an incredible smile to those women reading it.

Verse 22 calls on wives to submit to “their own husbands in everything” Simply put: the wife ALLOWS her husband to be the head. She yields, she comes under the authority of and she flows with. A man cannot carry out his God given role to lead if his wife is not submissive. You notice that Paul always addresses those under authority before those in authority—wives before husbands, children before parents, and servants before masters. His emphasis is first on the attitude of those coming under authority before the rest can flow.

A man cannot love, encourage, inspire, protect where a woman does not submit. Where she grasps for control and she fights to be equal in spiritual headship leadership. However, I know beautiful Christian wives who have found themselves in the place where they have felt the weight of carrying that leadership because husbands will not or cannot stand up. I believe there is a special grace over their world in such circumstances.

The challenge here is that Paul is in fact saying that she needs submits whether or not she feels her husband is WORTHY. Because this fact is true: submission is more a matter about trusting God than it is trusting man. Trusting that God has a way through and has ultimate authority.

V22. Submit in the same way you submit to Jesus. When I submit to Jesus…it does not take away my control. It frees me to be who I am. It keeps me positioned properly and allows a strong yet loving voice of authority in my world. The truth is that most Christian women agree with this truth of submission. They just have a problem trusting. Afraid that they may become a doormat for their husband to walk on!! Which is why reading part 2 is highly important!

Confidence is an essential ingredient and fuel in our life. We need it to believe we can succeed. It helps us make the right decisions, choose the right marriage partner, confront a problem, parent our kids when we have no clue what we are really doing. It enables us to step out into the unknown. We even need it to be able to communicate how we really feel.

The question is…where are the roots of our confidence growing? In merely ourselves, the people around us, or in God Himself? Confidence springs from the ability to trust something. The greater the trust in something….the higher the level of confidence.

It is all about:

1. Knowing that in EVERY given area of your life God is intrinsically involved. In the ups and downs. When you cannot see ahead clearly. When you afraid. When you struggle to conceive a child. When you’ve lost your job or your relationships are in crisis. When the doctor gives you news that rocks your world. God is there. Ever present. Paving the way ahead for you.

2. True confidence must REST on something solid. Our confidence must be ANCHORED to something that will not move or change. It therefore cannot reside only in others or in ourselves because both will at some point let you down! Confidence has to be in rooted in something you can NEVER EVER lose. You cannot lose God. I have tried. He just sticks in there every time.

3. Confidence is faith, not fear. It is hope, not despair. It is bold, not arrogant. It’s trust not suspicion. It’s powerful and not timid. It is substance and not wishful thinking.

4. True confidence is both believing and trusting in what God says He can do through you. It rests on who God is, who I am created to be and what He has given me.

Self doubt is the enemy of confidence. Because it steals from the truth of who you and I really are. It creates instability and double mindedness within us and in James it reveals that God cannot respond to such a person. He responds to FAITH.

I have found my self doubt silenced and my confidence grown primarily by doing one thing. Habitually. Reading, meditating and crying out for truth from God’s Word. It sinks into my spirit and changes me from the inside out. Nothing beats it!!

When I consider my relationships with others, I often return first to the relationship I have with myself as it is from this that so much else flows. To sow into your relationships effectively, be interested in the hearts of others and give of who you are, you need to have established within your life a positive self-relationship! It is vital for living a successful life. And when we know God’s unconditional love for us, we begin to love ourselves and feel comfortable in our own skin. It is out of this wholeness that our love for others can truly be expressed …. we have so much more to give!

I enjoy being me. There have been plenty of times that I have wished desperately to be someone else or somewhere else! But they are fleeting moments as I have spent time taking hold of what God really thinks of me and am so grateful for what He has placed in my personality and spirit. I like my little quirks and the uniqueness of the way He moulded me (Thank you for making me wonderfully complex! Psalm 139) and I am forever finding out more about myself and what I am capable of doing. We are all on a journey in our relationship with God but remember that in loving Him, He asks you to love and believe in yourself because of all that He has placed inside of you and all the dreams He wants you to fulfill.

Here are some key pointers to help you in your journey of appreciating who you are:

• Remember that you were formed by His hand and He loves the unique you and has a call on your life for you to fulfill. If you truly know God’s love as Father in your world; healing and transforming you, you will love who you are and all that He wants you to become.
• Develop a positive self-image. Your self-worth, identity and significance are wrapped up in Jesus and what He has done in your life. God alone brings you wholeness and not others around you. We do need to accept who we are, our appearance and personality; whilst working on any areas we would like to change (one at a time!)
• Be more concerned with what God thinks about you than others in your world. Avoid falling into the devil’s trap of comparing your life and gifts with others and appreciate and explore what amazing treasures God has deposited in YOU. Be true to yourself and do not pretend to be anyone else.
• Learn to self-motivate. Preaching to yourself is a powerful tool. The tongue can kill or nourish life so make sure you build yourself up with words not tear yourself down.
• Exercise, eat and sleep well. Take out some time to look after your body!
• Nurture self-respect in your life. Plan things into your life that give time just for you. Take yourself out for a coffee…pay for a great haircut. Do whatever relaxes and gives you time out and makes you feel GOOD.
• Let God whisper those words of belief in your ear. He has equipped and empowered you to do so much more than your brain can imagine. Rise up with confidence in who you really are.
• Learn how to move on from past mistakes and forgive yourself. We have the capacity to not only disappoint others but also ourselves. Yet we cannot afford to live in this frustration and feeling like we have let ourselves down. We need to grasp the lessons that our mistakes teach us and the forgiveness God pours out upon us and ‘Forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead’ Philippians 3:13.

Enjoy growing your relationship with yourself and treasure it!

Your choice of husband or wife is undoubtably one of the biggest and most important decisions you will face. I believe seeing as you are the one who has to live with them- God largely lets you decide who you want to marry! We could happily marry and live with various people who may cross our path. But I do believe, with wisdom, prayer and often a large dose of patience, God will guide you to the one who will become your soul mate. And you will sense that peace from the Holy Spirit in the core of you. Proverbs 15:22 talks about using many advisors when making plans so it is a wise idea to let others that you trust speak into into your decision making process.

We all secretly have a checklist of Very Important Criteria that we hold next to a potential marriage partner. But here are a few of my pointers for all you beautiful single peeps:

1. Choose that Someone who demonstrates a true heart after God and is committed to building His House. Someone with whom can share your meaning and purpose of life, who identifies with what ultimately shapes your identity and transforms your heart.

2. Commit yourself to marry someone who holds integrity as a high value which inspires in you confidence and trust. Someone who, behind closed doors and in private, are really who they proclaim to me. Perfection is not possible…and there are some things about your partner you may not be aware of till you get married! But the dating journey can help you determine what their true values are.

3. Marry someone with whom you can communicate your heart and your dreams. Someone who can draw out of you the best in you. Who accepts and loves you for who you are- not what you could or should be. That means avoiding  marrying anyone expecting to change them or because you see ‘potential’ in them. They may never change. Love them and accept them for who they are when you are on the altar!

4. Be prepared to compromise. On the person preferences. But not on the values you hold. God will have formed His values and standards in you with how you live your life, what you hold precious. Find someone who appreciates and honours the God-values in your life that guide, shape and build godly character in you.

5. Lastly…work on being the best You that you can be. Allow God to bring healing into your world where you have faced brokenness- perhaps from past relationships. Live life to the full with confidence that God is in control and you can ultimately trust Him in your pathways toward marriage.

I believe God designed us for hospitality. To open our lives up to others and learn to enlarge our capacity to embrace more friendships. My world spins around relationships, Creating them, sustaining them, strengthening them, holding onto them, learning from them. Believing in them and teaching about them. If life is anything…it is the continual cycle of investing into relationships and realizing that your destiny is always tied up with those around you.

Hospitality literally means ‘the practice of entertaining guests AND strangers graciously’ Translated from the Greek it reads the ‘love of strangers’. Paul reminds us in Romans that when God’s people are in need we need to be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. We are called to have a deep love for one another that creates in us a passion to open up our homes and to let people into our world at some level.

Being a person who practices hospitality is beautiful as it directly reflects who God is. It speaks that you have time for someone, you will make an effort to make them feel important and you will embrace them just as they are. Great hospitality is self- sacrificing because it calls on us to address the inner needs of another willingly and reach out to get involved.

Tips in demonstrating hospitality:

1. Carry an atmosphere around you that is warm, inclusive, embracing  and interested in others.
2. Invite people into your home.  Let them see how you live your life.
3. Work at making your home a beautiful, relaxing environment as much as you can. Light up your home with flowers and candles girls!
4. Throw dinner parties and connect people together. Chilling out over great food and a glass of wine is a winner!
5. Be a gift giver. Think about who and what to bless someone with.
6. Invite people out to have coffee with you and bring others along.
7. Reach out and include people in your conversations, groups etc.
8. Hospitality is one of the best things you can do with your family. My boys have learnt some of the most important people skills in life as we entertain in our home.

Laughter holds real power. It is a true gift. Here are some of the fascinating facts as to why laughter needs to be part of our daily lives:

1. It is a natural painkiller: Laughing releases endorphins. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
    “Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects”

2. It promotes a younger appearance: Just by laughing the blood flows through the muscles used around the face making you look younger. No need for plastic surgery or expensive creams!!

3. Laughing is contagious: It binds people together and increases intimacy. Carry laughter with you wherever you go.

4. You learn more effectively when you laugh with others!!

5. It helps strengthen the immune system: Laughter decreases stress and increases the blood flow. It stimulates your organs and enhances your intake of oxygen.

6. It helps you lose weight: You burn off calories by laughing. A hearty chuckle raises the heart rate and speeds up the metabolism.

7. Humor shifts perspective: A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

8. Laughter boosts self confidence: Learn to laugh at yourself when things get intense or do not go as planned.

The real power of laughter comes when you can laugh at your future.

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I love the Proverbs 31 woman with her capacity to laugh at the future with no fear. It is not a superficial laugh. This is not the laughter to just breeze away the stress. This is a deep seated, strong laugh born out of utter confidence in God. It comes from the core of her, which creates in her a remarkable inner strength. Whatever the future might bring. Within her family, her marriage, her relationships, the road ahead of her. She is declaring that her future is safe in the hands of the One who loves her. By laughing at the days to come she declares that God is Good. I am acutely aware that if my future were in my hands only or in ‘fate’…I would NOT be laughing!!!

Of course we do not laugh at everything that comes our way. Yet although we may not understand why every thing happens or why our pathway takes an unexpected turn, we can have an inner strength from God that holds us through it all. And a trust in His character and His goodness. That enables us to laugh at the obstacles because we know in Him ‘no weapon formed against you shall succeed’. Isaiah 54:17

The warmth, buzz and synergy of people connecting; the beautiful sound of laughter and relaxation. An atmosphere and vibrant culture brimming with music, energy and life. Smiles and warm hugs. The lonely being embraced. Passion for God evident and infectious. Prodigals, strangers and friends are anticipated and welcomed like they have come home.  Where people are remembered and valued. A safe place, filled with hope and inspiration. Where different cultures mix and connect. Languages intermingling. The Holy Spirit flowing like a river: loving, convicting, empowering. Beautiful hosts positioned to smile, connect, care, embrace. The smell of excellent coffee.  A lingering atmosphere that makes others feel at home. Feeling His tangible presence in His House. The youthful, passionate and gorgeous faces of the next generation. Standing next to those older who have gone before them and paved the way. Seeing people serving out of a heart of love and commitment. A place where faith is nurtured and released into open hearts. Where destinies are unlocked and great friendships are birthed. Where leadership is honoured and appreciated. A vision which is alive, purpose filled and captivating. Where I see the goodness of God all around me and His power to affect lives and change them. Truth is upheld and cherished.  Where grace is real and creates space for people to spiritually breathe and find healing. A people with a real heartbeat that mirrors God’s own. Whose desire is a pure heart and pure hands before Him. A place where I feel treasured, loved, valued and built up on the inside.
Where I feel @ home.

WHO I AM…..

Is found completely in you.

When I feel something’s missing in my soul.

I meditate on the truth

That I am fully complete in you, I lack nothing.

In you, my cup overflows.

On the days my past catches up with me

Seeks to haunt me of my former self….

I speak out that I AM a handcrafted new creation

The precious blood of Jesus separates me from what once was.

When someone rises up against me and pierces my heart

I remember that I am fully pleasing to you and that you fight for me

When the storms of life crash through my soul

I am assured that everything works out for me with You.

Because you love me. Unconditionally and forever.

The work you have begun in me…you WILL finish!

When I find myself failing and struggling to stay on top

I declare that I am an overcomer, a champion of champions!

When I feel that creeping isolation and feeling alone in my world

I shout out. I can never be separated from your extravagant love.

You will never turn your face from me nor push me away.

When the devil whispers that I am ineffective… I resist.

Because I am the sweet aroma of Jesus

A beautiful letter to be read

A passionate ambassador to the living God

Chosen and appointed to GO and bear fruit.

When I run out of all energy

And feel I have nothing left to give

Your word reminds me that I can do ALL things through Jesus

He gives me the very strength I need

When I want to shrink back avoid those steps of faith

You correct my thoughts. Because I have a spirit of confidence,

Of power. Of enlargement

When I have stuffed up and betrayed who I am

I am ever grateful that I am righteous in your eyes

I stand in your forgiveness and grace that washes over me. Now and always.